THURSDAY, 24 JUNE: MEANWHILE... WHAT A DAY OTHER-WISE! AS HAS BEEN RECORDED ON *** HIS *** JOURNAL... I'VE DISCOVERED THAT YONAH IS A *** HE ***!!! I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THAT HE'S GROWN OLDER OR THAT THE GOOD FOOD HAS MADE HIM HEALTHIER, BUT THE *** BLUE *** ON HIS HEAD SHOWS MORE, AND THERE'S THAT IRIDESCENCE ON HIS NECK, AND I SWEAR I DETECTED THE SLIGHTEST TINT OF “BLUSH” ON HIS CHEST TODAY. I'D HAVE TO MUST SAY... *** HE'S *** A LITTLE *** GUY ***!!! I don't feel too awful about any possible error because, even the sites where doves are being sold (that makes me sick to think) put “disclaimers” that they can't “guarantee” the sex. And there's much written about it being difficult AND often, even “professionals” have made mistakes. So... I've got my work cut out for me now!!! ALL the “she” references on HIS site have to be changed... except in the Journal... I'll leave that the way it is and include today's discovery. BUT WHAT A REVELATION! - AND... TODAY, I WORKED IN *HIS* ROOM WITH HIM ALL DAY AND WHEN IT CAME TIME TO PREP “MEAL”, I PUT MY SHOULDER INTO HIS HOUSE AND PATTED ON IT... HE BOUNCED ON AND GOT COMFY THERE AS I WENT TO THE KITCHEN TO PREP EVERYTHING, AND WE WENT TO THE LIVING-ROOM AND BACK TO THE KITCHEN AND IT WASN'T UNTIL I WENT BACK INTO HIS ROOM TO GET THE LAP-TOP THAT HE FLEW UP TO HIS VANTAGE POINT! - AND, TALK ABOUT “AFFECTIONATE”!!! IT'S BEEN ANOTHER TRULY “LOVING DAY”!!!

Tue.01.Jun: 7.32 12° this morning... 8° again, tonight. Cloudy again, this morning. Sun due... this evening... just before it sets... again. And last night, the last time I recall looking at the clock, just after “lights out” for me... “11:11”... 23.11. Up again at 1.20 this morning for the loo and then, slept through until the “6.00” alarm, which I turned off and dozed until “the call” which came just before the “6.30” alarm which I turned off and got up and out of bed to start the “morning roll”. And now, dressed, in from a smoke on the front porch, Ms. Yonah's pool and drinking waters are fresh, a bit of breakfast served out back, coffee at hand, items on the soak in the basin and figuring how to put the “arms” on the “futon”. Pissed-off because I'm going to have to dip into savings again, this morning, for smokes which I don't want to get but would rather have than not. And what “weighs” is the notion that the year, 2021 is half gone already. - What “weighs” all the more is the “pending doom of the appearance, date and time un-known, of the 'fucking land-lord”. Shame, really, that I have such a dismal anticipation of that. But, I anticipate all sort of fuckerie and bull-shitterie about my “behaviour” round and about the place; mention of lawn-mowing, wood in the garage, my “attitude and personality” around New Russia, “smoking”... YONAH. I'm “miffed”, let's call it that, about a stove that doesn't work, a loo basin that's scratched and rusted, a fridge that sounds like 747 landings at JFK through the night, the cellar shed, the fucking “free-way” round the house that's technically the “drive”... Maybe it's all just “me”... the anxieties that come from “being in a place too long”. OH... and then there's the expected commentary on the issue of the street light on the corner which, I've no doubt, the old thing next door (the “Mayor”... as IT believes itself to be), has made mention of and whined about. SOME sort of “mention” about the pee-oh... all sorts of “disapproval” and, meanwhile, I'm just trying to decide between opening the flood gates and letting all Hell rip or simply patronising with a delightful “Yes, of course...” and then going on about mu own business and affairs. Well? Next month will be 2 years here... EVERY month, the rent due, paid in full, and never mind “on time” but EARLY... as has been the complaint... for 2 years. Fukkit! Fukkem! Fukkitall! - And there we have the morning with an attitude that seems to match Yonah's. She doesn't seem all to happy about much again, this morning. (And to be honest, I'm already ready for a snooze.... THAT'S a shame. I wonder how long I'd have to stay in bed to get a “proper” sleep, or is it just that I exhaust myself with thoughts.) - Oh well, new day, new week, new month... let's just be on with it. Shall we, then? WTAF. - 13.11 So I got the wood cut by about 10.00 and, for the most part, fucked-about until 11.00, “pondering” whether or not I had what it takes to “assemble”. (OK. For the most part, no, I didn't, simply because I just didn't WANT to, so I pissed the rest of the time away, almost literally, on soc.med. in the loo. Not to say that the time in the loo wasn't well-worth it, but still...) THEN, at 11.-something, when Ms. Charmandpersonality departed, I went for the post, the Spectrum bill... they don't skip a moment, and “junk”, and when I got back in, tossed it on the kitchen table and... in a sudden SMACK of being quite rather disgusted with me, pulled the “stuff” from the corner of Yonah's room and... AND... pulled the drill and bits and screws AND... BEFORE 13.00... THE FUTON LOOKS LIKE A FUTON and the back doesn't HAVE to lean against the wall!!! IT'S DONE... except for the mattress. But... IT'S DONE. And it doesn't look “too awfully awful”. It “serves the purpose”... now I can snooze and “seepie-nigh-night” in YONAH's ROOM! (should I be so-moved). And her window is open, her “waters”, refreshed and she's coo'ing in there (I'm in the kitchen) which is something she hasn't done all morning. “Fresh air”? What-ever. At least she's vocal again. - I'm skipping “luncheon” again, today, but have taken “pills”. Today starts the “2-2-2-2”, down another gram and moving toward what I guess will go to “4/day” for a while. We'll see how that works, how I fee. If need be, I'll work my way back up to the 11, but for now... I'll work back to “some-what normal” (2/day? I doubt it). - So there's washing on the rack on the back gallery, the birds are finding their “new feeding area” well-enough (although, I have to note that there's some LARGE bird out there, shitting on the rocks and THAT concerns me... a LARGE bird?). The house has, of course, been Hoovered, after all the sawing and drilling. “Life” goes on and I feel ... “off”... but that's become my “normal” any-way. So now, thinking of “meal” later. Probably franks and... noodles(?) and veggies. I'm pretty much amazed at how “veggie” my intake has become of recently. Making-up for all the years of almost NONE! (I think of the MANY MANY MANY days, weeks, months... YEARS of actually “living” on the likes of “glazed shit 50¢ pastries and un-cooked breaded chicken patties on burger rolls with mustard... FUCK ME! I OUGHT to have been quite DEAD a VERY long time ago... and, at that, pulling 8-10-hour days of “home care”, 4-hour commutes, when I was on the trains and busses... not to mention the WALKING to and from work in a day... and eating SHIT! Is it any wonder I feel this way now? My poor system just isn't accustomed to meat, starch and veg!) - Anyway... here we are and I'm seriously pondering a “snooze”... mostly because I can do so... IN YONAH'S ROOM! (Even though she's still rather “Attack” with me, I still believe she enjoys the company. I just wish I knew what it takes to get her to where she'd come out and take the house. But, she's alive, appears to be “OK”... though there's a blood-stain on the fucking cuttlebone again today... probably from last night when she started to go a bit “fluttery” after getting settled for nigh-night... I just can't win with her!) - And that's that. Time to actually LOOK at today's post. - 21.52 Well, the rest of the day was rather un-eventful, all told. BUT I DID GET TWO SNOOZES WITH YONAH IN! VERY COMFY, THAT “FUTON” and even with-out the mattress! - I did manage to get the iPod up-dated with the latest “acquisitions”. In fact, I JUST finished them! THAT'S why I'm LATE to bed! And I DO could use a shower after the “construction” today. - Yonah is still quite rather “skittish”, but I've read that doves will love you but many will NOT want to be “touched”. So, since she's not a “domestic”, I suppose that's how she'll be: “cozy only when SHE wants”. No matter. She's still my heart and soul. And she's now tucked-in for the night. I've tossed the cuttlebone. There was a spot of blood on it this morning! Again! She had a “fluttery” moment last night after lights went out and, well... I don't know if that bone disturbs her in there, but the last time I tried one, it was the same thing. She doesn't “use” it and she gets her calcium in her grit so... it's gone. No more of THAT! Poor sweet-heart. She's been through so much any-way. - Oh... and this after-noon, there were 3 or 4 mourning doves IN their “enclosed garden”! So they ARE finding it. And the bird shit? I'm thinking it's the crows. I've seen a few of them “checking the place out”. I'll keep an eye on it though... just in case the hawks spot it as well, though there's nothing in there to attract them, save the little ones. - And the sun FINALLY made an appearance... late this after-noon. Tonight is the last of the “single-digit” nights (for a while) and so, Yonah's radiator is on for the night. - Now... I'm off to have my “snack” before bed. I want something in my stomach over-night... with the naproxen in there. And then... shower and bed! - Tomorrow... I'll HAVE to dip into savings to get kitchen roll and smokes. Oh well... as usual... the day before money comes in. Oh well... indeed. Fukkit! Wont' be “years” more anyway. - And I have to get “May” onto the servers before bed too! - 22.25 Journals are posted.

Wed.02.Jun:(* PICKED-UP LAWN-MOWER FROM WADHAMS) 7.07 New tunes playing first thing this morning and... I SLEPT THROUGH... COMPLETELY... LAST NIGHT... for about 6,5hrs anyway! COMPLETELY THROUGH! And now? Lavage on the soak in both basins, Yonah is up, but it looks like another day of not feeling well... she's on her perch in the corner and puffed. It's not “cold” in here this morning and her room is warmer, of course, but there she is and I don't know what's going on. Her “stools” from last night are DARK, well-formed, but there's that “green” that leeches into the kitchen roll. They're dark with the white, but it's about the “green” and her general lethargy. How I WISH I could figure how to get her into the sun-shine! This place is making me SICK with annoyance. The fucking traffic through the drive! (And last night, last thing, I looked for flats. Well? Deb said “It's out there for you. Wait...”) If only she'd FLY! JUST FLY! - Had my morning pills, half-smoke serving breakfast in the back. Now, just waiting for “town” to wake up and get to busy. Transfer from savings to chequing and Aubuchon's for more for the “Birds In The Back”, Market for a few items, FamDoll for kitchen roll and smokes and the rest of the day... what-ever it brings. There's so much more of Yonah's Journal to be done and tomorrow's “budget” to plan for (at 7.00). Tomorrow... as if. - Meanwhile... time to get “rolling” with... rolling... another day... rolling... - 16.16 OK... SO... the day...
THIS MORNING I WENT TO AUBUCHON'S, GOT SOME 8$ “VERSA CHEM - TIGER PATCH” MUFFLER/TAILPIPE QUICK PATCH” TAPE... FUCKING NONSENSE!
That said... transferred the funds in the NY a/c and indeed, out the door by shortly after 10.00 and to FamDoll for kitchen roll and smokes... charming chat with Ms. Casey who was... “maskless”, I'm happy to note. Next to Aubuchons's for bird seed and the afore-already-mentioned “repair shit”. Then, on to market for stuff in general where I met Deborah in the parking lot. Asked about her jars and she said “If you want to” when I asked if she wanted them back. Then... she... DOUBLE-MASKED! Says she's been “jabbed” but she has an “auto-immune” concern. Hey! I can't blame her for being cautious. So it was “better understanding” for me and I appreciated that she took the time to chat. Folks don't do that 'round these here parts. - In the store. Out of the store and back to the house where... I prepped the chicken that I got and had some toasted cheese sammiches for mid-day pills and then... TRIED to have a “snooze with Yonah” BUT... THE PHONE! I missed it but it was Alden. So I rang him back. Said he, “Alvin told me that the lawn-mower broke.” Yeah, dip-shit... LAST YEAR ALREADY... FUCK! Fine, he had one, at his place in Wadhams. So he gives me the “location” and tells me a house number and I let it go at that. Fine... - OK. I should've put that “patch” on the tail-pipe anyway so I scrapped the snooze and went to the back and applied the tape... properly, so I thought. Directions say to drive for 20 minutes so I thought the trip to Wadhams would cover that nicely, and so it would have, had the fucking tape not come un-affixed which I didn't see until I got back! ANYWAAAAAAAAY...the house is at the corner where the “bakery” is. So I got to the bakery and when I went to inquire as to which house was Alden's... GAY FLAG, BLM FLAG, NYS FLAG AND SUCH AS SHIT-RAGS WOULD BE A-FLYIN' IN THE BREEZE *AND* A SIGN: “MASKS ARE MANDATORY”!!! WHAT A FUCKLIBTARD HOLE! Scratch THAT one from any “List of Living”. Made me sick... literally. So any-what... I walked over to the house, found the “little mower”... “Bolens”... ought to be good, I should might think. Noted ON it: “Check oil before every use”. Oh here we go... EXPENSE ALREADY! OIL. GAS. FUKALL. So I rolled it across the road, hoisted it into the truck and drove back to the house. It's in the garage and the other one is out-side the garage... on the Hill... if anybody wants the piece of shit. (I've half a mind to take it to “Justin” and THROW it at him... but that's only “half” a mind.) - And so, now, its warm... quite. “Feels” as if it wants to rain but just can't, for some reason. There's a nice breeze blowing. Doors and windows open. And Yonah? She was “lounging in the moss” when I got back and since, has had a bite to eat and is flitting from perch-to-perch. We're both listening to her “Birdies Playlist”. But I have to get to meal now... - 20.20 Had a lovely chat this evening, with Nancy, as she put flowers in the “pot” in the “park”. Says she, they'll be having some sort of “party” “soon” and inviting Vivian, “The Mayor”, Dan and me. (I'm already not attending but didn't say so, of course.) And then, moments ago, Pattie, from Lakota stopped at the corner to chat. She's looking for another place because the owner is selling. She's been there 5 years, July. She needs 3 bed-rooms though and wants to stay in the area. So I'm not the only one “looking”. - And the warm weather has arrived and with it... BLACK FLIES! - I'm thinking, tomorrow, I'll get the gas and oil for the mower, go out and rake the yard and see about mowing. It's supposed to rain so... - And tonight, all of the planters on the front porch too TWO FULL watering cans FULL of water and even at that, could soak more. They were so DRY! It's amazing. - My fingers are sore tonight. I had to use that “Goof Off” to get the black tape-shit from the exhaust off and WOW did that hurt! And now, my fingers are sensitive. - And Yonah is now tucked-in for the night. Sadly, the futon makes it a bit more difficult to put the “blocks” up but I'll think of something. Tomorrow morning, I'll order the mattress. Can't really afford it but I see no reason why I shouldn't. As long as rent and electric are paid... and the loan. That's that. - So now, have take night pills. My chest is getting that “rock” back in there. Could be from anything, I suppose. Oh well... we'll see. (The vit.C. had better arrive by Saturday as promised or I'll lose it!) - I'm off to bed soon now. A hot water and a Brit, a shower and done. Why? Not sure. It's not as if I'll be up any later tomorrow morning... and at that, well before “banquing” hours, to be sure. But I'm tired... just tired. - 22.18 Yes, again... and I'm off to the shower... - 22.53 Showered. Checked to see “long term use of naproxen”.... Imagine, for arthritis, 1500mg/day prescribed! I'm FINE! And checked to see if June's rent cheque is in... no, but Soc.Sec. is there so I need to “snooze”... busy day ahead... bills... first fucking thing in the morning....

Thu.03.Jun: 9.33 ALREADY PROVING TO BE A PISS-ARSED DAY!!! Even after almost 8 hours of SLEEP, THROUGH THE NIGHT AGAIN... Up and about by 6.30, usual “morning routine” completed and then, looking forward to “BILL-PAY”, as today is supposed to be. Well! WITH TREPIDATION, THE FUTON MATTRESS IS ORDERED AND IS TO BE EXPECTED ON SATURDAY, WHICH IS FINE, BUT WE'LL KNOW MORE WHEN IT ARRIVES. Didn't cost the 175 I'd budgeted ...123,12 total, so there was a 50$ “savings” to me on that. But, it's the “quality” and I'm not really too sure about that. We shall see. The “reviews” are some-what split, but then again... OK. Done and moving along, got the Avery bill, the Spectrum bill, paid and done. Have made the transfer to pay the loan. Ah... then we get to... THE BLOODY-FUCKING-BUGGERED-USELESS-SERIOUSLY-CLINICALLY-TEXT-BOOK-FUKTARD USPS AND... SCREECHING HALT TO THE DELIGHT DU JOUR! - 19.37 The day is closing, the sun, though carefully hidden behind the yet-lingering clouds, is setting. Thursday is coming to an end... another day... another day. And it became ever-so close to a horror. The WORST... THE AOOP KETTLE HAS SHIT THE SHEETS! I'M USING THE NEW ONE, which holds more water but is larger and “bulkier”. I “washed” it with a “rinse” of vinegar and water, thorough rinse with clear water and a boil. I'm having a hot water now and there seems to be a “bitter taste” to the water. Kettle? Plumbing? The well? Who's to know? But we'll give it a chance. We have little-to-no-choice, really. And “Aoop” has disappeared completely! I wonder what happened. But I posted a little “note” on the Twatsline. “Time will tell”. - In “other news”... after getting ALL the current bills paid, TROUBLE with the bloody USPS site and account! I didn't have the proper info on the “Mots Passe” data-base and ended-up being LOCKED-OUT! It took TWO calls to the arses who call themselves “Customer Service” before I got back in! Twice I put in the “request for call-back” and that became 10.09 USPS CALL BACK. PUT ON HOLD UNTIL 10.13 WHEN I GOT DISCONNECTED WHILST ON HOLD! ANOTHER “CALL-BACK REQUESTED”... AH... AT 11.12... THE CALL-BACK FROM “ASHLEY” WHO TRANSFERRED ME TO “TECH SUPPORT”. TO MY ABSOLUTE AMAZEMENT... ASHLEY ANSWERED AND, AGAIN, AMAZINGLY SWEETLY, MANAGED TO GET ME BACK INTO THE ACCOUNT. BY 11.36... THE BOX RENT WAS PAID FOR ANOTHER YEAR. “Begrudgingly” I'll note. But better to have it than not, and better to keep it than to try changing address. (I wonder what the new carrier would think if I were to put up a box. Never mind.) - So, THAT covered the morning hours and it came time to have mid-day pills and such. But I was in the midst of trying to do the “books” so that had to be postponed for the while. FUTHER-MORE... the check of today's post? The “Box Rent Notice”... dated YESTERDAY! With the dollar amounts and due date HI-LITED in RED! And that was the ONLY piece in the box! Yeah, well, fine. No prob. But after, I was exhausted, simply because of being annoyed... not to mention the “trepidation” of the futon mattress. SNOOZE WITH YONAH! In fact, I had TWO snoozes with Yonah today! It's nice being able to be in the room with her. I snooze nicely and it's such a delight to wake to see her there. She was out today, only briefly and only once. I'm wondering what's going on with her where that's concerned. No desire to be out of the cage, no desire to be i n the rest of the house. She's not “ill”. At least she doesn't appear to be in any way. She's eating... VERY WELL, INDEED. A good sign. But how my heart aches, I so wanted her to be out, flying in the open, freely, with the flock. She's my LOVE, my LIFE, really, and yet, my heart aches for her. And she's not “cozy”, so I can't “hold” her to give her any comfort. I feel inferior, useless, incompetent. But, in my heart and soul I know she's safer here. And there's nothing I won't do to make this her “home”... and to make sure she's well... always... as long as I'm breathing. - Well then, after mid-day and the snoozes, I decided to make more “rent envelopes”... that printer... almost went SOARING OUT THE BLOODY DOOR! HOURS to print 10 envelopes. It's USELESS expect for printing straight pages. WHAT a fucking waste! AND I just put in a new cartridge of black ink! More money pissed out the bung-hole. It all just makes dying all the easier. The world is becoming a living Hell... from printer and computer to politics and “being” in general. It's a good time to be “OLD”. - Because of the printer-shit, the chicken went into the oven after 16.00 AND... I wasn't paying attention so it “warmed” at only 300°F for about an hour! When I went to take it out for meal, the centre was still almost RAW! So, it went back into the oven at 425°F for another hour and for “meal”... I had the wilting broccoli with a few gnocchi, a sprinkle of cheeses and ice cream after. It's not like I'll starve to death because of it. But it was hardly a “meal”, though for some, others, I'm sure it would be typical and most sufficient. It'll do. - After meal, I got the notion to put that “boot tray” out into the back “garden”, up on the stove-pipe. I'm tired of putting seeds out for the birds only to have them devoured by the now-FAT chipmunks! So I HAD to make access either impossible or extremely difficult. That meant washing dishes right away and then washing the “tray”. But I don't mind. Hopefully the mourning doves will figure it all out... hopefully. Some of them in the yard aren't all too bright. I've seen them standing out-side the fence, looking in. One flew up just as high as the fence-top several times but never went IN to eat. Hey! I see Yonah here... she's figured out the food and water “at home”, and she knows how to get out to her place a-top and back in when she's hungry or thirsty. I shouldn't “judge” the rest by her but... I do. So I'll just let them figure it all out. - And... it rained... all day... on and off... all day. Not that there was any place I wanted to go or anything I wanted to do out there. But it got chilly until almost sun-set (as usual) when the sun ALMOST broke through the clouds, heated the air, for a moment or so, and then, now, we're back to “chilly and damp”. But it's time to wrap the day and close it down anyway. - Tomorrow, if weather permits, I'll run into town and get another “repair tape” kit. I'll clip/trim what came lose on the pipe, wrap with the new and secure with some wire this time. Probably on Sunday, earliest, because then, I can run to Walmarde for a “beige” cover of some kind for the futon... if it's too “dark grey” as has been said in the “reviews”. I got the grey because Yonah seems to like the colour. She's more apt to sit on my arm when I'm wearing the “Sherpa” or the grey flannel shirt. So grey it is. (And I wanted to paint her room an extremely pale grey anyway... there's the thought for when... “if”.) - 20.11 already! It seems I only JUST finished meal. I'm in Yonah's room typing. She's coo'ing. And it's getting dark. We're listening to “Pachelbelly”... and the evening is peaceful... thus far. Time to get to changing her pool water and settling her in, and taking my evening pills. - 23.30 Yeah... a “civil” hour to go to bed. No shower. What-ever.

Fri.04.Jun: TRIMMED LIMBS OVER GARAGE, SOUTH-WEST CORNER | MOWED WEST SIDE OF GARAGE, SOUTH SIDE OF HOUSE AND ALONG DRIVE | BOUGHT GAS AND OIL FOR “BOLENS” MOWER
8.55 OK. So I forced me to stay in bed until... 2 alarms and several “IT'S MORNING!” calls. Probably almost 6.45 or so. Only one trip to the loo last night so that wasn't all too bad... I suppose. And then, by 8.00 (almost on the mark), the “regular morning routine” plus refreshing the hummie-feeders was done. Feeling this morning? “Heavy”. Not that it makes any difference. And now, “light in the head”. Not (again) that it makes any difference. - The sun is shining though. And I'm telling me that there's no “rush” about getting into town for the muffler tape... and not much else other than gas and oil for the mower which I won't use until I've raked beside the garage. And there are limbs leaning on the garage that need to be cut. We'll see how much I get done. - I do believe the “Mayors” are away. It was quite interesting to think, last night, in the back, how “alone” we folk are here. It was nice. - And now, the pee-oh is opening, with thumping and shitting-about. So? So. - I've “been” this morning as well so... it's just a matter of getting me together and getting out to the yard which I shall do in short course. Get the raking done and the rest will follow. (I'm in no mood, really.) Surely, there are other little “chores”, but, they'll come obvious... as they do. - Another day... let's see what we can do with this one. - PS: the futon is due tomorrow and there's no word on its where-abouts... NOT, mind, that I expect any. - OH! At 3.32 this morning, a “reply” from my “e-mail” to the Pee-Oh about my account trouble of yesterday. Deleted. - I'm off... time for a coffee and... what-ever will be... will be... to be... or not to be... or what-ever. - HEY! At least Yonah is a-top this morning... woo-HOO'ing to her “play-list”. I have to think of a way to get her out into the sun-shine. - 10.04 Loan paid. Biz done... Next? Electric. But now, I'm heading out to the yard for raking. (Though, I'd prefer to just go back to bed... but NO!) - 14.42 FINALLY... FINALLY... Must have been about 10.30 when I strolled out the door to the garage and... GOT THE WHITE MOWER STARTED! 2 PULLS! YAY ME! So... I got MOST of the West side of the garage mowed before it keeled... so I left it and chatted with Dan for a while. Learnt more about Pattie (she's the one Jeff can't stand) and the prospective buyers of Pattie's place: kids... 7, 10 and 17! FUCK! And chatted about New Russia and the Island and The City and... When I got back to the garage, started the White mower again and ALMOST finished the bit I'd started when it keeled again! So I tried the “Bolens”. 2 pulls and VROOOM! SO, I finished the side and front of the garage and managed the Hill side of the house and around the drive and the little patch behind the house! NICE! *NEXT*... got the ladder out and the saw and cut 3 limbs off the ash at the South-West corner of the garage. They were laying on the roof. All work done... Came into the house and decided to actually “finish” the day off... Into the truck and into town. FamDoll for oil and smokes. NAPA for ANOTHER muffler kit (this one's a pain in the arse... I have to SOAK the “bandage” bit and wet the tail pipe and it has to dry for 24 hours... or idle for 10 minutes... we'll see. Next came the ***NIGHT-MARE***... GAS! $4(FUCKING FOUR FUCKING DOLLARS) PER FUCKING GALLON! So I got a gallon for the mower and 20$ (quarter tank) for the truck... That's up to ,75% which is better than the half tank. We're back up to $80-plus/tank! It was that when I bought the truck. (How I hope those who put Biden into office rot... slowly and for an extremely LONG time... painfully. And no, I'm NOT ashamed of the sentiment.) And so, today's errands done, back in the house to YONAH, who's been alone all day! BUT... I WAS WORKING OUT BACK AND RAND INTO TOWN AND LEFT THE FRONT DOOR OPEN... AND UN-LATCHED! FUCK ME! My senility is running rampant! But at least I have all the banque cards and such... I'm using that ridiculous little “black bag” again. Still... My brain is... I may as well go back to drinking. - MUST say, between the heat, sweating, the sudden burst of “mobility and motion”, my CHEST is steel-bound solid stone! There's a tickle in the throat from the dust and my sinuses are black (again). BUT... BUT... it DOES “feel good” knowing that the work got done AND that I can keep the lawn mowed nicely now. - Bad bit? OH the chunk taken from the banque. BUT... ALL the expenses of the day are current so I can relax about that. - Now, I'm a touch hungry, but it's close to “meal”. I did take my mid-days at about 11.30-ish... but with the little bit of left-over morning's coffee. And right now, I'd like a snooze... The sky is clouding again and I'm in need of a bathing so... we shall see how it works out. Still...: I actually DID something with the day and had NO intention of same! Tah-fucking-dah to me! - I'm tired! - 20.01
***** TWO FOR THE JOURNAL TONIGHT...!!!
1. The vit.C and ginger arrived at about 19.00... new guy on the UPS... delivered TWO bags; one was for me, THE OTHER, FOR SOMEBODY AT Nr.7 ON THE LAKOTA!!! FUCKING POST OFFICE... One of those “Select Post” or what-the-fuck-ever they call it where it goes from UPS to USPS. Yeah? The poor guy saw the “1” beside my door and delivered, NOT to “Ste 1” but “Apt 1”! Fucking address system in this shit-box. Well, more “ammo” for me when/if Alden ever shows up or EVER DARES address me and my situation with USPS again! AND, so, I put on a shirt and strolled down to the Lakota AND JUST as I was walking in, a pick-up comes in. So I asked the driver where Nr.7 is... “That's me.” says he! Imagine that! So we get talking and LO and BEHOLD, he shows me a STACK of “brochures” from Blue Cross... ALL addressed to “Route 9” and NOT Simons Hill NOR Lakota. The carrier dumped a “bundle” in their mail box! MORE ammo for me! He's just leaving them in there for her tomorrow. (I've half a mind to play this up BIG TIME... but both the “clerk” and the “carrier” are “new” so I'll be “kind”... for now... for a while... and no longer. Well then... THE FUCKERIES REVERSE!
2. THIS IS THE GREATEST.... WHEN I GOT BACK, I THOUGHT I'D PUT ONE OF THE LITTLE MIRRORS IN YONAH'S HOUSE, TO SEE HER REACTION. WELL! AT FIRST, I PUT IT BESIDE HER LITTLE CORNER SHELF AND WHEN SHE WENT TO FLY OVER THERE, IT MUST HAVE SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF HER, SEEING ANOTHER BIRD FLYING TOWARD HER, SO SHE FLEW OUT OF THE CAGE AND TO THE TOP! SO I MOVED THE MIRROR TO THE FRONT OF HER HOUSE AT THE END OF THE LARGER PERCH AND GOT HER BACK IN, CALMLY. *** SHE'S FASCINATED! SHE SAW HER REFLECTION AND HER LITTLE HEAD WAS UP AND DOWN AND SIDE-TO-SIDE LOOKING FOR THE OTHER DOVE! SHE SAW *HER* IN THE MIRROR BUT WANTED TO KNOW *WHERE* THE OTHER DOVE WAS! SO SHE KEPT LOOKING *AROUND* THE MIRROR! GAVE THE SITUATION A LITTLE WHILE AND WENT IN TO FIND HER IN HER “MATING POSITION” DOING HER LITTLE “COO”. *BUT*... WHEN I PUT MY HAND INTO THE HOUSE, SHE CAME AT IT WITH A VENGEANCE! SHE'S “BIG SHIT” NOW! NOT HURTING ME, OF COURSE, BUT THE PECKING! SO I RESTED MY HAND ON THE PERCH AND... SHE GOT ON MY ARM AND STARTED WALKING ALONG, UP TOWARD MY SHOULDER, PECKING AT MY ARM ALL ALONG! SHE PERCHED ON MY HAND. PERCHED ON MY FINGERS. AND AS I STROKED HER WITH A FREE FINGER, SHE KEPT PECKING AT MY HAND AND THE OTHER FINGERS. SHE'S SHOWING THE OTHER BIRD WHO'S BOSS IN THE PLACE! BUT NONE OF HER ACTIONS WERE “THREATENING” NOR DAMAGING. AND WE WERE LIKE THAT FOR A GOOD 45 MINUTES AT LEAST!!! SO I'M LEAVING THE MIRROR IN THERE FOR THE NIGHT TO SEE WHERE SHE DECIDES TO “SLEEP” TONIGHT. IF SHE LIKES THE MIRROR, IF IT GIVES HER COMPANY, IT STAYS. IF IT CAUSES TROUBLE, I'LL TAKE IT OUT. BUT NOW, MORE THAN EVER, I WANT TO GET HER A COMPANION SO... 70$ (PLUS, I'M SURE), I'LL HAVE TO TRY... A RING-NECK. “DIAMONDS” ARE MUCH SMALLER SO I WOULDN'T TRUST THAT. A RING-NECK IS ABOUT THE SAME SIZE AND CLOSE IN COLOUR. HEY! IF SHE AND I ARE TO BE TOGETHER... WELL... SHE DESERVES A COMPANION, AND I'M NOT TAKING ONE OUT OF THE WILD JUST LIKE THAT. SO...
Anyway... it's ending on interesting notes, this Friday. - I've just taken the night pills and I'm off for a Brit, then shower and then to bed! Tomorrow will have to attend to itself, being Saturday. But all told, this has been a pretty good day. One thing though, there's a scent of some chemical sort in the house and I don't know where it's coming from and it's annoying. It seems to be on an “air current”. Fucking place, this. - And tonight, the low is expected to b 13° but I think I'm going to leave one of Yonah's windows open a bit. It was rather hot today, and SHE TOOK ANOTHER DIP IN HER POOL TODAY TOO so, 13 isn't “cold” and the house is warm so... fresh air through the night. Beside, her “light block” will also serve to block any sort of “cold wind”. We'll see how it works out. - Now? TO finish my hot water, pour another and start prepping for a night... - What a day. - 22.30 OFF to the shower and to BED!

