Thu.01.AUGUST! 7.15 It's AUGUST! HERE WE GO! ANOTHER YEAR PASSED! JEEZUS KRISTE! 64 FUCKING YEARS! HOW, IN THE NAME OF SCHITZENFUX DID THAT HAPPEN? I'M COMMENCING THE 65TH YEAR! And I can't help but remember how Liz, some 16 years ago, looked at me, quite seriously, and said “I'm still amazed you're still here.” Well? To be quite honest, SO AM I! BUT... It's also TWO (2) WEEKS of being here, in a quirky little town, with a quirky little name, tucked-away in a little valley in the Adirondack Mountains, a pick-up truck, paid for, registered in my name, still quite legally registred, inspected, and insured, parked in the back of the little house, on Rte. 9, AND ALL MY EXPENSES ARE PAID TO-DATE and the best I can hope for is that THIS is the way it's going to be from now on. It's taken 64 years to get what some people refer to as a ”LIFE”. “Can you fight the urge to run, for another day. You make make it further, if you learn to stay. You can dance in a hurricane. But only if you're standing in the eye.” - I got up, on my own (to pee, of course), at 6.32. Got up, pee'ed, and decided to stay up. Why? Still not sure, but here I sit, at the kitchen table, dressed. The skillet got a wipe and put back into the oven at 300°F for a while, just to really BAKE the oil into the material. There WAS a seam on the drop cloth I got yesterday, in the middle, so I cut it down, in half. One half will give me a table cloth, the other half can be used for curtains (or something). 10 bucks and I've a table cloth and a bit of fabric over. OK. Not too bad. And I'm having morning coffee... pressed, not instant, and 3 full bricks and a small one of more coffee in the fridge. Just in from a quick smoke as well. - Sunny morning. Quite cool out there. (I still need to focus on heating this place. Radiators? Tuesday the “new oil company”, “Avery”, will be here to assess the place for propane and oil.) Dew on just about everything. - Last night I noticed that the old “hotel” across the road was dark again. All the cars that have been parked in the yard for the past 2 weeks or so, are gone. Oddly, the folks across the road are away as well. I over-heard the fellow say that they were heading for “Mexico” or “New Mexico”. Not sure if they're gone on holidays or away for the Winter. At any rate, the “hamlet” is, for all intents and purposes, Joan, Alvin, Vivian, the folks on the “Lakota Rd.”, and, perhaps, a couple of folks on Simonds Hill and the Bishop Rd. Of course, there are more in New Russia, but in the immediate area... we're all there is. “Life In A Northern Town”. Indeed. “If you're going to The North Country fair, where the wind plays heavy on the border-line...” August... melancholy. HEY! Tomorrow, Dorothy turns 68. When considered with any sort of sanity, neither of us should be here these days... “Sanity”... what a fuck. - Anyway, the working folks are rolling along the road out-side. The sun is coming up. And I'm looking at ANOTHER fucking trip to Plattsburgh today. Thankfully, I've enough money for gas for all of this. My only major concern: that the truck makes it there AND BACK... and NO troubles, trials, tribulations, perturbations, or any OTHER certainly un-toward events. (If all goes well enough, I can stop at Lowes... get some lumber, at the very least, make a “work table” for the blue room, maybe even get some sort of chair for there too. Bring that room closer to looking “inhabited”. Two weeks... I do suppose it really is rather amazing. - There's still the pangs of pain, thinking of Mimou and hoping that old hag is taking excellent care of him. I haven't heard word from her since the phone came in. No doubt, she's all into HER and what SHE wants. And Hallie... no drinking water in her bowl, and the cutting-back on her food. Oh, but I can't find any sort of “compassion” for the old woman. I gave it 4 years, tried to get her on her own feet, it didn't work well... But, now, instead of taking off and toddling round the country, flitting off to Florida, Washington/Oregon, Italy... and such, then coming back and whining about expenses in the house, instead of NOT listening to the advice and suggestions about checking tenants for up-stairs and charging reasonable rent that could have put her “close to comfortable” at the very least, well, she chose to brush me off (as they all did, really), go with that sense of “entitlement”, knowing SO much better than the rest of the world because “Our lives are so much more difficult that those of others because we're Vermonters.” Well, indeed, I tried. I tried. I wasn't there for eternity. And now? As Ev said: “You've spent your life doing good for others, it's time to do some good for Judah.” - Two weeks... in a little town with a quirky name, and people being kind... for a change. “Maybe this time... I'll be lucky... maybe this time he'll stay....” - Turned the oven off. It smells terrible when it's on but at least it doesn't set the smoke alarms off. Last night I noticed at least one burner doesn't heat. Oh well, 3 out of 4? Even out of 4 isn't bad. I mean, really! WHO am I going to be cooking for? And the skillet it still in as the oven cools. 300°F for about 45 minutes. Let's see how it all works out. (I've no doubt that if I don't wash, rinse AND DRY immediately, the damned thing will rust terribly, but for 10USD?) - Anyway, I have to figure when to head back to Plattsburgh, putting “things” in my “life” together... for a change. Odd... THIS time I'm taking THIS place quite seriously. But hey, I'd like to “lay me down to sleep... forever and a day”... in peace... with the dignity I was given and that was taken away, given back, taken away, given, taken... It's time for ME to TAKE the dignity... and leave it all behind... at that. - August. - 20.02 ANd I'm so damned tired but if I go to bed now... I'll be up in the middle of the night or wake tomorrow, damned tired from too much sleep. And to think, I was pondering a “beverage” before bed to celebrate the Soc.Sec. fiaso! Oh well... As it went... I believe I left at about 12.30, though it must have been earlier because I stopped at the Sunoco in Elizabethtown. I tried to use the DirExp card at the pump but it wouldn't take so I went in and told that gal. She asked how much I wanted and I told her 60. “Are you sure it'll take the 60?” she asked. I don't know... maybe make it 40.” I said. “I'll just approve you at the pump and when you're done, come back in.” she said. TRUST! HOW WONDERFUL! HOME-LIKE! So, I was thinking 60 would fill the tank from the quarter, but I put in 50, because of my not knowing exactly how much was on the card. WELL... even at 3,34 the gallon, 50 bucks filled the tank! I paid inside, chatted about how we both hate the “chip cards” now and I was on the Northway and... was in the Soc.Sec. office at 13.14. A beautiful drive North-bound, clear skies, nice temperature, and the truck rolled along nicely. Parked in the “15 Minute Only” spot and went up. Had to “take a number” and the “security guard” was so kind! I sat, with number A52 and looked... “Now Serving A 46”. I went to the security guard and said “I have to move the truck. I'm in the 15-minute spot.” “You're fine. I'm here.” I supposed she was the one who was watching the spots. “You're fine.” she repeated, so I sat and waited. It didn't take long to be called and the NICEST woman helped me and all she needed was my driver's license! When I told her that I wanted to take my deposits off the card and told her of the trouble I've been going through, she said “They can be difficult.” So I'll suppose I'm not the first nor the only one with complaints about “DirExp”. Anyway... not only did she do the direct deposit, she did the change of address AND set me up so I can deal with a lot of stuff on-line... something I've NEVER been able to do before! She was AMAZING! (I just hope it all goes as well as it was easy... but time will tell.) She said that it's all in in time for the August payment and that on the 28th, that payment will be in the account at Community! WHEW! AT LAST! By 14.16 I was back in the truck, ready to roll again. I pondered going to Lowes, but because I some-how mis-remembered my balance on the card, decided to simply head back home and so I did... AND THAT'S WHEN THE SHIT BEGAN... IT MUST HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE “CRUISE CONTROL” BECAUSE, AS I ROLLED ALONG ON THE NORTHWAY... THE FUCKING *** CHECK ENGINE *** LIGHT CAME ON AGAIN! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK ME! “AUGUST”! I'll check with Richie tomorrow and/or with the dealership in town. Hopefully it's the same shit as last time: “The O2 Sensor” and a quickie free re-set. HOPEFULLY! - Anyway, I made it into Elizabethtown and stopped at the “Boquet Liquor” store for a bottle of Smirnoff for tonight (thinking I'd have a drink before bed). 26$. Not bad. Not what I'd expected. And then a quick stop at “Family Dollar” for 2 packs smokes and a quart of milk. (The smokes were 10 each but the milk was over 3,00!) Well, “milk and cigarettes” (what a flash-back to child-hood when that was the most common cause for a trip to the store and a combination I've ALWAYS thought of as “strange”. Drove back to the house, FUCKING CHECK-FUCKING-ENGINE-FUCKING-LIGHT LIT! and made it in. Very brief chat with Joan and in the house to reconcile accounts and such. By 16.37 the reconciliations were done, I have MORE money on the DirExp card than I'd thought and so, I COULD have gone to Lowes (but probably better that I didn't because I have to make about 119$ stretch the month now). But that was rather a relief. I've set the on-line Soc.Sec. account up at LAST! And so, sat to have 2 peanut-butter-with-a-sprinkle-of-sugar sandwiches and a diluted cranberry juice. I was HUNGRY... and tired! - Shortly after, I laid down for a snooze for about 45 minutes which really throws a day off, considering the late “snack” and nap. But when I got up at about 18.00, I threw together another batch of Ramen, cheese-and-salsa, watched another “Mock The Week” and had Little Debbie's and milk after. Washed the dishes and made coffee for tomorrow morning (because I hate waiting for it... as always). - Now, I don't see Joan's car in the drive and am wondering where she is. (I can't have a smoke out front because if she gone, she'll come in that way and... well...) - It's rather strange: aside from Alvin next door and the folks diagonally across down the road... the “business district” is closed and empty. Alas. - Well, I'm annoyed about the truck but hopeful it'll be nothing much of anything. I'm EXHAUSTED... mostly because of the fighting to get the direct deposit. And... in general. And too, I must remember, getting up at 6.30 this morning... I get about 6 hours of sleep at night lately and wake on my own. That's nice though. What's even nicer is waking to SUN-SHINE in the room! - So tomorrow... if it's another low-humidity day, I'll try the mower. If it runs, I can do the lawn. If not? Oh well... I'll have to see about getting it repaired (though I can't afford any such thing until the 28th). AND... I have the paint for the loo! That's about the only “task on hand” to deal with at the moment. And, I'll have to get the stickers for the trash. I've got one full bag ready to go and another half-way. (4$ in stickers for this trip already.) Thankfully there's nothing in there that will stink/rot/or other-wise. - Time to see about a smoke and brush m'teeth and get ready for the night. - My back's a bit “tight” tonight. Stress... the fucking truck. But other-wise? It's GREAT TO BE BACK HOME... WEEK TWO! - 21.25 Out of a shower and feeling quite “clean”. And there sits, in the fridge, a bottle of vodka and a bottle of lime tonic and I'm really not so much in the mood. But, I tell my-self, it's Thursday, tomorrow is Friday and the week-end... I could have a drink then. What-ever. - Strange feeling: nobody seems to be around in town (in town... all 5 houses of it on the road). Imagine that? I'm “New Russia” at the moment. I hope Joan's OK. And I worry (of course I do) about “Little Girl”, her cat. She's so attached to Joan. It breaks my heart... Little Girl, Mimou... Hallie. I need to stop thinking of my-self as the “best” they can have of humanity, it's inappropriate and wrong. Surely, others DO take excellent care of the little creatures. I just can't help it though. - Meanwhile, I NEED to figure a drying scheme for laundry. My jammies need a washing. I wish I'd've gotten the mattress cover. (Perhaps on-line?) Oh well... there's tomorrow... if I wake up then. - For now, soc.med. I think I'm being “throttled” though. I've probably used quite a bit of service in these few, rather short days. But hey! No way of knowing my “limit” until. After all, they say they don't cut service, but they do admit to “throttling”... though they don't call it that. - I wonder if Tennie has anything more to say about her site. I should “clean it up” a bit. But, after all... I did the work, it passed the time for me, and it was free. Oh well... (It would be nice if somebody else would need one. I'll have to look about.) - 21.31 and I think I just heard a car come in the drive. Joan? I don't hear a car door... yet. Yup. I do believe she's back. That's nice. That way, should I want a smoke before turning in, I won't have to listen for cars coming up or down the 9. (I just heard her door close. She's home. Good news... especially for “Little Girl”. - On with my own evening. I'll be passed-out soon anyway. - 23.19 No “beverage”, no snax, one half-smoke... nap time.

Fri.02.Aug: 15.45 First coat of paint up on the “batroom”... It's harder than expected, anticipated, hoped, but, even with the first coat, IT'S NOT GREEN! It's “green-ISH” but it's NOT GREEN! I'm just waiting for that coat to get dry enough to put on the second coat and WOW... I'll have enough paint left in the can to do... NOTHING! I'M NOT PAINTING ANYTHING ELSE! (I've gotten SO OLD!) - And so... THIS morning, all on my own, up at 6.00 again. How WONDERFUL IS THAT? I'm getting back to the “good old days”. Pondered going back to bed after morning pee but... toddled along. - POST TODAY... A “HOUSE-WARMING” CARD FROM DOROTHY! FIRST PIECE OF PERSONAL POST... IN YEARS, NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. I DIDN'T GET PERSONALS ALL THE YEARS AT 5199 AND VERY SELDOM AT 5225. I'M “PERSONAL” AGAIN! A “PERSON”! AND FROM DOROTHY? COULDN'T BE ANY BETTER THAN THAT! - So, I waited until about 11.00 or so, when everybody left the postal orifice, and I got “busy”... sorted through all sorts of notes and the little shit in a postal tray. Got that all tidy and then... this after-noon, it was

PIONEER AND “ED” AND... THE NEW LOAN CARRIER TIME! AND WHAT AN EXPERIENCE THAT WAS, TO BE SURE AND CERTAIN. “PIONEER” TOLD ME THAT THEY NO LONGER HAVE ME ON THEIR “SYSTEM” OR THEIR RECORDS, BUT THE WONDERFUL WOMAN THERE GAVE ME THE NUMBER FOR THE DEPT. OF ED, WHICH I DREADED BUT PHONED. IMAGINE THIS: *THAT* WOMAN (Leah) GAVE ME THE NUMBER TO THE LOAN CARRIER! ACTUALLY GAVE ME PROPER INFO! SO I CAME TO LEARN. AT THE NEW CARRIER, A WONDERFUL WOMAN NAMED... *DONNA* UP-DATED THE INFO THEY HAD ON RECORD... ADDRESS WAS “145-5199”, TELEPHONE WAS THE 646 NUMBER! HOW THE HELL THEY GOT THAT, I HAVE NO IDEA. BUT I GAVE HER ALL THE UP-DATES AND SHE GAVE ME ALL THE LOW-DOWN... I OWE 3 MORE PAYMENTS OF $5, *** AND I PAID AUGUST'S PAYMENT WHILST ON THE PHONE ***, AND SHE SAID THAT, BASED ON MY SOC.SEC. I'M ENTITLED TO “ZERO PAYMENTS OVER THE NEXT 25 YEARS” !!!!! SAY DONNA, AFTER 25 YEARS, THE ENTIRE BALANCE WILL BE “FORGIVEN” AND WE LAUGHED TO THINK OF MY AGE BY THEN. SAYS SHE, SHE'D JUST SPOKEN WITH A GUY WHO'S 91! WHEN SHE TOLD HIM THE SAME THING, THEY HAD A GOOD LAUGH! BUT, ANYWAY... 3 MORE PAYMENTS AND MY LIFE WILL BE MINE, MINE, MINE! NOTHING BAD... (except what-ever might be on my credit record, which I'll have to look into later and see about cleaning THAT shit up... if I really need to). ALL SAID AND DONE TODAY... IT WAS *** INCREDIBLY FANTASTIC!!! *** (Must make an image or something for this date... and the month... and what-ever is to follow... These sorts of days are... well... almost NEVER!)

And so, as I sit, hungry, wishing more for a nap that much else, waiting for the paint to dry, I rang Dorothy to say “Happy Birthday” and “Thank You” for the card. Poor kid, her transmission went this morning! How WELL I KNOW how THAT goes... especially THIS month... and on birthdays. (Now, I wonder if I'll get to talk with her at all any time soon.) - Joan and Vivian (Alvin's wife” went for a quick spin some-where and I jumped out for a smoke. The sun is shining, there's a breeze blowing, the humidity isn't as bad as it's been of late. It's quite a lovely day, all told. Would have been a great day to work out-of-doors but... BUT... I NEED TO GET THAT LOO PAINTED A DIFFERENT COLOUR AND HOPEFULLY, THE PAINT WILL HELP KILL THE ODOUR OF PISS IN THERE (though I'm not planning on that happening). - Anyway, as I've said, this painting of the loo is a LOT more involved that I'd thought. But then again, so is much else in my life. (I thought moving here would be a LOT easier too... I'm stupid that way.) But having all this extra paint left and such, and the joy of NOT seeing a GREEN loo will make this all worth the effort. - OH YES... ALMOST FORGOT... EVEN BEFORE 11.00, I WAS OUT WITH THE LADDER, CAULKING THE OUT-SIDE OF THE BED-ROOM WINDOWS! IF I HAVE THE STAMINA, I'LL PUT A COAT OF WHITE ON THEM TOO. IN FACT, I'M OFF TO DO THAT... WHILST THE LOO DRIES. HEY!, as I told Donna... I'm “old” but still getting around and getting things done! And so, I'm off to do just that. This evening, franks for “meal”, getting this “Loan” shit closed and taken care of AND... I BET I'LL BE HAVING THAT BEVERAGE TONIGHT! - 18.57 PAINTING IS AS DONE AS I'M SATISFIED WITH AT THE MOMENT! TWO COATS, ROLLED, THREE COATS, BRUSHED FOR TRIM! IS IT COMPLETELY COVERED? NOT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED. IS IT *** NOT GREEN ***? INDEED, IT IS *** NOT GREEN ***!!! And I've Hoovered. Put 3 franks in kettle-hot water whilst Hoovering. And now, am to sit and have my franks and a dilute cranberry. I can't shower until 23.00 so??? I shall relax as much as possible until then and... FUKKTI! - 21.40 WORK IS DONE! THE LOO IS DONE! (It needs a 3rd coat but... IT'S DONE! I've even put the switch-plates back on and am waiting for the 22.30 alarm to sound, indicating that I may shower, though carefully and not very hot.) I'VE EVEN SET-UP MY ON-LINE STUDENT LOANS SITES! I NEED TO WAIT FOR THE FED TO VERIFY WITH SOC.SEC. BEFORE APPLYING FOR THE “INCOME-BASED” PLAN. BUT AT LEAST EVERYTHING IS ROLLING! IMAGINE? ALL THESE YEARS AND IT'S ALL FINALLY COMING TO A WRAP! AND I KNOW THAT AUGUST-OCTOBER SOC.SEC. WILL BE COMPLETE! I CAN BUDGET FOR “LIVING” FROM THAT! (After that... no telling at this juncture, but at least 3 months is still good... OIL!) - WHAT a day! And I DID have 3 franks for “meal”, salsa and mustard on bread (for 2). Dilute cranberry with. Little Debbie after with a cold “iced coffee” (milk and sugar). But I MUST say... IT'S GRAND TO SIT HERE, IN THIS QUIET, IN A HOOVERED PLACE, A CLEAN PLACE... IT'S ACTUALLY *** MY *** PLACE NOW... FROM CLEAN FLOORS TO THE SMELL OF CLEANERS... IT'S BEEN... MORE THAN TEN YEARS... 10 YEARS... A DECADE SINCE I'VE BEEN ABLE TO HAVE THIS! And even though there's much more to do before I “leave” in comfort, THIS makes it all worth the while. This IS “A Dream Come True”... after ALL the years... the shit... the HELL! Easy? No. Not in the least bit. But “Worth It”? At this juncture I can say... YES. (So what if I have to “sneak about” to have a smoke. Thus far... it's OK.) Just almost unbelievable. And to think: Even this “Student Loan” albatross is finally coming through... honestly! To think... 64 years... 64 bloody-fucking years... Yes, I know there's shit waiting right round the corner and Hell's gates are open, the flames are on their way. But for right now... I'm in disbelief. The student loan fiasco is taken care of, as is the rent, the electric, the gas... there are more expenses to come, but I can budget because I know how much I'll have coming AND where it will be when I need it. (MY banque account!) And I still have the CIBC account for any “extra”. So? So... - Now, with 40 minutes to go before trying a shower... IN A NOT-GREEN LOO... A DRINK IS IN ORDER... - 23.43 SHOWERED... IN A “NOT-GREEN” BATH-ROOM... IN A “NOT-GREEN” SHOWER! AND I'M FEELING “NOT-GREEN” CLEAN AND HAPPY! WHAT a difference it makes, to be in cheery colours! This morning the sun POURED into the bed-room, waking me as it rose. This evening, the sun POURED into the living-room, quietly, and brilliantly, like an old friend... Friend. SUN! LIGHT! White walls that reflect the light. White walls that reflected the ceiling light. I even shaved! Brushed my teeth. Showered. HUMAN again. And my showering items? In the loo! NOT dragged to the bed-room to be hung on hangers and the likes. Not tucked in some “shelf” on a wall. The flannel is in the shower, the towel on the rod. The toiletries, in the medicine cabinet, on the back of the toilet, in the shower! NOT in the bed-room! I'm HUMAN again! It's amazing! YEARS!!! Almost 10 YEARS!!! (I'll have to check, but keeping in mind the day I left Rockaway Blvd... that's when the clock started. Wabeeka... the Shelter... BTV and the 8 years in VT. Not even in Richford was I THIS much a “Human”. (Silas treated me like a... House-keeper/Grounds-keeper.) Never mind the months back in The City! It's just... well... the place is clean, it smells clean, it's calm, quiet, I'm here... and truth be told, I probably COULD get away with having a smoke at table (I wouldn't though... won't... no need, no sense... Joan mentioned, the day I brought the table, her stint with folks up-stairs... “body-slamming”, stomping on the floors, parties, cigarette butts out the window...) Anyway... it's AMAZING! And for all intents and purposes, yes, the “end of the line”. I'm getting my entire existence together here, from finances to reputation. (I DO believe I heard Becky refer to me as “Such a nice man.” this morning.) Who knows? MAYBE... just MAYBE... I can “go out” with the dignity I've never been afforded. “Winter will tell all.” But for now... I'm still nursing the first drink, might not even make another. Will have a smoke on the porch, a few crisps and dip... *** SHABBAT SHALOM *** yes, indeed.

Sat.03.Aug: 2.05 It's been a WONDERFUL night... two v-tons, crisps, a bit of peanut-butter on bread with. A few smokes on the front porch. The “air” is moving from the South but it's still a bit “chilled”. It's “August”... in... “The North Country”... in the Adirondacks. The glow to the house is kind, warm. The peace, the silence, the calm... it's amazing. It's comforting. And now? It's time to get to the bed and see what time I wake... alarm or on my own. The place has the fragrance of fresheners and fresh paint. It smells “clean”. It sounds “calm”. It's amazing, really. It truly is. Well? It's “Shabbat”... and time to crawl under an extra blanket for what's left of the night. No pressure. The bills are paid. There's some money for more food, and even with the “Check Engine” light, I can still get “into town” for more food. (I should try and see if my FS still work over here... the time to move them is coming all too soon as well.) But Friday was good. Saturday will be better... no matter. And the folks on “JK Minds”? Kind. Friday is “wrapped and closed”. Saturday will come with the rising of the sun... and that's wonderful. - 9.39 NO FUCKING HTO WATER AGAIN!!! - I heard the 8.00 alarm and, of course, stayed in bed until about 8.50! Hey, it's Saturday, I painted the loo and windows yesterday, and there was no particular anything I really needed to do (at 6.00). But by 8.50, I had to pee so... up, pee, awake. Meandered about a bit, listening to Jess open the PO and decided to get dressed (NICELY, because it's Satruday) AND... put on the coffee AND... put a basin of under-things in to soak because I'm running out. AH... Coffee done and ready to press, filled the basin with “hot”? water only to notice... the “hot” water is FUCKING WARM!!! WELL, because stupid here had TWO v-tons before bed, stupid here isn't feeling all too altogether this morning. But NOW, stupid here (who DIDN'T get the damned lighter stupid needs) NOW needs to crawl to the basement this morning and HOPEFULLY turn the fucking heater back on! WTAF? This is going to be a “Weekly” event? It's no wonder the last guy didn't use much gas... probably just let it blow out for the pilot until they came to re-fill the tank! FUCK ME! BUT... then again... YESTERDAY went SO splendidly. Of COURSE I have to “pay” for the joy. - So now... waiting to have my coffee and... DOWN INTO THE BASEMENT WE GO! FUCK! (At least it's another sunny, comfy day.) - 12.20 AND... I THINK I'VE RE-STARTED THE WATER HEATER!!! Ran into the FamDoll and got TWO BBQ-style lighters (just in case one didn't work) AND... a DRYING RACK (for 18$ which, well... beats having to put up with more shit about shit that isn't worth shit) and a roll of paper towels, both of which were on my “list” anyway. On the way back, stopped at a yard sale where the woman asked if I'm an “artist” because I “talk like an artist”. We had a lovely chat. There was nothing there that I needed (and I've only got 20 cash anyway) and I was back on the road. *** OH! AND WHEN I GOT INTO THE TRUCK AND STRATED IT... THE “CHECK ENGINE” LIGHT CAME ON... *** AND WENT OFF!!! *** SELF-REPAIR! THAT'S GOOD NEWS FOR THE DAY. (God forgives me for the travel, shopping and “work” today.) And so, the unders are still soaking. I'll be able to check the hot water for the rinse. And THEN... get back to it being Saturday. - NOW... since I'm still in bold font: This morning, got to “chatting” with Jess about the fucking lawn. She made a point of telling me of some neighbour who went out to his yard for something and came back in with a tick. “We're LOADED with them. That's why we keep the grass short.” Hint... JUST LIKE A FUCKING BACK-STABBING, DOUBLE-FACED “VERMONTER” THAT ONE. So I told her, calmly “When you get to know me, you'll see that I have no tolerance for ANY sort of 'drama', especially when it's created for no good reason. The whole issue of the lawn-mowing thing is that I mentioned that I could do it, Alden told me that he has somebody who does it. Then Rob tells me that Alden told him that the tenants always did it but when I came and took the place, there was no mention of tenants mowing.” “You probably told him you did and he assumed you would.” says Ms. VT. “Well, then Rob tells me that he pays to have it done and I don't want to take anybody's income.” says me. Says she “Oh, he doesn't pay all that much anyway. 20$.” Says me, “In VT, we had a guy come do and acre and a half for 20$.” just to put an issue of the cost. Well, anyway, as it rolled, I come back from my running and Jess is just leaving. Says she: *** “I JUST SPOKE WITH ALDEN AND HE SAID THAT WE'LL JUST KEEP MOWNING UNTIL THE MOWER HERE IS FIXED.” SHE CALLED ALDEN TO TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING LAWN... WHEN I WAS GONE!!! FUCKING VERMONTER... HERE... WELL, BEST I KNOW WHAT I'M DEALING WITH... INFANTILE IDIOT. THEY'RE ALL ALIKE! CAN'T FUCKING TRUST ANY OF THEM. FUCKING DRAMA-BITCHES! BUT AS I SAY: AT LEAST I KNOW WHAT I'M DEALING WITH. FUCK. I'll be keeping an eye on that one... Oh, and it came out in a chat that she's divorced or something, has 3 kids... Yup, another “Vermont Failure”. (Probably married her fucking brother or divorced her father.) Makes me sick. - And meanwhile so what-ever and... now to see if my efforts at the RE-LIGHT are successful. I grow a bit weary of this shit... Paying gas for hot water, oil for heat. But then again... the rent's cheap. It all balances some-how, and at least I'm blessed with the ability to run to the store when needed and get what I need. The bills are paid (even though I just received a bill from Spectrum for that 124,76 which I now have to check on-line and such), there's a bit of food in the house, vodka, tonic, blankets for the bed... and on we travel. - 13.35 The wash is on the rack in the shower AND I HAD TO GO BACK DOWN TO THE BASEMENT BECAUSE I DIDN'T TURN THE FUCKING HEATER TO “ON”! (HONESTLY, IT DOESN'T HAVE THAT STEP ON THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE HEATER BUT...) OH REALLY, JUST FUCK ME! AND THE REASON I WENT DOWN THERE REALLY IS BECAUSE I KEEP SMELLING PROPANE! BUT NOPE... NONE IN THE BASEMENT. MUST BE MY NOSE IS FUCKED-UP? (I HOPE.) JEEZUS KRISTE! THIS DAY IS WACK! WATER HEATER. THE “CHECK ENGINE”. VT FUKTARD CAUSING SHIT WITH NEW LANDLORD. I ONLY JUST FINISHED MORNING COFFEE. HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO SHIT. “SATURDAY”. THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR WANTING A PEACEFUL SHABBAT! - But Dorothy's been sending messages. AND HER BIRTHDAY IS ON THE 6TH! LORDY! I'M “OUT OF IT”! - I gotta pee! - 15.11 I haven't tried the hot water yet, been on the soc.med. But I NEED A NAP! Indeed. - 16.17 45-minute nap and now for some breakfast cereal because... that's what I want. (And I could nap some more, to be honest.) - Can't shake that VT-bitch. WHY do they let them cross the state line? Oh well. Let's see when Alden makes another appearance in town and what's to be said when he gets here. Hey! My rent's paid, the place is maintained. - 19.31 Just sitting here, going through and copying the “notes” from the “DayMinder 2013” and as the sun set o'er yon mountains, I just want to make a *Note To Self* on *Thoughts du Jour* from this morning:
JUST THIS VERY MORNING, WHEN I WENT TO THE POST OFFICE TO FETCH THE ONE PIECE OF POST FOR ME, I MENTIONED, IN CHATTING WITH JESS, THE ISSUE OF THE LAWN-MOWING AND HOW, FOR THESE PAST 2 WEEKS, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET “SETTLED-IN” AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, WITH CLEANING AND PAINTING. WHEN I MENTIONED PAINTING, SHE ASKED WHAT I'D PAINTED AND WHEN I TOLD HER THE LOO IS NOW WHITE NOT GREEN AND HOW I HAVE AN AVERSION TO “WATER ROOMS” BEING PAINTED GREEN, AS IN ALGAE, AND BLUE AS IN WATER, AND I SAID THAT THE COLOUR GREEN AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN ON FRIENDLY TERMS ANYWAY, SHE REPLIED WITH “ESPECIALLY A SHIT GREEN”. SO, THAT MATTER DONE AND PAST, SHE WENT INTO A TIRADE ABOUT THE SINK IN THE POST OFFICE LEAKING AND “WATER EVERY-WHERE”. BUT SHE DIDN'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT IT COMING THROUGH TO THIS SIDE OF THE WALL. OK. FINE. WE MOVED ON. THE LAWN. I SAID THAT IT'S ON MY LIST FOR TOMORROW, TO GO CHECK THE MOWER IN THE BARN, THAT I TAKE ONE DAY OF THE WEEK FOR “ME”, WHERE I DO NO WORK, JUST AS OTHERS MANAGE TO FIND A DAY TO THEMSELVES, AND THAT DAY IS SATURDAY. (SURELY, SHE KNEW WHY I CHOOSE SATURDAY, BUT NOTHING FURTHER WAS SAID ON THE MATTER. BUT NOTING: I SAID THAT I HAVE IT ON MY LIST FOR TOMORROW, TO CHECK THE MOWER.) ***** AH HAH!!! ***** WHEN I GOT BACK FROM MY RUN INTO TOWN FOR THE LIGHTER, SHE WAS JUST LEAVING THE POST OFFICE (LATE) AND WE BRIEFLY CHATTED AND THAT'S WHEN SHE SAID THAT SHE'D TALKED WITH ALDEN AND THE MATTER OF THE LAWN MOWING IS DONE AND THAT “THEY” WOULD CONTINUE DOING IT UNTIL THE MOWER WAS REPAIRED. NOBODY SAID THAT THE MOWER DOESN'T WORK! I SAID THAT I WAS GOING TO CHECK IT TOMORROW! AND *SHE BOLTED*, IN MY ABSENCE, TO PHONE ALDEN! NOW, WAS THAT TO SAVE THE 20$ INCOME “THEY” GET FOR MOWING? OR... WAS IT TO CAUSE THE DRAMA AND GRIEF THAT VERMONTERS ARE, AS I'VE LEARNT FROM 8 YEARS, QUICK TO CREATE BECAUSE THEY MUST, THEY NEED CONFLICT TO SURVIVE? WHAT IS HER PURPOSE, INTENTION? THEY'RE BACK-STABBERS, THOSE IN-BREEDS, AND I'VE NO CAUSE TO TRUST THIS ONE ANY MORE THAN I TRUST ANY OF THE OTHERS. I WONDER WHAT SHE SAID. I WONDER WHAT PROMPTED HER TO PHONE ALDEN. “PARANOID”? ME? I THINK NOT. I BASE IT ALL ON DIRECT EXPRIENCE AND I DON'T LIKE THIS SHIT ONE BIT! WELL... WE SHALL SEE HOW THIS ROLLS OUT. (I'M RATHER INTERESTED IN THE FACT THAT ALDEN HASN'T PHONED ME ABOUT THE ISSUE. BUT THEN AGAIN, THIS IS ONLY HIS BUSINESS PROPERTY, IN A HAMLET THAT, FOR SOME REASON, HE'S TAKEN A LIKING TO/FOR. “PRESITIGE”? OR GENUINE? AFTER ALL... HE'S A “NEW ENGLANDER”... A “MASS-HOLE”, AND THEY'RE REPUTED TO BE NO BETTER THAN VERMONT SHIT. WELL, NO SENSE WORRYING ABOUT IT. MY RENT IS PAID: AUGUST AND SEPTEMBER (THE “LAST MONTH'S RENT” AS IT COULD BE). I OWE HIM NOTHING. I'VE MAINTAINED THIS FLAT, THE WATER HEATER, HAVE AN APPOITMENT ABOUT THEOIL FOR THE COLD WEATHER, HAVE PAINTED THE LOO (AND IT SEEMS, THE STENCH IS GONE... FOR THE WHILE), AND CAULKED HIS WINDOWS AND “PAINTED” (TO FRESHEN ONLY) THE OLD SILL AND FRAMES. THE PLACE IS IMMACULATE. I'VE BEEN EXTREMELY QUIET, AND AFTER THE PRELIMINARY QUESTIONS, HAVE, FOR THE MOST PART, NOT BUGGED PEOPLE. (AND AS OF MONDAY MORNING, WILL BE “BUGGING” THE POST-MISTRESS EVEN LESS FROM NOW ON... I'LL WAIT UNTIL SHE'S GONE AND FETCH MY MAIL FROM THE BOX I'M PAYING FOR... ACCORDING TO “POSTAL REGULATIONS”.) AFTER ALL, IT WOULD BE NICE TO BE A BIT OF A PART OF THIS HAMLET... BUT I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT NEED “FRIENDS” TODDLING IN AND OUT, BACK AND FORTH AND I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT NEED VERMONT IN-BREEDS MEDDLING IN MY AFFAIRS... BANAL AS THEY MAY BE. - JUST NOTING... IN RED... BOLD... ITALICS... NOTING.
That “noted”, I'm having a Earl Grey and returning to my notes which are difficult, at best, to type because they're rather difficult to read! I scribbled a bit here and there and I did so ever so tiny! My eyes... the lighting... age... fatigue. (And it's hot and a touch humid in here this evening.) - 23.32 and I can't believe I'm still awake and sitting at the kitchen table! So much time watching videos of Ab Fab and all sorts of just stuff. - Had a block of Ramen earlier and with all the breakfast cereal I'd eaten earlier, I'm not hungry. But I will say: No v-ton tonight! Tonight is going to be a matter of shutting the lap-top down and going right to bed. Hopefully, right to sleep as well. No shower or anything. Just to bed. It's been a day... I can't say a “long” day, because it's just snapped right by. - I'd put the rack out on the back porch for a few hours and the clothes dried rather quickly out there. Tomorrow? Perhaps the jeans. Bed linens are going to be a bit tough, but we'll see how they work, soon enough. I have a full set of sheets that need washing before being put on the bed. (I should get an iron and board?) Anyway, it's time to think “curtains” for the windows... for the cold weather. The bed-room will need, indeed, and too, the living-room. And there's always furniture for the living-room. I'm still stuck on a futon for out there. Plain, wood, simple and something that serves a double purpose of sitting and sleeping (not, mind, that I expect anybody to be “dropping by”. Those days are done. But it would be nice to have anyway. After all... one of these days, somebody will come in, put a price tag on everything I get for here and put it all out front... another “yard sale”. It is what it is. - Tomorrow? Perhaps a bit of work on the lilies on the South side of the house... a bit of “trimming” at the end of the porch. Make for “neat”, as much as I dare. There's much I'd like to do with this place but I daren't tread on toes round here. Or... I could just say “Fukkit” and make pretty. I'm good at that. We shall see... indeed, we shall. But for now... it's time to wrap this day up. - The work on the “DayMinder” notes is coded. Now I have to integrate them into the journal page and post. Tomorrow as well... at some point. - I just hope the pilot light stays lit on the water heater! DAMNIT! - Time for snooze. Saturday night is here... Saturday is done. Shavuah tov.

