Sun.04.Nov: 0.27 Quite a bit later than I'd expected to get to bed, but Minds got me involved... and I'm still not tired. But I ate the equivalent of a stick of butter (the rest of the butter left in the tub that I'd bought but didn't get to finish... it was soft) (with one roll and a mug of room-temp water). Hopefully the fat will “flush” in the morning. - Sent a 3-part text message to Dennis too, mentioning my intentions of going to Monticello and perhaps, stopping in Nbg. Said I'd ring him Monday night. - Well? Time for a few moments of reading and then hopefully, to sleep. Just in from last smoke. - Here's to hoping for no cramps. (I had a muscle spasm... right thigh, as I sat here. Jeezis! Will these pains never stop... before I die?) - 11.28 VERY late to getting along here, especially considering that it “was” 12.28 at this time yesterday. But I heard the alarms at 7,7.30 and 8 and just COULDN'T get up out of bed. Laying there, I was pain-free! But at 9.01 (today's time.. 10.01 yesterday's time) I moved... and the pain returned. Got up slowly, got dressed, had coffee and vits., a smoke on the porch. Mme. let the little ones out and the day commenced. And thus far... I can't move my bowels, in spite of all the fat intake before bed and I'm rather concerned because I need to plan a trip to Monticello and Nbg. perhaps this week or next and I need to have this nonsense over and gone by then. Well? We shall see. - Meanwhile, just finishing with the morning's soc.med. and Mme. is out to church. I've no idea what to do with the rest of the day but I DO know that SOME sort of moving about is necessary. (Damned shame I've no place in particular that I'd like to go to to walk about any more.) So I'm off to see what I can “do” to move... and hopefully “move” things in my guts about... to encourage them to dispel and discharge! - 22.40 Well... I ate about the equivalent of a beet, mashed, about a tablespoon of under-cooked pasta, and a frank tonight. I also took a heaping tablespoon of coconut oil before and a heaping teaspoon after. No BM at all today. The pain seems to have subsided a bit. I have a little more mobility but I still have the brace on. - Sent a message to Dorothy asking which Thursday would be best for her for a visit. Reply? “Ok. I'm leaving on the 18th pumpkin. Such a long drive.” No date chosen. I've no patience for this. - Meanwhile, Jacquie wants to pay a 2-night stay in a motel in Nbg. But the only one I can find that appears even “semi-suitable” (on Tripadvisor) is a Days Inn on Union ave. across from Washington Lake. It's a lovely view of the lake but Union av. is now SIX LANES WIDE! I suppose I could put up with a night... and it's just under 100$ (before tax, of course... 92$ if memory serves). I'd book for 2 adults just so there's no “trouble”. Same price. Truthfully, I'm at the point now where I don't really care about seeing Dorothy. It doesn't appear that she's keen on the idea so... So? If not... so be it. I'm considering this my “Farewell Tour” so if she doesn't care, I don't. I've no doubt she's in cahoots with the little bitch of CTN. No prob. Let them think of me as they will. Let's see how it turns out with Dennis. If I go to see him... right now, that's all that matters. And it will save me a LOT of extra driving... since I won't have to go to Monticello. More direct. Just down the old 87. - Justin dropped by this evening to see Mme. SHE GAVE HIM FREE WiFi ON THE HOUSE! I told her that if he ups her bandwidth use, she'll be charged for it. 2 phones on now and me. Her response? She turned her phone off. We had a “chat” and I stressed that she's become his mother now... and ignoring the lease already and it's only been in effect 4 days. There's no sense talking to her. It's useless. I honestly don't know why I bother. She mentioned trying to help me, financially, as much as she can. But I seriously and honestly, whole-heartedly believe she thinks precious little or terribly negative of me. Well? Again... There's nothing one can do about the perception of others and sometimes, most times, it makes no sense to try to change incorrect perceptions. - Well for now... time to try for a bit of a nap. No v-ton again tonight. Let's see how all of the “detox” works with the pain. I just wish I could have a good “blast”, cleansing what-ever's in there. Hopefully tomorrow the oil will come through and all will be well again... for a few weeks. Very important to have it gone before getting on the road to travel. - I'm not tired... but I'm “tired”... of all of this bull-shit. (Especially the Dorothy matter. I wonder... I'm probably not welcome in anybody's home. So be it. Spiffy.)

Mon.05.Nov: 9.07 Just in from smoke and Mimou. Heard all three alarms again this morning and again, this morning, woke at 8.52. (Mme. is in the kitchen, on the phone.) - Another grey morning. Not too terribly cold. Nice. - Still no reply from Dorothy and it comes to mind that, I have to make reservations for a hotel and today would be the last possible day... unless I show up and try to pay in cash (and I KNOW hotels DON'T like that at all... I remember the “system” at Days Inn... Credit card necessary. It's what fucked me that day of the “great embezzlement”. Oh well... I'm of the mind, at the moment: This trip to Monticello is NOT going to happen. Kay Sarah, Sarah. No giving a fuck today. It don't matte anyway. Kay Sarah, Sarah. - Meanwhile, on the home health front, my side is still sore, but there's a “something” making a move in the bowels. Last night, I had to pee and what came through on THAT is DEEP orange. At first, I thought it to be blood but then remembered: Beets for dinner. Quick? Yeah. But, considering there's really no “food” in my system, it wouldn't be at all too strange for beets to colour things that quickly. Actually, the greatest “solid” I've had in the past couple of days is the coconut oil. (And I'd rather like to know where the HELL THAT is.) Well... what-ever is causing the “inconveniences” of late will be discovered... eventually... I'm sure. - And so, now I suppose I'll set my sights on NEXT Thursday morning for a trip to Nbg. I'll go see Dennis. After all... priorities can change, and so, here-with, they have done. I've disconnected from relatives all through my life-time. One can't, one has no right to, force one's self on others. And, most certainly, let's keep in mind, a particular sister who was all-welcoming, caring and concerned... then distracted whilst one's life was packed into a U-Haul in one's absence. Obviously, on neither side of the relations, are any of them to be trusted. Do I think it's actually any different with Dennis? No, not really. But “Time” alone will show that for it's worth as well. Who knows? Perhaps I won't be making ANY “Farewell Tour”. That's OK too... I can certainly use the money that would be invested in THAT, to make MY days more to MY liking. Oh well... - For now... New day. New shit. Let's roll along. - 22.03 Well... I got the sleeping-bag washed. And hour in the dryer at the laundr-o-mat and ANOTHER 2 HOURS in the dryer at the house! JEEZ! But the cost was only about 6$ so it wasn't so bad. I left here at about noon and got back at about 15.00. Stopped at Hannafrod's and left with 2,80 for food for the rest of the month. But I have coffee for the month and soups for a couple of days, bread and butter too. (“English Toasting Bread” they call it. Just had 2 slices, toasted... quite good.) - Have come to the agreement that I'll got to Monticello NEXT Thursday. Mme. is still insisting on paying the room. If she does, I can't reserve for 2 people so this is going to take some doing. - Anyway... Mme. left at about 16.00 and I IMMEDIATELY dumped the 2 jars of borscht from about 3 years ago, put the jars (and 2 more) into the stuffed dish-washer and did those dishes, stacked more wood in the kitchen (she managed, in a mere 48 hours to almost deplete EVERY bit of what I'd stacked), Hoovered the floor, fed the little ones. - My “meal”: 2 beets and a hard-boiled egg, mashed, with sour cream and vinegar. ALMOST like borscht. (Hoping it will help push through anything in the bowels.) Followed that with some ice cream and a table-spoon of coconut oil. (Happily, SOMETHING is “churning” in there tonight... may tomorrow bring CLEAN-OUT!) - I intended to ring Dennis tonight but I'm exhausted. And I say that, happily. Been watching TV most of the evening. - Ms. Kelly arrived very shortly after Mme. left and immediately got the washing machine going. There was precious little hot water by about 18.00. I sent word to Mme. who replied that she needed to focus on her work and thanked me for watching the house. I replied that I was just reporting and wouldn't bother again. Fuck her. She's got a “Grisolm” happening again. She knows she's going to have to either enforce the lease or evict Ms. Kelly. So the choice is hers... not mine. - Now... with tummy churning, I'm going to try for a brief shower to lay on the freshly cleaned bed. (I could just lay down and go to sleep as I am... dressed. I'm that tired.)

Tue.06.Nov: 0.25 Just out of a quick shower. GAB is back up and running! Oh YAY! Time to run through all the accounts now. - Anyway... Justin has returned. Kelly is still in residence. I got cut off of Internet twice so whilst I showered, I cut the router. I'll just keep my mouth shut about that and continue as needed. - Also, BM before shower... quite loose! PLEASE! Let this be the beginning of the end of the PAIN! But I wonder: tonight's beets are coming through... why is it taking the coconut oil so long this time? Chances are, this isn't an “obstruction”. I wouldn't doubt that it has something to do with pinched nerves and the spine. If the next “primary” suggests a colonoscopy... I suppose I'll go. Or, at the very least, an x-ray or something of the lower back. Hell. Yeah, I'm ready to kick off... but I don't want to linger in any more un-necessary pain. - Well... that's that for this. Off to a nap. - 1.36 NOW it's time to go to bed! - 9.50 and here we are, just waiting for “under-things” to dry. Was up at about 8.15 or so, “morning routine”. A check of the météo for 14 days shows snow on the 16th. How charming... how fucking, bloody charming. My fault. “When in the course of making plans, so long as you can say 'I', all goes well. But once the 'I' is changed to 'we', everything's almost guaranteed to go to shit.” Well... at least I've now gone just over an hour with-out the back brace on... and a tiny BM this morning. Let's hope “things move” along and all is well for the coming weeks. (I've got to “scheme” my way to getting smokes, cash and vit.K. now. This just bloody-well fucking pisses me off.) - Not too cold this grey and damp morn. - Oh... must remember to go vote (not that I particularly believe it makes any difference in this shit-hole state but better to say “I did” than to whine about the results and have not done.) - (2.08 on Wednesday) Jotting Notes On The Day (to be filled-in when I wake on Wednesday). - (On Wednesday, 9.42): It was about 11.30-is when I hobbled up ye olde road to ye olde Town Hall and cast my vote and en route back to the hole, stopped by at Pammie and Davie's to inquire about making garlands for sale and any interest in the oars I'd painted during my sojourn at 5225. Lo! and Behold even! Pam said that she'd had some wreaths and such last year for sale and ended-up having to use them all herself. Not much demand for that sort of thing here. As I said about the matter: Country folk don't BUY garland, we make our own. Well? No prob. No sweat. No bother. No need. Move along to... I came to the hole and fethed the oars, brought them back and... PAM BOUGHT THEM FOR 20$! She said she'd either keep them for her-self (“I grew up around Carmi.”) or sell them along (at more than the 20 she paid me... she admitted). I don't care about the income on them. They're gone. I'm pleased. And so, I returned to the hole. - Well, well... WELL!!!! I managed to toddle off to the PO today to find a letter from some OTHER “collection agency” about this “student loan” bull-shit! Seriously! In a “mood”, I contacted them, ready for full battle. What I got was... One of those 5$ DEALS! Spoke with 3 different ladies, ALL in New York... over by Buffalo... and have made the first payment, and have had the next 9 arranged for auto-pay on the Soc.Sec. card each month! Had to give 3 “references” and, being in a bind that way, gave Ev, Barb and Ramdai. (Let's see how THAT pans-out. I'll have to come up with alternates, no doubt, but for now... I await the “paper-work”.) I'm not deluding myself into believing that this is going to work out well. But for now... let the records show that I've made my attempt. Fuck the rest of it. At this point, I can't give a shit. But the over-all experience was rather pleasant enough... and took me almost through the day to about 16.00! Ne'er let it be said that I don't make an effort (how awful of me... making others look bad). - Am drinking several mugs of hot water during the day in an effort to “cleanse”. And today's “meal” consisted of “cream of mushroom” soup and toast, followed by ice cream which I will have to replace before Thursday afternoon. But at least I'm getting a few days of being able to work on the “cleansing”. Must be in tip-top shape NEXT Thursday morn. Looks to be a snowy one... and a snowy return, as well. (Fuck. This week would have been perfect, but let's never mind that.) - Have heard nothing from Dennis of late. I have to wonder how his Aunt is doing AND... how HE'S handling it. He leads me to believe that she's the only “family” he's got left and, with out talks about all the “old crowd” being, pretty much wiped-out... I'm used to it being that way, but I have to worry and wonder about him. Silly of me. He's been there all these years with-out my interference. And so, I rang this evening and left a message for him. We shall see... in time. - SPOKE WITH BRIAN THIS EVENING! DOROTHY SENT ME HIS PHONE NUMBER AND I ACTUALLY RANG! The voice of an adult answered the phone. Little Brian's quite the grown old geyser. We chatted for about half an hour. He'll take next Thursday after-noon off. Said something about “lunch'. I said “Just have coffee.” He said “sandwiches”. I said “Nothing special.” Good that I rang though. He's not at the old compound. He's down the road, past John and Barb's and Skip's. I'll have to re-calc my navigations meanwhile. AND, he says he's bought a parcel further down Dingle Daisy where he'll “set up a little place for anybody who wants to use it, or if anybody needs a place to stay.” He's his Mother... and, from what I recall, his Dad. Anyway... seems I'm most welcome. (And I sent a text to Dorothy to ensure that nobody from Newburgh will be there. She says she doesn't plan on seeing them. I hope not.) So? I might have to leave here by about 6.00 next week, or, if I can get my shit together (as it were, considering recent health events) earlier, I'll do that too. But seriously, it probably shouldn't be any later than 6.00 at this point. We'll roll along and see what comes of it. Meanwhile, it was GREAT talking with Brian. - On to the “common shit of Shitholia” an the continuing bull-shit of “Justin and Kelly”. (Fuck: Jess and Kerry... Justin and Kelly... this bodes evil.) Out of no-where, at 21.41 a text arrives (I shall quote the thread): “Ok when I called the dish folks they said they would call before they came but I think they only have my house phone #.I left Justin a message & he said they could come any time & they could go up & set his cable up even if he was sleeping. If you see them could you tell them to go upstairs. Thanks.” I replied: “Yep (for Dish) Did the electrician call you?” Came the response: “No! Did you see him? (sad face emoji)”. Me: “No.” followed with “Dish guy shouldn't have any trouble. Kelly's up there.” *Mind, this is at about 22.00... I mentioned Kelly to let the old thing know that her 2nd tenant is in residence but... dense as she fucking is... came the reply “Ok but I'm not sure he'll know it's upstairs!” And to finish it all off, my last post (which received no response) “Well maybe since it's her TV service, she should see to it that she's there to meet'n'greet the nice man.” 22.07... and nothing further. Imagine the fucking audacity of expecting ME to cooperate and coordinate even MORE services for those two who are, almost in violation of the terms of a lease already! Getting their free TV, heat, hot water, gas, electric, water, sewer, trash removal, grounds maintenance AND WiFi! Yeah, right, NO! As I've stated... “enough is enough and too much has already been surpassed. (I'd mentioned to Pammie that she might want to mention the potential abuse to Mme. since Mme. makes it all too clear that she thinks little-to-nothing of me and my opinion... assuring Pammie and Davie that I'm merely looking-out for her best interest but anyway...) So... tomorrow should be rather interesting. I might just toddle up to Cowansville. I have to get to the banque for US$ and I have to get smokes... carbiners for the truck... things. The little ones are OK for a few hours during the day... GEE! I just lost track of time... sorry (not) that I wasn't present to meet'n'greet and throw down the red carpet, serve the canapés and champagne, strike up the band. Fuck. - AND... all through this... tonight was rather spiffy on Gab. The elections got people inspired, I suppose. Much communicating. I have to must say though, I DO believe there's a concerted effort to bring the platform down again with all the anti-Semitism and general bull-shit. Though, there were several posts condemning all the anti-Semitism. The results are yet to be seen. Indeed. And taking into consideration the truly sickening results of today's elections... (Cong & Sen: Red... House: Blue and the little Socialist idiot elected in the South Bronx), I've little-to-no doubt that the free voices of America are about to face an out-right war. (Not to mention, the local results which keep Bernie in the Sen., Scott in the gov. and the whole state staying Blue. Though the Repubs made a some-what impressive collection of votes... considering. - IN CLOSING... a QUITE LATE NIGHT AGAIN (I'm blaming the election and my curiosity) BUT...
I RESEARCHED “KIDNEY STONES” TO FIND THAT SYMPTOMS INCLUDE WHAT I'VE BEEN REFERRING TO AS MY “EPISODES” (that got me into the ER), MUSLCE SPAMS... IN THE LEGS, PAIN ON THE SIDE OF THE KIDNEY WITH THE TROUBLE, FATIGUE AND, GENERALLY THE VERY SYMPTOMS I KEEP GETTING EVERY TIME THIS PARTICULAR PAIN COMES ALONG. TREATMENT? WATER, WATER, WATER, AND... WATER. (I remember hearing that strong coffee can cause kidney stones and eating too much fat. Let's face it... my coffee? 4 cups in a gulp and the fat... well... it's been years of living off that.) IT'S TRULY “FLUSH TIME”!!! AND WE'LL SEE HOW THAT WORKS OUT.
Meanwhile...

