Thu.1.Feb: AL-BLODDY-FUCKING-READY! (BUT… on the 15th… until the 4th March… The house is ME and the cirtters!) – 9.14 Up with the 8.00 alarm, a coffee, a pee, the critters out. The stove re-stoked. It’s not terribly cold out this morning, but… the critters back in for breakfast and a trip to the loo and dress. THEN… me out the door to empty the ash-buckets and with the light dusting of snow of last night, I couldn’t see the ICE!!! and almost went DOWN on my back! The yard is a hazard area! So I swept a bit so that the ice and grass are visible. Not that it’s going to do any good at all… for… We-Know-Who. And so, that done, back in to mop the kitchen floor. Anyway… morning “chores” are complete and I’m ready to toss the entire day and head back to sleep. But nope… second coffee’s made and I have to get the 3 letters out for that Soc.Sec.Shit. THEN, the day will be complete… until… the shit re-commences, as it does on Thursdays. – Minus 13C tomorrow’s high. Minus 20 tomorrow night’s low. Winter lingers… Fine by me. Today, how-ever, I have to get posting for flats. Let’s see how that turns out. Should be “interesting”. Really? Who am I kidding? It’s going to be unadulterated HELL and MISERY! – Good morning. New month. Fuck. – 16.08 Letters out this morning re: soc.sec. lien. Mail brought to the house. Mme. returned at about 14.30. BROUGHT SMOKES! WHEW! And we sat. She ate. I had a tea. We chatted. And she’ll be out for choir practise at 19.30. And I’m going for my 14.00 nap. – It’s rather warm out there in the sun-shine. And another “minus” something is coming. – Snooze-time.

Fri.2.Feb: 8.14 And it snowed again, last night, so all that had melted in yesterday’s warmth is again, frozen. The sky is that pale blue of Winter, crisp and clear. Breezes blowing drifts about. And it’s chilled. – Yesterday was rather a wipe-out, save the posting of the letters. The new pillows have shipped from Macy’s. And I rather wasted the rest of it through to the night, sitting in the little room, on-line. By about 21.30, we were all tucked-away. I ate the remaining 5 chicken fukkits, finished the cream and sugar. Then, with the night’s episodes of “Cats”, the crisps and 4 PopTarts. Nourishment for the day. And this morning, it’s all playing havoc on my stomach. Oh well. – Feeling a bit “removed” this morning. Fatigue? Stress? Alzheimer’s? Who knows? Who cares? Not me, to be sure. – That “odd” sensation in the balls of my feet since yesterday. Feels as if there’s rolls of cotton under my toes, across the feet. A “numb” sensation. My nerves are completely ruined. I remember that morning at 5225 when I couldn’t get out of the bed and the pain was debilitating. Rolled in a fetal position, unable to move… and nobody knew. Yeah, my bones and nerves are ruined. But… I worked for this pain. Stupid… I’m such an idiot. – I have to find out how to get “disability” whilst I’m here in this shit-hole state. It’s rumoured that this is the easiest state to collect… and, it’s untouchable. – Oh yeah, and I looked-up the safety of my account at CIBC. Seems the old govt. here CAN get their fingers into that as well. But, according to write-ups, they don’t pay any attention to accounts under 10k, anything over that has to be reported, 50k is the thresh-hold and 75k is a definite bells’n’whistles. Good to know, since I was rather hoping to have about 10k before moving on. Well, as I said to Mme. not long ago: at least I’ll have enough accumulated to be cremated. (I’ll just have to decide who gets the access to the money… Odd, I can’t think of any-one I trust enough any longer. There’s nobody in my life to whom I’d “bequeath” anything. I don’t want the govt. here to have it. And the CAD govt. today? Fucking circus of twats, that. Oh well… Life’s gone along. It would be nice if I had enough to buy the land where G’s was. But then again, there’s nobody who’d appreciate it these days. And as for a bit of land in QC? Even that’s changed to the point where I don’t give a shit about that either. Germany? No. That’s gone to the shit as well. Sibs and such? Fuck that lot. What a delight to have come to this point in existence. Alas… Just a bit of shit to ponder, when the general stress of existence become harrowing.) – And so, another day commences. – Oh yes, “Groundhog Day” today. If it sees a shadow… If it doesn’t… 6 more weeks of Winter? WTF? Winter will be here until it isn’t. And even as Mme. said yesterday when I asked if she’s going to get another cord of fire-wood, the concern is whether or not what’s here will last through March. (It won’t… and I just want it to last through February.) – I hear the old chair at the lap-top in the dining-room squeaking. She’s at the computer and my insides knot. “Knock knock” at the door. “Do you have a minute? I don’t know what I’ve done here.” And it’ll be some-thing we’ve been through 50 times at least. – Another day… another day… another… – 16.00 Well. Today we learnt that disability is the way to go. Now I’ve something to work on over the week-end. Or… perhaps I’ll inquire with FS? What-ever. But if that’s the only way to save my income? So be it. And I can take THAT to QC! – AND… the wood in the garage has been re-stacked at the door. Took more doing than I anticipated but it’s done. My fingers froze from the cold out there (yes, it’s THAT cold today). But as I say: It’s done… AND was done with Mme. in the house. (And the good, solid, round wood is stacked to the lower part for me for when she’s gone.) – So, as the day settles, so too, do I. – PS: I gave her a cake each of the Neca7… I’m so wonderful (Perhaps this evening I shall shower with one… perhaps.) – I SHOULD see about getting something to eat tonight, but there are tins of lentils and oatmeal… I won’t starve. No Tea or v-ton though. Alas… Tomorrow she’s going out to dinner “with a friend” (Margot?) to “celebrate the sale of the red house”. Yeah? Good. Go! You’re welcome. Of course I’ll be here to attend the animals, and your shack. – 21.13 Just up from a TWO-HOUR NAP! (If not longer.) And a DREAM:
The first part: comparing mobile phones with some girls from the store here, in town. We were in some building or house (ambiguous) and they had newer and older phones. I was looking at mine, fairly “new” for the time, and one gal had one that I said “I should think of getting this for Jacquie.” (Imagine, thinking of getting a phone for Jacquie, in my dreams! I was actually thinking of it only last night.) Just then, a young, blonde priest came into the building and people flocked round him. Some of them took photos and for laughs, I grabbed my phone from one of the gals and took some photos too. The next thing, I was in “my room” (in the dream). Bro. John was sleeping on a bed on the opposite wall, under all sorts of blankets and such. I needed to re-charge my phone and went to a shelf beside my bed to plug it in but the wires were all a mess! I put my arms into the tangle and my arms stuck to them some-how, pulling them all off the shelf! It was annoying and I just started to frantically sort through them, to find the one I wanted. A small clock radio turned on… LOUD! and I got SO pissed-off! I threw the clock radio across the room! Then went back into the mess again, and again, my arms stuck to them as if there was some tape adhesive on them. Angrily, I found the charger wire attached to a multi-outlet which was stuck in the socket. I pulled that out and threw it across the room. It went to the floor under the other bed! So I had to go over there, waking “John” to find that it had broken! I started to put it together, John woke and came to look. Told me it was completely broken which angered me all the more and I went over to the shelf, grabbed all the wires and started to PULL them ALL off the shelf. And in a rage, I woke.
Well! Life, as it is. I wasn’t going to get out of bed, thought of just going back to sleep, fully clothed. Looked at the alarm-phone… Almost 21.00. Decided to get up and have a smoke. And did. It’s bitter out there again tonight. But I’ve had my smoke. Mme. is still up. – As for the day and the day’s events: I had a tin of lentils tonight. “Meal”. Daily meal, that. There’s no Tea. No vodka. No soda. No munchies. There’s oatmeal, if I want, creamer and sugar. But I don’t want to bother with cleaning the bowl after. And there’s room-temperature water. – Earlier, I noticed a draft coming through the door to the porch by the door-knob. The weather-stripping on the out-side of the door at that point is “worn”, perhaps from being used so much of late. Oh well. It’s not TERRIBLE, but it’s a draft coming in. – And I got a reply from the post to Crgslst about the flat. I specified “Rouses Point/Champlain” and the reply? Leanna and Dick… Willsboro. “Are you firm on the location? I have a one bed-room up-stairs, living-room down-stairs that I would rent for 700. I’m in British Columbia with my husband because it’s warmer here.” and something about knowing about “200#” walking above. NOTE TO SELF here: She was the one who tossed her “friend of 14 years” and tossed another tenant out because the tenant’s friend was smoking on the front porch. Nope… not only is the place in Willsboro, too far to the South, I don’t want to get involved with all that “drama”. So? I just let it ride. – Latest up-date on the pillows… (I checked before my nap)… they’re due to arrive on Tuesday. OH! PLEASE! NOT on Monday! I don’t want to be so bothered with all the explaining and shit. Besides, it’s none of anybody’s business that I ordered them. bad enough I gave the soaps to Mme. telling her they’d been packed in my luggage. (She put them in the loo, in the little basket of “organic” soaps. Well? Maybe she’ll try them. If not? Not.) – So now, I’m trying to decide if I want to get back to bed yet or try to stay awake for a while, or have some oatmeal, or what. I’m not really hungry, and not eating isn’t an issue since I’ve got so much FAT round my belly that I’m sure I could live off of for a while (though I know I’ll feel the drop in the blood eventually). And I’ve got a package of Ramen too… But nothing to nibble on with tele. Oh well. It’s nothing “new”. – A little soc.med. I suppose. – And yes, I DO believe I’ll pursue the “disability” venue. WTF? Eh? I’ve work DAMNED HARD for my “retirement” and I’ll bust some balls if need be, to live the final moments of my existence in comfort (like sleeping on good, new pillows for a change). – 2.31 Passing time and looking for a flat in Bedford and WOW!!!! THERE’S SO MUCH RENTAL IN BEDFORD ON THE SIDE-ROADS!!! ALL AVERAGE 500-575! LOOKS LIKE I’M GOING TO HAVE TO HUSTLE BUTT… I NEED TRANSPORT! (And might need poêle et fridge.) 23.43 Still awake and have done a preliminary budget based on 870USD ss/month. NOT exactly “comfortable” but some-what affordable. I mean, I COULD swing it… barely. We shall see… we shall see. At least I’ve got figures to refer to.