Sat.05.Jun: 8.16 HEAVY in the chest this morning after a night of CONTRACTIONS, left and right, thighs and feet. So much for getting to bed on time. Life... what a fuck (and no “after-glow”). And with the congestion after the contractions, and the heat... 22° already, 62% humidity, heading to 29°, it's going to be one of THOSE days, to be sure. But, I'm still smiling about yesterday's “UPS-USPS” fukkup. I've made a note to remind me to keep “Shshsh” about it BECAUSE... well... On the “scans”, UPS has passed the parcels to USPS, AT the address where the number “1” is clearly displayed (beside MY front door). And NOW, the “tracking” for delivery is on the back of USPS who will NEVER be able to reconcile delivery because, well, NOBODY's going to receive the parcels... since *I* have done THEIR job and delivered the goods to their destinations. AND, should ANYbody EVER say ANYthing to ME about the situation, HEY! It wasn't *I* who made the fucked-up addresses of “Ste” and “Apt”. What got to me last night before retiring... the USPS wants to be known as “suite” and I, as “apartment”. As if the postal office is located in some fancy, pent-house, all-glass, “haute couture” decorated locale and I'm in... well... an “apartment”. “Suite”? Between the improper addressing of THIS place, the mis-direction of a BUNDLE of business mail to Nr.7... telling Julius and Hannah that their address is incorrect in spite of it being clearly labelled on the electric metre... and ME, paying to have my mail delivered to the very address the postal orifice is located at... OH JOLLY-JOLLY-FUCK THEM! Let the party commence! And then too, there's Mr. A. Harris who finds itself in such a position... “Stop policing the post office.” Jolly-ha-hah-lah-dee-fucking-fuck-you-too. The improprieties, ignorance and fukkups just keep getting bigger and better. (Amazon will now know... as will “Harrah” or whom-ever Nr.7's merch came from.) - Oh, it's the “little” things in life. - Mean-while, I managed to stay in bed until this morning's “7.30” alarm and now, have completed “morning routine”, including being dressed. - YONAH is EXCEPTIONALLY almost “territorial” this morning, but although she still pecks at my hand, fingers and head, she actually got on my arm and we “toured” from her room to the living-room and the moment we got back to the door-way to her room, she took off and headed right for her house! It's almost as if she's “showing-off” for the “other dove”... the one in the mirror! But she seems to be “wooing” the “other one” as well, which is heart-breaking to me. Indeed, time to figure a “mate” for her. The bad part: a domestic dove would be OK, were Yonah to remain in the house. BUT... when something happens to me and I'm no longer “about”, I KNOW it to be a fact that the rest of these dolts will simply put her back out into the woods... and should there be another, that one too, will be “put out”. Yonah has her “natural instincts” and flocks of mourning doves out there... a ring-neck? I'm not so sure. So I'll have to put some research into this before making any further moves. But, for the time, it's nice having Yonah so self-confident. - Now then... 8.35 and the little Troll of the Postal Orifice has arrived. My morning is now, officially “fucked” until 11.45 or “noon” at least. And as for “things to be done”... indeed I have “lazy”... sitting, non-exertive to get to. And I do believe so I shall. (Tomorrow's high is expected to be 31! with... of course... “orages”.) I'd NO intention of lawn-mowing anyway. And the tail-pipe on the truck can wait. We'll see. - Oh... last night, it might have gotten a touch chilly but I left Yonah's window open a bit. Tonight, I'll do the same... let the “cool” in for tomorrow's “blast furnace”. - (I wish this “tightness” in my chest would stop! It's annoying.) - 8.48 THE FUTON IS ON THE FedEx TRUCK FROM “MARCY” (near Barneveld/Russia, imagine DAT!) and “Madame Fuklin” received the “e-card” of “bonne anniversaire” already and replied with... “Merci”... and that's that for that. One word. So, 'would appear “official”... I've hit the height of the shit-list. No prob. I'm probably better off not knowing and leaving “all of that” behind... where it is and belongs. BUT THE FUTON IS ON THE WAY! (Let's just hope I can just put it on the “frame” immediately? Though I suspect it might need an “airing” ... HEY! Just as long as it's in proper condition!) - I'm off... on with the day... what-ever that means. - 15.50 HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL, FASCINATING AND EXCITING DAY! TO begin with, at about 10.00, THE FUTON ARRIVED! Some-what as I might have expected, it was in a large box, opened at the top (not even taped) and “strapped” closed. The delivery was a “snap”. The FedEx guy came, brought it to the door and left. (Funny, the gal at the pee-oh was boxing today's post as the futon arrived. She said nothing. I said nothing. And that was that.) When I opened the box, as some of the “reviews” stated, it was folded in 4ths, so there's the “telling” of how “firm” it ISN'T. But, thankfully, it was clean enough to take from the box and put on the frame, immediately. And it fits just about perfectly! AND, it FOLDS delightfully perfectly! I don't need to put any “holders” or “braces” or the likes on the frame. It sits just FINE! And it's a “darker”, almost “charcoal grey”. Not too dark, not too light. There's several cm. on both sides but pillows will fit perfectly in that space. So the size is wonderful. The fabric is almost “suede”... “microfibre”, obviously NOT “cotton” at all, but the claim is that it “wipes clean” so that's a plus. As for “thickness”... well... the slats are ALMOST palpable under it and I don't see it “holding-up” to a LOT of sitting, but, I DID manage to get a snooze on it for almost an hour! I'd planned on about 30 minutes but when the alarm sounded, I just dozed... it's that “comfortable enough” AND it DOES give a “finished” look to Yonah's room. AND, I CAN see me spending nights on it... with her. So there. That's a “done item” on “Life's To Do”... for as long as “Life” will go on. - Nothing in today's post. But then again, nothing expected, to be honest. The vit.C and ginger arrived yesterday, thanks to UPS. The futon arrived, as promised. (Oh, it was shipped last evening from “Marcy, NY”... not too far from... BARNEVELD! Imagine THAT. There's a “distro-centre” there! HEY!) -
THEN CAME THE *REAL* FUN PART OF THIS DAY!!! TIME WITH YONAH! ON MY ARM. WE STROLLED ABOUT THE HOUSE, ROOM-TO-ROOM, AND WE SAT TOGETHER ON HER FUTON, HER ON MY ARM AS I SAT, CHATTING, CALMLY AND QUIETLY. AND THEN WE MOVED INTO THE LIVING-ROOM WHERE, FOR A WHILE, SHE STAYED ON MY ARM AS I SAT AND CHATTED. SHE MOVED TO THE FUTON WHERE, AS SHE GOT COMFY, I LAID DOWN FOR A BIT AND HAD A 20-MINUTE SNOOZE WITH HER RIGHT BESIDE ME. ONE THING I FIND FASCINATING IS THAT, I WIGGLED MY TOES AND SHE WAS *SO* INTRIGUED! OPENED HER MOUTH, THEN PECKED AT MY FOOT. AND WHEN I MOVED MY FOOT AWAY, SHE FOLLOWED IT. I CAN'T FIGURE WHAT SHE “SEES” IN TOES IN SOCKS MOVING, BUT IT FASCINATED ME TO WATCH. AND THEN... I WENT TO THE KITCHEN TO PUT THE KETTLE ON FOR A TEA (I had my mid-days with left-over coffee at about 12.30-ish and am just in the mood for a tea) AND AS I WAS PUTTING THE KETTLE ON... SHE CAME FLYING INTO THE KITCHEN... DIRECTLY FOR ME! SADLY, SHE LANDED ON THE FLOOR. BUT I PICKED HER UP, EVER-SO EASILY, PUT HER ON MY SHOULDER AND THERE SHE STAYED AS I POURED WATER INTO THE KETTLE, PUT IT ON AND I GOT THE TEA OUT OF THE CUP-BOARD... WITH HER ON MY SHOULDER ALL THE WHILE! WHEN I WENT TO POUR THE WATER, SHE MOVED TO THE BACK OF MY NECK WHERE SHE GOT COMFY BETWEEN MY SHIRT COLLAR AND NECK. WATER POURED, WE STROLLED AGAIN. I'D CLOSED DOORS AND WINDOWS EARLIER BECAUSE WE HAD A MOMENTARY DELUGE, SO I OPENED WINDOWS. IN THE BED-ROOM, SHE TRIED TO TAKE FLIGHT AGAIN BUT ONLY MADE IT FROM MY NECK TO THE ALCOVE. SHE HONESTLY CANNOT FLY ANY DISTANCE! WELL, THAT'S WHY SHE'S HERE, SAFE, IN HER OWN LITTLE PLACE, WHERE SHE'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FOOD, WATER, SHELTER, COMPANIONSHIP, PROTECTION. SO I PICKED HER UP, HELD HER IN MY HANDS, SPOKE TO HER AND BROUGHT HER BACK TO HER HOUSE WHERE SHE IS NOW... TO RECUPERATE AND RELAX WITH “HER PLAY-LIST” ON THE iPOD. SHE HAD QUITE THE SEVERAL HOURS TODAY! (And, quite honestly, so too, have I. The closer we get to each-other, the better I feel... But then too, I have to add, I've been so “heavy” all day today, just generally, that I can't but think: she and I are getting closer together... and... well... with my existence being as it has been, it wouldn't come as a surprise if I'm taken, just as she and I grow closest. I worry, so very sincerely, about what “the others” will do to her if I'm not here. It's grown into a actual “hate” of others, and I really have no right to do so because, well, I don't actually “know” that they'll be dismissive, apathetic, generally ignorant and fucking stupid, tossing her out the door, believing “they know best”. And this bull-shit of hearing “Chris and Megan” being “bird people” just feeds into the bitterness in my heart toward “them”. But again, I really have no right. Who knows? The “bird people” might just be fascinated enough to take her into their hearts as well. One can only hope. Meanwhile, I'll continue doing all I can to make sure I stay healthy enough to be here for her... for the longest-possible while. She truly, literally, actually, factually IS “my life”. And when there is no “her”... I'm out of here. So much for that missive.) MEAN-WHILE... WHAT A MAGNIFICENT EXPERIENCE AND “QUALITY TIME TOGETHER”! (No doubt, by this evening, she'll be back to her usual self, flapping wings, puffing feathers and pecking at me when I get “too close”. WHAT A LOVE!)
And so, now, as I sit, in the heat, humidity, and the din of the bleating traffic, at 16.17, tea at hand, meal in the toaster oven... another day has come, quite quickly, to a close. I was going to put that new “patch” on the truck today but got caught-up cleaning the cup-board under the counter. Besides, it's Shabbat... not a day for “working”, as such. Tomorrow is threatening to be about 32° and sunny. No pee-oh, so I can get up early on in the day, slap the shit on the exhaust pipe and let it dry through the day. I might even run a mower on the rest of the yard. (I told Alvin I owed him a mowing, but, truth is, no, I don't ... ALDEN “owes” him. And I'm a touch miffed about Alden's comment about “He's got 2 artificial knees and I don't want to push him.” So I'll suppose Alvin got on the horn and whined. Let THEM handle the situation... THEY'RE the “best buds” for years. Not to mention that I can't but remember that it's been said that Vivian's actually spent time at the “Harris residence”. NOT “Alvin and Vivian”... just Vivian. Far be it from me to be “judgmental” but... Fukkem... Fukkemall.) I'll keep THIS place tidy, because THIS is my place of residence. The rest can go to Hell. (I keep thinking of Fuklin VT where, I literally took care of the MAJORITY of the land that is “the village” and for what? A proper shafting. Nope. We live, we learn.) - And on THAT note... off to what-ever comes next for the day. The hummies are buzzing and squealing on the front porch, Yonah is recuperating at home, I heard Jeff crunching along the drive, coming from checking on Wombat... doesn't bother to stop and say “Hi” or “Fuck you”. So... the evening rolls in... in New Russia. - 22.50 It's because of the extra day-light hours... it throws me off. So... no shower tonight. I don't need one anyway, I haven't done anything. And tomorrow? Work on the truck, the yard... AND SPEND TIME WITH YONAH! - It's going to be a HOT night tonight and worse tomorrow. Let's see how it all runs... IF...

Sun.06.Jun: LAWN MOWED... FENCE TAKEN FROM NEXT DOOR GARDEN TO MOW 7.49 Late start. One loo trip during the night. Lights out at almost mid-night AGAIN, damnit. BUT... the “morning routine” is done, including coffee and breakfast in the “kitchen garden” AND the bed-room curtains are in the basin, on the soak. 22° out there already! 71% humidity! 32/33° to follow! And me, with “plans” and an “agenda” that includes repairs to the truck and a quick mow in the back (perhaps with a little “land-scaping” to make future mowing easier... HAH!). Well... let's just hope this morning's congestion is relieved in due course because, other-wise, it's a “respirator” for me... if not a “vent”. (Oh, that day is probably just lurking round the bend... fuck me much, thank you please and thanks again.) - Anyway... and to think, I only JUST got out of the bed not even 30 minutes ago! Hey! But Yonah's room is a delight in the morning, now, with what appears to be legit furnishings. One of these days... perhaps painting. (Last night I pondered a coat of white on the kitchen... I ponder a lot... too much, in fact.) And I'm miffed already, this morning: “Alvin says the mower doesn't work.” ALVIN SAYS? You bloody-fucking-bleating-buggered DOLT! YOU TOOK the old mower almost TWO fucking years ago with the understanding it would be replaced. YOU came back twice... with the very fucking mower in the back of the truck... STILL not working! I told you, subsequently... AT LEAST TWICE, IF NOT THRICE, IF NOT MORE, that the mower from Jeff was a piece of shit AND that I'd paid to have it (allegedly... which has already proven a lie) repaired and yet it DOESN'T work! BUT MY WORD IS WORTHLESS... “ALVIN SAYS...” EH? WELL! FUCK YOU... FUCK ALVIN... FUCK THE “FUCKING LAND-LARD”. Yep... nice way to start a Sunday... praise the lard. - OK... time to move along. Things to be done and no sense focusing on the shit-bags du jour. I don't have many breaths left on this earth. No sense wasting them... - And Yonah? Poor Bibiness... SHE was up at her usual and I managed to sleep through the calls. Ah... but windows are open, fresh waters in pool and drink. Her door is open. She's free to travel. And she's her fiesty-ness this morning... All's well with the world. - Let's see what comes along to fuck it up today. Eh? Always a little something to look forward to on that venue. - 20.17 Météo claims it's only 27° but I showered at about 16.30 and before I go to bed, I MUST take another one. It's down-right HELLISH in this house tonight! BUT... WHAT A DAY WHAT A DAY WHAAAAAAAT A DAY! And right now, having checked the forecast, I'm THRILLED I've done it *ALL* today... 33° MONDAY FUCK! But let's get to the list of what's accomplished, even in today's OVEN:
• By 9.00 the curtains from the bed-room were washed and put on the line. Next... • At about 10.15 I walked out the door to put the new patch on the truck. Will this one work AT ALL? I rather doubt it. It went on wet, from the “solution” in the packette, HAD to be held with the wire that came with. It went on easily enough, but not truly “easy”. But it's on there and with the exception of moving the truck to mow, it hasn't been disturbed. The TRUTH becomes obvious tomorrow. (No rain in the forecast and 19° tonight so...
• IMMEDIATELY after putting the patch on, I grabbed rakes and spades and started the yard work. I'd say that was at about 11.30.
• Took that bloody fence down from round the garden next door, rolled it neatly and stored it at the porch over there. Grabbed mid-day pills with much-needed cold tap water. I say “much needed” because urine, though the urge was there, was scant and burned! So, during the day, I made certain to grab more water as I worked... and perspired like MAD!
• Fence down, I transplanted the 3 “hostas” from against the house along the stones on the side of the drive.
• Took the rake and raked the leaves from between the rocks and along the “garden bed” AND the bloody mulch, into the drive.
• By now, the bed-room curtains were dry and I didn't want to kick-up dust from the drive with the mowing so I brought them in.
• That done, I grabbed the “White” mower and it started so I mowed the far-back of the yard, primarily to turn those leaves to mulch. Well I managed to get the whole of that section done before that mower died... again.
• Got the “Bolens” and... FINISHED MOWING THE REST OF THE YARD!!! WOO-HOO!
• Meanwhile, Jeff and Nancy came by. They've put the flamingos back in the Reiners' yard for when they return on Tuesday night. Chatted with Jeff. Told him how I got the Bolens. HE said it sounds as if Alvin mowed this yard and then whined to Alden AND he says, Alvin WILL do that! Well, Jeff got a “face full” of my disgust with Alvin and Alden so I expect that to get back to Massachusetts. And, quite frankly, I don't give either shit or fuck. I'm in NO fucking mood for this “old lady bull-shit” from either of those two.
• Put another piece of stove-pipe into my kitchen garden, hoping to deter the chipmunks. NOPE! The little fuckers climb the fence and jump! So I have to work on that some more.
• By the time I'd finished... it was 15.30!!! Time to put “meal” together. So got that done and by 16.00, it was in the toaster oven... and I was off to the shower!
• Out of the shower, sit to meal by 17.30 BECAUSE THERE'S NO BLOODY-FUCKING WATER PRESSURE TO-FUCK-DAY!!! Ate, did the washing-up *AND*...
• Put the curtains up as I put clothes into the basins (jeans and shirts) to soak for a while. Took some time to visit with Yonah as they soaked... almost briefly.
• Washed and rinsed the jeans and shirts, put them on the line and put the under-things into the basin, with detergent and some bleach and washed those as well!
• Everything on the lines and rack, washed the green cap I wore to work in today and that went onto the rack.
• When I went in to sit with Yonah again... IT WAS BLOODY 20.00!!! I'VE BEEN MOVING, NON-STOP, ALL DAMNED DAY TODAY!!! LITERALLY... NON-STOP... LITERALLY ALL DAY!!! So I took evening pills but tonight, instead of naproxen, I took a Robax, hoping it'll help with back, legs, feet... and I doubt it will but if need, I'll take a naproxen, if I'm rudely awakened.
• • POOR YONAH HAS BEEN ALONE ALMOST ALL DAY TODAY AS I WORKED! AND NOW, 20.41, IT'S TIME TO GET HER READY FOR SEEPIE-NIGH-NIGHT! POOR PRECIOUS LITTLE LOVE. BUT TOMORROW... NOTHING IS ON THE AGENDA NOW! ALL THE WORK IS DONE... AND WE CAN SIT AND BAKE TOGETHER... ALL DAY! - As a “note”: As I was talking with Jeff this after-noon, we were at the PO shed, I HONESTLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO PASS OUT, PASS ON AND PASS AWAY! The dust and heat and humidity have REALLY TAKEN A TOLL ON MY CHEST TODAY! I don't seem to be hacking anything of note, but the tightness, the heaviness, the “constriction” in my chest tonight is... well... let's call it “concerning”. So no, there'll be NO work tomorrow... of ANY sort (unless insanity gets me to washing living-room curtains but, if I feel tomorrow as I felt today... FUKDATSHIT! - And I want to make a “bullet list” to “discuss” with Ms. Rita when she arrives. There are “points” that I feel need to be settled, immediately, like fucking the place up. Even Jeff said she ought to be made aware that I am NOT the “Maintenance Crew”. (I'm looking forward to showing the futon to Alden... as “sound-proofing”). -
20.56 ***** ***** ***** I'VE JUST COME BACK FROM NEXT DOOR... I PUT THE VOLUME OF THE LAP-TOP UP TO MAXIMUM, PLAYED THE NEWS AND WENT TO LISTEN... ***** NOTHING ***** NO SOUND GOES FROM HERE TO THERE ***** BUT SOUND COMES FROM THERE TO HERE! ***** FUCK THIS SHIT!!! ***** BUT IT'S GOOD TO KNOW... Ms. RITA WILL BE WARNED, TO BE SURE!!! ***** ***** *****
Time for a Brit, a shower and bed! Yonah is “boarded” for the night but I'm leaving her windows open. No rain in the forecast. 19°. And the box fan on the floor, in the kitchen, blowing, on “low” into her room. Poor baby! And it's only JUNE! (WHAT ever happened to the “cooler” of the North Country? - Alas... - I just hope the Robax works tonight. (Oddly, they “expire” this month!) - 21.43 Just watched the last episode of “One Foot In The Grave”... and watched the entire series! Never was one of my “faves” but I'm SO glad I got to see the entire thing now. - But it's time to get to the shower (hope for fucking water) and off to bed. I could actually go to Yonah's room tonight! But I think I'll leave the air in there to her, and not disturb her with my hacking. Tomorrow... we SNOOZE together! In the sweltering heat.

Mon.07.Jun: 11.29 GOD-FORSAKEN DAY FOLLOWING A GOD-FORSAKEN NIGHT IN THE TRUEST SENSE OF THE TERM!!! INTO BED BY 22.30... LIGHTS OUT JUST BEFORE 23.00 AND THE HORRORS COMMENCED SHORTLY THERE-AFTER... AND ALMOST IMMEDIATELY! *** CONTRACTIONS *** !!! PAINFUL, ANNOYING, DISTURBING, HORRIFIC CONTRACTIONS, OF BOTH FEET, CALVES, THIGHS! THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO POSITION OF COMFORT AND NO RESPITE OR REPRIEVE, AT LEAST HOURLY. I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A MOMENT'S OPPORTUNITY TO SEMI-DOZE. I WAS UP AND WALKING, UP AND STRETCHING, UP AND TWISTING, BACK BRACES ON, OFF, CHANGE, SHIFT, MOVE, ON, OFF... CONSTANTLY! I WATCHED THE CLOCK... MID-NIGHT, 1, 2, 3... THE LAST TIME I RECALL WAS SOMETHING CLOSE TO 5.00 AND I HADN'T HAD EVEN A “CLICK” OF ANYTHING THAT EVEN REMOTELY RESEMBLED “REST”, NEVER MIND “SLEEP”! AND THEN, THE NEXT THING I WAS AWARE OF WAS THE FIRST (6.00) ALARM WHICH I TURNED OFF AND LAID IN THE BED, FEELING ALMOST WISHING TO SIMPLY CLOSE MY EYES AND STOP BREATHING... JUST TO DIE, RIGHT THERE. (Of course, the thoughts of Yonah battled with thoughts of dying, and kept me going, battling against what could well have been the “natural course” on a morning such as this. MY LITTLE ONE!!! The light-blocks were still on her cage, and the waters in pool and drinking needed changing, and a “Good morning”... opening the door to the cage to let her roam freely, as she wished... a “vow”, a “responsibility”... and then... the 6.30 alarm, which got turned off and I tried to doze... just doze. I re-set the alarm for 8.00 and, “sleep”, “snooze”, even just “rest” would NOT happened. Before the alarm, I was up and out of the bed, primarily to open Yonah's cage up for the day and change the water, make sure she had food... after which, I tried another lie-down but... my stomach is “off”, my chest is still battling yesterday's dust, there's a “congestion”, a “taste of metal”, but what gets hacked-up is “clear-white”, with only the rare “clump”. Still, even now, I'm exhausted and “gurgling” a touch. Other-wise...) - I did manage to put the kettle on after all that, put food out back and... AND... ever-so shortly there-after, the scrubs and sweats went into the basin for a good washing, the kippa I wore yesterday has been washed as well. I managed to get dressed (though I'm not sure why I bother), and in the hours that followed, after the washing went on the rack and the rack went out the door... I've “half-snoozed” on Yonah's futon and worked a bit to get the beard trimmer “trimming” again, though not perfectly well. It didn't cut anything yesterday when I went to shave my neck (so I did with a razor). And now, the washing is done, the fans are going, météo claims it's 31° but it feels, to me, more like 35°. The air is moving in the house though. A small blessing. We're supposed to “top” at 33° later. Well? I've nothing “pressing” on the agenda and there's a comfy futon in Yonah's room, and she's the best company on any day or at any time. (And she's just had her “late breakfast”, having been “a-top” most of this morning... thankfully, fresh water in her pool for a cooling splash when she wants.) - And over-all, I'm just “here-not-here”, in slight pain and slighter misery but that's mostly because of the common exhaustion of an “all-nighter”. It's 11.48 now, the post is in and it's soon time for “mid-day meds”. From there? I don't know, have little-to-no thought on the matter and really... don't care. Just roll with the day. (My “dread” is Wednesday... when, no doubt, “the fucking land-lord” will roll into town. I'm SO NOT looking forward to that... just because. But HEY! At least I've learnt, first hand, about the sound through the walls. I still can't imagine: it travels “from there to here” but NOT “from here to there”. This place is a fucking joke... and WE are NOT amused.) - Time to roll along... and not necessarily merrily. Fukkit. - 15.47 at about what must have been 13.30-ish, I went in to see Yonah and have a “lie-down”... I JUST, THIS MOMENT, WOKE UP! And... I'm not complaining. But I have NO idea what I'm having for meal tonight. Oh well. It's SO BLOODY HOT ANYWAY... - 20.37 Well, Nancy and her friend who wanted the flat next door came by this evening and we all took a tour and, well, the friend seems nice enough and all I can think of is that she and I had a chat and she saw this place and we both read, play musical instruments, are into music, she “cans” and loved my “art-works” and we talked and chatted and although I have my “trepidations” (which I always have anyway) I think I'd rather SHE moved in but... we shall see. We shall see after I “chat” with the lovely Ms. Rita, and if I don't get the chance to do so before she moves in, well... let HER beware. *** AND WHILST THEY WERE HERE, THEY STOPPED-IN TO SEE YONAH WHO... IMPRESSED *ALL* WITH A BIT OF A FLIGHT FROM CAGE TO A-TOP! A PERFECT FLIGHT OUT UP AND THERE! THAT'S M'BABE!!!! - It's MISERABLE HOT tonight! 27/28°, humidity at 63% but it's almost intolerable... for me. I soaked Yonah's moss and put it back, quite wet, hoping not only to give it some life but hoping the dampness will help cool her place down through the night. The “low” is expected to be 20°! And tomorrow, another day of 30... but chances of “orages”. I doubt the orages and I doubt the 30... it'll probably be more like NO orages and 35! But we shall see. - At any rate, I'm feeling a touch better than I did all day. That “snooze” must have helped quite a bit and now I'm dreading another night of contractions along with my usual dreading of sleep for fear of not waking or something of the sort. But that bit is common to EVERY night now... It's the dread of leaving Yonah alone, at the hands of the rest of them. - Anyway... I've taken evening pills with cold tap and will have TWO and NO MORE tarts with more water and then a quick (as can be with the shit water-flow) shower and to bed! I'm in for UNADULTERATED HELL AGAIN TONIGHT... I JUST KNOW IT! - Skip tomorrow... I hope. The bin is full and there's card-board to be rid of. - OH... I'm SO impressed... I even got to wash the “house-Sherpa” today and it's DRY! The ONLY REAL “ought” left to wash are the living-room curtains! Imagine that! - 23.03 I'm late. It's miserably hot. And some shit-bag in a muffler just went roaring by. OK... Wrap it up!