And now it's 2.11 on Wed.07.Nov: and I'm going to be shitty miserable when I have to be awake at 8.00 to let the little ones out. - It is 9.35 and I'm just in from hauling a tiny bag of garbage to the curb. Ah, but... this morning's GREATEST news: GREAT BM! WOOHOO AT LAST! CLEANSING! Not pure liquid, but SO MUCH GONE! Do I feel any better for it? Well... the votes are still being tallied. But “spiritually”, yes, indeed, I do. - Still quite windy out there. Clouds above and mud below. More rain in the forecast and I'm plotting course for smokes at some point during the day (and carbiners for Mme. and me to weight the trucks). I'll have to find something to weigh mine... especially before next Thursday morn, as it appears I shall be traversing in “neige”... oh, jut fuck me delightfully. - Anyway, I am remiss and was remiss in including the particulars of yesterday, and I suppose there was “potentially good” news so I shall endeavour to bring yesterday up to-date this morn. After that? I doubt it makes much difference. - (I'm still rather pissed-off about Mme. asking ME to make sure her mooch's television service is installed. But... I'll make no concessions. Enough is enough and we've far surpassed “too much” already. If SHE wants to be their mommie-so-dearest, that's HER concern, not mine. And... Ms. Kelly isn't here this morn. She left at about 8.45.) - 10.22 McCuin's here to clean the boiler (of course... they were supposed to be here Monday “between 4 and 5”... Vermont... what a fucking waste-land). - 10.28 and we're up to date with the Journal. Posting time. It does no good on the lap-top. - 10.41 and all is up-dated on-line as the little feller from McCuins' cleans the furnace. - 20.55 Heading for the much-needed shower. A day of nothing... quite literally. At about 15.30 I was going to head to Bedford but, considering the closed border, I decided I'll rather go and be subjected to the fuckery, tomorrow morning. So I fixed a pea soup, last of the bread with a bit of butter and there... “meal”. Then ice cream (which I MUST replace tomorrow!) and a snooze. I've done a quite a bit of that all day. But then, considering the 4 or 5 hours of sleep last night, I suppose it's justified. - Got the floors Hoovered though... just now. - A really rather perfect day for travel today... and tomorrow looks good too. Ah... but NEXT week at this time... SNOW in the forecast. Alas... typical. - I swear the pains have been kidney stone(s). I'm drinking hot water through the day and just had a mug of cold water. I'm “flushing”. Or at least trying to. (Oh... the herring is done too. So much for the child-hood flavours.) Anyway, let's just hope all is perfectly well for next week. I'm still debating about making the reservation in Nbg. since I can't really be certain I'll make the trip and I can't really afford to lose that kind of money. - Plans: take 300 out of the account, get smokes and the carbiners tomorrow. If Mme. makes the reservation, I'll give her the cash. I'm taking NO “charity” from her. - Anyway... time to get ready for the wind-down of the night. The house and the room are pleasantly warm. There's wood in the stove and in the kitchen... for tomorrow... for the week. My work is done. - Oh... and the TV fellow? Never showed. But the furnace is clean... 3 days late. - 23.00 on the dot and I'm just out of a rather, some-what “scrubbing” SHOWER! AT LAST! AND... REALTIVELY PAIN-FREE! “RELATIVELY”. There are remnants. But this is the first night in over 2 weeks that I can sit here, at this table, with-out the back-brace. Water. Water. Water. Water. FLUSH! FLUSH IT ALL OUT! What-ever it may be. - Of note though: there wasn't enough hot water to take the full shower. No, it wasn't exceptionally long. But a double scrub and the final rinse was rather tepid. AND... there's nobody else in the house. Hmmmm.... I've resolved to say NOTHING at all about ANY of this. Just keep it noted here. To say anything makes no sense, does no good, leads only to more enmity. Not to mention, the annoyance and aggravation of knowing it all gets spun into something never intended. Still... It's about the light on the stairs, the hot water now, the “extra” person, and who knows what else. Heat. Hot water. Gas. Electric. Television. Now WiFi. Washer. Dryer. Can have air conditioning. Grounds maintenance (snow removal to come). Sewer. Garbage. And I get A ROOM, with ONE window and a door to porch access, 9ftx14ft with about 4ft of walking space. A space heater (on the electric). No air conditioning NOR ventilation in hot weather. I have kitchen 3 days per week. I store my food in the room. I keep my toiletries in the room. The balance is... well... non-existent. “Christian”. “Catholic”. Never mind. Best to keep it all where it belongs: right here and no-where else. - Well... down to 2 smokes in this pack. 2 more packs in the truck, but I don't want to get into them just yet. I'll have to head out early tomorrow morning to get the running done. No problem, so long as it's a relatively pain-free day... at least in the morning. - Time for a bit of reading. - I hope Ms. Hallie is OK. I think she wanted to go out again at about 20.00 or so and I wasn't having it. She'd been out at 19.00 and pee'ed. But she often just goes out and disappears, and in the dark... besides, at 20.00 I was tired already. I'll suppose that, if she needs to “go” during the night, I'll just have to clean it up in the morning. I don't mind. - Off to bed... to read a bit and hopefully, to sleep through the night... pain-free.

Thu.08.Nov: 8.04 If I were to wake one morning, with absolutely no pain any-where, I would know that I'd died the night before. - It was lights-out at 0.13 and up with the 7.00 alarm, to doze, and up at the 7.30 alarm and UP. And now the little ones are fed and out, the stove is burning, I've had coffee and 1 each: vit.C, naproxen, vit.K. No back brace (yet). And it's a bit on the chilly side at 4° (I know this because it's 40F on the porch). The night? With the exception of one run to the “pinkler”, at about 2.30, a sleep-through. Water. Imagine. The “cure”. Or not. We shall see. But at least it was a night of sleeping through. This morning? I feel no particular “rush” to get on the road. Ah, how I remember the days when driving along would have been incentive to keep the old body moving. These days? Not so much. Hopefully, I'll find the carbiners at Rona today, and if so, I'll stop at the little pharmacie in Bedford for vit.K and have done with it all. If not? Cowansville. Smokes are cheaper there, but it's the time and gas. Oh well. - Looks like this morning would have been a great day to take to the roads for the Catskills. Alas, 'tis not to be. Oh well. The lyrics of the saga of my opera. - And so, time to see what's to come out of all that I took in yesterday. There shouldn't be much but, 'tis to be seen. - At least there aren't any “messages” to annoy (yet). - Along we go. The floor needs mopping and I need to dress. - 11.14 Floors Hoovered and mopped. Dishes all put up. Fire in the stove. Mail retrieved. The house is in order... until the first 10 minutes after the return of the tornado... which is about to happen... probably later today. She's in no particular rush. No responsibilities here. But I've done today to make me feel proud. - Now... to get my shit together and get MY errands accomplished. Let's see how THAT rolls along. - 11.37 and she's rolled in. Let the shit-flying commence! - 20.17 WELL... let's do the latest and work from there. At about 1.00-ish, I headed out... to Enosburgh. Dolalr store where I had to buy 2 bottles of “Purel” at 3$ each for the pump bottles. (I've just taken the labels off, got the glue off with WD40 and dish soap. They're clean. One for the “Alpen” and the other for some “Algemarin” I'm thinking. 6$ fucked. Then, to Hannaford's to replace the ice cream that I'd eaten... at about 7,-something$. OK. Fine. At least, when I got back at about 18.30, she saw that I'd replaced it and I got the opportunity to say “I'm not a mooch. If I eat it, I replace it.” (Of course, it means nothing to her. She'll be shitting on me anyway. But at least it's known.) - She'd already cooked (4 pieces of salmon, rice and green beans) AND she'd already eaten! So I simply said “I'm not hungry.” and proceeded to wash the pots and pans and clean the stove. My “work” is done. The kitchen is fucked, of course, with dirt on the floor, dishes on the floor, but I don't care. - She also said to let her know of my choice of motel for next week. If she can't put it on a card, she'll give me the cash. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that I don't want her money, and that I'd gone to the banque to get money. “I'll give you more.” said she. “No.” said I, “I won't take it.” “I don't want you sleeping in the truck. It's too cold.” said she. I let it ride. (Meanwhile, I'm thinking: I hope like fucking HELL that I can get a room! But... if not... well then... I'll sleep in the truck or just head back up on Thursday night and will have to see Dennis at some other date... if we're both still alive. I can't hold onto all of this shit. It either works out or it doesn't. Period. I'm in no mood, nor mind-set.) - OK. So, that covered that. And so, she's off to bed because she's off to work tomorrow. I'm having my hot water. - On my travels, before going to Hannaford's, I'd gone to Bedford. Took only... ONLY the ID I needed and nothing more and the crossing was the usual gal who just swiped the card and away I was rolling! Stopped at the dép and they didn't have a carton, but the gal knew, right away, what I wanted. She apologised for not having the carton. I said I'd wait... and headed up to the old “Sonic”, expecting to pay considerably more BUT... LO! It was alost 3$ LESS! I SAVED MONEY THERE! And I chatted with the nice lady at the cashe to learn that Mme.'s family sold the place only yesterday. (When I got back, I told her about it. Funny... now I've got “latest news” from Québec... and about her family. Imaginez-vous!) Happily, I left here and went to the banque and got 300USD at the guichet, and chatted with the ladies. The rate was almost 4-cents OVER the official rate! That's THEIR fee. But, I have it. AND it left me with quite a bit in the account so I then stopped at Metro and got some “cakes” and apple juice, yoghurt for me and for Mme. (just so I didn't come back with nothing for her... though I'll be called “selfish” anyway. Still... I did it. Done.) That done, on to Rona where I got 4 carbiners and a telephone wire to move the router to where I hope it will give me better signal in the room here. (Hopefully, the cord will work. I'll set it up tomorrow. If it doesn't work... 5CAD fucked. But I'll have tried.) - Coming back across (with hard-ware and smokes and groceries), the gal came out, all nice. “Good after-noon. Where do you live? Down the road?” Indeed! When I told her why I'd gotten the carbiners she said “Now THAT'S Vermont ingenuity!” I said “One flaw... I'm from Noo Yawk. By boit!” Chatted momentarily about the change in VT and I was off and rolling... carton of smokes and all. Tah-dah! Figures... I'd prepped for the worst. Well? Next time... no doubt. - I came back to the house between Bedford and Enosburgh but apparently, she didn't even notice that I'd left. Odd... she was in the living-room, in the royal recliner, and the truck was right out-side the window. Dense, that one... hopelessly dense. So that's why she'd cooked and eaten? I don't know. I don't really care, to be honest. - And so, as I say, she cooked, she ate, I cleaned the fucking mess. This day is done... and so too, am I, for the most part. Having my second hot water. I've a bottle of “Honeycrisp” apple juice to wash down a pastry or 2. GOT to keep the kidneys flushing! - Not really too tired at the moment and it's truly HOT in this room tonight. She must have put the furnace up. But I'm not complaining. - Nice... tomorrow I'll try to put some weight into the bed of my truck, test my theory out a bit. And I can shower! She'll be back by about 19.00, she says. So I'll be ready for or in bed. Have to get into a better routine in case I DO get to get out of here on Thursday next... MAYBE I can be out of here and well on the road by 6.00. That would be nice. (If I didn't have to take care of the little ones, I'd lead even earlier... though, the forecast is for miserable weather on Tuesday and Wednesday... It figures.) - OK. A touch of soc.med., a pastry and off to bed! - Made it through the evening with Mme. Accomplishment. AND... made my errands! - 22.18 and the day is done. I've finished ALL 6 of the little pastries (because they're mostly air anyway, half of the apple juice and pee'ed once... the colour of the apple juice. Time to wrap this shit up. - 23.13 IT'S A DAMNED GOOD THING I DIDN'T HEAD TO THE CATSKILLS TODAY! I'M JUST BACK FROM THE SECOND *BLAST* OF “CLEANSING”!!! MAYBE IT WAS THE “KREMA” YOUGHURT OR THE APPLE JUICE OR THE PASTRIES OR THE COMBINATION OF ALL BUT... WOW!!! PURE LIQUID! MY INSIDES ARE CLEANING... C.L.E.A.N.S.I.N.G. LIKE THEY'VE NEVER CLEANSED BEFORE! The first was a bit of an “emergency rush”... just a bit of a “boom” and I thought I was empty. I came back into the room, poured the “Aspen” into the “new” bottle and just as I started to work with the “Algemarin” it was NO JOKE! So I BOLTED back to the loo and, arriving JUST in time... *BLAST*... PURE LIQUID! No gas, just a RUSH of EVERYTHING! I MEAN TO SAY THAT *THIS* WAS *IMPRESSIVE*! I can't recall EVER having such a cleansing as THIS! Even as I type... there are “sounds of motion below”. Gurgling. Churning. Whining. Motion. My back isn't much better, to speak of, but just knowing that EVERYTHING is simply RUSHING out is really rather comforting. So it's really a DAMNED GOOD THING that I didn't leave today. Lord only knows where I might have been when this HIT! But now, here, in the warmth of this little room, close to the loo, I'm feeling... RELIEVED! And if it continues, I'm not complaining. Now, maybe tomorrow, I can finish the “Cream of Potato” soup, then the “Cream of Cremini and Shitake Mushroom” soup and then, back to some kind of “regular”, semi or solid food... to work my way back to “normal”. Meanwhile... WHAT A RELIEF! - And it's nice to have my “washings” in pump bottles too. But the rest of the night is going to be interesting... I wonder if there will be more “BOLTS”, or will I be able to simply snooze away the night. At least I don't have to worry about getting breakfast for the little ones tomorrow... maybe I can “rest” for a bit. After all... I'm going to try to put sand-bags in the truck. Try my theory on my truck and hope it works. Then, prep sand-bags for Mme. and get hers in when she gets back from work tomorrow night. Each bag is 60lbs... 120 total. And Caleb suggested 100lbs total. So... good to have the little extra. And Mme. says it does make a difference. We shall see. (Old bat.) - OK! I'll give this all a few more moments, just to see where it's going, and then head to the bed. WOW! Just WOW!

Fri.09.Nov: 10.28 And... feeling a touch “not with my-self” this morning, in spite of just having completed “Task 1” du jour: I've moved the router to the wall between kitchen and dining room. (And, of note, whilst I was so-doing, the fucking phone tried, on it's own, to establish service with Verizon! I hadn't touched the fucker, but when I looked at it, set on the dining table, it had dialed and was attempting to engage! I fucking HATE some technology today.) That said... I heard Mme. fucking about with the stove this morning, early at what-ever o'clock, and dozed back off. Slept through the night after the “Blow-out”, and on the right side too (which was the “correct” side that I wanted, since I'm trying not to sleep on the painful side, in the hopes that what-ever it is that's causing the pain will drain to the other side and thus, through the system and out... NOT, mind, that I believe that it will have anything to do with the pain, that remains, I add this morning. But if we don't try, we don't know.) - At about 8.53 I was up and about... the little ones had been fed, according to note on the kitchen table. How White of her. (Meanwhile, cardboard boxes under the table and the empty jug from the dish detergent sitting right beside the back door... she has to pass the recycling bin on exiting, but, never mind... too much for that old brain to handle.) - I suppose the roughly 8-9 hours of “sleep” (if we can call it that) should suffice. But this morning, I've had a coffee (3 not 4 to the mug) and done the do, and feeling rather “not with my-self”. It's not an “episode”... just slightly “following me” instead of being “one”. Dehydration? Malnourishment? Touch of the flu? Septicaemia? What-ever it is... I'm sticking with the soups for today and tomorrow... continue the “flushing” with water, water, water and see what happens. Should get back to regularly scheduled programming by Sunday, Monday at the very latest. There's a journey to be made on Thursday morn... and I truly must-to-should make that (for what-ever reason there might be). - OK! I'm rather frightened of putting anything in my stomach this morning, but, better here than else-where. Let's roll... (I also have to work on the sand-bags for the trucks today.... It's chilly out there... not TOO awful. 1° as I see it. Grey... but then, it's November.) KADIMA! (I suppose.) - 18.26 AND... I got 4 sand-bags wrapped in chicken-wire, and used guy-wire to attach 2 to my truck and the other 2 patiently await, in my truck, to be transferred to Mme.'s truck. Got the 8 squashes from the back stoop into the composter (since they really aren't any good for consuming). Cleaned that little mess up. Tried to put a shingle on the little bird-house but there isn't a fucking staple gun in the place that's a “real” staple gun... just the “little staples”. Really, there are about 5 of them... none of them worth the money that was pissed-away on them. Typical of this place though. - “Meal” at 16.00: potato soup and hot water. Having another hot water even as I type this. Seriously... the caloric in-take is horrendous. But, I still have pain in the side and, well, we'll see how it runs along. There's one more tin of “mushroom” soup for tomorrow. I'll have to check and see what I should eat between then and Thursday morning. Thinking I might get a Thermos... one for soup, one for hot water, to take on the trip (IF) on Thursday. Which reminds me: I need to plan my packing for this thing. I'm still un-sure about the motel. But the only “concern” is Dennis. Ah well... I haven't heard a word in days so, perhaps I'm just being “concerned” about nothing worth the “concern”. If it turns out that I sleep in the truck, so be it. There's the “Truck Stop” out by Lakeside Rd. Surely I could “crash” there for a few hours on Thursday night. It's on the way into Newburgh, IF I'm going to see Dennis at all on Friday. Convenient. - Anyway, there's more wood stacked in the kitchen, and the stove is STUFFED. The floors got Hoovered. I watched TV for an hour. And now? Well... it would be nice to have some help this evening, putting the sand-bags into Mme.'s truck (I doubt I'll get any). And then... shower and get ready for bed. I dread having her about the place. And right now, I could go to bed. But I'd like to shower a bit before and so, am waiting to move sand-bags and then... shower and to bed. Nothing to do tomorrow. (Oh... I got today's mail too. May as well toss that in on the list.) I'll probably get the packing done then. I need to put a “play-list” together for the trip as well. (I'm thinking of driving up with Neil Diamond on the tunes, but I don't think I have any on the iPod. Shame I don't have good speakers, but... fukkit.) - PS: No ice cream tonight. I put half a stick of butter in the soup. And I'd left MY butter in the fridge! And yes, it was discovered and yes, I've removed it and IF anything is said, I simply say: I don't want to take space in “your” fridge. It's in the room, by the door. Probably should be put on the porch (like last year, Winter). - 21.50 This day is DONE! I've had enough. Soc.med. turned almost sour. Most replies were attacks on Gab (again). Oh well. Strangers. Of no importance. Minds is quiet, but that doesn't usually kick-in until later anyway. - Meanwhile, “me”. A bowl of potato soup and a couple swigs of apple juice and oddly, I'm not famished. I'll have to check my weigh on next shower (which I'm not taking tonight because... well... I could use one but I just don't want to be bothered. Part of the “luxury” of being here: Not being able to bathe at will.) - Mme. rolled in round 19.00 and I told her “Don't take your shoes off. Come help me get the sand-bags into your truck.” and we did. It was dark already so I'll have to “tie them down” tomorrow. But she thanked me and as my “reward”, asked if I'd like a hamburger. I would have, but I want to keep the “cleansing” going one more day. Tomorrow is mushroom soup. Monday, I'll actually “eat” something... If there's something to eat and I get to the market. (2,80 in FS and 21 in cash on the card. I'll ponder.) - Other-wise, I could use the sleep so I'll try for some tonight.