Sat.3.Feb: 1.15 and another night of being up until… well… frankly, “normal hours” and I’m not really tired. It would be delightful to shower, but I can do that tonight… Mme. has her “dinner with friend”, AND I can EAT! – A browse on Twtr revealed Wells Fargo is in more trouble again… more fake accounts. I tweeted on the author account and they replied all “humble”… oh do tell us the trouble. I was “civil” when I thanked them for helping me dodge what could have been an association with a questionably ill-reputable establishment. (Looks like I’ll be making transfers via Melon to CIBC via OFX in future. I don’t know. Maybe.) – Well… off to try for a nap. – 5.52 and a “nap” is was. The previous “nap” was, I figured by the alarm I’d set… THREE hours. So it looks like i got my 6 hours of sleep. But I woke from a disturbing DREAM:
I’d taken a flat some-where, not sure where but it was quite far from where I’d been. I had a job but was attending some “job fair” in the new town, something for retail, an extra job. A lot of people were about, and some-how (terribly ambiguous) Jacquie, a woman in her late 40s or perhaps late 50s in the dream, very “Patsy Stone” (Ab Fab), blonde, quite rather dishevelled, had been driving me about, though our relationship was distant, not close. – At the job fair, there were so many people. It was chaotic, so many ill-mannered people, young, mostly. I’d passed some preliminary “screening” that was tedious and annoying, for the most part, and we, as a group, were sent along to some place that resembled a factory of a sort. Inside the “factory” was more a bit of a shopping mall. I approached the “sign-in/registration” table and a nasty comment, a feeble attempt at sarcasm was made about my kippa. The guy at the table looked up at a bunch of other men and made reference to the kippa. One guy said to me, with a disgusted look on his face “We don’t get much of your kind round here. We don’t much appreciate you people here, y’know.” The one at the table asked “Whddaya think of the chances?” and the other replied “Looks like you wasted a lot of time, yours and a lot of other people’s. We don’t hire that kind.” I replied some-what politely, that it wasn’t a “waste” of MY time at all because I suspected I was dealing with this kind of mentality and I appreciated that I was right and grateful that my suspicions have been verified. I left my paper-work on the table and went to look for “Jacquie” who was “lunching” with her “friends” some-where inside at one of the many eateries. – I had to go through about 4 or 5 of such places before I found her, sitting at a booth with several other loud and rather obnoxious women of varying ages, all equally dishevelled. “Do you have the key to the car?” I called over the cacaphony. “Key? To what?” she yelled back at me over the half-wall that separated the dining area from the walk-way where I was standing. “To the car.” I answered, rather annoyed. She looked blankly at me and one of the “gals” reached into a pile of what looked like the contents of a hand-bag and handed Jacquie the car key which she then slid across the table to one of the others who then handed it to me. I’d thought I’d just sit in the car and wait until Jacquie had finished her luncheon. I took the key and headed out to where the car was parked, on some sparsely tree-lined, poorly-paved road on the perimeter of the grounds. – As I was leaving the “factory/mall” via some back door corridor, there was mayhem, just the manner of the shoppers, scattered about, pushing and shoving to get to the exit door. It wasn’t because of any matter of importance. I understood it to be the mannerisms of the “locals” to be unruly, rude and obnoxious. In the fracas, I dropped some cloths, a bit of lace, some sort of other bits of fabric and my kippa fell off. I had to scurry to gather every-thing together and was walking along with-out my kippa on. It some-how fell again and I didn’t pick it up immediately but some woman behind me grabbed it and I heard her ask some-body else “Is he supposed to be going around with-out his hat?” I turned and took it from her and put it back on and continued out the door into the night and headed toward where I thought the car would be. – I was listening to my iPod, music from G’s, via a speaker. (The song was some-thing of the Aretha Franklin genre or a combination of Fontella Bass, Aretha and some other singer, but it was one of my all-time favourites. I can’t recall now, as I type, what the song was.) A large, Black woman heard the song and was very impressed! “Aretha?” she asked, and showed me a 7-inch 45 of the song that she had. “No, this one’s by …..” (I can’t remember the artist, but the surname began with “A”… along the lines of Barbara Aklin or Anne some-body.) I reached behind me and took the 45 out of a back-pack or the car or some-where. It just happened to be “there”, available, and I showed it to her. She took it from my hand, read the label and put it with her 45 and started to walk away. I stopped her and retrieved it and when I got it I noticed that she’d some-how managed to chip it in the very short while she’d held it. I was almost furious but didn’t let on. All I said was “Typical and expected. No respect for anything, theirs or other-wise.” and I got into the car. – Next thing, I was at the entrance to the building for the flat. Little dogs were scurrying about, about 3 or 4 of them, and a box of old bones was in the corridor. One of the little creatures was Jacquie’s and it wasn’t there. I was concerned that it had gotten lost en route back when it suddenly came in through the door, joined the others and scurried away. I went up the stairs to the flat. – I was in, door still open, when a tall, thin “nun” appeared at the door. She came in and rather campily and as if it were a chore to ask, asked me how the job interviewing went. I just managed to say that it didn’t turn out at all different from what I’d expected and she began some diatribe about being Jewish and not belonging. THEN she started questioning me as to how I’d “become” Jewish in the first place. “As I recall….” she began. I stopped her “You know nothing about me at any time before I got here to this shit-hole of misery, so don’t start with the ‘As I recall’ bull-shit because YOU don’t RECALL a damned thing. You’re all the very same: passing your ignorant judgements based and founded on absolutely nothing other than the phantasies you all manage to fabricate. As for the ‘when did you become’, when did YOU become a ‘NUN’?” I asked, fed-up and in no mood to pursue the matter any further. She perched her-self on a half-wall ledge and removed the habit. “She” was a young Latino whom I some-how and some-what recognised as being from Newburgh! At this point, about 4 or 5 others came into the room. There was somebody who resembled Richie (Dennis Pearl’s ‘other’), and a dyke who some-what resembled Julie. They all had something to say about me that was negative, unfavourable and insulting. “Mr. Sister” snapped, in a condescending tone “Oh that’s OK. I know who I can ask. I can ask (Charlie or some name of some guy who supposedly knew me from many years ago).” And as they all joined in, rattling-on in one grand bolt of cacaphony, I just looked up and said “You can ask what ever it is you feel you need to ask of whom-ever you feel you need to ask or whom-ever happens to be available. That’s your right and freedom to do so. But I’ve no time for this childish nonsense and your private play-time. I don’t waste my time dealing with this sort of thing and I suspect that’s one of the things you resent most. But you all just go on with what-ever it is that amuses you all so much. I understand that life around here is pathetic at best and that this is how you give yourselves meaning and purpose and how you occupy your time. I’ve got other things I need to get to right now.” – And, well-slept, my eyes opened in the dark room. The dream was done and I was awake.
SOMETHING is either VERY solidly lodged in my unconscious or these two dreams here are premonitory. Which-ever it is/they are, between the chaos of the wires in the first dream and the pandemonium of the second, I wonder what is in my head or what’s waiting round the next click of the clock. Oh well and alas, as I’m prone to say frequently of late: Only time will tell. I just have to keep on my guard… SOMETHING’S about to EXPLODE. – And here and now, at 6.37 on a Saturday morning, I finish my first coffee after being on the back porch for my smoke. I’m dressed again and the day has begun. I have to look further into “disability” and WiFi in the new place and tracking the new pillows (and hoping they don’t arrive until Tuesday). – JEESIS KRISTE! THE PILLOWS ARE IN WILLISTON! But the scheduled delivery is still Tuesday! Oh what a FUCK! It’s still with UPS though… and USPS still waiting for it. Watch… it’ll be there on Monday morning. Fuck me! – 7.29 snooze… 8.51 and we’re back up. – 22.31 *** PLATTSBURGH NY *** WE went to the airport… Mme. drove. It snowed rather impressively over the lake and through Rouses Point. The NORTHWAY was clear and WONDERFUL! We left at 14.22 (with-out Hallie) and arrived at the airport at about 15.40! NOT, the hour and 48 minutes told on Ggle! And THEN came the FUN… WE DROVE ROUND AND ROUND AND ABOUT PLATTSBURGH! Mme. was driving and I was watching and looking. My suggestion was to stay on the 22 into Plattsburgh and head out to the “strip” (which I thought was Margaret St. BUT, in fact, as I’ve confirmed, is CORNELIA). Anyway, we drove round the SUNY campus a couple of times, went every which way but correct until… BINGO… by chance, we came out of NY3… CORNELIA! She wanted to go to a restaurant called “Butcher Block”. OK. There is was, AT the Northway on Cornelia! And I offered to pay dinner… EXPENSIVE too! Prime ribs, NY steaks, filet mignon, that sort of beef. She insisted that I save my money and she’d pay. (It came to about 80-plus dollars!) I’d already ordered a VO Manhattan. But she had a Marguerita. We had TWO of each. She had stuffed haddock. I had 3 little beef Wellingtons. Coffee after. And it was, for me, SO wonderful to step out and into NY. Oddly, we passed a complex of nice flats and she said “Oh, you could live here. It’s really beautiful.” It brought us onto the matter of me looking in Plattsburgh, Rouses Point and Bedford. She’s not at all upset. And I pointed out that I could still keep tabs on Hallie and Mimou! So I think she’s almost looking forward to my departure. (She’s also planning a road trip in March when she gets back from Florida… grabbing the time whilst she may.) But it was WONDERFUL being in NY again! REALLY! – We left at about 18.30 and I drove back. – Warm welcome from the critters who got dinner immediately and an out-the-door. – 24.00 The temp filling in the bottom right came out tonight and the gum is swollen. Tooth-ache gel in it but it’s still swollen. Hopefully no “ache”. It’s time to get to bed. (I ate a WONDERFUL dinner this evening… I’m being punished.)

Sun.4.Feb: 8.51! and I’m just in from my smoke. EXHAUSTED and I don’t know why. That tooth. The gum is swollen this morning and I’m a bit on the feverish side. Trying to decide whether or not to go into the market or not. “Not” is more likely. I just don’t have the stamina. And I can’t think… of anything I want to get (other than a bottle of vodka). I’d like to go take a dump and go back to bed. But. Oh well. As I said just yesterday: If I wake with no pain, I’ll know I’d died in my sleep. And my left hip is sore too. I’d twisted it in the truck yesterday en route to NY. Oh… another day in the life. – Bonjour. – 24.12 *** SNOW *** DID WE EVER GET A COVERING!!! THERE MUST BE A HEFTY 10inches OUT THERE! But, the most important thing is, the day is done and it went with-out drama. And a nice dinner of burger, mushrooms and yam. Very nice. My tooth (lower right) is still sore and the gum is still a bit swollen, but not so much as to be “painful”. I pulled a bit a little while ago. Hopefully I’ll be able to “fill” it again and have no trouble. – Meanwhile, WNBZ was broadcasting some kind of “Numbers Station” today. No music. I looked it all up on-line. Common to short-wave (I even looked into getting a SW radio but I really need to stop the shopping… I need linens and such more than a radio at this point), it’s considered a radio “enigma”. There have been broadcasts since WWI and thought to have been directed at “agents” and “espionage” and the likes. Fascinating stuff! And it made me miss my old short-wave days on Valentine avenue. – For the most part, i was in the room all day, save a tea break and dinner. And I slept, of course, during the day. Mme. went to church this morning and asked if I needed anything in Enosburgh. I declined… Whilst she was gone, “Nick” got a bit of attention at last and, oddly enough, the pain in my left hip/groin went away. Seems that pain has some connection. I wonder if it isn’t some kind of tumour or cyst or something in that area. But, I’m only a little “stiff” in that area tonight, the “pain” is gone. (Now, if only I could do like-wise with the tooth and gum.) – Other-wise, other than the SNOW, there’s nothing much to mention. – I should get to sleep now and wake at a good hour in the morning (later). But I’m really not all that tired. I hope I can get some sleep. – Haven’t watched “tele” in a few days either. Hmmm… But tomorrow? A few days of the house alone. Two more weeks and then about THREE weeks alone. I only hope they’ll be GOOD weeks. – The pillows are still in Williston. I’m REALLY hopeful that they won’t arrive before Tuesday as indicated. – No more shopping for a while. If I need anything, it can wait until after the 15th when I can get to the Goodwill first. – Oh, I looked into getting Mme. a new phone. Seems I can’t. Will have to look into that as well. A store-bought, pre-paid (like I have) won’t work on a “contract” and Mme. insists upon keeping her number. Oh… a note: her stocks or what-ever company sent her a code via mobile phone. She mentioned it this morning. I told her that it was the same way as when I tried to get her a free phone number. She said “Well, it’s still in there on the phone.” I had to tell her that they’re only good for mere moments. NOT what she wanted to hear. But, I did make my point: When I asked you to tell me the code number for the phone, you didn’t bother. Now you can’t get it. Point made… and lost. – It’s warm out there tonight. Nice weather for a walk in the new snow. I wish I could handle such a thing now. But I can’t. My feet are numb, legs are numb and, well… I need to get out of and away from here so no “damaging” me. (I’m still pondering how to get to the ER soon, with my back, and get disability… it’s coming. I need the extra income! And I’ve learnt here: get it anyway you can.)

Mon.5.Feb: 8.08 Dressed and waiting to have a smoke. Numbers Station on NBZ this morning. Head-ache. Tooth ache. And Bozo-Burtie plowing the drive.- 8.16 in from a smoke and the snow that was on the trees last night is blowing all about! And, of course, it’s quite FRETTE out there this morning. Winter. Februrary. I can’t help but think: I keep telling folks: Got to get through February, especially if Winter hasn’t done Wint’ry things by then. Yep. February. – And the numbers keep coming on NBZ. – Monday. – 11.42 About 30 minutes ago there was a “meroo” at the door. Mimou. I went out into the house to find that Mme. had left. Her “work bags” are still here but she’s gone. Left. No word. Nothing. Just gone. OK. Fine. And Mimou’s dry food? Gone too. There was almost half a large container of it. Gone. OK again. – Meanwhile, there’s the coldest air current in the house and no fire in the stove. Cold out-side. Not much wood in the kitchen. And the thermostat? No telling. Very nice. The consideration lingers… not. – And NBZ is still on “Numbers Station” format. It’s just back-ground sound. – Looked-up Tennie Leonard this morning. She’s still using the portrait I took of her so many years ago. Am tempted to phone her. Why? Not sure. But probably won’t. – It’s COLD in here! – 15.17 and she’s off… Town Hall, her Pammie and… ? At least she knocked to say she was leaving this time. OK. – 22.07 SHOWERED! NECA7! And feeling clean. – I took a nap until about 17.30, fed the brood, finished off the pasta that I’d bought last trip to the market and a tin of creamy chicken Chunky soup. THEN… off to the general store for bread, chocolate pudding, half’n’half (to make the pudding), a graham crust (bought 2 and have one left now so I’ll have to figure what to do with that), bag of crisps and 4 Teas! Set for the night! Came back, made the pie. It turned out… well… nothing like the ones we used to get at Oma’s. This was paler and not as thick. But I’d put it on the porch for about half and hour. The half that’s left is in the fridge. I doubt it’ll get darker, but maybe a bit thicker for tomorrow. Oh, tinned whipped “light” (fuck) cream to top. OK. It sufficed. – A bit of TV and snacks for the critters and off to the shower. – OH! THE PILLOWS ARE AT THE P.O.! ARRIVED AT 14.18 OR SO. WHEN-EVER. TOMORROW… NEW PILLOWS! I might use them or I might save them for after the move. Not sure yet. But I probably should use them. No sense “saving for a special occasion”… not at my age and in my health. – Speaking of “health”… felt AWFUL after eating… weak… light-headed… just not “right”. I wonder. When I went to the store I felt drunk or stoned. Hmmm… Oh well. Y’know, if dying means here, I’ll take the dying. I hate the world and being alive more than I hate this state. AND… there’s enough money in the account for cremation. So? I’m set… as it were. – Now, in clean jammies and pillow cases… time for some tele and off to sleep (I hope). This day is GONE! Fuck the world.