Tue.08.Jun: 12.06 Woke with “the morning call” before the 6.00 alarm and by about 6.20, the “morning routine” was complete. After getting dressed, I went for a lie-down with Yonah and dozed for almost an hour, if not more. Slept through last night, amazingly, but woke feeling “dragged”... face-down, for miles! Heat. Humidity. Sweating. Just completely shitty. But, I managed to sort through the tool boxes and such, looking for that hose nozzle that I saw when I was building Yonah's futon... and CANNOT FIND IT! AND HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT COULD HAVE GONE! So I'm pissed about that. But going through the boxes in the “alcove”, managed to clean-out more shit that I don't want/need. And so, the garbage is out of the bin and almost ready for a trip to the skip... at 14.30... if I'm still alive, because, at this moment, it doesn't seem I will be. Heat... perhaps. Thankfully, there's a drizzle. Hopefully it'll take some of this heat away (but more likely, add to the humidity). Honestly... no shit... I feel horrific today. And, my left “nut” is painful today too. Hernia? Not from anything done of late. And slight constipation. Had I thought earlier-enough, I'd've had prune juice, but not now... that's a 4-hour ordeal and right now, I have only 2 so... and I'll have to think of something for tonight's “meal”. I don't want to cook in this heat. But right now, yoghurt and pills, a little news and another lie-down is in order. Oh, I re-tied the clothes line on the back gallery too. What a fucking job that was and I'm not even sure it's proper. But, I'll know for certain... when I go to use it again. I just can't really care. - (And I wonder if “fucking land-lord” will roll into town tomorrow... no doubt, it'll be SOME time this week. I'm really not in the mood. Shame, that.) - 19.36 OK... so I managed to actually accomplish something today... I went to the skip, got rid of garbage and card-board. and stopped on the way back to put 10$ gas into the truck for almost full. (4$/gallon... I'd REALLY like, VERY much, to seriously injure somebody for this... it isn't necessary... it's all politics and no testicles or guts in a government gone complete to the shitter.) And for “meal”, I “hahd-berld” some eggs, made a “salad of sorts” by mashing them with seasonings, vinegar and oil and spread on bread with “budduh” and relish. There. Ice cream, of course, to follow. “Light fare”. - And this evening, as I took my third doze with Yonah, NYSEG sent their message and so I figured the reading and sent it in. Should come to about 52$ but I've “budgeted” 60, to be safe. Still not NEARLY as bad as I'd expected. And just this very morning, I was thinking of the very thing and figuring that, with the week of heating in May, the bill would be at least double the amount. Relief. OK. So it doesn't leave me with a lot for the remainder, but it's a bit more than I'd thought I might have. So it's OK. - And it's still quite warm, still quite humid. My “encouragement” was, as I was getting ready to leave, Ed M. walked by looking none-too-good-for-the-weather. The Mrs. is complaining about this heat and humidity too. None of us is made for this. But I've been feeling SO horrid, and taking snoozes all day and feeling I shouldn't. Well, at least I'm not alone in it. Not that it makes anything any easier but... - And so, Yonah has been SO “playful” today, attacking my finger and hand. But the BIG DIFFERENCE NOW IS THAT I CAN STROKE HER AND SHE JUST KEEPS PECKING! SHE USED TO GO INTO A PANIC, FLYING ALL OVER THE CAGE! I think she's getting used to me... I'm BLESSED! She's eating now... She'd been “a-top” for some hours and brought her-self back in for snack. I wish the doves out back would learn to use the “feeding platform” and get off the ground! Yonah's a clever little bird, having learnt, immediately, that her food is in one little “container” and water in the other. Looks like we're both quite blessed. - And the peppermint spray to ward off chipmunks and such? Useless. Oh well. I just don't like that they eat all the seed before the doves get any. But I'll have to keep trying deterrents. (But I accidentally got a chipmunk with the peppermint spray... in the eye! I feel like a complete Fuktardshitbag! However... the little bastard's back in the garden, as if nothing happened. I don't know how, but... they're feisty!) - And so, book-work is done, electric bill is covered, gas in the truck, the “exhaust bandage” appears to have “taken” well. It's still grey. It's still miserably hot and humid. I stink terribly so a shower before bed tonight is a MUST... no choice. - Time to wind-down... almost time for night pills anyway... Another day. - And tonight, at some point, the “Mayors” will be back and I shouldn't doubt that at some point tomorrow, the “fucking land-lord” will be rolling into town... hopefully for no longer than a couple (2) days at most. I'm really NOT looking forward to seeing that one. Shame, really. I used to look forward to his visits. Well? I've already got July's rent in the account so... FUCK HIM!

Wed.09.Jun (YONAH HAS A PHONE NUMBER): 7.21 After another miraculous night of sleeping-through, I woke, this morning, of my own, at about 5.30... to the sound, of course, of the “morning call” (which is still in progress... Bless Her). Got up to pee and went back to bed until the 6.00 alarm at which point... the day commenced and has been rolling since. All the “usual” plus a change of “nectar” on the front porch and a slight “re-arrange” in the cup-board (I SWEAR who-ever put this house together was fuck-stoned or just damned mentally ill.) But I've been dressed and all already. Imagine that. - Yonah is “a-top” already, little sweetness. Another one of those “pin feathers” on that left wing. I WISH I knew what to do to stop that for her. But... there's no help and that's why we're together: there's a “cure out there”... but nobody gives a shit. - As for me? Well... it's a “stone-chest” morning, this, from shoulders to... but thankfully, it's a “cool” 20° with a LOT of cloud, much of which was “there” already and more rising from the valleys and along the brook and river. It never ceases to amaze, watching the “mist” rise. This morning, along the “Roaring Brook”, it was so thick, it looked more like smoke than “mist”. And now, it's actually darkening not only the skies, but the house as well... How “foreboding”.... OO... (and shit). And as I type, here comes the rain. It wasn't in the forecast (which I've just checked), but “Nature” does what it damned-well please and so here it is. I don't care. I'm not “going” any-where any time too soon. (Later I'll go to town for smokes... and, since it's “FS” day, maybe something quick to toss together for a “meal”... maybe.) There wasn't anything on the “agenda” out there today anyway, though I would like to get the living-room curtains done. Never mind... there's a LOT to be done on “sites” and such so... I just wish I could feel “good” for a day... again... as I used to do... every now-and-then. But “these days” are now “all days”. May as well just “be” it. - The Reiners returned last night, at some point. And now we get to wait the arrival of the “FL”, as it were. Other-wise... DELUGE now! Quite heavy, indeed. Of course, because I've only just put the “good food” out in the back garden. Alas... - So there we are and here we are. The house is in order and as for the rest... I've no shits nor fucks to give. (Foul state of mind... “FL”...) -

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** 12.57 JUST CHATTED WITH NANCY, about Marcia and the flat here, and it went into talking about YONAH *** AND *** SHE TOLD ME THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT SHOULD I DIE... SHE LOVES BIRDS AND WILL TAKE YONAH AND TAKE CARE OF HER! I TOLD HER I WAS COMPOSING A NOTE ON CARING FOR YONAH AND SHE SAID “WRITE THE NOTE AND I'LL TAKE IT.”!!! ***** YONAH WILL BE CARED FOR AND ABOUT!!! ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** I'M FEELING SO SO SO MUCH BETTER NOW THAN I'VE FELT IN MONTHS!!! ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Meanwhile, the sun is shining, the temperature is high but humidity is low and the breeze is cool! I SHOULD have done a set of living-room curtains! Oh well... AND YONAH? SHE'S BACK TO “LOVING” TODAY! I WALKED INTO THE ROOM AS SHE WAS “SUNNING” AND SHE CAME *RUNNING* TO THE OPEN DOOR OF THE CAGE! WE'VE BEEN HAVING A BLAST TOGETHER ALL DAY! WHAT A DAY WHAT A DAY WHAT A DAY!!! -
22.01 YONAH NOW HAS A GMAIL ACCOUNT AND ***** ***** ***** A PHONE NUMBER !!! 4.04.17 !!! I'M 4.05.17 ! Yes it's late, MUCH later than I'd wanted to be up but, I just got it into my head to get a phone number for Yonah tonight and, it took a bit of doing but... SHE'S got a phone number! And I can't believe the one she got! SO... She's quite THE BIRD! AND she can get TEXT messages too! SO... My little HEART AND SOUL IS... WELL... SHE *IS*!
AND... TOMORROW EVENING, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT NANCY'S FOR DINNER AT 17.00!!! IMAGINE? After all this time, I've been thinking that I must have done something to piss her off but she drove by this evening, JUST as I got back from town. She'd called and sent a “text” but I was “in town” so she drove over to INVITE! (She's having Marsha and Jeff as well... but she doesn't think Jeff will come.) Anyway... WHAT A DAY! AND YONAH WAS SO PLAYFUL TODAY!!! She's not flying about much, but OH is she ever so PLAYFUL! WHAT A DAY! And so, I must say, worth being up this late for. - It's supposed to go down to about 12° tonight and 12 or 13 for the next 7 days/nights! What a relief! Not only for me but for Yonah too, I'm sure. (I've just turned her fan off in her room.) - And the street light is still out. All is so beautiful this evening. - So, on that, I'm going to have a quick “Brit” pop tarts and a SHOWER tonight and off to bed and HOPE that I can have a THIRD night of SLEEP (though I'm not going to “plan” on it...) As for tomorrow... I don't know that I “want” to go, and I DON'T believe I ought to have a “beverage”... I've been so “good” about the “beverages” for about 8 months now... and I don't want to “ruin” the vit.C routine. I'll “ponder”. And I won't stay “late”... of course... I have Yonah here! (I wish I could bring her with me but that's getting “too insane”... and it probably wouldn't be good for her anyway.) - So there we have it. - Feeling better tonight too... with the cooler evening. RELIEF! - I'm still giddy about Yonah's phone number. Yeah... I've REALLY gone off the deep end into “eccentricity”... or plain “insanity”. But... she IS my life. (I even told Nancy: had she not been here over Winter, I wouldn't be here this Summer. Nancy said “We need to talk.” We probably will tomorrow.)

Thu.10.Jun: 21.25! It's been non-stop from about 6.30 this morning, after a night of “sleep-through” but, of course, not nearly enough “sleep”, considering, I didn't get into bed and lights out until just past mid-night. Let me see if I can recall what's been done... - For starts, after “morning routine” with PRECIOUS YONAH, who was in a GRAND mood all day, playful, “sparring” with me and the likes, and me making sure to spend time with her every chance I had through the day... I managed to get the Southern living-room window curtains washed and on the line before 11.00... then, checked the post at 11.30 and had bread with coffee for mid-day pills. - Next... went over to the “main entrance of Nr.5 and cleaned that little spot between the steps and the cellar door! Fucking pain in the arse, that. But I'm going to make it perfectly clear: I cleaned it, I will not “maintain” it. Anyway, I eve got the “White” mower running and managed to “mulch the weeds and leaves and such down, in front of the garage. No muss, no fuss, no mess, no “hauling”. Done. - Came back in at about 14.45 and decided to wash the curtains for the North window in the living-room and so, I did, quickly. (I used javel on both sets so washing was a “quick” job both times.) By 15.15 the next set of curtains was on the line and I had a bit of time to run through some music videos... South African music. Some of it brought me to crying, remembering the days in The City, the concerts in Central Park... I DO miss that aspect of The City, but, as with all that was good... it's gone and done and never will return... much like the people... - At about 16.30 I headed for the shower before going to Paul and Nancy's and Alvin happened to be coming by as I was leaving out the back drive. Sadly, for him, he got a face full of wrath... I told him that I'm pissed about Alden calling about the mower and I told him that Alden sounded quite “complaining” about Alvin having done the mowing AND I told him that it “crawled up my colon” because the ONLY complaint Alden has for the 2 years that I've been here is that I pay my rent too early. Alvin said that I should take it to heart and that he'll talk with Alden. Well good! And I expect NO good to come of it but at least it's all “in the communications line” because I'm SURE it will get back to Alden now and I'm READY! In fact.. after dining with Paul and Nancy, I'm MORE than READY! Dinner was PURE DELIGHT AND SO INFORMATIVE AND RE-ASSURING! It's NOT just me here, being “left alone”. Apparently, it's “New Russia”. As Nancy put it, the only person she thinks of as anything near “friend” is Jeff. AND... my opinions of Eric and Megan, and Nell and hubby are quite spot-on! Paul gets along with Nell. Nancy feels about her as I do. She IS condescending, pompous, pretentious. And she DOES believe she'd better than all the rest of us so yes, she IS delusional. Eric IS arrogant and aloof. And so, there we have it. It's “New Russia”... People are “conveniently kind” to one-another but nothing more. BUT... BOTH Nancy AND Paul repeatedly told me “Come up any time. We're always here.” AND Nancy gave me a plate of meat-loaf and bread to bring home, and Paul actually DROVE me home! (Marsha was supposed to come but couldn't make it, but she's staying at their place on the week-end and Nancy said to drop by to visit with her. Imagine that!) And there we have it! The day! - And when I got back, at about 20.45, little Yonah was there, waiting for me. I feel terrible, having left her alone. BUT I'm feeling SO much better now, knowing that Nancy's sincere about taking her, should anything happen to me! She'll be loved and care for and about... no matter what. And Paul is fascinated by her and her story. So there... a good home, should she need. - So then, I walked in the door, got Yonah tucked-in for the night, windows closed because it's going to be another 12° night and pulled the curtains from the lines and hung them. ONE DAY... BOTH windows... done, washed, clean! Not pressed though. Hopefully the wrinkles will “hang”. But they're done. The only window left... the loo! (I'm not bothering with the kitchen because I need to make “curtains” instead of what's been “passing”... so...) - I had a v-ton at Nancy's and 2 little “Frangelicas” after meal and I'm shocked that I'm not feeling any of it. - have just had 3gm C and a naproxen and will just wind-down before heading to bed for the night. It was quite the day... quite. - I'm CERTAIN that there's some sort of bloody shit-fest to come with Alden, but... fuck him! My rent's always paid... FUCKING EARLY! Oh... I even said to Alvin “Obviously, he's accustomed to and more comfortable with renting to White Trash so rest assured, I'll do my best to help him along by looking for some place else to live and he and New Russia can get back to where everybody's more comfortable and happy.” - Time to “wrap”. A bit of a Brit and off to bed. Tomorrow? Well... it'll be “today” when it arrives and I can deal with it accordingly. (There's a bit of “work laundry” to be done at any rate.) - 23.19 to bed!

Fri.11.Jun: 21.03! I'm getting REALLY “lacks” with this journalling of late... “late” being the “operant” here. But the problem is that I'm SO TIRED ALL DAY! I keep moving, finding things to do to keep animated, but even typing is just something that's exhausting. I don't feel any worse than before, and I do know that, if I get involved with something, I can keep going. But there's a constant fatigue. And now, now that it's time to get to bed, as usual, the mind rolls with more “to do”. Yes, I dread going to bed at night. The dread of “not waking up”. The dread of the “contractions”. But the fatigue just won't let go! But... - And NOW, NOW, of ALL times, the fuckers on their motor-cycles, passing back and forth on the main, up the Hill and this one just went up and came back. At THIS hour of the night. I've no patience. - Let's add my anger with Alden and the bull-shit. Well, I just though of Marsha... she's at Nancy's the week-end and I have a dish I need to return so I'll toddle up tomorrow. If she's still looking for a place and still set on this one, should anything “happen” to me... she'll be one of the first to know because Nancy will take Yonah in and tell her, I'm sure. AND she can have what-ever's in the house too! There. That's settled. - Meanwhile, today was a 2-plus hour snooze... I got up and about at about 7.00, got Yonah together, had coffee and at about 9.30, had a lie-down with Yonah... and woke at almost 11.30-ish! Checked the post... for nothing and came back in... to have mid-day pills and honestly, I can't recall much of anything I actually “did” with the rest of the day. I did change the water in Yonah's pool twice. Mostly just because. I put in some new stones and wanted to “flush” it. - And as for Yonah? WELL! SHE'S BEEN AN ABSOLUTE HEAVEN TODAY! SO PLAYFUL! SO LOVING! We played about quite often during the day, and she even let me “nestle” my face beside her... as she pecked at my head. And we played whilst she was a-top the cage. She won't leave the room though and that bothers me a bit. But she seems in good spirits. AND TONIGHT I NOTE: WHEN SHE'S READY TO GO TO SLEEP... SHE GOES BACK INTO THE CAGE ON HER OWN! SHE “KNOWS” THAT THAT'S WHERE SHE SPENDS THE NIGHT. THAT'S HER “NIGHT PERCH”! SHE KNOWS IT! WHAT A BRILLIANT LITTLE BIT OF LIFE!!! And I put her “block” up and she went to her perch. THERE REALLY ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW AND HOW MUCH I DO LOVE HER!!! And tonight, I put the radiator on in her room, set at “3”. It's supposed to get down to about 11° tonight and it's been quite damp all day. Her windows are closed, her door is closed a bit because I noticed, last night, that the light from the kitchen shines in on her. So the door will block some of that and me, watching my “Brits”. Ah... indeed, I DO LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! Tomorrow, I MUST get to work on HER Journal and such!!! MUST! There's NO excuse. - Meanwhile, John D. is burning bull-shit again tonight and the air is full of the stench. And I have more sage burning in the living-room, hopefully to dispel the “bull-shit” of my “aura” and any potential bull-shit that the “fucking land-lord” might bring. No telling what THAT will appear, but... - There's a nice, cool breeze coming through. Front and back doors are open, but windows are closed. (Save the “fan” in the bed-room.) - And so, another day comes to an end and the month SCREAMS into the mid-point. Another 10 days and the sun starts setting earlier every day again... “Winter” seems to pass so slowly... “Summer”, so quickly. Things have only just turned green... and, I saw this morning, snow in the Gaspé yesterday! Oh well... “The North Country”... and I wouldn't be any-where else. - Now, if I could only get rid of the “rocks” in my chest, that would be nice. - OK. Time for hot water and a Brit and off to bed. It's Shabbat... nothing on the “agenda” for tomorrow. - I have to get a little “MP3 player” for Yonah. The ones that are inexpensive, on-line, all have some miserable “reviews”. But I'll keep looking. - PS: Tomorrow is Theresa's 66th b'day. Gina's is on the 17th... I remember THAT one. NOT, mind, that any make any difference, really. And I'm NOT acknowledging Theresa's. I'll NOT have any sort of “acknowledgement” or “message” misinterpreted again! I'm NOT in the mood... - 22.56 LATE AGAIN BUT... JUST PAID THE NYSEG! 55,70! DONE! AND “BUDGET” OFFERED AT 53/MO! Not bad but I'm not so sure... Winter this coming, will be rather high... MUST make certain Yonah is cared-for. And I'm not so sure about the reading I submitted. It seems rather low, compared to last month. I'll have to check why it's so low... I MUST have made an error. BUT... THE BILL IS PAID! THANKFULLY! - Now... teeth and bed! And on a “happier” note... Bills Paid... EXCEPT, OF COURSE, THE BLOODY-FUCKING RENT! FUCKING SHIT-BAG! - 23.02 JUST CHECKED THE ACTUAL BILL... NYSEG DID A READING... I submitted on the 8th, they read on the 10th... IT'S CORRECT! NOW I can go to bed in peace! Tomorrow, I'll check the bills for the year, figure what, if any, sort of “balance due” there might be at the end of the “Budget”. We'll see... (as if I really believe I'll be around... at the “end of the Budget”).

Sat.12.Jun: 9.16 Well... one loo trip during the night and up at about 7.00 and the “morning routine” is done, fresh nectar in the back hummie feeder, the sun is shining, the air is warm, the windows and door are open and the house is... “in order”. Ms. Yonah is coo'ing from a-top and the idiot-in-charge is banging at the pee-oh. I'm just in from a smoke. Marsha came driving by, stopped, got out of the truck and asked “Are you the owner?” and until I mentioned her not showing for “dinner” on Thursday, she didn't recognise me. I say “?”. What-ever. Meanwhile... I'm tired, congested, “clotty” this morning, and “stoney in the chest”. Tired, as usual and just moving along. What-ever will be... and I can't care much. But today, I'm going to find a little tree for Yonah! Yes, I am! - Other than that... still awaiting the arrival of “the fucking land-lord” but not. And that covers the morning... one supposes. At least last night went as well as well can be expected. On with another day... Eh? - 21.05 Well... very soon, off to bed. - It was a rather nice day, though wasted, especially by the *OVER 2-HOUR SNOOZE* AGAIN!!! from which I woke at 15.30!!! - BUT I DID MANAGE TO GET A CUTE LITTLE WHITE PINE, NOW POTTED, IN YONAH'S HOUSE!!! I'll continue to look for an oak though. I hope it survives the potting. *** AND YONAH TOOK ANOTHER FLIGHT INTO HER WINDOW THIS EVENING!!! A LITTLE BLOOD, AND I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS FROM! SHE APPEARS TO BE “OK” NOW. I'VE SETTLED HER IN FOR THE NIGHT ALREADY. AFTER THE CRASH, I GOT HER BACK IN, CHANGED HER WATERS (POOL AND DRINKING) AND CLOSED THE DOOR SO SHE WOULDN'T TRY ANOTHER FLIGHT. WHEN I WENT TO GET HER SETTLED, SHE CAN FLY AND IS HER “USUAL” SELF. BUT, AS ALWAYS, MY HEART IS ACHING! We'll see how she is, come morning. - I've take evening pills and am now going to hit ONE Brit and then to bed! There's nothing on the agenda for tomorrow, save a run into town for smokes and, perhaps, flowers or seeds (perhaps not, too) and we'll see what's on sale at market. I can't believe ANOTHER week has gone by! I MUST be dying... Time is RUSHING! - Tonight, 13° so windows to be closed, but no radiators. Tomorrow? Fairly nice weather. IF I can, maybe I'll try to get Yonah into the sun-shine... in her old cage... for a while. Or something. We shall see. But for now... time to get to bed! - 22.32 END OF THE DAY!!!