Sat.10.Nov: The double-digit days commence. The month approaches mid... and then disappears. - 8.48 and at about 8.20, for some un-known reason, I simply “rolled into position and sat up, ready to get out of bed”. I had no intention of getting up and out of bed at that hour. There's nothing on the agenda, save, tie-down the sand-bags in Mme.'s truck. I could have, might have, probably should have stayed in bed until about 9.00 or later. But... by 8.26, I was sitting at table, checking the forecast for the day. (Wednesday “high” minus 6, Wednesday night “low” minus 7, “resentie” minus 15. How delightful. Thursday “high” and “low”... zero... here. Thursday, Monticello: Sun, 3 high, low minus 2 and “resentie” zero. The trip should have been this week passed. But no... Oh... never mind.) - I'm rather concerned at this point, having heard nothing from Dennis. I wonder about his Aunt. I wonder about him. I shouldn't. But I'll say here and now: Contingency plans are being made. (Note: I couldn't, for the life of me, remember the word “contingency”! My vocabulary is slipping away... with the rest of my mind, I suppose. Tried to look it up on-line and, well, even the Internet is being dumbed-down. This world is a complete farce.) Anyway, at this juncture, if I make the trip at all, I'll get to Monticello, stay a few hours and head out. If I hear from Dennis between now and when I leave, I'll see whether or not we'll visit Nbg. If I don't hear... I'll simply get back on the road and head back North. If I get tired? There are rest areas along the Northway. If I don't get tired... I'll be back North by 3.00 on Friday. No sweat. No prob. Roll along... as I always have done. (I'm almost hoping for the latter... no motel involved.) - Anyway... anyway... my back is still sore. This pain seems to be the “permanent” one. Last night, thought: May as well get used to and accept the fact that this will be here for the duration of life-time. Lump in lung and pain in back. “The time” has arrived. It's not going to “get better” from here forward. OK. Fine. - And so, 22.00-8.00, 10 hours of “sleep” last night and I still feel like going back to bed. But I won't. Why bother? But I did sleep through the night, as I recall. One “pee-break” at about mid-night and nothing more. No spasms. That's really all that matters these days. - Well folks? On with what-ever this day will be. It's raining right now... and there's a bucket of stove-ash set just out-side the porch door where the rain will run off the roof and into it... turning the bucket of ash into a bucket of MUD. And if that happens? She's lost an ash-bucket because it will remain that way until such time when SHE empties it because I told her, only Monday past, that, leaving the bucket in the rain will turn ash to mud. Yep... the bucket will stay. I'll not clean up after her on this matter. (I do so with the rest of this shit-heap... and THAT, only because of my own comfort. Bloody fucking retard, that one.) - Such a joyful commencement to a day. Fuck. - 22.07 LATER, MUCH LATER than I'd hoped to be in bed and I've just eaten 3 Weetabix and shouldn't go to right to bed. But having had only that last tin of mushroom soup, tossing the larger piece of mushroom, followed by 2 mugs of water (I ate the soup directly from the tin... I'm going to regret that), I was quite hungry tonight. But I followed the Weetabix with 2 more mugs of water (and will have a third, before going to bed, to be sure to dilute EVERYTHING). If tonight is OK... tomorrow morning is going to be HELL... I've no doubt. - Well, the day has passed and I spent most of it sorting through new music for the iPod. “Neil Diamond” collection... in case I get to roll into Monticello. And a few more Québec country tunes just because I happened upon them. It kept me from “confrontations”... Mme. was in all day, “getting her house together”... like that's going to make any difference. Yeah... “getting the house together” and the fucking kitchen is PACKED with papers (that will go into the stove and I'll have to shovel out AGAIN), and cardboard boxes!!! She takes it all for granted that the hisenigger will clean-up after her. Entitled princess. Makes me sick at this point. (I guess that's why she gave me an envelope... with cash in it... I didn't open in and I'm pondering a way to simply return it, perhaps with a note saying that I didn't “earn” it and can't accept it. Honestly... more trouble than any of this is worth. Yes, I could use the extra. But my damned ethics get in the way. Oh well... What matters most is whether or not *I* can live with my-self and NOT the “feelings” of others. - Anyway... in other news: I haven't heard a word from Dorothy nor from Dennis in DAYS. I'm planning, at this point, to try the trip to Monticello on Thursday morning (though the temperatures are supposed to be brutal on Wednesday night) and just returning that night. As it is, I'll most likely have to take the Thruway to Nbg and out. - 23.12 and it gets later and later but that's OK. Helps the food “settle”. - ANYWAY... I got a reply from Dorothy when I asked about Brian's house number and I remembered it! I'll be damned (probably). AND I looked for the routes to get there. In case I lose the post-it thingie:
87 to Middletown to the Quickway is 347mi at 5h39m
87 to 17K to the Quickway is 342mi at 5h45m
87 to New Paltz to the Libertyville Rd which becomes Bruynswick to 52 to the Burlingham Rd to the Quickway
(Then I'd have to rely on my old instincts in Bloomingburgh to get to the Quickway OR I'd have to loop onto the Quickway East and then get off IN Bloomingburgh to get back on the Quickway West...)
is 333mi at 5h44m
Looks like the “fastest” route is 87/84/Quickway, but the “shortest” route is through Bruynswick/New Prospect. So there are options. Of course, the weather will dictate the entire trip. And if I come back on Thursday night, I'll just take the Quickway to 84 back to the Thruway. At least there'll be places to “rest' over-night on that route. Oh well... anyway. - So I took a screen-cap of Dingle Daisy and cropped it, notated with what I think are the old compound, the old Albrecht place and Brian's. Sent it off to Dorothy via “text”. It'll be fun to see the reaction... maybe tomorrow. - Of note: Internet was SLOW this evening. I'll suppose Mr. Justin is “entertaining” (or amusing) him-self via Internet until his TV is installed (which, I'm to understand, will be Thursday... in my absence). This is general bull-shit. I mean... the Twats had their own phone and Internet. Mme. is giving the entire lot away! But... I don't suppose it's any of my business... really. I just need to re-focus on getting the actual fuck out of and away from here! SOON! - So... just in from a smoke. The temperature is down to zero with “ressentie” of about minus 4. The wind's have died-down a touch. And I'm going to work on putting the music on the iPod. Tomorrow, I have to get started with planning the packing for Thursday! - Pee S: just pee'd and it's quite light and perfectly clear. A couple more days of this “flushing” should put things in a proper order. I don't expect the pain to go away, but at least I'll know my “system” is “flushed”. - Oh well... on to the music!

Sun.11.Nov: 1.05 I JUST finished the iPod additions! Now... I have to check the “manifest”, as it were, and make a Playlist for the travel. - Peeing quite nicely tonight. I've had more water in the past few days, and now, it “leaves” almost as quickly as when it's “taken”. But... FLUSH! There's still pain, but at least it's no immobilising. - Well? On to trying for some sleep. HAH! - I'm hungry. I miss my muchies... and my V-TONS! - 8.41 HAD TO PEE! So I'm up. But the pee? Same clear, light colour as last night. Good news. But pain? Still with us this morning. Alas. - Just looking at the météo: minus 3 out there this morning... And Wed? -6, ressentie -13, “variable” -9 on Wed. night. “variable”. JEUDI? -1/-4 (ressentie -4) “GÉNÉRALMENT ENSOLEILLÉ” Nuit: -5... And then we have Vendredi.... with ZÉRO, ressentie -2, Nuit -2 AND..... *** NEIGE *** 10 FUCKING cms! AND NEIGE ON SAMEDI AUSSI! (Oh... and Dimanche as well.) Yep... LAST week would have been PERFECT travel and visiting weather but... as I've always said and continue to do:
When in the process of planning for ANY event in life, as long as you can say *I*, all will be well, BUT... the very second you utter the word *WE*? IT'S ALL FUCKED!
And so, with that delight in mind... we commence with the day. (At least I got a response from Dorothy when I sent this morning's message asking if my “map” of last night is even “close”. Ah... the reply? “It was definitely cold yesterday. I'm still cold.” JEEZUS KRISTE! ANOTHER “Mme.”! It makes me wonder, for a moment: Is it REALLY THEM? Or is it ME?) - 13.38 Got my “list” of music... now to MAKE the play-list. But I'm rather hungry and sleepy and the house is quiet, Mme. going through her junk mail. The sun is shining. I could go get Thermoses. It's cold. I'm just going to take a nap. - 24.28 Well... I took the nap until about 15.00 so I did not errands or much of anything other than compose the play-list and, a mere hour or so ago, got it onto the iPod. Great waste of a day, I'd say. - Meanwhile, I had a bit of paté chinois for “meal”. Not very much, because it's actually the first “solid” I've taken in about a week or more. But the Weetabix from last night haven't come through yet and, well, I'm a bit concerned... unless my poor body is pulling EVERYTHING it can get out of them. - The pain is still very much with me. But I'm “flushing” quite well. - It was a rather nice day, all told, with a some-what limited exposure to the house-hold. - Sad news: Mr. Dimballs up-stairs is pulling on the WiFi... noticably. Even Mme.'s phone wouldn't function. She claims she's going to address the situation and tell him to get a phone and his own WiFi (I doubt that). Meanwhile... what-ever. - Well... - I JUST opened the envelope that Jacquie had given me. 160$ in it with thanks for taking care of “the little ones” and other work. I told her earlier that I couldn't accept it because I didn't earn it and she insisted that I did because she couldn't have gone to Florida nor could she look forward to helping her Maryrose with her moving to Ottawa (Thanksgiving week) because putting Hallie into a kennel would kill her. Well? I suppose... But, thankfully, there are items that she needs (door alarm, a switch to control the router, some electrical items... especially for the Christmas lights and such) and I'll use the money to get those things for her and the house. (I always DO manage to get the money back to her... one way or another.) I appreciate the cash... she says it's to help with gas for my trip. (The gas alone was/is/will be about 150$.) Anyway... - As for the trip: looks like I'll be back on Friday morning. No stopping in Nbg. No word from Dennis. So? Not a prob. - But for now, it's going for 1.00 on Monday and I need a bit of rest. (Wish I could venture a v-ton but I've nothing to eat with so... perhaps tomorrow night.)

Mon.12.Nov: 0.48 and off to bed... some reading... hopefully some sleep. Another glass of water, to wake me in the middle of the night/morning. I wonder if all the water isn't putting a strain on the kidney too. Hmpf. Always something. Oh well... at least what's coming out is almost the same colour as what's going in. I'm rather “cleansed”. - 1.35 Tried clearing space on the fucking phone, moved ALL the photos to the lap-top and found that there are old entries to the Journal from 2017 on there! Now, I have to manually send all 77 (that remain) via e-mail and delete! Started. Too damned involved for this hour of the morning. FUCK! Anyway... NOW will try for sleep! Fuck! - 9.35 Fine. Just getting out of bed. But I woke out of the strangest DREAM, and since I'm documenting everything here (especially now, these days, when the attitudes, responses and opinions of others don't make a damned bit of a difference anyway, and will soon be of absolutely no consequence to me, I'm going to document it. (Also, because I don't understand why, in Hell's name I should have such a dream... these days.)
I don't recall how it began, but there I was, laying on the floor of this room... it was “my” bed-room, and at the same time it wasn't. But I was on the floor, beside a bed. In the bed, two people, one of whom was my “Lover”, a combination of Lou and Walter, if one can imagine that. And HE was with some other guy. They were “at it full course”, the “other guy” giving my Lover a furious blow-job! They were extremely involved, as if I wasn't present at all. And as I laid on the floor, barely witnessing the matter, I was thinking that it should be ME up there, with MY Lover! (I wasn't unaware of them, nor were they unaware of me, so I don't know how the situation actually “became”.) Suddenly, there was a frantic tussle of the duvet, my Lover shoved the other guy off of him just at the moment he came and rather copious gobs went flying about, all over the bed and over the side and onto my face! And I woke.
And there we have it. Quite the interesting start to a new day. And when I woke, I wasn't “erect”... there was nothing “sexual” about the dream, obviously. I just wonder what brought this all on. Well... stranger dreams have brought me into a new day. Maybe I'll figure it all out... maybe I won't. We shall see... or not. - 19.23 She left at about 16.00. I ate 4 scrambled eggs and some cottage cheese, had ice cream after and just had some apple-thing that she tossed together after having baked an apple pie... for work. She'd asked me it it looked OK and I told her that if it wasn't for me, I don't care. So she took the extra crust, tossed in some apples and called it “for you”. Yeah. And THAT AFTER I'd gone down to ACE Hardware from 11.00 to 15.00 and bought (with the 160 she'd given me), 2 light bulbs for the lights by the wood-stove (9,99), door alarm (9,99), 6 outlet grounded tap (22,99), “feed-through cord switch (6,59), 3 outlet grounded outlet (5,99) and some little shit (like the cedar spray I've been looking for forever) and a couple of “feed-through cord switches). All totalled? 73,95. HALF of what she'd given me and MOST of it went right back to her. Never mind. - When I walked back into the house, I got right to work on the 6-outlets, removing all the wires from the floor and the clutter. Then, replaced the bulbs. (And the bulbs work but the fixtures are fucked... either that or the switch but I don't give a shit. The electrician was here this morning and now he's done and I don't give a shit about the rest... MY work is done.) The I spliced the switch into the extension cord and got that all together so now, I can turn the router off when I damned well want. (She's backed out of telling Mr. Dimwit to get his own Internet, but I knew that was going to happen. She's a fucking disgrace. Lying, fucking disgrace.) - And so... she fucked about the kitchen, leaving the house in the usual fucking mess and toddled off. - Meanwhile, at 18.00 I hauled more wood into the kitchen for her, and for me for the next couple of days. Then, Hoovered the floors, washed the dishes and put them up, washed my sherpa sweat-shirt and jammies. - I've just sent a text message to Dennis telling him that I won't be in Nbg on Thursday night. I haven't heard from him and I'm not going to “try” to get there and “hope” to see him. I don't have a motel room for the night and it's too late to go through all that shit now. Besides, I'm not in the mood at this juncture. So... no packing worries or troubles. I can sack all of that nonsense. As it stands, I'll hope for good weather on Thursday morning, hopefully leave very early, take my time, go see Dorothy for a few hours and head back to this shit-hole. No, I'm not “thrilled” about it all, but it is what it is and perhaps there's a reason why it's turned the way it has. I'm letting it all go. - At least the house is as “orderly” as it could ever be. - OH! Pam sold the old oars for 25$ (so she tells). At least THEY'RE gone and out of my way. Now, to sell the rest of the shit that I've accumulated. THAT would be delightful. May as well... I don't see me around much longer. - The pain in my side is less today. It's the moving about that helps. I'll have to keep moving until Thursday. - And so... time to wind this day down. Hallie has to go out once more. I NEED a SHOWER and a “tidy me up”. It's been too long and, quite truthfully, I'm not smelling all too friendly of late. (I even went to ACE today, smelly and not bathed. Just got dressed and headed out the door. Imagine... how low I've managed to come over the years. Tough shit. Don't care. Can't care.) - 22.22 SHOWERED! AND WEIGHED (and after eating all the pie and ice cream and the eggs and cottage cheese... 173lbs. So I DID lose weight the past 2 weeks. Oh well.) Clothes are finally in the wash. The little ones are on sofa (Minou) and in bed (Hallie). The lights are on so I have to put them out. But now I'm trying to decide whether or not I want a v-ton. I believe I might give one a try... LIGHT... ONE... and see how I feel in the morning. - No word from Mme. (I sent her a message about being back on Friday morning.) Nor from Dennis. I don't expect any from Dorothy. So... my plans are to leave by about 6.00 on Thursday. And if not? Not. I can't be so bollocksed about this shit at this point. - 23.53 One v-ton and some soc.med. and now? To bed! (With, of course, the pain.)