Sun.04.Aug: 8.01 Slept-in again this hazy morning. But got out of bed, “nekkid” (IT'S BEEN YEARS!) before the 8.00 alarm, made tap coffee on account of because, put the kettle on and the coffee is steeping and I'm just in from a smoke. Today's agenda: I'm going to make the “flowers” along “my” windows as I would. And check the mower and if it works, either do the lawn today or tomorrow, as “pleases the court”. If I could find some place that has any sort of “flowers” for decorating the front porch, near enough, but I don't see that. (Hell! Yesterday, when chatting with the VT Biddy, she said there's nobody round who works on mowers, “small engines”. The only one who WAS here, left or something. Oh well...) But I'm of a mind to do what I've done for the past 6 years, at least: make the place look like *I* reside here. In the words of Jack Malone: “You're making everybody else in town look bad.” So be it. - Yesterday's washing is dry, save the socks. Hopefully the pilot is still on for the hot water. And when “Alden” comes rolling into town, I'll mention it to him. Or, there's Tuesday when “Jeffrey” of “Avery's” comes along and I shall make mention of it to him then. Anyway... here we go. And for future, we'll avoid the PO until we need it and let the rest roll as it will. As I've already said to 2 “good folk of New Russia”: I've no tolerance for un-necessary drama. And, as I once put up the little sign in New Prospect: Keep your perturbations on the out-side of my door. Thank you. - Other-wise, feeling a bit on the “stiff neck” side this morning. Teeth too. But, there's a day ahead, some “landscaping” to be done (which I do exceptionally well, with little-to-no-budget and I enjoy), a birthday card for Dorothy and to integrate notes into this journal. Things to occupy time. There's also a pair of jeans to be washed. (My only concern in sheets. But if I get another rod or 2 for the shower, I can put those across the top and use them for, at least, the preliminary hang-drip-dry then transfer to rack. It'll take time, but better than dealing with the locals. Yes, there are “limitations” here. But it was the same in The Bronx. So? So. - And so, here we go with a new day. - I went to bed last night, alone. I woke this morning, in the bed, alone. My bills are paid to-date, with no help from others. The little food I have here, I drove and purchased, alone. I've worked, and worked quite hard and diligently to get here today... Autonomy is the rule of the times. Amen. - Happy Sunday. Fukkit. Fukkitall. - 11.21 Joan just left and I'm off to the lilies! - 14.27 AND THE LILIES ARE AS GOOD AS THEY'RE GOING TO GET FOR NOW! DONE! FUNNY SHIT: AS I WAS SITTING THERE, RIPPING THE GRASSES OUT, HAVING BEGUN TRIMMING AT THE EDGE OF THE PORCH, ALVIN CAME ROUND THE CORNER. THE PULLED GRASSES WERE IN THE ROAD ALONG THE WAY AND HE SAYS “So, what you've pulled there is all weeds.?” I SO WANTED TO SAY “No, Fuknut, it's ORCHIDS!” BUT I REFRAINED AND CONFIRMED WITH A SIMPLE “Yup.” HONESTLY! ANDHE'S FROM NYC! THEN HE SAYS “I'm surprised Rob hasn't just hit it all with the weed-whacker.” NO... “ROB” HASN'T DONE JAKSHITFUKALL, BUT HIS LITTLE IN-BREED WIFIE IS ALL ABOUT CAUSING BULL-SHIT AND CONFLICT. BUT FUKKIT AND FUKKITALL, IT'S WEEDED, CLEANER THAN IT WAS, THE STONES ARE CLEANED AND VISIBLE, THE PORCH CORNER IS TRIMMED (WITH THE CLIPPERS). AND I CHECKED THE MOWER... THE GAS TANK IS COMPLETELY DRY!!! REALLY... COMPLETELY DRY. THE BLADES ARE RUSTED! THAT THING HASN'T BEEN USED IN A GREAT LONG WHILE. SO, MY THOUGHT IS: THE VT BIDDY IS... JUST AS “VERMONT” IS... *** FOS ***. WHAT-EVER-HIS-NAME-IS/WAS... THE “PREVIOUS TENANT” AS IT WERE “USED TO MOW. BUT THEN HE GOT SO WEAK THAT HE JUST COULDN'T ANY MORE.” FUCK YOU! HOW LONG AGO WAS ALL THIS “WEAKNESS”? SURELY NOT JUST LAST SEASON. THOSE BLADES ARE *RUSTY*. SO... ANOTHER MARK ON MISSIE'S RECORD. SHE'S NOT TO BE TRUSTED... AT ALL. Anyway and so... a bowl of cold cereal. I'm just up from a stroll to the bridge. Little “bait fish” and nothing more. Interesting... no fish, turtles, snakes... nothing. AND, I'm willing to venture a bet: exceptionally few, if any, leeches. Welcome to “Bollocksville”. There's no shit in the wind... until somebody opens their mouth. - 22.17 SHOWERED! AT LAST! And I can't believe how QUICKLY time goes from 18.00 to 22.00! I mean, it seems I've only JUST finished eating... looked (again) for sheets for the living-room windows and BANG! 21.30! WTF? But I got to brush my teeth, scrub me down in a HOT shower and hopefully the fucking pilot doesn't go out A-FUCKING-GAIN tonight! - Oh... and before I forget to mention... not only did I get the “NYC 2013” fiasco notes posted all over the Journals, there were a couple of “errors” in typing and formatting that I caught as well. So... as far as I'm able, that time period is complete. - At the moment, am having ONE... and ONLY ONE v-ton before bed, which should happen shortly after I've done my beverage. I've “things” to do tomorrow: Get the garbage stickers (I need TWO already!) and perhaps try to get out to “Fields'” to see what kind of “great bargains” he has there (and, based on the bull-shit I've already been fed about town, I'm not expecting much). MIGHT open a little account at the Ticonderoga Credit Union... perhaps use the 40$ in quarters I have here. Just to have “something local”. - OH OH OH... “Interesting Tid-bit”: the 2013 “DayMinder” is RE-USABLE THIS YEAR! Yes! I can use it again. How charming! And believe me when I say, “I AM RE-using it this year!” Funshit! Or... “SUCH FUN!” (which-ever) - And now... soc.med. and such and then off to bed. I'm just grateful for the shower. How “human”. (I'd still like to get an electric water heater, have it installed in the kitchen. But... with the “turn signals and brakes” on the truck needing repair before registration and inspection.... Things will be rolling slowly. I have to find a little “job on the side” here.

Mon.05.Aug: 0.33 Soc.med. WVNR is done. I've posted the gist of the coming “Hurricane Mountain Fire Tower” to the fellow who appears to spend a LOT of time roaming these mountains. “NewsFromNR” as it were. I've done my v-ton and 2 smokes. It's gone quite chilly out there tonight. “August in the North Country”: hot during the day, chilly at night. And now? To get to bed to a nap. The place, the road, it's all gone quiet. Wonderful. But the cost of putting oil in the tank? Just more to ponder. I can afford 100 gals. at month's end, but no more at this point. There are items I still need (like a mattress cover and a heater). Indeed, a part-time job is called-for here. - I'm still wondering when/if Alden will appear in town. I plan on being extremely busy (and hoping the truck will be running) when he's about. Ms. Biddy says he's talking of having the house “scraped and painted”. Well... what--ever. He told me he wants it “power-washed and painted”. Ah... she's a moron... he's a man of many good intentions. - Me? I'm in need of sleep... and a good day to follow. - Enough for now. - 8.26 Coffee's pressing, I'm dressed and in from a 7-drag smoke, and a pair of jeans, 2 polo shirts are in soaking, and I didn't get out of bed until 8.10. But to be honest, I'm probably functioning on about 4 hours' sleep here, this morn. Météo said it was going to go down to 10° last night AND IT DID! AT ABOUT4-SOMETHING I had to get up to pee AND PULL OUT THE AFGHAN! 2 FLANNELS, 2 CANVASSES AND THE AFGHAN! Yes, I went to bed directly at 0.33, but laid there, quite rather “chilled”. It seems my old body isn't generating the heat it used to. (How I remember Bern, sitting in her car in The Park, at The Top one night, and telling me how WONDERFUL it was to be close to me because I was like her own portable heater. I ain't “hot” no more, Dear Bern... in just about every way imaginable.) - Anyway, the laundry's “in” and I'm dressed some-what proper for the day and the day's events. It's another sunny morning too, supposedly going up into the low 20s. We shall see. Hey! At least I got hot water for my shower last night and for the soaking of the laundry this morning. There's something to be thankful for. - Agenda du jour? Get the garbage out of here, to be sure. And, the only thing I can think of that I need in the house (other than FOOD) is some thread. Silly me, toddling about here, thinking of curtains... I bought a flat sheet to make curtains for the kitchen and loo! And so I should. (Wish I had a machine to do the sewing but...) - 10.06 The “laundry” is done, having on the rack in the shower. Alvin, another fellow and the Biddy are “in session” on the front porch. And I'm having “2nd cup” (oh joy... Alvin's leaving... MAYBE I can get another bit of a smoke in at some time before the next millennium... Becky's just arrived with what-ever it is she comes round for, Joan's stirring on her porch...) and getting ready to head off into town for garbage and (maybe) Fields'. - I see now that the “landfill” isn't open until tomorrow. How inconvenient. Spiffy. And not until 14.30 at that! Even MORE inconvenient... spiffy x 2. Now I have to find the hours for the source of the stickers (I believe it to be “Town Hall” but there's not telling at this juncture). And maybe my day will be nothing... or a trip to Ticonderoga for more sheets which I see this morning, would be perfectly fine in “Twin” for the living-room windows. 6 all and done. Now, for the other windows... particularly the kitchen, where-by Biddy can (and probably does) look into the window (never mind, listening for signs of activity). Oh well... - Gee... no word from Alden about an arrival... (Sadly, I didn't get to hear any “chats” at the PO this morning though.) - OH! And Mr. ROB was here this morning... with the little (?) Wifie. Gee... didn't rush to mow the lawn... I mean, after all... “This place is LOADED with ticks! 1 in every 3 people here locally have Lymes'.” Fuktard. - Moving along now... just moving along. - 10.34 and FUCK ME! Can't get the trash stickers until SATURDAY... THE ONLY DAY! (Or the Sunoco station... for a “slight fee”.. .fuck you very much.) SO... No garbage today. No real NEED to travel. - GREAT NEWS THOUGH: FEDLOAN PAYMENT GOT POSTED TO MY A/C TODAY! NEXT 5er DUE: SEPT.! WOOHOO! GREAT NEWS! - Now... if the “folks” out front would GTAFO, that'd be nice. - 11.18 And I've FINALLY gotten to finish this morning's quick-smoke! Everybody's gone from the PO. A card from Spectrum (again) about a change in pass-word. Don't know what that's about and not really concerned. But the strangest bit about this morning: I COULD go to Ticonderoga... but I don't want to (and really can't afford all the shopping... though there's money about... but none that I should spend). Flowers for the porch, sheets for the windows... I SHOULD go into town for food, but I don't want to. Tired, but don't want to go back to bed (since I made it neatly already). THIS IS “RETIREMENT”! THIS is HORRIBLE! Oh well... at some point today, it'll be 21.00 again and I'll be in the midst of something... to be sure. But hey, I should make a Birthday card for Dorothy... I WISH I had the “work table” in that room. The sun is shining in there beautifully. And it's chilly in the house, beautifully warm out-side. Oh well... THIS is what I came here for: To wait for God. And so I shall. - 16.12 And Joan took off (to kayak, I should think), I had a nap for about 45 minutes. Have “re-cleared” the washer/dryer space, sharpened scissors (I think), and, as I believe I mentioned at some point: THE DAY HAS PASSED QUICKLY at this point. I'm still debating as to whether or not I want to go into town. I DO need SOME food-stuffs. Not “emergency” need (yet), but I SHOULD get something to eat other than Ramen (which would be fine, I suppose). I could use more smokes before tomorrow morning as well. Curtains on a window require another little “tension rod”. I'm debating. - Tried to apply for that “Income-Based” BS on-line. They tie into the taxes and of course, because I'm on Soc.Sec. it can't find me! So I have to find last year's tax forms (or find the instructions on-line and re-calc). THAT'S when I went for the nap. - Ah... well... it's looking like a trip into town. I just need to make a list. (I could use my FS... if I knew they'd been posted this month.) - 17.27 And the “trip into town” is done. Dish soap (needed), the curtain rods (needed), a tin of soup to add to the Ramen (needed), frosting for desert (not needed but needed), SMOKES (NEEDED). And it was a pleasure, as it is, to drive along the 9. I always have to, at least, smile inwardly: Route 9... Beacon... Broadway NYC. And here I am, in the 518 area code. The “circle”... left what I called “home” and went to the 518. And here, where I'm planning on ending these days they call “life”... back in the 518... on a road where, if I walk out the door and to the left... Broadway, The Bronx, Manhattan, Battery Park Ah well then. - Joan and Alvin are on the porch. My washing is drying, on the back porch on the new rack. And should the mood strike, I'll make do with the thread I have (because FamDoll didn't have WHITE, if one can so imagine), and make a curtain... or two... or not. - Time to eat something. No “beverages” tonight. “Jeffrey” from “Avery” will be here in the morning. Must be “together” for that, indeed. - Meanwhile, I have to remember: turn signals, brakes, oil change, inspection, registration... license... EXPENSES that, at this juncture, I can “ill afford”. But, as it is, as it always has been, as it always will be... in *Time*... either things will come to be settled, or they won't. My days aren't all that many anyway. “If I should die before I wake...” my soul will fucking celebrate, for the Creator's sake! Amen. - 22.42 Yep... as predicted: CURTAINS ON THE KITCHEN AND LOO WINDOWS! Torn, not hemmed, but UP! AND, as predicted, the “mood” hit at about 21.00! Drag around the place all day long and when the sun goes down and it's time to UN-wind... BANG...! Time to get busy! Well, as it turned out, not only did that one 5$ sheet from Walmarde do BOTH windows, there's a “panel” left that could easily do a DOOR as well! What amazes is that there wasn't a stitch to be sewn tonight! Yes, there are hems that SHOULD be put it, to “finish” the torn ends, but BOTH windows are done, rods and all, and I'm rather pleased at this juncture with what I've got... PRIVACY! And a some-what “I live here” appearances (at quick glance). The place is becoming “homey”. Now... if only for some furnishings in the living-room. BUT... no rush just now. AND, the dryer rack is in the kitchen, in that little “washer/dryer nook”. The jeans are still rather “wet in the seat”, but the shirts are about ready to be folded! If it weren't for “postage and handling” on a mattress cover on-line, I'd get one of those, get an extra rod to cross the shower, wash the new bed-sheets and... A BED! But truth be told, the way it is now, with the sleeping bag as a “mattress cover”... it works. And when the bed is made, it appears quite fine, indeed. So there's no rush, no NEED, no desire at this point in time. We are pleased. And we are having a cup of hot “licorice” tea before heading for the bed tonight. Ah... “Accomplishments du jour”. (And we're just in from a smoke on the porch. Lights on in the “rooming house” across the way tonight and a truck parked on the yard. So New Russia isn't vacant. And the folks across the road appear to have returned as well. New Russia, accounted for. Next big adventure will be to put drapes and half curtains on the living-room windows. In due course, to be sure.) - So, with the tea, a little soc.med. and... hopefully another night of sleep ahead... and no waking in the cold. Just now, it's comfortable in here. But it's still early. - I'll have to check the furnace eventually. No doubt, we'll do that tomorrow. Gee... I wonder who pays the “seasonal maintenance” on that. (As if I don't already know... it'll be me... of course. Not MY boiler/furnace but... Hey... 500$/month rent? What can one expect?) - The other concern is the 70$ that I have to carry me through the next 4 weeks. There's 40$ in quarters, and I'm seriously considering putting those into “usable” funds in the “small” local account... tomorrow. We shall see how that turns out... tomorrow night. - For now... “wind-down” time... behind closed curtains. Goodness me! - 24.14 Last smoke. Last pee. Off to bed.

Tue.06.Aug: *** DOROTHY 1951 *** 6.47 WELL! Only yesterday I woke thinking “I used to get up at 4.30 every morning, and though there's no reason to be up at 4.30 any more, Oma used to wake at 6.00 and that's really not such a bad hour.” and this morning? I was up and out of bed at 6.08, kettle on, sorting through the “white” washing that needed to be done and now... I'm at table, done with first coffee, in from a quick smoke and a basin full of white wash soaking, including 2 white shirts of Cecil's that I “acquired”. And asking myself “Why do I need a white shirt any more? Where am I going that I'll ever need a white shirt?” - Météo says it's 15° out there at the moment, up to 29 and “orages” this afternoon. Charming. It's not “cold”, not really “chilly” but a bit on the “cool” side at the moment. But I'm feeling a touch “clammy”. All that frosting before bed last night, I've little doubt. - Teeth are a bit “bothersome” this morning. Last night I noticed that my gums are receding over the front caps. That's not promising. Oh well. - And so, on the “agenda” for this morning, as I await the arrival of “Jeffrey”, BUDGET TIME! - 7.47 and at the sound of the 8.00 alarm in the bed-room (in the BED-ROOM, imagine that)... the wash is on the rack, the rack is in the shower, the basins are back in order, time for second coffee following a 5-drag smoke to finish the cigarette I started earlier. (THAT shit bugs me a bit: paying rent on a place where I feel I have to “sneak” a smoke... and on the front porch. Chances are, everybody's aware that I smoke. I just don't trust the little VT Biddy. Seriously, that one... another “Q”... and a “VT Q” at that.) It appears that my “life”, as it once was, is slowly returning. - I'm feeling ever-so shitty this morning. Too much fat and sugar last night. I DO know better but... - Anyway... on with the rest of this day... as it is, as it shall be. (Truth is, I could go back to bed... but... not today... I have “an appointment.” Image... I have “an appointment”. - 8.47 AND AVERY'S BEEN HERE, CHECKED THE PLACE AND GONE! (And oddly... the 2 guys who came are from... FUCKING VERMONT! THERE'S NO ESCAPING THIS SHIT! BUT... they were both personable and nice and all, and it appears that I'm now an “Avery” customer... for the oil at least. The tank capacity: 275gals. and they “fill” at 250. So I can get 100 gals. at the end of the month (though they will come for 50... at a higher cost per gal. of course). Anyway, Jeffrey says that 30gal. propane tank is usually connected to a cooking stove. So the usage shouldn't be all that much for hot water. We shall see. Anyway, it appears that it was good for me to be up and about at 6.00. I couldn't believe it when they drove in at just after 8.00! But... the world is “normal” here, everything starts at or extremely shortly after sun-rise. - And now, meanwhile, the Biddy's in the Post Office already, yammering away as if she's the only thing breathing in the region. (And I JUST managed to slip in a half-smoke before she rolled in.) So-well... time to get to “things”. I'd started a “budget” sheet as I sat on the bowl for the second time this morning. IT'S GOING TO BE TIGHT... especially these next couple of months. But... once the initial expenses (the truck reg. repairs, inspection, insurance) are done, “life” will settle and roll. - OH! Received a “message” from Mme. already this morning as well. The photo she sent last evening is of Mimou, sitting on the arm of the “Royal Recliner”. There's a white cupboard in the back-ground... it's the TV cabinet! Silly me. Anyway, she says she keeps him in “when I & Hallie are away” (note: “I” before Hallie... grammar and narcissism) and “little Jordan” takes care of the little ones when she's gone. She has “orientation” for the new “Home Care” agency “next Wednesday & Friday”. Good for her. A little work on the side. (I'm betting it's because she's too fucking lazy to deal with the chomage AND that she can't get anybody to DO the work she needs done to get it. But that's none of my business at this juncture.) - All said, thus far, feeling better about things (gas, oil) and glad to have this preliminary work completed. Further agenda? At some point I'll head into town, open a little account at the Credit Union (if all goes well) and spread the money all around the damned world. The “bad” news du matin is that transferring money from Community to here costs 1,99! Or, I'll see what I can manipulate. Still, the “good” news is that it can be done. DirDep to Comm and from there? Who knows? - Now, to dodge the head-aches of all for a bit. I could/should put hems in the “curtains”, I suppose. I'm just too tired at the moment. Half through the second coffee... Maybe a “nap”? Now that the Biddy's in and Joan's up and about and the world has commenced movement (even the traffic on the 9 is increased... people going to ... where-ever it is they go to at this hour of a day). But yes, I AM tired. - 9.10 I'm off to nap. My bowels are in a constant attempt to “cleanse” and I'm exhausted. - 14.34 Peanut-butter sammich, tea is steeping, AND THE TICONDEROGA SPREAD-SHEETS ARE COMPLETE! ALVIN CAME INTO THE BANQUE WHILST I WAS THERE AND THEN I'D GONE TO AUBOCHONS AND KINNEY AND AS I WAS GOING INTO TOPS... ALVIN IN THE PARKING LOT! *THIS* IS THE SMALLEST PLACE I'VE EVER RESIDED! But right now, I want a quick-smoke! - 14.41 Quick-smoke done. Now... On to other things and then to up-date and catch-up (and I want another nap, this morning's was shit!) - 15.13 On-line with New Account. (Now, for a bit of a nap!) - 17.40 and another day suddenly strats to draw to a close. - Had an hour's snooze and woke from that at about 16.35 to put “meal” on... er... in. Franks in a bowl of boiled water, 3 franks on 3 slices of bread, a glass of V8 and some... frosting... but not much, with an episode of “Have I Got News For You”. Well, that ended at 17.17 and the dishes got done. And just now, I've put first coat of “Matte” enamel (that's what I get for not wearing glasses whilst shopping) on the “Post-Private” signs. Whilst that dries on the front porch, a couple of “items” of the day... As said, “Jeffrey” and another fellow showed up before 8.00 and we went about the “inspection” that they'd come to do. I didn't know they were here only for that. I didn't know that anything on the matter of becoming a customer had been settled but apparently the only thing necessary to do so was to have Jeffrey inspect the boiler. And so, the 3 of us went down in to the basement where Jeffrey inspected the tank, confirmed a “275gal” capacity, a need for a 50gal propane tank and the confirmation that one could, indeed, be placed in the back where the 30 is currently. Tanks inspected, they were off and so was I, wanting a nap... and so, at about 9.30-ish, I laid down to take one JUST as the town arrived to gather at the PO AND the idiot from the USPS arrived to install the new boxes AND move the old. Charming! Chit-chatter and drilling and the likes. The “nap” never did happen because I laid there, more than half awake for the duration of an hour or so. Well... at about 11.00, the Biddy wrapped-up, the USPS idiot wrapped-up and all the little Hooz in Hoozville went about their merry business else-where. I finished the morning's coffee and... So... not sure what time it was when I left here, but it must have been going for noon-ish and drove into town to the Credit Union, with 4 rolls of quarters in the little bag. Why I need ANOTHER banque account is anybody's guess, but I suppose it's rather like Alden put it: “A local presence... in case I need to cash a cheque or something.” The folks there were quite wonderful, friendly, courteous. I spoke with a woman, I'd say, in her later 30s, maybe early 40s, who was a complete delight. (She lives in NR too... though up by Lincoln Pond. Another one who prefers the association with NR over LP. I still can't figure why, but, apparently, to hear tell, I've got one of the most prestigious locations: the Post Office is, by matter of technicality, NR and my house number and such IS the Post Office... right down to the “9998”. That said, we chatted about the accounts (one can't have a “chequing” with-out a “savings” so 10 went to savings and 30 to chequing. We chatted about current states of affairs, no trust, disrespect, the draw-backs of “chipped debit cards” and I got “Shannon” laughing a few times with my “humour”. And as I sat in the little office, I noticed Alvin strolling in. I commented “I've not been here 3 weeks yet and already I'm in town and I see my neighbour.” Alvin popped his head over and said to Shannon “I'd keep my eye on that one if I were you.” (Sadly, I don't know, for certain, if that was a joke or... but then, after 8 years of “You're making everybody else look bad”...) And so, time rolled on and I rolled out... with a new local account and a debit card. (And I keep thinking back to the NEFCU simply telling me they “couldn't” give me a debit card... Of course, that was what? Almost 7 years ago? What-ever. The new account is established and so am I, it would appear. - Up the road to Aubuchons for a can of clear spray and a browse and as I've already said, the shit's “matte”, not gloss, but it's clear and that's all that matters to me anyway. Back into the truck and to Tops parking lot where Kinney's pharmacy is accessible. AND... as I get out of the truck to walk into Kinneys... ALVIN AGAIN, coming out of Tops or some-where (he had no bags with). I commented “I feel I'm being followed.” “It's just a little security measure we have to take.” said he in reply. (Again... “You're making everybody else look bad.” It's going to take some time to get over that shit.) And he got into his car and drove off... I headed to Kinneys and...so in there, I got the white thread for the curtain hems and a bottle of vit.C which I don't need immediately but, it's good to ward off UTIs and it might help with the teeth as well. I had the funds, I was in the store, I got it and went to Tops for bread, peanut-butter, crisps (because), Hebrew National franks (because EVERYTHING in this place is based on PORK), a bottle of V8 and butter. Just something so I can say I have something to eat in the house. (I'm sorry about it all though... I'm down to about 30-something to my name on that card and not much other than the 30 in the new account as well. It's going to get a bit tough through the rest of the month. I see a lot of “sleeping” to come along.) Anyway... that was that and back to the “home” I rolled. In, un-pack, as I've jotted, peanut-butter sandwich, and... back to bed for another nap. (See? “Snoozing”.) - And so, now, at 18.09, there's been quite the storms just South of here today. We've been just North of the edge of the clouds but we got the breezes and the rolling thunders. No rain. Last I checked, we should get that tonight.... probably as I sleep... IF I sleep at all. (I'm NOT going to start hemming at 21.00 though. I can swear to that!) A bit of rain would be nice though. Just so long as it doesn't bring any colder nights just yet. (I told Jeffrey I'd call for 100 gals of oil at the end of the month. HOW? I've NO idea. It's going to be an EXTREMELY MEAGRE SEPTEMBER!) And as for the propane, we agreed to use up what I have (because we know I won't get reimbursed for any of it). And so, the days s is left at that. - Meanwhile now, I've put another application of “enamel” on the signs. I'll put one more on and call it “done”. I'm NOT going to use it ALL on those signs. Not that I can think of anything else I need it for... just now. But... And I'm waiting for the traffic to wind-down a bit. I finished 2 half-cigs but I'd like (very much) to have at least MOST of one, soon. (I can hear Joan in there, next door. She's been unusually noisy of late. OR... as I think of it, doors and windows are open and that's something she didn't do during all the heat so I'm just being overly sensitive. - OH! A message from Dorothy, thanking me for the Birthday wishes I'd sent this morning. She's 68 today. We're supposed to talk at some time tomorrow. I feel the shit, not having made a birthday card for her (but now I can... and I can “seal” it with my new enamel! Hey! Something to do! I just wish I had a “work table”). - And I hit the moment where I have to make the effort to keep eyes open. NO NAPS! Too late in the day! Must to be amused... One more coat on the signs. - 23.58 Soc.Med. JK Minds and two small v-tons (“small”). Time to hit the bed. Would like a shower but no energy and can't be bothered. - Repaired the little wood sign. It'll be ready in the morning... or... I'll tie them to the post. Nothing “permanent”. But for now... time for a “nap”. - Aubuchon had a “hiring” sign out today. But the only jobs I see are in Tupper Lake... 60mi. away. Too far at the moment. Oh well. Tomorrow... JOB SEARCHES! Fro tonight... nap.