Sun.13.Jun: *** YONAH: 8 MONTHS *** 12.30 As I sit here, sun shining into Yonah's room, as she settles in a corner of her house, to soak in the sun-shine (as I ought to try to do but, to be honest, it's another “heavy” day and I can't understand why...) I can't believe it... EIGHT MONTHS now that she's with me. EIGHT MONTHS! And not because of any particular selfishness on my part. Originally, I was certain that, by today, she'd be out of the house and back with the flock and I'd either be sitting here wondering where and how she is, or I'd be long-forgotten and “gone”. But here we are, and she seems to be well over her “accident” of yesterday. This morning, a little later than her “usual”, as I laid in bed, pondering whether or not I was ready to get up (at about 7.45) came “the morning call”. It was such a relief to hear her, because SHE was the first thought on waking... I've come to never “expect” to hear her in the morning, always “heavy at heart”, especially the morning after one of her “impacts”, and when I DO hear her, it's always a relief, the reason, the ONLY reason, I get up and out of bed. An so, I did get up, put the kettle on and went, immediately, to remove her “night blocks” and got right to replacing water in the pool and for drinking. Yes, she's as “normal” as is her “normal” again today. And though I've been feeling, as is MY “normal”, shrouded by the call of “Death”, “floating”, as I do, through what-ever it is that we exist in, I see her and remember that my “vow” is to be with her, to make sure she's perfectly attended, as much as I can do, humanly. My old body wants, so much, to simply lie down and “leave”, but we're a “team”, a “family”, a “unit” now, and I will NOT “give up and give in” and leave her alone. OK, yes, there's a small comfort in knowing that Nancy, who, when I went for dinner, said that she “collects” the carpenter ants in the house and puts them out, because she won't kill them, has said that she'd gladly take Yonah into her home, in the event of my demise. If she won't kill ants, then I most seriously have no cause to believe she won't give her heart to Yonah. Still, Yonah is my responsibility and, well, we keep each-other going, from moment-to-moment now and I will NOT betray that relationship. Sure, one day, I won't be able to take another breath, but until that very moment... here we are... together. She IS my “LOVE” and my “LIFE” and what is my “LOVE” and my “LIFE” belongs to her. Today is a sunny, warm day... these days are shortly-numbered. I've just put this year's “HEAP” paper-work into an envelope to be posted tomorrow... heat for the coming Winter... to keep this house warm for this most-precious little “Life” in my care. Though the thought of being this tired, and, honestly, this weak, for many more months, isn't exactly the most-welcome aspect of a moment, making sure that she's cared for and about is my blessing. - Other-wise, the morning has gone by too quickly. I ought to have already gone into town, but I'm in no particular rush. (I'll be sorry later, but... it's not all that important.) Soc.med., for the most part. And now, I want to snooze... with Yonah... on the futon here... for a little while, and get to her Journal and the other matters that concern her. There's MUCH I WANT to get recorded, so that others will be able to know this most wonderful aspect of my existence. I keep getting distracted and I need to stop that. - But for the moment, a bit of “shut-eye”... as is the course, I'm hitting that “slump”, so tired. It reminds me of the days of wandering, walking, constantly on the move, across The Bronx and Manhattan, into Queens and Brooklyn, so fatigued that it was physically painful. Thankfully, today, I can lie down... in peace... in some comfort. - 20.32 Had the pills, changed the water, spent a LOVELY time today, with Yonah, as I'm re-re-re-doing her Journal. - Managed a quick run to FamDoll where Penny was “maskless”! She amazed me... we BOTH agree that all the past year was a crock of bull-shit. And she told me of an elderly woman who'd take the “jab” and a couple of days later... dead. And she's aware of the cardiac troubles associated with it. And we had a lovely little chat for a bit. It was nice to just talk with her. - And the sun shone all day, very nicely. Warm, not “too” warm. And I stayed in the house through all of it. - And I “napped”... another 2-hours, this morning. Oh well. No harm. I did feel a “touch” better for it, but it was a “difficult” day, over all. Light-headed, heavy-chested. Tonight, as is usual, I'm feeling a touch better though. I'd still like to know WHAT the exact FUCK this is all about but... as long as I can “function”, I'll be fine. - Meal was a “firtatta”... veg and franks. Quite filling. And that's all to be said for that. (I had nothing at mid-day pills though but... I don't “need” that.) - Tonight, a bit of a tooth-ache, upper left. Let's hope it doesn't go any further. Thankfully, there's “filling” in the house. (And not much left in the account, to be sure.) - And YONAH HAS BEEN SO PLAYFUL AGAIN TODAY! I'M THINKING ALL THE WING-FLAPPING AND PECKING ARE PLAY! SHE DOESN'T MIND MY STROKING HER BREAST WITH MY FINGER AND NOW, SHE'S EVEN LETTING ME STROKE HER BACK! YEP... WE'VE BECOME A “TEAM”!!! A “COUPLE”... AND “ITEM”! AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. - And now, she's “in for the night”. Windows closed because it's supposed to drop to 16° over night. Rain tomorrow. No prob. More time together... and more work (which I MUST get done!). - Now... a hot water, a Brit, a shower... A SHOWER... and bed! BEFORE 23.00!!! DAMNIT! Tomorrow will attend to itself when it arrives. - 22.02 Off to a quick (I hope) shower... and feeling quite like shit and I can't say why, other than 4 PopTarts. Still... just queezy and such. Hopefully it'll pass. - House is still though. That's a comfort. And still... no street light! What a joy. -

Mon.14.Jun: 20.11 Evening pills have been taken with a mug of hot water. (No “tarts” tonight because I was just too damned lazy to go to market... in the rain... well, it's not as if I have any particular “need” of them anyway.) And Yonah is tucked-in for the night already. There's a steady rain falling out there and it's been a “dark” sort of day, during which I took two rather lengthy snoozes (in Yonah's room, of course) AND... believe it or not, a SHOWER! (I actually NEEDED to bathe today. “Things” were becoming entirely UN-BEARABLE! I'm starting to get to where, after a while, I'm “smelling old” and it's repulsive!) - THIS MORNING, AT ABOUT 4.30, I WAS AWAKENED OUT OF SLEEP BY... THUNDER AND INCREDIBLY BRILLIANT FLASHES OF LIGHTNING! A TRUE “SUMMER STORM”!!! But I was SO TIRED, that I didn't bother to get up to enjoy it... and as it rolled... ROLLED... I went back to sleep...
THEN... This morning, I woke from an odd sort of dream:
There was a young fellow... “Henry”, couldn't have been more than about 16 or 17 years of age. He was working at the same place where I was employed (though that bit was just completely ambiguous... some company with nice offices and I was rather “well-employed”, as it were... “Henry” was some sort of “mail clerk” or the likes). Anyway, Henry was, I learnt, Homeless! Had been for some time already. Working... and Homeless... and residing, much as I'd actually done, in empty lots, abandoned buildings and the sort. WELL! I took Henry “under wing”, as it were, and HAPPILY started him on the road to getting into a nice public shelter. A “NICE” public shelter... one where I'd been (in the dream), not too very long before getting the current job! I was telling him all the “secrets” that I'd learnt along the way, about getting jobs, spending almost NO time IN the shelter, how to get around the “paper-work”, the clean linens and all sorts of particulars. In actuality, I was re-living MY OWN “Shelter Days” but this time, I was “projecting” them onto somebody else. As we were at work, I was telling Henry all that he should expect to find at the Shelter, and I left out NO details... the good, bad, repulsive, horrific, fun, amusing... ALL of it and invited him to stay at my place that night with the understanding that we would go together, the following day, and get his “registration” started. I knew how to tag along with him (as well I certainly DID and still DO know how to do), in case he got confused or thrown off course (as those idiots in the Shelter system will do... don't I know). The general “atmosphere” of the entire dream was really quite nice, happy. Henry was in need of a proper place to be, sleep, bathe, &c. and I was all too thrilled to be able to provide all sorts of help that *I* NEVER GOT! (As I'm recounting, it's all very close to Yonah's situation, and this house, Nancy and Marsha... so many actualities. This shit's REALLY DEEP in my mind, apparently.) Anyway, the 6.00 alarm woke me out of it, I turned it off and dozed until the 6.30 alarm, which I turned off and waited until almost 7.00 for the “morning call”, at which time, I got up and got the “morning routine” into FULL ROLL! - Aside from the naps, the shower, cutting my toe nails (at LONG last), I spent the rest of the day working on “Yonah's Journal” for her site. I've re-re-re-finished October and have only just begun November. I'm ashamed to admit. - Other-wise, it was a lazy sort of day. - Oh... “Mayor Wankrag” was next door for a bit. I knew he was there by the “boom” and the rumbling of the floor!!! WHAT IN FUX NAME? THERE'S NO FURNITURE IN THERE! BOOM? RUMBLING? Between him and “The Fucking Land-lord” they're pissing the fuck out of me! But... “time”... we'll see. I don't think Rita's going to be too happy about this place... when she hears the truths. We shall see. I'm not “certain” that I'd prefer Marsha there, but no matter... I'm still pissed about the “mower” incident and the fact that I'm not being spoken to about the “new tenant”. So? If THAT'S how it's going to roll... let's ROLL! - Yonah was out, a-top for quite some time today. It bothers me that she stays in that room, at the cage. OK. So she's “comfortable” there, I would imagine, but I'd like her to take advantage of the rest of the house. I even put a bit of a “perch” from the desk lamp to her cage, beside me at the work table this evening. She didn't seem “comfortable”. BUT, she HAS been playful and “face-kissing” today! So I suppose we're on good grounds. - So right now, it's 20.31 and I'm going to catch a Brit and get to bed soon. It's raining. Tonight is down to 12° with rain... tomorrow up to 20°... with rain. 9, 8 9° for tomorrow night through Thursday! Chilly. But, Yonah's got the radiator. - OH... AND LEST I FORGET... I'M HAVING SUCH HORRIFIC PAINS IN MY LEFT TESTICLE! ALMOST AS IF IT'S ANOTHER HERNIA (though not on the right side again)!!! THE FUCKING UNDER-PANTS AGAIN! I'D LIKE TO GET MY HANDS ON THE SHIT-BAGS WHO ARE MAKING THIS SHIT-FUCK-FEST OF CASTRATION! IT'S REALLY PAINFUL! AND THE SHIT-JOCK-STRAP ISN'T HELPING! I CAN'T BE “ILL”!!! I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SOMEBODY... AND SOON TOO! - I need to un-wind now... 20.37... I want to be IN BED in about an hour! - 21.59 OFF to BED! As the rains continue to fall... and my lower back, left nut and right hip are in pain. Alas.

Tue.15.Jun: 18.32 Another month... half gone... JEEZUS! - And today has been a “screwed and skewed” day, to put it mildly. - I was up and about shortly after 6.00 and the first thing on the “agenda” was “prune juice”... kettle on, coffee made, but prune juice immediately... and with-out morning “meds”. I wanted to give the prune juice an hour before anything else. OK. Fine. Great idea... NOT! I put the “whites” in the basin to soak for a while, and got to the “water-changing” and such for Yonah and when I went back to start the “washing”... the JUICE HIT! AND did it EVER! Even to where there was a slight “incident” which meant... almost to the last pair of “under-shorts” and the ones I was wearing, fresh this morning, had to be washed as well! 4 t-shirts, 3 under-pants, 2 pairs of socks... and RUNNING! Well, I did get the washing done. And there was something in there, I'm still not sure what, but it “shredded” in and amongst the laundry and I had the hardest time getting it all out with MANY rinses! By about 8.30, I was finally done with it all, and several trips to the loo as well. I WAS EXHAUSTED! OFF TO A SNOOZE... 2-HOURS... WITH YONAH! When I woke, at some time after 10.00, my stomach was STILL churning! But I had coffee and morning pills... and went on with what-ever I could get myself to do, which wasn't much to mention, I tellya. - *** THEN CAME THE HIGH-LIGHT OF THE DAY... I'D GONE TO THE TRUCK TO HAVE A SMOKE AND THERE WAS A CAR IN THE DRIVE, PARKED, AND SOME WOMAN WAS SITTING IN IT. SHE WAVED. I WAVED. I FEIGNED GETTING THE “CART WHEEL” OUT OF THE TRUCK AND THE WOMAN WAS AT THE FRONT OF HER CAR SAYING “C'MON MOM...” (TO NOBODY THERE). I ASKED IF SHE WAS OK AND COME TO FIND OUT... “CHRIS”... RITA'S DAUGHTER. RITA... WAS MOVING BOXES IN! SHE TELLS THAT SHE'S PLANNING ON MOVING IN ON THE 28TH! AND, I, OF COURSE, OFFERED TO HELP BRING BOXES IN... AND IT WAS SO WORTH IT...
• RITA HAS A CAT (THAT, SHE CLAIMS, STAYS IN THE HOUSE AND I TOLD HER THAT THAT WOULD BE BEST BECAUSE OF THE “FREE-WAY” TRAFFIC IN THE DRIVE).
• SHE HAD A “3,5 HR” CONVERSATION WITH ALDEN ABOUT TAKING THE PLACE.
• SHE'S “HUD” AND “HUD” IS PAYING ALDEN 600$/MONTH FOR THE RENT.
• DAUGHTER CHRIS IS A “GROUNDS-KEEPER/PROPERTY MGT/HOUSE-CLEANER” AND *SHE* WENT THROUGH THE FLAT WITH PEN AND PAPER NOTING EVERY... *EVERY* MINUTE DETAIL OF WHAT NEEDS REPLACING, REPAIRING, REMOVING, &C.
• SAYS CHRIS: ALDEN WILL *HAVE* TO MAKE IT ALL “PROPER” BECAUSE HUD HAS NO TOLERANCE!
• RITA AND CHRIS GOT TOLD THE “TRUTHS” ABOUT THE PLACE... NO EXAGGERATIONS, JUST TRUTHS.
• ALDEN TOLD RITA THAT THERE'S AN “ATTIC” WHERE SHE CAN “STORE” THINGS. I SHOWED CHRIS THE “ATTIC” AND, LUCKY FOR ME, THE STAIRS WERE ALL BUT *COVERED* IN MOUSE-SHIT!
• *ALVIN* HAD THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO SHOW UP FOR A FEW MOMENTS WHILST I WAS THERE, AND SAID NOTHING TO ME, DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE MY PRESENCE. (GUILT... IT'S WONDERFUL.)
• RITA SAYS ALDEN TOLD HER THAT HE WAS COMING FOR A “3-DAY WEEK-END”... EITHER THIS OR NEXT WEEK. I TOLD HER THAT HE'D SAID HE'D BE HERE IN THE FIRST 2 WEEKS OF THE MONTH SO... RITA SAID SHE HAS ALDEN PEGGED: NICE GUY, LOUSY LAND-LORD. BANG!
• CHRIS SAID THAT WHAT HAS TO BE DONE IN THE FLAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE DONE IN 3 DAYS. WELL?
• THEY MUST HAVE STAYED ALMOST 2 HOURS, MAKING THEIR LIST.
• SO NOW WE WAIT TO SEE WHAT COMES OF THIS, THEIR “VISIT”, AND WHAT SORT OF BULL-SHIT I'LL BE EXPECTED TO ACCEPT (I'VE NO DOUBT THERE'S GOING TO BE A MENTION OF RAISED RENT OR SOME SORT OF SHIT-FUCKERIES... WE SHALL SEE, BUT AT LEAST I'M “ARMED” NOW, WITH KNOWING WHAT KIND OF SHIT-FUCKERIES WERE PULLED ON ME!)
Oh... and “Chris” tells that she's originally from “NEK”! (That's supposed to be “the Conservative enclave” of VT... I'll see, soon, I do suppose. It doesn't “comfort” though, I must say.)
And so, I managed to get to market today. I wanted some “greens” for Yonah, so I made a list. THAT proved to be quite a pain in the gut. First of all, some git opened a registre for a fellow employee whilst the customers stood waiting. I was NOT pleased. THEN... THIS EVENING, WHEN I WENT TO WASH THE ROMAINE... I GET FOUR (4) LEAVES OFF OF IT... EVEN THE CORE/HEART HAD BROWN ICK AND MARKS ON IT! I DIDN'T GIVE ANY TO YONAH! SO THE REST WENT BACK INTO THE PRODUCE BAG AND I'LL BE BRINGING IT BACK TO THE MARKET TOMORROW!!! 3$ PISSED-AWAY? NOPE! - And so, when I returned from market, I rolled, yes, in the truck, up to see Nancy, to tell her about Rita, and in the chat, got invited up again, on Friday evening. A small gathering and I'm invited. Not sure why, and not sure I'll attend, but it was kind of her. I think she's come to realise that I'm NOT an “enemy”. Marsha will be at the house tomorrow and Nancy said I should visit. SHE ALSO TOLD ME THAT I COULD GET A SMALL OAK TREE FOR YONAH FROM HER PROPERTY!!! YAY! (I'll be there for THAT!) - And tonight, “meal” was salmon cakes and romaine with ice cream after. It's “trying to settle” as I sit here, at Yonah's work-table, typing. - AS for Yonah... I HAVE to say that I don't know why, but ever since I put the little mirror in the cage for her (she STILL bops her head up and down and round it to see where the other dove is), she's been SO feisty! BUT, she let's me rub her breast, and she plays with my hands and fingers, pecking. She also pecks at my moustache now! It's almost as if we're playing together or she's preening OR, she's establishing that the cage is HER territory... and, I believe, there's a little “showing off” for the “other dove”. But it's AN ABSOLUTE DELIGHT! SHE'S AN ABSOLUTE DELIGHT! I wish I could express how so much I LOVE her, but there aren't any words that even come, let's say, even in the right direction. (I just hope Rita proves a “civil” neighbour. If not? WAR!) I just wish she'd come out of the cage and out of the room... take the rest of the house as hers, as well. - Tonight begins the 3 nights of 9°. There was some sun-shine today, but it's gone cloudy and windy again. None of today's laundry is dry, that's what sort of day it's been. I have Yonah's radiator out for her for the next few nights, just in case. 9 isn't all THAT cold, but I see NO reason why she should even be slightly chilled. NOT in this house. NOT while I'm here for her. - It was a “civil' hour for bed last night and I'm planning on the same for tonight. Nothing on the “agenda” for the week, but early-up would be nice. Hopefully I'll be up and ready to roll in the morning, tomorrow. I've been “tired” most of today. Most of that because of the prune juice though. Tomorrow? Well... that's “tomorrow”. For now, I'm so incredibly BLESSED... Yonah appears to be getting ready to “settle” for the night... coo'ing at the dove in the mirror. The room is darkening as the clouds thicken. “Pachelbelly” is playing. We're together, in the shelter of this little old house. Life, for now, is fine... for “us”. - 20.18 Rain, on and off during the day and tonight, threat of 9° so, tonight, Yonah's radiator will be on. As always, no matter the temperature in the rest of the house, her room will be kept warm for her.
She was her “now-usual” playful self during the day, today. But she's still not spending much time out of her “house” (I just cannot get myself to comfortably call that “crate” a “cage”. It's not. She's not “caged”. The door is wide open all day and she's free to come and go and travel the entire house, should she desire. Actually, it's more to “protect” her than “confine”.) Anyway, indeed, she was playful, pecking at my fingers and hand, and since I can put my head in, to the shoulders, she pecked at my head and face! She's a little “riot of laughter”.
It's now 20.21, the winds are picking up out-side, the clouds are coming in. There's a “notice of outage” in the area from the power company, so it's good the radiator is on in her room already. It's not cold in the house, but I'm taking no chances. She's already “tucked-in” for the night. Fresh water in her little “pool” and in her drinking dish. The board to block the out-side light and, nicely enough, to serve as an insulator against any “chill” that might come through her closed windows is up. She's all ready for the night now. “Early” tonight, but it's gotten rather dark out and there are no birds in the yard so, I'm “taking cues from Nature”. If the other birds are “in for the night, it's time for us, in here, to “hunker”. My little Love will get her rest tonight and tomorrow? Well, tomorrow we'll attack another day... together. (That does my heart so much good... knowing she's here, safe, protected, warm.)
I'm at the kitchen table, hot water at hand, ready to take night pills, watch a Brit and then head to the bed! Early... I hope. And I'll be starting to “journal” here with excerpts from Yonah's Journal as I try to “catch-up” for her “on-site Journal”... with “line breaks” and such. I didn't get much of that done today, between my fatigue and running about. But tomorrow... tomorrow... the only “outing” will be to get her tree, and I'd like to get some “grasses” to make some sort of “toy” for her to “play with” in her cage. I'm thinking a “braided” something that will hang. I just need “good grass” and I believe I can get that at the old barn down the road, in the meadow. The weather is supposed to be fair, so... a good day to get a tree and grass. Other than that? Nothing. - My left-side groin is still painful tonight. But as I type I seem to remember other times of the same. Well, as 'tis said “This too shall pass”. - Right now, I'm tired... TIRED... and need to take my “pills”. Hopefully it will be a night of SLEEP followed by a morning of energy and abilities... “hopefully”... BOLLOCKS! I'm SO TOO FUCKING OLD! - 22.05 Done... 4 tarts... and I NEED to stop that shit! Hot water done. And I'm off to last smoke, brush teeth and to bed!!! I'm exhausted, and mostly because of the prune juice. - No “electric outage” (yet, I suppose) but e-mails, even from the dolts at Spectrum! Imagine, sending e-mail to say your Internet is out. Morons. Anyway... enough of this day. A shower would have been nice but I'm tired so... Off we go... At least Yonah won't get cold... 9° by about 1.00 tomorrow and all of 10° early in the day. Baby's warm!!!

Wed.16.Jun: 9.23 Well, last night it was into bed and lights out by 22.30, no reading... just to bed. Up again at 1.30-ish to the loo and back to bed. There was one more loo-trip, but I honestly don't remember when, and then, sleep until the alarms and “morning call”. When I went to bed, I was “spinning”. Not sure if it was because of the “cleanse” from the prune juice, coupled with the “sugar rush” of the tarts, or perhaps that “vertigo” or just “me” in general, but it was quite uncomfortable. Still, I managed to get to sleep... or what-ever it is I do of a night. - This morning, indeed, up and out of bed by about 6.15 and the house had a “chill”. (The window fan in the bed-room is registering a mere 66F at present, and the sky is clear so... it WAS quite chilly last night. Thankfully, Yonah's radiator was on through.) - Thus far, I've managed to get the “work jeans and shirt” washed and on the line, and just finishing morning coffee. Yeah... “dressed”. And Yonah is “a-top” already, coo'ing to the world and feisty as could be. - I'm pondering taking that pine-branch I got LAST year, intending to make a little “sign-post” for the front porch, and trying to use it for the feeder in the back. Have to figure the configurations and truthfully, what I'd like “most” right now is... go for a snooze. But I also want to get to visit with Marsha, get an oak for Yonah, get some grasses to make some sort of “amusement” for her as well. The floors need a bit of a wash. I'm trying to figure how to juggle money about to get flowers for the front porch and smokes for the rest of the month. NYSEG FINALLY posted yesterday. Of course, the bloody rent cheque is still out-standing. And generally speaking, I'm just in one of those “no mood” moods again, this morning. So? A snooze... 20-30 minutes and we'll take it from there. No sense working out back just now... Why? Because there isn't. And that's that for this. - (PS: This lap-top journal is up to 18 pages... there's a need to post to servers here too. I just don't... have the interest, energy, ambition, motivation... and I don't like me being this way. But this is the way I be and... yeah... snooze... WTF? Why not? Eh?) - 15.59 YONAH HAS AN OAK TREE! I went up to Nancy's this morning, at about 10.00 and chatted with Marsha for a bit and then, followed the Kullmans' path, from the yard down to the river. I've FINALLY gotten to BE at the “other bank” and, from what I see, the river is a lovely place to splash about, when the days reach to the 30s. Nothing “spectacular”, but a very nice place to “cool”, I should think. Anyway... after going down to the river and along the road, I found THE oak tree... just beside their drive! And so... at 13.00, yes, 13.00 I was back, “potting” the oak tree in the “catch” that used to be for the ivy in the living-room. BUT... IT FITS SO NICELY! I just HOPE it survives. It's in its own soil, watered, VERY well, with river water, and a bit of moss over the soil (which Yonah has already found some “fun” with... photo taken, of course). ANYWAY... I don't know why, exactly, but I was on a “roll” and went to the back garden to “plant” the “pine stump” and screw the “boot tray” to it so now, there's another “new” bird-feeder out there. - AND... WHILST I WAS OUT IN THE GARDEN, ALVIN CAME BY TO TELL ME THAT HE'S PUTTING THE KEY TO THE BASEMENT NEXT DOOR, ON THE “LEDGE”... “HUD” IS COMING TO INSPECT THE PLACE... *** AND *** ALDEN WILL BE COMING TOMORROW, ONLY FOR THE DAY, TO INSPECT WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO PASS THE “HUD INSPECTION”!!! *** THEN *** WHILST I WAS IN THE GARDEN AND ALVIN IN THE DRIVE, THE NEW MAIL CARRIER TRIED TO ZIP THROUGH FROM THE HILL SIDE! POOR QUNT HAD TO BACK OUT OF THE DRIVE BECAUSE I'D PUT THE TRUCK BY THE DOOR BECAUSE OF BRINGING THE TREE IN AND THEN CONTINUING WITH MY DAY'S ACTIVITIES. *** KICKER *** SHE HAD THE AUDACITY TO “COMMENT” ON MY TRUCK BEING THERE: “THAT'LL TEACH ME FOR NOT PAYING ATTENTION.” AND ALVIN TOLD HER “OH JUST BUMP IT! PUT IT IN NEUTRAL AND LET IT ROLL.” SO I SAID “OH GOOD! THEN I GET A NEW TRUCK, BUY THE HOUSE, GET RID OF THE POST OFFICE!” SAYS THE QUNT “YOU GUYS ARE TERRIBLE.” AND WENT ABOUT HER BUSINESS. YEAH? I HAVEN'T YET, BUT SOON WILL, MAKE WHAT I MUST OF THE SITUATION. AND I CAN'T WAIT TO “HEAR” ABOUT IT TOMORROW... I'M IN NO FUCKING MOOD TO FUCK ABOUT WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!! SO NEEDLESS TO SAY, I'M IN A SOUR MOOD. - In other news... I've Hoovered the house... “lightly”, just because it really is over-due.
IN YONAH NEWS... SHE LIKES HER NEW TREE AND SHE'S BEEN EVER SO SO *** SO *** AFFECTIONATE TODAY! SHE COMES TO ME WHEN I GO TO THE CAGE AND SHE COME TO GET HER “STROKING” NOW! SHE EVEN LET ME PICK HER UP AND PUT HER ON THE OUTER PERCH (THAT I PUT THERE YESTERDAY) WHILST I “INSTALLED” HER TREE! SHE'S TRULY REALLY ACTUALLY “ACCUSTOMED” TO AND ACCEPTING OF ME!!! WE'RE NOW... “A COUPLE”, “AN ITEM”... WE'RE “FAMILY”!!! AND I COULDN'T BE MORE HONOURED!!!
And now, I'm going to throw something together to go with the 3 left-over salmon cakes from yesterday (probably noodles and veggies), call it “meal” and let the rest of the day roll... I'm truly so tired right now and quite hungry. Hopefully an early night and a night of restful sleep, an early morning and a day of... well... nothing “deadly”. I'm NOT looking forward to seeing Alden, BUT... FUNNIEST BIT: THE RENT FOR JULY IS ALREADY READY FOR THE POSTING. TECHNICALLY, HE COULD TAKE IT WITH HIM WHEN HE LEAVES TOMORROW. BLOODY ARSE. - 19.35 It's getting a bit chilly already and Yonah's gone in for her “evening meal”. She's been “a-top” all day.
BUT THE VERY BEST OF THE DAY WAS... AS I WAS SITTING AT TABLE, HAVING “MEAL”, WATCHING “THE NEWS” WHEN I HEARD THE FLUTTERING OF WINGS SOARING PAST... YONAH TOOK FLIGHT FROM HER ROOM, THROUGH THE KITCHEN, TO THE BACK DOOR AND BACK TO HER ROOM!!! I tried to get her to come to the kitchen on my arm, but as soon as I got to the table, she went back to her room. The feathers on that left wing must be making flight a bit difficult for her so she's tired when she takes even the short flights. My heart breaks to think. But she's been playful all day, REALLY playful, welcoming the little “breast strokes” and jousting with my fingers. And she even lets me get my face right against her! I'm SO BLESSED!!!
And so, another day is coming to a close. The house is Hoovered, the laundry is in. OH OH OH AND THE MOURNING DOVES... ON THE NEW FEEDER! THREE AT A TIME! THEY'VE FOUND IT AND OBVIOUSLY APPROVE!!! AND THE CHIPMUNKS? I watched as one came out and obviously noticed “things had changed” in the “garden”. It looked “confused”! Couldn't get up to the seeds! Later, I saw another one start to climb the fence, got a few “spaces” up and noticed that there was no more jumping to the seeds and climbed right back down! Now, tomorrow, we'll see how the squirrels do. If they hit the tray the wrong way, THEY'RE DOWN! And I'll laugh! (I put more food out for the birds a little while ago and MOURNING DOVES came back! I'm thrilled! - And now... night pills, hot water, a Brit and if I can... a quick shower before bed. I'd like to take one. And tomorrow morning, I'll quick-mop the floors. (There's an “angry” part of me that's looking forward to seeing Alden tomorrow... and I can't help but remember what Rita told me”
He spoke VERY highly of you. Told me you were the second best tenant he's ever had, after Joan.”
Yeah... Joan was on “HUD” so he was getting more money from her so of course, I'd NEVER take “first”. Oh... and Marsha is on “Section 8” so SHE would have been paying him more... but he told her that the rent was 450... Rita's paying 600!!! FUKKOFF... PLEASE! - 20.39 Yonah is tucked-in for the night, radiator on “3”. I'm having yoghurt and then heading to the shower and to bed! - My left nut is painful again, tonight. This had BETTER NOT BE ANOTHER HERNIA! BUT... I seem to remember having this before, and it has something to do with the position of the waist-line of my jeans. And my gut is still rather “large” so... We shall see. Meanwhile... I'm off to a Brit and that's the end of THIS day... Tomorrow I MUST run into town... smokes and... I HATE the very thought but... and it's good for the truck too (though not for the gas situation... another quarter tank down... SHIT!) - 21.36 Off to the shower. - Quick check of the accounts... the fuktard's rent is still out-standing!