Tue.13.Nov: 4.14 SPASMS AND SHIT! - 4.39 I'm sitting here at the table, fully dressed for the day, and RE-SHOWERED! Jammies in the washer. And rolling as if it's “normal” for being up at this hour (again). I was in bed by mid-night. Up at about 2.00 with SPASMS in feet and legs. Off to the loo to pee, light-coloured. Back to bed with residual pain. Up again at about 3.00, back to the loos to pee, light-coloured. Back to bed with a bit more residual pain. THEN at 4.00... UP AGAIN WITH SPASMS, and to the loo BUT THIS TIME, I noticed a bit of an ODOUR, and a “sensation” in my pants. Put my hand down in, brought it to my nose and.... SHIT! I'D SHAT! Only but a bit, but enough to put a bit of a “mark” on the pants! And my arse-hole was covered! How interesting is THAT? So, of course, the pants had to be washed, and, so too, my arse. Gather clothes and off to the shower. May as well. If nothing else, it'll get me into a bit of a “habit” for Thursday morning (IF this stops and I can actually get on the road on Thursday morn). If I can make it through the day, it'll be bed-time at 21.00 and hopefully, up again at 4.00 tomorrow. If I can get into the “routine” of this, I'll be on the road by 6.00 on Thursday. Yeah? Well. We'll see. As always, on Time will tell. But I wonder what brought the SPASMS back! All those days of drinking water, water, water, seemed to have gotten rid of the spasms. Yep, thar's sum'in turrbly wrong a-going on here. But... live widdit, we shall, an' see what MORE nonsense this ol' body will throw at us. Meanwhile, let's see what we an do to fill the day. The wood-stove is re-stoked anyway... as the wash tumbles about in the machine. OH JUST FUCK! REALLY! - On thing... my back isn't as painful as it's been. THAT much seems to have subsided. It's not “gone”, by any means. But it's not debilitating this morning... yet. - Oh... and it's chilly out there (I'm just in from a smoke) and raining. I wonder: Is this the rain that will turn to the snow that will never go away until May? As they say on the soc.med., “Meh.” - Oh well... at some point in the day I'll get up to Bedford. I'll get a case of beer for the Catskills (as if I think I'll be able to drink), Naya for the trip (now I KNOW I HAVE to keep drinking water), a couple packs of smokes (for me) and a container of that yoghurt (hopefully on sale) for lunch. Indeed... it's going to be an “interesting” sort of day today. - 16.47 Gone to Bedford and returned... with TWO 6-packs of St. Ambroise beer and 2 boxes of “holiday cakes” for the Dingle Daisies. Got a 15-bottle pack of “mini” NAYA water, mostly for the trip! Two boxes of snax gateaux for the trip. And of course, my Crustinis for tonight and tomorrow. And one Krema... HALF for tonight and the other HALF for tomorrow night (since I suspect eating the WHOLE container last time is what “shot the shit” right out of me. Anyway, the snow stopped and melted and so, at about 15.00 I was out the door and to the border. It was quite the most welcomed un-eventful trip, all told, in BOTH directions with new folks on BOTH borders. And the visit to the store? In, went, searched, found, cashe, truck, gone. Happy, happy. - AND, tomorrow, Pammie and Davie will drop by with 2 pints of “Dark Amber” syrup for the folks in the Catskills. (10$ each pint... ça se peut tu!?) Anyway... I'll get it and bring it just on account of (the fact that I'm not paying motel for one thing). - And now... must say that the back/side is a bit better now but I'm still not “with me” because of the fatigue. Hopefully, I'll be exhausted at 21.00. - 21.15 And the day is DONE! I'm SHOWERED... in ALGEMARIN! Smelling quite nice. (And hoping for NO FUCKING PAIN tonight!) The little ones are in their bed. The furnace is set at 70F, the stove is STUFFED. - And of course, I'm not tired enough to pass out. I WAS, most of the day though. So a little reading might help. - My stomach's a bit on the “bubbly” side. Let's hope for NOT another “event” like this morning. I got to trim my beard and moustache this evening though. Tomorrow... a shave and “tidy”. But for now... off to the bed... and the hope... I've had 2 bottles of water and 2 mugs. I pee'd earlier. Light. Very good. Let's just hope. It's all about the fear of laying down and the pain. Tonight I'm going to try wearing socks. When I nap during the day, I have socks on and no pain. Let's see how that works. No harm in trying. - PS: Minus 3, ressentie -9! Down to -8 with ressentie of -16! “Crips”. Snow in the forecast for Monticello on Thursday. (Yeah... and I was ready to go LAST week. Well... that's how it goes when you include somebody else in plans... FUCKED!) - 21.47 and off to bed... MUCH later than hoped and planned but close enough, I suppose. Gonna try wearing socks o'er-night. Let's see how THIS scheme pans-out at opening of the day tomorrow. (JEEZUS KRISTE! PAINS! SPASMS! BULL-SHIT EN GÉNÉRALE! FUCK!)

Wed.14.Nov: 5.08 and yes, I DID awake with the 4.30 alarm, and by 4.52 was up and at the morning routine. Well... part of it, anyway. Up and loo and dressed and coffee and re-starts the wood-stove (and in the kitchen, I put the ceiling light on to find Minou on the “executive chaisse”... he's now in the hall, just out-side the door to the little room... meowing at me for some reason) and just in from a smoke. -9/-14 this lovely, charming, DARK morning. -3 with sun for tomorrow and -1 with SNOW for Thursday here, so I see. (-2/-10 I see in Monticello this morning and for tomorrow? -3/-18 and SNOW! How charming! 15cm of SNOW in Monticello for tomorrow. I'll be arriving in a “Winter Wonderland”. Oh well... I've been through worse in my life-time... I do suppose. Am I “happy” about this? HELL TO THE NO! But... I've rather invested in it already and so, I shall toddle on. Looks like the “open route”: 87, 84, 17. No “scenic” drivings. Alas.) - Anyway, as for the “health report” du jour, I must say that I feel “rested”. The socks seem to have helped through the night. No spasms. Thankfully. May it work as well through tonight. Interesting. And I didn't have to wake to pee. But this morning is another one of those “floating” mornings... a little bit “here” and a little bit “there”... some-where. Nose-blowing sends me more to “there” than “here”. I'm now more curious about all of this than much else. But there's been no word on the “ed.loan agreement” nor on the “medicaid”. Interesting, always, how quickly somebody can snatch money from the pockets of the unwitting and unwilling and how slowly they are to provide services. It's “the law of the land”. Fucktards, indeed, to be certain and sure. - Well and mean-while, there's a bit of an “agenda” to occupy the hours of the day and so, I shall attend, rolling along to the best of ability. - 5.35 Oddly, I hear Justin Up-stairs leaving. Change of shift? None of my concern. Just noting. - 8.47 Floors Hoovered and mopped. More fire-wood in. Garbage out. Bed-things in the dryer. Not shoddy. But there's a list of “take care of me” to be addressed... Still.. .there are hours left to the SNOWY day. So? So. - (PS: Although I can move a bit to the music, there's still pain AND I'm not “with me” yet... “Droozy” is the only word I can think of to describe it.) - 18.34 and I've just dozed, on the royal recliner, for the second time today. - Had “meal” at 16.00: 2 Cursitnis and a roll, followed by 3 of those “Holiday Logs”. I've finished the box of “ginger”. There's a box of chocolate left... for tomorrow.... I think. - Anyway... THE ROUTER IS TURNED OFF!!!!! DENNIS TRIED TO PHONE AT ABOUT 17.00. WE COULDN'T KEEP A CONNECTION AND THAT ROUTER WAS FLASHING AS IF IT HAD GONE INSANE! YEAH, Mr. Dimballs IS IN AND I'VE NO DOUBT THE SHIT-BAG'S ON-LINE, STREAMING SHIT. THANKFULLY, I PUT THAT SWITCH ON THE CORD. “CLICK”. NOBODY GETS SHIT! AND, DENNIS RANG TO SAY THAT HE WON'T BE AROUND TOMORROW! IMAGINE! I COULD HAVE MADE THIS TRIP LAST THURSDAY. AS HE TOLD ME: TOMORROW THE VALLEY IS EXPECTING SNOW, SLEET AND SLUSH! THIS IS GOING TO BE ONE *HELL* OF AN ADVENTURE. AND I'M NOT REALLY “COMFORTABLE” IN THE TRUCK TO BEGIN WITH. WELL? IF I SHOULD DIE BEFORE I ARRIVE... I DON'T GIVE A FUCK AT ALL. I'M JUST FED-THE-FUCK-UP! - But I've gotten everything I need to be done, done. Floors are done. The stuff I'm bringing is on the kitchen table. I've hard-boiled 2 eggs, butter 3 rolls, 2 bottles of coffee, 2 boxes of “Vachon cakes” and another of those chocolate logs. 12 bottles of water. If I get stranded, at least I'll have something to occupy the time. Also got the volume of some of the music adjusted. I suppose I'll be spiffy. I'll bring the sleeping bag from the bed with... just in case. Oddly, the weather in VT is supposed to be fine. It's South of here that's expected to get the shit. - Yeah, I'm rather “concerned” about all of this. But I'll give it a try anyway. I've driven in worse weather. Even Dennis said “I can't believe it. We used to drive through the worst weather just to make it to the bars.” Well... THIS is my FAREWELL TOUR. It might just turn out that way. - So I have alarms set for 4.00 and 4.30 tomorrow morning. I figure 6.00 at the earliest, 7.00 at the latest. That would get me there (IF all goes well enough) by either noon or 13.00. If I stay until about 17.00 and leave in “fair” weather, I can be back here at about midnight. Not too bad. 4 hours with the folks and 12-13 hours on the road. We shall see when it's over. - Hopefully the little ones will be co-operative in the morning. (I doubt it, but I can be “hopeful”.) I'd like to get them breakfast before I leave. If not? I'll just leave a note, send a text and toddle. There's only just so much I can do and just so much I can tolerate. - Shower time tonight: 20.00. My teeth are “filled”. I'll change the band before shower. What-ever will be, will be. - Well now, this lap-top Journal has reached 8 pages. Time to transfer them out. - 19.28 Just in case something goes “wrong” (more like “right”) and I run off the road or something of the sort, I've printed “2018 Farewell Tour”... a little note of cremation wishes and the likes. It also contains links to the sites. I just want to be prepared. I'll have a copy in the truck and leave one in the little room. - 19.38 and everything on-line is up-dated. - 20.50 Showered. Shaved. Cloths are on the spin. Just in from a smoke. - Funny? (Not really.) Just got a text as I was getting ready for the shower. Dorothy. Telling me there's a “bad storm” coming tomorrow. TONIGHT! OK. Anyway, the long and short of it is that the “storm” is supposed to begin at 14.00. The SHIT is supposed to hit the fan at about 21.00. I should be ON THE ROAD by then... WELL, on the road by then. 1-3cm until 21.00 and then “verglace”. It's coming up from the South. And is it EVER! YUGE! I should be able to out-run it and get back up here WAY before it comes... if it doesn't travel at the same speed I'm rolling. BUT... just to be on the “safe” side, I'm bringing a couple of vitamins, some shower gel, and tooth-stuff. NOT that I plan on staying over-night in the Catskills. But... just to be on the safe side of shit. - Am I at all nervous about all of this? Oh hell yeah. But not enough to cancel. I mentioned going on Friday and then thought: I'll never be able to get to bed on time, get up on time, get my shower, get me together. Mme. will be in residence and there's already been MORE than ENOUGH shit to deal with thus far. I'm taking NO MORE chances. So, tomorrow it is. The ONLY thing to stop me is the truck. And I'm putting my trust and faith in the ancestors, Fate, Karma, God and all related to allow this to go smoothly. We shall see. - I just HOPE I have a PAIN-FREE NIGHT ahead! No spasms or such things. I've had another bottle of water. I'll have a bit more before heading to the bed. That seems to be helpful. Again... it's all “hope”. - Spin's done! - 20.58 Towel in to wash as the clothes dry. I can leave the towel in the dryer over-night... Oh... this is SO TOO MUCH! I haven't had this much “excitement” in YEARS. I don't think I was all this much into it all when I came to VT that morning... 7 years ago. Fuck. - Oh well... “Only time will tell” how this will all roll out. (I wish I could have a drink. I don't DARE!) - 21.32 Towel in the dryer... here's hoping for SLEEP. - Sent a text to Mme. Got one cryptic reply. “should be home midmorning”. Yeah. OK. What-ever.