Tue.6.Feb: 6.20 and a night with-out tooth-ache was exchanged for a night of LEG CRAMPS! Lights out at about 1.30 and soon there-after, it all began. Up and down and up and down with the cramps. And so, with this most recent bout, I’ve decided to get up. So I’ve re-started the fire with the last bit of wood, had my pee and coffee and am now to get dressed and smoke. There’s wood to bring in from the garage (though the thermostat in the house is set now for 75F which I did yesterday at about 17.30 or so… just to be certain this place doesn’t get too cold no matter what), critters to feed and PILLOWS to be fetched. No doubt, there’ll be SHIT of SOME kind to be dealt with along the way as well, but… Another day commences. – FUCK! – 7.58 The critters have been out in the flocons and are eating breakfast, the fire-wood is stacked in the kitchen (I’ll be using the furnace from here-on-in) albeit not the usual stack-to-the-hilt format. The kitchen floor is swept. There isn’t much in the recyclables and any that I produce will be in tomorrow’s trash pick-up. I’ve done my soc.med. for the morning. I suppose I could go back to bed and try for some of the lost sleep of last night. Though I know that’s never compensated. And I’ve not been to the morning loo yet. Still, the morning’s necessities are complete. And as I type, it’s JUST 8.01. (As I’ve said and think again this morning: this place would look more like an old barn, if I didn’t bother.) – Oh, and it appears that somebody (5225? The store? The border-folks?) has gotten themselves a little dog… that they choose to leave out of doors in the cold. It’s been yelping from since I first stepped out this morning. How charming. – 11.46 Not even yet noon and… THE PILLOWS are here… and, well… if this is “Extra Firm” I’d certainly hate to see their idea of “Soft”. But… they’re here, they’re bought and now I’ll decide whether or not to use them here or wait. – Add to this (the trip to the PO), the walk is shovelled, the paths to truck and PO are shovelled, the ash buckets are empty, the stove re-stoked (one piece just to maintain warmth in it and no more). The critters were out with me as I shovelled. And? I should Hoover but… – I also took a bit of a nap for about 40 minutes. Still groggy-ish, and only just now getting to the last half of my second coffee. – Meanwhile… NBZ is still “Numbers Station” broadcasting though with their own voice-over announcement that’s a bit on the chintzy side. Oh well. – Another day… gone to after-noon… gone. – 21.10 Started this at 20.15 but ORDERED TWO TOWELS FROM IKEA… SAME AS THE ONE I HAVE ONLY IN WHITE. Cost me MORE than I’d wanted to spend but less than the renewal on the NRA (which doesn’t come due until August anyway). So now I have two new pillows and two new towels and three new face-flannels for the new place! Little by little I’m getting it together here. There will be more, no doubt, but at least I’m getting the essentials together (and enjoying my money whilst I may). – Now, for my SHOWER DAMN IT AND TO BED! Hopefully to SLEEP tonight, through and in peace. (Towels are due Monday, by the way, and probably UPS… shit.) – OK. As I say: Hopefully for a night’s sleep… PAINLESS! – 21.47 SHOWERED! BAT OREN! In bed and the wash is spinning and the day is CLOSED! AT LAST! Although, I’ve done mostly nothing all day except nap. “Meal” was 4 of Hallie’s franks in the “Sloppy Joe” sauce on 2 rolls. Not “healthy”, to be certain, but calories and fats and food none-the-less. – I’m rather excited and sorry about the towels. It would have been a delight to go to Ikea in Montréal for them. But my chances of doing that any time soon are… close to zilch. (I hope I can get to Goodwill and find a flannel for the sleeping bag whilst Mme. is in Florida though.) – And so, time for a bit of “Cats” or “Countdown” or something and I’ve taken a naproxyn, just to be on the “safe” side for sleep tonight. Hopefully it will work… and I can wake refreshed in the morning. There’s nothing but floor-mopping to be done. – There’s some wood in the stove, to keep embers and nothing more. The thermostat is still set at 75F and it’s been “comfortable” all day and it’s warm enough in here tonight. And… in addition to the little bit of flocons we had today, there are more coming. 15cm due for tomorrow. We shall see. Just let the weather be perfectly clear for the 15th! –

Wed.7.Feb: 9.47 Out of bed at 7.45. Pee. Let the critters out. Coffee. Throw a log into the stove. Get the garbage together. Prepare breakfast for the critters. Let the critters back in to eat. Clean the litter box. Garbage at the door. To the loo. Then put the garbage at the curb. Re-fill the bird feeders. And… just now, miss a fucking call because the god-damned phone took too fucking long to give me the “answer” option. And the day commences… now that the morning “chores” are done. Meanwhile, the thumping up-stairs commences. Just another day in… “Fucking Paradise”. Do I have anything “pressing” on the agenda? No. Not really. Are there things I’d LIKE to do? Perhaps. Not sure exactly what, but I’m sure there’s something… other than just going right back to the bed and back to sleep. It’s “avoidance” and “depression”, of course. But, meanwhile, I did manage to sleep through the night… under only a flannel. Seems even the light weight of the sleeping bag on the bed causes leg cramps. What a fucking mess am I! “Old” and crumbling. And wondering if I shouldn’t use the new pillows. I don’t know. I just want to get to a nice little place where I can have my existence in some kind of order and be found… dead. – Good morning. In-fucking-deed. – 21.56 SHOWERED: BAT OREN, and in bed. Under-things in a quick wash and the house is settled. Mme. won’t be back until afternoon tomorrow so there’s no morning rush to think about. She’s a dental appointment in the morning and luncheon after. how charming. Dental. I need to find some way to get that. – Anyway…. it snowed ALL through the day and the shovelling got done TWICE! I’ve taken a naproxyn already. And Mrs. Twat moved her vehicle to the end of the walk (so Burtie could plow “her” end of the drive) so Mme. will come in to a non-plowed drive tomorrow, I’ve no doubt. (Ah, a thought: I wonder when she’ll be going to Costco… for her “holiday away”. IF at all. Although, not necessary. I’ll have the truck.) And so, the shovelling is done. I sorted through all the kindling in the garage and burned the scraps in the stove today. It gave a bit more heat. And the thermostat is back down to 67F. The house actually feels a bit cooler but the radiator in the room is set back up higher. – Other than that? Another day of multi-naps. I’m always so fucking tired. But there’s no trouble, I suppose. The house is always “presentable” when Mme. returns and that’s the most important bit. – Garbage is gone. Sink is cleared. Tonight’s “meal” was chicken fukkitz with cheese. I forgot to get dessert. But I’ve another pie crust for… when and about 170 on the FS card. I’ll not go starving (yet… until somebody decides to pull that from me as well, and I’ve no doubt that’s coming). – And so, 4 more Teas and two for tonight with crisps. The wash is on spin. Toss to the dryer and… “Cats” or “Countdown” or something for a bit as the wash dries and then? HOPEFULLY A FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP! FUCK.

Thu.8.Feb: 7.59 Coffee, done. Loo, done. Stove re-stoked. Critters out. Critters in. Critters fed. Smoke, done. Burtie plowed… THE YARD! I mean… THE YARD! Almost right up to the house. I shovelled and he plowed, almost to the point where my shovelling can’t be noticed. Oh well. Good, I suppose. – But I’m not feeling at all right. “Removed”. “Tight” in the chest and round-about. Light in the head. I slept through the night, so it’s not sleep-related. But it’s that chest thing again. Just “removed”. One of these days… one of these days. Oh well. Sadly, I’m at the point now where I don’t really much mind. Heart attack? Fine. Just let it be the one and only. Done. It would be “me”: getting things together for a new place, a bit of money in the banque, looking forward to gathering the bits of my existence to put a little something together for me and… BAM! Gone. It would be me. But then again, it would be fine anyway. Just “go”, be gone, cease, finish, done. Kay Sarah, Sarah. – Well, there’s another loo visit to come this morning and then a quick run-through the house, Hoover and mop (and then perhaps, back to bed). Oh, the things I have to look forward to. The day will do what the day will do. – (It’s almost difficult to even type. My fingers don’t want to move, and what-ever is in my chest doesn’t want to bother functioning.) – 17.10 It’s almost laughable… Mme. rolled in at about 14.15, complaining that she couldn’t chew her salad at lunch. “It’s like that every day, for me.” I replied. And the matter was closed. Shortly there-after, she was on the recliner… dozing and I came to the room… to doze. In fact, I’m only JUST getting back out of bed! (BUT… the floors have been Hoovered and the back walk and such have been shovelled so… fuck all that shit.) The “laughable”? I’ve been laying in bed for about and hour or so, listening to the banging… from up-stairs… over her head. At least it’s not as pronounced in this room. I can hear it, but for her, it’s directly above, unless she goes to the kitchen. Oh well. – And now, I’m just waiting for the chicken fukkitz to thaw a bit… “meal” today. Sadly, I’d put them on the porch last night and it’s been quite cold all day today. Of note: I have a bag of rolls as well, that I’ve kept beside the bed against the “kitchen” wall… They’re COLD! Thankfully I have the radiator or I’d be frozen in here! Fuck this. – 17.31 WNBZ playing “Tuesday Afternoon”, Moody Blues, and my guts splattered! Back to Nbg! The Park. Dennis. So much for eating. – 23.38 Backed-up the drive and fucked about with files and Mme. went to bed at about 22.00. Now? I’m a bit hungry… bread and butter, perhaps, or just the crisps with tele and Tea. That nap I took at about 16.00 has screwed my night round. Oh well… No big deal. Surely there’s nothing on the agenda for tomorrow OTHER THAN SHOVEL THE FRONT BECAUSE IKEA SENT THE TOWELS VIA FED-FUCKING-EX AND THEY’RE DUE ON SATURDAY! FUCK-OFFS. Anyway… perhaps I’ll get away with another “gift from daughter”? For the “new place”… my torso or what-ever-the-fuck they call it. Truso? I don’t know and don’t give a shit. What-ever. – Now to wrap the day up… a Tea.

Fri.9.Feb: 7.21 and I don’t truly know why I’m sitting here, awake (other than the incredible crash in the kitchen when Mme. Shit4brains slammed something in the dish-washer in there). I didn’t get to sleep until almost 2.00 and here it is, about 5,5hrs. later and I’ve had my pee and coffee. The bloody-fucking day has begun. – Just turned the radio on. Seems as if WNBZ is ON THE AIR! Carly Simon (Too Late Baby) and “Good Ol’ Boys Like Me”. Carly and Country? Let’s see where these two folks take this station. (Hopefully not into the ground as did the previous folks. But it’s all really none of my business… really.) – And so? And so. I may as well get dressed and get out for my smoke… and to see Mimou who is, no doubt, on the porch in the cold. But that too, is none of my business. None of what happens in this hole is any of my business. I just need to keep that fact in mind, conscious, and all will be just fine… move along, move along. – “Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn’t didn’t already have….” This station is going to be a heart-ripper (if I let it). – I have to get my circulation going… there’s a front walk to be shovelled this morning. – 10.47 and out to shovel the front walk. Meanwhile, WNBZ is playing the 60s and 70s, obscure and “gut-rippers”. And the day gets under weigh. – 13.33 The front walk is now cleared, the ice is chopped and some snow-melt put down. The paper-tube is accessible. Ready fro the arrival of the towels (may they come when I’m in the house alone). And I got the mail: the usual nasty “We’re taking your soul” from Labour and a nice note from FS saying that they tried to get me but the call went to voice-mail and please call because they can’t confirm my soc.sec. income. I’ve until the 17th. I’ll ring on Monday (or Tuesday). And so, the morning is gone, the after-noon rolls in, Mme. is cooking her lunch and my stomach is churning. But I used the back brace to shovel and thus far… it’s OK. We shall see. – I want to nap. As usual. Lettuce sea. – 22.39 POSTED THE JEANS TO CRAIGSLIST IN PLATTSBURGH AND NYC JUST NOW. – *JUST CHECKED THE TRACKING FOR THE TOWELS FROM IKEA: FedEx CHANGED THE DELIVERY DATE TO TUESDAY! ORIGINALLY DUE TOMORROW. SO? CAN’T TRUST IKEA SHIPPING. No prob. I’ve resolved to not shopping on-line any more. I’ll have the truck… I’ll look about with that time. – Had dinner with Jacquie this evening. Salmon, squash, potatoes. Quite delicious and welcome. And tomorrow evening she believes she’ll be out to dinner (from last Satruday’s cancelled dinner). So, I’ll be able to eat something or another. – Meanwhile, 4 pairs of jeans back out on advertising… 29,00 each (less the shipping of course). Let’s see what happens. Great combo: Plattsburgh and NYC. Interesting. – And WNBZ is playing quite an eclectic choice of music. Their DJs leave a bit to be desired but WOW! It’s “Old Time Radio”… DJs and all! And the music? Gut-wrenchers along with stuff I didn’t really like back when but… that too is “Old Time Radio”. It’s really nice… and it’s NYS. – So? Almost time to call this day “done”. Glad I got the jeans listed. I’ll have to go through the rods and reels next… Plattsburgh, and environs. Or maybe some place in the South. I dunno. – In a bit of pain in the groin tonight. Hopefully nothing lasting.