Thu.17.Jun: 20.55 It's been QUITE the day! Started as usual, but with a bit more cleaning, of floors and the likes. Yonah got fresh river sand too. - At about 7.00-ish, the woman from HUD was in the back, looking for Nr.5. Even THEY can't figure this shit-box! Well, I told her where, and helped her find the key (at the door to the cellar next-door) and went about my “morning”. - Alden showed at about 9.30 or 10.00-ish AND SAYS TO ME “YOU HAVEN'T HAD YOUR SHOT SO I WON'T BE GETTING TOO CLOSE TO YOU.” WHAT FUCKERIE! AND... I CAN SAFELY ASSUME THAT THE SHIT-BAG NEXT DOOR TOLD HIM! I'M RIP-FUCK PISSED! AND HE, ARSE-HOLE, HAS HAIR TO THE SHOULDERS. ADMITS HE WON'T GO TO A BARBER FROM SINCE MARCH... LAST-FUCKING-YEAR! “VACCINATED”, MASKLESS AND ALL THIS BULL-SHIT! I'M AT THE END! Didn't stay too long and didn't chat too much, but just enough to tell me that he was “worried about working with Chris... Rita's daughter AND TO TELL THAT RITA'S FROM VERMONT! A VERMONTER! I'M DETERMINED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW! Anyway... he left and I ran into town for smokes and a few groceries and at FamDoll... PENNY brought up “politics” and she and Rylan are... fellow Conservatives! THAT did my heart quite a bit of good... especially after dealing with shit-bag. - I'd stopped at Nancy's on the way to and back but there was nobody home... so rolled back to the house... The rest of the day was, well, a “waste”... I know I took A snooze, but that's about it, and it was for only about 25 minutes! The rest? I honestly can't recall. - THEN, this after-noon... a text... from Nancy: JACK WAS IN CRITICAL SURGERY IN GLENS FALLS! HE'D BEEN HIT BY A CAR, IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE, CHASING A CHIPMUNK!!! FUCK! It was later, when I was CLEANING ON THE “HILL” SIDE OF Nr.5 when Nancy drove by to tell me that some SHIT-FUCKER came down the hill and HIT Jack! He tried to keep going but there was somebody right behind him who managed to stop him. He thought his truck exploded and was denying he'd hit Jack! I hope there's a MAJOR insurance in this and that Paul and Nancy get EVERY BIT that the medics can do for Jack. I wish I knew who the bastard is... I think of Yonah, and Mimou... and Hallie... but Yonah because she's here and Mimou because I wanted to bring him with me! It tears my heart apart! Hopefully I'll find out who the fuck-tard-in-breed is... and then... never mind... there WILL be a “then” though! Tear-assing down the hill like that and then trying to get away! SHIT is about to be SLUNG... around here! - So, to “work-off” some “anger”, I decided to get to the cleaning of Nr.5... I have NO real interest in this shit-box any more, even though Scum-bag says “You officially have the cleanest house in The North Country”. FUCK YOU! My day is coming! Anyway, I was raking and digging and Chris pulled in. A “4:00 meeting” with Alden. We chatted and scum-nuts arrived and they went into the house, I moved some day lilies and chatted with Chris's kid. (Rita's family are from QC! NOW I'm thinking “Oh great! French! This is NOT going to be all that pleasant. Once upon a time I would have WELCOMED it, but the combo of French-Canadian-Vermonter... Yeah... Yonah and I NEED to find better quarters... QUICKLY!) Any-hoo, I got some more time to “chat” with Rita and she left... then scum-nuts called to me from inside next door to say “Good bye”. OH... HE SAW ME WORKING ON THE HOUSE AND I GOT THE WHITE MOWER RUNNING SO ALL THE SHIT WAS “MULCHED” AND THE STREET WAS PERFECTLY CLEAN SO HE SAW MY WORK! NOT THAT IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE, I'M SURE... FUCKING WASTE, THAT ONE. But HE WOULDN'T LEAVE THE KITCHEN NEXT DOOR BECAUSE I WAS ON THE PORCH! THESE SHITS ARE AT THE END OF MY PATIENCE. - It was just about 17.00 when I came back in. Thankfully, I'd put 4 chicken breasts in to bake and they were ready for “meal”... and all returned to “normal”... except my anger... combined... scum-nuts, the French-Canadian-Vermonter and JACK! So tonight, I'm in a “state”. -
Meanwhile... Yonah's been “playful” again today. I'm trying to figure out how to get her to the living-room in the evening to get the sun. And I have to order some vit.D for her. It's a touch costly and the package that I want is “Out of Stock” ... of course (more anger). BUT... she's liking her oak tree AND the added external perch! So... that much is good. - I'm having hot water, a Brit. Then off to the shower and to bed! It's already 21.18... LATE! Yonah's tucked-in for the night, her radiator is on “4” tonight because of the 8° coming and tomorrow it's supposed to rain. OH OH OH... she flew off the top of the crate today and landed on my HEAD! I tried to get her to the kitchen but once she knew she was leaving her room, she headed back! SO CUTE! - I have a LOT of photos to get to her site, much to do on her Journal... and tomorrow will be dedicated to that! - Right now... I've had my pills and need to get ready for BED! THIS has been a “wrenching” day! And I'm really fed-the-fuck-up with this place and the traffic, the noise, the nosey, the fuckeries!

Fri.18.Jun: 8.40 I think I got out of bed at some time close to 7.00 this morning, following a night of more horrific contractions in legs and feet (solved, as they are, but socks... I don't understand the co-relation, but, it appears to help so... I'll just leave it at that). I'm not surprised, really, because I actually “did something” yesterday, with the shovelling and such. No good deed goes un-punished. And this morning, I'm tired... but then, that's a “normal” sort of day for me any more ... tired... all the time. I have to wonder: is it really some kind of “vertigo”? My left ear has given me “trouble” for some time, between strange, deep itching and then a “heaviness” sensation in what I perceive as the 'inner ear”. Lately, the right ear has been 'sensitive” and I'm swabbing that with alcohol (again, as I've done before). Maybe it IS just “inner ear” troubles that's causing all the difficulties with dizziness, nausea, fatigue. Oh, it's useless to dwell on it. I'm not going to “do” anything about it. And, well, I do suppose I'm “due for expiration” anyway... so... along we go. - And now, I'm dressed, the “morning routine” is done. Yonah's “waters” have been changed and she's a-top. The house has a “chill” so the back door is open but I'm waiting on the windows. The forecast, as of last night, was for rains today... it's changed... to sun. I WANT TO FIGURE A WAY TO GET YONAH INTO THE SUN-SHINE! BUT WITH THE TRAFFIC ON THE DRIVE AND SUCH, I REALLY AM ANNOYED AND WANT TO FIND A NICE LITTLE PLACE WHERE SHE CAN BE IN THE SUN AND WE DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MORONS ROLLING BY. To that, as well, this morning, at the “T” of the main and the Hill, there's a plastic cup and a broken bungee in the road. Trash, here, in a hamlet in the middle of no-where, on the way to no-where... “A quiet little place in the Adirondacks”... Wow, has THIS ever proved to be bull-shit. But then again, it ain't Lake Placid or some tourist trap. If things are this bad here, I can't imagine (and don't want to) how much worse it is in the “larger towns”. - Well, another day of disquiet, let's just call it that. But I'm off to spend time catching-up with Yonah's journal... as she coo's the morning away, up above and to my left. - And I think of Jack this morning, in hospital, in pain, caused by some shit-bag-fuktard! Last night, my “prayer” (as it were) was that he recovers, completely, BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF YONAH, because I KNOW “Life” is just that way: IF we get something, “Life” take some-thing else away, some-thing or some-body that will cause us the most pain. There's always “pain” of some kind involved in “Life”. And again this morning, I ponder: We come to “be” for a period of time, and then we cease to “be” and in the long run, NOTHING we do, for what-ever reason or cause, makes ANY difference, doesn't make the existence of ANYbody or ANYthing else ANY the better for ANY of it. “Life”, “Being”, is so utterly useless... meaningless, ridiculous, farce, not even bull-shit because, well, in some way, bull-shit serves... the by-product of nourishing a bull... who's existence is other-wise as useless as the existence of any-thing else. And, in it's way, the shit serves to “nourish” plants which serve to nourish the “little ones”... but, at it's core, not one thing, one bit of “Creation” has ANY logical purpose. - I'm being defeatist this morning ... not that I care. - 8.55 and the little idiot at the pee-oh has just rolled past the kitchen. (One of the days, I'm going to put some screws to that fukshow. I'm just figuring the most opportune moment. It needs to be focused on the purpose. When I figure that... A lot of my sentiments now rest on Jack... I'm not handling that matter well at all... People... “Justice”... oh, it all just serves to piss me off and make my day miserable... time to move along until... well... “meal” and end-of-another-day. Ah.. “Shabbat”... WHO the fuck really cares? It's all “tradition” and that's pretty much stupidity as well...) - 9.41 Caught Nancy passing the house and managed to talk with her when she stopped at the pee-oh. JACK ATE SOMETHING AND IS IN AN “OXYGEN TENT”! BUT HE'S EATING! AND HE'S RESPONDING TO THE PRESENCE OF THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM. THEY HAVE TO CHECK TO MAKE SURE HIS BLADDER IS OK AND THEY SAY HE'S YONG ENOUGH TO WHERE HE HAS A GOOD CHANCE OF RECOVERING! The bad news: Nancy has NO idea WHO the shit-bag is who hit him... A “dark red-burgundy car” and the woman who stopped him drove a black car. And Nancy has NO idea who either of them are! I told her she should find out and sue the dreams out of the bastard and make sure that Jack has THE VERY BEST medical treatment possible! (I was almost in tears talking with her.) Now I'm almost determined to find out who the shit is! Even if on my own! (Maybe a sign at the PO? Sarcastic “Thanks for ploughing our little ones... shit-bag!” What the Hell? I don't see why not!) - Now, back to Yonah's journal... its a hazy sort of sunny morning. Yonah's window and the back door are open. The house is a touch “chilly”, in spite of the 21° in Yonah's room. But at least there's no ice! - 21.03 I'm quite late tonight. Dan came by, walking the one dog he now has to the house-hold. The other one has died during the week and is now with the other little ones that went before him: cremated. So I saw them pass the front door and went out to chat. - Nancy rolled by, with Paul in the car. She says that Jack's x-rays came out well and he might be able to return home on Sunday!!! I am SO SO SO HOPEFUL! Last night, before sleep, I “prayed” (I guess it could be called that), with the express proviso that, granting the prayer did NOT rely on “give and take”... in other words, NOT an “exchange”... Jack for Yonah! But it was my “wish/prayer” that Jack would heal, to live a good life. Well... Sunday will tell me whether or not my wish was granted. But the news is so up-lifting! - As for the day? Well aside from the “journal entry” for Yonah's journal today, I did relatively little, as usual. The day slipped by SO quickly, as they tend to do. BUT... from Yonah's Journal, I HAVE to add here:
”Today has been THE MOST remarkable day! I can't help but think that it's been 8 months to get to this point but... those accounts I've read about doves becoming “attached” and “loving” (they call them “pets” but I didn't then, don't now and never will think of Yonah as a “pet”... she's exceptionally so very much more) “companions” but I never though Yonah would ever become “attached” to me to any particular extent other than coming to terms with me being a “provider” of food and shelter. But TODAY has proven to be QUITE the exception and a lesson to me that will NEVER be forgotten! Today, Yonah has been even MORE affectionate than she's ever been! Playing with my fingers, my hand, allowing me to stroke her, and even “caress” her! She's always been “skittish”, as it's called, about my entire hand being too close to her. A flicking finger has been a “play thing”, she's pecked at it and we “bob and weave” about, me, talking all the while and making little “coo'ing” sorts of sounds. But today, as she was on her perch, she “snuggled” against my face and I was “allowed” to stroke her back and side ever-so gently, as she pecked at my beard and moustache. (Again, I keep my eyes shut as tightly as possible because she does like to “go for the eyes”... the brows, mostly, but the eyes get involved and, well, she could easily poke one right out with her beak so, as much as I would NEVER suggest or recommend letting a mourning dove poke at one's face, well...) And she almost “preens” the top of my head! But it's the “touching”! Up until about 3 days ago, “touching” was completely out of the question! She'd run, fly, do anything to dodge a touch. Not today. Today was ALL about “affection”! Hey, it took eight months, but it's been so very, VERY worth every moment of waiting and tonight, my heart is so completely FULL! The honour, privilege, blessing... the *TRUST*! There truly is NOTHING in a life-time, in Creation, that can surpass this!
And now, as I “journal”, she's “tucked-in” for the night. And she's taken to her new tree so very well! It “surrounds” her “sleep perch” and she's just as “at home” there, amidst and amongst the leaves as she could possibly be. (Sadly, she tries to “perch” in the little limbs but the tree is so very young that it doesn't really support her. Yet, the perch lends support and thankfully, she doesn't fall.)
She's amazing, awe-inspiring, awe-provoking, just AWE itself.
Low temperature tonight is expected to be 16° and rains are expected so her windows are closed (as well as her curtains, of course). But no radiator. She should be most comfy. And, of course, the water in her pool and drinking dish are changed, fresh for the over-night.
She spent most of the day a-top her cage and for the few hours I was at the work-table, she flew about, off the cage and back, several times. She's getting her exercise and I'm thrilled about that. Her wings might not carry her very far, but they do need the use and she's got EVERY freedom to use them as much and as often as she wishes.
Earlier, I was out on the Hill, talking with a neighbour and when he left, I walked past her window and “coo'ed”... she came to the window and coo'ed back! She recognises my voice, when I coo and when I speak! Yes, indeed... I can happily... JOYOUSLY and JOYFULLY say... we've “bonded”... we're closer than actual “family” and my heart is just expanding with celebration and, to be sure... LOVE! I NEVER would have expected this but... here it is. It's just indescribably amazing!
And now, she can get some sleep. Tomorrow is “stay at home” for me... HOURS together. Nothing could be better.”
So WHO could be bitchy or complain? Eh? Not me! - So, “night pills” were taken at 20.30 and I'm looking forward to another quick shower before bed and getting to bed and lights out before 23.00! So I'm off to a Brit and then... - It's been a PURELY DELIGHTFUL day! And tomorrow? Well... No work, no running... time with YONAH! - 22.19 I don't “need” a shower tonight and so it appears I won't be taking one. But before I go to bed, I want to note:
The house... strange sounds, first from Yonah's room, then, as I walked to the “Hill” side, on the street, it sounds as if the house is “settling” or there's something in the cellar. It's stopped now. But about 20 minutes ago, it repeated, several times inside and then once when I was out. I don't like it. Good thing the machete is sharpened. So too, the knives at bed-side. - Now... to hope for a night's sleep... and a GREAT morning! I'm off...

Sat.19.Jun: 9.03 and already it's proving to be quite the morning... with sun and temperatures already up into 20° to begin with. And having actually SLEPT... in bed by 22.30, lights out by 23.00, up for a loo-run at 0.24 and thinking “It would be ever-so nice if I could just get back to bed, fall asleep and sleep through until, at least, 6.30...” WELL! I DID! Got out of bed at about 6.45! SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! Woke, and got right to the “morning routine” including the “changing of the rolls” for Yonah which was a laugh-riot this morning with her jumping onto my head again AND “tolerating” ALL SORTS OF AFFECTION! And, ashamedly, I didn't wash the coffee press yesterday, which I discovered only this morning when I went to make today's coffee. And now, dressed, done with some “Internet” nonsense (like Twatters and my e-mail, in which there was a “I miss you” and such from Tess which has been “filed” and will be ignored)... and the bloody pee-oh is open and the qunt rolled through the drive this morning, again and I'm in an “off mood”, to be sure. But... it's Saturday and Yonah is coo'ing and there's MUCH to journal and post and such and so... I'm off to the loo and then to a day with the “Bibiness”!!!! And the rest of the world can rot in Hell as far as I'm concerned. Oh... but the dream:
MOVING! I was moving house, from a little flat that I happened to have been in for quite some time and loved muchly. Not clear “why” I was moving, but there was some “necessity” about it. And, it was in The City... a combination of The Bronx and Rockaway. The “new” place was in a building some-where in the “wilds of Queens”, out of the way, not a “desirable” neighbourhood, but not exactly a miserable one either. I just didn't really like it all that much but the rent was affordable and the place was available and I needed it quite soon. Actually, I had been living in the same building and was moving from one flat to another, different flat, different floor... but at times, during the dream, I was moving from The Bronx to Queens... so that's how dreams go anyway and the ambiguity is a “normal” aspect of most of my dreams anyway. Still, the main concept of it all: I was moving and not happy about it. And so, even though I'd taken the “new” place, previously un-seen, I was in to have a look at the place. The lay-out was much different from the place I was in and the rooms were noticeably and considerably smaller. On entering from the hall (which needed cleaning), directly ahead was a narrow “kitchen” with one window at the far end which looked out onto a partial breeze-way (almost similar to 232nd St. and Vanzini's place in Flushing). There was “sufficient” day-light coming into the kitchen so that wasn't too bad. But there was only “just enough” room to place a small table and perhaps, 2 chairs. What I noted was that the sun-light was “hazy”... as if the “air” in the breeze-way was “dusty”. From the front door, to the left, rather like Rochambeau, was an extremely narrow hall-way. Next to the kitchen was the living-room that had “day-light” but no window! There was only but just about enough space in the width of the room to put my futon and not much else. The bed-room was next. That had 2 windows, one on each of the 2 walls that also looked-out onto a breeze-way that was darker than the one in the kitchen. The loo was “some-where” along the hall-way, I can't actually “place it but it was there, I'd seen it from the hall-way. And at the very end of the hall-way was a door that opened into a “closet/dressing room” off of which were 2 or 3 other doors, each of which were closets... THAT was similar to the end of the hall-way at 5225 in VT! The bed-room was a bit of a mess, with drop-cloths and painting supplies along the wall and across the floor. The land-lord was doing the re-paint job and shittily, and in no particular hurry. I was some-what concerned about the time-frame but thought that, if I can't move out of my current place and into this one at a time suitable to him (the land-lord), it's not my problem (continuing at 11.27 because I suddenly got SO tired that I HAD to have a 30-minute lie-down! most “concerning”, to put it lightly)There was some-one with me, a woman. In the dream, I knew her, but she was a bit of “Dottie” (from Decatur), and this new “Rita” who's to move in next door on the 29th of this month (in reality). She wasn't “sympathetic” to the stress of this moving and I wasn't at all too appreciative of her presence, following me about the flat. When I'd done looking at the place, heavy-chested, heavy-hearted because I truly didn't much care for or even slightly “like” the new place, it being so small, the sun-light being mostly indirect and “hazy”, and there was an “old” smell to it that I knew wouldn't go away any time too soon, I stepped out-side of the building which was rather similar to this place here, in NR... a 2-storey (or higher... more ambiguity) wood-frame, chipping, peeling, old white paint, part wood clapboard and part old asbestos shingles. The paint was peeling horribly and the land-lord (yes, Alden) was standing out front, his wife was up a ladder, peeling paint from the front of the building with a wide-blade putty knife! The land-lord started with me immediately, touting all the “positives” about the new flat (all of which I knew, were bull-shit), and how “lucky” I am that it became available when it did, just when I needed it and all sorts of such shitterie. I commented on the fact that he had his wife “up a ladder” and doing all the actual difficult work whilst he couldn't even be bothered doing the painting in the flat. “She prefers it that way.” he said and she called down “If *I* don't do it it'll either never get done or it won't get done properly!” Her voice was angry and her facial expression was “disgusted”. All the while, I was fed-up with both of them, just fed-up with the entire situation, particularly that it was necessary for me to move from where I SHOULD have been quite comfortable and had, after several years there, put in SO MUCH WORK, with painting and general maintenance. As my anger rose... I woke...
OK. Its now 11.39 and it's been another “slip-fucked” sort of morning where I've accomplished things but accomplished nothing other than, as I've put, a “snooze”. Then again, I shouldn't say so because Yonah's house got cleaned, kitchen roll and such. And I've just finished making a bit of a “cushioned” sill on her window so that she can bask in the sun (WHEN it manages to shine into the window through the bleating clouds that keep passing). I WANT her to get SUN... for the vit.D! And this place, being what it is, doesn't provide the necessary space to make any sort of thing or place to put a cage or something out... even in the back... where the fuktards, dip-shits, morons, idiots, in-breeds, retards &c. come screeching through. (Yeah, this place is getting to me... even in my dreams now.) Anyway, I'll put the “sill” and the morning's events on Yonah's journal. Meanwhile, here we are, in her room. The day is just getting warmer, the humidity, higher. And me? I'm just waiting for the pee-oh to close and these shits... AH... 11.50, the pee-oh-in-breed has started her engine! AT LAST! The shits will now return to their scum-slicks... and tomorrow... NONE OF THEM! Let the peace commence! - I'm off to check the post (simply because and to have a casual smoke), the loo, mid-day pills and a day with YONAH! -
(13.49 I am sitting at the work-table in Yonah's room, looking through some sites for information on “beak diseases” because her beak is looking a bit “pink” close to her eyes and SUDDENLY... SHE LEFT HER HOUSE AND HAS LANDED ON MY SHOULDER!!! AND SHE APPEARS TO BE MOST COMFY THERE! IN FACT, SHE'S SITTING THERE AS I TYPE THIS! She's pecked at my beard and ear a little but other-wise... she's just sitting on my shoulder!!! And I'm in AWE! TRULY! Literally! Yonah is accepting me and is no longer afraid of me!)
20.48 The day was SUPER! Clear. Sunny. A magnificent breeze all day. Warm. AND... ALL of it spent with Yonah! I worked on her Journal at the work-table and SHE... well SHE spent it flying about the room, from the top of her house to the inside AND... AT LEAST TWICE, COMING TO SIT ON MY HEAD AS I TYPED AND ON MY SHOULDER!!! IT'S ABSOLUTELY, INDESCRIBABLY INDESCRIBABLE! “Kissing”. Pecking. ALMOST cuddling! And EVERY time I walked out of the room, she stood there, staring at the door-way, waiting for me to come back! If today hasn't been “bonding”, there's no such thing as “bonding”. Today, of ALL the days of all the months we've been together, we were actually quite an “item”, a “pair”, a “couple”! And those sudden “wing flaps” that she's done “at” me? Well, they've become more of a “HEY! HI!” because, when I put my fingers up to stroke or play with her after she does that, she's SO playful! It's absolutely WONDERFUL! So, no matter what else may have transpired over the course of this day (and nothing did)... THIS WAS WHAT ONE CAN CALL A “PERFECT” DAY! And now, her “waters” have been changed, for the pool and drinking, her windows are closed because there's threats of storms tonight, the “light block” is up and she's all tucked-in for the night. WHAT an absolute LOVE! - And working on her Journal... I'm just getting to the end of November (2020) and it's a lesson that I'm glad to be posting on-line because it's been SUCH and almost incredible “journey” with her. From her not moving, not coo'ing, staying, for the most part, in a corner of that horrid “cage” I'd built for her at first... the “accidents” of flying into walls and windows... the green and horribly watery poops... and my panics over everything (those, admittedly, haven't stopped, I still panic over the slightest change in her) to today... flying, of her own, to me, perched on my head, my shoulder, the playing, the coo'ing. She's literally a “Miracle” in my life! And me? I've been SO blessed and honoured... there are no words for it... for ANY of it! - As I sat to “meal” this evening, there was quite the stir on the Hill... Sheriff and all sorts of “official” vehicles speeding up from the main!!! I actually found a web-site that broadcasts police calls and was listening. All I know is that they closed the top of the Hill to traffic and there was something mentioned about “only one vehicle”. I have NO idea WHAT could have happened but, short of Nancy on a binge, I hope what-ever it was was serious enough for SOME body to take SOME sort of notice of what goes on with traffic and the likes “up there”. And if it was some sort of “collision”... GOOD! No doubt, short of a heart attack or seizure, a good and serious “mash-up” is just what some of these shit-bags deserve! (All the more reason to keep the street light at this corner out! Let them run off the fucking road... coming through here at 65-75mph! JUST so long as they DON'T slam into Yonah's room because if THAT should happen, they BETTER PRAY that I go with her because if I don't... with my last breath, I'll be out there with the machete and tracking them will be easy-peasy... just follow the blood trail!!!!!) Anyway, that said, it's already 21.05 and I'm sitting here in a sweat! Pills taken. Another hot water at hand. No “tarts” tonight so I'll have to find something else to nosh. But I don't want to be in bed late. Not that there's any particular reason to be up too early tomorrow but I don't want to be tired! I WANT to get MORE done on Yonah's Journal! - 23.14 Ice cream. Brit. Got a song from the “toob”. Time for last smoke. No shower. I'm tired... off to bed. It DID rain... POURED actually. And it's been LOUD with all sorts of White Trash roaring off the Hill. Ah... Rita's coming because “it's quiet”. Yep...