Thu.15.Nov: MONTICELLO - (Addendum at 7.52: FUCKED!!!!! FUCKED!!!!! FUCKED!!!!! Of course!) 4.42 I don't know why I'm making such a big deal over this trip. My little heart is pounding in my chest at the moment. SHIT! I used to drive from The Bronx to Laval, for Kiste's sake, and think nothing of it, any more than a trip to the market. I've walked from here to St. Albans in -20. I biked, every morning, at this very hour, in POURING RAIN, to get to E. Fairfield to work. I drove from St. Albans to Williston, at about this hour, in the dark, in HEAVY snow. Never gave it a though. Let's call it what it is... “DRAMA QUEEN”. - So the 4.00 alarm sounded. I turned it off and DOZED! until the 4.30 alarm and was up at the desk, lap-top on at 4.32. Lost a half hour already this morning. And this journalling isn't making things any better. I want to be on the road at 6.00. Oh... I'll make it. - It was a little difficult getting to sleep last night. And at about 23.00 I was up to pee. Alas. Anyway... I'm looking at my notes and the Ggl said the 87 to 84 to Quickway is 5h39min. If I take 17K to the Quickway, it's 5h45min. So I have options and neither of them is over 6 hours. (It's the trip BACK that gave me the concern to ponder before sleep last night. As I've always said: I know how I drive, I don't know how others drive... but I've seen.) Well... It will be what it will be. - Meanwhile... Here we go. At least I can move about with-out the aid of walking stick and the likes. AND... UN-like walking and the bike, if anything untoward should happen, I'll be IN the truck, and not simply out in the elements. There's that. - OK. Here, I've got -12 and dégagé, high of -3 and tonight (at some hour) -4 and “neige se développant au course de la nuit 5-10cm”. Now for Monticello.... “-7 dégagé. High of -3 with low of -5 and grésil len soirée devant pluie verglacante au cours de la nuit. 5mm de pluie et 10-15cm de neige.” I just need to drive BEFORE it all. I don't mind the neige... it's the pluie verglacante that worries. Flocons at 14h... neige at 16h. Grésil at 21h and I should be WELL on the road by then.Verglacante at 23h and by then I should be in VT! The flocons aren't expected in VT until mid-night. If I leave by 18.00 it'll be in the snow and I'll arrive in VT JUST as the snow commences. Newburgh grésil commences at 22.00. Fine... Notes done. Time to ROLL!!!! - 6.09 and we're off.... ish. - 7.52 and the room looks as if none of this morning ever happened. I got the truck packed, put 2 cinder blocks in the back for extra weight. It sounded a bit “frozed” when I backed up to the barn, but nothing too serious. Went to drive out and as I touched the brakes... a bit of a “grinding” in the front passenger wheel. So I headed off to Swanton anyway, figuring I'd get gas and see how it went. It didn't went too good. The grinding isn't all that loud, but... considering tonight's weather threats, it's enough. Last night, as I tried to doze-off, I had a few notions about heading down Wurtsboro mountain on the way back... on snow or ice. As I say: I know how *I* drive, but I also know how some idiots drive. And with all the “city folk” crawling all over the mountains these days... well. I just had notions of sliding... either me or them. Not pretty. Then too, there's the Thruway. Another runway for idiots. It's not that I probably wouldn't be OK, on my own. But this truck means too much to me right now and I don't cherish the thought of having somebody ELSE SLAM into me, on account of THEIR utter ignorance and stupidity. Maybe the grinding is little or nothing. But maybe it's some sort of “sign”... to say “Stay your sorry arse where it is.” Am I pissed? Fucking right I am! Texting with Dorothy, I asked her when her next trip up is planned. “I'm never coming up here again. Oye.” says she. Well, part of me doesn't believe that. Part of me is already plotting a way to get her back up. Another part of me is plotting how to get her, Donna and Debbie up. And then, there's the part of me that's saying “None of you is gonna live that long.” Of course, with OUR record of “fortune”, we'll be in wheel-chairs, drooling on ourselves in 6 months. At least Donna, Dorothy and m'self. But, it's a thought to entertain my fucking mind, I suppose. Yeah, I'm fucking RIPPED right now. To think: I WANTED to make this trip LAST fucking week. BUT... I considered Dennis and Dorothy, left it, pretty much, up to them. Dennis? Typical bull-shit irresponsibility, no input, no word, just “Oh good. Maybe we can have a honeymoon.” BULL-SHIT! Fucks never change. And the non-committment from Dorothy. The same shit I put up with from Mme. here. It's all on me, actually. I KNOW that, as long as I can say *I*, when planning, everything will run smoothly, but the moment I thought in terms of “we”... it was all fucked from that point on. It's never failed before... and nothing's changed. - What to do about it now? Well... the little ones have had breakfast. The truck is un-packed. Now I have 2 6-packs of beer and 2 pints of fucking maple syrup, none of which I actually want... especially none of which I want to have just sitting here. Plan? Get 2 more pints of syrup and put the money that would have gone into this trip into that and postage and send them... 1 each: Brian, Dorothy, Donna and Debbie. “Happy Fucking Holidays”. BULL-SHIT! (I'm not angry with any of them... I'm just dreading, with my ALL, being here today, A-FUCKING-GAIN, with Mme. and the general bull-shit that comes with THAT. Although, she'll be away again... off to Ottawa, next week... for a couple of days. NOT, that THAT makes today any easier. But it's something. - I'm just looking at the calendar here. Today's only Thursday. Dorothy doesn't leave until Sunday. There's tomorrow and Saturday. I shouldn't push luck but... If I could get the wheel checked today and NOT have to vomit-up a fortune... there's still a chance of a “surprise visit”. I'll have to check into it. Maybe I can get to Mike's today and have him take a look at the trouble. If it's too involved, no trips, and I'll cough-up the investment in 2 weeks. If it's quick'n'easy (yeah, right, like THAT'S gonna happen) and cheap enough to leave enough for the gas and tolls, I could still make it... providing the weather co-operates. Oh, me, the eternal idiot... Once again... only time will tell. I won't plan on it, but I'll ponder. - Meanwhile, this “venting” here gets me nothing and no-where. And I've got to shit. (To be quite honest: I had some chest pains on the road to Swanton... THAT was, most likely, nothing but anxiety. But at the very moment now, I'm “woozy”... but THAT'S most likely just fatigue... along with the fact that I'm holding-back on letting internal bull-shit fly.) - Well, OK... Hallie and Minou are happier that I'm here. (Always about “others”. I'm never going to grow-the-actual-fuck up!) I can't allow my-self to think of this opportunity gone a-fucking-mok. Still, I MUST keep in mind, above ALL else: *I* wanted to make this trip LAST week. So, if anybody should take ANY “blame” for this... I can comfort me with the fact that, last week's weather was delightful and I'd wanted, so much to take to the road... but the non-response from Dennis and the non-committment from Dorothy... well, as Mum would say: “As long as you did the best you could with what you had...” and I did. - I need a snooze here. I REALLY need a snooze. (And I need to put on “fuck-about clothes”. (Oh... to think of using that “Algemarin” for THIS! JUST FUCK ALL IN GENERAL!) No sense in letting it gnaw away at me. No sense at all. - 20.37 The password on the WiFi was changed today. Mme. took the truck to leave at Mike's for a change of tyres. I bought 2 more pints of syrup to post to Debbie and Donna. Chatted with Pammie who confirmed that everything I've talked with Mme. about has been mentioned to Dave and HE confirmed. - Took a nap for an hour this morning. - Had pasta for dinner with, and a beer. - TALKED WITH DOROTHY! AND TOMORROW MORNING... OFF I GO AGAIN... ON THE “FAREWELL TOUR”! In spite of the “horrific snow storm”. Theirs will be over by about 1.30 and I'll be leaving in ours. Oh well. Pam said that the noise is probably a caliper. Caleb confirmed over the phone and said I should be able to make the trip with-out trouble. (I just have to remember to TAP the brakes... We shall see.) - I'M DETERMINED TO MAKE THIS TRIP. DOROTHY'S BEEN IN THAT HOUSE ALL THE WHILE, ALL DAY, ALONE. POOR THING. I COULD HAVE MADE THE TRIP A COUPLE OF TIMES ALREADY! OH WELL.. TOMORROW. - So it's already MUCH later than I wanted to be in bed tonight but... I'm having my hot water and I'm OFF! - So much to mention but too late to get into it. SLEEP is ESSENTIAL!

Fri.16.Nov: 4.32 *** SNOW *** SNOW *** SNOW *** SNOW *** SNOW ***
and *** SNOW *** SNOW *** SNOW *** SNOW *** SNOW ***
But I've been up from since 4.04 at the sound of the first alarm. Indeed, yes, indeed, we got, are having and should continue to get the predicted SNOW this morning! From the looks of the picnic table out back, there's a good 5 inches on the ground. The “county road” (Highgate St.) has been plowed a bit over-night and, thanks to the miracle technology of “web-cams” on the Thruway, it appears that that's being attended quite nicely. Of course, thanks to the miracle of Internet, I've gotten the reports on the traffic and, of course, the major accidents along the way are between exists 17 and 19... Newburgh and Kingston... TAH-DAH. Well? Despite my stomach being a bit “off” this morning (must be the under-cooked pasta I had last night), my bowels were ready to roll already, and a bit of a “tightness” in the chest (again... but we know it's not a heart attack), I've had my coffee and smoke, tried to take a photo (but it's still too dark) and I keep thinking “Shit, ya little bugger, you've driven much worse through much worse for much less and for quite silly reasons.” As Dennis pointed-out: We used to drive through MUCH worse just to get to the bars. (And he's perfect correct.) From the weather “radar” I see that it's still coming down in Monticello at the moment, a bit of “ice” (verglace) is due at about 9.00-ish at which time I should be by Albany-ish. They should be out of all of this by about 13.30, and I should be THERE by then. And the “final truth” in all of this is: By this after-noon, THERE, in Monticello, they'll have clear skies and a touch warmer weather and I'll feel the idiot if I'm not there for that. The “final final truth” being, of course, that, when I leave there, in the “fair weather”(ish), I'll be driving, in the dark, right back into this. We're supposed to continue with this snow-fall until tomorrow after-noon. How charming. My MAJOR hope this morning is that the conditions aren't so poor that it all adds TOO much to my trip. I expect at least an extra hour. I just HOPE it isn't much longer than that. We shall see ONLY by trying. (The old adage: There's no shame in failing... the shame is in not trying. - BOLLOCKS! But...) - ANYWAY... I have to shovel the walk to the truck this morning before anything else. Thankfully, there's almost a full tank of gas so I can get it running and warmed-up a touch before the “absolute insanity” of pulling it out of the drive an onto the road. THIS, m'dears, is going to ONE DAMNED FASCINATING DAY, TO BE SURE. - Time to roll along here. I've got a shower to take, a truck to RE-pack and a bit of “Winter sport” (a.k.a. Shovelling) to do... and miles to go before I rest. - 4.51 Not only did I up-date this Journal this morning... it's all posted up to now. I'm great (right). Time to roll along here. (Miles to go before I rest... sleep... what-the-fuck-ever.) - 5.37 Out of the shower and admittedly, feeling a touch “episodic”. But... none-the-less... HERE WE GO! *** KADIMA!***

Sun.18.Nov: 8.14 and we get to do this all again! SUCH FUN! FUCK! At least I managed to sleep through the night, no pee'ings, no spasms. And a regular almost-10 hours sleep. Not bad. Now for coffee, smoke and to finishing Thursday's entry. - 11.34 and for some reason, it feels like this day's been a LOT LONGER. - Mme. left at about 9.30-ish for Jesus and some little “do” after mass. Fire in the wood-stove, ash bucket out-side the porch door and the kitchen looking like the devil came and fought in there. - A couple text messages from Dorothy and 2 photos: 1 of Cindy and the other of the 2 of them together. (I showed Jacquie... she said she sees the resemblance between Cindy and I. No comment on Dorothy. But she's still got NO interest in the trip. Selfish, self-serving, typical. I don't fucking care any more about these shit-bags. Really. I just can't be bollocksed!) Other-wise, the house has been relatively calm. But I've noticed there's no car in the drive and the girls are up there (and have been out to play in the snow and sun-shine). I have to wonder if Dimballs is the type to leave the kids alone. They're really not “old enough” for that shit and, well, I have to wonder if they're safe to leave alone... burning the house down or something... especially in a new place. (Thankfully, the stove was replaced on Friday, during my absence... THAT'S a story, typical of these morons... I'll have to add it here, for notes.) - Anyway... I've whiled the morning away, recounting the “Farewell Tour”. Dorothy should be en route to Newark airport. Bless her. And me? Another day... just another day. Shitlife returns to “normal”. - I'm trying to keep the water running, in the hopes of “cleansing” and keeping the spasms away. Still wearing the back brace today, but the pain isn't debilitating... yet. I really should get to letter-writing with the syrups that need to be sent tomorrow. (Must to mention: I went looking in my little “bag” for another lighter, mine having run out, and discovered 60$ in there! I don't know when I put that in there, from whence it comes, but it's back in there anyway... EMERGENCY stash... ANOTHER one. It helps to know... since I've mailings to be done.) - Oh, the “notice/bill” for the truck insurance arrived yesterday. Due on 26 December (which is when my next 5$ payment on the “student loan” will go too). 183$. NOT HORRIFIC! And I'll have it by then. WHEW! - And so... time to toddle and get my shit and act together. - I'm STILL trying to absorb and assimilate the Tour on Friday. It's still quite actually “surreal”! Seems I can STILL amaze me. - (I want to get all of this posted to the blog/site Journals now... before anything happens to it. Let's do and consider it “done” at 11.44.) - 12.12 AND DONE! Blog and site Journals... up-dated to the moment. - 21.18 and the day comes to a close. Franks, squash and a baked potato for “meal”. Quite good and easy to chew. (I can't understand why my tongue is so sore on the sides.) THREE rye and egg-nogs too. THAT should prove interesting for tonight's sleep. (I foresee spasms... so I'm trying to get at least 2 mugs of water down before going to bed.) And, over-all, it was a rather “calm” day. - Seems I'll have to WORK to get this place together by Thursday because Mme.'s “Yogi” will be coming on Thursday evening for “Thanksgiving” dinner and staying the night. They're planning on a 10.00 departure. Off to St. Albans to pack Ms. Maryrose and then... off to Ottawa for a few days. Alas... I'll have the place alone (but I keep thinking: I couldn't do all of this if you weren't here and I couldn't afford to put Hallie into a kennel... besides, it would kill her. Yeah... well... what-ever.) - And no word from Dorothy. She should be home by now, but I don't suppose I'd be on the “priority” list. - What I CAN'T get over is the fact that I've thought that I got to Monticello by 14.00 when, in fact, I couldn't have gotten there before 16.00. No wonder the time seemed to pass so quickly. I'd been thinking that I was there at 14.00... I didn't get to Newburgh until 15.00! WHAT a dumb-arse. But... as I said: We can't go back and fix it ... and I DID get to spend time with Dorothy. THAT is what matters. - Oh... Mme. got the under-coating on the truck... 99$. I'll have to have the brakes checked and repaired with next soc.sec. payment AND the under-coating. Now... to decide whether to have it all done at Mike's or to help support Caleb. We shall see. I know Caleb can't do the under-coating, MIGHT be able to do the brakes. It's just a matter of “timing” and convenience. I'd like to have both done, same place, same time. But... let's just see. - For now, present, I'm hoping that I'm managing to hold my bowels. I have reason to believe that they're not “holding” very well... I'll know soon enough when I change into jammies. But I'm even MORE concerned about the spasms and a sleep through the night. THAT too, will show... tomorrow morning. - Right now, another mug of water, quick through on the soc.med. and then... a chapter in the book and lights out. I've had MORE than enough these past few days. - OH! PS: Mme. took her own tyres out of her truck whilst I was away! I don't like the idea, she should have had somebody from town help her. But I'm quite impressed. (I wish I was in as good condition now as she is, for her age. But, the truth is: I've worked damned-well hard to be in the shit condition I'm in. So much for a “charmed, easy life” for me. IF they only knew even PART of the truth... they wouldn't believe it nor would any of them accept it.) - Move along... it's time... as it has been all my life-time.

Mon.19.Nov: 0.11 Obviously, the 3 drinks I had with dinner (rye and egg-nog) didn't help with the sleeping matter. Well? Time for last smoke and a pee and more water and to try for a nap. - 9.41! Imagine? Almost 10.00 and I'm only JUST getting out of bed here! Only 2 bouts with spasms last night, and 2 ups for peeing, but 10.00? And I heard the 2 alarms... 8 and 8.30. But I laid there, comfy-ish... dozing and thinking and such. But WOW! - And now I hear Mimou at my door. Must toddle. - 9.56 WELL! I don't know where she is, but she's not here this morning. On the road already. Oh well. - MY days to come will be “busy”. Have to get this place together for “company” on Friday. (Of course, I'll get it together by Thursday and by Friday it'll be a disastre again, I've no doubt. But it's my efforts that will matter... to me.) - Still no word from Dorothy. And this morning I have to get the syrup packed and into the post by about 14.00. (I've been thinking for the 16.00 truck, but NO! I have to get it over there before she closes! Damnit! Oh well... I need to jot a note to go with too. Lordy! As it were.) Well, if I don't get started, I'll never finish. Such is the way of Life. - I'm still rather tired, to be honest. But that's every day. - ODD... THE FUCKING LAP-TOP IS BACK ON-LINE AGAIN THIS MORNING! I KNOW I PUT IT ON “AIRPLANE” BEFORE GOING TO BED LAST NIGHT. THIS IS FUCKED-UP! - (On Tuesday, 20 November, at 11.28) TODAY'S “ACCOMPLISHMENT”: I GOT DOROTHY'S SYRUP INTO THE POST. It cost me 10$ for the syrup... 9,98 to post it. Imagine THAT! - Had a bit of an altercation with Mme. but made it up with a hug. No sense carrying the burden of that shit. I had the audacity to take the time to jot a note and pack the syrup... time to do something for “me” for a change, and I'd no sooner started and she came with “computer issues”... repeats of shit that we'd already gone through. It annoys me to the core, seeing that she pays NO fucking attention when I do my best to “dumb-down” things particularly for her. I see it as being intentionally disrespectful. But the fact of the matter is: that's how she is... with just about everything. THEN, I “helped” (fuck me very much you're welcome) her get her room in Ottawa! I'm not going. My “benefit” is that she won't be round the house for a few more days. Again... I saw that she wasn't paying any attention. But the reservations are done and that's what matters, I suppose. - The day rolled on and as usual, she was out the door round about 16.00, leaving a total mess behind. I managed to clear the kitchen table, had left-over “Chinese” for “meal”, broke into the ice cream after and started getting the other 2 syrups together. Big fucking deal. - HEARD FROM DOROTHY! She's back at home, Daryl is with her. Text messages back and forth for a while. More “news” about the Monticello folks. Seems Brian's holding-up the “traditions” of “infidelity”. Honestly, it's as I said to Dorothy, as we sat at table: If known, people would seriously classify us as “White Trash”. Me? I don't give a shit. “They” will do what they want... it has no bearing on the rest of us. (And the rest of us aren't “perfect” in any stretch of imagination, but again... we're not in prison so there's something to be said for that.) - Meanwhile... the day rolled into night and the night rolled into the next morning and, well, nothing lost, little gained... but time rolled on. It makes no difference in the continuum of time and space... it's just “done”... We move along... just move along.