We.06.Aug: 8.15 AND PAINFUL this morning. Head, teeth, neck... can't really figure it. Stress? Or just the absence of it? I woke at about 5-something, quite rested but my head felt as if it were about to explode all over the pillow, so I just went back to sleep(ish). Heard the 8.00 alarm and laid there trying to decide whether or not it was worth getting out of bed for until I had to pee. So, once up for that, it was up for all. Have had a tap coffee, vit.C and naproxen. Let's see how that handles the rest. Quite congested this morning as well. Funny, it's all been quite good these past couple of weeks. I'm “paying” for the privilege today. Oh well. Now to try and figure what to do with the little signs. Can't be stapling them at this hour anyway, but I was going to “tie” them to the porch post and decided against because there's rumour that the place is to be painted (though, no telling “when”). So having them back up on the wall seems best. And then... for the day, there's windows to be cleaned (the kitchen is filthy, as is the loo), and there appears to be some sort of something happening with the toilet. Things are beginning to show their shit round here. So? So... another day. And Dorothy said we'd talk today. I left it at: send word when it's convenient for you. I don't see that happening. Meanwhile, it's hazy, warm, humid and there were threats of all sorts of “orages” for today. We shall see how it rolls... when the rolling's done. Indeed. - I hear Ms. Joan stirring. And I've had 3 drags of a cigarette this morning. The pain and illness... I don't want to be bothered with a smoke. (That's delightful.) - 12.58 Signs are done and back up on the front wall... Chatted with the Biddy this morning and all “appears” to be “well”, what-ever. Helped Joan fertilise her beans and potatoes and we chatted today too! Very nice, indeed. And the windows (kitchen and loo) are washed and clean. All is “at peace”. AND... THIS HOUSE IS QUITE LOADED WITH MONARCHS! COCOONS, CATERPILLARS, ALL READY TO EAT AND TAKE FLIGHT! IT'S AMAZING! - And now... peanut-butter sandwiches. This morning's “hang-over” state is passed and I'm “keeping busy”. - Oh, and apparently I've made points with Joan with my hummie feeder (she says we can work the logistics of getting food for the birds come Winter... she too, is on Soc.Sec.) and being impressed by the Monarchs. So... apparently, the morning went quite well, indeed. - Lunch time! - 16.28 Well? I made “the run into town” for the one curtain rod I needed for the shower, so now I can wash that set of bed sheets when the mood strikes, AND got a pack of smokes AND got TWO packs of rolling papers! (What a lark, that I “saved” all that “re-smoke” tobacco.) On the way back, thinking of how much money I haven't got for the next 3 weeks and having to some “re-smokes”, I couldn't help but think: It's going to be extremely tough for a while, but then again, it was tough going into the Shelter... never mind, it was tough those months leading up to going into the Shelter. The MAJOR difference THIS time is that here, I have TWO “bed-rooms”, a kitchen, living-room and a little loo! And... AND, as we used to say in the Shelter: I have a door-key! There's a roof over-head, 4 walls round and a floor below, and windows to let in the light and keep out the elements. Indeed... it's going to be tough, but sooner or later, just as it's always been, it will get tougher and there will be times when it will be a breeze. All things settle in time... - Oddly, the chat with Joan today brought pretty much the same notions. She told me that she has a “DNR” and a “DNI” (Do Not Intubate). She told me that. Quite the thing to tell some-one. And we both agreed that at this point in our lives, we roll with things until we don't have to roll any more. Poor thing: she's had BOTH lungs collapse, and that's why she's on O2. And this all happened with-in the past 4-5 years. So it's no wonder she's having a time of “adjusting” to it all. It helps me understand the situation a bit better. And just this morning, the thought (in the delirium of my head-ache and such): Joan's not well, Alvin is quite on in age... Alden too, for that matter; I am, relatively speaking, the “young and feisty” (if only I could be “feisty”) in town here. Joan could go at any time (which would leave me in a panic, wondering what Alden might rent to), as could Alvin. I'm beginning to learn what life must have been like for Mother... When she'd first arrived in Boca, letters were “new friends”... and as time passed, the letters included the “new friend” who'd “died”. We get to “that age”... or we're blessed with “early departure”. No matter... we roll until. - And too, I checked the FS card. 37$ and change on it! Almost worth the trip to Lake Placid and Hannaford's! And today's little “shopping spree” added a fiver to the 5s, bringing them up to 25 (or 30, if I count the “basement 5”). Gas to get to and from Lake Placid. Quarters are up to 4,75 and with the dimes and, there's an easy 5 more. 30-35 in “5s”. Things aren't perfect, nor are they even close, but it's a HELL of a LOT MORE than I've managed on at other, worse times. There's just enough to cover the Skype phone this month and the rest won't be due until September. If the truck holds... I say no more. - For now, something to pass the time until “meal” and then? This evening will slide into night and I'll be back in bed. Nothing of importance on the agenda tomorrow. Nothing that can be done, nothing that MUST be done. “Filling time”... filling time. - 22.57 WELL! THAT TOOK ALMOST 3 HOURS! BUT, THERE'S A *HEMMED* PANNEL ON THE FRONT DOOR TONIGHT! And tomorrow, no more shade over the sun-light (if there is any... it actually RAINED tonight, for a while, anyway). But I DID IT! HEMMED! And sadly, all the while, though I listened to the French music on the iPod, all I kept thinking was “HE'S DOING COUTURE WORK! AND THEY'RE NOT PAYING FOR THAT!” (Martin) And the reply (Schmulik): “THAT'S ALL HE KNOWS HOW TO DO AND MAYBE IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR YOU AND EVERYBODY IF YOU'D START OFFERING QUALITY WORK.” I got SHIT because I sewed TOO DAMNED WELL! (The sofa cushions for 'Lady Gaga's manager'. Fuck!) ALWAYS... the damned work's *TOO GOOD*! “You make the rest of us look bad.” No. YOU make your-self look “bad”. - WOAH!!! 23.00 ON THE NOSE AND IT JUST STARTED POURING DOWN WITH RAIN! I just came in from a re-smoke and it was just wet out there. But I can HEAR the rain pounding... and it sounds BEAUTIFUL... with “Sur le Bord du Lac” accompanying. - Anyway, so much for a shower again tonight. But, I don't really NEED one anyway. It would be nice, but it's not necessary. - Now, if only I had the funds for the extra sheets, I could do the rest of the living-room windows. At least the place would appear “inhabited'. But in time. For now? A bit of soc.med. and then off to bed... HOPEFULLY to sleep. I had a licorice tea whilst I sewed. NO “BEVERAGES” tonight. I want to see how the morning after is tomorrow. Honestly, I don't understand why 2 light drinks before bed can raise such pain. Maybe it's my kidneys? There's no telling what damage was done with that infection. Oh well... Dats life. - 23.54 Just running through and posting the photos of the Monarchs (Jess brought a cupful of caterpillars to add to the ones already round the house today) to the WVNR Minds channel and WOW! HOT FLASH! CRAMPS! SWEATING! DIZZY! NAUSEA! AGAIN! THIS HASN'T HAPPENED IN A WHILE! And all I had was a few crisps! OUT OF NO-WHERE! BANG! And to think, this is what got me to go to hospital and have that CT scan in the first place... and nobody could find any cause. Ah well... at least I'm back in NY... in the Adirondacks... I'm ready to “go” now. - And the clock approaches mid-night... another day gone, another day commences. The rains have stopped. (And just as I typed that... they've started again... I hope they last through the night.)

Thu.08.Aug (3 weeks): 0.18 One more smoke, brush teeth, off to bed! - 7.48 and the 8.00 alarm just sounded. But I've been up and dressed from since about 7.35, the plants are out in the yard in the rain, I've had the coffee I'd made last night, and a half smoke. Feeling “OK”. Not “well”, but “OK”. Better than yesterday. I'll guess it's the vodka. Can't have vodka no more. Hmpf. But the one really GREAT thing is: sleeping through the night. That's quite the 'Gift”. Anyway, it's not a “laundry day” by any means. (But I could use a shower.) And there's nothing on the “agenda” for today. So? So... we roll with another one. - Funny little notation: There was some kind of “rack” in the yard, across the road, from since the “Yard Sale/E-town” day that I'd looked at seriously only yesterday to put in the front window, a couple of boards or something across the spaces that probably should have had glass shelves, and plants there-upon. Ah HAH! I considered it, after all this time and sure enough, yesterday, some guy came along in a pick-up and... picked it up. Some days I have to wonder... about me... my thoughts... how life moves. Oh well. - Anyway, let's see how this day passes. There are curtains that could use a hemming. There are curtains that can't be hemmed because, well, they've been “cut” just short enough as they are. A card for Dorothy? Telephone calls? Things. Stuff. “Time-passers”. Ah... “retirement”. Fuck. - Good morning. - BUT TODAY IS 3 WEEKS SINCE I ARRIVED! Three weeks... and it's beginning to seem like 3 months (at times, and at times, 3 days). The calendar is moving along. Nice for the “time”, not so nice when I think: THE TRUCK NEEDS TO BE REPAIRED! Oh... there's always that “something”. But time will pass and so too... all of this. Alas. - 11.01 Well THERE'S a way to pass the day... At about 9.00-ish, as Jess was opening the PO, I went for a “quick lie-down” AND... JUST WOKE UP! It wasn't really and actual “sleep”, because my mind drifted in and out of those “strange” thoughts one has before sleep and I was aware of it all. But... TWO HOURS? I wonder WHAT and WHY. Oh well... In the meantime, the sky's cleared, the sun's brilliant and Jess is slamming the doors on the boxes out there. Imagine, falling asleep for TWO HOURS again. - And a little message from Dorothy: Call at 1 if you're free. - Oh well OK o-my. - 17.32 Ramen, butter, cheese... and a swallow of V8. - By 16.50, ROD-HEMS ON THE “CURTAINS” IN THE BED-ROOM! IMAGINE THAT! And all because of the last message from Dorothy: Ok I'm going to be 100 percent honest. I am in a horrible mood today. Thought it would go away but nope. Can we do it tomorrow. When I can have a better outlook. No one needs to be subjected to my black mood. Love you. What else could I say but “Don't sweat the little stuff. I know how those days are.... &c.” Done. So I sat, took out the grey thread, needle, took the “curtains” down, put on the music, sat at the kitchen table and stitched. It passed the day. It was something that was actually rather necessary. It was “productive”. And so the day went. - NOW FOR THE GREATEST NEWS: A NOTE FROM COMMUNITY!!! THEY'VE CONFIRMED DIRECT DEPOSIT OF SOC.SEC.! NO MORE OF THAT BULL-SHIT CARD AT LAST! THANK YOU PLATTSBURGH! SO I RANG THE BANQUE (MOSTLY TO CONFIRM BECAUSE IT'S ALMOST UNBELIEVEABLE AND MORE IMPORTANT: WHEN WILL FUNDS BE AVAILABLE?) TO SAY “THANK YOU” FOR THE CONFIRMATION. GOT INTO A CHAT. “HOW'S THE WEATHER WHERE YOU ARE?” SAID THE KIND YOUNG LADY. I DIDN'T HAVE TO GIVE AN ACCOUNT NUMBER... JUST MY NAME AND SHE KNEW ME! SO WE CHATTED FOR A BIT. CONFIRMED THAT FUNDS ARE POSTED AT 6.00 ON THE DAY AND ARE IMMEDIATELY AVAILABLE (SO I CAN PAY RENT ON THE DAY!) NO MORE WONDERING WHERE THE BLOODY MONEY WILL END UP! OH! THE RELIEF! - And so, I went back to sewing until just a little while ago. I also got my “filing” together again. Always good to be in order. - I think my next BIG adventure will be a “DNR” and a statement about beneficiary and the likes. I had to state one at the Credit Union. Of course: Dennis. I'd like to get some sort of “box” together to be sent/given to him. Computer, phones, thumb drives, stuff like that, that he can use and I'd just like him to have... until he dies and somebody comes along to throw it all in the trash. Or... not. I don't know. - Anyway, my Ramen is “cooking” in the bowl beside me at table. Joan's in after being gone most of the after-noon. The sun came through, the heat and humidity came too. And now, another day is done. (Truth is, I could still put hems in the kitchen and loo curtains... but we shall see how that all works out.) - Food shopping is coming to be a “need”. I'll HAVE to get me to Hannafords! Here we go... over the mountains! We shall see... we shall. - Time for “dinner” and then? I don't know, don't care. But there'll be a shower tonight, before bed... yoobethcha! - 21.49 SHOWERED! Or should I put it as: SHOWERED so that I can start the count-down to NO HOT WATER in a day or so? I FEEL WONDERFUL! (But jammies need a washing. I'll have to dig up the subs for these now. Not that I'm sleeping in them lately. The past few nights it's been back to the “old” days of nothing on but the blankets, and it's been WONDERFUL!) Anyway, YES, it feels SO much better to be clean again. And I'm having a licorice tea (wondering if the licorice isn't causing the light-headedness, since licorice is a blood thinner, used to be in my cigarettes to increase nicotine absorption, and it's allegedly good for respiratory.... but the blood thinning bit and BP and such... well, I'll find out tomorrow.) - And so, the other news du jour is that Tumblr is about to commence deleting “un-savoury” blogs, as it were. AND I managed to get 8 gigs of my original blog off and to me. So now I've got MORE images to sort through (which is something I thought I'd get to when I got here but still haven't). But Winter is coming... it'll be something to do whilst locked in one room with a radiator as the rest of the place goes a bit “cold”... no doubt. - Which is another point I was pondering earlier but won't get into tonight because it's not good to do before sleep: the “budgeting” for heating. The good news is that, for at lest the next 2-3 months, the “payments” on that albatross will be 5$. And I'll do ALL I can to keep it from EVER going back up to the 15%! (I have to find a little job some-where close enough by. But, even as Joan said the other day “There NO place NEAR to do ANY shopping.” and that's the truth. - Things will settle... and I'll adjust... again. After all: this isn't a Homeless Shelter, and there aren't any “Nicoles in the night” nor the worry of being beaten in the head with a pad-lock, nor is there the whining and the worrying about the little ones, the lawn, the drive, garbage out-side the window, having to make certain I don't tread on toes and some complete psychotic shit-bag in-breed calling names, throwing things on the lawn or the worrying that, as I sleep, the truck will be keyed. I ain't got no furniture and I ain't got a whole lot of money, but... I'm sleeping through the night, waking with the sun-rise. And one must always remember: This is the “final leg” of a long journey. “Check-out” comes when I'm ready... on my terms. And thus is the word of the night. - Tummy's a touch “off” at the moment. Can't figure why, unless it's the contortions in the shower (or the stress of that strange noise coming from the cellar when I'd done with my shower). What-ever. The day is done, and it was, for all intent and purpose, a good one. - No messages tonight, no photos. That too, is a relief. I don't want her getting into the habit of sending and such. Though, on Tuesday, she sent that photo of the little bear and heart with “I Love You” on it. I don't understand, other than that she might have had a wine too many and, well, perhaps she's finally coming to realise “you don't know what you've got til it's gone”. I can't be bollocksed or arsed at this juncture. I'm “home”... to die... and she's living the life I merely postponed for her. The only “demand” I put on Creation is that the little ones, BOTH of them, are perfectly well cared for and about. (And if Creation can't arrange that, well, chalk it up to the late reality of my own child-hood and how, all these years, I defended that woman... who ran with her children, as I was being beaten.) - Time to move on here. It's late and there's no sense hashing through shit before going to bed after a really nice day of word from Community, Soc.Sec. to be directly deposited in a lovely little banque, curtains are hemmed... shit's good.

Fri.09.Aug: (I DO believe it would be Oma's Birthday today...) 0.06 Well... soc.med. is done and I've had a peanut-butter sandwich. Will just finish the tea, try a smoke, brush the teeth and off to bed! - 0.16 In from a whole smoke. (I'll regret that soon enough.) But I had to notice that the air is so still tonight that a cloud of smoke hung at the Southern end of the porch! I hope nobody notices such things. But then again, most folks have already seen me out there with a cigarette and nothing's been said. And I've mentioned it to Jess so I'm SURE it's gotten to Mass. by now anyway. Oh well. One of these days we'll find out. - My tummy's a bit off tonight. Gas pains. Can't figure why. I haven't eaten anything “new”. Ramen and peanut-butter. This needs to stop soon. - Oh well. Another day closes and another day opens and it's time to get under the covers. Why? Not sure. It's not as if I can't snooze during the day when needed now. - Found a little photo of Mimou from Arpil, 2018 when I caught him napping on Mme.'s bed, under her pillow and the blanket. Sweet little man. Posted it to Minds. Will have to send her a copy... as a reminder. Though I most seriously doubt it will have any impact. He SO loves his people. I wonder if he wonders where I am. No truck in the yard, nobody in the room, nobody to 'nuggle. I have to stop thinking about it. It does no good. - Meanwhile, this fridge is driving me quite mad. It runs so often and I don't open it much at all. Fucking thing's going to cost me a fortune in electric! I don't understand: Landlords who provide appliances should provide top of the line. Like the comment made about the furnace by “Jeffrey”: “That's an old one!” If tenants can't afford to run the damned things AND pay the rent, it makes no sense. Better to have efficient appliances so rent can be paid AND the place can be properly maintained. Then again the up-stairs here... I doubt it gives much in the way of insulation against the cold. And when I asked about insulation, Alden said “There's a lot of wood.” He says that wood is a good “insulator”. Truth is, it's a better conductor, which is why the “new” way of construction is to put space between the studs and the outer walls, so that wood doesn't directly connect with the interior. Oh well. It won't take long to learn how cold this place will get. But, I thought, tonight, I could put one of those radiators under the thermostat... conserve on oil, to be sure. (And that's my biggest concern at the end of this month... I'll be “living” on about 200$ for the month of September! Thankfully only 4 weeks between incomes from August to. Some months it's 5 weeks... like this one. As I try to remind: The first few months are going to be Hellish... eventually, it will “level out”... I hope. (And I keep remembering the move to Quail Street... no furnishings, all those bills for heat and such, sitting on the floor under blankets, sitting on the registre for the heat, and Niagara-Mohawk calling because I was the “lowest usage” customer they'd ever had, praying that the windows would freeze-over for insulation. THAT was a bitter Winter... Thanks SO much to mother: “You have to leave or he'll kill you and think of the stigma on the other 3”. Gee... the “love”. I've been such a fucking moron all these years. - Well? That's that and this is this and then was then and now is to be seen. - Time to wrap this up. Oddly, as “bed-time” approaches, I'm not so tired. But... - 7.50 Jammies in soaking with a pillow case, t-shirt and the shower flannel which, by now, is in NEED of a laundering, I should think. Anyway, I woke at about 7.00-ish, got out of bed 7.30-ish and am having my coffee, feeling a bit on the “ick” side of things. Not “ill”, no pain, just, perhaps, malnourished or something of the sort. Sneezing a bit too, this morning, but that could be because of the shower last night: clear sinuses... new irritants (please don't let it be a cold!). - 8.00 NOBODY passed the house for the longest while. I step out for a half-smoke AND... you'd think we were the Northway! Anyway, half done and back in. - Another sun-shiney day. Cool. Not uncomfortable. And yes, it's “August”... the dew on the roof ran down to the pavement. “August”... under a tree, behind the dunes, beside the Great Atlantic. Funny, that; I think of NY as having a “shore-line” when, in fact, only The City has that. Still, it's good to be back... “NY”. - Now, on to the rest of the day.... what-ever that entails. - 8.29 And we're up-dated on-line! So there's something “done” with the day. (Now... finish coffee, perhaps the half-smoke, a dump, the lavage... oh... an “agenda”... then back to bed. HAH!) - 9.17 (The area code for mobile phones in The City!) Lavage is on the rack in the shower and second cup is on the table. Ms. Jess is in, as is Ms. Becky. And Friday morning rolls into action (for 2 hours, tee-hee). And me? Time to sit and have a morning dump. Then? M'no-know. What-ever. - BUT I HAVE TO NOTE: THE WASH WATER FOR JAMMIES, A PILLOW CASE, THE FLANNEL, ONE PAIR OF HANES AND A T-SHIRT? FILTHY! TRULY FILTHY! But I've noticed that, since I've gone back to hand-wash, the whites are whiter. Filth from that water in Fuklin! NOT TO MENTION THE KETTLE... I've been using it from since I got here and it's STILL WHITE! In Fuklin, the first time I used it after I'd cleaned it, it turned brown again! There's something to be said for this place. “CLEANER” for one thing. - 20.50 and I'm almost ready for lights-out! (Probably, I might think to believe, because of not eating properly.) And earlier, we had about 5 minutes of wind and down-pour and the sky cleared and the temperature dropped! It's supposed to be cold tomorrow night, but tonight's not exactly “hot”. It's going to be incredibly rough, but I DO believe that THIS month's income is going to at least ONE radiator. They say they cover a 15x15ft room which is more than half of the living-room alone. I don't know that any other room is that large. So one should make for a comfy place. And yes, come December, I'll be paying more than the “budget” for electric anyway so... If I can get one radiator, that'll be fine, for a while. I should think that putting one in the kitchen should “take the chill out of” much of the rest of the place. We shall see. But for tonight, the windows are going to be closed, for the most part. And tomorrow, if there's sun, the shades will be open and the windows closed. Keep some of the day's warmth in... for the night ahead. Ah... August... in “The North Country”. - A little soc.med. and a mug of hot water for tonight. - And I have to check about receding gums. The gum-line on my front teeth is getting noticeably “not good”. The “dead teeth” are beginning to show quite a lot. I remember seeing it on others who had caps. Well? I't my turn now.

Sat.10.Aug: DOUBLE-DIGIT DATE already! 0.02 Another month is slipping by. (But this one? Well... Oma on the 9th, Mother on the 22nd. Me on the 30th. Fukkit!) - And so, I'm “late to bed” again. To think, most of the day, I have all to do to stay awake, but, sun-set and BAM! THINGS TO DO! (Mostly soc.med. though... and I need to stop that shit anyway.) - A few moments ago, I was out on the front porch having a smoke (I need to curb that too), looking at the doe across the road, having a few apples from the tree and listening to the thunder rolling over the mountains in the Keene valley. The clouds swept across the moon and the lightning flashed a bit. I came in, sat down to Minds and... tick-tick-tick-tick and rumble-rumble-rumble... the rains have arrived. Nice. - I've been sitting here with a sherpa on (the lighter-weight) and comfy. But this rain is probably what's going to drive the temperatures down. 10° forecast for tonight. “August”. - OK. This isn't getting me any more rest and in a while, I have to drive up to the “Transfer Station” (a.k.a. dump) and hope I can get rid of my 2 bags o' trash. (If the truck behaves, I might try for Hannafords on the way back... and if I can stay awake. I know... “Shabbat”. But FOOD.) - Off I go. Time to try for a snooze. HEY! A clean pillow case and clean jammies (which I won't wear). CLEAN! - 8.19 I woke at about 6.30... then slept-in until the alarm. 7.47 and up and out of the bed. And it's on the “cool” side this morning. A gentle breeze (as I experienced on the porch), a few clouds, but mostly sunny. And I feel “under-nourished” this morning. Just that “weak and woozy”. 'tis time to try the FS card, m'thinkst. Now, to figure what to get... with about 37$... to last a month. Not to mention, re-doing that card... in NY. There are may expenses that require attention, and little cash to cover them. And the “double-digit days”, well. - And I had another “odd” DREAM this morning: I was in a room at 5225, though it was MUCH more dreary there. I'd come in from something, some-where, work or what-ever, that bit's not clear, but I was EXHAUSTED! Went to “my” room and dropped on the un-made, unkempt bed and fell asleep immediately. But when I woke, most of the pillows where shoved into the corner, the bed being against a wall, and as I woke, I noticed an odour: some kind of “hair grease”, thick and heavy! Sitting up, I looked at the pillows, scrunched into the corner. The cases were, in fact, greasy, and the pillows were covered in black, nappy hairs! SOMEBODY in the house had been “entertaining” a Black man/woman (that was ambiguous in the dream) or had just let him/her crash... in MY bed, during my absence! I was repulsed, just by the very fact that I didn't know who or what was in the bed AND that I'd laid in it all the while I'd slept! Leaving the room, “Randy” (not him, but a “representation” of sorts, though he had the same body build as Randy) was in the hall-way. He made some sort of snarky, curt, rather nasty comment (that I didn't quite catch) and I THOUGHT, but didn't say, for some reason, something about demanding to know WHAT the actual fuck was going on with my room while I was away! The notion that they were renting it, for the hours that I was away (at work or where-ever I'd been), or that somebody (he or Bob) were using the room for some sort of sexcapades... it pissed me off! But I went on my way to where-ever it was that I was heading, still sick with wonder: Who/what was in the bed and HOW was I going to clean it? - Odd dream indeed. Now I wonder what prompted THAT. Oh well... - 8.34 and Jess is opening the PO. I haven't had my coffee yet. Still feeling a bit “ick”. And today, I need to get to the dump. I could go right back to bed, but... no sense. - The “landfill” hours are 9-15.00 today. I'm thinking I'll head out at about 10.00. We'll see where this day goes... when it's gone. - Shabbat. - 12.20 Dump, 7,1mi. and moments. But the garbage is GONE at last. 4$ (2x2$) in “trash cash”, but I've got 2 more stickers for when-ever. It wasn't bad, really, except that I had to pee the moment I got there! Still, over and done. Then a stop at FamDoll (smokes, mostly) where they do NOT have “moth balls” (imagine), so I got a box of PopTarts and another frosting (which I shouldn't but I did... calories... FAT). So, all-calcs bring us to 101$ to “live” off of for the next 3 weeks... and all here-and-there. - But the drive went well and I'm not whining nor complaining. And now, I'm like Lou and those who, over the course of my life-time, made “trips to the dump”. “Country”. Me. Imagine dat! - And this morning, Jess gave me a chair for the porch. Plastic. Broken. But blue and OK I suppose. “Now you can sit and relax.” says she. As if. But it's there and it looks a bit nicer, as if somebody's here. - Well? Now it's time to “settle in” for the rest of the day. It's SO fucking QUIET in this place! And no sense putting on the radio... ONE station to be had, “country”, and not at all appealing. Alas and oh well. But still, if I want to “nap”, I can, and I don't have to be bothered with concerns about “the rest of the house”, or things that I “should” be doing instead, or being aggravated by the “I'm so tired” and no water or food for the little ones (SHE'D BETTER BE ATTENDING THEM! I DON'T TRUST HER AT ALL! But then, there's never been a reason to trust her.) Reminds me of this morning's chat with Jess: this is an amazing place with a strong sense of community. I'm supposing I needed to come here, and can't help but think of how I thought about being here, in New Russia, never thinking it would be possible. I have to wonder why... how... what happens that brings these things? How I wanted, so very much, to be in Rochambeau and, sure enough, there I was. I wanted the truck and there it was. Wanted to try living in VT and there I was. It doesn't always turn for the best (the truck is an expense I truly don't need, Rochambeau turned sour with Jimmy and Kathleen, VT, well...). But it turns out. THIS time, HERE, I'll just have to make the effort at keeping it going, nicely. It's going to be EXCEEDINGLY TOUGH for a while. I just have to keep trust... IN ME! and invest the effort. We shall see. - Meanwhile, it's time for “lunch” or for a snooze. - Joan's out there trying to fortify her little “bean bed”. Apparently a deer got at them last night. I'll have to keep an eye on that. Can't imagine why/how the deer get to the back yard, so close to the house. But what-ever. I have to be amused. Heard Jess say “Well, look at it this way, you made it through most of the season. So they got the tops of a little bit.” Apparently (I didn't see or hear Joan) Joan was not consoled. Imagine? Such a little bed of beans and she's upset. What would she do with a quarter acre? Perish the thought. - On with what-ever this day will be. Nothing on an “agenda” now. The garbage is gone... and I'm “done for the day”. - 17.51 After taking the burners apart and scrubbing with a steel-wool pad, I got the TWO front burners working! (Though, I had to have the fan running on the kitchen table whilst I had them on “High”, to burn the shit off them... the smoke would have set off alarms in Chazy!) ANYWAY... I've just had HOT... yes... *HOT* “Chunky Pot Pie” soup with a slice of bread-with-butter! AND... I'm actually so nicely warm that I'm in a bit of a sweat sitting here! It's been a cool day. (AND AS I TYPE, A RAIN COMES POURING... with the sound of some-one mowing a lawn... the guy across the road, I see. And in the time it took to type this... the clouds are leaving, the rain is ending. So much for the storm. BUT... THIS is what's going to bring our temperatures DOWN to 10 tonight. HOW-evuh....) COOKING took the chill out of the place almost immediately AND NOW I CAN, if need be, put the stove on for a bit of HEAT... should the need present. COOKING. HOT FOOD. Soup and bread-with-butter. AND WARMING a chilly home! WHAT a fucking evening! (I also started cleaning the oven with the steel-wool... I now have something to occupy my Sunday... WHAT a fucking mess THAT thing is! Fucking disgusting! So much for “Self-Cleaning”! Honestly! Fucking disgusting... but a good way to pass a Sunday... to be sure. - Now... back to some tele and a tea and... Another day passes. -

21.07 NOT SINCE JOYCE AND I MOVED INTO “THE HAMILTON” ON HAMILTON PLACE, AT 137TH OFF BROADWAY, HAVE I SEEN THE LIKES OF WHAT I JUST SCRAPED OFF (WITH A PUTTY KNIFE!) THE STOVE, UNDER THE BURNER PLATE THIS EVENING! WHAT A FUCKING MISTAKE THAT WAS, TAKING THAT BURNER OUT TO CHECK. LITERALLY, IT HAD TO BE SCRAPED WITH THE PUTTY KNKIFE TO GET BACK DOWN TO THE ACTUAL STOVE-TOP! BUT... 19.30-20.55 (21.00)... 2,5 HOURS OF SCRAPING, AND SCOURING WITH STEEL WOOL... THE TOP OF THE STOVE LOOKS ALMOST “SHOW-ROOM” CLEAN AGAIN! NOW... I must remember on Monday to show this to Ms. Biddy at the post office and let her know that if she has her usual “infestation of mice” this Winter, it most assuredly does NOT come from in THIS apartment! (Like, she's had an “infestation of ants” this Summer, trying to tell me that “they come from your apartment”. Yeah? Oddly, *I* didn't have any.) But now, should I want to cook (or to heat), I know the stove-top is clean!

I could say that I didn't know “White people” could be that filthy, but then, I remember 5199 (and I can only just imagine what it's like now... 3 weeks after I've gone). “Oh, that room hasn't been cleaned in about 20 or 25 years.” The stove here? I don't know if this is the one that “Art” had, but if it is... between the piss-stench in the loo and this... WHAT A FUCKING SLOB! Thinking that this is my “last stop” on the bus-ride of “Life”, I'll leave this place so amazingly clean... once again, the owner benefits from having me here... MUCH like the “North Star Motel” with the room that couldn't be rented (and shouldn't have been according to Shelly Vinyl... the first Qunt of VT) until I left, at which point, even the room heater was cleaned... of tar, nicotine and filth, the windows were clean, the shower was clean... the whole fucking mess was clean... Compliments of the “scum-bag”. You're most welcome... Qunt. - OK. Enough of this and that and those days and such. I'm pondering ONE... ONLY ONE... v-ton... or a v-ton-cranberry, since there isn't enough tonic or cranberry for a “civil” beverage. After all... it's Saturday night! (And I didn't put music on G's again this week-end... shame on me... but I listened to and sang with the 60s as I performed demolition on the stove... I SANG!). - Now... it's MY time. And I just HOPE there's hot water in the tank tonight for a shower because, I NEED one before bed tonight! - It's a grand feeling of accomplishment. And to think I wasn't going to do ANY of this until tomorrow. Well? Tomorrow, I can get to the oven... which is something I do NOT look forward to. But everything in time.. in time... in time... and I've only as much as I decide to have. (I'd like to get this place to looking like a real “home” in which I can lay my head down and “depart” in comfort from. Home. “Home”.) - Amen. - Shavuah tov. - 22.44 (Cute time, that.) SHOWERED nicely, ever so clean. In jammies because tonight's a chilly one out there. But in the house here, it's comfy. And knowing the stove (top) is clean is a GRAND plus. And that I did something with this day is comforting. But I'm going to have to do something about that fucking light Ms. Biddy intends to leave on now. She says it's to “deter people from picking the locks on the mail-boxes.” BUT she DID say, when she turned it on today “This'll probably drive you crazy.” so I've a bit of a feeling that, since she KNOWS it's annoying... well. I just don't trust her. She says she came to NY 10 years ago. That doesn't make her a “New Yorker”. She's a “Vermonter” and they NEVER have “good intentions or motives” unless it's self-serving. Perhaps a piece of foil on this side of the cover. I'll have to give it a try tomorrow. And I won't be hiding the fact. - Anyway, there's a sense of “calm” about this evening. The accomplishment with the stove, the hot soup for “meal”, cooking (even though it was just heating). And yes, I'm having that v-ton-cran. Just the one. The bed's straightened and ready for seepie-nigh-night too. All's a “wind-down”. Not a typical “Saturday night”... or, rather, it is: nothing special. No more music. Just the silence, and the sounds this old house makes. Little “moans and groans” now and again. Other-wise... silence. It's quite relaxing, to be honest. And no sounds from other rooms... I'm “settling-in”. Though, I'll never really “settle-in”. It's not my way of living... being... existing. It just never was... it isn't now... it never will be at this point in my life-time. But I do what I can... for the time-being. - A bit more soc.med. and then, to bed. Tomorrow? The oven! There are things to keep me busy. (And I have to make some rollies too!)

Sun.11.Aug: 0.46 and soc.med. is done, the beverage is done, yesterday is done, and it's time to try for a nap. Odd... (not really), but now that it's time to try for a nap... I don't want to go to bed. There's nothing I'd rather do, actually. But, tired as I might be, I just don't want to go to bed. - And that light at the post office? It's like being back in The City! Times Square! Pain in the fucking arse, that shit. Oh well. We'll “discuss” it on Monday. For now... lights out. - 8.32 THIS is what happens when the alarm is set for almost 15 minutes fast: I was up when it sounded, turned it off and laid in bed, looking at the sun-light coming in through the windows for a while, then got out of bed, put the kettle on, had a quick tap-coffee with vit.C, got dressed, went to the loo, had a smoke and here I sit, 30 minutes later. The day began earlier than it actually began. How charming. And this morning, already, the oven door is open, prepared to be attacked. And none too soon. It was a touch “chilled” in here this August morn. “Cooking season” approaches. We're looking at flour and yeast and a bread pan or something. Ah, indeed, indeed... back to the days of hand-laundry and fresh-baked bread. It's beginning to look a lot like “Rochambeau”. And I'm NOT complaining. - One item of this morning that I must commit to memory: There are a great many things that require attention, especially where the truck is concerned: repairs, registration, &c., along with items of the house-hold, like oil, heating, and the rest, and there are thins that require immediate attention, and those that can be delayed. There's NO need for me to suffer angst over any of them, really, because, all will be attended as they can be. Surely, I'm NEITHER the first nor the last to delay those things that do require certain actions, and I'm surely NOT the last. All will “settle” over the course of time. I just need to stop shoving time, or, rather, TRYING to shove time. Time will pass only on its own, and where there's nothing I can do other-wise where “attending” is concerned, I need to simply roll along as best possible... Eventually, it will all be as this time never happened. After all: Being here, in this little place called “New Russia” is only the very first step along the way. The rest will follow, and there's nobody standing at the foot of the bed screeching. And if there is? Well... one can't get blood from a stone, can't have what isn't there. It will settle... as the days pass. - That said, just as yesterday passed last night, today shall too pass, tonight. It's a matter of occupying the time. - I'm looking forward to the 28th and the income. But then, it's also the end of the month of August. September follows quickly there-after and Autumn, which brings Winter, and the cold months when “needs” become “necessities” and days are short, nights are long... and COLD. So, the income comes with a price: the harsher, harder months. All must be allowed its course... and I must acquiesce to it all and stop the un-necessary anxieties that I create. - Now... I should probably write this on something and tack it to the wall... or write it on my skin in permanent marker. Oh... me... always something. - Meanwhile, as I sit here with this, and my *hot, pressed coffee”, the fellow across the road is moving his “items” back to the front yard. A shame that “rack” went. But I'm watching to see what else comes to the lawn. “Yard Sale” again. (There were some items on Crgslst that were attractive. But by the time I can afford them, they'll be gone. And I don't really have the what-ever-it-is to ask folks to “hold” items for the next 2,5 weeks... though, if you don't ask... &c.) But “Yard Sale” is nice. Can't have a “Yard Sale” in snow. So, there's time. - For now, it's “time” to have coffee and then... to work on the oven. I'm “inspired” by the work and results of last evening. The damned stove is old (probably from the 70s), but it's here, it functions (to a point) and cleaning it beats having to buy another. So? We do what we can with what we have. And when the stove is done... the fridge requires a bit more cleaning that I didn't get to because I didn't have hot water. Now that that's been settled... (If only I could get that futon for the living-room, a work-table and chair for the back room, a rectangular kitchen table and chairs... AND SHEETS FOR THE LIVING-ROOM WINDOWS... I need to stop.)