Sun.20.Jun: 9.10 WELL! ANOTHER night of sleep-through! One loo-trip and SLEEP! And NOT getting up for the 6.00 alarm, nor the 7.00, nor the 7.30 but shortly there-after the last. And, as usual, IMMEDIATELY into the “morning routine” with one MAJOR EXCEPTION THIS MORNING...
As usual, I went in to say “Good morning” to Yonah, open the curtains, remove the “light block” and get to changing the waters in the pool and drinking dish... AND WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR TO HER HOUSE... SHE IMMEDIATELY CAME FLYING OUT, WENT DIRECTLY TO THE TOP AND FLAPPED HER WINGS AT ME! SHE WAS READY TO *** PLAY ***!!! And as I worked on the water-changes, she “parked” on my head again... until, of course, I headed to the kitchen for fresh water. But... WHAT A GLORIOUS WAY TO BEGIN A DAY!!! She DOES understand that I'm here as her “companion”, LOVING companion. And she's actually HAPPY to see me! There's NOTHING more in this “life-time” that I could even THINK of asking for (save, more time to be with her and continue to give her even MORE Love). The rest of this world can go tend to itself!
And the sun is shining, the temperatures are supposed to rise, I probably should make a wash, bed-linens or something, but now, breakfast has been served in the back yard, I've had my smokes and am dressed and I'm off to spend another day with Yonah, working more on her Journal... Another day with Yonah! YAY! - Sadly, I'll have to make a run into town at some point, and I actually DREAD even the thought. But... the rest of the day... with Yonah! - (Wow... my right ear has been “sore” for the past few days and this morning, it feels as if there's something “in” there. And the left ear is giving me some trouble... I wonder what got in there. Well. More alcohol and then... to “work”. I can hear. That's all that matters.) - Other-wise... Sunday... NO pee-oh! Though the “boat and camper” traffic on the Hill has been annoying already this morning. We can't have “perfect” and we can't have anything too close to it either. Who cares? Not I! I have Yonah in and as my “Life”... as I say, the rest can fend for itself. - 11.29 Noting: I've tried, thrice, to get Yonah to settle on the little ledge I've made for her in the window so that she gets some sun-shine BUT SHE WILL NOT GO NEAR THE WINDOW! It's as if it scares her! I wonder... is it because she's hit that window before and now she's afraid of it? Or, is she wary of what's beyond it... is she now so comfortable in the house that being OUT THERE frightens her? - Other-wise, I'm sitting at the work-table and she's been flying about... and she's actually been “riding” on my shoulder, clinging to the back of my neck this morning! WOW! ALL in one short day! Well... I said (to myself) it will ALL be “on her time, schedule, whim”... looks like that time has arrived... and as always... I'm honoured. (And working with her Journal, I'm seeing the changes again... over the time... To think, ALL I wanted was to see her take flight, up and away, back to her flock... and here, now, even just as I'm typing, she's come down off her house and is now on my left shoulder... We went for a “stroll” too! TO the living-room! I wanted the phone that was on the charger and she rode, on my shoulder (as I talked to her) to the living-room, I got the phone and paused in the kitchen, to get my “pills”, as the are. She took off, flew around me and came right back to my shoulder! I'm her “safe place”! WOW! And, as soon as we got back to the door-way of her room, she took off and went directly back to her house. Looks like that's her “safe place” now... her place of familiar comfort. I am in AWE! In the truest sense of the word. 12.05 So, I'm sitting here, typing away, and Yonah starts flying “at” me from the top of her house! She hasn't eaten all morning so I gave-in and brought her food up to her. SHE'S STUFFING HER LITTLE CROP! “SPOILED LITTLE BRAT”! She expects to be SERVED! (Reminds me of the current Brit I'm watching of an evening lately: “You Rang M'lord”. I've become a “servant”! And, to be brutally honest... I couldn't be happier! She's SUCH a LOVE! But I WOULD prefer that she go in for eating... I do NOT want her to become used to having her meals “served”! Hmpf! - What a sweet heart!) I've taken my mid-days, mean-while and in about 2 hours, I'll have to head into town. I want smokes, there's nothing enticing at the market this week except butter. I do need some “evening nosh”. But the thought of going into town, to people, to the general population... well... it actually sickens me. Oh well... AND, of course, I don't like leaving Yonah alone... MORE SO NOW THAN EVER BEFORE! SHE'S ENJOYING THE COMPANY... and the “company” is enjoying her... to be honest. Oh, this is a “lost case”... and a delight, to be sure.) - Meanwhile, the quantity of traffic on the Hill is annoying! It's almost been constant all morning... and Colorado, Florida, Massachusetts, and the most disgusting... Vermont! I have to laugh... this Rita has NO idea WHAT being in her place is going to be... She thinks she's coming to “peace”! Well, she'll soon see... when the likes of Maggie and the rest are making turns directly out-side her bed-room window. Of course, I'll be sure to point out that they didn't get away with that bull-shit when “Joan” was here... It's going to be “interesting”... 15.58 Just back from a run into town... I was gone for all of 30 minutes, BUT... WHEN I GOT BACK, I STOPPED IN TO LET YONAH KNOW I'M BACK AND SHE CAME FLYING TO MY SHOULDER! SHE LEFT WHEN I HEADED BACK INTO THE KITCHEN TO PUT THE GROCERIES UP BUT... WHEN I CAME BACK INTO THE ROOM... SHE CAME BACK TO MY SHOULDER!!! WHAT'S MORE? I'D LAID DOWN ON HER FUTON AT ABOUT 14.00, SET THE ALARM FOR 14.30 AND AS I WAS LAYING THERE... SHE CAME FLYING OVER TO ME! FOR THE LONGEST WHILE, SHE PERCHED ON THE PILLOW WHICH, HYSTERICALLY, I BELIEVE MUST LOOK, TO HER, LIKE ANOTHER DOVE BECAUSE SHE WAS FASCINATED BY IT! SO MUCH SO, THAT, WHEN SHE WASN'T “PERCHED” ON IT, STARING AT ME, THEN PRUNING, THEN PECKING AT MY HEAD AND FACE... SHE STOOD ON MY CHEST AND BOBBED HER HEAD, BEAK OPEN, AND GIVING IT COO'S!!! SHE'D FLY BACK TO HER HOUSE FOR A MOMENT OR SO, AND THEN QUICKLY RETURNED TO ME AS I LAID ON THE FUTON! I DO *NOT* KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ALL THIS SUDDEN BURST OF “LOVE AND AFFECTION” FROM HER BUT I HAVE TO SAY... I'M LOVING EVERY MOMENT OF IT! It's almost as if SHE AND I are BOTH now adapting to the fact that WE ARE A “UNIT” FROM NOW ON! IMAGINE! EIGHT MONTHS AND A WEEK... AND IT'S AS IF WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR YEARS! WELL... I'VE BEEN AS BLESSED, HONOURED AND PRIVILEGED AS ANY MORTAL COULD EVER HOPE FOR! AS I SAY, I *AM* IN *AWE*...! SHE'S A “WILD ONE”... AND SHE TRUSTS ME! AND, OBVIOUSLY, WHEN I'M NOT AROUND, SHE MISSES ME... AS MUCH AS I MISS HER! (To tell the truth, it's a beautiful day out there, and I could put a couple of gallons into the truck and take a nice little drive, up to Nancy, maybe down to Deborah's place, as we've talked about, but even the 30 minutes in town are, for me, stressful... I actually MISS being with Yonah! Yep... I'm “lost”... “hopeless”... and I LOVE IT!) 20.12 At about 18.45 I tried to take a snooze on Yonah's futon... “23 minutes” on the alarm. And what I actually got, as far as “snooze”... Not so much as a minute, never mind a moment. I laid down, got comfy and the next thing I heard was “FLUTTER FLUTTER FLUTTER”! Yonah... came over, got on my shoulder, then strolled across my face, onto the pillow, back across my face, down my chest, onto my leg, up the leg, across the chest... it just kept going! oh yeah... TODAY, she's “comfortable”. (Or, as I think of it, “Fathers' Day”? So maybe now I'm her “father” and she wanted to “observe and celebrate” with me? Stranger things..) But the truth is, I couldn't be happier! She TRUSTS me! And to be equally honest, I enjoy EVERY minute of it! It's BEAUTIFUL, knowing she's come to trust me. I can stroke her, play with her, she obviously doesn't feel threatened in ANY fashion. I'm almost as much a part of her life as she is of mine! It's absolutely AMAZING! - Meanwhile... I just went to make a hot water to take the PM meds and... there's almost barely a TRICKLE coming out of the tap! BOTH, hot and cold... Half-kettle... on the count... almost 45 seconds! And I opened the shower to see what comes out of there? Only JUST barely enough to make a spray, and THAT'S a “special” shower-head that's supposed to increase the pressure for a better, water-saving spray! WOW! (I wonder who's filling a swimming pool! OR, since the air is full of shit-smoke-smell... I wouldn't doubt Demings is burning and has a hose open... fuck.) Well, I'll hope that by about 21.00 there's enough water to shower in because tonight, I'd truly LIKE to shower! - And on the topic of tonight and today... THIS was the “longest” day... the “END”. As of tomorrow, the sun will be moving back to the left of the horizon, back to the South. It just doesn't seem at all possible! But then again... 7 months of Winter... just about. It really IS almost split, 50/50, 6 months of each, cold and warm. But the cold seems to last a LOT longer than 7 months. I don't really care... much. I wonder how much I'll get from HEAP this year, for oil... I foresee a “cut”, a drastic reduction and 7 months of REAL AUSTERITY!!! And, of course, I can't even BEGIN to “save” until August because in July, I have an oil change on the truck AND I want an inspection! (And THAT had better pass because if it doesn't... well... it's going to be another Winter on the road... with me, walking!) - And let me, before I forget... That “Maggie Bartlet/Bartley” what-thefuck-ever... OH... the SHIT is truly about to hit ALL the fans! There were 2 mourning doves at the feeder in the back this evening and that old QUNT came rolling along the drive!!! Were it not for Alden coming back and Rita moving in, that drive would be LOADED with nails, glass, screws and blades even now. But I'm NOT giving up on the notion and, one may rest WELL-ASSURED... the day is at hand... I'm at the very END of my patience with the inconsideration and insults. Tyres will go. And if I could figure out how to take the rest of their vehicles out... well, I might just look into it... perhaps somebody on soc.med. will have some ideas of value. What-ever... it's going to stop and stop abruptly and unpleasantly... and I'll see to it. Now I can't even have a bird feeder in the yard? Well... we shall certainly see. (And gee, if rumour is correct, the next Justice of the Peace will be another “Republican/Conservative”. Should be interesting... As much as I don't like the notion, I'll have to get to chatting with Peter when next possible. As the old tune lyric goes: “Somebody's gotta go and it sho' ain't me”!) - Well... 20.29. The day is practically done. Nigh-night time soon. I almost don't want to get Yonah ready for it as usual tonight. But I CAN sleep on the futon in her room. Still, I don't want her getting used to that either and my coughing and getting up in the night to pee. She won't understand and she'll be in there alone, as usual. But, unless other-wise, it probably is best that she have her own room and privacy and calm during the night. (Especially now because there's NO telling WHAT kind of SHIT we're about to be forced to put up with... Oh... how I DO see some sort of “litigation” to come. Although, there's a flat listed, in Chateaugay and the listing “demands” a “double income” and a financial statement to prove ability to cover rent and bills because “the courts are closed and people are claiming covid hard-ships”. Well? GOOD! You got Biden? You get the bull-shit too. But it does make for a bit more of a battle to find housing. (But NOW that Yonah's comfy with me... and I know she and I are together for the duration, moving else-where is MUCH easier... I don't worry about her getting back to her flock. She's happy where she is. I'm happy where she is. And we can be happier in a place where, perhaps, she can have a “house”... in a nice yard. THAT would be PERFECT! And I'm looking. - Almost time for “tuck-in” for the night... for both of us. And I've only JUST finished Yonah's “November Journal”. December next! Thankfully, I've already started to get June running. It's a lot more than I expected. Oh... and there are MORE PHOTOS as well! LOTS more photos! As I said to Yonah this evening... “I'm falling behind and I have NO excuse”!

Mon.21.Jun: 9.01 Some-how, I did NOT want to get out of bed this morning, though last night was a “one contraction” night, the feet, briefly because I got right up, put on the socks and I MAY have had one loo trip but I'm really not certain... that's how well I slept (or, I think I slept). But, at about something-to-7, I DID get up, mostly because of a contraction of the left thigh, and... ROLLED... the “morning routine” which, this morning, has included taking the moss out for a soak-and-rinse, changing the sand in that particular tray, fresh nectar for the hummies out front, and I'm dressed.AND, this morning, although she didn't BOLT for the door when I opened it, Yonah DID BOLT for my shoulder when, after all the “chores”, I sat on her futon, briefly! OH... looks like yesterday's affections weren't “accidental”. She's “amourous” again, this morning! WOOHOO!As for an “agenda du jour”... JOURNALS (this one is up to 26 pages and that will NEVER do) and PHOTOS! It's a warm morning, going up to just above 30° with those “chances” of “orages” and the likes this after-noon (so no, no lavage today). The breeze is comfy but it feels “damp” so we might just get a bit of rain, which would be nice and I might be able to put the orange and avocado out... “might”. - The pee-oh has opened (sadly). - A message from Nancy this morning in reply to mine to her yesterday: Jack is home and “doing pretty well”... assorted smiley emojis. - Other-wise, my attitude is shit, my mood is shit, my sentiments toward this place, these residents, this “fucking land-lord” are shit and so... 'tis another “common” day. Thankfully, no need to leave the house... let the Earth give thanks and praise. A-fucking-men. - I'm off... Yonah is fluttering about in there and I TRULY prefer HER company - Oh... I NEED a shower... and there's water coming from the tap this morning! (I wonder how long that'll last.) - AND... AND... AND... TODAY... will be about a minute shorter than yesterday was. The sun begins it's “move to the South”. How charming... fuck. But I DID recall, last night, as I sat on the porch with smoke, that I moved-in here mid-July and we had some HORRIFICALLY HOT days and nights so... there's that... for what-ever it means. - (And as a note: I'll have to show Rita the entrance to the cellar... I wonder how “cozy” THAT will make her feel... “Vermonter”...) -
9.14 IT'S THE 20-FUCKING-FIRST OF THE FUCKING MONTH AND THAT SHIT-BAG FUKTARD HASN'T PRESENTED THE RENT CHEQUE FOR THE MONTH YET! FUCKING DOLT! ROT-SACK! Yeah... I'm soured to the core where that waste is concerned... On will the hunt for “suitable living”...
20.55 Just checking and oddly enough... July's rent cheque goes out in 2 days (actually, tomorrow night) and June's is still out-standing. That shit-bag's on my last nerve and there's precious little of that left right about now. “Play stupid games... Win stupid prizes”. The SHIT is about to SLAM the FAN! And he's only got the coming week-end to get all the work done in the flat next door because a week from tomorrow, the Vermonter moves in... So? So... HERE WE FUCKING GO!
Meanwhile... we had ANOTHER 'incident” this evening... I was JUST starting to have ice cream after “meal” when Yonah started “calling”, so I waved my arm to her but she wouldn't come to the kitchen. Moments later... the FLUTTER! So I got up, went into her room... SHE WAS CLINGING TO THE CENTRE CURTAIN... BETWEEN THE CURTAIN AND THE WINDOW!!! So I moved her house and SHE DROPPED TO THE FLOOR! I ALMOST ... WELL... I ALMOST DID! BUT SHE WAS OK! Shaken, but OK. So I got on the floor to coax her out. She went to hide under the shelving so I put my arm in and she did come out. Well... she lost 2 wing feathers but, thankfully NO BLEEDING! It took her a while to “recover” but, as I sat, working on her Journal, at “her” work table... she took off again, from inside her house to her “vantage point”! I was SO relieved! But tonight, at “seepie-nigh-night-tuck-in” I noticed a tiny spot of blood on the curtain. But, she's her usual little self... thankfully. (I've put more about it on HER Journal already... I'll have to “link” these two Journals... another “project”). - And we had QUITE THE STORMS today! Earlier, at about 17.35, I was at table, watching the news (as it were) when the house went quite but... BUT... I HEARD THE FUCKING GENERATOR THE “MAYORS” HAVE HAD INSTALLED! LOUD! Thankfully, the outage lasted but a moment. But this evening, we had a veritable DELUGE! Not so much wind... but REALLY HEAVY RAIN! (Oddly... no outage.) And tomorrow night? 8° again! Tomorrow's “high”? 18! Today's high must have been well over 30! But I'm not whining... at least we got rain! (And I got the orange tree out in it for a couple of hours... YAY!) - I NEED to get rolling... I NEED to shower tonight! But after last evening's “no water”... I'm thinking the usual 22.00 might be best... if not... MORE FUCKING FUEL for my miserable attitude toward this shit-box. Alas... and to think... I took evening pills AT 20.00!!! So much for “early to bed”. Oh... just fukkit! - At least my BESTIE SOUL-MATE is OK!! AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS AT ALL IN CREATION! - 22.37

Tue.22.Jun: 8.15 ”The Fucking Land-lord” is here! I was sitting on the front porch, trying to enjoy the second half of this morning's smoke (having gotten out of bed at about 7.00! and done with “morning routine” by 8.00) and along it rolled, into Simonds Hill with a wave. Next thing, it's driving OUT of the drive by the pee-oh and stops in front. “This is Frank. He'll be painting with me today.” FUCK YOU! Thanks. (No, I only thought it.) And now, they're in the flat and the truck is in the drive and the morning rolls on (and I've a load of “whites” in the basin on the soak... again... FUCK YOU THANKS). BUT I DID mange a night of sleep, late as it was, lights out at mid-night, one loo trip and this morning, cut both alarms and woke, as I say, at about 7.00, wanting SO much, to stay in bed another hour or... (Good thing I didn't... and here I sit thinking “God works in mysterious ways”. To think I was up and sitting on the porch as “the fucking land-lord” arrived. Well... wonders never do cease.) - And Yonah? Well... I'll get that in HER journal this morning and as for the rest of the day... seems grey so... there we have it. - 16.51 I have passed the entire... ENTIRE day with Yonah, at the work-table, typing her Journal for the month of December 2020... and have left-off on the 22nd and I'm not THRILLED about the progress but it IS coming along! - AND all the while, the “fucking land-lord” and “Frank” have been over there painting, thankfully, quietly (thus far). He hasn't said a word to me, nor has he taken a moment to come to the door to ask/check/see how things are in here! WHAT a COMPLETE fuktard-shit-bag! (Especially since I cooked eggs on the hob today and am heating tonight's meal in the toaster oven and he's been aware that the stove no longer work and obviously doesn't give a shit... but I'm saying NOTHING on the matter.) AND THE RENT CHEQUE FOR JUNE IS STILL OUT-STANDING AND I CONSIDERED ASKING ABOUT IT BUT HAVE RE-CONSIDERED AND IF HE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO CASH IT, FUCK HIM! I'M READY FOR HIS GAMES... WHICH I ANTICIPATE AND EXPECT! SURELY, IF HE DIDN'T RECEIVE IT, HE'D HAVE SAID SOMETHING BY NOW SO... NO MY PROBLEM! WANK-SOCK! - I'm feeling exceptionally tired... hopefully food will change that and it's 16.57.... time for today's “meal”... more to follow... - 20.35 “He's On The Beach” is playing... and in my mind, I'm standing on the platform in Rockaway... “so far away”.... But this journal is FINALLY on the server(s)... Almost the entire month, at one shot! And I noticed that I never made any pages on the WP after this... I remember “Why” too. - Well, “fucking land-lord” left at about 18.00 or so, I was on the front porch, having “after meal” smoke when it and it's “Frank” rolled by. “Toot” on the horn, wave, wave... gone. Fuktard. Well, the rent for July just went into the “blue box” at the pee-oh. I'd sealed the envelope, sadly, because I would have put a note in it... “Please let me know whether or not you received June's rent”. But as I think about it, if it wasn't, tough shit. (It might just be still sitting in the out-going box at the pee-oh... Nothing was said so... fukkit... fukkem... fukkemall.) - And Yonah's Journal is on the server... October, November and most of December, half of June 2021. I've worked on it ALL DAY again. Well, it was a damp and cloudy, chilly day so... we spent it together... she snoozing with me and even going to the kitchen earlier when I put the kettle on. Right now, she's on her night-perch, waters changed, she's eaten. And the room is getting dark already. Time to “tuck in”... indeed... for BOTH of us. But I'll have my Brit and tart and head off. Lord only knows what bull-shit is to come tomorrow. - I see they painted all the walls over there in white. How charming. How considerate. How fukkit! Luckily, there wasn't much noise, save once when something fell or got dropped. And no fumes... THAT was my GREATEST concern! I don't know how they did it but... NO FUMES! And I'd closed the back doors, one of Yonah's windows. Meanwhile... Front window and door open and the box fan blowing from the kitchen into the room and out of the open window. We were in the room, together, all day... no fumes. Let's see if that continues. Mean-time, there's shit about the bed-room and living-room over there so they'll (sadly) be back. - This morning, by chance, I went to open the cellar door and bumped into Dan and Jeff on the Hill. We chatted. Nancy drove by to say that Jack's doing well and to tell that the ordeal has cost her almost 4k$! (And the fool doesn't know who hit Jack so she can't sue... idiot. None of my business. Must be nice to have all that expendable cash.) Anyway, the chats were nice but I really must curb them with these folks. At least I didn't have any regrettable chats with “fucking land-lord” or with the shit-bag next door (who did, for a moment, show up to prattle about Pattie having had an accident on Sunday... totalled her car just up at the bed where the embanquement drops into the river... oh well...) - Now... I really must tuck Yonah in and get about getting to bed. (as “Everyone's Gone To The Moon” plays... and I remember that nightmare of getting off the school bus, in Stewart Heights and walking up to the house... empty... we'd been bombed... by the Russians, and I had no idea where anybody was... every house was empty... I was along... and in the back-ground... “Everyone's Gone To The Moon”. I truly MUST have that PTSD... oh well... when I die, it dies too... “There is no Hell. THIS is Hell. After this there's only peace.”) - 22.57 ANOTHER late one! Oh well... Brush teeth... off to bed.

Wed.23.Jun: 9.33 And Yonah is in the corner, again, by the avocado. And she won't come with or to me. She's a touch “fluffed” this morning too. Granted, there's a chill, in the air, in the house, in the brilliant sun. But now I'm worried... as I will tend to be. I don't like this... I just don't like this. I DON'T! - And “fucking land-lord” rolled in shortly after 8.00 and is over there with somebody, again this morning. It's rent cheque for July is in the blue box at the pee-oh as of last evening. I can't give a shit. - And Pattie was at the door, as I was on the carsie... needing a lift into town. I just don't like the idea of giving lifts... I just don't trust her. (And she's part of the little “rumour circuit” around here... claiming that Mr. Mayor has some sort of “pending accusations of child molestation” against him. And the “particulars” of her “accident” are that she was dodging some-body coming South-bound on the main. And she says she's just received some sort of “stimulus” income and will have to spend it all on a new vehicle... her son or grand-son came by, he says he's walking into town. I, of course, made a point of making the point about walking into town through last Winter. I'm becoming “them” these days: I walked SO many miles, especially in the early years in VT... I can't have any sympathy any more. - And now... the morning rolls, still bright with sun-shine but still a touch chilled. The room registers as 20°, outside is about the same, but there's a “chill”. And I'm getting tired. - Last night, I did brush my teeth, said “Good night” to Yonah, got into bed and put the light out. One loo trip and didn't get out of bed until almost 7.00. There. Another day. And I'm WORRIED about Yonah! Hopefully she'll come over as I work on her Journal... PLEASE? - (Oh... and there's “light” thumping from next door. But THAT shit-bag... the rent for June is STILL out-standing! I'm rather quite miffed about that but... None of my business.) - 19.07 WHAT A DAY! WHAT A DAY! - First of all... the “Adventures of Yohah Taube” for today have been documented on HER Journal, INCLUDING HER BATH! YES! SHE USED THE BATH TODAY!!! WOOHOO! - And, first thing this morning, “FL” (I'll use that in place of “Fucking Land-lord” from now on... a title he well-deserves... the shit-sack) pulled-in with his side-kick and they went to work next door. In fact, I notice... white wall and a fresh, new medicine cabinet. Me? I got a “White Trash White-wash”. And then, I cook on a 2-burner hob because I can't get a stove that works properly! OH... and where there was only one window with a crack in it that never got attended when Julius was there... ALL THE WINDOWS in that living-room are now replaced... WITH NEW! Maybe I should go to HUD and see about a new stove, a new face basin in the loo, perhaps a better shower? The rent he collects might be higher, but it'll COST him... DEARLY. Something to consider and look into... I should think. We'll see... I've some “chatting” to do with Rita when she gets settled... AND THAT HAD BETTER BE PEACEFUL OR... THERE'S GOING TO BE FIRE IN NEW RUSSIA, TO BE SURE! (I'm in such a SOUR mood over all of this... I really am.) - Moving along, there was a period of the very lightest trace of paint fumes in the house this morning and I was concerned about Yonah. Thankfully, that didn't last for too long and they weren't “heavy”. - I took a “snooze” for about an hour. Sadly, Yonah didn't join me. She was “odd” most of the morning, quiet and a touch on the “fluff”. Thankfully, that passed. - And I got her December Journal done today and posted to the server. (I have to go through links now, pretty much on all the pages... not to mention a SHIT-LOAD OF PHOTOS that have to be edited and posted and coded. But, there's time... I hope.) - And the morning's chill finally... FINALLY warmed... late this after-noon! Tonight's supposed to be another chilly one so... radiator at the ready. - As I type this, at the work table in Yonah's room (19.16), “FL” returned a little while ago and has been at the “Pedo's” house (if there's any truth to that rumour that Pattie was “kind enough” to “share” this morning. I find it interesting (to a point) that he avoids me! OH... and July's rent cheque should have gone out with today's post... JUNE'S IS STILL OUT-STANDING! I'm wondering what kind of fucking games are going on here... I've NO doubt that shit-bag next door said something to FL about me looking for another place. But still... that has NO bearing on my rent payments. I'm going to start grabbing statements showing when rent cheques are presented and especially for THIS month... just in case it manages to get into a court of law. After all... if that New England White Trash shit WANTS me out... there's a “notice” that has to be given... and I believe the minimum is 2 weeks... although now, with courts still rather closed... he's in a shitty creek, in waders, and the shit's rising. As I say, I'm actually in a rather foul mood. - Oh... I don't think I mentioned... In the chat with Pattie this morning, we got talking about different people locally. It started with those who'd give her a lift into town when she needs and when we got to Alvin... she can't stand him, though she just thinks he's pompous and arrogant. THEN she tells me that she's heard that he has CHARGES OUTSTANDING AGAINST HIM... FOR SEXUALLY MOLESTING CHILDREN... SOME YEARS BACK! Well... he WAS an elementary school teacher. I don't necessarily believe the rumour, but I don't necessarily doubt it either. - 20.58 Managed to get a “chat” in with FL a few moments ago. Rita will be here tomorrow... and they'll meet. I have to wash the bed linens! And I don't want to hang them whilst there's work going on around here! Fucking shit-bag, that FL. ANYWAY... I “inquired” as to receipt of rent and he said “Hasn't it been paid?” meaning posted/cleared at the banque. HE'S CLUELESS. As he said “I do the painting and maintaining. I'm not concerned with the money. Maybe I should be, but I'll ask Sharon and get back to you. We have 'stragglers' and she likes to handle it all at once. And I told her, 'Don't wait, when you get Jude's rent, put it in the banque.” Yeah? Well... fukkit, really. But if the money goes missing from my account because of some shit-bag hacker or something, HEY... NO MY PROGLENG. Fukyoo. - Meanwhile, Yonah is tucked in, I have my 2nd hot water. Will have my “tarts”, a Brit and a shower and off to bed. - Oh... Avery should be here tomorrow (or soon). Oh fucking JOY! A bill! Oh well... NO MY PROGLENG. - This day is a wrap. Fuck. - (But it's been GLORIOUS again... ANOTHER DAY WITH “BIBINESS”!!! NOTHING CAN TOP THAT! - 22.27 OK I can't do 21.00 to bed. Oh well... But a shower it is tonight. - OH... AND THERE'S ANOTHER MOUSE IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT! FIGURES... WITH ALL THE WORK GOING ON NEXT DOOR. THIS PLACE IS BEGINNING TO RESEMBLE THE CITY... I WONDER WHEN THE ROACHES WILL SHOW UP... AH... RITA MIGHT BRING THEM WITH HER... FUCK! - End of day.

Thu.24.Jun:***** ***** ***** ***** ***** YONAH IS A *** HE *** !!! ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
(RE-CERT: FS: On-line TODAY) 9.35 “National Feet”... and here we sit... trapped because of human ignorance. - Meanwhile, FL has returned and it banging about on the back gallery and I'm with Yonah. The sun is shining, the breeze is beautiful, a perfect day for hanging wash... fucking shit. - And I rather almost slept-in until almost 7.00 this morning and in changing the waters in Yonah's house, the tubing kept slipping and I made a bit of a “puddle”. Oddly... I just don't care. Sopped it up and all's “fine”. Oddly... I just don't care. The world goes on... and I just don't care. - And now? On to Journals! I've done all the “on-line”, coffee at hand. Music on the radio. The morons of the pee-oh are on their merry what-evers. Fukkit. Fukkitall. - Happy day... fuck. - 15.44 FL and Chum just rolled out of the drive. Rita (or somebody) was here and there were folks on the back gallery, chatting away. But what I find so interesting is how much and well I'm OBVIOUSLY being avoided! No mention of the rent cheque. And the shit-bag doesn't come in to say “How are things in the apartment?” NOT that he hasn't been TOLD about the stove and such... and of course, I wont' mention the mouse in the kitchen last night... I'll TELL Rita about it... and her daughter. I just find it SO disrespectful... BUT... at the same time... SO TELLING! AH... Should I EVER find a better place, I'll have NO qualms or hesitation about holding what-ever funds I need to make the move! And should ANYTHING be said or done about it? Well... sure as Hell will beat the expense I COULD rack-up for him... running through courts... which, well... I'm already considering anyway. (I'm even pondering applying to “HUD”... and having THEM come in... seeing the stove, fridge, face basin and shower in the loo... JUST for the HELL of it! We'll see... we SHALL see, indeed... indeed we shall. Maybe Rita moving here is... never mind... I'll use this to my advantage now... “Fucking Land-lord”... indeed, to be sure.) - OK. I need to “shed” this shit and move along. I've got MUCH better things to attend... like 5 months of Journalling for Yonah... who's back on the shelf again as I type... -
20.57 !!! AND “FUCKING LAND-LORD” IS OVER THERE, SLAPPPING THE FUCKING SCREEN DOOR AND PLODDING UP AND DOWN THE BACK STEPS! FUCKING 21.00??? WHAT? I HAVE TO WONDER IF THIS IS GOING TO GO ON UNTIL 23.00!!! SOMEBODY CAME TODAY, AND MOVED PLANTS INTO THE PLACE... I HAVE WASHING TO DO TOMORROW (THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE TODAY) AND THIS RETARD IS FUCKING ABOUT AT THIS HOUR OF THE NIGHT! I'LL BET THIS SHIT DIDN'T HAPPEN WHEN “DEAR JOAN” WAS IN RESIDENCE! ALL THE MORE REASON AND CAUSE THE GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! BUT... CAREFULLY! NO MORE OF THIS SHIT! FUCKING IN-BRED “NEW ENGLANDER”! NOT TO MENTION, IT MADE CHANGING THE WATERS FOR YONAH ALL THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT SINCE I DIDN'T DARE RUN THE TAP AS I USUALLY DO! SO... AS I SAY... HAVE SAID... WHEN THE TIME COMES TO RE-LOCATE... I WON'T BE WORRYING ABOUT “RENT”... TO BE SURE! - ADDENDUM... 21.08 AND NOW THE SHIT-BAG WHINE-FUCK FROM NEXT DOOR IS OUT THERE AND BOTH OF THEM ARE SHIT-CHATTING! JEEZUS TO FUCKING HELL! DISRESPECTFUL SHITS! WELL? MY TURN TO COME... TO BE SURE! - 21.14 I HEAR THE MORONS IN THE DRIVE DISCUSSING “PROPANE”... FL TOOK THE TANK OUT OF THE GARAGE TODAY... I'VE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S GOING TO DO WITH IT BUT I CAN'T HEAR THE WORDS, BUT I CAN SURELY IMAGINE WHAT THAT SHIT-SACK FROM NEXT DOOR IS TELLING FL ABOUT IT... AND ME... AND HOW IT CAME TO BE IN THE GARAGE. WELL? THE STORY BETTER BE SPOT-ON OR... PROPANE OR NOT... THERE'S GOING TO BE ONE FUCKING HELL OF AN INFERNO (THE SHIT-SACK IS BANGING ON THE FUCKING TANK! THEY TRULY ARE RETARDED!!! THE BOTH OF THEM!!!) YOU KNOW? IF FL TAKES THE TANK, I'M ACTUALLY AT A POINT WHERE I HOPE THE FUCKING THING EXPLODES! ON THE BERK. SPUR!