Tue.20.Nov: 1.25 I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MONDAY AND NOTE BECAUSE THE DAY'S GONE BY AND WELL... HERE I AM... NOT SHOWERED AGAIN... AND TOO TIRED TO BOTHER. - 9.23! (and now it's 9.32 and I'm only just in from a smoke) - Well, that's OK, considering the hour I finally got to bed this morning. But still. - Oh... and it's lightly SNOWING again. But ever so lightly. - Health report? A couple of spasms through the night... just a couple. Even though the furnace is set at 70F. Alas. It looks to be the “norm” from now on: spasms. Just another of those pains that will be a part of my existence. Gee... like I never had enough of that through all those previous years. - My neck is sore too. I'd swear it's because of the teeth. But no sense in wondering, pondering or even giving them the time of thought. - The house? As I thought, before dozing off, I have tomorrow for that. Today is getting the parcels together, letters written, to send South. The house can wait for the day (if I have another in which to work). - BUT... I have to add a few lines to yesterday before anything more. (And a second trip to the loo! My bowels are “working” again. Now THAT'S been a while... all that “liquid diet” for those days. last week.) - Oh yeah... kidney too. Not MISERABLE, but not back to where it used to be... where it SHOULD be. - 11-fucking-24 already! I've spent this morning, replying to a wonderful reply to my “Author” page on Minds. It's wonderful, “chatting” with a woman turning 50, and full of similar trepidations. Hopefully, I'm encouraging. But I'm putting off those chores I want out of the way here, in prep for Thursday. As I think: there are people who know that *I* maintain this place and the condition of the place reflects directly upon ME... NOT Mme. If nothing else, I'm determined to make it obvious, that I DO WORK round here... and damned-well hard. Let it never be said of me that I've “mooched”. They will say it anyway, because that's how these savages are. But it's not about “them” or their opinions of me... it's about ME and MY opinion of me that matter. - I also have to get the syrups together and posted. Oh well... things will be done... eventually. - 11.37 caught up as much as I care to be with this Journal and now... to the wood-stove cleaning and the rest of what-ever this day holds in store and gives me time to do. - It's still snowing, ever so lightly. Ah... “Winter”... and I am in the North where I've wanted to be. THAT'S what matters! - 15.02 and another day slips by... and the snow continues do fall, lightly, to the ground. - And what have I done today to make ME feel PROUD?
• Ran the dish-washer whilst
• washing ALL of the cast iron hanging over the wood-stove and then re-hanging it all.
• Cleaned the wood-stove.
• Cleaned the cook-stove.
• Set the wood-stove for another “one-match” light (Thursday, no doubt).
• Re-stacked the fire-wood in the kitchen.
• Re-stacked the fire-wood in the garage (and it's getting quite low).
• Swept the kitchen floor.
• De-odourised the living-room sofa with Zep.
• Telephoned the fuckers at “Pioneer Credit Recovery” to learn that they claim they haven't received my tax forms which I've sent them 7 times via gmx and gmail.
• Got a song and dance from “Michelle”, a chat which ended with “OK. Thanks. Buh-bye” as she told me to “hold the line.” (Which I didn't.)
• I THEN typed a cover letter and sent, via fax, the tax forms. Got a “Send” confirmation followed by a delivery failure. The call went through. The fax went through. I've no idea where this shit is going now so...
• I scanned ALL the documents, fax cover, delivery failure and the tax forms, typed and printed a rather curt threat of seeking an attorney, wrapped it all in an envelope and toddled to the P.O. where I posted it all CERTIFIED, RETURN RECEIPT at the cost of 6$ and change!
• I've had a dish of ice cream, simply for some sort of “nourishment”.
• I've also emptied the ash-bucket.
I am, to put it all rather mildly, working diligently on “getting over it” all. I'm quite pissed-off. My back is sore now. And I can't help but think of the next load of fire-wood that will arrive and the expectation that I'll stack THAT as well, in the garage. Yep... a dying kidney, lump on the lungs, crushed vertebrae... and wood-stacking... house-cleaning... pet-watching... and of course, there's snow and ice to be shovelled and chopped. Yep... sure and of course. (I'm psyching myself into not stacking the fire-wood because, well, I'm fucking fed-the-fuck-up with her wasting it... constantly tossing it into the stove. But today, another delivery of oil was made, and the thermostat is set now at 73F, where it will remain until Wednesday night. FUCK THIS SHIT! - I've still not gotten to the notes to go with the syrup to be sent South. And... the P.O. is closed for the day now anyway. - Remaining? Hoovering and mopping, and tossing the sofa blanket into the washer... in prep for Thursday night. Mme.'s Yogi is expected to spend the night on it and I believe it would be “civil” if it didn't stink of “dog”. Of course, that's just me, but again... I'm the one who maintains this shit-hole... and I will do as best I can with it. - And now... on to what-ever may come along to tickle my fancy. - 22.42 an soc.med. wins again. But tonight... TO THE SHOWER! - 23.51 FROM THE SHOWER! AT LAST! Haven't had one from since Friday morning before the “Farewell Tour”! Feels a touch better. - Hungry now... and of course. Why not? A bowl of ice cream, 2 franks on rolls and a bit of crisps all day. No wonder. Just having another frank, fresh from the fridge. It's actually silly, really. I could cook a couple and enjoy them. Garbage has to go out tomorrow, the floors could stand a mopping. I'd like to get something from the market to eat (especially on Thursday because that turkey... well... she said she put salt and sugar on it and it's sitting in the fridge, uncovered, turning RED! and dry! I'm not... NOT going eat THAT! To be sure. So I'll probably be in the room, feigning pains of some sort... or simply eating veggies.) Anyway... shower done and the house looks nice as it is, quite honestly. But of course it does. - I never did get to write anything to Deb and Donna but no rush now... no sense trying to get anything into the post tomorrow... it'll just sit there over Thursday and then on Thursday the mail will pile up... through Friday. So? I've got time yet. Besides, I want to get some little bits of stuff for a “snowman”... gravel eyes, something orange for a nose, twigs for arms, and a broom of some sort... water in a little bottle with the bits... sent as “I made y'all a snowman!” Yeah, I still have a bit of a sense of humour... not that I'd expect anybody else to have one. (Dorothy seems to have completely lost hers, as I saw on Friday.) - OK. So it's time... smoke and read and sleep (and hope). I'm just waiting for the “fader cream” to soak in right now. - It's been a day... of nothing. time to kill it off completely. Tomorrow? More shit. Then Thursday... even MORE MORE SHIT! Then Friday? 10.00 and hopefully they'll be rolling out the drive until Sunday. What-ever. - How I DO despise this time of year... holidays and shit... mostly shit.

Wed.21.Nov: 1.56 Stayed up late a-fucking-gain! Oh well. Too late to do anything to correct this error. - Teeth on the bottom left are painful tonight. Ah yes... the must be pain... some-where... always. Need to re-fill on the lower right too now. - And... before heading to bed... imagine... this would have been the folks' 64th wedding anniversary. I wonder if any of the shit-spore even know that. - Off to bed... shit to do in a few hours. - Nice evening on Minds though. - 8.33 and up and rolling. The 8.00 alarm sounded and I was half-dozing when Hallie came into the room, wagging her tail, and the sound of it hitting a plastic bag startled me. She needed to go out and so... UP AND AT'EM! No prob. I wanted to be up relatively early anyway. - 9.44 Garbage is out. Morning routine done. Message from Mme.: She's not leaving until Saturday... with a U-Haul! Her oil gauge is “beeping” again (probably because the cold weather changed the viscosity and it's running through the faulty system a bit slower). No “Yogi” tomorrow. “Just us”. Fuck me! - And I woke with a very sore neck (left side) and worse tooth-ache (a “filled” tooth). NOT in the mood for this bull-shit, really. But, I'll mop the floor and Hoover and such and roll with what comes along. I really don't have much choice in the matter. Always something in this shit-hole... From state through county, town, village, hamlet and house.... pure shit-hole. - 10.59 I just can't seem to get “me” together. The tooth-ache, mostly, and the stiffness in the neck... drippy nose. And the nonsense of Mme.'s truck, the change in “plans”, and the ***** SNOW ***** is STILL falling!!! It hasn't stopped from since about Saturday! And now, as I type, the sky is darkening, the snow's falling heavier. So much for my plans of heading to the store or market or any-where today. Yep... Winter... that season when you just can't depend on “plans”. Now, if only I could get rid of this tooth-ache... I'd be quite fine, really. There's nothing to “do” in the place save Hoover and mop. This evening, I'll make a wash, shower... that's that. (Tomorrow is going to be a living Hell... I've no doubt.) - That turkey in the fridge? Dry and “red”. Doubtful it's edible at this point. Oh well... she pays NO attention to anything and then expects the world to “repair” what goes wrong. I see it coming. Alas. - This U-Haul biz though... I HOPE she and her Maryrose have plotted their solution to the matter of picking-up the U-Haul and what's to be done with the truck. (On-line, the majority on the forum claim it's probably a “sendor” or “sensor” or the likes. Cheap fix and quick. But that's none of my business. Nobody listens to anything I say...) - And so... I'll just roll with the day. I'll have to figure something to eat at some point, but not now. I'm hungry... but not hungry “enough”. - I just can't believe the SNOW! (Watch, it'll be so bad that the whole “Ottawa trip” will be sacked. I don't so much mind that “they” won't go as much as I mind that “she'll” be stuck here. Yep... I am hated.) - 15.54... the sun is setting South of the Highgate St. My face is sore, the teeth, upper and lower on the left side, along with my neck is sore... painful. The fillings I'd put in before the “Farewell Tour”? All but one are out and that one is in the upper left, and it's lose. Something got stuck in some place... and the only things I ate yesterday were the franks and some crisps. Ice cream doesn't get stuck. But it's so bad today that it's making me nauseous... and tired and even the bottom teeth that are banded are causing pain. - But I managed to get the house Hoovered, a bit of snow-melt for the plants, got the mail in, and even washed the shower curtain (which is still badly stained dark brown on the bottom). - As far as anything that I THOUGHT I'd get to today, like market? I doubt that's to happen now. Tomorrow's going to be a “lean” day when it comes to food. Today? I'm not even thinking about it. I've been on hot water all day. Good for the “flushing” and hydration... but I'll be very sorry tomorrow. I wonder: is THIS how bad teeth lead to death? What-ever. - Anyway, I'm dissatisfies with myself right now, in spite of getting the place together. - Oh... got a text from Dennis! He's been staying with his Aunt. Got a text from Dorothy. One-word replies to my photo of the snow and one of the nasty chicken in the fridge. - Other than that? A day well fucked. And now... at it's end... the sun comes through. - Burt's been here to plow though. Tah... fucking... dah. - 21.59 JUST OFF THE PHONE WITH DENNIS!!!! (And 2 v-tons... for the tooth-ache.) 1 hour and 44 minutes!!!!! And we talked! GOD! How we talked! Almost 2 hours! Truth be told, if the weather was better and the world wasn't cover with snow, the temperature -14 with chill of -20... (the damned phone is trying to “activate” through Verizon now! SHIT!) OK. Got it together... to finish, yes, I probably WOULD get into the truck and head to Nbg tonight. Why? I don't know. What I'd do when I got there? I don't know. He said he has Thanksgiving dinner prepared. But that wouldn't be why I'd go. Of course not. I'd go... just to be together with him. And Jacquie? Well... the time has come in my life-time when I don't have the time to waste and yes, being with Dennis wouldn't be a “waste” of that time. - Anyway... I have to finish the little bit of v-ton in the glass and head for the shower. I want to wash my clothes tonight too. Why? Good question, because tomorrow is going to be just more WORK round here. But for now... I'd like to start fresh and so... laundry... and shower. At 22.32 there's no hope for getting to bed “early”... as I'd originally planned. (Thankfully, only the mopping has to be done in the morning.)

Thu.22.Nov: 0.00 exactly and I'm on the way to the shower and the washer. - 0.36 SHOWERED! Clothes have been washed and are in the dryer. My whites and sherpa are in the wash. Later, when I wake, I'll mop the kitchen floor. When Mme. arrives, I'll start the fire in the wood-stove. (The kitchen is actually quite chilled right now, in spite of the “Monitor” being set to 70F). - 2 v-tons... I'd like another before heading to bed. I'll have to go to SAQ to get more vodka. Thankfully, Bedford will be open tomorrow. - I can't believe I spoke with Dennis for so long tonight! What a wonder. Odd though... he sees me sexually and I still see him romantically. Oh well... to be expected, one might suppose. (And my body is such a fucking mess these days... never mind the fucking breaking-down.) Pondering: he could keep the place in Nbg. move up here for about a year and then tell me he wants to “marry”. It's a thought to distract as I try to drift to sleep... in a little while... I hope. - Not looking forward to hearing all about the troubles with the truck. Not looking forward to hearing all about the trials and tribulations of the U-Haul. I don't care. I can't care. Fuck me... nobody cares about me and my 700-mile trips. But never mind all that. - Another smoke... another v-ton... brush my teeth, read until the wash is done. NAP! That's all I'll get tonight too. - 1.02 and MUCH later than I'd wanted to be in bed! But the whites are spinning, the clothes are drying and I've just put my lighter in the WASH again! Oh well... another night... another day. - 2.15 laundry done... now to try for sleep... nap... hahahahah. - It's fucking COLD in here! - 8.08 up with the 8.00 alarm. AND IT'S CHILLED IN THE HOUSE BECAUSE IT'S 5°F OUT-SIDE! BUT... the furnace is up to about 73 and it's STILL cold in here! AND... I've got a touch of “not enough sleep” and “3 v-tons”... NOT GOOD. And the left side of my neck is stiff, my jaw too, from neck to ear. Tooths? Not so bad. Oh well... Coffee time. - 8.29 Dressed, breakfast served, and just in from smoke. Crystal-blue skies this lovely “holiday” (fuck) morn. And for some reason, my chest feels unusually “stuffed”, and coughing seems to be the rule. I must have slept quite heavily last night (this morning). Shit settled. Oh well. I've got to mop the kitchen floor soon. I've been thinking she'll get the U-Haul this morning, but no, she said she couldn't get one before Saturday. So she'll be comin' round the mountain in HER truck, when she comes. And I don't think she gets out of work until 9.00 so she shouldn't be rolling in until at least 10.00? I've got a few moments here, to get my body in gear and rolling... moments. (I'm in NO mood for all of this shit this morning.) - 9.41 Furnace back down to 64F (LORD HELP US!) and the floor is mopped. And, of course, the floor no sooner dries and the dog wants “out”... snow to be tracked back in in short order. Meanwhile, I'm still feeling a touch on the “under” side of the day. But... all will be what it will be when this day is done. I can't care, give a shit, nor a fuck. We roll along. (All I can hope for is that the little radiator in the little room keeps the little room warm enough for these old bones.) - That is all. - 10.04 She has... arrived! - 10.09 I GOT THANKED for cleaning the house! “It smells spanking clean.” WELL!!! (Buckle those belts... shit's on the way.) - 11.51 nap. - 15.21 HAH! By about 11.00 or slightly there-after... I came back into the room, got under the blankets and THOUGHT I was going to take a NAP... Yep... until 15.00! ANOTHER 4 HOURS of SLEEP! Imagine that! Meanwhile, the turkey(?) is in the oven and the house is FULL of the scent of cooking! Mme. was on the recliner, awake, watching the “parade”. I've just stepped out for my 2nd smoke of the day, gulped the remainders of my 2nd coffee and it's up to... (drum-roll) 21F! HEAT-WAVE! But the sun is diving to the horizon and there's a “delightful”(?) breeze blowing. But the little village is silent. “All is calm. All is dimly bright.” AND... I've managed to dump most of the day. No complaints though. Pretty good. Extra rest and the relaxation that comes from being comatose. - Now... on with... the rest of nothing. - 20.25 and the day is DONE! Dinner was SHOCKINGLY quite good! EVEN THE TURKEY! I had a drumstick and it actually turned-out quite tasty, moist and flavourful all-round. (Oddly enough though, it wasn't moments after I'd done and I HAD to toddle to the loo... it rushed right through. But I'm not complaining because today was also THE FIRST DAY I DIDN'T NEED THE BACK-SUPPORT!) And so... I got to do some of the dishes (with Clorox, of course, because she gave the wooden cutting board to the dog... IT got SOAKED THRICE and then scrubbed). - Now... the plans for her trip to Ottawa are... Tomorrow evening her Yogi comes for the night. She'll be heading to her Maryrose tomorrow to “help with the packing”. She got a one-way U-Haul for Saturday. I'll be going to Swanton in the morning with her, she'll get that truck, I'll drive hers back here. They'll all get together in St-Albans and head out. Jacquie and Yogi in the U-Haul and Maryrose in her Subaru. On Monday morning, they'll all come back in the Subaru. Monday morning, Ms. Pam will come here to the house, I'll bring the Chevy into Enosburgh, Ms. Pam will bring me back. Then... when the others come back, I might suppose that Maryrose will bring Jacquie to her truck, Ms. Yogi will be here for her vehicle and head home and Jacquie will be heading back to work... until Thursday again. Interesting few days ahead... with the “Grounds/House-keeper alone with the critters. No complaints from me. - But for tonight, I'm going to get ready and get to bed. Indeed, I'm rather tired, there's one extra light v-ton here but I'm not pushing things after last night's “extra”. I've had my 2 glasses of water for the night. And yes, I do think I could go to sleep... I can only hope to stay asleep through the night. - A touch of soc.med., nothing more. - Well... ONE HOLIDAY DONE! (There's still Christmas and New Year... may they go as quickly as this one has.) - Oh... just checking the 1040 sent to NY for the “payment prog.”. It arrived in Buffalo at 6.09 this morning so it should be in their fucking little fingers tomorrow morning. Must remember to check THAT toward day's end or earlier... and give them a call to let them know that I know that they have it. - 23.14 and late again. Oh well... soc.med. Last smoke, a mug of water... this day is O-VUH!