Sat.10.Feb: 9.14 “You’ve not seen nothing like the Mighty Quin”. And so begins the day… Up at about 8.20-something, pee, coffee, out for a smoke and to shovel the back stoop. We must have had about another 15cm over-night. Oh well. At least it’s not bitter cold out there. Or, as Mme. commented “At least it’s light.” (As if she knew the weight of the snow.) Anyway, yes, dressed and up and about and… let’s just hope the “dinner engagement” comes through this evening. – I’m tired again now. But… I’m rather some-what relieved that the towels won’t be here until Tuesday. Worked-out well, even though I was informed that they’d be here today. Fine. It’s just fine. – 12.58 FINAL… THE NEW BANQUE CARD ARRIVED TODAY! Exp.’21. It was my top concern and now, all I need do is get to Bedford, check my balance on the ATM and it’s done. I can toddle along. And I see that there are junk yards about that tow and pay for cars. The Subaru situation is settled. Now to find a replacement and… we’re off to find residence. – Meanwhile, the snow is falling ever-so lightly, the temperature is just about melting. I could go out and shovel but I don’t want to. I’d like to go back to sleep. But there’s time for that later… and I hope to have the place this evening at some point for a few hours. We shall see. – Crochet is still an option. Maybe I should open a new “Selz”? – 24.11 BOUGHT *ADK CHAMPLAIN* DOMAIN. WHY? I thought I’d sell shit on it. Now? I’m thinking I was just stupid. AND I made a typo on the registration: gmial instead of gmail! FUCK ME! Had to call GoDaddy customer support who said they’d fixed it but it doesn’t seem they have. I’m trying to get the WordPress blog on but… maybe I just have to wait. – Well, Mme. went to dinner and I fucked the time away with GoDaddy. She came back at about 21.30 and watched the Olympics. – I’m tired now and want my tea. (Whilst she was gone, I went to the store for Velveeta… 2 rolls, bag of crisps, for tonight and PopTarts, for tonight.) – And it SNOWED ALL DAY… and is still snowing. Oh well.

Sun.11.Feb: 8.29 I don’t know why, but I woke at about 7.30 or so, and got up, out of bed. Checked the status of the new *ADK Champlain” domain… still the same, can’t work with it, GoDaddy still hasn’t “confirmed” the e-mail. I’m annoyed. Oh well. And it’s another grey morning, -8°. “Tickle” in the nose. And fatigue. A delightful morning. I should go back to bed, but… have just had my morning smoke and I suppose the day is rolling. Alas. – 12.23 WNBZ goes “religious” during the day… scripture readings and the shit. Sad. There goes more radio. Good thing I didn’t pursue employment there. – Wasted morning on-line but fun chats on Minds. – Burtie’s plowing the drive and of course, Mme. Marde rang the Twats who immediately moved their vehicle… Neither Mme. nor her Twats had that sort of consideration for me and lawn care or even the garden. Well? Fine. – I’m going for a needed nap. My tummy’s a bit “off” this morning. – 17.51 and I am SO ready to simply go back to sleep. I had a 2-hour nap and woke only about 2 hours ago, but am tired enough to simply go back to sleep. Just in from a smoke after an annoying venture with GoDaddy who sends DMs on Twitter with convoluted, obscure and abstract instructions that I follow but can’t complete because of one typo in the e-mail registration. So I had to file a complaint with ICANN. Of course, that won’t be addressed until Monday at this point (tomorrow… maybe). I’m about ready to cancel the whole shit thing. What a pain in the arse. Anyway, I stepped out for a smoke to find Hallie and Mimou out there. So I had my smoke, put the light on and brought them back in. Mme. is cooking dinner which she said, in passing, will be ready in an hour. I don’t want any. I’ve had terrible gas all day, in addition to the fatigue. There’s nothing to eat in the room, save the crisps and PopTarts (I had 2 earlier anyway). No Tea. Oh well. – I looked for trucks and cars under 2k on Crgslst. There are a few, rather nice, between here and Plattsburgh, but the decrease in soc.sec. makes it a bit annoying to look at and consider. And I do NOT want to be stuck here for more than 2 more months. Always something. Honestly, I don’t know why I even bother with it all. I just don’t know. – The Twats’ vehicle is still in front of the post office and the drive isn’t plowed over on “their” side. None of my business nor my concern. – And Mme. is watching the Olympics. – Pondering a bit of some kind of video for a while. If I actually go to bed now, I’ll be up in the middle of the night, no doubt, with nothing to do or eat or drink. And tomorrow will be a drag… until about 16.00 or so when Mme. heads out to work. – This is going to be some kind of week ahead. Oh well, so be it. This “mood” is purely fatigue and the fatigue is purely depression. – 19.54 Had dinner with. 2 chicken leg, potatoes, bean casserole. Just enough to say “I ate”. It was fine, good, filling. Watched a few moments of TV and am back in the room. Mme. is out strolling with the critters and I’ve taken a naproxyn in the hope that it will help with a night’s sleep.

Mon.12.Feb: 4.15! Up and dressed! Why? A sneeze. Yes, a sneeze woke me. But it seems I got enough sleep. So I blew my nose, made my coffee, took my vit.C, got dressed, had my smoke. It’s cool out there, and the walk is covered in ice. “Verglace”. Indeed. Not too terribly cold though. The ground is visible in spots in the yard. The snow has melted some-what. And it’s peaceful out there. Very nice. But in my chest and throat, a lump of some kind. Heart attack day? Could be. Maybe not. It’s Monday… a business day. FS and the likes. Who knows what the day holds in store? Attacks of some kind. I don’t understand why I even give a shit. I shouldn’t. I need to work on that. And what shall I do with this day? As usual, that remains to be seen… when this day gets wrapped-up at the end. At least I slept through the night. No “tele”. I just went to bed, probably round about 21.30 or so. – Well… here we go… another day. – 6.59 Time for a snooze. – 9.14 Re-start on the day. Nice “nap”. (I want to go back to sleep now.) – 20.26 And the house is “settled”. Mme. left at about 14.30 and I phoned FS. They want documentation on Soc.Sec. Well, I’ll see what I can do about that. I’ve no doubt I’m going to be cut off which means… Bedford is a definite since I’ll have to be buying food and I’ll be doing that up there since everything will be going to the USD account and the exchange will be necessary at that point. – AND I rang GoDaddy to get the ADK account settled. Even the Customer Service gal, “Zena” I believe, said that it was odd and that it should have taken moments instead of the 39 minutes. But IT’S DONE! I’ve even forwarded it to the WP blog! (Now I have to work on turning the “work” blog into a “sales” blog. OK. Something to keep me occupied.) – AND… I posted a notice of fesses-book about the jeans… 3 pairs for sale at 29,00 each. Said to contact me directly via e-mail “NOT on FB”. Of course, I don’t expect anybody there to have the sense to follow the instructions and I’ve no doubt there’ll be posts on fesses-book. But… I won’t see them so? – And for “meal”, I finished the potatoes and little bit of squash. That was it. (And I believe I’ve cracked a filling, upper left on just those alone! FUCK!) Not very much to eat all day but it killed the hunger. I’ll have to get something substantial… on Thursday, perhaps. – Well, the day is done and the house is settled, There’s cleaning to be done and wood to haul in but that can wait until tomorrow when the towels are due to arrive. We shall see. – For now? I’m going to SHOWER and get to bed. No Tea or anything. But I finished off the old scotch (nasty) with some ginger ale. Not much. Just “something”. – My stomach is still a bit “off”. Much gas and a constant sensation of having to “go”. Oh… things. – Fuck me.

Tue.13.Feb: 8.59 Awakened by Mimou at a little past 7.00 and it was up, coffee, pee, let the critters out, serve breakfast for them, re-start the stove with the 2 bits of fire-wood remaining, let the critters in, get dressed, have a smoke and sit, quietly, in the loo for a while (Twtr time). – ADK Champlain IS UP AND RUNNING DELIGHTFULY THIS MORNING ALREADY! THERE’S WORK TO BE DONE ON THAT NOW! – Minus 18 this clear morning. – Last night, Mimou started sleeping with me on the bed (oh, and as I type, the phone ring… 9.00 on the nose. WTF?) but that didn’t last too long. He purred so, laying there, beside me. But my turning made it uncomfortable. I put the lights out after 1.00 this morning, not quite “tired” but managed to fall asleep. Woke this morning feeling “run-over”. A “typical” morning. (Thursday is going to be interesting… probably a RUN with-out toilet. Mme. wants to leave by 7.30 which means I’ll have to be up by 5.00. Charming.) – And now? There’s wood to be hauled, a walk out front that probably needs attending, dishes in the kitchen sink and floors to be cleaned, laundry to be done and the stress-part: documents to be printed and sent to FS. Oh well. And the windows on the Subaru out back are frosted… from the inside. There’s moisture in the car. I’ll be lucky to get 50 bucks out of that thing. Well? Never let it be said that “Life” gives us a break. – Another day commences. – Fuck me. – 11.31 And by 11.20…
The front walk got shovelled.
The fire-wood got hauled into the kitchen (including another bucket of kindling*).
The garage got swept.
The ash buckets got emptied.
The littler box got cleaned.
More littler was added to the box.
The kitchen floor got a preliminary sweep.
The garbage, weighing so much that 2 bags probably aren’t strong enough, got put together.
Snow, for plant water gathered and put on stove to melt.
*She went through a PACKED bucket of kindling in the 3 days she was here. She probably throws it all in at once, instead of using it properly: to simply re-start the fire from embers. Oh, and the ash buckets? Mostly paper waste. I tossed it onto the drive, at the end of the walk because there’s thick ice build-up there. But I had to toss more snow over it to keep it from blowing away. I can’t help but continue to think: she’s got NO sense of house-keeping, NO sense of fire-building, NO sense of feeding the cat (she packs the paté food so the poor thing can’t eat it), NO sense of the work that gets done round the place… just NO sense of every-day, daily chores and living. And I think more often of late, that Cecil most likely didn’t bother cleaning or tidying because, well, it’s really for naught, other than self, because she’s obviously “Chaos” itself. It takes mere moments for her to un-do anything done round here. For example: Clean the kitchen floor and she walks right in, muck and mud tracked along, or tidy the kitchen table and she almost IMMEDIATELY, upon entering the house, tosses what-ever is on the table about and finds more to add to the clutter, fire-wood goes into the stove like a conveyor, needed or not, and my all-time fave is the bags and luggage and shoes that get tossed by the cat’s little cage so that he has to jump over the shit to get to his food. Yeah, I understand poor Cecil more and more. As I’ve said before and will continue to say: When nobody’s here to do all this work, this house is going to look like her Lis’s place: filthy, stinking, dreary, and rather abandoned-looking. BUT… I’ve accomplished quite a bit in a few short hours this morning. There are a few more items on my list: Hoovering, mopping, wash/laundry, and my finger nails need trimming. But I must remember, there’s time. She won’t be back until tomorrow evening. – Meanwhile, I await the arrival of my new towels (and I have to find a place to put them… until they can be placed in “my” bath-room… may that moment come soon). – Right now, I’m about ready for a nap (again). Most of me wants to sleep… some of me wants to keep moving. We shall see what part wins out. – Oh, and the ADK site? Nope. Wasn’t working properly on the lap-top. Worked fine in “Dolphin” on the phone. So I changed it to “https” on the forward. THAT put the whole process back another 24-48 hours. Oh well… time. – 20.34 The TOWELS ARRIVED, ARE WASHED AND BAGGED FOR PACKING! FedEx delivered, claiming “front porch” at 13.56. BULL-SHIT! The box was at the BACK door at about 18.30 when I went out with the critters! No doubt… delivered to the Twats as is the usual FedEx Bull-Shit! So now I get to wonder if the delivery will be mentioned to Mme. Oh well. No sense worrying. It’ll happen and then… Fuck it! At least they’re here. One less item I’ll need in the new place. – At the lst minute I decided to have one of the left-over chicken legs with a bit of bean casserole and a mayo sammich. “Meal” today. It’s OK. And THEN I decided to go to the store for 4 teas and a small bag of crisps because… just because. – Meanwhile, towels and jammies and pillow cases are washed and fresh. Tomorrow morning I’ll do the floors and my clothes. – But right now, it’s time to get to the shower… a GOOD shower and to the “Cats does Countdown” for the night. Tomorrow is going to be… what-ever. Mme. not due back until late after-noon/evening. She’d better be back at a decent hour… I’m expected to haul her to the airport (and hopefully will convince her NOT to bring Hallie so I can check some kind of shopping and perhaps a stop at a CIBC to activate my new card). Time… only time will tell it all. – 21.42…
MR. G’S IS NOW A DOT COM!