14.31 THE OVEN IS DONE! AS “DONE” AS IT'S GOING TO BE BECAUSE THE DAMNED THING IS ACTUALLLY RUSTED-THROUGH IN THE BACK, THERE ARE, LITERALLY, HOLES ALONG THE BACK OF IT!!! BUT... IT'S “USEABLE”, BOTH ELEMENTS ARE IN WORKING ORDER. AND IT TOOK ME THREE FUCKING HOURS OF SCRUBBING, WIPING, SCRAPING... STARTED AT 9.30 AND LAST PHOTO TAKEN AT 12.30! FIGURE: 2,5 HOURS ON THE TOP, 3 HOURS ON THE OVEN, 5,5 HOURS TOTAL WORK ON JUST THE STOVE ALONE! And I was thinking of Alden saying “It's a $50 stove. When I come up next time, we can take it out into the yard and clean it up.” I wonder if he even knows what it looked like. I wonder if this isn't “Art's” stove. And if it IS Art's stove, it's a good thing Art is in some “special care” and not here, on his own. Not to mention the Biddy with her “infestation of mice” and other vermin. If the stove is any indication of how this place was “attended” (or, rather, “neglected”), there's a wonder the whole house wasn't one big rat trap. Well? Stove's done. Fridge next. Always something to keep a day “busy”... thus far.

Now then... Today was the first day of the “Essex County Fair” and Alvin, Vivian and Joan were away for the morning. The day's been “cool” (the kitchen is quite cool now) and clear, so, wonderful weather for a fair. Am I sorry I didn't go? Oh HELL no! (I'm quite happy with what I've done with the morning, to be honest.) I'm supposing that's why the “Yard Sale” is back on, across the road. And now, Joan's back. Alvin and Vivian were back before I had my lie-down of 20 minutes. But I see they're away again. I can hear Joan “doing” something next door. Not bad noise, just odd thumping. I've mixed a bit of peanut-butter and frosting in a glass for “tea break”. I suppose I'll be breaking tomorrow and trying that trip into Hannaford's. I'd've considered today but, it's Sunday, Lake Placid is touristy to begin with, the fair being today, I've no doubt the area's quite busy, so I'll wait. Tomorrow, SOME folks will be at work. And me? I need to get enough food to stretch through 3 weeks (on 37$). Not sure how this is going to work, but... we'll find out... when the 3 weeks is gone by. - Anyway... so much for the morning and almost half the day. On to/with what-ever comes along next. I'm a bit weary, the “snooze” didn't do much in the way of rest, but must to stay up and active or something. It's entirely TOO early to start thinking of sleeping (again). - 23.35 already! And I'm showered, after having been in the oven for all those hours. And I've spent the time searching for my “cosmetics bag”... found it... in the “Pharm”box which I'd put into the plastic tote upon which rests the modem and router! I forgot that I'd put the shaver in a box on the floor in the “blue room”. Found that. And the nail clippers, which I need for toe nails... tomorrow. - But one thing I MUST say is that this kitchen is SO COMFY now, knowing that the stove/oven is CLEAN! AND WORKING! - Meanwhile, sent an e-mail to Tennie. I'm wondering about the status of my work on the site (and I'd like, very much, to keep in touch with her. Though, admittedly, long distance. I can't have any more of this “women-thing” going on. Speaking of which... TWO MORE PHOTOS OF MIMOU! FROM JACQUIE THIS EVENING. And, of course, complaints about here CIBC card. And Wed. and Fri. she goes to the new agency for “training and orientation”. That must give her a bit of relief... a job and potential income and something to keep her occupied. She tells that she was away today and when she came back, Mimou was “so happy to come into the house”. She just doesn't understand that, even though he enjoys his freedom, he's SO TERRIBLY ATTACHED to “his people” and to Hallie. She's still annoying. Dense. Thick. Slow. I ponder whether or not it's good to keep in touch with her at all. But, being 100 miles away, I doubt she'll be “dropping by”, not to mention, she thinks I'm in Russia, NY. If she looks that up, I'm SURE she won't bother to even suggest coming by for a visit. Life here is peaceful. I don't want to disturb that in any way. - But, this place is becoming “home” each and every day. And with all the work put in, well, it's comfortable. - And as for the night? Not as chilly as it's been. A relief, that. Still, I need to think of a radiator or something above all else. The nights will cool quickly now. I've got to keep this place warm enough... for me and the plumbing. - Having a “ginger tea” this evening. It's been a while. Just something before bed. NO BOOZE! I know my kidneys can't take it any more. One drink last night and this morning was a bit tough. And my “midriff” is a bit on the “painful” side this evening. Ah... “old”. - Well, tea and soc.med. and to bed. Tomorrow I need to phone CIBC. The e-mail address and text number are wrong and I can't seem to change them on-line. No prob. As long as that's the worst of it, all's well. Today's exchange rates were quite good too. Hopefully they'll get better as time goes on. Not to mention, come October with the new elections. All total, I've got about 68USD... scattered about, but it's there. Not exactly “wealthy”, but not exactly impoverished. That's good.

Mon.12.Aug: 1.28 Well! NOW it's time to wrap this nonsense up! I've had a full smoke before soc.med. and a rollie just now and... OH! Wednesday and Thursday nights are forecast for COLD! One of them is to be 9°! Single digit! RADIATOR! (Or, at least well, I have the stove that works now. GOOD CALL, staying in and cleaning that thing up!) But for now... let's see how “sleep” goes. - 10.09 Up at about 8.55... kettle on, in to pee, grab the laundry, get dressed, fill the basin and... FUCKING BLOODY TEPID FUCKING WATER AGAIN!!! GATHER THE LIGHTER, SOME BAGS TO KNEEL ON, DON THE HAT AND INTO THE CELLAR A-FUCKING-GAIN! 4TH FUCKING TIME IN 3 FUCKING WEEKS! SO WHAT? THIS IS GOING THE BE A FUCKING “WEEKLY AFFAIR”? FUCK! INTO THE FUCKING BASEMENT AND I BELIEVE I GOT THE SHIT RE-LIT! NOT EXCEPTIONALLY HAPPY... especially since it appears to be a WARM morning already, quite hot, in fact. I'm actually in a sweat! A FUCKING SWEAT! AND, whilst sweeping the front porch, which I did to remove the thick spider webs from the broom, my left side “went”. Alvin and co. gathered round the PO and I'm sweeping and the PAIN! But... never mind all that. The washing is soaking, the heater was running when I left it... let's see what the rest of the day brings. I'm just waiting for shit to settle so I can have my smoke, show Biddy the photos of the stove, discuss covering the light... It's fucking hot... I've got doors and windows open... to let the warmth IN... for tonight. - 12.27 SO much for a “I wonder what I can do to fill the day” Monday. It's been non-stop! Good news: the fucking water heater is still heating. I've been down there again to check and to extend the pull on the light bulb (amazing... I “acquired” that length of pull-chain from 5199 and LO! BEHOLD! Used some of it today!). Also took the broom to the spider webs, so it's a bit cleaner in the rafters. Gave me time to actually LOOK at my floors. Yeah, this place is going to get COLD... No insulation. But hopefully, this cellar won't freeze-up like the crawl space under the “little room” at 5199 and radiate the cold up through the floors above. Hopefully... - The front porch got swept. There's a bit of foil on the light fixture at the PO (with permission and installed whilst Mrs. was present... she's even called to the DM for a “motion-sensor” light to be installed. Let's see how THAT works... No doubt it'll be some “Times Square” bull-shit, illuminating ALL of New Russia and half the Adirondacks. Fucking retards.). OK... that said, the laundry's out on the back walk. And poor Joan and the deer! That old doe managed to clear almost HALF of the beans, and Joan's none too happy about it. (For a fist-full of yellow beans, she asked me to help move some tomato cages and such round to deter the deer. I'm trying to think of what's available to help. Maybe something in the garage. I'll have to check.) - But good good news is that there's been no calls, no “demands”, no threats of cut-off/shut-off/get out or the likes. And when the “lunch hour” is done, I shall ring CIBC to effect changes that should have been done but weren't. Then? Then... - Today's “nourishment” is going to be rather sparse in that there's ONE package of Ramen, some peanut-butter, butter and... that cover it all. I'm just too lazy to go into town today and for only food. Tomorrow I'll have NO choice in the matter. Alas, oh well. - Now... on to the next what-ever.
DREAM I was working at “Calvary” or some hospice sort of place, as a Nurse or some such capacity. I'd gone into the room of a rather refined, striking woman, ambulatory, mobile, rather like a “tidy Elizabeth” (who wore a bit too much make-up but was the one who told me, when I'd worked at Calvary “If I weren't so sick, you'd be in a LOT of trouble.”, what a riot she was). I went into the room to check on her, the patient when I notice a stack of “greeting cards” on a table beside her bed and in them, cash. I never did know how much there was there but I was quite concerned it might be stolen. Not to mention, the thought that she had no use for cash but I most certainly did, but it most certainly wasn't enough to make much of a better difference in my life so better that she should have it... still, I didn't want it stolen from her. When I spoke to her about keeping it safe, she didn't seem to care much about it at all. It wasn't enough for her concern, and I supposed she was rather wealthy anyway. Still, I tried to impress upon her, the need to keep it out of sight. The more I tried to stress, the more she seemed to dismiss the matter, and went on about getting dressed in fine clothing. She had some-where to go. As I went about my own work in the room, making sure she was OK, the room was clean and such, a man came into the room, a friend of hers or some house-keeping employee, I'm not certain which, and he over-heard me telling her about safe-guarding her money. “Why should you trust HIM?” the fellow asked her. “He says his name is 'James'. he said in a rather belligerent tone. The woman replied, in a soft voice “It is, in some languages.” with reference to a translation of my name... which was never stated nor considered by me in the dream but I was aware that my name was “foreign”... perhaps “Hebrew” or something of the sort. The man more-or-less lingered at the door to her room and as dreams will do, suddenly, she was laying on her bed and I was sitting there, noticing yet another card that she'd received that day. This one had a 10$ bill in it, and an older bill at that. I was impressed by the age of the bill as a collector's item, and too, the fact that she'd received even MORE money. So, I approached the need for her to safe-guard her money again and as I was speaking with her, I happened to notice my legs... I was wearing some sort of shorts or some wear that exposed my legs. Oddly, what struck me was the darkness of them! Quite tanned, quite dark, like the tone of an Indian, and I was impressed and pleased, especially considering that I'd not been in the sun in such a long while. And as I focused on the colour of my legs and still tried to convince this woman that she needed to keep her cash out of sight... I woke.
23.06 Well! Another day has passed and I've “kept busy”. Painted a little “shelf” for the loo, 3 coats of “house paint” white and 2 coats of “matte enamel” on the top. Hopefully, tomorrow, it will be installed and the “lotions, notions and potions” will be placed. - Had the last package of Ramen with butter and beans for “meal”, followed by a tablespoon or so of frosting. Snax was 2 PopTarts with peanut-butter. And now? There's literally NOTHING in this house to be eaten. FORCED to go to market tomorrow. OH! That the truck runs there and back. - Looked into the new applications for Medicaid and FS and heating subsidies. Will have to phone for appointments on them tomorrow morning. There are applications on-line, but they all require some sort of “verification” process anyway, so I may as well go into the office and handle it all there. May THAT be as easy as Soc.Sec. in Plattsburgh! And I got all the info on the CIBC account cleared-up as well. - Other than that? Well, the laundry is almost dry, on the rack, in the “kitchen nook”. Next? Bed linens. I'll wash the new sheets first. But that's not for a while yet since I want to get a mattress cover for the bed before putting them on. - The weather forecast has changed for the next week. Nights aren't going down as low as indicated last week. RELIEF! - The hot water is still running hot. I should think that, considering the last time it went, I'd used 6 gallons of fuel, so if that's a “metric”, I'm down 12 gallons now from the 28 which leaves me with 16 gallons which means I've another 20-something days which will bring me to the end of the month at which time I'll be looking at 140$ for the new tank of 50 gallons. There goes the “extra” for other items of necessity in the house-hold. But, at least there'll be hot water. (Not to mention the truck repairs!) - I think I've discovered the correlation between the “dream” of the other night... about the black hairs on the pillow-case... probably had to do with all the “hair” I've been “discovering” as I clean this place. Says Ms. Biddy: “Art” had a woman come to clean the place from time-to-time who had black hair. Still... it's disgusting. - OH! AND I FOUND THE CABLE IN THE HOUSE! IT'S UNDER THE CARPETING IN THE BLOODY LIVING-ROOM!!! A WHILE CABLE... RUNS TO THE BOX WHERE SPECTRUM RAN THE NEW ONE! IMAGINE AND FUCK ME! NOT SURE IF IT'S FOR INTERNET, BUT THERE IT IS... HOW FUCKING RIDICULOUS IS THAT! AND EVEN THE SPECTRUM GUY DIDN'T NOTICE IT! FUCK ME! - 23.30 Just looking at my NYSEG account and, according to one page, I have a CREDIT of 17-cents BUT according to my “Payment History” I have a CREDIT OF $10,33! Monthly payment is 38$, I made a payment of 39$, actual billing was for 27,67$. I have NO idea how they're figuring this (unless there's some other charges, taxes, surcharges and the likes on the actual bill which I have and must check as well but...). Checked the PDF BILL... there's nothing on it... It's an “empty PDF”. Well! OK. Fine. We'll see. Anyway, there was supposed to be a meter reading today but I can submit one tomorrow morning, on-line. Photo or actual. And to think, I'd JUST looked at the meter this evening to see how quickly it runs. SLOWLY, thankfully. (Joan's just buzzes about.) So, we shall see what we shall see. Just as long as my payments get to them on time, I don't care. I'll hold it at the 38$ but probably send 39$ anyway. We shall see. - Now, I want to fill-in the particulars about this morning's dream. I “noted” it and then went about re-lighting the water heater (which reminds me: Biddy made a mad dash to phone Alden about the lawn-mowing... which hasn't been done, and then suggested that I tell Alden about the water heater when he comes up again... fucking “Vermonter” that one... true to form, legacy, legend... just another “VTQ”... VT qunt). - Received word from Tennie about her site. She's “very happy” with what she's got. Fine. No prob. I did the work, made the site, made the effort. As for the rest? Dorothy Parker: You can drag a horticulture but you can't make her think. I sent a reply, keeping communications potential open. But I'll not expect to hear. - Message from Dorothy today too... “call Thursday”. Indeed... as much as she calls me. (It's always the same: YOU call ME... they say. I'm tired.) - OK. Another mug of hot water, tidy up the dream stuff and off to bed. There's something on the agenda for tomorrow. - 23.58 and caught-up with today's entry. I'll have my cup of water and off to bed.

Tue.13.Aug: 0.36 Off to bed... as a stray rain taps on the metal roof of the back porch. - 8.21 Up and dressed. I woke, on my own, at about 7.30 and got up out of bed. Why? Still not sure. And it's one of those “No Food” mornings where the brain is misfiring all over the place. It's time to get serious about “nourishment” here, again. And of course, it's on a day when calls have to be made, and driving into town in a “fog”. - Speaking of which, there's all sorts of clouds on the mountains this truly damp morn. The heat is returning, which is good and bad. And I'm having coffee and wanting to get back to bed. Oh well... it'll be another day of “Let's see how it is when it ends” or, rather, “Let's see how it was when it's over”. Shit! I woke thinking it's Wednesday. Oh well. - 15.25 The place smells of... COOKING! Rice, chuck, mixed veggies, coconut oil. On the stove, in the little pot. One “glass” of rice and there's about enough in there for TWO meals. Taste? Blah. Salt and pepper is all I have, but... it's better than what I woke with in my gut this morning. I've had about 4 table-spoons, to taste. Will “eat” later. But for now... - I left about 2 hours or so ago, headed to the Thrift store where I got a stainless bowl (I wanted glass but for 75-cents?), a “sitck-free” roasting/bread pan (only slightly dented but 2$), and 4 clear glass plates, “Made in France”, 4 for 2,50$. THE SLOW-COOKER (3$) WAS GONE AND THAT'S REALLY WHAT I'D WANTED BUT... snooze and loose and I did. Oh well. I can cook with what I've got, obviously.
BUT AS I PULLED OUT OF THE DRIVE... THE FUCKING BREAK LIGHTS CAME ON AND WOULDN'T GO AWAY! “ABS” AND “CHECK BRAKES” AND THE MESSAGE “SERVICE BREAK SYSTEM”... ALL THE FUCKING WAY TO FUCKING TOWN! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! - I MADE IT TO THE THRIFT STORE, DETERMINED BECAUSE, WELL, I NEED TO EAT AND AS I'VE ALREADY SAID LAST NIGHT... THERE WAS NOTHING... *NOTHING!!!* IN THIS PLACE TO EAT.! I JUST PRAYED AND HOPED THAT WHEN IT WAS TIME TO STOP, I COULD... AND... I DID. I AM NOT ASKING “WHAT NEXT?” BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO KNOW NOW AND I HAVE FAITH THAT “NEXT” WILL COME IN DUE COURSE AND I WON'T BE HAPPY ABOUT IT.
So I pulled into the parking lot for the Thrift store, got out, browsed, got my items and got back into the truck, turned it on and... the lights were off! I headed directly to Tops for FOOD! FOOD! DAMNIT! FOOD! And when I arrived? The truck stopped where necessary. OUT! Into the store with the few items I wanted/needed on my written list and on the list in my head (flour, yeast, meat, veg, rice... and I got ice cream for later, because it was cheap with the “card”, and other things like foil and a knife to cut the meat... and as I type I remember going through a dozen eggs, switching one out and... I DIDN'T GET THEM! but at least I didn't pay them either... I can't imagine where they went). FOOD STAMPS! Not that it made my cash-on-hand any better. I went out with 28$... came back with 13$. Still, I know I saved by going to the Thrift for the stuff I paid cash. - Shopping done, back into the truck, turn the key, hold breath and heart-beats and... NO LIGHTS! And the drive back was just fine. BUT, I'm glad I hadn't planned on going to Hannaford's today. The drive is 10 miles closer than Plattsburgh, but there are turns (no signal) and it's UP and over the mountains. So... so. Gas saver, that flat trip into town. - Once back in, I scrubbed the newly-bought items and got right to the cooking bit. - The stove works... but I still HATE electric cooking. And now... the dishes are all put up, I have to re-arrange the limited cupboard space, the pot of “rice and stuff” is “settling” on the stove, not cooking. And the music of the 60s plays and here I sit. And it's HOT and HUMID again today. Good. Better this than freezing cold! - As for before I left, spoke with a charming young woman about Medicaid. Seems I have to close my case in VT before applying in NY. But it shouldn't be all that difficult at all. (Something else on an “agenda”, probably for tomorrow morning, at this point... I'm wasted... between the fucking-brake-fucking lights ... and all that fucking money I put into that in-breed nephew of Pammie's... another reason to fucking detest VT, and the stress of the trip that should have been just fucking fun.) - Other-wise.. there's a shelf to be put up in the loo today. Let's HOPE THAT goes well. - As a note: Biddy says to me, this morning: “Do you wear your yarmulke all the time? Do you think people dislike you because of it? You seem to have a lot of trouble with people.” THAT was in response to my description of Dickie Cooper. Ah... what a fucking typical Vermonter that one is. I MUST keep in mind: She's “challenged”... mentally, ethically, and other-wise. Dumb shit. - OK. Let it go. Time to move along. I could use a 30-minute snooze. No wonder... only about 5 hours of “sleep” last night. I was still up at 2.00 and out of bed at about 7.30. - At least there's FOOD to be eaten this evening... at 17.00 or so. FOOD! COOKED! And enough for tomorrow as well! (And I've yet to try the stove... BREAD! Next on the list!) - Another item: I checked my NYSEG bill this morning. One says I have a credit to my favour in the amount of 17-cents. The actual bill has me at a credit to my favour for 10$! I went to take the reading first thing this morning and when I tried to submit it, I couldn't. I've been billed for the reading they allegedly took yesterday and for 32 days... 27$ in usage. That's NOT BAD! Of course, I didn't have the stove then, but... at least until the Winter hits, I should be able to keep it all down to about 30$/month and and at the end of the year, have a credit in my favour again. I can't only hope and try. But one lamp at a time... I might just get that electric water heater, have it, if possible, installed in the kitchen. THAT would be VERY nice. - So now, I could sit here and eat my soul out thinking of repairs to the truck and such or... have a snooze... There's a tea steeping but... snooze is what I believe it will be. - 23.25 and as is usual, just n from a smoke (it's gone chilly out there) and now that it's time to go to bed... I don't want to. But, there are calls to be made in the morning, must get out of Medicare in VT so I can get onto it in NY. Of course, there was the question of my driver's license address... I might have to hold out until THAT'S done... which means the brakes and the turn signals have to be repaired on the truck. OH! (At least I have until December... which will be here before much longer on registration and insurance and inspection... in VT.) Oh well. More money troubles. BUT... there's food in the fridge. That's always a plus. - But for now... time to try for sleep. Or a nap, at the very least.

Wed.14.Aug (14 more days until “pay day” again. If I can just hold out....): 7.55 and I was up at 7-something, coffee on y 7.30 and I went back to bed until it was COFFEE! at about 7.44. Too close to 8.00. I don't like that hour any more, not for getting up and out of bed. Maybe that'll be my next “goal”: 6.00. Why? No reason. None at all. Oma used to get up at 6.00. And these days, I wonder how she filled a day. Pretty much the way I do now: finding things. But what I need to do is “I'll go to bed at 9, and waken with the dawn. And lunch at half-past noon, dinner prompt at 5...” no comfort of a few old friends long past their prime. - Anyway... I have to think about FS, in particular. And HEAP in particular. Food and heat. HEAP might just help put some oil in the tank ahead of time. FS are already WAY past necessary. I can ring about those this morning. FS seem to be the basis for much other. So? So, there we have something on the agenda. This “retirement” is enough to drive a person to... well... this is why folks retire and die, I suppose. - Anyway... 16° this morning, a bit on the “grey”, or “quelques nuages” as the météo is telling me. Up to 23 and back down to 18. No single digits. Re-assuring. I've closed the windows though. Perhaps I'll put a loaf or 2 of bread in the oven today. A touch of warmth (and something more to fill the belly... that's always a good deal). No eggs but that's fine. - And of course, the anxieties of the truck. There. That's the day. Oh yes, and the shelf in the loo. Charming. Well? If we don't start the day... it really wouldn't be noticed, one way or the other. Thankfully, I don't feel as horrid this morning as I did yesterday. (Let's just hope there's hot water. THAT'S an EVERY-day concern.) - 14.46 BREAD is on the second rise! SNAP and possibly HEAP, are APPLIED FOR ON-LINE. Joan gave me another bunch of green beans and says she's not feeling well at all today. Told me that I might be the only one to get her to hospital if she needs. Hey! I don't mind. I don't have emergency calls but I have the number on the phones so... - It's been a perfect sort of day today. Would have been magnificent to go out-doors to work in the yard, if I had a yard to work in. But... I've passed the day, thus far. For a while, I thought the water heater was off again. I REALLY NEED to get a larger tank of propane! But, in due course. I'd call today to put in the order, but I'm not sure how much I'm going to have left come “pay day”. There are the regular expenses (which will level themselves out in about another month or so), and the AAA that I want to keep. No repairs to be done on the truck this month. Oh well. But, I just have to keep reminding me: It will ALL level out... over time... it always has done. - Also got “Fox News” on-line! Hopefully I'll be able to get “The Five” for dinner! “Dinner prompt at 5” (as I did when I was able... over the past many too many years). - For now? Not sure what to do. But I'll find something... to be sure. If not... nap. But I'm trying NOT to do that, so I can be in bed by 21.00 or soon there-after. I want to get into a “normal” (for me) routine again! - 16.46 Bread's been in for about 30 minutes but I've NO idea WHAT is going to come out of that oven. I'VE NEVER had bread dough do what THIS did... STICKY, GLOPPY, UN-MANAGEABLE, PLOPPED ALL OVER THE SINK AND MY HANDS, STUCK TO THE COUNTER-TOP! I LITERALLY HAD TO “POUR” THE MESS INTO THE PAN! COULDN'T SHAPE IT AT ALL! But... it's “baking” so we shall see what it becomes. Nothing unusual in it: flour, yeast, a bit of water, some “old” milk (as I've done before) but this time, a bit of coconut oil. Well? Well. We shall see. - AND, as I was “sorting” the “leather bag” today, I heard Joan call from her porch. ODDLY ENOUGH, I'D ONLY JUST THOUGHT: “I wonder if she'll 'test' me on her call for help.” YEP! MY GUT RULES! SOMEBODY KEEPS TELLING ME THINGS. I've never understood it, don't understand it now, probably won't EVER understand it, but there it is. - So for now, I'm going to give the “bread” a little longer to “cook”. My left-overs from last night are in the pot, warmed. Strange: the bread turned out gloppy, the rice I cooked last night just turned to “starch”. “Store brand” shit from Tops. I wonder. There's a trip to Lake Placid coming... (hopefully the new application for Food Stamps will provide an amount worth the trip). - And now to see if I can watch “The Five”. If not... there's Brits. - 22.26 SO much for “to bed at 9”. But I'm out of the shower, teeth brushed, beard trimmed, not in that order how-ever. Feeling quite nice, light, refreshed. - The bread? Well... it resembles “bread”, it rose a touch and filled the backing pan. Taste? Sweet and just the slightest bit of coconut. Not “terrible” but not exactly the bread I'd hoped for. Oh well. It was a good try. I need a larger bowl or to use only half a packet of yeast. I'll try the half next time. And dinner was “pasty” but filling and, I'll suppose, nourishing to a point. All said, fine. Tomorrow night... more cooking. There's more beef in the fridge that needs to be cooked soon. Tomorrow night, fresh cooking again. Charming. - Got a call on 50729 from the Soc.Svces. in Elizabethtown! 19.15! From a ... “Cindy”! JEEZUS KRISTE! NOT THAT AGAIN! Here goes the bitch and qunt routine, I've no doubt. They're irredeemable, that lot. (Although... there IS “Cynthia”... so maybe... that coupled with the date of my “interview”... the 22nd! JEEZUS again! The anniversary. 31 years, and I can still recall most of it... the Buffalo bit anyway, and the “notification”... “I just thought you might like to know that Mom expired today.” Fucking moron. (Joe) Anyway, let's see how this turns out. And if... IF... it goes well, MAYBE I'll get hooked into HEAP at the same time and they can send money to ... WHY CAN I NOT REMEMBER THE NAME OF THE OIL COMPANY AGAIN? A... AVERY! SHIT! maybe they can send money to Avery and I can get OIL in the tank! THAT would be SO SUPER! (So I won't count on it happening.) - So moving along, today wasn't all too bad. Not too “busy”. But the shelf is up in the loo, beard trimmed, there's a bit of bread to have and butter too, and I just might before bed (and the brush the teeth again). Just in from a 4-drag smoke. It's not too cold out there tonight. Thankful for that. The phones ring through (except the 50729 but that's fine... it's only for “text”... 518... 565... coincides with 518... 564). Messages were received. And the application for food is in. Things... getting done. - Well... I think I just might have a bit of bread and butter before bed tonight. It's there. I could use the intake. And a bit of soc.med. and then off to ... nap or what-ever. - I have to smirk: Joan gave me the beans tonight and told me not to mention it to Jess. Not exactly sure why, but I told her “Not a mention. I'm learning who and what gets told and said to whom and not.” Cryptic, but I'm sure it MIGHT make a mark. - Moving along... - 23.31 Last smoke.

Thu.15.Aug: 7.38 AND UP FROM THE CELLAR... RE-LIGHT THE PILOT... AND I'D JUST DONE ON MONDAY! This is going to prove to be QUITE the Winter... I can see that now. And after another night of LEG/FOOT SPASMS every hour or two. Oh yes, how very terribly charming. But I DID say “Oh, I don't mind doing little things round the place.” But I meant the lawn, changing washers on the plumbing (which is next on the list for the kitchen sink), painting, MINOR items... certainly NOT having to toddle into the cellar every other day to provide hot water for the place... as the propane spits out for naught. Well Charlie? You WANTED “a little place in the Adirondacks” and here you are. And once again, you weren't specific, in that you didn't mention “Maintenance-Free”. - And I keep thinking of Biddy: “You seem to have some bad experiences with people. Do you think it might be because you wear that (yarmulke)?” FUCK OFF. I mind my business, keep my place clean and quiet, keep ME clean and quiet (I mean... I SHOWERED last night... and dressed in clean clothes this morning and then went crawling in the cellar.. BEFORE COFFEE!) Or do I suppose it might be because I just happen to find myself surrounded by IDIOTS? Perhaps. - And so, for some UN-GODLY reason, I was up and out of bed before 7.00, kettle on, basin filling, clothes are in soaking already... and BEFORE COFFEE! Would somebody PLEASE care to tell me how my life is ANY different from ANYbody else's? ANYBODY? - Oh... never mind. It's done. I'll just go back and check in a bit. - Funny bit though: Re-lighting, I forgot to turn the thermostat down before having at the damned thing. AND, getting TOO comfy-familiar with the process, I didn't get the little red knobbie-turn-thingie in the correct position so as to be able to properly depress the knobbie-press-it-thingie. THE FUCKING PILOT WOULDN'T LIGHT RIGHT AWAY! PANIC! NO GAS? Got that taken care of, lit the fucking pilot, held the button to the slow count of 120, turned the fucker to the “OFF”! FUCK ME! OK. Back to the beginning... knobbie-turn to “PILOT”, press the knobbie-press, hold, re-light, turn the knobbi-turn to “ON”... POUF! OUT GOES THE PILOT!!! FUCK ME AGAIN! Knobbie-turn to “PILOT”, knobbie-press, hold and RE-RE-LIGHT... knobbie-turn to “ON” AAAAnnnddd... POUF-WOOSH! The heater-burner all a-glow! FUCK ME AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN... FUCK ME AGAIN AND AGAIN AND... I HADN'T TURNED THE THERMOSTAT TO “OFF”! GAS IN AND... WE WERE ALL A-GLOW WITH THE SWEET SOUND OF THE GAS A-FLAME! Oh... nothing like a good “KABOOM!” before morning coffee. Thankfully, THAT didn't happen... YET. (There's still time for it, I might suppose.) - Some call it a “sense of humour”, this approach to bull-shit. Me? I call it “FUCK IT! FUKKIT! FUKKITALL!” If I should die before I wake... I shouldn't bitch... for goodness' sake. - Well? The 8.00 alarm has sounded and here we are. I suppose I'll get this lap-top Journal (now 9 pages) to the on-lines this morn. There are photos I want to “album” for all of this shit. (I should photo the fucking water heater...) AND NOW I'M WONDERING WHAT SORT OF BULL-SHIT I'LL BE PUTTING UP WITH FOR THE BOILER/FURNACE! OH! THE SUSPENSE! Honestly, at the very moment, I'm just hoping to be able to hold on until I get the FS and HEAP together (or not). As I've said/typed (I believe, last night): MAYBE HEAP will help with... AT LEAST... OIL! THAT would be nice, kind, un-like my existence. (I foresee a week or more with-out hot water coming... running out of propane before the 28th... and THEN... Avery NOT having a 50gal tank. BUT... hopefully, they'll have A TANK to replace THIS tank and I'll be off the “Mega-Company”. Oh... 'tis all to be seen... “Time”. Not that I particularly care. When I die... I'm dead... dead and gone. Looks like a competition between Joan and I. Who'll meet whom “beyond”? - 10.43 Wash is on the rack in the shower. Beans have been cleaned, cut, a container in the freeze, the rest in the pot on the stove with the beef and rice, cooking (slowly today) for dinners. Dishes, done and away. Radio Canada on-line. And the day rolls. HEY! AND I rang to confirm the “appointment” on the 22nd. 3 hours? Imagine? I've done more in 3 hours this morning than most folks do in 30 hours! I'm impressed. (And, frankly, fatigued. But in a good fashion.) - Now I want a smoke! In about 15 minutes the “crowd” will have gone back to their hovels. This morning was a touch trying with the kid from across the road, bouncing all over the porch and screeching. Worse than animals. But... c'est la marde. - Messages to and from Mme. Again, she says Minou is so “lovey”. She doesn't quite get it... He fucking depends on her... more-so now! Anyway... self-serving old thing. We can't ALL be “considerate” (and yet, there's me... TOO fucking considerate... of everybody else.) - Time to roll along. There's a day ahead. - 15.00 And ANOTHER “chat” with Dorothy... for ANOTHER almost 3 hours. But ENLIGHTENING! “You know, your sister never says ANYTHING negative about you. All she ever says is 'I hope my brother's alright.'” AND... apparently, the poor kid's a fucked-up mess, still with that shit-bag, and he's STILL abusing her, and she's STILL living in the “sun room”. She's re-done the kitchen floor, the cabinets... she's STILL doing ALL the work and he's STILL leeching off her. But as Dorothy says, she's (like Viv) stuck... she's convinced she doesn't deserve better, and now, she's at a point in life where she's probably afraid of making any sort of move. Sarah and Ollie's father aren't married, they're living in that house, Sarah's STILL abusive toward her mother. The fucking shit just hasn't changed. And... Me? Well. I STILL remember that Easter Sunday and the U-Haul. But even as Dorothy says, it's now a clinical “mental illness”. No harm is intended... she just does what she feel and believes she MUST do in order to survive... even though it means being abused. Makes me sick. I'm contemplating getting in touch with her but to what end? Try to help and be punished... again? It's not like I can invite her to come here. Though I do have the extra room now. She'd have to furnish it. But then, what “life” can she have here? (That same as the one I have, but...) I offered her a place when Joyce and I were together. She didn't accept. I offered her a place in Walker Valley and Roosa Gap. She won't take it. She believes she's “ugly”. She believes she deserves no different from what she's got. And now, I don't believe there's anything that can be done to change any of it. Makes me sick. - But, it's good to talk with Dorothy.. - I'd phone Ev before ringing Dorothy. SHE made a rather abrupt end to the call, after a few moments: “Thank you for calling. You take care and call again. Bye.” Hmmm... OK. Fine. - I move along. - And after all that time on the phone, I wanted a smoke! But Alvin's out mowing his yard so I'm pretty much trapped. I DID grab a drag in the bed-room, fan blowing out the window. But the “re-smokes” are strong. Now I'm trying to get the odour out of the room and house! A bit of air freshener and the fan in the window. Hell... I might just have a snooze and take a stroll to the bridge a little later. Having a tea. Might just as well. Too early for “dinner” and only a few “nuggets” to munch and they should be heated but too much effort on the stove and too much electric for “nothing”. - At least it's a “comfy” sort of day. At least. - 23.44 Again, so much for “bed at 9” fuck me! Soc.med. and shit. - NOTING THIS EVENING THOUGH, BEFORE I GO TO BED... I SENT A MESSAGE TO DOROTHY SAYING THAT, SINCE SHE KNOWS SISTER'S SITUATION BETTER THAN I, *IF* SHE THOUGHT IT A GOOD IDEA, LET HER KNOW MY PHONE NUMBER AND TEXT NUMBER. WHY DID I DO THAT? WELL... I SUPPOSE I FEEL A BIT SORRY FOR THE WOMAN. TRUTHFULLY, SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THE SHIT SHE'S LIVED THROUGH AND THE MORE DOROTHY DESCRIBED THE SITUATION, THE MORE IT RANG FAMILIAR... VIV! AND *HER* SITUATION LITERALLY DESTROYED HER! CAN I... WILL I EVEN TRY TO “SAVE” SISTER? NO. THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO AT THIS POINT. SHE WON'T CO-OPERATE, AND EVEN DOROTHY SAYS IT'S ACTUALLY HOPELESS. SHE'S “SELF-MEDICATING” AT THIS POINT AS WELL. THE ONLY “HOPE” WOULD BE PROFESSIONAL INTERVENTION AND THAT'S NOT LIKELY. BUT PERHAPS JUST BEING ABLE TO TALK, FROM TIME-TO-TIME... I'LL HAVE TO MIND MY WORDS, SENTENCES AND PHRASEOLOGIES, BUT THEN AGAIN... SHE'S GOT TWO BROTHERS, HOPELESS, FECKLESS, IDIOTS, CLOSE BY. USELESS AS THEY HAVE BEEN AND OBVIOUSLY STILL ARE. OH WELL... WE SHALL SEE. (AT LEAST I HAVE THE OPTION OF “BLOCKING”, SHOULD SHE GET ALL CARRIED AWAY.) - In other matters, I saw and chatted with Joan this evening when I brought my washing in. She'd been to a specialist today and tomorrow, she's up to Plattsburgh for more. This evening, she gave me a few zucchinis and a cucumber. She's “Paying” me for something... I realised that when I got back in. I'll have to bring that to a stop. I'm her neighbour... I don't want “payment” for kindnesses. It's why I came back “home”: We DO simply because that's who and how we are. Anyway, I hope she never has to use my kindness for her health. She's already told me, twice, about her “DNR/DNI”. I believe that she believes I'll be her “First Line”. Hopefully, if it ever comes to that, I won't fail. - Rolled 10 more rollies this evening and ORDERED A MACHINE for about 7$! Due between Tuesday and Thursday next. - And had “meal” at about 17.00 and got to “watch” “The Five” again with. Very nice, indeed. - At this moment, I'm deciding whether or not to have a rollie and then get to bed or just go to bed. It's always the same at the moment it's time to go to sleep. Oh well... - Something just happened to this lap-top and the brightness increased!!! The fucking thing up-dated last night, even though I put it on “sleep” and not “Up-date and Shut-down”. Fucking bull-shit, this. - Anyway... smoke it is and then to bed.