MEANWHILE... WHAT A DAY OTHER-WISE! AS HAS BEEN RECORDED ON *** HIS *** JOURNAL... I'VE DISCOVERED THAT YONAH IS A *** HE ***!!! I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THAT HE'S GROWN OLDER OR THAT THE GOOD FOOD HAS MADE HIM HEALTHIER, BUT THE *** BLUE *** ON HIS HEAD SHOWS MORE, AND THERE'S THAT IRIDESCENCE ON HIS NECK, AND I SWEAR I DETECTED THE SLIGHTEST TINT OF “BLUSH” ON HIS CHEST TODAY. I'D HAVE TO MUST SAY... *** HE'S *** A LITTLE *** GUY ***!!! I don't feel too awful about any possible error because, even the sites where doves are being sold (that makes me sick to think) put “disclaimers” that they can't “guarantee” the sex. And there's much written about it being difficult AND often, even “professionals” have made mistakes. So... I've got my work cut out for me now!!! ALL the “she” references on HIS site have to be changed... except in the Journal... I'll leave that the way it is and include today's discovery. BUT WHAT A REVELATION! - AND... TODAY, I WORKED IN *HIS* ROOM WITH HIM ALL DAY AND WHEN IT CAME TIME TO PREP “MEAL”, I PUT MY SHOULDER INTO HIS HOUSE AND PATTED ON IT... HE BOUNCED ON AND GOT COMFY THERE AS I WENT TO THE KITCHEN TO PREP EVERYTHING, AND WE WENT TO THE LIVING-ROOM AND BACK TO THE KITCHEN AND IT WASN'T UNTIL I WENT BACK INTO HIS ROOM TO GET THE LAP-TOP THAT HE FLEW UP TO HIS VANTAGE POINT! - AND, TALK ABOUT “AFFECTIONATE”!!! IT'S BEEN ANOTHER TRULY “LOVING DAY”!!!

All this beauty of Yonah on a day when the pain in my right shoulder blade, down the side, has been quite, well, there and obvious all the while. This evening, I got the contact info for that “Avian Rescue” place in E. Greenbush. Yes, Nancy said she'd take Yonah if anything happened to me, but, I want to keep a good back-up. I'll give them a call and see if, first of all, I can “register” Yonah for “in case of need” and if so, to make an appointment to go SEE the place. They “appear” to be wonderful, on-line, but we (I) know better. I just HAVE to make certain that he's cared for, about and LOVED... He isn't “wild” anymore... he's my Heart, Soul, Every Breath and Heart-beat now... And he's tucked-away for the night... even as the fuck-fest takes place in the drive... (I'll be closing the back door again... quite shortly.) Thankfully, it's gone dark out there. My thoughts of “road accidents” are... not to be mentioned. - I have my 2nd hot water at hand... time for a Brit and bed! I'm RIP-PISSED tonight and this is ... TO THINK I PAID THE RENT FOR JULY! WOW! Talk about regrets! - 22.22 Just “saging” the house to get rid of... well... a thought came to mind as I began to light the sage...
Considering how I've been avoided the past few days... AND that my rent cheque for June hasn't been cashed...
I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST THAT SHIT-BAG TO TRY TO GET ME OUT OF HERE ON 2 COUNTS:
HIGHER RENT FROM HUD AND...
BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A FUKTARD ABOUT THIS “COVID”... GETTING ME OUT BECAUSE I WON'T ACCEPT THE SO-CALLED “VACCINE”!!!
I ANTICIPATE BULL-SHIT COMING
AND I WONDER HOW MUCH THOSE MORONS AT THE “ABATTOIR” HAVE SPREAD ABOUT MY CONDITION.
My instincts... I wonder. - Well, Brit is done and so too, am I. And another 4 tarts tonight... I HAVE to stop this. But tomorrow, I'll work them off. - My bowels are “off” tonight now too. Had a small BM this morning but have been “having to go” all day. I wonder. - OH... and today's vit.C... 10 grams... just to give the old system a jolt (and what-ever might be in the lungs, another “surprise attack”. - What-ever comes... now I MUST make sure Yonah is well cared-for. Tomorrow... the call. And a new “hope” that all will go well. (I'll budget a contribution to the “Rescue”... IF they're legit. 5 or 10/month until...) - 23.06 late again... tired as Hell and mostly because of bull-shit. Oh well... no shower... off to bed... hopefully clean sheets... tomorrow night. Fuck.

Fri.25.Jun:(* FUCKING RENT CHEQUE FOR JUNE IS FINALLY FUCKING PAID!!!) 7.48 Must begin with a “Morning Report”, mostly to get it off my mind. “Concern” this morning. I woke, sometime after 6.00, close to 6.30, which was later than I'd have liked, but I don't recall even hearing the 5.00 and 6.00 alarms. But woke before the 6.30 alarm. As I woke, I felt perfectly well and fine, and last night, only one loo-trip at about, as I recall, 2.12 (because of the hour and the area code). Other-wise, slept through. But, on getting up, the PAIN in the right shoulder, the right arm, the right side... PAIN, deep and sharp. “Muscle sprain”? Well, I doubt it. But I forced myself up and out of bed, and, since Yonah was already up and awake (“morning COO”), I got to the usual routine of coffee, opening his curtains, and setting things up for water-changes in pool and for drinking. I've been rolling a long since and even have the bed linens on the line, nicely washed and hoping they'll dry quickly, in today's “some-what cloudy” skies, though there's quite a breeze blowing so there's a “chance” I'll be making the bed by “lunch”... I can hope... I'm tired of “hoping”, I want to “know”, especially this morning. Anyway, I'm “concerned” this morning. The “sputum” being hacked isn't “off colour”, and the consistency isn't anything out of what's “normal” in a morning. I've no congestion, no “rumbling” or gurgling. No particular “difficulty” breathing, to be sure. But the PAIN, in the right shoulder-blade, and down the right arm... though it hasn't stopped me from getting chores done, IS rather slowing me down a touch. Not a lot, not much, but some-what. This morning's washing would have been much easier with-out it. And my head is “light” again, as if yes, I'm breathing, unobstructed, but some-how, there's just not “enough” air or oxygen being taken-in. The usual morning coughs are, what I'll call “nicely productive”, bringing up what-ever is “in there”, and in the usual quantities. Nothing out of the ordinary. But, there's the pain... and I can't really tell if it's in the “muscle” or some-where deeper. So, yes... this morning I AM “concerned” about what's going on in this old body. - I have the contact information at hand for the “Avian Rescue” in East Greenbush, and I'm mentally working on how best to start “contributing” to them. AND, how best to get down there to check the place out, in the hopes that they're legitimate, proper, and truly as “caring” and “compassionate” as they claim. I don't see a “choice” in the matter any longer... I MUST, I suppose for my own selfish reasons, FIND A PLACE THAT WILL TAKE YONAH, AND FIND HIM A “HOME” WHERE HE'LL BE RESPECTED, LOVED AND CHERISHED, PROPERLY CARED-FOR AND ABOUT, WHERE I NEEDN'T “MOURN” AND, ABOVE AND BEYOND *ALL* ELSE, *HE* WON'T *EVER* NEED MOURN!!! THIS IS A DIFFICULT MORNING... - And yes, I *AM* ... *** ANGRY *** FAR BEYOND DESCRIPTIVE! Of ALL the times in my existence, NOW... this shit has to take hold! AND HERE, where I have NO confidence in the local facilities to address what I believe to be the cause of my “difficulties”. I'd go to NorthWest Medical, because, quite frankly, I have to admit that I trust them (especially since I don't see them affiliated with that quack-house, UVM and they were MOST kind when I was there), but it takes almost 2 hours to get there, it's almost 100 miles each way just for travel. 4 hours of just travelling! THEN, there's the 2, 3, 4 or more hours of being there as they “run tests” and the likes. 12 hours out of the day... and all the while, Yonah being left alone! And should any sort of “immediate” or “semi-immediate” “treatment” be necessary, even “precautionary” or “palliative”... MORE time away from Yonah... possibly DAYS! NO! I won't do that... CAN'T do that. The very thought of being in some nut-house, abattoir, “hospital”, trapped and confined whilst Yonah is alone... It's too much Hell to even ponder. Yes, I can “see” that, a few days away now, to have this “attended” to, be it surgery or other-wise, COULD, potentially mean more time with Yonah in future. And so I need to weigh this all out with that in mind. But what I NEED, truly NEED right now is a way to know that IF I should choose immediate address of this AND it should require time and travel, I NEED to know that NO HARM, OF ANY SORT, OR ANY INCONVENIENCE, ANY DISRUPTION, ANY CAUSE OF ANY SORT OF TRAUMA, NO MATTER HOW MUCH OR LITTLE, WILL INTERFERE WITH WHAT YONAH HAS COME TO KNOW AND EXPECT: ABSOLUTE CARE, CONCERN, CONSIDERATION, LOVE. (And I'm ANGRY... because, honestly, I just don't trust ANYBODY now. Sure, Nancy... but she's proven to be a bit “off” from time-to-time when it comes to reliability. Even if I were to give her the keys to this place, I don't know... KNOW that she'd make sure Yonah's pool and drinking water were clean always, that her food would be fresh and available. And then there's the rest of this shit-box town. I don't trust the rest of them... and now, especially, the “FL”!!! AND, that old shit next door! Coming and going on whim. I wouldn't put it past ANY of the lot to simply “toss” Yonah out the door in my absence and come up with some sad-assed lie! Well... there's my “concern” of the morning... Yonah's up, and on the shelf in his room... I'm off and into the day to come...
8.40 Bed linens are on the line, sleep-wear is on the rack. The day grows warm and the breezes continue. Let's just hope NOTHING comes along to fuck this up. - I'm going to compose a “letter”, an e-mail, to “NEAR” this morning, to send, as “precautionary”... and thankfully, I can include a link to Yonah's web-site! ALL the “particulars” of his care and LOVE are there. How wonderful is that? - One thing I'll note: I'm able to “wring sheets”, so that's a “good point” on the day. - But right now, I need to attend to... web-site and e-mail! Busy day ahead. - (I was considering mowing too... “considering”, but other people's business is NOT MY business and with the disregard I've received... other people can rot!) - 21.36 Well... Yonah's “June” page is on the server and up to today! And the house is WARM... His window is open a bit for the night because the low is expected to be 16°. And I'm REALLY tired! - But I did manage to get to FamDoll for smokes and I have to make them last for at least 10 days now! Anyway, Rylan was SO curious about Yonah's site that he pulled it up on his phone! Bubba defended me when the new gal commented about how obsessive I am about Yonah. (I'll just say: it's on Yonah's Journal now.) - And HE was quite the quite the today... Loving little one.... I'll have to add tomorrow though. I've up-loaded his Journal pages to the server and right now... I need to start getting ready for bed. - Oh but, the bed linens are clean tonight as are the “sleepie scrubs”. Clean bed-time tonight!!! At last!!! (I still have to make the damned bed though, and get to the shower. - One item: Yonah has a new perch at his door. I dug-out the “hooks” that came with the heavier shelving and cut-to-length, hand-cut with Xacto and knife, a slit in the ends, pounded the hooks in and now, Yonah can come to the door with-out having to try to balance on the thing bar/wire of his house! -
THE BLOODY-FUCKING RENT CHEQUE FOR *** JUNE ***, POSTED ON THE BLOODY-FUCKING 26TH OF BLOODY-FUCKING MAY FINALLY CLEARED TODAY! BUT... BLOODY-FUCKING JULY'S RENT CHEQUE, POSTED ON THE BLOODY-FUCKING 23 JUNE IS STILL BLOODY-FUCKING OUT-BLOODY-FUCKING-STANDING! I WONDER WHERE THE BLOODY-FUCKING THAT ONE WENT! I'M SO BLOODY-FUCKING FED-THE-BLOODY-FUCKING-UP WITH THIS BLOODY-BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!
23.24 YONAH'S SITE IS UP-DATED TONIGHT, WITH THE *** LIVE *** “JOURNAL” PAGES! LINKS CHECKED AND WORKING - THE BED IS MADE AND I'M FINALLY OFF TO THE SHOWER! - Tomorrow's going to be a tad “difficult” because I expect I'll be a tad exhausted, going to bed this late. And I WANT to WASH Yonah's pool and clean the “green” from the fountain tubing AND get on with his journal!-
Oh and a note: MEDIC ALERT as it were: I'm changing the vit.C again... 3,2,2,3... back up to 10G/day because of the pain in the shoulder. I've done it for 2 days now and the pain is REALLY diminished so, I'll give the 10 a try for a while and perhaps, eventually, maybe August, I'll go back to 8g/day. No, I can't be sure what caused the pain, but right now, I have Yonah in my life... and I OWE HIM as much time together as we can have!

Sat.26.Jun: 12.15 Out of bed, reluctantly, at almost 8.00 (probably 7.45-ish) and... ON THE ROLL!!! Kettle, coffee, feed the birds out back and...
RIGHT INTO YONAH'S HOUSE TO CLEAN... SCOURED THE POOL, RAN VINEGAR AND BAKING SODA THROUGH THE “FOUNTAIN” TUBING, COMPLETE CHANGE OF KITCHEN ROLL, TOOK THE BOTTOM TRAY OUT AND CLEANED THAT, FIXED/REPLACED THE “PERCH” THAT RUNS FROM UNDER HER LITTLE CORNER PLATFORM OUT OF THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE SO SHE CAN “SUPERVISE” ME WHEN I'M AT THE WORK TABLE... AND, EVEN AT THE MOMENT, HER OAK TREE IS OUT IN THE BACK, WAITING FOR THE SUPPOSED RAINS TO COME. (The leaves that were at the “front” of the house appear to be browning and dry. I'm not sure if it's because of the radiator being under it or there's some kind of “bug”, but I'm taking NO chances! It got a “tepid” shower in the loo for a while, this morning and I'm hoping for some “brutal” rains to come today to “pound” what-ever is wrong out of it. Other-wise... it's gone... sadly. I NEED to find a little maple anyway but... not today, Josephine.) AND, ALL THE WHILE, YONAH WAS “SUPERVISING” MY EVERY MOVE, AND ALMOST “DEMANDING” A “CUDDLE”! HE'S NEVER BORING AND ALWAYS, CONSTANTLY, IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, JUST THE LIFE OF A DAY... EVEN IN A SECOND OF TIME, THE LIFE OF AN ENTIRE DAY! - And now, I'm JUST getting to power-up the lap-top. I didn't even bother with THAT all morning! “Work”? NO! I'm calling it “Happy House-Keeping” because I can now rest, knowing that the water, the dish, the tubing and the pump for the “pool” are all clean, as are the tray and kitchen roll... AND the moss, AND the sand. All's “clean” today... “Happy Summer”. -
My “health report” du matin/jour: that sharp pain that I had in the right side during the week... gone... it's moved to the LEFT side today. Though today, it's more “muscle” pain and quite specific to the breast. And after a scouring shower last night, and making the bed, and getting in a bit of reading, lights were out at about 0.45 this morning and one loo trip, brief, at about 3.50, as I recall. But other-wise... I slept, and I believe, rather well. But I'm ALWAYS tired... moments after waking and often through the day. So I'm coming to accept this as “This is as it will be from no until... World with-out end, amen.” - And I had a brief but rather almost sickening dreamlette:
I was sharing a small, one casement window, basement room, UN-finished (much rather like CTN), concrete walls, flaking, no finished ceiling. Furnishings were a very old, quite abused old-fashioned desk/table along the back wall and a sadly-beaten old couch. There was one light, ceiling, exposed bulb in the middle of the room, with one quite bright bulb shining to give the room a “suffocating” sort of illumination. And it was obviously damp because the room “felt humid” and the air was almost “heavy”. With whom I was “sharing” was ambiguous; a stranger and Joe, as it were. He was staying and I was soon to move along, either because of my own choosing or because of being tossed. Again, the ambiguity of dreams. Up along the top of the wall was what could only be described as an “infestation” of spiders... spiders of all sizes and kinds, and they were all actively making webs! Removing them was futile because they were producing, non-stop, and rather quickly. One spider had made a sort of “funnel/drapery” web that detached from the “ceiling/corner” and it floated across the room, barely missing me because the room was so small that I had all to do, with contortions, to dodge it as it drifted past my face! IN the web was a spider about the size of the mid-palm of my hand... quite large, and as the web drifted, the spider continued building the web. My attitude toward it all was that I thought it best to let the spiders make the webs because the webs were “catching the dust in the air in the room and any particles of anything else that might be floating about”. I wasn't “comfortable” with or about any of it but I just let the webs be built, the spiders, to have their way. JUST as the “floating” web seemed to be approaching my face... I woke.
“Spiders”? “Webs”? Cellar room? I wonder what's in my unconscious mind these days. Oh well...
And so, it's been cloudy and humid all morning but thankfully the air is moving. Even MORE thankfully, the pee-oh is finally closed! Me? Aside from the JOY of this morning's tasks, I'm in a “foul” mood against everything out-side my door... much of which is because of Tuesday, when Rita moves in and my anxieties of what it's going to be here, once she's in. AND, the fact that the rent cheque for this month cleared only yesterday. Oh well... - I need a “snooze'. It's 12.41... my “breast” hurts. My sinuses are... “present” (humidity). And Yonah is in her room, fluttering about. A 20-minute... after I put the trees out back... the rains appear to be coming! YAY! - 20.48 24° now going down to... 20°! AND nights, through the week, lowest... 19°! No rain “'til Tuesday” (as it were). There's a breeze blowing through the house. Sadly, it smells of paint. Once upon a time I wouldn't have minded but with Yonah in the house, well... Hopefully that will all dissipate soon... and hopefully Ms. Rita won't be a “freshener freak”! (I'm quite nervous... anxious... about all this, to be sure.) AND, SADLY, I've gotten almost NOTHING done with the WHOLE day today, save the “Happy House-Keeping” for Yonah who, tonight, doesn't have his oak tree. I “clipped” the “strange” leaves off and am leaving it out for the night... in the wind. And the avocado is now in the living-room. He seems to have “red” or “dark pink” along his beak, close to his face. It's probably been there and I never noticed. But tonight, I'm also noticing the length of his beak... compared to photos on-line, his “hooks”, it's so long! So I'm searching for “mineral blocks” and such that he can chew on, since cuttlebone is OUT of the question! AND, there are SO many sort of “diseases”, “ailments”, and “protozoae”, things that make doves ill or KILL! So I've also looked into vits. A, D and calcium, which are HIGH on the list of importance. Come to find out... the A and D are in cod liver oil (more of that to be put on the menu now). Calcium and A... BROCCOLI! (I just have to find the good stuff... probably the “organic” from now on, though I wish I could buy from some-where other than the market.) And the egg yolk? Vit.D!!! So this is GOOD NEWS! Now, I'll be working on a serious menu for him... weekly! - In other news, there is no news and I'm glad for it. - Yonah has been SO affectionate again today. In fact, I made a “tsk” sort of “kissing” sound as I was talking with him and he came RUNNING... HE WANTS KISSES, AND TO BE STROKED AND EVEN “HANDLED”!!! AND HE RODE ON MY BACK AGAIN THIS EVENING, INTO THE KITCHEN... and then took off to the living-room where he tried to get into his old cage, on the shelving, by the front window and well... Thankfully, no blood, no injuries, no “boo-boos”. - Tomorrow's expected to be a torture with heat. - Now, we're “tucked-in” for the night and I'm going to catch a Brit and a shower and bed. - Oh... I happened to look-up foods for pts. with CA-Lung... seems the only thing I'm not doing “properly” is eating often enough. But other than carrots... high protein (chicken) and calories (just about everything else) and SUN is GOOD... makes vit.D and that's supposed to help ward-off and such. So... being back up to 10g/day with the C... let's see how long Yonah and I will have together. (He goes... I'm gone.) - 22.37 Two portions of ice cream on tarts tonight. I'll be (I am) sorry. - And it's quite warm but the air is moving. - Done with Brits. Time for bed! - No bloody water pressure... AT THIS HOUR!

Sun.27.Jun: 11.14 It's 27/28°, 65% humidity, going up to 32° and I'm WASTED already! BUT... got out of bed with the 7.00 alarm (6.53 on one clock... lord only knows what the “actual” time was with all these clocks being different in this house... “Time Zones”.... in each room!) and bounced into the routine, though I would have liked to have stayed in bed... for a couple of days longer. Last night, before lights out, after a nice shower and some reading, one last thought was:
The truth, the fact, the actuality of my existence now is that, if Yonah hadn't come into my house, life, existence, I would have just stayed in bed one day, over the Winter-passed and “waited for god”, as it were. I have NO desire to “BE”, save for the LOVE, the companionship of Yonah. And how horrid it is, now, to wake every morning, with-out fail, and as I go about what's become my “normal morning routine” the thought: I could drop dead or into a debilitating condition or state at any given moment... waking, each and every day with the thought of “demise”. How “charming”... Fuck. - BUT... as of this moment, I'm just back from a RUN through the market, Perry's on sale, coffee going off sale, veggies including BROCCOLI and eggs... for Yonah, primarily, forget the vinegar but that's not “urgent” and it gives me cause to get back to get more Perry's soon. I still have to make fresh “nectar” for the hummies. But, as I rolled in from market, I dropped the tote at the door, parked the truck, came in, put the groceries up, gave Yonah YUGE KISSES (“mandatory”), went to the back to the raised-bed next door and pulled 2 tiny maple trees... potted them in soil from the old garden in the back, watered with river water and now they're in the living-room to “settle” (or what-ever). Another tree for Yonah! Done, sitting at kitchen table typing and feeling like SHIT, mostly because of heat and humidity. BUT... Yonah is looking good (and back to his place on the shelf... I don't know what the attraction is over there) and I'm about to get ready for mid-day pills and spending the rest of the day with Yonah... working on his Journal! That's “life in a northern town”. And I'm not complaining. (At least I made it to and from the market today... quite the accomplishment... how fucking sad.) - 13.38 YONAH IS EATING! It's been ALL DAY and I can see that his food hasn't been touched ALL DAY, BUT I'VE JUST COME INTO HIS ROOM TO WORK ON HIS JOURNAL AND NOW HE'S EATING! THIS does my heart SO MUCH GOOD! BUT... I'm seeing a “pattern” here: If I don't spend time with him, he doesn't eat! NOT GOOD! BUT, I certainly don't mind making sure that I make the time to sit with him of a morning, from now on, to make sure he eats. Precious, precious, MOST PRECIOUS LOVE! - Now... on to “January 2021” in his Journal... in this HOT, HUMID, SUNNY after-noon!!! as we listen to the play-list “ADK”... - 21.22 IT'S MISERABLY HOT TONIGHT! - I passed the entire day, other than a run to market, working on Yonah's “January Journal page”. Just finished the 9th some moments ago. - He, mean-while, had a splash in the pool today and, as has been noted on his June Journal page already, SOAKED his little belly! But he spent most of the day in his house and not a-top. Not too bad though, since any breeze that came into the window would pass over him in the house. - I put out a request on the Twatter, for a reputable AVIAN vet in the area. His little mouth seems too “red-pink” and there seems to be some kind of “light accumulation” at the corner on the left side. And little “nodes” where I assume his nostrils are. None of it is “horrific” and YES, today he ate THRICE, so he has an appetite AND is eating. BUT... as I've said in HIS Journal... if I have to sell-off the furniture in here... There are, I read last evening, ailments, diseases and the likes that doves and pigeons get, some are treatable but one, in particular mentioned the only recourse is “euthanasia”! It's odd, I suppose, that I don't mind euthanasia for me... or for other people, for that matter. But I'd really rather not have that as the only “solution” for Yonah. Although, as I've even put on HIS Journal... he goes? I follow behind very shortly there-after. (I'm on 10g/day vit.C... I'd stop it all, altogether, immediately... and let “nature” take its course... and hopefully, me with it.) After all, the basic brutal truth is: THE ONLY REASON I'M HANGING ON TO ANYTHING IS BECAUSE YONAH IS HERE! - That said... tonight I want a shower and early to bed. I want to investigate vets tomorrow. There's one in Plattsburgh with reviews that run from ABSOLUTELY STELLAR to ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING! But nothing about being “avian”. So? I've a bit of work ahead on that. AND... I've MUCH MORE work to do on Yonah's Journal which I want complete... BEFORE anything “untoward” happens to either of us. - On that note... I've taken my evening pills and now will settle in for a Brit, followed by a brief shower and then to bed. It's just TOO HOT tonight! - 23.05 I'm seriously considering bed and no shower... I'm exhausted AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE TIME HAS GONE... AGAIN!