Wed.14.Feb: 8.38 and rudely awakend by BOTH critters this morning. The only “pressing” items on the agenda: let them out to pee, feed them breakfast and take out the garbage. Well? That’s all done. The floors come next and all’s done. (Though I’ve been asked to get the mail but… no rush on that.) And Mimou’s been chatting at me all morning for some reason. And I’m sneezing and runny nose. Lovely. Another morning. And here it is, going for 9.00 and I’ve been at the day from since about 7.15 and am already at wits’ end. Charming. Fuck me. – 10.03 and the floors are done. The “task list” is complete. The Mr. G’s site is still on “hold” because the InterNIC/ICANN can’t get their shit together. Mimou is still yelling at me (hungry, no doubt, but the kitchen floor is wet). And me? I’m at a point where I’m fed-up with the day already. Can’t help but think: I wanted direct deposit of soc.sec. so they’ve got the CIBC account on file. I suppose it’s only a matter of time until they seize that too. Time to find another banque… spread the wealth, as it were. And all the while I keep thinking of the illegals who come into the country and get free housing, utilities, food, cars, education. I’ve lived too long… – Well? There’ll be a couple of weeks in this house… with the Twats above. Hell. That’s what it’s going to be… Hell, in this law-biased shit-hole. We’ll see… “Time”. – 13.42 Up from an hour’s nap of half-snooze. Having a tea and wanting little-to-nothing more than to go right back to the bed. Pondering all of the “events” concerning income and expenses to come. I really have to work on letting all of this go. There’s precious little that I can do to control any of it. “People” will do what they want. Seems no matter what, we’re always at the mercy of strangers, people who neither know us nor know of us, apathetic people to whom their “job” is nothing more than being paid to appear at a desk and fuck others until there’s no life-blood left in them. Alas. So it is. – But I have 3 domains that can use some serious work. I’m thinking of keeping G’s running for a couple of years. I have the money now and may as well use it for those things that will give me some little pleasure… for as long as they can. And keeping G’s alive and well some-how gives me the most pleasure right now… probably the ONLY pleasure in my existence. – 21.10 Alarms set for 4 and 4.10. Mme. came in just after 17.00. We had a bit to eat (I ate only because I knew she had to). She’d bought a “jug” of Canadian Club and I had a bit with flat ginger ale at dinner. And we printed her boarding pass for tomorrow, she took the critters out for a stroll and we watched a little TV. Calm. Oddly, she came in JUST as the Twats were leaving following a MAJOR BAMMING SESSION UP THERE. But the whole brood left together… I wonder if they’re not putting the Mr. into an institution. I should be so fortunate. Anyway… the Twats are still out which means a middle-of-the-night BANG when they return, interrupting my sleep. Oh well. Something to talk about on the trip to Plattsburgh tomorrow morning. (I’ve resolved to placing an advert for the flat up there if there’s all sorts of shit… let Mme. know that there are people out there who will pay enough for the place to make it worth her while to get rid of them. Hey! Others have tossed me. I pass along the “kindness”. FTW.) – And now? A Tea and ONE episode of “Cats Does Countdown”. – I hope I can get to a Goodwill or something tomorrow… or to the banque to activate my card. We shall see. It’s expected to be rainy. Let it be ONLY rain.

Thu.15.Feb: 4.48 Up. Showered. Dressed. Smoked. Why? Because. Tired? OH FUCKING YEAH. It was 0.09 when the Twats returned… BANG! On the first step. Then “thump thump thump thump thump” to kick the snow off their feet (I’ll presume). Next came “thump thump thump thump thump thump” the dog, down AND up the steps. And then… pretty much silence… but I was awake… again. I’d only just put out the lights. Yes, I watched two episodes of “Cats Countdown” and then decided to look-up the “Countdown tea-pot” and.. what-ever. AND I’d had a Tea (and I think I’d taken a naproxyn, hoping it would help me sleep). I’d half-slept, thinking or dreaming of the “hold” on the G’s domain. And just as I was drifting off to sleep, I woke just before the 4.00 alarm. Turned that off and half-dozed until the 4.10 alarm at which point I was up, coffee, gather toiletries and into the loo to the shower. And here I am. In from a smoke and semi-needing a BM. Ah… the mornings of getting up to the rain, rushing through the morning routine to be OUT THE DOOR AND ON THE BIKE AND OFF TO E. FAIRFIELD. MEMORIES! – And now I’ve got until 7.30 or so… Well? At least I’m prepared and ready to go. Shoes on and away. – Fuck me. So much for sight-seeing in Plattsburgh. And scratch any thoughts of travel at all after. I’ll probably come back and go back to sleep. IF I’m at all lucky. – 10.58 AND….Jacquie should be in the air by now (departure: 10.28). I drove to and from Plattsburgh this morning. We were on the road by 7.30 already, Mimou out in the yard some-where and Ms. Hallie in the back seat of the truck. Jacquie found a radio station, WPLB that plays all the “REAL” oldies and we had some singing along the way. And for me? It was WONDERFUL being back on the “home state”. Driving down the Northway at that hour of the morning, in the Winter scenery brought back SO MANY memories of the trips at that hour from Montréal. Yeah… I miss it. Strange to know that I had to come back to VT to get rested again. But, there’s 2 weeks and some for a return and then, on the 4th, the return to get Jacquie again. So? So…. – Meanwhile… This morning, there were Twtr posts about a new release of “Moon River”… Black artist. I clicked one of the links to listen and BANG! VIRUS WARNING! So this morning was a bust on-line on the lap-top until I did a full scan. Nothing was found on the drive but I’m still leery. Yes, I’ve see the likes before when I mis-typed the yootoob bull-shit. But I’m still wondering and a bit nervous. Fuck. So I posted several warnings on Twtr, via the phone. If nothing else, it should put a dent in the hits the new tune gets. Still, that’s bull-shit, especially at that hour of the morning. – Oh, and come to learn, the Twats woke Jacquie at mid-night too! So SHE didn’t get much sleep last night either. (It was almost obvious… she was rather quiet this morning.) Oh well… just so long as I don’t have to put up with bull-shit from up there whilst Jacquie’s away. I’ve no patience any more. Too much of this bull-shit over too much time. But at least Jacquie heard them this time. Not that it’ll make any difference. – And so… it begins… the couple of weeks in the house, here, rather alone. – I’m going to take a nap. I’m a bit hungry (of course, because I’m alone and can sit and eat), but I’m more in need of a bit of a snooze. – It’s chilly in the house but I’m not going to bother with the thermostat. It’s above freezing out there right now and a bit of a drizzle. Warm enough to melt the snow. That’s rather nice. And the weather forecast is for more of the same for a few days. Winter is still here but… – 11.08 I hear foot-steps up-stairs. Looks like there’s a Twat remaining. Oh well… If it’s going to get the little one from school, there’s about to be a bit more Hell to come. Fuck. – 21.47 Quick showered and in bed at last! I slept for a few hours this after-noon but I’m tired. Hopefully, after a rye and ginger and a Tea I’ll sleep until it’s time to wake again. Strange… knowing the Mme. won’t be rolling in for a while. – Anyway…>br />
MR. G’s IS NOW A DOT COM!!! AND HOOKED TO THE WORDPRESS BLOG! (Although the ADK Champlain is slow as shit now and usually doesn’t make the connection. But… we’ll work on that as well as time goes by. NOW I HAVE TO MAKE CERTAIN THE BLOG GETS THE ATTENTION!!!)
It took a while and a bit of doing but it’s done. And I suppose I’m happier about it. – So, earlier, I went to the store for chicken fukkitz, ice cream and bread and a small crisps (for tonight). Had the chicken with the left-over rice. So I can say that “I’ve eaten”. – Mme. is safely ensconced in Florida. Text confirmation received. I didn’t pursue much further, giving her time with her daughter. She was surprised that I’d come right back to the house. Oh well. I’ve got BTV shopping in store, perhaps for tomorrow. – Tonight’s revelation:
If I get a place in Bedford, I can keep a mailing address here, in Fuklin, come here on Monday to attend the critters, stay until Thursday. 4 days here, 3 days there. My “home” will be in Bedford (with furnishings, etc.) and my “job” will be in VT. Affordable, especially since I’ll probably be losing my FS. (IF it turns out that I find a reasonable place in NY, Fuklin is probably off the list.) But there we have it. It would be such fun to find a place in the next 2 weeks too. Then all I’d need is a car of some kind. So… something to set sights on! Yay me. Something to “occupy” my time. – Shopping? Pillow cases, a flannel sheet to repair the sleeping bag, a soap dish, tooth-brushes… in particular. Nothing terribly costly. Oh… and dental guard for the night so I don’t grind what little teeth I have left. – And as a note: I think I’ve repaired the water leak in the kitchen. The spray hose. As I washed all sorts of dishes (again) this evening, the floor was flooded. I believe it’s from that sprayer. So I taped it up with some electric tape. We shall see how (if) it fixes the situation (for a while anyway). – And now… all the critters are tucked-away, the up-stairs is quiet for the moment. (When I was in the store, I told Deb that Jacquie’s in Florida. “You’ll have some peace.” she said. I told her about up-stairs and the violence and “mentioned” he’s thrown her down the stairs. Well? Fuck with me? Prove me a liar. Meanwhile, the town will be chatting. – Time for “Cats Countdown” and my Tea. Hopefully a night’s sleep and fresh day tomorrow. – It’s comfy in here tonight. The day was in the 40sF, much of the snow melted, didn’t light the stove in the kitchen and the thermostat is up to 70F. Nice. HUMAN. –

Fri.16.Feb: 8.21 and the “morning routine” is done and I’m dressed, having wakened at 7.50, on my own after a night of full sleep. And greeting me is a grey, but not so very cold day. Plans to go “rolling”? We shall see how the hours pass and what they bring. I want to get my shopping done. And a thought passed: Keep the Bedford necessities on the banque card and other expenses on the soc.sec. card. But as is every day at this point, what to do about transport? Well, it’s a little something to keep the mind occupied. – Meanwhile, this is day 1 of… there are more to come in the house, alone. Just don’t forget that Mme. has to be retrieved on that Sunday (4 March, I believe). – And… we’re off and moving. (There’s a nap coming… I can feel it.) – 9.23 Loo and second coffee, second smoke and I honestly could go right back to sleep! The fatigue just rolls over me. Exhausted. Why? (Mental stress.) – 13.52 Snowing, so travel is out for the day. But just back from the post office where the news on the postage on the jeans is horrid. Over 10 bucks for the cheapest. So I’ve got a bit of researching to do on this to make it worth the selling and enticing the buying. Ah… something else to “occupy time”. – And tomorrow FS closes (again). Oh well. So there’ll be nothing for the month of March. Alas. Thankfully, there’ll be some kind of “income” (I can hope). And still no word on the lien on soc.sec. Sure! *I* have dead-lines but nobody else does. Life… what a royal cement-fuck. – 21.35 Another day is at and end. Snow all through but thankfully not but a few cm. accumulated. Me? I tried to get “JAKesslerDesign” back but SOME-HOW it ended up “Designs”! Too fucking late… two years of my domain now. FUCK. But it’s mine and I can put the site back up and out (pissing somebody off, I’m sure). And so… that’s the news:
JAKesslerDesigns is a dot com.
And I’m having a nice rye and ginger after my nice but quick shower. A little wash in the machine and now to close this day. Nothing on my list done, but… there are now 2 weeks left.