Fri.16.Aug: 8.43 Imagine THIS... another morning of the alarm sounding and me snoozing-in... until 8.20. THIS is not as I'd intended. BUT... I do because I can. - Having a “Parkinsonian” sort of morning... trying to get my appendages (as they are) to properly function. Arms all “akimbo” and such. But I got the “laundry” folded and put up. So I suppose that's a “good thing”, as it were. - Nothing on the agenda. And it's a drizzly sort of morn. The clouds, hanging in the tree-tops. It rained a touch o'er night, last. How “romantic”. And the road-ways and grasses are wet. So we shall see what comes of the day. - Need to get this lap-top Journal onto on-line. Page 10 here. And then? The day will... - Still unsure about the numbers to the sister. That too, time will tell. And so we wait... until Time divulges. - Moving along... - 8.56 And with the screeching of the Biddy... the journal is up-dated. NEXT! - 22.42 OK... Out of the shower (meaning, I'll have to go re-light the heater again tomorrow... no doubt). Time to catch-up on this day... - Let's see... I did some quick notes so I'll start with the 16.55 notations which I made just before having “meal” which was a lot of bread crusts with a bit of the rice. I'm saving the “larger portion” of that for Saturday's “meal”. Then? It's either make more or make the best of the chicken fukkitz (some of which I'm eating even as I type because I'M FUCKING HUNGRY! but I'm grateful that there's SOMETHING to be eaten). - This morning, the only piece of mail was a “bill”... the printed, official bill from NYSEG. “ZERO” due! 17-cents over-paid with the 39$ I'd sent and just over 10$ to my credit on my “budget” already! I'm THRILLED! May this continue on and on and on and...

WELL!!! I MANAGED TO GET A VIDEO OF ONE OF THE CATERPILLARS GOIMG INTO CACOON!!! I WAS OUT THERE, ON THE CHAIR, AT ABOUT 12.30 AND MANAGED TO STAY THE COURSE UNTIL ALMOST 16.30! IT WAS, I HAVE TO ADMIT, A CALM DAY. NOBODY WAS AROUND, EXCEPT FOR A MOMENT OR TWO WHEN ALVIN SUDDENLY SHOWED, SPOKE BRIEFLY AND LEFT. (I'VE A FEELING HE'S NOT “FOND” OF ME, BUT TRUTHFULLY, I DON'T MUCH CARE. HE'S NOT THE LAND-LORD NOR IS HE MY IMMEDIATE NEIGHBOUR. IF HE'S GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME AND WON'T SPEAK ON IT... NOT MY MONKEY, NOT MY CIRCUS.) MOVING ALONG... INDEED, THERE I SAT. BUT, JUST AS THE EVENT WAS BEGINNING, JOAN RETURNED FROM PLATTSBURGH AND ASKED THAT I TAKE 2 O2 TANKS TO THE DOOR FOR HER. WELL, OF COURSE I DID, BUT I MADE CERTAIN TO LET HER KNOW OF THE “EVENT” THAT WAS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE AND SHE WAS UNDERSTANDING. I BROUGHT THE TANKS TO THE STEPS AND WENT BACK TO WATCHING THE CATERPILLAR AND, AS SHE'S CHATTING WITH ME FROM HER DOOR... BINGO! ZINGO! THE FIRST SPLIT HAPPENED! AND, FOR 7 MINUTES, I GOT IT! ODDLY THOUGH, AS I SAT WATCHING ONE CATERPILLAR, TWO OTHERS MANAGED TO “MAKE THE CHANGE”. I CAUGHT A MOMENT OF ONE SQUIRMING IN ITS NEW “SHELL” BUT THE GRAND PRIZE DU JOUR WAS 7 MINUTES OF THE ONE I'D BEEN MONITORING!!! (I'VE POSTED THE VIDEO TO THE WVNR MINDS CHANNEL ALREADY TOO. CURIOUS AS TO THE REACTIONS/RESPONSES.) WOW! JUST WOW! AND WHEN IT WAS DONE... I BROUGHT THE PHONE IN TO SHOW JOAN. SHE WAS THRILLED AND ENTHRALLED! I HAVE TO GET A COPY OF IT TO HER FOR HER TO WATCH ON HER COMPUTER.

OK. As Joan and I sat in her “living-room” we had a WONDERFUL chat-time. She's in better spirits lately, and apparently her Pulmonologist told her today that her difficulty breathing is likely due to all the humidity and perhaps, a bit of alergens in the air. Obviously, it was a relief to her and so, “things” have calmed a touch. - So I came in to put “dinner” on and she called me over again to show the video to Alvin and Vivian, who'd come to see her. Vivian looked at it. Alvin took off across the road. Fine. Vivian and I spoke, a bit, and she recommended that, since I've an interest in the river here, there's a group that maintains it and I might be interested in volunteering. “BRAS” or “BRASS”... I have to look it up. It could be fun and interesting and such. - Late... I came back to my “shit meal” and a about 30 minutes of “The Five”. (The feed stopped before the program was done. Fine. Brit tele to finish.) - After, the dishes got done and I wanted a casual smoke (of re-smoke-rollies unfortunately but...) so I headed out and Joan was having her dinner on the back porch. I told her I was heading down to the bridge and she continued with her dinner after asking “What language were you listening to a little while ago?” She heard me listening to “CBC”. When I told her it was French, she appeared interested. Apparently she'd gone into the yard to get “Little Girl” and heard the broadcast. So now she knows I'm multi-lingual. Not that it makes much difference in anything but... - And so I did take my stroll down to the river and got photos of the water-fall. Even Vivian had said that it would be fine to do so. I'm not some stranger now... I'm a resident... a “New Russian”, as it were. - Strolled back up to find Joan still on the porch. So we talked some more. She mentioned more about the atrocities that had lived in this place before me. Horrible shit! Said that she'd encouraged Alden to contact me and not just take his time getting this place together so that I could move in! THEN she tells me that she was born in Middlebury... I'm not sure if she's a Vermonter, back then, that could have been the closest hospital to where-ever her folks were. But... here we go! More “Shit-hole”. I take due note. But tonight's chatting was a delight and she actually almost chuckled at points. And she commented on how quiet I am. Apparently, that's making quite the impression. (UN-like Biddy who, only this morning, said “Oh, I can hear you over there. But only when I'm in my bath-room. I know your routine with the curtains. I see them when they get opened so I know you're OK.” (Honestly... she TRULY is delusional... believing she's “mother” of the hamlet. Oh well... She's a bit of trouble but... Oh... almost forgot: she mentioned that she's a “photographer” and builds web-sites as well as working at the PO. She suggested I might try to find a little job at Stewart's in town. Says they're exceptionally flexible with hours. Then she gave me some “old” post-cards she'd had made up some time back. A photo of a barn that was, apparently, something in New Russia, but had to be torn down. And, I have to note, Joan has a small painting of it in her place as well. Personally, I don't see the attraction, but I guess it was quite large and unique in New Russia. OK.) - So the chat with Joan went EVER SO WELL today and she enjoyed the video and discussion about the monarchs. A good day over-all. - Of note too... Dorothy gave sister my numbers and recently (at about 22.00) sent word that she DID give the numbers and that sister said she'd “text”. Then she sent an 'advisory” to “keep it light”. I sent back MY “advisory” that I'm neither forgiving nor forgetting anything that happened in the past, just that I don't believe that she (sister) deserves such a shit existence, that she'd laughed whilst I was at her house and perhaps she can, at least, smile again at some point. No reply. I also said, clearly, that I don't want “shit” thrown into my life, that that's what those 3 are about and I mentioned “The best thing about phones these days is that we can 'block' if need be” and “let's hope need not be”. Still... no reply. We'll see where it goes from here. I've trepidations about it all but, as I say... there's always “block”... if need be. - And so, this all catches me up, as far as I can remember. - The shower makes the night nicer. I'm tired right now... no naps today. But it's already 23.18 again! Mayhaps I'll “treat” me to a “sleep-in” tomorrow. (Probably not... I have to check the water heater!) Dorothy asked that I call her (I've no intention). Sister might “text” or call. We shall see. And other than that? Nothing. Sunday, the sale prices hit at Tops. Eggs in particular. I want some black beans to go with the rice (and I'll be needing more of that soon enough... but not the same kind, to be sure. I need a bit of frying oil too and some bread crumbs. I don't know where the money's coming from but... we shall see. (I told Joan I'd fry the zucchini on Sunday.) - But for now... I've eaten the fukkitz that were supposed to be a meal. Having a ginger tea and... soon... TIME FOR BED! Another day is done... and too... another week. 12 more days til pay-day. (At least it's not 20 more days any longer.)

Sat.17.Aug: NOTE: POSTED MIMOU ON CRAIGSLIST THIS EVENING!!!
4:47 PM (16.47)
Jackie King Luce Choiniere (SMS)<18029880132.18023099499.hjTz2VSkN6@txt.voice.google.com>
Orientation is over it was Robin not Abbey from HomeInstead. I have had a difficult time since Thursday afternoon when I got home after the doctors appointments Minou meet me limping his left leg seem ed to be hurt I asked Jordan if he knew of anything happening to him je said no that he ran away from him. I left him in the house on Friday. Last we all went out for our night stroll I brought Minou back he spent the night on the couch. This morning I let him but then didn't see him I called & called no Minou a friend & I where suppose to open up the church this afternoon for a tour of Franklin Historical places as I didn't where Minou was I was (frown/tear emoji) she sent her husband down to help me look for him I had a feeling he was under the porch nut you know how that porch is. Anyways we looked all over & in the barn I came back to where I had put his little food dish & some of,the food was,gone so I said he under the porch well Don left & I sat,there shacking the snack container. He finally,came out & got,a little,food then went under the truck he was by the front,passenger whell so,I,for him & he is on the back,of rhe couch & will be in the houae till he goes,to the Vet on Monday He did eat a little of his favorite beef& liver. He really isn't well he is not purring.

0.07 can barely stay awake... YES! Here's hoping! SLEEP! - 8.38 and up and out of the bed at 8.00. Kettle on, dressed. (And noticing that I have a LOT of washing to do... because the shirts STINK of “box” and what-ever, I never washed all the “acquired” clothing... and now I must... but not today.) Quick sip of coffee and down to the cellar to find that the pilot is still lit! YAY! Better to know than not. - It's HOT out there! Humid too! Joan's going to have a “bad day”... me too. The re-smokes are taking their toll on the old lungs. But? But. - Nothing, really, on the agenda. But I'm sure there'll be something to fill the day. Not much though, if it stays this hot and humid. - And as I type, the Biddy arrives and... the day has officially commenced. Time for a sit-down-have-your-coffee. - 8.42 22° already and going up to 28°! Thankfully, no Humidex. Still... Humidity is already at 85%! It's going to be... “A DAY!”. - 18.03 JUST AS I WAS GETTING “MEAL” FROM THE STOVE COMES THE FUCKING MESSAGE FROM THE VT QUNT: “I'VE BEEN HAVING TROUBLE SINCE THURSDAY...” SHE TOOK OFF, AS USUAL, AND LEFT POOR MIMOU AT THE HOUSE WITH “JORDAN”. THAT NIGHT, MIMOU DISAPPEARED SO SHE LEFT HIS FOOD OUT. SAYS HE MUST HAVE COME AND HAD A LITTLE OF IT BUT WOULDN'T COME BACK IN THE HOUSE UNTIL TODAY WHEN HE APPEARED... LIMPING! SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIS LEFT LEG! FUCK! SHE CLAIMS SHE ASKED “JORDAN” WHERE MIMOU HAD GONE AND THE IDIOT SAID HE DIDN'T KNOW, THAT THE CAT JUST RAN AWAY FROM HIM! WELL OF COURSE HE DID! STUPID QUNT! NOW SHE SAYS SHE'LL BRING MIMOU TO THE VET ON MONDAY. GREAT! SO SHE GOT IT STRAIGHT IN THE FACE VIA RETURN. I SIMPLY SAID “YOU KNOW HE DOSN'T LIKE “NEW” PEOPLE.” AND HOW IT'S TYPCIAL OF HER TO BE “Madame Social” ALWAYS RUNING OFF LEAVING EVERYTHING BEHIND. NO SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY TO ANYTHING OR ANYBODY BUT HER. SAID I'LL SEE IF I CAN'T GET THE LAND-LORD HERE TO CHANGE HIS MIND ABOUT ME HAVING A CAT OR I'LL JUST NOTIFY THE SPCA. AND SO, I'VE RE-POSTED TO MY MINDS ACCOUNT AND FOOUND A NUMBER FOR “ANIMAL PROTECTION” IN LAMOILLE COUNTY. SADLY, THEY'RE NOT OPEN ON WEEK-ENDS BUT IF MY ANXIETIES AREN'T GONE BY MONDAY, I'LL JUST REPORT THE OLD SHIT-BAG AND SEE IF SOMEBODY CAN'T GET UP THERE AND GET HIM. I'VE NO DOUBT THEY'LL HAVE NO TROUBLE GETTING HIM A LOVING HOME. NOW I'M FEELING LIKE A COMPLETE BASTARD, HAVING LEFT HIM BEHIND. BUT SERIOUSLY, SHE'S SUCH A FUCKING SHIT-TWAT! OFF TO SOME “CHURCH” SOCIAL AND THE LIKES. FUCKING HYPOCRITE. “CHURCH” MY FUCKED ARSE-HOLE! I JUST WISH I COULD FIND A WORD, JUST ONE FUCKING WORD TO EXPRESS JUST HOW FUCKING LOW SHE IS... IN MY OPINION. BUT THERE ISN'T ANYTHING LOW ENOUGH, VULGAR ENOUGH TO COME CLOSE. JEEZUS KRISTE! IT'S BEEN ALMOST A MONTH AND SHE'S STILL FUCKING ABOUT! (IF I COULD FIGURE A WAY, I'D SEND A FUCKING LETTER TO HER “TLC” AND LET THEM KNOW JUST HOW FUCKING SELFISH AND IRREPOSNIBLE SHE ACTUALLY IS. FUCK. BUT THEN AGAIN... HER “EMPLOYERS” ARE THE SAME QUNTS SHE HAD WITH HOMEINSTEAD! KRISTE ONLY KNOWS WHAT “THEY” THINK OF HER. STILL... FUCK! IT TOOK ALL I HAD TO PUT ON “8 OUT OF 10 CATS COUNTDOWN” AND EAT THE FUCKING RICE-STUFF AND BREAD FOR THE ONE MEAL I GET A DAY! BOTTOM LINE? I'VE FUCKING BLOCKED HER FUCKING NUMBER. NO MORE FUCKING MESSAGES AND SHE CAN'T RING. IT'S TIME TO JUST GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER AND HER BULL-SHIT. IT'S MORE THAN I CAN TAKE! MAYBE A CALL TO “PAWS FOR THOUGHT” ON MONDAY MORNING TOO... ASK THEM TO TAKE MIMOU FROM HER. I'VE JOTTED IT ON THE AGENDA. I'LL GIVE IT A TRY. - It's been a sedate sort of day... nothing much to mention. Most of it spent sorting through image files... again. I'll NEVER get them done! - OH BUT WAIT!!!! THERE IS *** NEWS *** I'VE MET THE “ART” WHO USED TO LIVE HERE! HE SHOWED UP AT THE PO AS I WAS CHECKING FOR MY POST (and Jess gave me a package of whole-wheat Thomas' Enlgish Muffins... “They're free.” some woman in town shops the BYGO free and gives Jess the “Free”... obviously she doesn't like whole-wheat but hey... more something to eat at a time when I need it most). HE ARRIVED IN A TRUCK WITH VT PLATES AND I COMMENTED TO JESS. SHE STEPPED OUT AND RECOGNISED THE DRIVER AND THEN ART! SO I CHATTED WITH ART A BIT. HE, AND THE DRIVER BOTH SAID “YOU WON'T BE COLD. THE PLACE IS VERY WARM.” (Of course, neither of them seemed all too trust-worthy and the whole “VT” association does nothing in the way of making me believe either of them...) I MENTIONED HAVING TO RE-LIGHT THE WATER HEATER AND THE DRIVER SAYS “That air comes down the vent chimney and blows it right out.” YEAH? TYPICAL. BUT, AT LEAST I'VE MET “THE ART”. OLD GUY. SAID THE WORST BIT ABOUT THE “RE-HAB” (NURSING HOME) WAS THAT THEY WOULDN'T LET HIM OUT. BOTTOM LINE: NOW I HAVE A PERSON TO PUT WITH THE NAME AND... I move on. - Got a message from Dorothy this morning saying that she was busy this morning helping Chet with something and to call her this after-noon. I didn't. Haven't heard/seen from sister either. Didn't expect to. Almost relieved I haven't. Oh well. Instead, I get the SHIT from the FUKLIN QUNT! - Well well well well... it's raining. Been raining for a couple of hours now. Turning to evening. I have to roll a couple more smokes for tonight and get the dishes out of the way. Other than that... FUCK ME! I BLOCKED THAT OLD SHIT-BAG ONCE BEFORE... I SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT AT THAT! BUT... MONDAY MORNING... THERE ARE OPTIONS. AND WHAT A CHARMING LITTLE BIT OF SOMETHING SHE'LL GET WHEN THE VET MENTIONS MY CALL. FUCKING SHIT-BAG! (AND MAYBE I'LL THROW IN HALLIE'S ILLNESSES FROM THE LUMP TO THE LAKE INFECTIONS... “IRRESPONSIBILITY”.) - But I got so damned depressed, that I set my sights on Monday and I got my-self un-dressed... FUCK!

22.01 WELL YES, I'VE POSTED MIMOU ON CRAIGSLIST (under “atelierqcvt... Vermont, Community, Pets) JUST NOW, WITH BOTH HER MOBILE AND HOUSE NUMBERS! “RE-HOMING FEE” MENTIONED AND 2 PHOTOS OF HIM. I'VE BLOCKED HER FUCKING NUMBER FROM MY PHONE SO SHE CAN'T CALL OR TEXT. SO IF SHE GETS BENT OUT OF SHAPE, SHE'LL JUST HAVE TO COPE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF HER SELFISHNESS. It might not be my particular place to attend to this matter, but I'll be DAMNED if she's going to simply toddle about like she's got NOTHING but herself to deal with. She does constantly mention all her “tribulations” with the fucks at “Howard” and how it bothers her so much that she's got the situation going into “arbitration”. But I see it as: she's got a fucking UNION backing her up with that shit. Yes, I'm sure it's financially difficult for her, the dog, the cat... but I tried to get her into a position where she could have easily retired-out, lived on her soc.sec. and the rent she's getting from that shit-bag (after I did a 9-page lease for her, stressed checking on his back-ground, and kept telling her to figure the oil, propane and electric in the rent and STILL she fucked me off). So? Now it's a matter of not bothering with the one who won't bother and try my best to help the one who is loving, caring and in need of love in return. Maybe it's because I'm too sensitive to being “tossed aside”... as was the case when I went back to The City where “open arms and warm welcomes” never happened. But fukkit... FUKKIT! NOW... if she gets the calls, she'll know I'm not fucking about with her any longer. And if she wants a fight? Well... let her come the 100 miles to do battle. I've reached the end of my patience with her and her ilk. Hopefully, some kindly, single person with a magnificent heart and a kind, warm, loving, caring home will get to her. Cubby and Shadow found a most BEAUTIFUL home, when Bob and Randy dumped them. I can only hope, with every bit of cellular energy left in my body and soul that the same kind of person will find this advert and come rescue “my little man”. I want to vomit now.

I'm really tired of this shit. Just so bloody-fucking tired of it! It's my own fault. But I will, when I can, see what Alden might have to say about bringing him here. It'll be difficult for him because he won't be able to get out and about. And it'll be difficult for me too, making sure he has all that he needs. But, I DID check on-line earlier, about a job at Stewart's and yes, YES! They DO have listings for wants for folks in E-Town! So... Fate willing, Monday morning, I'll “do me up” and head into town. By then, I'll be in need of smokes and food so... I'll wiz by (truck willing) and apply in person. A few hours per week should be fine... and if Mimou comes here? Surely he'll be OK, knowing that I'm around. And we'll spend good time together because, well, I have the time to give him. And with the help of the Heavens, we'll both have a wonderful life together. (Yes, it puts me out of my “Home to die”, but maybe we'll “go” together too. Or, I'll find a better home for him here. MAYBE I can get him over his fear of people. Maybe New Russia is what we BOTH need.) - Meanwhile, I'm pondering a “beverage” before bed tonight. There's only a splash of cranberry in the fridge. I have to be careful because of the kidneys. But I certainly could use SOMETHING to help with getting to sleep tonight and I'm already beyond my “bed at 9”. - I was going to go into town tomorrow for eggs and such. I might have to put that off or part with the last of the 5s (both of them). We shall see. It's really all about the truck and what it will put up with. - Anyway... off for some sort of “diversion” for a while. I DO feel a bit better having posted. If nothing else, that old QUNT will see that I'm not fucking around with her and her bull-shit any longer. Besides... she's “Vermont” and surely, but now, it's obvious how lowly I think of THAT! - As strange as it actually sounds, I can't help but think: When I needed somebody to help me find a “home”, nobody bothered. They KNEW I was with-out and yet thought nothing of having me “check into” the Shelter. At least I'm LOOKING for a suitable HOME for the “little man”. It's MUCH more than ANYBODY'S EVER done for me. - 23.09 Just going through some e-mail accounts I see she replied quite quickly to my message to her about asking if I can bring him here or I'll find some caring home for him: Says she “No I'm taking care of him.” FUCK YOU QUNT! In YOUR fashion which is “Only When And How It's Convenient For And To Me”. Oh well... let's see how the advert/posting turns out. - 23.27 With all the bull-shit today (gee... and NOT from sister, imagine that) I HAD to get the on-line Journals posted so... That's done... and I'm having a “beverage”. So-fucking-there!

Sun.18.Aug:
ONE MONTH AGO TODAY, AT 16.00 EXACTLY, I ROLLED INTO TOWN, TO THE FRONT OF THIS LITTLE HOVEL, UN-LOADED THE TRUCK AND OFFICIALLY MADE NEW RUSSIA MY “NEW HOME”!!! ONE MONTH AGO...

0.55 Slowly finishing my beverage. Have been out for a rollie but might just go for another before bed. Got a wonderful reply from Minds on my “rant” to her (Linda, I believe) about Mimou. She said to let Morrisonville (the alleged “animal protection”) know that if THEY won't do something to help, SHE'll go fetch Mimou! So I posted a link to the listing on Crgslst on Minds! “I'm taking care of him”? Yeah? Here's your chance to prove it. Your kids hate you... Gee... I don't wonder why. - Anyway, the beverage might help a bit tonight. I can only hope. It's really a good thing the truck is fucking up. I'd probably get in and drive over there now to get Mimou. I'm feeling horribly guilty now for having left him there. I'm feeling responsible for his injuries. She's a moron, selfish, useless, qunty moron and I knew that. But there was some bit in me that felt she loved animals so much more than she tolerated people. Her selfishness is obviously the ruling factor in her existence. Well... “Fate” and “Karma” tend to attend these matters and for the suffering of their little critters... we shall see. - For now, the beverage is done and I should be too. Perhaps I'll have that last “smoke” tonight. Tomorrow? Well... 11 more days until money comes in (and rolls out). Let's see... let's just see. These re-smokes are obviously building in my lungs. Hey! Maybe I'll be “checked-out” before the week's out! Who can tell? - 8.17 on “8.18” as it were. and up and dressed and coffee pressed and just waiting... coffee, smoke and the market's open at 8.00. 18 eggs 1,49$. Let's only just hope. Let's only just. - I'll check the météo and soc.med. meanwhile. Nice to know there won't be any “messages” from the old qunt. And I doubt there'll be any from “The Valley” or “the South”. So? So... a day. - 11.28 OUT and BACK by 11.20! MADE IT! All that anxiety... as usual. And I've Hoovered the place as well. Oddly enough, I left shortly after Joan left and she came back very shortly after I returned. In fact, she came in JUST as I was finishing the Hoovering. Anyway, got the eggs, oil, crumb for the zucchini tonight. No beans. Just short of that on the FS card. But... I'm not complaining. AND a pack of smokes. the “99s” though. Oh well... better than re-smokes and better than nothing at all. Oh, AND an application for Stewart's which I will complete this evening as well. Now? I want to get the leaves out of the entrance to the cellar today and then? And then... the day will roll along. I'm just relieved to have gotten into town and back. Yes, and too, stopped in at Aubochon's for “L brackets”... almost 4$ EACH! They can scratch. And I can wait a little longer for the window sills. - On with the rest of this day. - 12.57 2 English muffins, peanut-butter, muffins fried in the skillet which has been a great experience, no sticking, a bit of corn oil and... slurp of coffee and to the cellar to “clean”! (God help us all!) - 14.57 THE BASEMENT IS CLEANED! QUARTER TANK OF OIL CONFIRMED. “ACCOMPLISHMENT” OF THE DAY! TWO “ACCOMPLISHMENTS” OF THE DAY! (Now, let's see how the zucchini turns out later.) - It's MISERABLY HOT AND HUMID AGAIN TODAY! BUT... no complaints. I'm not freezing. So all's fairly well. - But I'm tired, and a bit “out of sorts”. Seems I get a notion, reach for something, forget what I was reaching for or reach for something entirely different. Just the brain, scrambled (speaking of which... I HAVE EGGS for eating the next couple of days). Mimou is very much on the brain. I have to wonder if anybody's phone the old qunt in response to the advert posted. IF anybody does, THAT should teach her that there are people in this world who will NOT allow and enable her in her self-serving existence. Now, tomorrow will be another “trial”... see how I feel when I get up. There's the “Animal Protection” and the vet to call. Again, we'll see how I feel in the morn. - I wish I had Montreal radio here. A little of that would be most welcome. But the silence isn't too bad... the little there is. Route 9 is quite busy today. One might think we're on the route to some-where. Damned shame I don't feel like going to the falls. But... oh well. - Tonight I'll need a shower. Thankfully I checked the water heater and the pilot is on. Next week it's the decision: New gas tank or oil for the furnace. I've a feeling it's going to be the gas. Then, I'll have to get down to the cellar again to clean that pilot thingie. Ah... “a little place in the Adirondacks”. Got it. - 17.55 And I started the COOKING (the frying of) the squash at about 16.30. You'd never know from the looks of this kitchen. Of COURSE you wouldn't. THIS is the way cooking is SUPPOSED to be! Clean kitchen after the meal. AND, I MUST say, the zucchini turned out not half bad at all! In fact, I brought over about 6 slices to Joan, the best of them, of course, and she said “That looks good!” So, we shall see how she likes (or not) the flavour. (It's really all in the bread crumbs and I used “4C”... they've got cheese in them.) And so, for “meal” this evening... shit. Fried zucchini and a “fritter” of the left-over breading. AND, it was quite filling as well. So now... a tea or cup of hot water to wash it all down. Licorice tea it is, because I've just made one. - One thing to commit to memory at all times: Joan was born in VT... and tonight, again, she showed it. I half-jokingly commented that I'm learning how to cook on an electric range. “Oh, I hate them.” says she, and I looked round to see that she has one as well. “I was thinking”, I said, jokingly, “of sneaking in a gas range.” and her response was, seriously, “You'd never get away with that under Alden's watch. You'd be on an eviction.” Oh fuck off, really. First of all, I was joking. (Mostly because I wouldn't invest in such a thing for this place... not only because it's not mine but because, as it happens, I'm only here to be able to die on “home turf”... the sooner the better, thank you much, but also because... I wouldn't invest such an expense in this place anyway. Were it a legitimate flat and such, off the main road, in a nicer house, second or top floor... perhaps. But certainly NOT here!) Secondly, I don't know that I'll be here any length of time to make such a thing worth the investment and, to be honest, Winter will tell the “all” anyway. I'm not thrilled about the hot water situation to begin with, I'm certainly not thrilled about the animals that gather at the post office every morning with their evil spore bouncing about (and then there was the lollipop left on the porch yesterday). I'm not thrilled about being left with a cellar of shit and spider webs that I cleaned today. So? So. But, she's a “Vermonter” and they've all sorts of retardation and responses to “life” in general that just aren't... well... human. So... there we have it. - At least I managed to finish a smoke on the porch after meal. - Were it not so fucking hot and humid, I might take a stroll, a bit later, down to the river... either the bridge or to the “bend” off the 9. That's to be seen. Right now, I want to relax, have my tea, watch something on-line and ponder tonight's shower which I need, after that time in the basement. That's that. - 22.41 Showered, hot and humid. In from a smoke. It's warm and humid out there tonight. No rain, and the road is drying. But the humidity is quite high. - Not a single correspondence today. No text messages, calls... nothing. Hey! Silence! No complaints. There's been no bull-shit! - BUT... there's a new user on the old Nbg Voy. Maybe the thing will pick up now? I doubt it but... there we have it. - Having my hot water before bed now. I think I'm looking forward to getting to bed. I did have a nap today, hopefully it won't interfere with the night. Time will tell. - Soc.med. with hot water and... to bed. Tomorrow? Just the application for Stewart's and pondering the calls about Mimou. It's gnawing at my heart! Literally. - 23.54 Well... water's done, so too, soc.med. A few more drags on a real smoke and off to bed! I'm actually tired enough to fall asleep at the kitchen table. If I had that futon in the living-room...