Fri.23.Nov: 8.30 “I never saw you dance.” Odd that, because I saw you EVERY TIME you danced... most of the time, I was on the dance floor too. “I never saw you dance.” - 8.47 You'd THINK I'd be all rested after a night of only once, getting up to pee but... chest is “heavy”, and the rest of me just doesn't want to be bollocksed, Oh well... in the clear skies and brilliant sun-shine reflecting off the whiteness of the snows... just another “typical” morn. Alas. Oh well. I'm dressed, coffee'ed, smoked'ed and the day, she is a-rollin'. - “And I'm over here. Why can't you see me. Oh, oh, oh. I keep dancing on my own.” - 12.23 This morning went by rather slowly. Mme. has just left to her Maryrose. Yogi's due about 17.00. I could (and probably will) re-Hoover and mop. Dorothy received the syrup and I've got 2 letters to write to go with the other 2 syrups (and snowmen). I don't feel like doing any of it. It's been a bit of an “episodic” sort of day again. Figures. When one pain goes, something comes along to take its place. Oh well... “Such is life”. - 15.11 Wood stacked in kitchen, stove re-stoked, floors Hoovered and mopped. I'm still not feeling altogether all together. A touch tired. Minou is on his pillow in the little room. I think I'll go for a “nap”. - 16.40 And it was a delightful little “snooze”... with Minou on his pillow and me on the bed, Ms. Hallie in “her” room and the sun is now all but set o'er the horizon... and there's nobody in the house here but me... the little ones are out for a “before dinner stroll”. And I'm having the 2 left-over rolls (with budduh) from last night. Another mug of hot water to follow. - My left arm and shoulder are sore now. Teeth. Or something. - 21.30 Well... Mme. rolled in round about 15.30, Yogi arrived at about 18.30. At 17.00 I had 2,5 slices of turkey because, well, I HAD to. They sat down round about 19.00 to full plates. I had 2 rye-and-egg-nogs and a slice of that so-called “cheese” cake and a dollop of ice cream. “Meal” for the day. Mme. retired to the living-room and Yogi and I chatted up to just moments ago. She's a sweet person... thus far. But the conversation was fun. I helped set-up the sofa for Yogi and we went through the night-lights for navigation and such. And now... all are into retiring. I have my mug of hot water to finish and the hope of a good night's sleep because, tomorrow, round about 9.00, I have to go with Mme. to fetch the U-Haul. I'm not sure how it's going to roll from there. Best sense would be for Yogi to go along and them take the U-Haul (because it 99-cents to the mile) directly to St-Albans. I doubt it's going to be that easy. But we'll see in the morning. - Meanwhile, as I say, I'm just hoping for a night of good and restful (fat chance of THAT happening) sleep. - Right now... a bit of soc.med. with my water and to bed. This day is DONE! - My jaw, teeth, neck and shoulder are still stiff and sore. I can't help but think: with all the money I've put into the truck, I could have a full set of dentures paid-off by now. Oh well. Better to have my escape. I'm paying for it with the pain and the teeth. No complaints. - 23.41 Last smoke and off to bed (with a bit of a tooth-ache... oh well.)

Sat.24.Nov: 7.48 Up and about... 7.56 dressed and coffee'ed. Not a terrible night, up only twice to pee, no spasms, thankfully. And I actually woke before the 7.00 alarm... and dozed until it sounded then snoozed until I woke. - The others are moving about out in the house. I've NO idea when we're supposed to be on the road to start this little fiasco. I'll be “summoned” when required, no doubt. Meanwhile... I just have to wait my turn at the loo (which I could use at the moment but...) - I'm awake. I'm available. That's all that matters. - Shabbat. - 9.00 and the loo is occupied... there's quiet in the house. I've only just had my first smoke of the day. And I still have to use the loo before heading out. Imagine that. I guess I should have gotten up at 5.00 instead of 7.30. Alas and oh well. No doubt, I'll have to wait until the very last second, and then hear the comments about being some sort of hindrance. Times like these when the words of Bobo the Bender come back to mind: “All of the major problems in my life have, some-how, involved women.” (I add... especially the self-centred, self-serving women.) - 'tis the same story... over and over and over again. I grow weary of the bull-shit. My “reward” for being tolerant? The next few days with-out any about. I set my hopes and sites upon those days. - Meanwhile... my bowels are “filling” and the back brace is back on.... in my silence. - (Tuesday 17 November 12.32 re-cap from Notes jotted on Saturday at 17.48 here) Well... we left at about 10.00 this morning and drove the back roads (Woodhill) to the 7 where we pulled into the WRONG U-Haul dealership. Imagine that! Eh? She “knew exactly” where the place was. Make it all better? The place was “closed for the holidays”! Caused quite the confusion for the guy who happened to be there, walking about. “Isn't this Cobb?” asks HLS. “No” replies the confused young feller, “That's down the road.” more toward St-Albans. Right then. Back into the truck with HLS, her Yogi and me and away we go. Not too far though. And “Cobb” had several trucks in the lot. A very young fellow drove one round as HLS was in the office making the deals. Nice truck. Modern. Clean. Gas not diesel. No leg room though. Good thing *I* didn't have to drive the thing. I'd've NEVER made it any further than the end of the lot! Of course, HLS didn't like it. But... I couldn't help but notice that she was looking rather “aged” this morning. Probably because of being tired and nervous about the entire adventure. Then too, I couldn't really find it in me to care much (if at all). This was all her doing and none of mine. She willingly waltzed right into it. (Dense.) In moments, after the young man tried (and I stress “TRIED”) to show her the gadgets and such... they were off on the road toward... what-ever and I was on the road back to the shit-hole. Imagine... the place was right beside Walmart! She could have saved time and travel by heading in the more direct way. But never mind that. What happened was to be expected. After all... SHE knows EVERYTHING BETTER than ANYBODY else on Earth. So I headed back the way I know best... rolling at about 55mph, my focus on the oil pressure. Luckily, I made it back to the drive at the shit-hole by about 11.30 and... GOT TO WORK IN THE HOUSE! - They'd left the sofa-bed open and disarrayed. I stripped it down, put the linens into the wash and put the sofa back to the way it should have been. - At 11.48 a MESSAGE: “I fogot the shamli box so I'm coming back to get it.” OH JOY! Not only was she coming back, but she's already wasting MORE time on her trip. Fine. None of my concern. - Next line of biz: took the turkey carcass that she'd left in the casserole on the counter, pulled off what meat I could get at and put the meat on a plate for later. The centre of the damned turkey was still PINK! I KNEW it couldn't have cooked enough when she'd served it! Anyway... I crushed the carcass remains and stuffed it all back into the casserole, filled the thing with water and put it onto the stove to boil so I could strip the rest of the meed from it... COOKED this time. - NEXT came the dishes that were left in the sink... washed. OK... that done, the linens were washed, they went into the dryer and the blankets on the recliner went into the wash. As all that was going (turkey on stove, stuff in washer and dryer) I got to making the kitchen “tidy”. “Time management”... a novelty in this hovel. - Linens dried, blankets from washer to dryer, wool blanket from the sofa into the washer. Fold the linens, tumble the blankets... and I kept moving right along. - It was about 14.00, I was Hoovering the floors when there, in the kitchen. Ms. Maryrose appeared at the door, followed by HLS... looking for her “box”. Come to learn... the “box” had been in “Yogi's bag” all the while. Honestly... but never mind. They'd made the detour for nothing... other than the fact that nobody pays any attention to anything ... none of my business. Their time, their gas, their problem. But it was good for me though: they came in as I was BUSY... cleaning... the laundry was all but done, the house smelled of cooking turkey. I was BUSY, BUSY, BUSY... FUCK! In about 20 minutes, they were off and on their way... AT LAST! - They left and I took a break to have some of the turkey that was in the fridge... left-overs... cooked. It's now gone. - By about 17.00 it was time to feed the brood and for me to have a sit-down something to eat. So I took some of the left-over potatoes, squash, onions, gravy, threw them into the nuker. When heated, tossed on some cranberries and had a rather large plate of that mess as the little ones had their dinner. When done, I put my dishes into the sink, took the turkey carcass from the stove, took the bones and such out, “pullled” the meat from the bones and put all the meat back into the casserole with the broth to re-heat. - 15.49 MESSAGE: “We're at the Canadian custom & Maryrose has to renounce her resesidence [sic] so we'll be here for a least 1 hr. I will call you Maryrose think she left her on phone on the table???” RING!!! She called. No. Maryrose didn't leave her phone here. How much longer will you be? About an hour. Yeah, well, we talked a bit until the connection died (thankfully). They were at HIGHGATE/PHILLIPSBURGH crossing! Hey! I told them to take the Champlain, but... fuck it really. (Not to mention: I'll be they'd have had a lot LESS... if any at all... trouble if they'd taken only a few things at a time and not an entire truck-full of shit all at once. And this “renouncing residence”? What in Fux name did that dimwit, feckless idiot, Maryrose tell them? Seriously! The stupidity and ignorance is just intolerable any more. Still... I wasn't with them, it wasn't my time, nor my money so it really wasn't any of my concern. AND... I'm willing to bet that now, Ms. M.rose will be losing her Medicare and such in the States. Serves her right though. Again, none of my business... They don't listen, they don't want to hear, they get what they get, what they deserve. Amen.) - At about 16.34 I sent a photo of the soup, meat and broth. Message reply “Fabulous (smiley face)”. I added another 2 cups of water and left it on to “reduce. Got to the dinner and soup dishes, washed and put up. Kitchen tidy. Put 10 coffee jars and the lids into the dishwasher on “Heavy” cycle to clean them properly. Will re-heat the soup (probably tomorrow) and jar it. If she (or anybody else for that matter) wants to add anything, she/they can do so by the serving. I'll have it all put up by the time she (they) gets back (on Monday... we believe at the present moment). - Meanwhile... the house is settled. All of the laundry is done. I'm exhausted and probably going to have one of them rye-and-egg-nogs if there's enough of both to be had. I worked for at least one. I'd like to have more... and a few v-tons, but there isn't really enough v to make a civil beverage. Maybe I'll mix it with something... later. - Furnace up to 70F for now. The wood-stove is only just being kept alive. There isn't a lot of wood left, so I'll just heat the house, clean the stove and prep it for Thursday when HLS returns from work. No sense in burning the wood and making more work for me. - I could use a nap but it's too early... maybe a doze on the recliner as the soup reduces and the jars wash and... what-ever. - WHAT a day! What a fucking day! - Now I have to wonder how Maryrose is going to make it back to the States... having now declared her residence in Ontario. Oh... these people and their ignorance. None of my business but it should be good for a laugh... for me anyway. And, meanwhile, hopefully that “frozen rain” in their forecast hasn't gotten there before they arrive and hopefully, by now they're almost there. 20.45 The house is settled, the phone rings... They're 91 friggin miles from Ottawa! 2 hours at customs! Maryrose's daughter says they need to take the truck directly to the motel. The “help” is in Montréal. Well... I always said I didn't like that Maryrose. Self-serving. Typical. - 23.16 Just got the call... “THEY'RE” (the THREE of them) at the motel. Imagine? Another trip: should have taken them about 3 hours... they left here at 14.30 (let's say)... 9 hours ago! (Like my trip to Monticello: 5,5 hours turned to 10. But... MY delays were because of uncontrollable weather... NOT because of my incompetence. NOT, mind, that I'm claiming to any “better” than anybody else... although, obviously, I clearly am.) Well... they're there, and as Jacquie said: That's what matters. - For me? Shower time! I've had 2 rye-'n'-egg-nogs. Nothing hefty. Just (hopefully) enough. - 24.06 SHOWERED... and it's SUNDAY... SHIT!

Sun.25.Nov: (Happy b'day Viv) 0.15 To bed to read only a chapter or 2 and hopefully... to SLEEP through the night until at least 8.00! - 8.49 and here's out late start to another day... raining and all... and I don't give a shit. - 9.01 and the morning “routine” is done. AND the soup is back on the fire to heat before being jarred. And it really is quite a perfect day for such a thing, raining, grey, not so cold but wet. - I've got the usual morning “tightness” of chest here, so I can verify that I am, in fact, awake. Lots to “clean up” on yesterday's entry too. And two letters to write to pack with syrup to the South. So? Let's get to it. Eh? (Or... go back to bed... That would be nice too.) - 11.34 and 5 jars of “soup: are up in the fridge. DONE! Now... onto the letters or... - 21.58 And “what have I done today to make me feel proud”? Nothing, really. I cleaned and re-set the wood-stove, emptied the ash bucket, fetched the mail (and now I have TWO “NRA” caps... BFD). I jarred 5 jars of turkey soup. I lounged about. I did NOT get the notes written. I'm going to have to simply enclose some photo-card or something at this juncture if the syrup is ever to get to where it's supposed to go. I warmed the left-over veggies for “meal” and had a turkey sammich as “snax”. And I've showered. The clothes are in the washer. The day went by... I didn't bother. And now I've got to get sleep and rest because tomorrow at 9.00, either Pam or Dave or both will be here and I'll have to take Mme.'s truck to the shop. She'll be rolling in at some point, though I don't suspect before noon... if that. (If Maryrose gives customs another bunch of bull-shit, they'll probably be detained or something. Dumasses.) Anyway... so be it for this day. Done. - Oh... happy, Viv. - That just about covers it. At least is wasn't bitter cold. In fact, a lot of the snow has melted already. Rain for the forecast tomorrow again. How charming. - I'll have to get to the market soon. And to Bedford for smokes. Wed. is soc.sec. day. BFD there too. I've got truck insurance AND repairs out of this one. And I NEED to get money to get the fuck out of here! Alas. So and such is... “life”... fuckit.

Mon.26.Nov: 0.32 and laundry JUST finished! AGAIN... ANOTHER plan for good sleep... fucked. - 8.41 DREAMS (x2):
The first was ever so strange and I can't figure why it would come to me now. It was all in the dark... night. A “living-room” of sorts, sparsely furnished, all the walls were painted white, almost nothing on them, and hard-wood floors in excellent condition. There was a “desk”, made of a door, at one wall, where I'd had a lap-top and on which I did my work. (Like the table in the little room?) Mum and I had some “tension” between us, but the reason wasn't known to me in the dream. It was just “there”. Mum walked into the room and started removing things from the “table” as I went about my own. When I returned to the room, the table was GONE and too, everything that had been on it. There was just a “dust mark” on the floor. I'd no idea where the table went or why it was removed but it seemed that I was being “removed” from the premises. Mum said nothing to me, going about her own agenda of doing what she'd done and having to leave to go to work. I lost my composure and began yelling at her, knowing that the sound would travel out of the building for others to hear. I complained about her attitude toward me of late, her arrogance and nastiness, her “cold shoulder” and silence and now this action of simply tossing me out, since that's what I knew she was doing. I actually called her a “miserable cunt”... to which there was no response. She merely kept moving about, as if I wasn't even present in the room. I went to what was a “laundry room” where I saw my clothes, tossed in piles beside the washer. I decided to check the other rooms to see where the “table” had gone to and all the other rooms were empty! Mum headed for the door to leave. There were other buildings on the property, almost like some sort of motel or bungalows. The siblings lived in those but there was no connection with them, no conversations, no communications. I “knew” that they weren't being treated the same way I was being. I was more angry than hurt but only a trace of hurt. I didn't know why I was being tossed, but took it all for granted that that's as it was and there was nothing I could do about it. I “HAD” to leave... and I HAD to leave before Mum returned from work. I had no place to go to, but that wasn't a matter of issue... And... I woke, it was about 5.00. I got up, went to pee, came back to bed, hoping to get another 2 hours of sleep at the very least...
In the second dream, I was at some sort of “ceremonial” gathering with a bunch of Dominican nuns. I was young, probably round about the age I was at St-Pat's. Sister Anna Bernard was there, dressed in a fresh habit, wandering about, “holding court”. The “ceremony” was held in her honour for something or another. She and I were known to be “close friends” and the attitude of the other nuns (Marie Anthony was there as well... still with a “higher position that the others) was of resentment, to put it best. I went to chat with Anna Bernard and she addressed me in the condescending fashion that Margot used to do, but she was “friendly enough”. I told her that I knew what she was doing (keeping the arrogance as a means of fending-off the hurt caused by the pomposity of the others... though I didn't speak on it). She asked me to take a bit of a “walk” with her, and as we walked away from the others, she took my hand and raised arms, still holding hands, as if to make a spectacle of the matter. Behind me I heard a nun say, disdainfully, “Look at her, holding hands and holding them high enough for us to see! As if she's boasting about it! She'll NEVER learn!” And the 7.00 alarm sounded... I woke.
Now... other than the being “removed from the premises” dream (which could damned-well be premonitory), I have to wonder what prompted these dreams. And WHY Anna Bernard with the dream-reference to Margot? Ever so strange. SOMETHING MUST be on my mind... or is to come. Associations? Well, the arrogance and total lack of communication of Mum could well be “HLS” because, indeed, keeping me informed about her trip to Ottawa certainly was of no importance to HER (and, obviously, still isn't). The reference to Anna Bernard? May have something to do with HLS's Maryrose, since that one was, I'm to understand, a nun (of some sort) at one time. Well... if I have the opportunity, this “analysis” should prove some-what interesting... - Meanwhile... Woke at about 8.15. - 8.52 Dressed and ready to “roll” along this morning. Left side of my neck is so stiff again this morning. My back is back “out”. Oh... the joys of the early morn! One of these days, I'll lay my head on the pillow, close my eyes and... that will be the last of all of this shit. - Meanwhile... grey and damp. Rain and snow in the forecast for here and Ottawa. No word from “her lady-ship”. Of course. - 10.11 And... the truck is at the shop. And when I got into Dave's car... “You'll have to earn your ride.” A flat-screen TV... from the Homestead to the Town Clerk. No “YUGE” deal, but I'm wearing my back brace. Still... one can't say that one can't unless one simply can't. So I did. Still... he's got a leg brace, I have the back brace... and yet we're toddling along. But it was “interesting” at the clerk's office. Lisa was exceptionally “nice”... I wonder why these cretins are being “nice” to me of late. Probably because I'm becoming one of the “old-timers” as the years pass, old folks die or move and here I am. What-ever. It's the old story of “prove your-self to us”. Never mind... that's how it is. - And now? I SHOULD get to this letter-writing... Let's see how that goes. - Still not a word nor blip nor byte of data from “HLS” (her lady-ship). NOT, mind, that I expect any. After all... she owes nothing to the “hise nigger”. Just as long as he (I) remain where expected. 'tis “the way of the manor”. - But I'm up. I'm mobile. The day rolls along. At least this morning's “routine” is complete. - 10.39 Caught-up with these entries... A “nap” would be fun but I don't dare... mostly because of my “back”... if I lay down to rest, there's no telling WHAT condition I'll be in when I wake. I'd lie to Hoover... at least a bit. Other than that... there's nothing pressing... save the letters! - 16.21 They're back. They're leaving. The truck alone cost over 600$, the motel about 200. This ordeal has cost HLS plenty. Has she learned a lesson? Nope. Typical. But now she and Yogi are heading out the drive... to get HLS's truck and Yogi to get back home. Me? I'm here again... through Thursday. - There's really almost nothing in the house to have as a “meal”, save a jar of turkey soup. I guess I'll have to go to the store for ice cream or something. - Well... at least it's all over... and done... and they made it back. - (And I'm down to the last non-extra pack of smokes. There are 2 in the truck... enough to last through until, at least, Thursday. I shouldn't go for more until Wednesday anyway. So? So...) - And the world continues to turn. - I'm tired... and STILL never got to the letters! - 23.08 Another late night but... fine. I'm not showering tonight. Instead, I'm going to “have a lie-down”... a “nap” of sorts. I've been drinking my hot water like a fish. My back is still sore. But the day is done. I had some of the “soup” I'd made. It congealed! So it has to be spooned out of the jar. But it's not bad. And I put 4 eggs into it, so there was quite a bit of “nourishment” that's easy to digest. 2 rolls with butter with. A pint of ice cream after. Calories and what-evers. - And so... this was Monday... a typical Monday. Now, I calc: 75$ for the regular Monday-Thursday (25$ per night for a “kennel”). Add Saturday and Sunday nights for another 50$. We're up to 125$. 5-7 Nov: 75$ 12-14 at 75$ 19-21 at 75$ and this month, just on dog-watching alone I've “paid” 350$ for my “keep”. Anything over that is over that. Normally, it's about 300$ per month anyway. So I'm not feeling so “moochie” at all. And nobody can say a word against me. Is that important? Not really. But it makes me feel better. - And now... I'll take a “run through” of soc.med. and get me to bed... for that “nap”. Tomorrow is recycling to the curb and MAYBE I'll take a bit of a trip to find some “snowman bits”. I'll have to ring Caleb and hope for an appointment soon, to look into the “grinding” on the truck. Oh well... oh just bloody well.