Sat.17.Feb: 8.56 and I woke, on my own, at about 7.30, got up, “morning routine” and as I sat in the loo, heard the 8.00 alarm. Oh well… I was under the blankets before mid-night last night. And this morning was greeted to a clear sky, brilliant sun-shine and… MINUS 14! “Saturday”, already. Well… ’tis left to be seen what comes of THIS day. At least no “threats” from the “business” world… one might think. But I do know better. At least the wood-stove’s going and there’s only a slight “chill” to the place. – 24.15 and I’m JUST finishing with today’s little venture: SELLING ON ADK WORDPRESS! YES! I took new photos of the jeans, gathered the old photos of the rods and reel and created a bit of a “sub-site” on the WordPress blog… catalogue for sales! AND, just posted the link to Twtr, Minds and even Ello! I started late today, not that it means anything to anybody, but I didn’t want to risk driving (on ice, on Shabbat) so, it was a day of long nap followed by bollocks and bull-shit. And now? I’ve still got to shower and need to make a bit of a wash. And so I shall do. – I almost didn’t bother with the “sales” bit today, but I’m no glad I stuck with it. – Sent a bit of a text to Mme. and got a late reply. Will reply to the reply tomorrow. Right now… I need to wind this day up! Tomorrow? A bit of shopping and/or a trip to the banque. At least today there was nothing horrid for me in the post. – I’m wound now, because of all the work on the new pages. (One of these days maybe I’ll start a new site! And learn the bull-shit of e-commerce sites? Yeah… right… at my age and at this stage of my existence. I’m SO fucked.) –

Sun.18.Feb: 1.08 Beard trimmed, moustache trimmed, teeth brushed and me showered. Clothes in the washer and a rye and ginger at bed-side and it’s incredibly warm in here (of course, the stove is going too). Thermometer reads 25 but it feels MUCH warmer. (MUST be the difference with the stove.) And time for a bit of tele whilst the wash washes. HAH! I showered at almost 1.00 and have the washer going as I type. Hopefully it will all be heard “above”. Twats. – 9.47 I did NOT want to get out of bed this morning when Mimou came a-calling at about 7.00 but at 8.00 I realised he and Hallie probably had to get out and were hungry so… – I didn’t get finished with all of the “sales” work until almost 3.00 this morning and I’m feeling the fatigue even now. But it’s another chilly morning, the frozen drizzle of the night turned to light snow and, well, the skies are till grey and I’m not in a mood to make travels. We’ll see what the rest of the day brings. – Meanwhile, I believe a tooth or filling in the upper left, rear tooth has cracked and it’s not painful but it’s causing my nose to run. Another day… just another day. – Mme. sent word: she’s off to the Siesta Keys today. I replied. And it seems she’s in contact with her “Lis” even from afar. – I should head to Bedford today, to the ATM to activate the new card. I should probably take a little run round the area to look at rentals as well. I’ve no ambition nor energy to do anything of the sort at the moment. We shall see… We shall see. – 19.01 *NEW BANQUE CARD ACTIVATED!* – Yes, at about 13.30 I headed out and to Bedford. Crossing was a snap, thankfully and the activation was a mere check of the balance, which I only gleaned and left. Over to Metro to buy FOOD and such. 4 of those Bistro Crustinis, a slab of P’tit Québec, 2 St.Hubert sauce poutine and 4 boxes of Barilla pasta (on sale!), a bottle of la Parisienne, tube of Colgate, box of Mae West, container of Liberté yoghurt (which is gone and not as good as it used to be), and a bottle of HP for the house. 43,68 off my “retirement” but a transaction on the new card. Check and OK! – The crossing back was rather un-eventful but there were 2 of the fellows (2 VT plates on the cars) and one checked the truck with flash-light but… I was off… and down the Gore Rd. and on to Walmart. – Walmart. MOUTH GUARDS AT ,97! I grabbed 5 (and got charged for only 3 at the self-check-out), 30-tin box of food for Mimou plus a large pillow and pillow cover for his little bed, Duck jerkey treats for Ms. Hallie, a toy for Mimou, 2 pillow cases for me (for the new pillows), PineSol to wash the floors here and “Adirondack” Lysol for me to spray on the rug in the room. 47,68 by the time the damage was done. And by about 16.45 I was back on the road and back to the farm to get dinner for the little ones. – I had FOUR (2 packages) of Crustinis and the container of yoghurt for “meal”. And I’ve almost melted one of the mouth guards but thankfully, I saved it and it fits VERY snug (hopefully not TOO). – The shower curtain got washed today. The pillow cases, washed. Mimou’s bedding is just on the spin. It’s been busy since I decided to get up off my arse and move along. – Tomorrow is a holiday. But maybe I’ll head down to BTV for “Goodwill” shopping and new pots and some soil for the plants. – I’m getting my shit together here… Now, hopefully more money will come in. Next soc.sec. is on the last day of this month and then? Probably screwed with the “deduction”. I know my FS have been closed by now. But I’ll just re-apply for them. – And now… on to taking a bit of an easy until 20.00 when it will be time to “stroll with the critters” and get settled for the night. It’s been and OK day… and there was sun-shine and 36F! – 21.50 No shower tonight. Teeth are brushed and the clench-guard is in. I’m just going to put my jammies on and get into bed. No “beverage”. No “tele”. I’d like to get up refreshed in the morning and ready to hit the road for old BTV and get that shopping done (pots and soil primarily). It would be a delight if I could find a flannel for the old sleeping bag too. Meanwhile… I’m exhausted! Even took the critters out for a stroll tonight. – And I received a photo from Mme. on Siesta beach. She’s looking quite sweet. The vacation is doing her quite a bit of good. (Maybe one day I’ll be able to do one of those… vacations… permanent though.) – Well… jammies time and lights out.

Mon.19.Feb: 8.38 and the “morning routine” is complete… save the second coffee. Mimou ensured my awakening at about 7.00 and, well, yes, I did get a full night of sleep, less the moments of having to wake for a pee. And the “grind guard” worked very well, indeed and didn’t pull my front teeth out (as is my major concern). The skies are blue, the sun is brilliant and a message from Mme. who is off to Disney this morning (back at 9pm). Tah-dah. – There’s dried vomit on the living-room rug that I noticed last night. The kitchen has a foul odour. And I’m plotting my escape to BTV at some point today. And it’s a “holiday”… “Presidents’ Day”. Oh well. We shall see what this day holds… when, at last, it’s over and done. – 12.24 CLEANING DONE, BOTTLES SORTED AND PACKED, HOOVERING DONE, WASHING OF “STUFF” (not mine) DONE, MOST OF WHICH WAS DONE BY 11.30!!! AND NOW? I’M OFF TO THE SHOWER AND… TO *MY* ERRANDS DU JOUR! – SUNNY DAY OUT THERE TOO. – 21.49 AND IN BED, SHOWERED AND I MADE MY TRIPS! BOTH GOODWILLS, WALMART (total fuck-up waste of time in there) and a HOME DEPOT, and BED, BATH & BEYOND! OH YEAH! And my “treasures”? Goodwill S.BTV: 3 little clear glass plates for under my beverages in the room, a “rocks glass” that has “Hudson River Yacht Races” etched on it, AND… believe it or not, a great pair of “play boots” that actually FIT… marked 15,00 but rang at 7,50! The boots are “cowboy” with some lacing down the side, but considering they fit me, with socks, they MUST have been some kind of biker’s boots. (Shame they don’t have that “truly broken-in” essence, but they’re FINE! An for the price? Perfect!). Next stop was A shot at Goodwill, Williston which has moved and I almost didn’t get to it but there it was (after I asked, around the corner. There? 3 glasses, one rather large (probably more a vase but), another regular, nice water glass and one “smoked” glass etched with “J” on it! And, a pair of 3,5 readers! And I was off to Walmart where, after wandering all over the fucking place for entirely too fucking long, I just left the trolly in the aisle and headed to Home Depot. I was rather pissed. But at Home Depot, I FOUND THE NEW POT FOR THE ORANGE TREE SO THAT I CAN PUT THE GRAPEFRUIT IN ITS POT AND I LARGE BAG OF POTTING SOIL! Leave it to Home Depot! And I was off to Bed Bath & Beyond where I spent entirely too much time but came out with TWO soap dishes (1 for soap and the other for the mouth-guard), new tooth-brushes, razors. My shopping errand was COMPLETE… I’d left at about 13.00 and FINALLY (after a quick stop at the Fuklin General for 4 Teas and crisps) got back into the house at 19.00!!! What a day! – Had the 4 Crustinis for “meal” and am now settling in after a rye and ginger (tomorrow’s trip: bottle returns and BOOZE), with a Tea and crisps. Quite the day… tomorrow’s supposed to be rain… but warm. – 22.00 on the nose and the Fucktwats are fucking about out-side my window! I’m seriously going to have to figure something out about them for the duration of m incarceration here. The shits have GOT to GO! (Shame I couldn’t just toss them and rent the place out to somebody else… for more money. Oh well… there’s a “listing” to be appearing on Craigstlist… teehee.) – OK. Now for a bit of tele. “Cats Countdown” I hope. –

Tue.20.Feb: 7.31 Up shortly (VERY shortly) after the7.00 alarm to the calls of Mimou. Pee, breakfast for the critters, dressed, recyclables out and either I’m feeling last night’s “debauchery” (a strong rye and ginger and two Teas) or… it’s just another morning. But it’s 40F already, grey and rather wet. The perfect day to simply go back to bed… or not. – It was rough getting to sleep last night (round about mid-night). Leg and foot cramps! Terrible. From all the travels of the day? Or… just another night. Can’t be certain. Well, this time, when I re-apply for FS I’ll add the “health care” as well. – As for the rest of this day? Well, there’s the empties to be brought back, the booze to replace, plants to pot, the glasses bought yesterday to be washed (they’ve been soaking in javel-water over-night), and then there’s the kitchen floor to be washed. And… the new boots. I’d really like to simply go back to sleep, truth be told. We (again) shall see. – 22.20 Showered, shaved, in bed at last! And after a day of doing not much more than napping, I DID get the plants re-potted this evening! Made pasta with poutine sauce and P’tit Québec cheese. But honestly, I didn’t do much else at all. Drizzly most of the day so… Oh yes, reclyclables went out and I got the mail (nothing at all for me… thankfully). But I’m not complaining. I just have to remember to check for flats… and why 2 domains aren’t pointing to the blogs. – But for now? Tea and tele and hopefully a full night’s good and restful sleep!

Wed.21.Feb: 8.44 and 15°! Blue skies. Brilliant (yet still “Winter”) sun-shine. The snows have gone (again)… save the piles in the yard. And the “morning routine”, including the hauling of the garbage, is done. Twitter tossed over 1000 of my “followers” some-how and another day commences. Time to go back to bed to avoid further “thinking”. – But by tomorrow, we’ll be back to Minus 2. February isn’t over yet. – 20.34 In from evening stroll with the critters and my stomach, since “meal”, has been churning and gurggling! “Banquet, fried chicken” which was DISGUSTING, especially at 7-plus dollars for 4 fucking pieces and it was dry, and mostly bones! Fuck! (And 71,00 left on FS… that’s a “done thing” anyway at this point.) – And so, it was about 13.00 when I just gathered all the empties, tossed them into the truck and headed out onto the road in the drizzle. The temperature was a delightful 60F though and I headed directly to the Beverage Centre on Lake St. where the returns came to something like 6,00. Jacquie’s came to 3,60 and I’d put that aside for her anyway. Then, into the store for 2×1,75l Smirnoff for me and a 750ml CC to replace all that I’d taken from the 1,75l of Jacquie’s. (Luckily, after almost re-filling the 1,75, there’s more left for me in the bottle. Shame though, that I don’t really like rye these days, but I’ll not be choosey.) Oh, and a little joke: There’d been a box of the small Teas on the porch for the longest while and when I went to empty it into the bag with the empties I found one can… FULL. So now I’ve 1 large and 1 mall Tea, in addition to the vodka and rye. How charming. OK? OK… across Lake Street to the Mobil where I got gas at a penny cheaper than the cheapest else-where. 30 almost re-filled the tank. Luckily, I’ve no place else to drive to now. (And now, the soc.sec. card is done to just above 100$. Let’s see how much/little I get on the 28th… fuckers.) – Up the road to Hannafords for 5 coffees, 5 tonics, the afore-mentioned chicken (bull-shit), butter, rolls, ice cream for me (Hannaford’s own) and ice cream to replace Jacquie’s (Gifford’s, of course). (I’ll “owe” nobody!) A bag of crisps for evening (only 2, probably), franks for Hallie (surely), a bit of minced beef for burgers for me and a bottle of V8 (for the “veggies” and for another plant-water bottle, to be sure). THAT was 76,77$ leaving 71,95 for me… forever. And back into the truck and back to the farm at almost 16.00! THERE! Done! Errands and the rest. Now to be able to “settle” for a while until Mme.’s return in 1,5 weeks. – I had such a craving for good, fatty, fried chicken and thought Banquet would be good. Nope. DISGUSTING! But I ate it and relaxed a bit after. Ah, but when my “nap” was done my stomach began churning in earnest and I was off to the LOO! I should have gone for a “cash back” and a KFC! One of these days, perhaps. – I still have to find a flat and oddly, last night I spied a nice 2-BR… in exchange for building maintenance… in Saranac! I’ll ponder. I still prefer Rouses Point or Champlain. I KNOW there WILL be something in either of those places. But imagine… i exchange for… THAT’S what I’d been looking for! There it is… now that I’d prefer a place all my own. I’ll have to look seriously at Bedford. But it occurred to me: I risk being stopped going into Bedford for some reason and if that happens… I’ll lose EVERYTHING! So I have to re-think that strategy. There’s a way, I’m sure. I just have to seriously ponder it all. (And to think of that Libfuk Boyle, bopping back and forth. Well? That could well be stopped, if I were of a mind.) – And a little message from Mme. who will be going out to dinner with a co-worker who happens to be in Florida too. Nice… to have the opportunity to run away like that. But it’s doing her good and my good will come when I leave this place… dead or alive. – Hopefully I’ll have the energy to take a nice little shower before bed and tomorrow? I’ll make the pillow cover for Minou or something. – The transplants of last night seem to be OK. Here’s putting hope and heart into the grapefruit. – And there’s the day.