Mon.19.Aug: 8.23 Clothes in to soak. I'm dressed. Coffee's pressed. Just in from about 4 drags of a smoke. It's clearing o'er the mountains but the roads are wet and it's a warm one this morn. - A NIGHT FROM HELL!!! I WAS STILL AWAKE AT 4.00 THIS MORNING. JUST COULD NOT GET TO FUCKNG SLEEP! until about 4.00 this morning. No particular reason. I just wouldn't fall asleep. Up to pee, a couple of spasms. It went on like that all through the night! And at 7.57 I decided that it was time to get up out of the bed that looks like somebody went in search of something in the bed-sheets! PARTY! So the “sleep” I DID get wasn't at all “restful”. I'm doing “OK” at the moment, but, to be certain, there's quite a “nap” to come at some point during this day. I seriously doubt I'll make it through with-out falling-off at some point. But it truly was A NIGHT FROM HELL last night. - And now? Not sure what to “attack”. No shopping. No errands. The place is “in order”, though, for some reason, it smells of “cellar/attic” this morning. “We can't like that.” Not at all. Oh well. Surely this day too, will roll along until... until... until... If nothing else, there's lavage to be done. “Something”. - 12.02 DONE! By 11.23 lavalge was done, on the rack in the shower and I stepped out to check today's post. THE ROLLER ARRIVED! C'EST VITE! AND I HAVE 5 RE-SMOKE ALREADY ROLLED! I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN ONE OF THESE THINGS YONKS AGO! ILS ONT SPIFFY! FRANCHEMENT! (I've been listening to CBC all morning. French is in the head.) - Along with la machine, a letter confirming my “phone interview” on Thursday, with the wrong phone number. (Hopefully this is not indicative of bull-shit? I mean, the name “Cindy” isn't bad enough, she's also a “Heald”, the funeral parlour in VT. Then then number is wrong. I'm NOT feeling “comforted”. But, it will be what it will be. I'll be screwed. I've no doubt.) - And a bill from “AAA” for 120$! So there goes that next week. New gas and AAA and I still have to have the signals repaired on the truck! Oh well... as I keep telling my-self: One of these days, all of these expenses will settle. I'm just pissed because, once upon a time, I had 6 months' rent saved... then I got the truck, then came the repairs, many of which have to be RE-done. Oh... c'est ma vie. Vraiement, franchement... c'est ma vie. - And now, all things settle for the day. Let's see where the rest of it goes. Actually, I can't believe how quickly it went from 8.00 to noon. - ”NATURESPIRIT” on Minds, posted a reply to my reply to her of the week-end. She's offered to go get Mimou! Says she has other cats in the house but he'll have his own little spot in her home. I believe she's got a large place and has created an “apartment” for the other cats in it. But, according to her, Mimou will get his own bit of the rest of the house. Now I'm toying with the notion of sending an e-mail to the old qunt to tell her that, should he be such a terrible inconvenience to her, somebody will come get him and take him off her shoulders. I jut have to figure the verbiage. Nothing particularly “insulting”, but to the point. I shall continue to ponder... She can't send word on today's visit to the vet because I've got her “messaging” blocked. Let's see what comes of it. She's got the fucking phone number to call. She's got an e-mail address to send word. Selfish qunt probably won't bother with either. (I need to get the “edge” off before I make any further attempts on this, meanwhile, I'm comforted to know that somebody will make the effort to rescue the little man.) - OK... on with this day. Left-over squash for “meal” tonight. With what? I've no idea at the moment. But there's 5 hours between now and then. And I'm sure I'll find something(s) to fill the rest of the day. It's hot again... humid again... I'm not complaining at all... Laundry got done with sufficient hot water. Yay. The little things in life. - Pondering phoning or sending word to Dorothy about her having passed along my numbers to sister. Pondering. There appears to be a lot of that... pondering. - 14.56 Snooze time! As a bit of a breeze blows in via the back door. I'm exhausted. Had peanut-butter on English muffin. - 23.08 Before I get into the rest of the day I just want to note: As I'm sitting here at the table: Suddenly, there's a chilled draft coming across the floor and the temperature in this place is dropping! I checked météo... they claim 22° presently but dropping to 14°! Well! Indeed! It's dropping even as I type! It's almost incredible! And a bit freaky. One thing I will say at this moment: THANKFULLY I'VE CLEANED THE STOVE! If need be, I've NO problem putting it on to take out the chill! - Meanwhile... - 24.24 (I'm not closing the day until I've closed the day.) - “Meal” at 17.00 was th left-over zucchini, warmed and served with 2 scrambled eggs. COOKING! - But the FUN bit was, just as I'd started to cook, the phone rings. Dorothy! So we chatted a little bit whilst I continued to cook and eat. Just chatting. Nothing much. It was WONDERFUL! But I had to eat whilst we spoke. I was having a HOT meal! So unusual! And the talking helped make it better. - After, I took my newly-rolled re-smokes and went for a stroll down to the bridge where I got a rather nice video of the sparkle on the water. When I came back, I converted it to a “GIF” to say “Thank you” to Linda for offering to get Mimou! (I've since looked at her channel and if what I see are photos of her house... it's BEAUTIFUL!) Well, I posted it, and she noticed it and sent the nicest messages back. We spent a bit of time corresponding tonight. Really wonderful, and comforting. Then she mentioned something about having to get things together for a fair or something and mentioned having grass-fed beef cows. I commented and she returned with a link to a web-site... THEIR FARM! AND THEY SHIP! AND THEIR PRICES AREN”T AT ALL TERRIBLE! They're in Rochester VT, South-East of Montpelier and such. But still... good beef, delivered, good prices. Yes indeed... it looks like I'll be “shopping” next week! If not merely for the beef, but to support somebody who's been SO kind to me and cares about Mimou! AND... speaking of such... on one of my previous posts where I'd “introduced” Mimou to the audience and told the story of my heart-ache, some guy actually posted tonight: “3 weeks and no up-date”... Not sure where he is but he told me that “if the little guy still needs a partner in crime, just send the word”. ANOTHER somebody on Minds to help with Mimou! I don't know where this will all end up but WOW! “My little man” has FANS! And SUPPORTERS! And PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT HIM! I AM impressed! (And some-what comforted!) - And meanwhile... It was about 23.00 or so when SUDDENLY... A COLD DRAFT CROSSED THE KITCHEN FLOOR AND UNDER THE TABLE AND ON MY LEGS! Météo claimed it was 22°, that it's supposed to drop to 14 tonight but... BUT... it MUST have dropped severely in a matter of mere moments just then because the change in temperature in the house was sudden and drastic! In fact, the house crackled and thumped with the sudden change. And all I'll say is as I've already said: THANK THE GODS THAT THE STOVE IS CLEAN! (And yes, I seriously need to get curtains for the living-room windows, something a bit heavier for the bed-room AND RADIATORS... OIL... PROPANE! And I NEED to do so BEFORE the “drops” in temperature become the “normal” temperatures! - Well... 24.41 and that covers the day... Time to move on to “tomorrow”. I'm tired again, had a 30-minute nap today and should be worse than just tired. But I've got a feeling tonight's gonna be another last night.

Tue.20.Aug: 0.44 Off to bed. I've had more than enough. Now... for hope and prayers. - HAH! - 7.20 and been “up” from since 6.15. Why? Not a clue. But it seemed, at the moment, a good thing to do. So I did. And “done” since? Well, I'm almost through coffee. I am dressed. (It is 15° out there and thankfully not cold in here.) Been watching and waiting for Alvin and Vivian to get finished putting the kayak on Viv's vehicle so she can roll up (or down) the road and I can step out for my morning half-smoke. To think: paying rent, bills and the likes at my age and it's the same old shit as it was when I was a kid... sneaking a smoke. It truly MUST stop... but I shall endeavour to wait... just a little bit longer. MEANwhile this morn... let's see what we can see out way clear to do with another day. Eh? - Fuck. - 10.10 BACK FROM THE BASEMENT WHERE... AGAIN... RE-LIGHTING THE FUCKING WATER HEATER!! THIS TIME, 3 DAYS. What I SO enjoy is Ms. Biddy, seeing me with the lighter, asks “Did you tell Alden?” Why, no, I haven't. But then YOU seem to be in such almost regular contact with him, could wait to get on the horn about the lawn-mowing... But no matter... “This too shall pass.” and eventually, all will be... mundane... sooner or later. - Right now, I'd like a quick smoke... but just waiting for the folks to depart. Hey... Alvin was at the PO when I stopped by and Biddy mentioned the water heater to him. Maybe? (Never mind.) We had a lovely chat about the trails in the mountains and such. Seemed to be OK. But... “seemed”. - Now... on with the rest of the day. Fukkit. - 20.29 Another “passed” day of pretty much nothing to note other than a brief “walk-through” but Joan this morning after she'd visited the post office. “Let me see this house.” she said, and headed into the open front door. “So? What do you think? Am I taking good care of the place?” I asked. “Alden would approve.” she replied. WHAT-ever. But the common notion about the water heater is “Have you called Alden?” Biddy asked Alvin “Is that normal?” Alvin confirmed it's not then commented on “It means you're getting gas and then you're not getting gas.” (I saw him and his Vivian pass down Simonds Hill earlier. They stopped, looked into the cellar... I'd left the door open all day to “air” and dry a bit down there in this heat... and I heard him say something about “calling him”. I wonder: was it *I* who should “call him” or will he, Alvin, “call him”, Alden? We'll find out soon enough, I'm sure.) - And that was the “excitement” of the day. - I got a 30-minute snooze in... not really a restful sleep, but a “lie-down”. Does no good, except for the moments directly after. - “Meal” today was 7 chicken fukkits, 2 eggs, scrambled, a touch of flour in the eggs, some green beans. Glass of sugar water after. Am having hot water as I type. This is NOT “nourishment”. Thursday will tell whether or not this will improve. - Completed the application for Stewarts. I HATE those things. “List your employers”. That's really made for 18-year-olds or the likes. But, I did what I could. USPS and the consulting. Covered me back to 1991. I can fill-in the details and particulars if I get an interview. Put in hours of noon-21.00. I CAN work 20 hours per week even at a 15$ wage and still not have to be concerned about Soc.Sec. So that's nice. An additional 200$ per week would be 600 per month and that would he a great help (cover a brake job anyway). - OH AND received a curt e-mail from HLS the Qunt today:
8.10 (this morning)
Yes I understand your concern for Minou. He is at the Vet's. it's nothing that I've neglected to do. the Vet thinks he has an abases, which as she says he probably got from any other cat either scratch or bite, so I'm just waiting for a call today,  I'll do what ever needs doing to make him well again and will have to keep him in the house more or find out when the neighbors let Jack out. so at this time I will let you if I need any help. thank again!
I replied at 10.37
Thanks for the up-date. Ah, another "abscess". Gee. From any other cat. Fascinating. The offer from the woman in Rochester remains open, should attitudes/"abscesses" change. I'm glad to be able to be of help. >br /> DumbQunt. AND... that Mimou had to STAY at the vet's? Poor little man! And that she has the fucking bloody audacity to claim “nothing that I've neglected”. She actually IS a bloody retard! But... the advert is still on Crgslst. Let people phone her. (How I DO HOPE they do!) And Linda has been notified. Let's see what, if any, further word I receive. If nothing by end of day tomorrow, I'll ring the vet m'self and proceed from there. If the “report” from the vet isn't satisfactory, I'll simply notify HLS that I've taken it upon m'self to arrange “better living quarters”. And FUCK HER AND HER ILK! - I have to let it go right now... at this hour of the day. - Earlier this morning, Dorothy sent me a photo of Oma, Opa, Gene and Mum... an old sepia. It was obviously under some sort of glass, the reflections were visible, and it had a smaller photo in the corner. I worked it, got the “photo” out, repaired a tear, took out the reflections and sent the re-work back to Dorothy. No comment. I was supposed to phone her today but didn't. The day just slips away some-how. - And now... the cellar door is closed, as are the shades. It's warm in here tonight. I'm a bit “humid”. I MIGHT just be in bed before mid-night! I'm going to try! (Still not sure why.) - Oh... “budgeted” for Wednesday next already. Bleak. Not “destitute” but bleak. Indeed, let's hope for a FEW hours at Stewarts. (I'm a little nervous about it... old man, new face... But, even if I can manage a month, it would be a great help... with gas, oil, truck... &c.) - 23.25 Just looking for Mimou and Hallie foods on-line (as if I can afford to do such a thing but, better them than... me?). And have had last smoke. Ate the cuke Joan gave me. There's precious little in here to eat. A dozen eggs, 2 “glasses” of rice (which, when cooked as I did, with the frozen veggies, could possibly make 6 meals), flour... and the beef that has to be cut up tomorrow. And then? That's it! (There IS about 35USD in the CIBC account though.) Anyway... I'm heading to bed now. I should have been there already but it was that sudden “Hey! Pet food!” notion. - And so, the day is done and so am I. It's been “a ride”... And Mimou at the vet's. I wonder WHAT in the FUCK she's done to him! “Abscess”... my fucking arse-hole!

Wed.21.Aug: (1 more week to hold out on now.) - 7.16 GETTING to sleep was difficult. My brain wouldn't go into “Shut Down”, and it was another one of “those” experiences where, even though my eyes were closed, I could still “see” the room. And thoughts bouncing, Mimou and the fact that she hates him because he loves me so. Biddy and Joan BOTH... women AND from that shit-hole across the lake. Repairs on the truck. Surviving through this week. Expenses... What-ever. And then? Sleep! And then? THEN? Awake at 4-something! And THEN? A pee and back to bed. And THEN?
DREAM: It was, of course, a DARK dream. I wasn't “Homeless” but I was in a different town, a different some-place, other than where I should have been. Visiting? Stuck? Something, some place “not right”. I was with some woman I knew, “sister”, perhaps. I knew her, but not “well”. I didn't know anybody in this place. As we were going about, together, for what-ever the reason, I felt the caps MOVE! So I headed to a loo, either in her house or in some shopping mall situation to check them. When I got to the mirror, THEY WERE LOOSE! They'd started SEPARATING! THE CAPS ON THE FRONT TEETH SEPARATED! The old space was back! In a frantic effort to “secure” them, I'd found (and I don't know where or how I found it, but it wasn't one of the many I carry round with me for the bottom teeth) a some-what “old”, white rubber band and I HAD TO CAREFULLY, AND METHODICALY WRAP IT ROUND THE CAPS SO THAT IT KEPT THEM TOGETHER AND ATTACHED TO OTHER TEETH TO KEEP THEM FROM SIMPLY FALLING OUT! THEY WERE BARELY HANGING ONTO THE “STUMPS” OF TEETH IN MY HEAD AND EVEN THOSE WERE LOOSE! As I worked on the front teeth, I caught a glimpse of the inside of my mouth. It seemed the entire PALLET was “loose”, moving! No pain. But it was HIDEOUS to see! In a bit of a “controlled panic”, having temporarily “secured” the caps, I went to this woman and told her that I needed some sort of emergency intervention, I needed a dentist who could put the caps back on. She didn't seem to be concerned about it at all, and we went on about HER business and errands, what-ever they were. She (and I) stopped into a little “store” in this “mall” where she chatted with a receptionist at some counter, and she was filling-out some forms, giggling and laughing with the young girl at the counter. I sensed it was some kind of “medical” and “massage therapy” sort of affair and I grew increasingly anxious because of my teeth, wondering why this woman just didn't give a shit about my situation after I'd asked for assistance. But some-how I suspected that the forms she was completing were to get me to a dentist there, in that office. I didn't have insurance, didn't have money enough for anything involved. I didn't even belong in that place. But, I waited as she laughingly completed the forms, joking with the younger gal. All the while, I could feel the front teeth wobbling. That rubber band on them wasn't securing them. And I wondered about the pallet. Why was THAT moving about as well? I was expected to be some-where, to talk with some-body that day. A job? An interview of some sort? It wasn't quite clear but there was some reason why I needed to have my teeth in my face! I woke... it was 7.01.
Fucking horrific way to wake to a cloudy morn! But, I had to pee, so I got up, went to pee, put the kettle on and got dressed. May as well. I'm up. - 7.30 In from a porch-smoke and JUST as I decided it was enough, Alvin came round his house. This “hiding” needs to stop. I'm getting a bit sick and tired of this. After all, I'm taking most excellent care of this place. I've paid the rent for the full month of July and August, plus there's the “last month” paid. 3 months' rent paid. The utilities are in MY name. Windows are washed, some caulked, keeping tabs on the water heater, “cleaned” the cellar... AND had a “walk-through” from Joan who said “Alden would approve.” Although, to be honest, her word's about as good as Jacquie's. “Women”. I often recall Bob (Bender) and his comment “When I think of it, ALL of the MAJOR shit in my life has involved a woman.” For me... true, that. I shouldn't suppose the Vermont dilemma should be singled-out. Women and shit... even in The City... ALL through life. But it just doesn't settle my nerves any, knowing that there are TWO women in close proximity (Biddy and Joan) and BOTH are... Vermonters! Then, there's Biddy's Rob... NBG! NOT the greatest of humanity either. (Though, in fairness, I should consider: he's not still there... so, just as I left, separating my-self from it, he has too. Still...) - Enough of that. - As for the DREAM, I have to wonder now. “Teeth” falling out is, according to superstition, the death of some-one close. The first to come to mind: MIMOU! Dorothy reminds me of Bernadette, and SHE, as that recounting goes, got into the car, drove off, had a heart attack. THAT would figure: get in touch with Dorothy after all these years and... And where MIMOU is concerned, it wouldn't surprise if I received some sort of “e-mail” (she hasn't the guts nor the sense to phone... which is probably best anyway) telling “He was just too bad.” THAT would serve HER purpose quite well, indeed. OR... it's simply a matter of the clench-guard having moved in my mouth, or maybe I WAS clenching in my sleep. Well, as it is with all things and matters... Time will tell and these events too, shall pass. We shall see. And other such applicable clichés. - 7.56, sitting at table, wearing the green fleece. Having coffee. And the “rush” rolls along on the 9 out-side. Other-wise, it's cloudy, not cold, just “cool”. Agenda today? Well, there's the beef and rice to be cooked for “meals”. Not sure what else, but I'm certain there will be SOMETHING to roll this day into night and, at 23.00, I'll be sitting here with something else that I “simply must check before getting to bed”. Oh well... we shall, indeed, see, when this day too, comes to a close. - 12.07 AND... the hems have been put into the loo curtains. Yes, it was a royal pain, but yes, it DOES look a LOT better, top and bottom. - AND just finished rolling 6 re-smokes. That little “machine”” makes it all the easier. I should have gotten one a LONG time ago. Now, if only the tobacco was “clean”. THAT would make a WORLD of difference (and be a lot less harmful to the breathing). - I've also washed 7 t-shirts, now hanging on the rack in the shower. I doubt they'll be out today, since it's been raining, there are clouds hanging in the mountain valleys. But they're washed. The “Cecil” shirts won't come white. But, they're there. That's what matters. Winter's coming and they'll just be under a few layers anyway... or rotting on my corpse, 'neath the old pines - This morning, Joan went to the market and when she came back, I was rinsing the shirts. “What are you listening to?” So I told her “Cajun.” Helped her bring in her groceries and she told me that from 72-80-something, she DJed a “country” AM radio station out of Plattsburgh! Imagine DAT! So Country music is OK to play. But Cajun ruled the morning. - Now? To check e-mails and then get on with tonight's “meal” cooking. The steak is thawed on the counter and I'm rather ready to roll. (Actually, I'm ready to nap, but...) - I'm dreading any word from the old thing in VT. But, best to check and know... not that I expect to receive any further word from her anyway. - 12.20 WORD ON MIMOU!!!
at 9.16: “Minou is back home surgery was successful. he's finally eating had good breakfast, but wants out, he can't go out, he goes back to have the bandage off on Friday. thank for your help.”
My reply:
“Thank you, sincerely, for letting me know. And for all it's worth, thank YOU, for helping him. Poor little critter. He's gone through such Hell and yet stays so loving. Surely he's much happier being back "home" with "his people" AND his big sister. Trump-YUGE HUGS ALL round!”
And so, the rain returns, the house is quiet. Must post the up-date on Minds... since there are people following the story. WHAT a bloody relief! - 14.45 Dinners are on and some sort of “bread” is in for the first rise... IF it rises at all, considering I dropped an egg and some sugar into the bowl, then added about a half-packet of yeast to it, threw in some flour and kneaded. Covered the ball with coconut oil and tossed it onto the stove (not ON), covered and am leaving it for a while. What's to come of it is anybody's guess. But, I'll bake it... one way or another. - 18.02 “Meal”, done. Dishes, done. The skillet got a second “seasoning” whilst the “bread” baked. And THAT? Well... it's a small loaf but not bad at all. I've had 3 slices wid budduh. And... not bad at all. It did rise... a bit, just enough to call it “bread”. And so anyway... Watched The Five whilst eating and not listening to Alvin and Vivian chatting with Joan on her back porch. - The rains have gone, the sun is out. Time for me to try for a quick-smoke. Then? I dunno. But I HAVE TO BE IN BED AT A CIVIL HOUR TONIGHT... I'VE AN 8.30 “INTERVIEW” TOMORROW MORNING FOR... FS! - 21.57 OK. Had a mug of “Nighty Nite” tea. HOPEFULLY it'll help KEEP me asleep until 6.00 (which is when I'd LIKE to get up for the day... RESTED and REFRESHED!). Did the soc.med. Had 2 “tranches” of bread with coconut oil spread (that'll probably “clean me out”). It was actually quite nice. I'm getting used to this coconut oil nonsense. Good thing I've got plenty more. - And tonight I can sleep, knowing Mimou is “home”, to sleep on HIS bed (where-ever that may be). And tomorrow? Well... “the anniversary”... 31 years ago... and still so fresh in the memory. And the “interview” for FOOD! IF it goes well, perhaps I'll “celebrate” with a trip into town for something more to eat... if I can find a card with the funds. Or? I'll just pass another day. I've been working on all the photos I've taken. THAT is a project unto itself. I should stop taking so many. But I probably won't. - A quiet day, all told. Delightful. And tonight, not cold, which is wonderful, and not miserably hot either. I'd thought of “Monday, Wednesday, Friday Showers” but seriously, it's not necessary tonight. I'll have to get down to check and perhaps “clean” that water heater pilot. Then, when there's 50 gallons of propane, showers will be more enjoyable... not that I truly “need” one. But it would feel better. Anyway.... time to wrap this day up and head for bed. Here's hoping... for rest.

Thu.22.Aug:31 Years... I remember when I turned 31 years of age! 1986. Settled, already, in The Bronx. Completely removed from the “home” I'd grown up in, the relatives who others saw as my “family”. I remember thinking: “31. Completely removed from the rest of them. Completely responsible for my own actions and existence. No 'reflection' on anybody else. 'Over 30'. An actual 'adult'.” I was removed... then... And now? I'm SO FAR removed that there truly isn't ANY connection at all... I'm ready to “go”. It'll be quiet. And nobody will know.
Addendum at 12.56: FS, Medicaid, Avery, Water Heater: DONE!
6.26 RELIGHT THE WATER HEATER: 9.10JUST BACK UP AND IN FROM SO-DOING. Today, I'll ring Alden about it. - And so, I was awake before the “6.00” alarm and decided to just get up. Why not? But it's a grey morning. Much fog hanging about the trees and in the sky. A touch on the “dark” side. August is rolling away, September is rolling in and with it, darker mornings. So, at 5.47, the kettle was on for coffee. That's when I discovered “tepid” water. Alas. It was the “change in the weather” what put the pilot out. Oh well. - Tired? Indeed. Not so much “tired” as “not 'refreshed'”. I put the light out, after reading half of “Brokeback Mountain”, at about 23.11, laid there for what seemed, the longest. Not sure when I finally got to sleep. But woke with the old SPASMS... they're mostly in the feet these days. But no matter where they are, they're painful and they wake and keep awake. “Time”, for me, is rolling away. - But there's coffee made, the sink light is on, the pilot is re-lit and at 8.30, I can only hope the phone rings. Shame, really, that they don't do here as they do “there” (VT), give a number and a time and tell ME to call THEM. Or, as I'd ticked on the application, call me into an office. It's not so much that it's more antiquated here New Russia AND Elizabethtown are still, no matter what the circumstances, “small, Adirondack towns”. Hey, better this than having to go all the way to Plattsburgh. - Morning folly, this: a drive into Ticonderoga to get sheets for at least one living-room window. 15$ (plus tax). But it would be more intelligent, were I to spend that money, to do so only 4 miles away, at the FOOD market. Well... we shall see how the day progresses and what does/does not get accomplished. - Yesterday's t-shirts are still quite wet. Hopefully there'll be sun today to dry them. (I noticed, yesterday, Joan has a rack in her bed-room. Seems that's where she dries her clothes. I don't recall seeing a dryer. So she must do bed linens and such in the washer and wait for them on the rack as well. All because nobody has a line here. Not that she could do that anyway. I believe she has one of those “attendants” in for 2 hours a week. Not enough time to wash, hang, fetch. And Joan certainly couldn't get clothes off a line. - Well again... not my monkey, not my circus. I need to get the water heater matter settled. THAT should be interesting. I wonder if Mr. Marvel (Alden) has “connections” in town. He was hesitant to instruct on the propane, and in spite of paying the electric for the post office (as is claimed), he didn't seem to know who the electric company (he pays) is for this place. I wonder... I most certainly do. I've trepidations about this place. Perhaps best to see it as a “first step” to being back, and keep looking... else-where. (Something “to do”). - 9.10 WELL! THAT went easy enough! “Jodi” rang JUST BEFORE 8.30, asked questions, curt and direct but kind enough. Transferred me to “Cindy” (Heald) for ordering a new card and SHE'S a 1955 December baby! We had a WONDERFUL chat about ancestry, locality, and all sorts of stuff! Card ordered, but I have to cancel VT before getting anything from here. Fine. “Work” to be done today. Not to mention, establishing the “account” with Avery. It's all a matter of “timing”... FS, cancelled before the 1st of Sept. will mean NOTHING for the month. Not sure how to go about the “Avery” part, but I have to call them for the cost of the new tank anyway... today. Medical is another issue. I have to check the “status” of THAT application (and I don't even remember if I filed with them... things are blurring). - Meanwhile, I hear the Hoover at the PO and Ms. Becky mentioned something about “Alden” when she arrived. I have to phone him too... waiting for another 5 minutes... 9.30. I don't want to be TOO early with that. - And so... and so. Things to be done with today. Let's see how far along we get. - 12.37 AAAAnnnnddddd....
So my FS interview happened first thing this morning. New card ordered. I just have to close VT.
I rang Alden at about 9.30/9.45 to tell of the water heater, he said he'd call his plumber.
Rang Avery just to check the price of the new tank. They already have an account for me *AND* the cost will be ONLY 99,50! That's ONLY 3$ more than just the 28gals Amerigas delivered first shot! The delivery will happen on 4 Sept! (I have to hold the gas in this tank until then. NOTE? IF I call Amerigas to come take the tank, they're going to try to charge me 140$ so... I'm not calling... I'm just going to let the tank sit there until.
I was chatting at the PO when the plumber (Hance... Cody) came. He's sending somebody else with parts.
Came in and rang VT FS to close there. They've done it. Letter to follow (delivered here).
Rang VT Medicaid. The request to close on 30 Sept. already done!
HEY! THIS has been a FULL day! NOW... I have to repair the truck, change my license, registration, insurance, and get the thing to pass inspection and... and... DONE!
FS in the works/done
Medicaid done
Avery done
Water Heater repair done
Oh, and Cody, from Hance tells me that Alden was HIS landlord for many years. “He's the BEST landlord!” Thus far, everybody I've spoken to knows Alden (directly) and NOT ONE has ANYTHING negative to say about him, particularly as a landlord! (I'm cynical, but impressed. As the Q14 bus driver said, so many years ago, about Willie: “We're afraid of her 'other side' because if she's THAT sweet, the 'other side' might be just the extreme in the opposite.” Not to mention Alden's accounts of “trouble tenants” and that he's “in” with the local police and sheriff. He made a point of mentioning that. Still, I seriously doubt he'd do anything illegal where renting is concerned. Anyway... my PRIMARY responsibility is making sure the rent is paid, on time, and as long as soc.sec. comes in, THAT won't be an issue. HERE, it will be RENT FIRST. Everything else can hold.) - WHAT A DAY! (I guess this is my “yartzeit”... the flame to remind us of the happier times of those “passed”. Good things on a good day.) - And now... New Russia returns to a quiet little Adirondack hamlet. - 18.06 And “meal” is done... dishes and all. But that's the the “NEWS” of this evening.... - Must have been about 16.00 or so when a knock came on the door. ALVIN! With walking stick... INVITED ME TO TAKE A WALK UP THE MOUNTAINS ACROSS THE ROAD, ALONG A TRAIL AND UP TO A PLACE WHERE THEY SOMETIMES HAVE LITTLE CAMP-FIRES AND SUCH! A WALK THROUGH THE WOOD-LANDS! A WALK IN THE ADIRONDACKS! (We got back at about 17.25... after having a bit of a chat in front of the house too!) IT'S WONDERFUL! HEMLOCKS. FERNS. LICHEN. PRINCESS PINE! JUST INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL! A WALK IN THE ADIRONDACKS! I MEAN... WOW! And in out “chat”, more history of the town, including a crazy woman who lived in the house next door to them (North). The house is now empty. But more history of the place! It just made the day all the more... well... I'm rather a bit of a touch in “awe” over how much has happened in just one day. And to think, not the “happiest” day. (And when he came a-knocking, I was working with my “Asus” photos... coding a new “slide-show” in HTML! What a damn wonder!) SO... THIS has proven to be one INCREDIBLE DAY! - And now? The sun is shining. A few clouds hither and yon. A beautiful breeze. Just the sort of day I'd always thought of having... here... in the Adirondacks. This one's going to be hard to beat. I'm exhausted... just from feeling so great for so long. - Mimou is OK. Add the accomplishments. Then Alvin actually coming to invite me to walk. The walk. The smell of hemlocks in the woods. 6 MILLION acres of woods. Just... unbelievable. - Of course, Hance never came back to replace anything on the water heater so I'm still looking forward to re-lights. But HEY! WHAT A DAY! - 20.00 Just in from SITTING on the front porch, watching the hummies vie for the feeder. What a laugh! And helped 3 women-strangers who apparently missed exits 32 and 31, headed into Keene. And as I pondered the situation of the “down-spouts” for the post office, Alvin and Vivian came strolling by... and SPOKE! And so, here I am, in at table, ready to roll the rollies. (I'd had the last one on MY stroll down to the bridge earlier where I CAUGHT A VIDEO OF A BEAVER!) The shades are drawn, windows, down for the night. Oh, and I was in the cellar... the pilot's still burning. SHOWER TONIGHT! - 21.43 And... “Mock The Week” and a vodka with... water! Quite good, really, since the vodka cam out of the freezer. Ah... the freezer, where vodka SHOULD be kept. And an entire re-smoke on the front porch. AND... the realisation that, my kidneys really can't take 2 drinks (but I want another one anyway)... a “ticket out”... a bottle of vodka (or... the BDMs). When the moment arrives. - Moving on... still rather early, though not my “bed at 9”. Tonight, I don't care. Tomorrow? Nothing on the agenda. - And if I can get the truck done... no more connections to the other side of the lake! Except my mind, thoughts, memories. - 22.54 Off to brush my teeth and go to bed. I snacked on the cut beans from Joan, still frozen. I'm tired. Just in from last smoke. Tomorrow? We'll see what that brings. The “22nd” is closed.