Mon.28.Jun: 8.18 I don't know when I got up and out of bed, but it was shortly after the 7.00 alarm (which sounds at about 6.53 as I'm to understand, but even that's according to the “self-setting” clock in the bed-room which never agrees with ANY of the other “clocks” and phones and lap-top which never agree with one-another, each-other nor any other...) BUT... by 8.00, almost on the mark, on the clock on the stove... Yonah's curtains were open, light-block removed, waters changed in pool and drink, kitchen roll changed in “food corner”, fresh “cod liver oil” seed AND broccoli served, BOTH humming-bird feeders cleaned and filled, and breakfast on the back “veranda” was served! Oh... and I had coffee and morning pills in the mean-while. And now, it's almost 27° in Yonah's room, 26° out-side, not sure of the humidity but it's “moist” and I've already broken a hefty schwitz. - Yonah seems to be spiffy this morning, though a bit “tired”. He's chippy as usual but seems a “touch under the heat”. Well, fresh, cool water in the pool AND cod liver oil seed and broccoli on the menu. Let's hope ALL goes well. Both windows are open. - AND A TOUCH OF NEWS: IN THIS MORNING'S “UP-DATES”... IT APPEARS THAT TRUMP HAS TAKEN AN ACCOUNT ON SOME SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM TO BROADCAST HIS RALLIES AND SUCH AND “GAB” HAS SUDDENLY “CHANGED TOS TO BAN 'ANTI-SEMITIC' CONTENT”. AND I JUST RECENTLY POSTED, TO GAB, THAT I'M NO LONGER PARTICIPATING BECAUSE OF THAT SORT OF SHIT... WHICH COMES, IN GREAT PART, FROM TORBA HIMSELF! AH... THERE'S “FUN AND GAMES” TO BE HAD WITH THIS ONE! When I get the moment. - Today's agenda: I forgot to get vinegar at market yesterday so I MIGHT go for that today (and more ice cream, on sale... BOGO, of course whilst there). It's supposed to “orages” at some time this after-noon... “that'll be nice”. - My teeth feel like they're shifting again... uppers and lowers. Heat and, perhaps, the schwitzing/dehydration? Well. Must to keep an eye upon. - Other-wise... MORE YONAH JOURNALLING AND THERE'S A SHIT-LOAD OF PHOTOS TO EDIT, CODE AND POST! So... no “dull moments” to be had in the foreseeable future. - Last night, it was “light out” immediately upon arrival in bed, one loo-trip at about 1.30 and this morning, again, I could have stayed in bed... at least an hour more (but there's snooze-time later). Other than the heat and humidity, coughing... and back to bringing-up “white and foamy” (at least it's not black, brown or red)... another day commences.... last day of bucolic calm and wonderful. I anticipate MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH SHIT'N'HOOTIN'NANNY TOMORROW, WHEN THE “VERMONTER” ARRIVES! (I'M PREPPING FOR THAT TOO... IF SHIT'S CALLED-FOR IN THIS JOINT, IT'S A-GONNA FLY... AND I'LL MAKE THAT ONE'S LIFE THE HELL THAT ONE'S PEOPLE MADE MY LIFE... “OVER THERE”. - Meanwhile... we'll enjoy the time we have... always preparing for... - 20.56 It's 28° OUT THERE WITH A HUMIDEX OF 31! AND I'M JUST SITTING HERE, SOAKING WITH SWEAT... AT THIS HOUR OF THE EVENING... AND IT'S STILL JUNE!!! - THAT said,...
I HAVE TREPIDATIONS... HORRIFIC TREPIDATIONS... THAT “RITA” IS A “VERMONTER” AND I SEE THEIR USUAL “LUST FOR CHAOS, DRAMA AND CONFRONTATIONS” COMING! AND I'M NOT, IN THE LEAST, AMUSED OR HAPPY ABOUT IT!!! BUT THERE'S A ONE BED-ROOM IN PORT KENT THAT'S 595/MO, THAT WILL SHOW AFTER THE 4TH. I'M SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING... SERIOUSLY... MOST SERIOUSLY! IT'S CLOSER TO PLATTSBURGH AND HANNAFORDS AND PETSMART. I'M SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING. NO EXTRA ROOM FOR YONAH THOUGH. BUT MAYBE THERE'S A PARTICULARLY SPECIAL PLACE THAT SHE COULD OCCUPY. I'M SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING!
In other NEWS...
I RANT THE “VCA HOSPITAL” IN RAY BROOK THIS AFTERNOON AND SPOKE WITH A REALLY SWEET YOUNG WOMAN NAMED “SAMANTHA” WHO SPOKE WITH A Dr. HARPER ABOUT YONAH. AND Dr. HARPER SAID THAT *YES*, HE WILL SEE YONAH WHEN I'M READY TO MAKE THE APPOINTMENT AND BRING HER IN!!! YONAH WILL HAVE A DOCTOR! I JUST HAVE TO FIGURE OUT THE LOGISTICS (MONEY AND GETTING HER THERE... I'LL HAVE THE TRUCK INSPECTED NEXT WEEK AND CHECKED FOR SUITABILITY FOR THE DRIVE AND THEN... IT'S A MATTER OF THE MONEY AND WE'RE DONE! I'M RELIEVED IN THAT RESPECT! SO RELIEVED!
Also, I made a run into the market this after-noon, primarily for vinegar (which I forgot to use in the “broccoli” I cooked last evening and was going to have as a “borscht” over hard-boiled eggs but completely forgot, mostly because of the heat. Anyway, en route, I stopped up at Nancy's to ask what doctor she took Jack to, since she sang such praises. Nobody was home but JACK WAS THERE! HE'S LOOKS AMAZING! HE GOT UP, CAME ALMOST TO THE DOOR AND BARKED A BIT. I could hear his weakness but out-wardly, there's NO sign of the accident! Nancy DID say that the injuries were “internal”, which is more a concern since they can't be seen. And Jack did sound “weak”. But he stood, walked and barked a bit. I almost cried! - So, nobody home, I got back into the truck and went to town, grabbed a few items to make the trip worth the leaving Yonah (which I NEVER enjoy doing for ANY reason). - On the way out, I noticed the PRICE OF GAS AT STEWART'S... 3,29 FOR THE LOW-END! THAT MEANS THE 91 IS PROBABLY OVER 4$/GALLON! I'M SO RIP-SHIT-FUCKING-PISSED!!! AND I BELIEVE IT'S ALL A PART OF KEEPING PEOPLE FROM TRAVELLING! NOTHING MORE OR LESS. THIS FUCKING DICTATORSHIP GOVERNMENT HAS GOT TO GO... AND BEFORE IT HAS ANOTHER 3,5 YEARS TO FUCK US ALL TO DEATH! Then again... who's to say I'll be here much longer anyway? Eh? If I KNEW, for a fact, “when”... chances are, *I'D* “handle it” my-self at this point. But... for now... I'M RIP-SHIT FUCKING PISSED!!!
NEXT point...
Rita and daughter and grand-son were here today. We spoke briefly. Alvin was walking back and forth across the yard and drive and made a point of coming to the back galleries, carrying some old buckets. “I'm working on my bucket list.” he said. Rita and Chris didn't seem to make much of it and I had NOTHING to say to even acknowledge his presence. No doubt, he made a point of coming closer to hear what we were talking about. Anyway, Rita says Alden painted, took care of some items and allegedly shampooed the carpeting. (Odd, I didn't hear that, nor did I smell it.) AND she said that “Section 8” put the screws to Alden about things that needed repair or replacement or removal or “they wouldn't pay the security deposit and I wouldn't be renting here”... said Rita. Well? She's got a lesson or so coming to her... and I'm not going to be much help. In fact, I intend to have a friendly “chat” with her when she's “in”... I'm not, as Jeff said, the “maintenance” and I'm not “on call”. And I'll make it clear to her that if she runs into trouble, she's to go to Alvin and NOT me. I want NONE of it! And... in consideration of... at 19.20 Corey came to the door with a parcel addressed to Rita... “Heath”... (Poirier... as she said and I learnt in a “search” I did... yes I did). It's from Spectrum and since somebody was kind enough to accept my bed for me when it got delivered AND the Spectrum set-up, I accepted this one for Rita (but will make it clear that I won't be making a habit of that either). Anyway, it's confirmed that she's French... Québec, but born in NEK and lived most of her life in “Fletcher” which isn't far from Jericho! SHE'S A BLOODY-BLEATING VERMONTER AND I'M NOT HAPPY AT ALL! Also, Chris showed up with PINK hair! She's got a kid so she's no youngster... and PINK hair! Yep... THIS IS NOT GOOD AT ALL! Meanwhile, the parcel was addressed to Nr.5 on the Hill “Apt 1”! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? OH, this place is on my last nerve. BUT, as Corey left, after we talked about the place and address and such, I yelled “Don't get lost leaving the parking lot!” and I heard him LAUGH! So that was a delight. - And as for the rest of the day? Well... I'm down to the last 10 days of January to be done on Yonah's Journal. I spent the day in her room with her and the side-tracking of LOVING HER! She's a LAUGH-RIOT! When I'm in there, she FLAPS her wings at me, demanding “cuddles” and of course, I can't possibly deny her that! So there were many such “breaks” as I worked... in this UN-GODLY HEAT! (And I see temperatures in OREGON of 47°!!! We're FINALLY heading into HELL!) - And this just covers another day. - I'm still sweating, I'm going to have by Brit and some cold water with tarts. I've taken my evening pills and WILL take a shower tonight... I didn't take one last night but tonight I can't NOT... I only hope there's RUNNING FUCKING WATER! - And on that... off to Yonah's Journal entry for today and... soon to bed! - My stomach is upset... it's GOT to be the tablets! Thankfully, the “discomfort” isn't in the lungs... though I'm sure they're not in bet shape... with all this heat and humidity. - 23.05 I do NOT know where the time goes! No matter WHEN I sit to watch the Brit, and the day, planning on an early shower... here I am, just finishing! Well... shower tonight it must be. Tomorrow... snoozes... Tomorrow's going to be another hot one too... but... I've nothing on the agenda... save moving the truck to the pee-oh... so that it doesn't “accidentally” get smashed.(Vermonters are invading.) - Found where Rita was before coming here... a “community home” in Enosburgh (similar to Franny's place in Jericho), and a “Senior” complex in Lake Placid that bears a GREAT resemblance to one that burned in Monsey last year. Anyway... “Senior” living and now here? THIS is going to be interesting. Oh... and for the place in LP, there's ONE “review”... posted on 22 June of this year: “Not enough privacy for me”. Yeah... THIS is going to be ... OUT OF HERE! - Shower time.

Tue.29.Jun: 11.14 It's been a “slow” sort of morning with HEAT HEAT HEAT and, in case I forget to mention it... HEAT!!! The sky has been “hazy” too. The box fan is on the floor, in the kitchen, blowing into Yonah's room where I've been for most of the time, AND HE'S BEEN ALL SORTS OF “EXPLORATORY”, HAVING FOUND A “NEW” PLACE TO DISCOVER... THE ARM OF THE FUTON! AND WE'VE BEEN “PLAYING” AND CUDDLING A AND KISSING THROUGH THE TIME. - AND I'M JUST IN FROM MOVING THE TRUCK TO THE “PO SHED”... AS A GESTURE OF BEING CO-OPERATIVE, BUT TRUTHFULLY, TO AVOID ANY POSSIBLE “ACCIDENTS” WHEN THE “VERMONTERS” ARRIVE WITH U-HAULS AND GOD-ONLY KNOW WHAT ELSE! I'm NOT looking forward to this with ANY sort of “happiness”. In fact, I'm in a bit of a snit, insides are twisted. I DO NOT TRUST THIS ONE! Pink hair on the daughter... the “history” of being a “born Vermonter”... Chittenden county, and from the looks of the “residences”, “senior housing communities”... I just have a terribly SINKING feeling that it was “run out” as opposed to “removing for better”. I probably shouldn't be pre-judgmental, but I AM... and I'll continue looking for... I wonder if that little “cottage” in Mamakating is ever available again. Roosa Gap... up in the mountains. But then again... *I just took a look at the “old place” up there... The drive-way now has a name... “Legion Rd.” The house, trailer and “cottages” have “house numbers”. Sadly, Ggl decided the Roosa Gap Rd. isn't worth “documenting” but it DOES have a “satellite” view and, from the looks of it, not “too much” has changed. BUT... there's a web-site that FEMA has where “calls” are recorded and those include “Gas Leak” and “EMS” (at my old place)... back in '01, 06, 08. The “trailer” is listed as “Renter”... as is the small “cottage”. Nothing about “9”... my old place. BUT... Nr.7... the HOUSE, has a listed potential rent of 1300/month. Well, truth is... I don't know that I'd want to go back there... not that close to... Nbg! And certainly NOT into a “compound”! I was fortunate in those days. I don't know that anybody lived, year-round, in the trailer, the small cottage was empty most of the time and the house was, well... I never did know who was in there... other than they had a damned dog that used to bark out-side the bed-room window in the middle of the night, disturbing Noel and me. No... I don't believe I'd want to be back there. Besides, Yonah wouldn't have her own room either. OK. So it was a nice “mental visit”. Still... it does nothing as far as finding a nice little place where I don't have to be bothered with worry about... “trash”. (This morning, as I had coffee, I thought: If this “Rita” proves to be what I expect, it'll be a DELIGHT to be able to say, to those in ear-shot “Well, I've said that Alden's more comfortable to renting to White Trash and lookie here! He's on his way back to his comfort zone. And when I leave... the whole house can go back to what the owner and the hamlet are most comfortable with... MAYBE the 'new folks' will turn the front apartment back to a little business... CRACK HOUSE! New Russia will be SO happy, I'm SO sure!” Okie-dokie... yoobetcha!) - Well, it's going for noon and time for mid-days and a bit of depressing, annoying, aggravation in the “news”. I did a “run-through” on soc.med. this morning and got sick to my stomach. There are videos of the GARBAGE strewn all over and IN the fountain at Wash.Sq. after the “Pride” do on Sunday. More murders. More bull-shit. I didn't stay long, to be sure. What I DO NEED TO DO... *NEED* to do is... remember that I'm in this little house here, and can stay in these little rooms here, and the rest of the world with all its bull-shit ISN'T IN here... I have my income to keep shelter (shaky as it might be) and I have the ability to lock the rest out! (Let's add: I also thought: If I apply for “subsidised” for here, Mr. Fucking Landlord might get a bit more as monthly rent BUT, it'll cost him a tidy sum in order to bring the place UP TO CODE... e.g. replacing the stove, perhaps the fridge as well... maybe the loo basin... and there's no telling about windows (especially in the bed-room), the “security” of the front door... and all the “little” things he'd said he'd address when I moved-in and... he toddle off to ignore them. I'm pondering... just on account. But if this Rita proves to be as I suspect... I'll do it... just because...). - I'm tired again. I've already taken a 10-minute snooze. It's interesting... the FATIGUE comes as a “wash”, and it's “deep”. A quick snooze and for a while after, I feel like complete shit, worse... then... I'm ready to attack the world for a brief while and then... back to FATIGUE. I suppose I need to get used to this... I don't see any “change for better” coming... There are moments when I feel that I could just stop, stop it all, sit down or lie down and... I'd drift away. BUT I WILL NOT DO THAT TO YONAH! WE'RE FAMILY NOW! AND I'M SO OBLIGED TO HIM! MY LITTLE GUY IN THE HOUSE! We'll find a great place to call home for both of us. As Deb said about the truck: It's out there.... - On with the day... now that it's slipping away. - 11.59 Addendum: Looking at the satellite of Roosa Gap, I just happened to notice a rather strong resemblance to... G's! Well... OMG! Just noting. - Now... off to mid-day pills. I'm also remembering, as I “concern” over my fatigue: I was this way YEARS ago... I remember dozing-off at work... in Howidbeach! So this is nothing “new”... just me... the way I've almost-always been. Oh... how I DO make things worse for myself... psychotic, that's what it is... and stress... and... - 14.33 I'm sitting with Yonah, working on her Journal and... the moment the PO closed, I moved the truck... THEY'RE JUST ARRIVING... I heard (and felt) a “bump”, looked up out the back door... and can see the front of Chris's car. Well? HERE WE GO! Honestly, I have to think of all the move-ins I've done over the course of my own life-time (this house being, I believe, the 51st address) and ALWAYS, I was told “I didn't even know you'd moved-in!” Seriously... I don't give a shit what others might say, the FUCKING FACT of the matter is that: IF I CAN MOVE IN SILENCE THERE'S NO REASON OR EXCUSE FOR OTHERS NOT DOING THE SAME! But... all I can hope for is that this move-in is quick, efficient, that there's no BANGING INTO MID-NIGHT (or the shit WILL fly) and that once settled... settled for the remainder. (OH! I'm DREADING THIS! I'M JUST DREADING THIS!) - 20.51 Rita is “in” but her kids are on the back gallery... they were supposed to be here almost 2 hours ago. Oh well... as long as they're gone soon... I mean, moving in at 21.00? THIS does NOT bode well, to be sure. They were here at almost 14.00 (not the “around noon” I was told... “Vermonters”... can't drive, can't tell time, can't... or won't or what-ever). I heard only a few “thumps” and then silence. Not too bad. At about 16.00, I stepped out to see Rita sitting in a chair on the back gallery. We chatted, mostly about New Russia and “the fucking landlord”. He DIDN'T replace her window but promised “he will”. I told her about “promises”... I should have mentioned the stove again... ah well... the opportunity will present, I've no doubt. But she got up rather abruptly and went back into the house. “Vermont”. At about 18.00 I went to ask if she'd need the drive any more and that's when she said they'd be back with the car and the U-Haul... “with-in the hour”. I explained that I don't want the truck in the PO parking in the morning and she seemed to understand... Well... here they are... anyway... - Moving along, (as they chat on the back gallery)...
Yonah's January Journal is up and live! And February “cleaning” is under way. It's been a LONG day of working on it but we spent the entire day together today and THAT is, for me, ALL that matters in the world. She's “tucked-in” for the night. I have to find a way to “trim his beak”! It ain't easy... as I'm seeing. (Will note on HIS Journal in a moment.) It's about the drive up to Ray Brook (and the cost of course... I have to BUDGET!). - Other-wise, it's still HOT tonight and humid! ICK! I'll be grabbing a Brit in a bit, then a shower and then to bed. Hopefully Ms. Rita won't decide to move furnishings over-night. (She told me she sleeps until 9.00 and I heard her daughter refer to her as a “Night Owl”. No... this does not bode well...) - On that... off to Yonah's Journal and then to the Brits! What will be... will be. - 22.52 Off to the shower... late, as has become usual. - The truck is in the back again... “Chris” un-loaded her car and left... and not a word was said to me about moving the truck back... I'm calling it “Strike 1”... and, quite frankly, the last one... “Vermonter”! There's going to be trouble with this one. - And I'm not feeling well... woozy and my stomach's a bit “off”. Had some fruit cocktail with yoghurt (which is what I had mid-day) but 4 tarts... and that probably set me off. Oh well... - Yonah's still fine. - And there's been no banging next door (though I think she's probably confined to un-packing and such in the bed-room... which is where I hope she'll stay through the night! - OK... Off... it's late... I'm sweating... and tired. - OH... AND I CAN'T GET THROUGH TO MY E-MAILS!!! WONDERING IF IT DOESN'T HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH EUROPE! I'M FUCKED!

Wed.30.Jun:(10.55 AND THE U-HAUL IS PARKED IN THE DRIVE! DOORS SLAMMING. SCREENS SLAPPING. AND NOT A WORD TO ME... SO, THE “IN-CONSIDERATION” IS RECIPROCATED! FUCK! )
13.40 TWICE NOW, WITH-IN THE PAST 10 MINUTES, THE RADIO HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED BY “EMERGENCY WARNING”... 60MPH WINDS, HAIL, LIGHTNING... ACROSS CHITTENDEN COUNTY... JUST NOW, “FORT TICONDEROGA”. I'D HEARD THE REINERS' GENERATOR RUNNING FOR A MOMENT AND CHECKED HERE... WE DID HAVE A COMPLETE OUTAGE THAT RE-SET THE FAN IN THE BED-ROOM AND THE LIGHT ON THE ALARM CLOCK. THERE'S BEEN “DISTANT THUNDER” ON AND OFF, THE HUMIDITY IS RATHER HIGH, THE SKIES ARE SOLID “LIGHT GREY” ALL DAY AND THERE *IS* THAT “UN-NATURAL QUIET”... EVEN THE BIRDS OUT-SIDE ARE AWAY. BUT THE WARNINGS ON THE RADIO HAVE INCLUDED ADVISORIES FOR PEOPLE CLOSE TO THE CHAMPLAIN... TO GET AWAY FROM THE WATER. PEOPLE BEING ADVISED TO BE IN “LOWER FLOORS AND AWAY FROM WINDOWS”. “LIGHT HAIL DAMAGE POSSIBLE”. (NOT THE TRUCK!) INTERESTING SORT OF DAY.
7.47 OK... So it's already 24°, over-cast and HUMID and I'm dressed, up and about. Yonah's waters have been changed and we've done a “sweep'n'change”. And last night, we didn't shower, but we did have a quite night (as far as I can say) other than contractions during the night which means, this morning, I'm a bit “dragged”. AND JUNE IS GONE! Oh well... - One thing about this morning: A thought that keeps rolling in my brain... “IT'S A VERMONTER” and I'm NOT “happy”. Oh well. And IT was up and about at about 7.30 as I was sitting in the carsie. I don't care. I'm NOT going to exist with “excess consideration” for this one. I remember being lied to... at Nr.42, and having to SCRUB the fucking place... then called a “scum-bag”... mid-night wall-rolling with thanks to Nicole... followed by “lock-down and forced 'prayer meetings', my clothes being all-but-destroyed in a hi-temp dryer, and standing on the streets of “The Old North End”, in the rain, in December. I remember being “charged with embezzlement”, and 6 months of not being able to get a job, being barred from entry to QC. I remember a vehicle that wouldn't pass inspection and being “threatened”... “I'm cancelling the registration, good luck with that.” Promised repairs that never happened. An “Order of Protection”... being accused of “shirking” responsibilities and sitting in a house, half-freezing. A deflated bed-mattress. Putting furniture against the door to a room that had no heat through Winter. A 7x14 room, one window, no air-conditioning, dark, broken foot (“You need to be more careful.”) and “You're verbally abusive.” Called a “fuckin' idiot” across the yards... Propane tank directly out-side the only window... Oh... I remember... “Vermont”. And this morning... I'm NOT “happy”. No. I'm NOT going to “adjust” MY time here for THAT! - And so, my head floats to the ceiling again this morning, heart beats in my eyes... No... I am NOT “happy” But... - Yonah is up and about and I'm looking at another day, spent with him... and we're GRAND! and THAT is what I focus on. “Time” will tell all and attend to all. - And on that opening, thankfully my e-mail is back up and running this morning. Nothing in there of “grand importance”. “Orages” in the forecast. Thankfully the 3.00 threats didn't occur. And we, Yonah and I, had, to the best of my knowledge, a fine and pleasant, though hot and humid, night. We take it from there (as IT slaps the screen door... again... oh... here we go). - 10.55 I grabbed a 20-minute snooze and was awakened by the sounds of rumbles next-door... Well, fine, OK. People “move”. BUT... I've just been to the cellar to spray peppermint oil about, because the mice are back AND last night, that “foul” odour... in Yonah's room... as if something dead is in the wall over the cellar door. And, to check the oil tank (at about a quarter, which is better than an eighth I suppose). WELL! INDEED! THERE'S THE BLOOD U-HAUL, PARKED ON THE DIAGONAL ACROSS THE DRIVE! ONE HOPES IT'S NOT BLOCKING T HE TRUCK... ONE SURELY AND CERTAINLY HOPES THAT THERE ISN'T EVEN SO MUCH AS A TRACE OF A SCRATCH ON IT (YONAH IS HAVING BREAKFAST AT LAST!!!!) BECAUSE ONE DOESN'T LOOK FORWARD TO THE LITIGATION THAT WILL FOLLOW IN THE EVENT OF EVEN THE SLIGHTEST “DAMAGE” AND/OR INCONVENIENCE. THE PRECEDENT FOR FUTURE HAS BEEN SET... THAT ONE OVER THERE IS IN FOR ALL THE “PRIVACY” IT COULD IMAGINE... I'D OFFERED TO TAKE THE TRASH ONCE-MONTHLY... IT CAN GO THE FUCK STRAIGHT TO HELL WITH IT'S TRASH. AND I SUSPECT THERE'LL BE A “COLLECTION” ROTTING ON THE BACK GALLERY... I SUSPECT THERE'LL BE CALLS TO THE HEALTH DEPT., HUD, “SECTION 8” AND WHAT-WHOM-EVER, SHOULD THAT HAPPEN EVEN BUT ONCE! (Not to mention the “word” that will be going out through “the village”.) WE ARE NOT HAPPY! - Meanwhile... we ARE having a “floating” sort of day of it... and my bowels... it might be the broccoli... I don't know. But the “floating” is annoying. - ON BETTER NOTES... YONAH IS A DELIGHT THIS MORNING AND HE'S HAVING BRUNCH AS I TYPE, SITTING AT THE WORK TABLE. It's a grey, humid day again and we'll be passing it together... making the best of it all as we can... And I'm still most-concerned about the “beak”... If I had the where-with-all now, I'd be on the road to shop for those “mineral blocks”. But, BEFORE ANYBODY gets ANY bit of the next income... there's a shopping list waiting... and THAT will be done FIRST, FOREMOST, ABOVE AND BEYOND ALL ELSE. - (I'm not even concerned about “rent”.) - 11.06 As I type... the U-Haul has departed... the screen door is slapping... the pee-oh is closed... my attitude is quite similar to a Vermont Open Manure Pit. These are NOT “happy days”... EXCEPT FOR YONAH... WHO ISN'T JUST “HAPPINESS”... HE'S M'HEART, SOUL, BREATH, BEING!!! WHAT EVER IS ABOVE AND BEYOND PURE BLISSFUL DIVIINE ECSTASY ... HE'S ABOVE AND BEYOND THAT! - And I'm going to check the post and get back to his Journal... then mid-days and then... - OH... the “Spectrum” bill... UP 3$... I'VE BEEN EXPECTING A 15$ INCREASE! I don't like ANY increase, but 12$ less than anticipated is a relief... we'll see what happens NEXT month... Eh?) - 20.55 Little Yonah is tucked-in for the night already, and there's the most WONDERFUL breeze blowing into the house... from the North. I just wish it would blow in more than just the back door and loo window, but, the only other window is the kitchen and I really don't want to be bollocksed with un-wrapping that. (Though, if this heat keeps up, I might have no choice.) - Anyway, the “move-in”... I was just at the truck and checked the “tyre marks” in the drive. Thankfully, no marks on the truck and the tracks didn't go near it. Good call for the “Vermonters”, especially since they said nothing to me at all, just came, did and left. And I DO have to say that I saw into the living-room and, for the first time ever, since I've been here, it looks “cozy”. A nice lamp, plants... “homey”. And I believe she (or, as I think of her... “it”... being a Vermonter until further developments to prove other-wise, which I doubt will come) has a flat-screen “TV” on a stand of some kind. THANKFULLY, for its sake, I haven't heard it all day... and we hope, for its sake, we never do. No, I'm NOT being “kind”. And the back gallery is being cluttered with chair, tables, plants and... This one's just literally “moved in”. Well, I can't say that that's a “bad” thing. There's a “stability” in it. And it did say that it's thinking “I'll die here”... so familiar. (This is the “house of death” at this juncture... “little place in the Adirondacks”...) - In other news... YONAH'S BEAK NEEDS... AND I MEAN *** NEEDS *** TO BE TRIMMED! I'M ALMOST SICK WITH WORRY NOW BECAUSE, ON ALL ACCOUNTS I'VE READ THROUGH THE DAY, IT CAN CAUSE PAIN WHICH MEANS HE WON'T EAT FOR A WHILE! AND I SEEM TO RECALL THE VCA SAYING THEY WON'T LET ME IN WITH HIM... BUT I'M GOING TO JUGGLE THIS MONTH'S BUDGET TO DEATH (read: SEVERE AUSTERITY) AFTER ORDERING YONAH'S FOOD AND THOSE MINERAL BLOCKS WHICH I HOPE HE'LL USE AND WE WON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS ANY FARTHER, BUT I DOUBT HE WILL... AND CALL AND SEE IF THEY'LL LET ME IN WITH HIM... CONSIDERING IT'S OUR FIRST VISIT! I ALSO HAVE TO SEE HOW MUCH IT'LL COST UP FRONT... I RECALL SEEING THAT THEY'RE “CASH”. I'M WORSE THAN A PARENT WITH A LITTLE CHILD! BUT... AND I'LL MAKE THIS “KNOWN” TO THEM... WERE IT NOT FOR YONAH... I WOULDN'T BE JOURNALLING TONIGHT! WHAT MAKES IT HARDER ON ME IS THAT TODAY, HE ACTUALLY LET ME HOLD HIM TO ME! HE TRUSTS ME! AND I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING TO BETRAY OR SHAKE THAT TRUST! OK. SURE. I'M CERTAIN OTHERS HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS TOO... BUT THIS ISN'T THEM. BUT THE BEAK *** ABSOLUTELY MUST *** BE TRIMMED... VERY... *** VERY *** SOON! - On other topics... it's been a “difficult” sort of day all day... woozy, a bit of nausea. Not from any particular or specific “pain” or discomfort. Just that “spinning in air” sort of thing. It's been better since meal, and I had 3 eggs for mid-day. I wonder what it's all about now... especially since my “cough-ups” aren't “voluminous”, nor are they that “dark greenish-yellowish with specks” as they used to be before the “megaC”. But I took TWO snoozes during the day because I was SO tired! The fatigue strikes, literally, hard, quick, sudden and is almost debilitating. OK. What-ever... we shall see. - Right now, it's 21.10 and I want a shower before bed. So I'm off to Yonah's June Journal and a Brit... tarts, water and... Another day... wrapped. - OH... the electric's been dropping, briefly, but it's happened thrice. There's no sign of reason here. And we didn't (thankfully) get ANY sort of “storm” all day... I hope it holds through the night. Maybe these old mountains will hold that sort of thing at bay? I hope! - 23.15 I'm SO TIRED... and it's raining and I'm brushing my teeth and going to bed... I “need” a shower but I simply can't. THIS fatigue is MURDER!