Thu.22.Feb: 8.58 (Date-line: 222) and ALL “morning routines” are complete. Now to wait for the phone to start ringing… in the house and perhaps, for me (since I “missed” a call from Brattelboro yesterday… some-how… I don’t really care). And the sky is the normal grey, the temperatures have returned to single-digits and all’s back to the usual. – I don’t recall where/how I banged my right thumb but it must have hurt during the night because I recall a dream-bit about having trouble picking something up because of it. This morning, it’s a bit swollen. Oh well… If I wake one morning with-out any pain, I’ll know, for certain, I died the night before. – On with the day. – 20.47 Just in from evening walk and am getting ready to SHOWER! It was a rather productive sort of day, taken mostly by creating the pillow case for Mimou’s bed. And.. IT’S DONE! Yes, indeed, and looking quite nice, I must say. 2 layers thick (meaning stitching through 4 layers of fabric) and quite perfectly fitting. Last night he laid on the pillow quite nicely. Now, “HIS” old sheet is now his BED, on a nice, new pillow, with a fresh case. I had to wonder: will he take this little room when I’ve left here? I see no reason why he shouldn’t, other than it’ll never be cleaned once I’m gone. But I honestly can’t let that stop me from going. – AND… I put TWO applications of coconut oil on the “Goodwill” boots and WOW! They look as if they’ve been seldom used! It made a remarkable difference, so I tried it on the “Bender Barn” gloves too and… THEY look almost practically new! That stuff is amazing… that coconut oil. So now I’m using it to treat tooth-aches, dry skin and dry leather! Is there no end to its purposes? AND to think, one can cook with it as well (perhaps I should cook the 2 pieces of shit-chicken in it tomorrow). – And so, that took most of the day today. Not that I’m in any particular rush. – Somebody from “Brattelboro” tried calling me again today. The fucking phone won’t put the call through and when I tried to call it back (990 exchange), both “Voice” and “Skype” simply cut off. So? I’ve no idea who it is, but a look-up has it registered as a “cell phone”. I wonder… Hopefully not anything of any particular importance… but they leave no message so… fuck it, fuck them, fuck all… 802. – A message from Mme. “How is the wood holding out? I should call for more next week. Hopefully there is more to be had.” Me? Wood? I’ve got the place nice and warm, since I’ve set the thermostat to a steady 70F. Even now it’s nice and warm in the little room and rather comfy in the rest of the house. So… Wood? Yeah? Call for more? Who’s going to stack that shit for you? (Although, stacking it might be my “in” for “disability”… I’ll ponder that. The taking it (me) for granted shit pisses me off enough to make me pull a muscle or bone.) I’m not replying tonight. Too tired and not in the mood. – So now… time for a shower, have to wash my jeans because I got a bit of coconut oil on them (and I see that I have to put this desk-top Journal on-line… page 9 here… maybe tomorrow). Then a bit of tele, probably finish “my” rye with and hopefully a night of sleep! Tomorrow’s Friday… This week went by quickly. Only one more left. It would be a delight if I could get a place before Saturday next.

Fri. 23.Feb: 8.27 Had a rye and ginger with dinner last evening, then another and a half with evening “tele” and yes, this morning, I’m being advised that it was “too much”. Didn’t hear the 7.00 alarm, but heard, indeed, the SLAM-BANGING of what-ever it was that that Twats were engaged in some time round that 7.00 hour! Then, just before 8.00, Mimou came along to inform me that the day had commenced and it was time for me to join in. I SO wanted to simply sleep-in for a bit longer but it wasn’t to be. And so, here I sit, dressed, morning routine all but done (loo time now). – Saw an interview with Dawn French last evening. She’s just recently turned 60yrs. It struck me: 2 years younger than I. And she’s lost weight, gone through some rather tough places in her life-time, but has a beautiful little home. And she said something that struck me last night and again this morning: She’s at a point in her life where she’s come to the reality that SHE makes her-self “happy” because the world won’t do it for her… or something to that effect. And I’m thinking: I really should do something to do the same for me. Not, mind, that I’m “happy” about all of this here, but, given alternatives to consider, the situation could, in fact and indeed, be a LOT worse. So, I’ll have to ponder it. – I’m still pre-occupied with the income aspect. But I’ll have to handle that. – Meanwhile? The boots and gloves are AMAZING this morning, after the application of the coconut oil yesterday! The gloves are like “new” and too, the boots. I did something quite “right” yesterday. Let’s see if I can’t continue along that venue today. – LOO TIME! – 9.37 Loo done. A wash is in. The critters are out in the yard and me? Posting almost a month’s-worth of entries to catch-up. – Got a text message from Dorothy as I was on the loo. Surgery on the 6th. Donna’s birthday on the 9th. “Wanted to say hi and I love you. Have a good day.” Haven’t heard from her in months. I have to wonder: Dennis cut me off so I can’t telephone him. She doesn’t keep in touch very often. Can’t help but think they’re both in touch with “siblings” (particularly one) and have been “poisoned”, much as I should think nice Sarah has been. (Of note: No mention of me in any of the obits of the “relatives”.) Yeah, well, for the longest, I’d gotten my-self to think of me as being “the end of the line”… If I should die before I wake… nobody would notice. Good for them, I suppose. Better for me. When we’ve died, we’re dead. There’s nothing more to any of this existence. Some need to have a “reason” for being. Fact is: there is no “reason”… we just “be” and then we don’t. – I’ve got a floor to wash now and other things to ponder and figure. Sometimes when we reach in the darkness, there’s nothing to grab hold of… like being caught in a large, ocean wave: others stand on the beach, watching… and there’s actually nothing they can do… not that they would if there was. – 14.30 WELL! The wood in the garage got re-stacked. The wood stack in the kitchen is full. The wood-stove is set and ready for a match. The garage is swept ever-so nicely and clean. The kitchen floor is quick-mopped. I put foil on the plant dishes to get rid of the tray that was under some of them and they’re all in order at THE window. AND… I’ve gotten the mail in and sorted. Yes… as expected “Your benefits will expire on the 28th of this month. (5 days) You will need to re-apply after that date.” As expected. No big deal. And STILL NO WORD on the claim for all the “due” dollars on that “Dept. of Ed.” bull-shit. Ah yes, they’re ever-so quick to cut somebody off but when it comes to meeting THEIR responsibilities? FUCK THE WORLD. No prob. As I say, expected. – Still… the place is in more order than it’s been in a while and though it needs a bit more… I’m rather impressed because I had NO intention of doing ANY of this shit today. – Cloudy. Starting to drizzle. At least the future holds temperatures above freezing. – A thought as I worked with the fire-wood: She wants to know how the wood situation is. I’ll take photos and send… so that others MIGHT see how WELL this place is maintained. And, of course, since she’s adjusted to temperatures in the 80sF… I’ve NO doubt she’ll “need” the fire in the stove when she returns… GOD FORBID she should turn the thermostat up. (I’ve had it set at 70F and it’s been “fine”… and the radiator in this room has been set and half and “low”, pretty much maintaining temperatures in the lower-mid 20s.) – Well… at least there’s been SOME accomplishments of the day. And now? For a bit of something to “eat”… rolls and butter. – 22.28 Showered in BAT OREN, ALL clothes and bed linens are clean (Gain), dishes done and put up. The house is still. The winds of earlier have settled into breezes. It’s not “cold” out there tonight. Rather nice. If only I had the energy and legs to walk. Alas. And so, ’tis Shabbat. And the last week of calm begins. I’d replied to a place in Champlain today. 2nd floor. Wedged between the Northway and Main. Asked to see the place during the coming week. Not fond of the idea being so close to the Northway, maybe too much noise? But it wouldn’t hurt to have a look. And if possible, I shall. Perhaps I’ll have a look at it on my own. Just to see the house and location and check the noise. Champlain. A “border town”. NY. We shall see. – The situations with FS and soc.sec. linger in my mind at all times. Well? I never expected to actually “get” anything. It’s not how my “life” runs. And so… it shall be until my “life” runs out. – Now? Tele. No snax tonight though. I didn’t get any. But I’m having a v-ton. That’s very nice, indeed. We take the little blessings as they come. – Oh… got in touch with GoDaddy (Francis) this evening. ADK Champlain is fine. It’s been the Chrome browser fucking up. Figures. But at least I know it’s working… now, if only to sell-off those jeans, rods and that reel! –

Sat.24.Feb: AAAaaaaand it’s 8.30… “morning routine” is done… including morning smoke. Why? Because at about 7.00 I heard the “morning call”… MerOW! MerOW! MerOw. But I managed to get a bit more time of “snooze” in until it couldn’t be tolerated any longer. And so, the day commences. I’m even dressed… and wanting to simply return to the land of thoughts, dreams and what-ever. – Feeling a bit on the “run-down” this morning. But the thermometer reads about 40F, skies are grey, a breeze is blowing o’er the soaked earth, and yes, the Twats are up and about. Another day in … KRISTE! I want to get away from this. It’s nice (not) to wake on a morning and thoughts of the Shelter fill the mind. And the fact that, since I’ve come here, somebody else can trot off to Italy, Florida, Maine, Connecticut, and the likes. Yeah? And I can’t help but add the accusations of “You verbally abuse me.” Yeah? I TRY to HELP you, with your fucking computer-work and you fuck me off. Seriously? Oh well… I have to learn to grab the immediate moment. “Life doesn’t make you happy. YOU have to make you happy.” Must commit that to memory. – And so… on we go, into yet another day. Tah-fucking-dah. – 13.24 and up from a 2-hour “nap”. And why not? THEN, I got the notion to try pan-fried biscuits with a mixture of waffle mix, Bisquick and flour. Rather thick, but they did the trick. Hunger is gone and my stomach weighs-in at about 100lbs. on it’s own. But the hunger is gone… and the fatigue is still with me anyway. Oh well… it’s Shabbat and a day of doing nothing. And so it is. – I still have to get that blue sticker for the Subaru. Even though my thoughts are either: invest in repairs then sell or just have it towed and get 50 bucks for it. Oh, the finances. What was once a something to look forward to has become another albatross round the neck. Oh well. – Got the Goodwil boots on. They need a bit more attention (and so does Nick, as it were). – And the critters are out in the yard. It’s still grey, damp, cool, but hanging at about 40F. – OH! And that 600-dollar house for rent? Got a reply from that… it’s in WISCONSIN! So much for THAT bull-shit du jour. – 18.01 Dinner done and it was HORRID! 2 of the left-over “biscuits” soaked the FAT from the minced beef I’d gotten last trip to Hannaford’s, add the left-over pasta from last night and it was… HORRIDLY FAT! But, it was something to eat, I suppose. – But the great GREAT NEWS: JAKesslerDesign is now a WP blog and eventually will be the source for the JAKesslerDesigns.com! Yes! It’s a done deal. What I’ll do with it after this is anybody’s guess, but if I could get into site-building again, that would be a delight! We shall see. – But right now, the sun is setting, the critters and I have had dinner and I’m off to designing the new blog… or… more likely… RE-designing it, as I’m wont to do. Always something. – Nothing for dessert this evening and no snax for tonight. But right now, I can neither afford to get nor to care. Harsher days are to come… again. – I can’t care. – 23.38 Showered and in the bed. All day it’s felt as if there’s something on my left eye and nothing I do gets rid of it. Like a bit of film or something. Fucking annoying. And earlier this evening, I went to take a photo of the critters in the room and by way of the flash I noticed there are “things” flying about the room! I took a couple of videos, lights off, using the flash and every here and there something flew by the lens! This house is a fucking joke! And NOT funny! Now, with this shit in my eyes… I have to wonder WTAF is happening here! – Message from Mme. this evening and I “mentioned” that the critters came into the room because things got “lively” up-stairs. (True, that, too.) She comes back with “What’s wrong with them?” and that they told her they’re buying a house in “Burkshire” (not “Berkshire”?). Yeah, well, what-ever. At least now it’s rather quiet. And I’ve a rye and water to finish the bottle I’d bought to replace what I’d drunk of Mme.s. Not much, but enough to say I’ll have a drink. – And now for a bit of tele and hopefully some fucking sleep. – Started on the “Design” WP blog this evening. Will have to work on a “theme” and such tomorrow. Ah… tomorrow. Fuck me.