Fri.23.Aug: (5 more days until pay-day.) - 7.36 and it's Friday. (So what?) Another night of foot cramps and up at about 5, then 6, then at 7.00 I gave up. Coffee on at 7.29, quick out for a smoke in 16° and a bit of a chill to the air sunny air. Just waiting for coffee to steep. One more brick in the freezer. It's getting to “shopping time” again. And I don't see any “FS” for the first of Sept. Alas. Well, I've been saying, all along, that this is the “difficult period” and indeed... it's proving to be just that. But the necessities are being attended. One thing though... a radiator is certainly being put higher on the list. - Anyway... not feeling too awfully “well” this morning. Gas and a bit of a “not well” feeling over-all. Ah, perhaps the cookies... OH... AND THE VODKA LAST NIGHT! I FORGOT ABOUT THAT. ONE drink. Yep. Not hung-over by any means. But just “not correct”. OK. “The morning after”. OK. - Pondering washing the bed-sheets, but there's still no particular rush on those, considering the mattress cover can't be ordered until Wednesday-next anyway. But “considering”. Odd, how there are things to fill a day though. I sit in the morning, wondering about the “rest of the day” and suddenly it's time for “meal” and quickly there-after, it's time to ponder bed-time and the day is gone. “Time”... it's all relative... to something. - On with this day for now. “Forward Buttercup. There's fuckery to be spread!” - 15.13 As expected, the day has ROLLED! It's that 2-3 hours in the morning... when the PO is open, when things don't get done in the house. Why? I'm not sure. But that seems to be how it goes. Not to mention, lately, Biddy's brought her brats with and the screaming and banging, bouncing on the porch. As she said only yesterday “I can't wait for school to begin again.” And then there's “Zeke”. Barking from arrival to departure. But I think of him as Hallie... just LOVES to say “HEY!” to all his peoples. - Meanwhile, I've discovered MOLD in the cabinet under the sink! WET! WATER! I don't know exactly where from, but, thankfully, I have that little “mystery” heater blowing in on it to dry it out and to soak some bleach into the wood. It's in need of a cover... “Contact” paper or something... and a sealant. Maybe that “matte” will help a bit. The chemicals in the spray and the seal. But then again, if there's water... I'll think of something. - STILL WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO COME WORK ON THE WATER HEATER TOO. Just thought I'd toss that in. - Spent a couple of hours sorting through the shirts and t-shirts, moving things about for the “cold weather”. Never “too soon”. How wonderful to have “acquired” some heavy flannels and cold-weather clothing. As Tony Muscle put it “God knew I needed... and made it so I found it.” Should I survive to Winter... now all I need do is arrange for heat in this house. - Now... I have to recall and mention a comment made by Alvin yesterday, as we chatted in the drive. He mentioned some previous tenants in this place, horrors, as they are/were. I said “Alden's had his share.” And Alvin added, “As long as a tenant pays the rent on time and takes good care of the place, Alden's quite good. But he's had the ones who pay their rent for a while and then stop. He's had his share of evictions.” “Pay the rent” and “take good care of the property”. Check. Yes, I've paid only July, August and “Last” thus far. But... I've taken “good care” and now Joan and Alvin have seen. So if there are any “reports” to be going round... Alden said he'd be here “with-in a week”. We shall see. I'd LIKE to know WHEN... a bit in advance. (I'm going to have to figure out my smokes whilst he's in the county.). But... thoughts are bouncing about here. The heater's cycling under the sink. I should think about eating tonight. There's another “meal” in there but nothing for tomorrow. Though, tomorrow's Saturday so, freshly cooked for Saturday night. - It's gotten much warmer out there. I'd had all the windows closed this morning. Even closed the bed-room, to keep the warmth in. Can't afford to let the place get TOO cool though. Tonight's coming. - Time to toddle on. A tap-instant coffee at hand. (Shopping to be done.) - 19.33 HOW'S THAT for an hour? Anyway... just browsing for furniture again. Futon in Saranac Lake.75$ but... it's about the drive. Still, if I can get this thing for only 75$? I sent questions. Let's see if it's still available. - Took a walk down the 9 to the “New Rusia” sign. Took photos too. Oddly, at about 16.15, Alvin came knocking again. Would I like to take a hike to the other trail, up to the Roaring Brook? I declined because I wanted to have dinner at 17.00 tonight. So? So.. not sure if he's the type to take a “decline” but this is one way of finding out. - So my walk was pleasant, and I sent some photos to Dorothy already. - Now? Kitchen all tidy, sun just dipping behind yon mountains, I'm about ready to get ready to shower and hopefully get a good night's sleep... though I'm not planning on it. I SHOULD cut my hair but... maybe yes, maybe I doubt it. Things to consider. Oh well. - 20.22 Just trimmed the back and neck with the buzzer, nothing drastic. Looks a lot cleaner. Spiffy me. - Sent word to Linda about Minou too. I should have done that earlier in the week but never thought of it, really, because of the posts to Minds. - So now? Shower time! (I checked the pilot on my way in from that stroll. Yep... lit. I know where to look now, with-out having to get down on the ground. So there's hot water tonight (no guarantees or promises for tomorrow though). - 21.44 Not exactly “bed at 9” but... I'm SHOWERED! AND I ENJOYED TONIGHT'S SHOWER BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THERE'S ENOUGH GAS IN THE TANK TO LAST 12 DAYS... AND THEN, 100$ AND I'LL HAVE FIFTY GALLONS, NOT 30, A FRESH START TO THE HOT WATER! AND AS FOR RE-LIGHTING THE DAMNED HEATER? WELL, AS LONG AS IT CONTINUES TO RE-LIGHT, I DON'T MUCH CARE AT THIS POINT. USING ALL THE GAS IN THE TANK IS TO MY ADVANTAGE AT THIS POINT. I PAID! IT'S MINE. (And the tank? Probably put into the garage out back. I don't care. I'm NOT paying 170$ for that shit... after only about 30-something days. And at 3,99$/gallon? They can scratch. They're a “mega corp.” let THEM deal with the fact that they don't have the tank. Shit... if somebody wants to use it on a “cook stove”, I'll let THEM use the damned gas... and probably keep the tank too, for that matter.) Anyway... SHOWERED, CLEANED, V-tap water at side. Bread and butter for “nibbles” if need be. A little salt if that be the case. I can bake more tomorrow... whilst the washing soaks. What-ever. It's Friday night. (I should add some music to G's... we'll see how that goes. I'll finish my “beverage”... brush my teeth, go to bed. Plan.)

Sat.24.Aug: 0.59 Beverage done. Soc.med. done. Time for teeth-brushing and... day... done. I'm tired. Hoping for some actual SLEEP tonight (this morning). - It's chilly out there again tonight. But... there's the stove... and a loaf of bread to warm the place. - 8.50
AND... UP FROM THE CELLAR... ANOTHER *** RE-LIGHT *** AS EXPECTED. I SHOWERED. 5TH TIME THS MONTH. SO I'M THINKING: “HANCE” THE PLUMBER... CAME ON THURSDAY... CODY... SPENT ABOUT 20 MINUTES IN THE DARK CELLAR, STARING INTO THE WATER HEATER WITH HIS MOBILE PHONE SET TO “FLASH-LIGHT”. SAYS TO ME “IT'S LIT NOW.” WELL YEAH... I'D LIT IT! DUMFUK. MENTIONED THE “THERMO-COUPLER”, GRABBED COOKIES FROM THE PO AND DROVE OFF SAYING HE WAS GOING TO HAVE “RAYMOND” (OR SOMEBODY OF THE SORT) COME BACK. TODAY'S SATURDAY. I'VE HAD TO RE-LIGHT THE HEATER. There's a leak under the kitchen basin. I'll be looking into fixing that... MY-SELF! “Hance”... my aching bollocks! - But I DID think, just last night, that I'd have to be down there this morning. And so, again... NAILED IT! - Slept through the night though. Jammies, back brace, socks on feet. Clothed. I wonder why clothes make it easier. It's odd because, during the day, when I'm clothed, I don't have the spasms as often. Circulation? Perhaps. - Anyway... sitting here thinking: the fridge makes horrible thumps and thuds when it turns off. It runs rather frequently, and I don't open it, it's set at “lowest”. Can't wait to see how much electric it uses. THAT needs replacing. The oven literally has a “gash” in the back on the bottom. But it does bake. That's no good. Leak under the kitchen basin. the toilet has such horrific condensation that there's water on the loo floor. Well Sparky? 500$/month rent... “A little place in the Adirondacks”. You got it! And all is “usual”. There's WORK to be done on this place. (“Alden's the best landlord.” I should give him a chance... I should.) - On with the day... time for coffee. At least I've had a complete smoke (a “real” one... in 2 stages.) - Tah-fucking-dah. “Shabbat shalom”. - 11.42 Wash is on the porch. I'm just up from a stroll to the bridge... for a smoke. Today's post brought a “list” from Soc.Svces. of what they need for the FS. Due by 2 Sept. Well, let's see how long it takes VT to get their shit together and get me the letter confirming the VT case is closed. - Message from Dorothy asking if I'm free. She wants to call and chat. Let's see IF that ever comes through. - Nice weather out there again today. I could go work on the little “flower bed” on the side of the house. But it's Saturday and I'm in clean clothes and not in the mood, to be honest. Just a bit on the “ornery” side. This bull-shit of re-lighting the water heater, the leak under the kitchen basin... general bull-shit. And the truck. There's rust that should be taken care of. Not to mention the signals that need repairing. (I'm HOPING it's just the 40$ “relay”, which I'll order on Wednesday.) Starting to feel a bit “tired” again. - Need to bake bread, cook “meals” today too. Don't want to get started on those if Dorothy's going to ring. I miss the old hand-sets on the old phones. It's no wonder people get nothing done these days. We used to be able to chat on the phone and work. With these mobiles, you can't hold them to the ear... though I DO have the ear-thingies, some-where. Too damned lazy at the moment. - Ms. Crystal is still at the PO. It's open til noon today. Go figure. Oh well. Soon enough... I suppose... she'll be gone and away and New Russia will “settle”. - Alvin's in his yard, in what looks like it was supposed to be a “garden” of some sort. And me? I'm here, typing, trying to figure what I want to do next. “Retirement”. No wonder folks die... But the sun's shining, the air is in motion, and it's a delightful sort of temperature in the Adirondacks. - 11.57 HAH! AS I EXPECTED: MESSAGE COMES... “Call me”. Yep. These people and their “I can't dial a fucking number.” Honestly... shit never changes. It's all the way it's always been... “Call me”. YOU dial. Odd how people still don't get the fact that phones work in TWO directions. Oh well... when I get around to it. - 22.16 THIS day went by quickly from “meal” time! And I got the “stew” (rice, meat, veggies) done and had a HEFTY portion. Tried another bread. I just can't seem to get it right any more! This one didn't rise at all, came out REALLY crusty again (and to think I've missed “crusty” bread for so long and now that I'm baking it, I can't CHEW it, fuck me)! AND... the damned oven smoked so badly that it set the smoke alarm off a bit! Must have been from the “seasoning” on the skillet. Oh well. It stopped. Hopefully, for good. - Had another 2-hour “chat” with Dorothy again this afternoon. Always fun and insightful. The shit we've survived through. AND, come to find out, SHE'S been through similar shit to what I've been through with all the general “losses of everything”! She tells me Cindy's a complete loss at this point in life. The kid's got NO self-esteem, NO self-worth, and I can't figure out how that happened or when. But we both agree... Tony. Destroyed her. And after so many years, Dorothy says there's no helping her out of it any more. Her mind is hard-wired now... literally “hopeless”. And she blames herself for Michael's death! What I wouldn't give to be able to put Tony out right now. Wouldn't make any difference to me what happened to me. I'd like to throat-punch his damned mother too. THERE'S the perfect example of a “QUNT”! Bringing that shit into this world and defending it. Yeah, he deserves Hell... now AND eternity. - Joan and I chatted a bit too. Tomorrow, we're going to work on her little “garden”. She wants to plant late spinach, but we're going to have to figure a way to keep the deer out. - Speaking of which, one of the does got slammed last night, dumped on the side of the 9, just South of the “park”. Poor thing. (Now I wonder how long it'll take before somebody comes to take her away... before she starts decaying. That should be interesting.) - It's been difficult to get a smoke in all day. Alvin had some company sitting on the porch over there all day. I had to take a walk to the bridge and another down the 9. Managed to get a couple drags in since night-fall though. This is bugging the shit out of me. I'm 64 years old and “sneaking” like a teen-ager. I'm going to bring it up when Alden gets here. It's not as if I'm parked on the porch all day and night, smoking the place into a fog. It's got to stop. Meanwhile, I'll just roll with it. - Can't help but think of Wednesday and the month after that. Propane is coming. Oil MUST follow in September. MUST get this place together for the cold weather... and that's not too far off at this juncture. - Today's washing is still on the rack. It didn't quite dry out there today. But then, I didn't wring it very much either. - Spent time sorting through photos again. Today was mostly Mimou and Hallie. Sent a few off to Mme. from whom I received word that he had TWO “abscesses”! One in the “middle of his left foot” and the other “at the end of his leg”. She's still insisting it's because of Jack. Me? I said it sounds more like he stepped on something, perhaps under the porch. Broken glass or something else, sharp and filthy. Yeah, I know. There's no talking any sense to her. Speaking of “hopeless”. But Mimou's OK and that's all that matters. - Got e-mails from Linda. She wants to send maple syrup. Joy. But as I think of it, it's edible, calories. We shall see. - Other than this, the day just rolled along and now, it's over and done. I'm contemplating a small, light “beverage” before bed. There's “bread” to have with. I am a touch hungry but I attribute that to the lack of sugar intake of late. Nothing to “turn off the hunger”. I've a shopping list started. No telling when I'll be able to afford it all but, at the rate things are going here, I might have to break down and max a card before Wednesday. Oh well. These are the lean days. Just so long as I can repair the signals on the truck... for now. Rent, utilities and the signal relay are the top of the list for Wednesday. This too, shall pass. - And I have to get this application in to Stewart's. I'm thinking Monday. Will probably get a pack of smokes and put the application in at the same time. We shall see how that moves along. - Tired, as usual, but just not looking forward to bed. Just like almost every other night in recent times. It's the “sleep” thing (that I have no trouble with during the day) and the spasms... the waking sleeping waking sleeping waking sleeping on and off and on and off all through the night. It's no wonder I'm half dead most of the time. - OK. A beverage it is. Bread and butter. Soc.med. and to bed. Midnight... probably... not “by 9”... again.

Sun.25.Aug: 0.18 OK. Small beverage. I'd like another smoke... I'll step out for a few drags... come in, brush the teeth... WRAP IT! I'm tired! - 9.14 AND ANOTHER RE-LIGHT. 6 FOR THIS MONTH... 7 (OR PERHAPS 8) FROM SINCE I ARRIVED. I say nothing more on the matter... but it's beginning to remind me of “Pleasant Valley” with Frank, Bill and Allen and going to get fire-wood in the morning.) Woke at 6.00, laid in the bed snoozing and dozing until I heard the 8.00 alarm and let it run its course. At about 8.30, decided to get up out of bed and at 8.44 did so. Put on the kettle, cleaned the clench-guard, had a few drags of the last real cigarette, came back in and “tested” the hot water. Had my vit.C. and got me together... and DOWN TO THE CELLAR AGAIN. Glorious, sunny, Sunday morn. Joan is out to “church”. How charming. Another “church-goer”. Honestly, these people. More “Christians”... or worse... “Catholics”. Ah, but what they must say about me, when I'm not about to hear. I don't give a shit. My rent's paid, and is about to be paid again, I'm tending leaks in this place, RE-RE-Re-re-lighting the fucking water heater... maintaining the property that isn't mine, and saying nothing on the matter... yet. Alas and oh well. “A little place in the Adirondacks”. You got it. - Agenda du jour: There's gardening to be done today. “Bonding time with Joan”. Charming. But for me, at least it's something to be done. - I have to try to start the truck today too. No prob. I also have to check the cards and cash and get a pack of smokes, give the old truck a bit of a roll at some point. Working with Joan won't be an all-day affair, I'm sure of that. So? So. And... I roll along. - A little note: The temperature in the bed-room last night (this morning?) when I went to bed (to read a little more on the history of The North Country... the book from Plattsburgh of many months ago) was.... 21°. A familiar temperature. This morning, the sun came POURING in through the curtains... 21 again. I know it went down during the night so... RADIATORS! There's a drive a-comin'. Lowes. I rather dread it. That drive to Plattsburgh is what sets the “Check Engine” off. Oh... well... shit happens. This too, shall pass. - Oh... but it was a night-through of sleep. So no complaints. “Shavuah tov”... I suppose. - Moving along... moving along... moving along. - 9.36 On-line Journals... up-to-date. - 12.46 Fuckers are here mowing! Don't tell anybody anything. Just show up. Well? I'll check the truck when they're done. Damage? No “nice me”. Fuck. And all that bull-shit about “We let Joan know because the dust bothers her.” Fucking liars. - 20.02 WELL! SPENT A FEW HOURS OUT BACK WITH JOAN, WORKING ON HER LITTLE GARDEN, TILLING AND PLANTING SPINACHES. THEN WORKED OVER TO THE POTATOES WHERE I NOW HAVE ONE LARGE AND 3 SMALL AND SHE GOT 5 QUITE NICE MEDIUM SIZED... I LET HER CHOOSE FIRST, OF COURSE. (WE STARTED ROUND-ABOUT HALF-NOON AND I WAS BACK IN AT 16.24). AND THAT WAS AFTER “ROB” AND HIS KID SHOWED-UP, SUDDENLY, ABOUT NOON-ISH, WITH MOWER AND WACKER!!!! AH... BUT TODAY WAS “THE DAY”... JOAN AND I GOT TO TALK AND I DID. TOLD HER THAT, IF I'D LISTENED TO JESS, I'D THINK SHE (JOAN) WAS THE “GRAND BITCH OF NEW RUSSIA” BECAUSE I'VE BEEN GIVEN “WARNINGS” ABOUT DOING THINGS FROM CLEARING THE LILIES TO GARDENING AND SUCH. JOAN CONFIDED “TELEPHONE, TELEGRAPH, TELL-A-JESS”, THAT YES, SHE CAN BE A LITTLE NOSEY AND NEWSY BUT THAT I NEED NOT WORRY SO MUCH AND NOT HEED SO CLOSELY. I ASSURED HER THAT IT REACHED THE POINT WHERE I'VE ALREADY LOOKED FOR OTHER PLACES BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T LIVE THAT WAY. SHE SEEMED RATHER TAKEN AND RE-ASSURED ME THAT I SHOULDN'T BE SO CONCERNED. WELL? IT'S OUT. NOW... ALL I NEED DO IS GET ALDEN TO SEE ABOUT THE WATER HEATER, THE LEAK UNDER THE KITCHEN BASING AND THE SMOKING ON THE PORCH. THEN WE SHALL SEE HOW IT ALL SPINS ROUND. BUT IT WAS SUCH A DELIGHT, WORKING IN THE LITTLE GARDENS TODAY. AND THEY LOOK MUCH BETTER, CLEANER. NEXT? THE LILIES. - THIS EVENING, JOAN CALLED TO ME. AT ABOUT 17.00 (AS I WAS FINISHED EATING A LITTLE “RICE STEW, BREAD CRUMBS AND EGGS) SHE CALLED TO SAY THAT THE DEER WERE ALREADY IN THE YARD! SO I PUT UP SOME FISHING LINE. HOPEFULLY IT'LL WORK. SHE'S VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE BEANS SHE STILL HAS GROWING IN THERE... AND THE SPINACH TO COME. ANYWAY... A CHARMING DAY OF “WORKING WITH THE NEIGHBOUR”. LET'S SEE HOW IT ROLLS DURING THE WEEK... WHEN ALDEN ARRIVES (AND I WONDER FOR HOW LONG AND WHY... ESPEICALLY SINCE HIS PLUMBER HASN'T DONE SHIT ABOUT THE WATER HEATER.... WHICH I'LL HAVE TO RE-LIGHT TOMORROW MORNING BECAUSE I'M TAKING A SHOWER TONIGHT AND HAVE LAUNDRY FOR TOMORROW (AFTER THE GARDENING TODAY). - Just finished the “definitive” budget for Wednesday. No more “AAA” for the month. Instead, I'll get the new propane tank, the relay for the truck, a mattress cover AND A RADIATOR! Which means, no furniture this month either. I'll have about 225$ to live off of (buy food) for the rest of the month. Another TIGHT one. But, heat, and the truck... IMPORTANT! (Next thing to kill: License, Registration, Inspection, Insurance and THOSE are going to be KILLERS! At the rate this is going, I'm not going to be eating until either the FS come through or I get the job at Stewarts or... February!) It's nerve-wracking, but... it's what it is and I'm not the first, last or only one to have ever gone through this. - Tomorrow? MAYBE a trip in to Soc.Svces. It would be nice if tomorrow's post would deliver the “VT FS” confirmation letter of closure. But I'm not holding any breath. Still... since Soc.Svces. is across from Stewarts and I MIGHT be able to afford A PACK of smokes... and the truck needs a bit of a run anyway. We shall see. - Right now, I'm trying to stay away from going to bed. I was just out for a bit of a smoke and chatting with the humming bird. Their feeder is almost in need of re-fill too! They're stocking-up for the cold and the trip South! LOVE THEM! - Oops... as I see this, it looks like ordering the beef from VT is going to have to skip this month too. The new propane is taking a YUGE bite out of income this trip. Oh well... again... - Anyway... at about 21.00 I'll head for the shower, clean up, get into bed or something. Tomorrow is another day... another day... another day. - 21.47 Just finished looking into the possible FS allotment: probably about 60/mo. SHIT! BUT... have decided on getting a radiator, direct from deLonghi at about 80$ THIS month. Cuts me HORRIBLY short but September is when the cold commences. No choice. THEN, a discovery: ONE radiator heated the kitchen at 5199 rather well. Running 24/7, it cost her 50$/mo. My electric rates are lower. THEN, with one in the kitchen in the w/d nook and one in the living-room, TWO should keep this place comfortable. OIL, next month, at 100 gallons, is going to leave me with a HORRIBLY LOW income, so Stewart's isn't a “fun” job, it's become a NECESSITY. That said, MUST get that rolling TOMORROW! Just to be certain of “Yes or No”. THAT said, next month is going to be almost impossible. 300$ for 100 gallons of oil (must have) and the 80$ for the other radiator. Well? Things are going to be SCREECHING when the truck needs the turn-over... especially come December when the registration and insurance come due. AND I'm going to HAVE to keep the oil deliveries down to every OTHER month, if at all possible, at 100 gallons per delivery. NOW... THAT said, there should be about 93 gallons in the tank. At 275 gallons max., a delivery of 100 gallons in September will bring it to 193 gallons. 82 gallons short of FULL which is a delivery that would cost me more because of it being less than 100 gallons. SO... Get 100 gallons in September, run 20 gallons out and IF need be, get another 100 gallons on October OR... run what-ever (in the vicinity of 100 gallons) for the month of October (which will be the September delivery) and bring the NOVEMBER delivery (skipping a month) to 1000 gallons. It's STILL SCREECHING December, but... it CAN be done! Now... IF I get another radiator in September, THAT will cut down on the oil consumption, bring the electric up a bit, and in January, I'll have to worry about the “balance over budget payments” then. Consider that electric cannot be cut until April... I can “work” a new payment out on that through the Winter. Gas? 50 gallons MUST (I see no reason why it wouldn't) last at LEAST 2 months... September and October... but if 30 gallons lasted Art for almost 6 months... 50 gallons SHOULD last considerably longer. No gas bill for several months. The HARDSHIP right now, immediate, is the 100$ for the new gas tank. That won't be aroun- d for a while again... and 50 gallons of gas won't be as expensive because there won't be a “Service/Tank” charge. Expenses WILL come down... here and there. - For now... immediately tonight, I need a shower. I checked the pilot at about 19.30 or so, before closing the cellar door and it was on. Of course, the way I see it, I'll shower, the water temperature will drop, the damned heater will have to kick and THAT will extinguish the fucking pilot. Tomorrow morning? First thing? Back to re-light. Oh well. “I don't like it but I guess things happen that way... doo-doo, doo-waddah-doo, doop-doop.” - SHOWER TIME! - 22.41 WOW! THAT time went by damned quickly! But I'm HOT showered and DOUBLE scrubbed... for tomorrow. Licorice tea water on, 2 slices “bread” with butter, a little nibble and off to seepie-nigh-night time! Morning plan: Into town... Soc.Svces. with what paper-work I have, Stewart's, and Fam.Doll. for smokes (if I can swing something edible, that too, but I'm not pushing). Get back, weed the lilies. (Re-lighting the water heater depends on whether I do it before leaving or not. Either way, I KNOW it's probably already out. But I'm NOT going down there now to check. Fukkit.) There... another day... DONE!

Mon.26.Aug: 0.05 Soc.med. and licorice tea done. AND... got the “billing statement” from Spectrum... I over-budgeted by 5,02$ so there's MORE money for me! The only OTHER over-budget possibility is the gas... by about 1$. Still... HEY! - Now? Time for BED! - 7.55 Up at the 8.00 alarm and I TRULY could go back to bed this morning! Slept through the night and I WANT MORE SLEEP! (Malnourished.... no doubt.) Coffee's in the press. And I need to dress... to go to the cellar, again. FUCK FUCK FUCK! And today, this morning, it's a drive into town. JOB JOB JOB HEY the kids go back to school in about 2 weeks... Let's see how this rolls out. But for now, I've got to get me together. Not feeling well isn't a good thing in the morning. - 10.11 Well... Water Heater Re-Lit, bill for 5$ for the Student and a letter confirming closure of Medicaid on 30 Sept. BUT NO FUCKING LETTER ABOUT FS WHICH IS THE ONE I NEED THIS MORNING! Oh well... I'm “going in” anyway. - Spent about an hour at the po this morn... “covering” yesterday's chat with Joan and getting my mail. Libfuk and Alvin dropped by and left. And now... I get to have my coffee at last and then... into town! - 11.26 BACK FROM Soc.Svces. AND Stewarts (where I got a pack of smokes at almost 12$! and dropped the application for WORK). I left here at 10.34! UNDER AN HOUR! And a BEAUTIFUL day in the sun-shine! Parking was a bit of a task. Not sure where I should have parked but at least I got to see all the “govt” offices and such. Not to mention... THE MOUNTAINS! WE TRULY ARE IN THE MOUNTAINS! And from the parking lot, one can see Marcy, and a charming swatch of the Adirondacks. There's NO mistaking: We are IN the mountains here. - And but, the MOST BEAUTIFUL part of the trip: The truck made it there and back and all went delightfully well... in silence, of course. No sense even putting the radio on... one station, and that's pretty much shit. - There are 2 more items I need for the FS part though. The “closing letter” for FS in VT (of course... I'll probably have to call them again... to make sure) and a “bill” or something from Avery with the account number on it. (I might just call them too... since my time on the FS application is running close.) But, thus far, “a beautiful day in the neighbourhood”... (and Ms. Joan is stirring on the back porch). - I need something to eat this morning. Eggs. I was going to get breakfast cereal at the FamDoll, but... I'm stupid that way. So eggs it is. And then? A bit of work in the lilies. Tonight, a shower. Tomorrow morning... RE-LIGHT THE FUCKING WATER HEATER. Hey! It's not as if I have SO much to do. But a day in the sun-shine is called-for. And so it shall be. Keep busy or... - 15.15 Just in from a stroll to the bridge and photos of the water-fall! Yay! Got the photos of the water-fall. And THAT, after cleaning the lilies again. I'm almost half tempted to eat my “meal”, take my shower and go to bed. But the sky i clear and blue, the sun is bright and hot and going to bed now would be... silly at best. So, when the clock strikes 23.00 and I'm still sitting here not ready for bed... I'll wonder. Fuck. But at least I got back out into the sun... AND had a civil smoke. All said, it's been a “productive” day. So there. - 18.02 Ate. Did the washing-up. Watched “The Five” and as I was watching, sat right at table and dozed off! Yep... tired. Now? Folks on the back porch yacking. I'll have to toddle down the road for a smoke. But THEN... toddle back for a shower and a tuck in the bed. There's nothing necessary tonight. Laundry (the “gardening” clothes”) tomorrow. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning so... I'll go back early tonight. (I can only hope.) - 20.47 SHOWERED! You'd THINK I had someplace to BE in the morning (other than the cellar to fucking RE-LIGHT the fucking water heater). BUT... SHOWERED, I am... and a ginger tea with a bit of bread and then... BED! BEFORE mid-night... (I'll think). - 23.38 and I'm about to disappoint me again! Well... I showered early enough. Too much soc.med. BS. But NOW... it's off to bed!

Tue.27.Aug: 7.41 And up, pee, coffee on, lavage in the basin, dress, half-smoke whilst putting on the boots to go to the cellar to find.... (drum-roll)... THE WATER HEATER PILOT IS LIT! I SHOWERED AND IT STAYED LIT! WELL! INDEED! So, back up to the porch, remove boots, pour coffee, sit at table. Let's see if the piece of shit in the cellar STAYS lit through the day... after the laundry. For now? Happy. I suppose. “Agenda”? Nothing. Good thing. Feeling a little weaker. These are going to be some VERY strenuous days ahead... nourishment-wise, unless the FS come through properly and in an amount sufficient to procure proper food-stuffs. Meanwhile... hey, starvation might be the way to “go”... Come the Winter, just go to bed and... After all, as I reminded me last night before bed: “I'm going home to die.” To die, tah-dah. - So it's Tuesday, tomorrow is “Getcho shit 2gethuh”. We ride the day today. - 19.36 Well... MY ART-WORKS ARE HUNG IN THE LIVING-ROOM, VIV'S “Fleur de lis” IS HANGING IN THE KITCHEN AND WHAT A DIFFERENCE IT MAKES IN THE GENERAL “AMBIANCE” OF THE PLACE. LOOKS A TOUCH “LIVED-IN”! Hey! One thing I DO happen to remember is that a place can legally be considered only “temporary” and NOT “permanent” residence if there isn't any indication (furnishings and such) present. So now, at least there's this much.) And I moved the plants from the window by the post office, primarily because, until such time curtains go up, I'm considering those windows “non-existent”. - The arse-hole from USPS came to install the new lighting fixture today. Cheap shit but “motion sensor” and TWO fucking lights... one pointed at the boxes, the other at the top of the “stairs” which is in the direction of my windows (the afore-mentioned). I made a comment to Jess about it shining in the window and that I didn't move to the country to live in Times Square. She retorted that, should I object, “We'll win.” meaning, should I debate the presence of the light, I'll lose. “I need it for security.” She doesn't even LIKE the fucking job. Yesterday she confided “I only make 150$ (I'll assume that's weekly) and that's before anything is taken out of it.” Well m'cow, if you don't like the damned job... Anyway, I'm waiting to see how often the shit lights, when, why and where before saying anything. Should it prove a nuisance, I'll simply go beyond and above her and take it directly to the USPS. (And, considering her “off remark” about my having trouble with people because of the kippa... Yes, I can go that route as well. As I've said, repeatedly, I'm not here to make “friends”. I'd rather not be enemies, but I've no “need” of “friends”. - That said... a particular note of interest: It was about 14.30, the alarm I'd set for my “snooze” had gone off and I was laying on the bed, pondering whether or not to get up, even though the sun was POURING into the bed-room and it was delightful when... a knock on the front door! Expecting it to be Alden, I got up, tried to look “best” and when I opened the door... THE STATE POLICE! (Thankfully, the NEW YORK State Police.) Young fellow, full uniform (minus the hat). SOMEBODY SHOT A LOCAL GREY CAT WITH A PELLET GUN!!! HE WAS INVESTIGATING! IMAGINE??? *NEW YORK STATE POLICE INVESTIGATING A CAT BEING SHOT WITH A PELLET GUN!!!* NOW THAT'S THE WAY IS SHOULD BE! I told him I'd seen a grey cat down by Lakota, but that was several weeks ago. I explained my recent arrival and he bade me “WELCOME HOME, SIR.” WHAT a freakin' delight!” He took my name, address, date of birth(?) and I saw him drive over to ask Vivian... then saw him making “the rounds”, as it is here, “in town”. So yes, I imagine the cause is legit. ***** THANK THE GODS I DIDN'T BRING MIMOU OVER HERE! I'd have been keeping him in the house anyway, just in case he decided to roam... back to the shit-hole, 5199 (to be with his Big Sister), but THIS would have all but ripped my heart out with worry. A blessing... in that respect and... to see a NEW YORK State Police car in front of the house and a NEW YORK State Trooper at the door. - Well then...
IT GETS BETTER! YES IT DOES... As I was working on hanging the art, the phone rings. A “315” area number. NOT thrilled, ready to rip into somebody (I'm sick of the “Hi. This is Mizhoar from Tripadvisor...”), I answered. “May I speak with Judah?” HEY! This one's for ME! AND.... *** AMANDA from STEWARTS ***!!! Would I like an interview... TOMORROW... at 16.00? Damn right I would! Chance or no chance, I won't know until I go. SO... I'VE AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW EVENING, IN “E-TOWN” FOR A PART-TIME GIG AT STEWARTS! WOO-HOO WAH-YEAH! To be honest, THAT gave me all the more incentive to hang the art. Not sure how to handle this one though. Not TOO casual, not TOO “corporate”. I don't want a full-time career. But I DO NEED the little extra income now! Truck, food, oil, truck, food... So tomorrow evening I have something I NEED to do in town... AND I'll get something edible whilst there! Nice. - And before I forget... let's add... THE NEWS FS/MEDICAID CARD ARRIVED TODAY! *** AND *** I PUT IN A “STATEMENT” FROM AVERY (on-line) CONFIRMING MY FUEL ACCOUNT! There's nothing on the FS side... and that isn't “due” until the 5th of Sept. anyway. I have to get to the Medicaid folks and send them a copy of my “Closed Medicaid” in VT... something I need to look into and see if I can do so on-line some-how. But BUT but... THERE WE HAVE IT! ROLLING ALONG! - And now, 20.02, my little bit of washing is hanging on the rack in the kitchen. “Meal” was a few potatoes, fried, with the “rice stew” (leaving NOTHING in this house to eat... drawn exactly to “THE LINE”!). The dishes are done and put up. That HUGE container of coconut oil from Costco is empty and washed. No more of THAT (but 2 jars in the cup-board). I've gone for a smoking stroll to the bridge. Good exercise up the little hill. And tonight... again, we'll try for bed before mid-night. There's nothing I can do in the morning before about 7.00 when the bill-paying will commence... And rent will be “purchased” at about 10.30 (I need to get an envelope done for that). So there's no “emergency waking”. But there WILL be a NAP during the day. This 16.00 interview will cut into the “meal” hour. But there won't be a “meal hour” until the “meal” is purchased... across the road from the interview. So there we have the have it all. A rather some-what busy Tuesday, all told. - PS: I've checked the water heater when I returned from the smoke stroll... still going. I could shower tonight, I'll wait until tomorrow. “Fresh” for the interview... since I'll be wearing jeans anyway... and making excuses. I have slacks in the luggage, but I don't want to be bothered. Let's see how it rolls. - 20.42 Just in from a porch-smoke AND to TEST THE LIGHT ON THE PO! It works SPLENDIDLY! (Though I hope nobody across the road has a bed-room window on the road side of the house... IT'S BRIGHT!) I can step in and out of the house with-out setting it off and it stays on for about 60 seconds. WONDERFUL! MUST to give “approval” in the morn. - 23.08 And the crickets are chirping out there in the night and it seems the entire valley is FULL of the sound! I didn't hear that in 5199 nor in 5225. Refreshing, really. And it's not at all chilly. Quite the night for sleeping in the back of the truck, really, but I shouldn't think that a great idea. Anyway, my back's stiff. No BM today. Imagine that. Hopefully the morning.... HOPEFULLY! I can't afford a bad back for an interview. - The living-room looks nice to come into. Almost more like a “gallery”... and “exhibit”. (OH, to have the futon... but at the rate things are going... that's a long time... if ever.) - So it's brush the teeth and off to bed. Tomorrow... is tomorrow. - Alvin was out rather late tonight. I wonder if Alden isn't in the area and they “hung together” some-where. Time will tell. No sense pondering. Off to bed.

Wed.28.Aug: 21.02 “Meal” (filling) done, dishes done, 2 porch-smokes, cookies and milk and and episode of “Countdown”, 2 of “Waiting For God”. I'm EXHAUSTED! And why? Well! - Let's start with this morning's horrid Dream: I'm not sure how it began but I was trying to board a train, a subway of sorts, needing to get some-where not clear, but I needed to board. The entry was more like the entrance to an air-line, low ceiling, small door-way, narrow and PACKED! IT WAS HORRIBLY PACKED! The entire wagon was the very same: PACKED beyond belief! I managed to get into it, into the crowd and people kept trying to stuff themselves in! The wagon was narrow, the ceiling was low, no seating, all standing and yet, no matter how smashed into each-other we all were, MORE people kept pushing in! I was on the brink of actually not being able to BREATHE when... I woke. It was a HORRIBLY HORRIBLE HORRID “dream”. And I've NO idea where it could have come from. - I woke at 5.32 but dozed, and that's where the dream happened. - At 6.31 I was out of bed, checked to see if Soc.Sec. had been posted to Community and... SOC.SEC. IN COMMUNITY! AT LONG, LONG LAST! DIRECT DEPOSIT TO *MY* ACCOUNT! WHAT A WONDERFUL THING TO SEE THIS MORNING! - By 6.50 coffee was ready and I was sipping my first. - At about 7.00, I stepped out to check the water heater and open the cellar door. IT WAS 19° ALREADY! WARM AND HUMID! “August” still: strange weather. - Came back in and got RIGHT TO THE MONTHLY BILL-PAYING... AT 10:00, THE RENT WENT OUT WITH BECKY! PAID! SEPTEMBER! (And as I thought before going to sleep last night: Rent's paid for September and October now. Comforting, that.) Also... 11 first class stamps, 1 post-card stamp and 4 1-cent stamps and... AND... AND... ***** NO MORE FUCKING “DIRECT EXPRESS” CARD! IT'S AT *** ZERO ***! I didn't “deactivate” it... yet... BUT AFTER ALL THIS TIME... “DIRECT DEPOSIT” INTO *** MY ACCOUNT ***! - As of 12.00 noon, on the nose, I'd ordered the RADIATOR, FLASHERS RELAY AND MATTRESS COVER! PAID SPECTRUM. PUT IN PAYMENT FOR “FedLoan” (payable on the 1st Sept. 5$). Tried to pay NYSEG but the on-line wouldn't allow me to because I have no “outstanding balance”! They won't allow “pre-pay”. Shits, them. But I've “budgeted” the payment on my spread-sheet, so it's accounted for. Also “budgeted” Avery at 100$ (though that's not all too far off, if the payment is to be 99,50. Still, it's already deducted. My “budget” is done! ALL BILLS ARE PAID! AND, I cleaned-up the files in the “tote”, putting paper-work together. - NEXT BUSINESS: THE CONFIRMATION OF CLOSURE OF VT FS ARRIVED! The usual curt notice: because you failed to submit... &c. I didn't re-certify this month so, as they do, they SLAMMED the benefits closed as of the 31st. NO PROB! I needed that letter to OPEN FS here, in NY! WOO-HOO! TIMING! It's been incredible! - AS I was finishing (but not quite finished), Ms. Joan called. “I need some help.” I told her it would be a couple of minutes whilst I finished and she was understanding. So when I'd done all, put things away, I went over. Seems the exhaust flap for her loo fan had been crushed by something (someBODY?). So I got the ladder and my tools and headed up to repair it. WELL! When I'd done the job, she literally CRIED. Seems the humidity that builds in her bath-room when she showers makes her breathing all the more difficult and she's been terrified to bathe! She LITERALLY CRIED in gratitude! And we had a lovely chat. She offered (and I finally accepted) a slice of quiche she'd made. When, at first, I declined, she said “I know I ask for favours and this is my way of paying something for them.” So I told her “I just put up with almost 9 years of fucking Hell, from being called a 'scum-bag' to being accused of assault and more. And when I did anything for anybody, it was either expected or the 'thanks' were forced. So just let me tell you here and now that a sincere 'Thank you' means more to me than I could ever tell you.” She said “If you're using the f-word, I know you're serious but I'd still appreciate it if you'd take a slice of quiche.” Knowing how much it means to her, I accepted. (And it was quite delicious... and came with 3 toll-house cookies... a SUPER lunch!) But now we know each-other a bit better and things are calming quite nicely. “Life” is “settling”. AND Joan suggested “SNAP” (FS), HEAP and even HUD for help paying the rent! Said she: “You can help me with the brawn and I can help you with the brains.” So I wonder how much SHE gets... as I consider, she's permanently “disabled” as well. I'll have to look into these things! - Time for a quick nap before getting ready to hit the road! About 30 minutes from 14-14.30 and... UP A ROLLING ALONG. TRIMMED THE BEARD. JUMPED INTO THE SHOWER, PULLED THE KHAKIS OUT OF THE LUGGAGE, BROWN “DUCK” SHIRT, DOC MARTENS AND OUT THE DOOR BY 15.30! STOPPED AT SOC.SVCES. AND SUBMITTED THE LETTER FROM VT FS! ASKED IF YESTERDAY'S DOCS, SUBMITTED ON-LINE, WERE IN AND THERE AND “CINDY” CONFIRMED THEY ARE! ALL'S DONE WITH THAT! We chatted about “technology” for a bit and by 15.40, I was across the road, sitting in a booth at Stewarts. INTERVIEWED WITH AMANDA WHO'S PUTTING ME THROUGH TO A “SECOND INTERVIEW”. The timing is “perfect”, as she says, because the store is moving to a larger one, currently being built, and they NEED people! And she seemed quite sincere about the hiring... starting at 13$/hr (imagine that!) and for no more than 20 hours/week (because I told her I'm on Soc.Sec.) We MUST have talked for at least an hour! I left feeling quite positive about this venture... though it's a lot of “food prep” and the likes but... 13$/hour? OK. I'll take it. - OFF to Tops for... FOOD AT LAST! WOW! I've always thought that place rather “costly” but today it hit. They're fucking bloody EXPENSIVE! But, I got burger meat, rice, black beans, cran-pom juice, sugar (mostly for the hummies), Freihoffer's chocolate chip cookies (which, at 4,99 and “mealy”, I'll NEVER do again... they're absolute SHIT!!!!), milk, &c. 35,15! For shit. But it's food and it fed well tonight so... And then, FamDoll for a panel of sheers for the bed-room (which I hacked into quarters and put up on the side of the “shower” curtains... for a “finished” look... yeah, what-ever), Clorox Clean-up, which I needed, a roll of paper towels AND SMOKES! (I smoked the last one from the previous pack on the drive back.) 22$ there. - On the way back... IT POURED WITH RAIN! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! DRIVING ALONG THE 9, THE ADIRONDACKS ALL ROUND... AND RAIN! LOVED IT! - It was about 17.45 when I FINALLY got back into the house to dress in jeans, put the rice and beans on the stove and get me together, re-settled.... AT LONG LONG LAST... “MEAL”! AT AFTER 18.00. (Bret Baier was on.) By 19.01 everything was done... dishes and all. I stepped out for a porch-smoke and to close the cellar door. The pilot was still lit. That's comforting... for now. - And so, as I type at 21.45 I can't believe this day is THIS LATE already! I'm rather amazed! - Oh... I MIGHT have to go to Keene for the second interview. 15 miles away and half the distance to Lake Placid... HANNAFORD'S! So we shall see. - Good news too... even with all the budgeting that was done and the bill-paying... and the shopping, there's still about 200 left over! (Not good, considering it has to last 4 weeks, but with the radiator paid and mattress cover and the part for the truck... I'll figure something out. And maybe, with VT FS cancelled for August, NY FS post on the 5th Sept. I MIGHT get a bit of that there on time for something more to eat. One never knows... I'm not planning on it but... ) - And so, I DO believe I'll have a tea or hot water before bed tonight... and soon... VERY soon, I'll be under the covers. I AM TIRED! It's been a WONDERFUL day and ALL MY BILLS ARE PAID! A-FUCKING-MAZING! - 23.38Smoke and bed.

Thu.29.Aug: ICE IS BROKEN. ALDEN HAS SEEN THE PLACE. SMOKING HAS BEEN OK'ed. AND TODAY'S NEWS: AT ABOUT 14.30 OR SO YESTERDAY... JOAN WENT TO E-TOWN HOSPITAL 8.49 I “slept-in” until the “8.00” alarm this morning. (7.47 on the “regular” clocks, that.) Still, I feel I could go back to bed and sleep for another 8 hours, considering that I actually DID get to “lights out” by almost mid-night and, with ONE exception of ONE right leg cramp, slept through the night. BUT... here I am, 2nd coffee at hand, the cellar door is open, (the pilot light is on... OMG), I've had a quick half of a porch-smoke, sprayed the boots with some vinegar (hoping the mildew will die and the boots won't take the odour of the vinegar but...), and I'm dressed, the bed's made... windows open... it's bloody 19° already. And another day rolls in and along. Let's just hope I don't have some sort of “end interview today or tomorrow. I just don't cherish the thought of the drive. Sick that, when I think of the “old” days when I'd've DELIGHTED in the very notion of the adventure o'er yon mountains, through yon valleys. Alas, alas. Mayhaps one day, afore I die. - Never mind. This day will be what-ever... I want it to be or it wants to be. - 9.45 I step over to the PO to inform Ms. Biddy-Precious that her money order machine is set to 2018, Becky and I have a charming chat and Ms. Biddy gets an attitude-tone about... “Oh! Alden's here. Probably because you have a problem.” Well, we got into the “problem” and she said “Didn't Coby fix it?” When I said that I check the pilot every morning and night, and that he'd said he was going to send somebody else and left... she tells me that he told her that he needed to order a part. Yeah? Well... since I'm the one who doesn't get the water and needs the service... you tell ME... NOT the post office. So when I said I won't be calling for repairs any longer, I'll do it my-self, she says “They can sue you.” Yeah? Well... again... They're about to learn... and so are the rest. I'm “tingling” right now... time to take off and take a walk and do something... some-where else. Not to mention: Alden's in town, AT ALVIN'S, and... no word? NOT a happy day. (And I want a smoke... and am looking at a bit of a drive. Perhaps... Ticonderoga... sheets for the windows?) - 12.05 Well... Alden's been in the place. First words as he walked in the front door... “The place is immaculate.” Then he joked with Alvin, when HE came in “I wish I could get him to clean this place a little bit.” and they laughed. We talked about the water heater. I told Alden of the “He'll evict” and “He's particular”... and the rest. He describes this as a “Win-Win”... So he approves and that's all I needed. FINALLLY! THAT issue is done. And I was on the verge of heading to Ticonderoga today, Walmarde, for curtains for the front windows... but mostly to have a smoke! NOW... I can have my smoke on the porch or away from the house. “As long as it doesn't bother anybody, especially the post office”. HEY! As Alden left, I was out front, having my smoke, he drove up, handed me some garlic (probably from Alvin) and I held up the butt-jar and said “No butts”. “Very good.” he said. I intentionally had that smoke, with Alden in town, Alvin on the front porch. There... people have seen. No “chat” about it. - Meanwhile, Vivian now has my phone numbers AND has even asked if I'd participate in the “cat care” circle... Apparently they're going away for 3 weeks and there's a bit of a “triangle” of cat owners, them, Joan and the folks in the large, old house down the road, who cat-sit. I'm “in” with that. How charming. - As for the water heater... Alden was told that repairs had been made. He was surprised when I told him that I'd re-lit Sunday and Monday. So, now we see how things work round here: Folks do and don't tell or they don't do and tell they did. Oh well... At least, at the very least, Alden's seen how this place is being cared-for. I'm relieved. - Oh, and Joan told Vivian about my work on that exhaust yesterday. Apparently it made a bigger impact than I thought... as usual. I can't help but think of Ev having said, quite some time ago “You endear yourself to people.” Well... better that than being hated. (It also makes putting up with Biddy that much easier.) - And so, as the skies cloud a bit, but the air is warm, I want something to eat. Don't feel much like heading into Ticonderoga now. “Not now. Maybe later.” or something of the sort. At least the “pressure” is off... and all is well... or, as well as it could possibly be. The smoking was the big issue. I don't have to “hide” any longer. YAY. - 21.05 JUST OUT OF A SHOWER AND A PORCH-SMOKE TO THE SOUNDS OF COYOTES UP ON THE RIDGE! HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT? OMFG AND SHIT! And the “thermocouple” on the water heater has been REPLACED! ALDEN CAME BACK TO REPLACE IT this evening! And tonight, I'm feeling quite “at home”, MUCH more comfortable than ever, having been able to talk with him. - Joan is still in hospital. Might be back tomorrow. It's a strange sort of feeling, being in here alone. And I have the “anxiety” of anything happening to her and that place having to be rented again. With the “track record” of this place... I NEED to be concerned. I wish I knew of somebody else who'd want to take it... in the event. - Well? I didn't go anyplace today. Didn't “need” to. The sheets I want at Walmarde won't be in until September or October. The nicest woman in the Ticonderoga store was kind enough to be honest enough to tell me so. So? So. But tomorrow, I might head to Hannaford's for food and COFFEE! A nice, calm drive up o'er the mountains to see what can be seen. Now that the part is ordered for the flashers, I feel a bit more comfortable about it. (Although, yesterday, I noticed that there's a plastic part across the wind-shield that's loose and “clicks” about when the wipers are on. The shit with this truck never ends!) But for tonight, clean, showered, more gas used from the tank. The more I use, the better. Damned shame I couldn't have Avery just deliver the new tank, leave this one attached until and come back to hook it up. (I probably might be able to but... I don't want to be bothered. Hell. If Alden knows somebody who could use the tank and gas... I'd tempt Fate and loan it to him.) Anyway anyway... here we are... the last night of 63 years of age. Finishing 63 years. I've come home to die. One of these days. One of these days. - “Meal” was quite filling. A whole burger with a lot of rice and black beans. No dessert. I was to fucking lazy. (I wonder if I can get ice cream back from Lake Placid. Oh, that just sounds silly... “Ice cream from Lake Placid”. But that's how it is. If not... I might give in, just go into “E-town” for it. Ice cream... birthday... and a fresh bottle of vodka. I still have but...) - Soc.med. time and bed. Tomorrow is another day... just another day. Although I mentioned the birthday to Alden who said “Oh. Happy birthday.” to which I replied “After the 14th, they get to be nothing more than tedious.” - So, so much for that. - OH! I DID get some photos of the hummie out front this evening. They're precious! Funny how they come when I step out the door... just like the ones at 5199. - Well... off I go... to... no-where as usual.

Fri.30.Aug: 0.16 FUCK ME! WELL! HERE IT IS. ANOTHE BLOODY FUCKING YEAR! FUCK! But I've had two rather light c-tons with that cran-pom juice, a bit of “Minds” and a couple of porch-smokes. I'm going for a pee (in the loo basin... BECAUSE I CAN AGAIN! FUCK!) and another porch-smoke... (BECAUSE I CAN AGAIN... FUCK!). And then? Hopefully to a night's rest for a while. What's to be with this day? I don't know, don't care, didn't want it anyway. - 0.51 I just smudged the place, something I've wanted to do for a while now. Saged, room to room, corner to corner, cubbies and all. And when done, replaced the water in the vase for the table, 7 rinses. The ashes went down in the kitchen basin, to become part of the ground-water from the septic tank. I took the left-over smoke from the jar, stepped onto the porch, and as I had my smoke, a fog rose, but only from the ground of the “boarding house” across the road, and the slightest bit from the pavement just at the edge of the “property-line” to the north of this parcel. As I stood on the porch, having my smoke, a drift of fog, from no-where, really, drifted by the edge of the porch. When I'd stepped out, I didn't close the front door, rather, I left it open. It silently opened, full, and I left it that way. Directly across the road, in the back yard of the place with the “yard and porch sale”, where that South American woman is living with her 2 children, the motion-sensor light came on... but ever so dim. Unusual because it wasn't lit when I'd stepped out, stayed every so dimly lit for a moment... then when out again. WHAT rose from the ground of the house to the North? What passed the back yard of the house across the road? WHAT passed, in a “ball” of fog, across the front porch of this house? Earlier today, when I'd stepped out as Alden had been standing there talking with “Jeff” and Alvin, they were discussing somebody who'd been stabbed to death in this place when it was the store. Alden said it was a Black man. The question: Did he bleed? The reply “Did he bleed? Like a slayed pig!” He was stabbed... to death... in this building. It never made “history”, save the local “legend”. Alden had said that, during an out-break of “plague”, bodies were “stored” up-stairs, until they could be “disposed of”. This house reeks of death. And so I wonder: I saged with a good heart, stated that I was not here to dispose, to evict, but to state that I'm here to be in harmony with whom-ever, what-ever spirits might be here. I have to wonder... the fog rising only from the front yard of the “once upon a time” boarding house/hotel”... the “ball” of fog passing by the front, the bit of fog rising from the pavement. I have to wonder. But, in my gut, there's no tension, no terror. Tonight's sage was meant to be. Joan is away. It was meant to be. The future will be interesting. I wonder who/what is in the cellar. - Meanwhile, I'm tired but hungry but want to sleep but don't, but want to eat but there's nothing easy to eat and I'm not really actually hungry. I've had 2 drinks... I'll have a juice-only and get to bed. It's the 30th... This has been a revealing few months of late... the revelation of the actions of the mother I used to hold so dearly... the history of the family... being here... and these odd circumstances just now. I've no doubt: Things are about to become “interesting”. - Let's see what happens with Joan. And all the while, “Little Girl” is next door, alone. I wish I could go get her and keep her company. Her people is gone... poor thing. She could be here if she'd like. I'd take care of her, keep her company. I just hope she's OK over there. Alvin is to keep watch. Maybe next time... if there is a next time. - 1.18 And all Journals are up-to-the-moment. I had to get them out now... with the account of what just happened. - My birthday... hmmm.... - 2.01 Going to bed! - 8.44
Up at about 8.00, feeling ... 2 drinks last night but nothing “serious” because
Down to the cellar to RE-LIGHT the water heater.
Just another day.
Up to the kitchen and grab the phone to find....
A text message from Amanda: Could I come into the store at 8.30 this morning
(If not, it's OK because it's sudden and late notice.)
Ring Amanda, leave a message, telling of the water heater situation. I'll call back when I know.
Ring Alden and we agree to wait until the new tank and fresh gas get connected.
He's already thinking “new water heater”. I'm hoping HOPING not!
As I say... “Just another day.”
64 years of general shit and fuckery, this is nothing at all. I shall “LOL” it, and move along. - Meanwhile, pondering a roll to Lake Placid for groceries or, at the very least, ice cream from E-town. I don't know. Should get something for tonight's “meal”. I have rice, beans, and a bit more frozen beef. But it would be nice to get more coffee and such... and NOT at “FamDoll” prices. Again... we shall see. Right now, I'm having first coffee and planning on washing the new bed-sheets... for when the new mattress cover arrives which will hopefully be before the “holiday” which comes on Monday. (Poor Alden, concerned about my hot water for the holiday. Imagine that.) - And so... on with... “Just another day”. - 11.48 Just up from the bridge... and another container of water for the plants. It's a “strange” sort of weather. A few clouds here and there, nice breeze, but there's a bit of a “coldness” to the air. Not uncomfortable, but the “chill” is “there”... some-where. And it's gone all sorts of quiet in the hamlet, save the rare car passing through. - I'm not in the mood to tempt Fate today. But tomorrow, at 11.00, I have my second “interview” for Stewart's. So? We'll see how THAT goes. I still need to get into town for a bit of something to eat, though I'd truly rather not piss my money away... at “Top's”. But, it's still a far cry better than having to drive or walk 11 miles to get stuff. - Notice from “Amazon”: “Your shipment will arrive Sept. 7.” Fuck! A whole week AND on a Saturday! It's not so much the mattress cover as it is that damned “relay”. I don't much want to “work” on it on a Saturday, would rather have it done during the week, especially since it's one of the main reasons I'm not travelling... no indicators, not a good idea, especially in Lake Placid where, this week-end, the “holiday”, there's sure to be traffic. I don't even want to go into town... but that's just a “gotta do”. - Note this morning: The “Demings” are building some sort of large structure, on their property, beside the road, clear sight, and this morning, some talk about a “building permit”. Ms. Biddy commented to the Senior that they should have known the Junior needed a permit. “I've NEVER gotten a permit.” says the Senior. “If it did anything to help my building and it was free I MIGHT consider....” Yep. Here we are, off the beaten trail, as it were, and the “rich folk” believe themselves to be “above”. Now... were *I* to try that shit. (Actually, I'm waiting for the comments about the registration on the truck... still a “green plate”. But, I have to think the locals already know what they're dealing with when it comes to me... “Nice guy. Just don't fuck with him.” We shall see. - Got a couple of messages from Dorothy this morning. “Birthday” stuff. (Just another day.) And tomorrow at 11.00 confirmation. So? So... the day rolls along. - The “new” linens are hanging. Sheets in the shower, pillow case on the rack on the back porch. And there's hot water for now. I'm a touch on the “hungry” side. There's an egg... some bread crumbs... a “fritter”. But I believe I'll be “napping” in a moment. Why not? Nothing else that needs immediate attention. Then, I can roll into town, pick up ice cream and such. (I was thinking of another vodka whilst I can. We shall see.) - 18.08 “Meal” of a hot chicken )that tasted like old bacon grease) from Tops and 3 faux Kaiser rolls. Filling. Food. Done. And the dishes are drying in the rack. The house is “settled” again. Yes, I went to Tops AND got ICE CREAM! 6$ ICE CREAM... BUY ONE GET ONE FREE! Still... 3$ is a bit much but... HAPPY BIDET TO ME! FUKKIT! (Also splurged and got TWO packs of smokes.) BUT... when I got back and did the “financials”? ONE of my debits was keyed as a credit and I'm now about 100$ UNDER what I left here thinking I had. Good thing I didn't “splurge” and get a porch rocker (80$! they have GOT to be insane). Still... the truck made the trip and so, here I am, back at the farm with “news”. - Joan came back today. Thankfully... for the sake of “Little Girl”. And yes, I stopped over there after the shopping. The “NEWS”? Joan tells me ”You're officially accepted as part of New Russia.” Seems Alden made quite the “do” over how well I'm keeping this place. Alvin and Vivian have given their “approval”. In fact, according to Joan, Alden made a statement about how much he appreciates having somebody here who appreciates all the work he puts into a place. Hey. I may have my short-comings, but taking care of other people's property perfectly well has never been one of them. - In other news, the weather turned quite nice. And the new sheets are now washed and dried. All morning, they hung in the shower, getting no closer to dry until... 5 minutes on the rack in the air out-side and DONE! I HAVE to figure a clothes line out there... some-how. - So now, there's a beautiful breeze blowing through the place, the sun is POURING IN through the windows and it's actually a delight to be here. - Joan drove over to Alvin's at some point so she's visiting. New Russia is calm and bright and here we are... tonight. And I'm just in from a smoke. In a bit, down to check the water heater. Have to decide between shower tonight or tomorrow. - Oh... and Joan and I are due for a “road trip”. She shops at Hannaford's and needs to go to Plattsburgh so she said she needs the company and WE'll be making the trip... She mentioned tomorrow but I'm hoping not. Sunday or Monday would be better and fine. (And I'll go broke, but that's OK too... at least I'll get my coffee!) - I could use a snooze too. But I'll have to ponder that. - Was hoping to have a drink (or two) tonight. With an interview tomorrow... one, if any. Oh well. I suppose it's probably for the best... health-wise. - 24.01 and I'm going to regret this in the morning but I don't much care right now... So in order to catch-up, I'm just going to include the post I just made on the “Author's” Minds account. It covers my shock, amazement and humbled gratitude.

@cmadzier @Kbug68 @naturespirit @tomtomandt @Willieleev1971
I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks… (William Shakespeare)

“Thank you”... When we stop everything we're thinking of for just a moment in a day, & focus on these two, one-syllable words, put together to express what seems these days, a rapidly dying human emotion, the expression can become a lot less trite because the reality is, when the expression is sincere, when it comes from the heart, it's the greatest sound that can be made, the greatest statement that can be written (or typed).

Today, I, who can be (I'm told) almost intolerably verbose, unable to carry on a “chat” of less than an hour, am honestly & most sincerely, at a loss for words. Try as I've been doing, I can't find an expression that actually conveys my gratitude to those of you who've sent, in so many different ways, birthday greetings, best wishes & even the simplest acknowledgement. For now, let me just say that I can honestly doubt you'll ever know the actual impact your kindnesses have had. I'm appreciative and humbled to think that little me, a general nobody in this great & grand old world, could be worthy of you taking time out of your day, your life, your social media moments to be acknowledged. It truly is something I'd NEVER, in ALL of my life-time, EVER imagined, thought of, entertained, amused my-self with or about. Quite frankly, my mind is reeling from it, to the point of being at a loss for words to express the actual feelings.

Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.(Karl Barth) and today, my joy is indescribable. THIS has been THE MOST (& with-out any exaggeration, rest assured) amazing day that I can think of or remember, hard as I try to find one to compare it with/to. From direct experiences here at home to the messages I've read here through the day, it's just been unbelievable. Me, some silly old, stodgy (as I've been described by those who've known me rather well over my years), opinionated, sometimes polite but mostly surly, bad mannered, ill-tempered, sometimes down-right vulgar if not out-right insulting, always strongly opinionated, obscure little shit, receiving best wishes & delightful greetings from people in places I've never been to (& probably never will get to)... IMAGINE THAT! I couldn't even, if it weren't for the fact that I can scroll a “newsfeed” here & revisit the postings!

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.(Albert Einstein) Today has actually been quite a “miracle” to me. Silly as it might sound, it has been, indeed. From the moment the day began when I decided to get up and out of bed (after a bit of thought & consideration, to be sure), right through to the moment I'm composing this message.

Birthdays have never been much of anything to me, other than anniversaries of an event (somebody did something at some time and some body happened... to reference a “current event”). They're really kind of similar to the turning of the odometer when suddenly there it is: time for another oil change. And for the most part, they haven't even been that much. I've come along this road of “Life” to think of “holidays” as little else than an opportunity for somebody else to cash-in on frivolities. You know: Make a holiday, make it “chic” to send a card that people will have to go out and buy & then spend on postage to send and such. (The fact that not everybody celebrates all of the holidays has made it all the easier to simply ignore all of them. And no, I really don't “miss” any of them any more. If surrounded by “merry-makers”, I know there are plenty of places to go to where those around will simply say “What 'holiday'?”) Birthday? It's almost like “New Year”. On “New Year's Day” we have to make sure we've gotten a new calendar. (Which is why I call it “New Calendar” day.) On birthdays, it's just the reminder that we've managed to make it through a 365-day time-frame & are beginning the next one. WE, those who were born on a particular day/date... not the entire Universe. Congrats... you did it. Tomorrow somebody else will do it. Yesterday somebody else did it... WHAT-evUH.

But this one has been remarkable... particularly in TWO specific manners: 1. A little over a month ago, I managed to actually move into a little hamlet that for a great many years I merely amused my-self thinking about, hoped, in a way, that, in my “old age”, I WOULD find, move into & there, see my “countable days” out. Well, today, I'm IN that very place, AND, being in a hamlet of 140 people (according to the official census... but I'm still trying to find the other 130) it's not easy to become a part of the established folk, & certainly almost impossible to be invisible. Well, today, I was informed “Like it or not, you've been accepted as much a part of this place as the rest of us. You fit in perfectly. You're as crazy as the rest of us are... and funny, but it looks like you came that way.” C'mon! Shut the front door! I've made it perfectly clear that I'm not desperate for “friends” but I most certainly don't want any more enemies. Well Hell's bells. “fit in perfectly”. My idle reveries just became factual realities.
2. I'm not now, never have been, never even had the notion of becoming any sort of “celeb”, in life nor, especially, on the Internet. I've participated in the “social media” over the years, posted my observations, opinions, quotes I happen to like, references to others, a few images here and there, but just as another obscure person in some obscure place, no more important than the folks who drive by our houses, in cars we've never seen before, license plates from places we've never been & probably never will get to. But today, the well-wishes and the VIDEO, from people here whom I've come to admire, to one extent or another for one reason or another in some manner and fashion or another... THIS is where I'm at a complete loss for words because I'm SO thankful to you all, for taking & giving of your time to acknowledge me.... a general nobody. Not THIS is what the word “incredible” was invented to describe.

Me? Somebody who wrote a book that some folks found amazing but many found vulgar and insulting. But me, somebody who created this little “channel” here, on Minds, just to keep the book going, in a manner of speaking. (Because this channel actually is a continuation of the book... the “sequel” that was suggested, recommended even requested... and that maybe, now that I've found my “Xanadu” here in these mountains, I might just get around to composing... especially when the Winter snows start falling & sealing the exists of the house... I “lol”... but only just a little). I'm in “awe”... & I suggest a look-up of the word because yeah, I am.

Bottom line (imagine... I'm “speechless”... could you imagine if I wasn't?): “Thank you”... is what I need & want to say. If making a great difference in somebody else's life has any part in your own heart, know that today, you've made more of a difference in the time it took to type and post than most celebs & other such could manage over their entire life-time! I am much & greatly obliged to you all, sincerely. I've been taking breath for one year short of 6 and a half decades and in all that time... THIS day has been a MOST memorable & remarkable... and you all are responsible for that “miracle”... Thank you. May your kindness today be returned to you not less than 100-fold... repeatedly.

There.. done. I've had my one drink, been out in the chilly night for a smoke. Time for the last of the day, the teeth brushing and off to bed. (I should rinse the shower before though... I've had it soaking the scouring powder all day.) Oh well... That's that, this is this, another fucking birth-anniversary done... and now we commence year 60-fucking-FIVE! TEN FUCKING BLOODY FILTHY YEARS MORE THAN... FUCK!

Sat.31.Aug: 1.04 and time for bed. The shower got scrubbed. Last smoke been had and... day one... year 65. Fuck. - 8.22 AND again, as has become the “routine”... RE-LIGHT the H20. (I'm just thankful that it DOES re-light.) - Anyway, feeling shitty this morn. Tooth-ache lower right. Could be a bit of chicken in there from last night. But at 5.36 when I first woke, there was NO way I was staying awake. I mean... 4 hours? Nope. So I got up, pee'ed, went back to bed until about 7.30/7.40. but by 7.47 the coffee was on the make, I was dressed and so to toddle out the door, morning smoke and the rest is the rest. - Surely not enough sleep last night but I woke on my own and so here I am. In a bit, 'twill be time to shower a touch, dress and roll. Second interview this morn in town. Thankfully, nothing more on the agenda and hopefully, Joan won't want to go to Plattsburgh today... HOPEFULLY! I'm truly not in the mood. The drinks last night? I doubt it. Perhaps... age. What-ever. But here we are, coffee at my side... another day rolls along. It's sunny out there. I suppose that's good. - 12.03 Back from second interview with the DM and it looks like I'm “employed” again. Hooduhthunkit. - 21.18 I WAS SO looking forward to watching “Guttfeld” tonight but there's been another horrible shooting, in Texas, and that's cornered the Fox. So? So... Anyway... I'VE INSTALLED THE METAL STRIPS AT THE CARPETING EDGES TONIGHT! Screwed them in, instead of nailing. Two silver, two brass. I don't much care how they look, the carpet bits are up and the carpeting is secured. MUCH safer (since I've been tripping over it all). And it does look much neater, more “finished”. Next? The front door. Not that it's completely necessary but that too, will look better. When I told Joan that Alden gave me the “go ahead” she said “That's saying something because he doesn't usually trust ANYBODY doing anything on his property.” Well? It looks like I'm officially a “New Russian” AND I have the trust of THE Alden Harris. (Now, if we can get the hot water situation settled...) - Meanwhile, this evening, at about 17.00, I had to make another run into town. Joan wanted one of those pre-cooked chickens from Tops because she's feeling so shitty from the Prednisone the hospital put her on. So I went. (I got yoghurt and bread for me too whilst there.) But she INSISTED I take 5$ from her to pay, AND she gave me MUCH MORE than the half chicken she said she'd give me. (Truthfully, it's in the freezer... because I have MUCH more than a half a chicken that I bought only yesterday... I have chicken to eat. Food in the house. Imagine that.) Still, I feel a bit of a shit, having her money. I could put it into the Ti account meanwhile, and get it back to her some-how, or I could leave it in her house at some visit. I just don't want to take it. I've no doubt her rent is exceptionally lower than mine. (Though her place is a bit larger, her bed-room being the entire width of the back of the house, and a nice lay-out... save the kitchen/living area which, well, is “nice” but not completely separate.) Still, she's got a LOT more to consider financially, with treatments and medications and such... AND “Little Girl” to feed (special diet too). I'll see what I can do to get her her money back (of course I will). - So for “meal”, I had the smaller bits of chicken and the skins, fried well. It was filling. Ice cream after. So my belly's full tonight. That's a good thing. - As for the rest of the day? Mostly napping. Last night's sleep wasn't good. This morning was time at the interview. By the time I got up from napping and rolling again, the day had all but passed. I don't care, really. (I'm rather happy about getting those carpet strips installed, quite frankly.) - Tonight, I thought I'd have a drink, watch Guttfeld and go to bed. Not happening. So I'll drop in on the soc.med. and then go to bed. (I probably shouldn't have a drink anyway.) - That tooth, upper right, is still a bit “sore”. I probably broke a bit more on the chicken last night, or on a choco-chip from one of the ice creams (Choco-chip Cookie Dough and Vanilla... yes TWO). I don't know. I just hope this too, passes with-out incident. - And at least there's still about 120 in the account. Not enough for the month, all told. But better than nothing at all. - I'm just a touch tired right now but... I'll give me a little more time. Tomorrow's Sunday... nothing on the agenda. Joan wants to go to Plattsburgh on Monday. I almost dread it but... It's what we do for those we can do for. - Oh well... Dishes are done. The place is tidy. It feels good to see, to know, to be able to say that. - Thought: Not a word from Mme. Gee... have I pissed her off? (As if I could really care.)