Sun.25.Feb: 8.59 and all the morning routine is complete, though I’m sure the critters would tell differently. But the fact remains, it is, in fact, complete. And there’s a bit of “flocons” falling from the grey, but not bitter-cold sky, expected to turn to rain which is expected to continue through the day until later this after-noon. Alas. Oh well. Who gives a fuck? Not I. And so, after another morning of rude awakening by the bellowing of the Mimou… another day commences. BFD. – Sunday… another “Putrid Hollow Sundaaaaaay… eh.” – 22.04 and another day is done and gone down the drain in the shower. – “Meal” was a burger and 3 of those “biscuits”… no dessert and no snax for tonight. But it’s not like I “need” the calories or anything. – And no words from Mme. all day. Imagine that. – The day? Rain with a bit of flocons then a bit more rain and as the day drew to and end, a bit of sun-shine as it headed down, o’er New York. – Me? I spent the day working on the “Design” blog and this evening, it’s now running on the “Designs.com”! WooHOO! Next? Get the business… advertise. – At 20.00 we all went out for a stroll and Dickie Cooper yelled over in the darkness. I waved and went about the stroll. I’ve no reason to get involved in chit-chat. He’s got “his girl-friend” to keep in touch with… even from Florida. – I’ve been ever so tired most of the day. Took another hour nap. But then again, no matter what time I get to sleep at night, I MUST be awake by 7.00 and out of bed by 8.00 so the nap is earned. But seriously, I don’t mind. Especially since tonight, Hallie got SOOOOO kissy-lovey! And she and Mimou played with me on the living-room floor. They’re the sweetest little gems. I can’t help but wonder what’s to become of them when I’m gone (may THAT happen this week). – Well now, it’s time for a v-ton (san snax) and some tele and hopefully a night of sleep! – It’s comforting to know that the sites are up and running. (ADK is still slow though and I can’t figure out why.) – The count-down to the return of chaos commences. Honestly, I don’t know why she causes me such grief and stress. There really isn’t any cause or need. All I need do is avoid “deep” discussion. Still… – Oh… and as for that bull-shit about the Twats moving? IF there’s any truth to it, it’s nice to know that nothing was mentioned to me about it. Why the fuck should I be told? Eh? After all… I’m the one who was threatened with bodily injury. And yet, I doubt there’s any truth to it at all. After all… Mme. is a known liar… especially when it comes to affairs that concern her Twats. – Moving along… it’s time to get to ending this day.

Mon.26.Feb: 8.09 Morning routine is complete, the critters are in the yard on this 1°, clear-sky morning. And me? Feeling the effects of not enough to eat and 2 v-tons with chocolate-raisins before bed last night. “Doom” is about as good as I can describe it. Not looking all the worse for it, but just “shaky” and a bit like “Oh, just go back to bed!”. But I’m mobile… for all the good it does. And on the agenda? Not sure. Not really “sure” of much this morning. Let’s hope this all passes. – Monday… a business day. I wonder what kind of little horrors await during this day. I wonder… No doubt, I’ll be informed as the clock ticks on. – 23.43 Watching “AbFab”, 2nd episode. Bradshaw introduced me to this show… and just now… the reality… he too… dead. WHY AM I STILL ALIVE? FUCK FUCK FUCK ME!

Tue.27.Feb: 8.23 Sunshine. Blue skies. PLEASE GO AWAY. The critters are fed, coffee and smoke. And I, as usual, want to go back to bed. And this morning, yet again, feeling “ick”. Well, of course. Yesterday’s “food” in-take was 2 rolls, toasted, with butter and molasses and the 2 pieces of nasty “Banquet” chicken. 2 v-tons before “sleep”. And a day of no description to write of. I worked for HOURS on the “blue inspection” sticker… HOURS… only to find that there isn’t enough blue ink in the printer! Printed 4 of them… all but useless. And the dimensions on them are off. Oh well. Now I need to get ink for the printer. I wonder why I should even bother. The choices are clear, when it comes to the vehicle: Spend the money on repairs or spend on a new vehicle. I just can’t seem to choose. Oh well. And I repeatedly tell myself that my “mood” is purely MY choice. Things COULD, most certainly, be a LOT worse. There really isn’t a MAJOR pressure to run like Hell (yet). But over all thoughts: The past… and the moment when, at the last moment possible, I’ll be in a situation where I’ll be forced out of here… in a hurry. But I DID find a little complex of apartments, in Rouses Point, along a street not far from where Pfizer used to be. What a fucking shame, that, Pfizer being gone. Could have been potential income, and the flats not far from it. But they’re “complex”… advertised as “quiet”, but the street doesn’t look all that “quiet”. Anyway, it’s good to know that there ARE places. Now, another decision: NY or QC. Imagine? I’ve a choice and the choice makes me crazed. Yep… that’s me. Nutso if no choices. Nutso with. – Well? – And my teeth are bothering me this morning too. Can’t imagine why. There isn’t anything IN them. But there’s something that “feels” like a cracked filling in the upper left. I probably should have a look at it, but “knowing” and “thinking” are very different and I’m not set properly for the “knowing” at this point. – OK. So it’s another day… Let’s find something to fill and occupy it. – Bugger-fuck me. – Bradshaw, Zur, dead. And the rest? No clue where they are or whether they’d even want to speak with me. And Dennis… I wonder what the actual fuck I did to piss HIM off so much (other than that one night inn Newburgh when he said he wanted to “move to NY” and “we could live together” and I said I had no intention of going back. Yeah… like Ren who could do so much better in The City… and then ate me out of house and home and partied all Hell to bits.) – Good morning heart-ache, here we go again. – 22.31 Garbage is ready to go to the curb. The litter box is cleaned and fresh. I accomplished another day of absolutely nothing. And now I’m showered with a v-ton… which is almost all “V” and precious little “ton”. – Surprise to me! I went to the store to replace the crisps for Mme. and get me some ice creams and heavy cream and a small bag of crisps for myself for tonight. (Oh… I thought perhaps the Twats had gotten rid of the dog… having seen Mr. Twat cleaning the shit from out-side the window but I just hear the stomping on the stairs. Oh well.) I thought there was about 71$ on the FS but when I checked the receipt after, there was 100 on it! Seems they took the 1,49$ cash back (of course they did) and put 42 in food on! I’m not complaining. Still… it’s the last for a while. And the 42 is probably all I’ll get when I re-apply. Oh well. Life… if it doesn’t fuck me it means I’ve died. (I wonder what kind of fucking I’ll get after death.) – And so anyway, with the sounds of stomping on the wall, the dog running up and down the stairs, it’s time to retire. Hallie and Mimou are on the living-room floor. There’s a breeze blowing… almost sort of warm. And tomorrow, I just might take the truck to NY… to check on a place in Champlain and one in Rouses Point. Neither are “exciting” but it’ll give me some idea as to what I might expect. If I could find a place, even if I don’t move right in, I’ll feel much better and probably be able to think clearly again. It’s this place that pulls me down.

Wed.28.Feb: (Soc.Sec. day. Transfer day. Garbage day. And I MUST start to get this dump together. And then? Perhaps a trip to NY!) – 9.59 RUDE awakening AGAIN this morning at about 6.30! That CAT! So he got shoo’ed out and the door got closed but by that time, I was wheezing with annoyance and decided to get up with the 7.00 alarm. Fuck me! Head-ache (probably too much v-ton last night) and generally feeling like shit! BUT… up, critters out, breakfast served, pee, let critters in, HIT THE INTERNET FOR TODAY’S FINANCIALS! YES! The full amount of soc.sec. was posted AND IT WAS RUNNING!!! Transfer the 1k to Wells, get onto OFX and purchase. THEN came the general usual bull-shit of having to take screen-caps and PDFs and such to send to OFX! Honestly! This government bull-shit is a fucking annoyance! But, it’s all well because, since I’m dealing with a foreign office, it PROVES how totally bull-shit this fucking country actually is! WELL!!! In the midst of the finances, the garbage went to the curb. Back into the house and back to the finances of the morning and believe it or not… I’M ONLY JUST COMPLETING THE BULL-SHIT NONSENSE! *BUT… TODAY THE USD HIT A SPIKE AND THE TIMING WAS PERFECT! THE CONVERSION WAS A BIT HIGHER THAN USUAL! ABOUT 40CAD HIGHER! So, now it’s back to considering the move to Bedford. At this rate, I’d probably be better off going to MTL! And next month, even with the cut in income, I could still, effectively garner 1028CAD each month. I’ll HAVE to MUST seriously consider! – And whilst on-line on the e-mail, a fucking phone-call comes in… from 718-530number! I checked the “voice” account and there’s a LIST of such calls! The exchange has become common! But I have NO idea WHO these calls are! When I’ve nothing left to do, I’ll have to check. – And a message from Mme. sent at about 22.00 last night listing all the “I did this.” and “I did that.” and “the cat this” and “the dog that” and “I can’t believe that at this time next week I’ll be at work.” You know what, darlin’? FUCK YOU REALLY! Trips to Maine, Connecticut, Florida… I don’t give a shit about what you believe is tedious whilst on your “holiday jaunts”. – Anydoo… time to get to a routine of some kind. I thought I’d travel to NY today but it seems there’s to be rains all day. Oh well… there’s shit I want to get done here anyway. – For some strange reason, this room smells of some sort of acrid odour this morning. Burns my nose, quite honestly. Don’t know what it is but I’m not going to spend time pondering… there are little chores I want to accomplish. (And I have to say that it’s nice knowing that there’s 2C in the card again… SHOPPING! HAH! FUCK! Gas in the fucking truck!) – 14.49 From 11.30 to 13.30 THE HOUSE GOT CLEANED!!! The kitchen counters, the kitchen floor… swept, Hoovered, mopped, the living-room floor, even behind the “Royal Recliner”… swept, Hoovered and the rug got Hoovered and damp-mopped. I brought in some of the cedar from the yard, put it into the “starter box”, because, well, no doubt, Mme. will go for the stove on her return. And the stove is still set for a “one-match” start. Hallie’s blanket and the one from the “Royal Recliner” got washed. – All this after this morning’s TRANSFER to CIBC, which took an small ETERNITY, between the transfer and all the graphics and e-mailings that had to be done. THOSE took almost 3 hours! But it’s done. – The skies are grey. The temperatures are warm enough to keep the doors open. But I’m not going on any travels today. Perhaps (I hope), tomorrow. – So now, there’s just over 2C on the card. 49c on account. I’m just up from a doze on the recliner, and tea water is on the fire. The house other-wise… calm. And I’m rather tired. Of course… I cleaned whilst listening to “the 60s” and boogied about until it was done. It doesn’t take much to exhaust. – Mimou is weighed. 14,5lbs, up a half from 7 days ago. I watch, more because of urine retention, but for other concerns as well. Just what I “do”. – 21.39 All showered and v-ton (I know… I wasn’t going to…but I’ve done) poured and ready for smoke before bed. – Message and photo from Mme. but I’m not going to reply right now. Time for a smoke and sleep. – Tomorrow is Purim! Ah… the memory of Margot… and being locked out of the flat most of the night after I’d gone to help with the decorating. Yeah… Memories. FUCK EVERYBODY! OK? JUST FUCK EVERYBODY! – OH… AND NOTICE FROM FS: YEP… RE-VALIDATED UNTIL AUGUST… AT FORTY-FUCKING-TWO-FUCKING-DOLLARS A MONTH! YEP… FUCK FUCK THE WORLD! – Tomorrow? I’m off to NY… Rouses Point to see the “community” and Champlain to see 2 houses. FUCK IT ALL!