Tue.27.Nov: 12.17 IT'S BEEN ON HELL OF A DAY ALREADY! Didn't get to bed until 0.12 and woke, of my own, at about 7.26... laid in bed, trying to get into a comfortable position to get up and out of the bed with-out pain until about 7.46... actually, it was a bit earlier because the clock I use, the old ATT phone, is fast. But that said... I finally got up, got the little ones out and into ... INCREDIBLE SNOW! IT MUST HAVE STARTED FALLING AS I WAS GETTING INTO BED AND KEPT FALLING, NON-STOP THROUGH THE NIGHT! By about 8.30, all was done... little ones out and in and fed and me into the loo and dresses and all. From then on... it's been a lot of doing nothing much but watching the snow... that's STILL FALLING! And I've been taking photos and sending them off to Dennis, Dorothy and HLS. (A couple of comments back from Dorothy, but nothing from Dennis or HLS... Oh well... it's of no importance to anybody, really.) - Burt's been here twice already, to plow the drive but right now, as I type, there's precious little evidence of any plowing having been done. (Oh... PS: the recycling did NOT go to the curb... there'd be no sense in it... with-in moments it would have been covered in the snow anyway... and I seriously doubt that anybody's coming round for it today.) THIS TRULY IS ALMOST INCREDIBLE! BEAUTIFUL? YES. BUT INCREDIBLE... THIS AMOUNT OF SNOW, IN NOVEMBER! So I've abandoned all thoughts of “going” any-where today. Good thing I've still got coffee and smokes... and jars of turkey soup in the fridge... and not much else to eat. But that's not important either, really. - Well... gives me time to catch-up on the notes that I'd jotted for Saturday and never filled in and those letters I was supposed to write. If we don't get to what we should get to, something or somebody will see to it that we don't have any choice but to get to them... and today? Well... I'm not going any-where. - The furnace is still up to 70F. A fire in the stove would be “romantic” but not sensible, considering there isn't much wood left. And I'm NOT looking forward to having to stack more of the shit. Not with my “back” (or kidney or what-ever-the-fuck it is). Oh well... Fuck me once, and fuck me twice, and fuck me once again... why in Fux name not? - Time to move along. - I'd been down for a 50-minute “snooze” when Hallie came into the room all animated. She's in the yard. Minou is here beside me, whining about something. And me? I'm just in no mood for much of anything. Hey! At least I'm in the house alone... no “people” to whine at me. There's that. - 13.06, snow's still falling. 9 pages here on the “off-line” Journal. I suppose I'll use the time to post on-line and add some photos taken, of the snow... today. THEN!!! I MUST GET TO THOSE FUCKING LETTERS! - 15.04 DONE AT LONG LAST! IMAGES ON BOTH ON-LINE JOURNALS... I HAD TO RE-ORIENTATE THE FUCKING PHOTOS... THE FUCKING PHONE TURNS THEM HORIZONTAL! FUCKING BULL-SHIT. THE PHONE KEEPS TRYING TO CONNECT ME TO A FUCKING ACCOUNT WITH FUCKING VERIZON TOO. HONESTLY! I'M SICK ON THE INTRUSIVENESS! BUT... IT'S DONE! (So too, it would seem... the snow! At last! Now... I'm out to shovel... at least SOME of it!) - OH!!! And I've got “Boume FM 104,3 on the little radio. Imaginez-vous! ) - 21.11 (Or... 9.11 and I was just out for a smoke, on the porch, looking at all the snow-covered trees and shrubs and, for some reason, thinking of my American flag that I had hanging between the living-room windows at 3150 Rochambeau... and how, after 9.11, I'd gone through almost ALL the flag stores in The City to get one. Got that one, slightly used, for about 35$. I gave it to the little Nbg. slut. I wonder if she got rid of it. Qunt.) - Anyway... the walk has been shovelled and too, a path to the drive for the P.O. I sent a photo to HLS. “Yes I see MS hallie is enjoying the snow thank you for shoveling the walks guest my helping someone move is more than I can handle I'm very tired& we are short a staff so needless to say I can't wait for 10pm” with a little “sticker” sort of thing reading “I'm tired”. Yes... My reply: “Yes, it's tiring hen you do for somebody & it's taken fro granted. - Hallie & Minou had a blast in all the snow. & it's still falling. - Tough working times when most won't show for the job. 10pm not too far off. Get good sleep tonight.” Yes... Fukkit. - And the snow is still falling, though ever so lightly. - Today's “meal” was the end of the jar of soup with 4 eggs again, a roll with butter broken into it. Egg-nog for “dessert” and a bit more of that apple-shit in the fridge. I'm fine. 2 cups of hot water followed. (My “back” is giving me a bit of Hell tonight.) - And I've showered. Jammies washed. I'd had a sweat in them last night. Clothes tumbling as I type (listening to “Boom 104,1FM). - The little ones are off to seepie-nigh-night. (Boom is playing old Bélanger! “Ensorcelée”! I believe that was the first CD of his that I'd bought! Imagine... I have “memories” in music Québécoise! Imagine. Which brings me to recent thoughts....) - Dennis: Marry? I shouldn't think so. He doesn't like French... doesn't like any language other than English and can spew, poorly as it is, insults in Spanish. Doesn't like leather. Has no desire to travel... even across a border to Québec. I don't see it working well at all. Love can conquer only just so much. I don't see it conquering this much though. Good thing we got back in touch... and good thing we had the chance to chat about such things before mistakes were made. Sad? Am I sad? No. Not really. I've spent the incredible majority of my life alone... it makes no difference now. In fact, I believe I'd much prefer it. He asked me to accept his ashes when he dies and to spread them on the path to the pool at G's. I asked him to spread mine where the Main House used to be. He declined saying that our ashes should be together. So it goes. He truly is “typical Newburgh”. How sad... terribly sad. - So for now... just waiting for the clothes to dry... hoping for a good night of SLEEP! Tomorrow is “soc.sec. day”... errand to run, smokes to get. I had to go to the truck to get a pack this evening. Hopefully I won't have to open them. - My calendar tells me that I owe insurance this month. The letter I received says next month. At 20.00 this evening, a call from that flunky “program collection” place. I still haven't received the “return receipt” from the 1040 I sent them. I'm sick and tired of the bull-shit from people. And I need to have the brakes checked on the truck and the under-coat put on! Oh... money in... money out... mostly out... before it even comes in. Life. - But I have a nice reception on the little radio and the music is nice... and it's nice to hear French again. - And out-side, the temperature is dropping so the snow on everything will probably freeze over-night. Hopefully the roads won't. There are hills to traverse tomorrow morning. - I'd like to have a v-ton... I've got both... enough for at least one. I don't dare. I just don't. - But... at least I got so much posted to the on-lines today... with photos of the snow. (And a few messages from Dorothy who says she's still trying to kick the cold she had when I visited in Monticello. Oh well.) - 21.59 and tomorrow's “transactions” have been calc'ed. AND... I've got a bloody cyst coming on a bottom right tooth! WTAF? I haven't eaten anything that should start that shit! I brushed my teeth tonight! WTAF? I'm tired of all of this “falling apart” bull-shit. If I'd have put the money I've put into the truck into my mouth, by now I'd've paid full dentures! JEEZUS! - 23.27 and another “late” one... soc.med. But tonight, nice posts on Minds... the author page. Now... for some “snooze”! (Oh... 3 more tunes for the iPod too! Fransay!)

Wed: 28.Nov: 9.16 and up at about 7.58 to... a duplicate morning of yesterday. Nope, the snow didn't melt last night, the trees are still holding the snows of yesterday, and there's still more falling, ever-so lightly. How charming. Not. I've got a few errands that should be made (and there's no kitty litter in the house, and what's in the box is down to just about... minimum). Oh just fucking JOY! But I DO believe I just might give it a try... at least to the local banque to fetch my money (before it goes soaring off to somebody else, some-where else). I'm dressed, morning “routine” and ablutions complete. Trash collected, though I've no idea where to put it where it won't be covered by the time anybody gets round to collecting it from the curb. I'm just supposing I should ignore the obvious and toddle along, doing what I know I need to do. I figure I'll give it a couple of hours and see what develops. Noon-ish seems to be the finest I can hope for at this juncture. Alas and oh well. - But... honestly, I wouldn't trade this for not having it. It IS rather beautiful. It would be exquisite ... NOT in the state of Shitholia. - On we go. - At least I've calc'ed the soc.sec. correctly... and that's pretty much already gone... truck repairs and the likes. Oh well. - 11.19 And well... the “walks” are shovelled again, and a little path to the truck which I'm not going to take out for a while yet. The snow is still falling, lightly, but falling. I've gotten the mail. (No “return” from the 1040s yet... fuktardz.) Yesterday the recycling didn't go out. Today, the garbage won't go either. Tough fucking shit to all. There's room in the trash bag, the littler box is “cleared” and in the trash. I don't care. I just don't care. And so... the day rolls along. Lisa said this is supposed to stop at about 13.00. If so... I'll try to get my money. She said she'd gone “sideways” this morning, coming into town. I'm in no mood to “stunt drive” today. Shit will wait. - 11.31 Just chatted with Ev... very clear connection! Thankfully. They're having nothing but rain. Imagine? I still can't get over the difference... NYC doesn't seem so far away but... weather makes the distance obvious. Now... to figure what to do with the next hour or so... as we wait to see what Nature will slam us with... next. - 16.39 MADE IT! To the banque, to ACE (where I bought wind-shield washer for me AND a 6,00 in CIE MELT for this shit-hole, and another bottle of cedar for 8,00. Oh well... And then to the Dollar Store for little snowmen to disassemble for Donna and Debbie, to Hannaford's to replace the ice cream I owe HLS, some for me and 3 “pot pies” which are total shit anyway... but there's my “meal”. Rite Aid where I found my little lighters but the qunt had the audacity to “card” me! So I kindly said “Fuck you...” because I'd have to go to the truck and back and I headed to Dollar General where I bought FIVE of them, for slightly more than I'd've paid for 4 at Rite Aid.... Tah-fucking-dah and back to the shit-hole *** WHERE *** BURT WAS PARKED ON THE MAIN ST. END OF THE DRIVE AND Mr. DIMBALLS WAS PARKED ON THE IGHGATE ST. END! I HAD TO GO INTO THE PHONE CO. TO ASK BURT TO MOVE HIS TRUCK (GATES DID SO... KINDLY) AND Ms. LIDDIE BARNHOLE WAS SEATED AT THE “FRONT DESK”. NOBODY SPOKE TO ME IN THERE. OF COURSE, THOUGH BURT WAS PLEASANT ENOUGH, AS WAS I. STILL... IMAGINE THE FUCKING AUDACITY.... TO BLOCK SOMEBODY ELSE'S DRIVE! OH WELL... - And so, there's washer fluid in the truck now. And I noticed the noise and change in handling in 4-wheel drive. Louder and “clunkier”. BUT WE MADE IT! Now... I've got to ring Caleb and hope for some kind of appointment (before June) to have the slight “grind” checked. I find that if I pump the brakes, all is well. OK. So we shall see what's what with that. Now? FEEDING TIME AT THE SHIT-HOLE! - PS: The snow is still falling. - 18.08 Ate the 3 pies... the crusts didn't cook... they turned to “dough”! But... I ate them. Ice cream after. I'm feeling... “ick”. - THEN... couldn't get most of the stations on the TV! Thought? The snow that's beginning to slide off the roof. Thankfully, the “stake” I had last year to get snow from the roof was still on the porch. So? I tried. And? IT WORKED! And so? Every time the snow starts sliding from the roof, *SOMEBODY* (read: ME) has to go out there and knock it off. Well? It's why I call it “DOUCHE TV”. Morons. I said it would happen when the idiot moved the dish to the corner of the garage. “I'll just have to call him back to move it again.” said the House Idiot. Well? Moron. There you have it. (Honestly, I'm sick to death of these bastard in-breeds and their “better that you” bull-shit mentality attitudes. But it's never going to change... They're just organically incapable.) So I missed what I'd wanted to watch. But... there's the TV (for a while). - Looks to be an early night tonight. I've got that fucking abscess on the tooth and I forgot to get Listerine or something to “treat” it. So... tomorrow... a trip to some-where for just that. I have to make a deposit to the banque anyway... (I just have to figure how much... and how much I'll need for the truck repairs.) - I'm tired... but I've come to learn that with “anaemia” and the potential kidney trouble, it's to be expected. Something else I'll have to learn to get along with. With that and the spasms and the back-ache and the stiffness in the neck, and the abscess... it's getting to the point of “intolerable”. But... we roll along. - 22.39 and we're showered and ready for bed... again. I can't help but think (repeatedly): Constantly tired. Always tired. No matter how much or little sleep, no matter how “good” or “poor” the sleep, quantity, quality, there's just never enough of it. RBC? Probably. And now, the cyst on that tooth. The back pain in the side for over a month now. Oh... falling, falling, falling apart... I truly DO NEED to get out of here... away... where I can simply keel, in peace... alone. And NOT in VT... I HAVE to get back to the “home state”... THAT was my goal, dream, aspiration, ambition, hope, desire... “The North Country”. And I MUST figure out how. (Meanwhile, I'm sitting on a grand in cash right now... and it means nothing.) - Oh well. - Tomorrow ends the “holiday”... the “stress” returns. I KNOW, for a fact, that it will be her arrival, the whining about being so tired and abused by co-workers and her “friend” there, Ms. MR. And then? Off to the recliner... passing out to sleep... expecting me to simply continue on as if she hadn't returned... taking NO responsibility for anything. Yep... (I wonder if the cyst isn't just “stress”. I wonder if so much of what's “not right” is “stress”... I wonder... I don't care... I just wonder.) - Well... the day is done and I made my errands. Tomorrow... I need smokes, the banque, perhaps drop the grand and piss it away on “expenses”. 'tis that time of the year. And there's the truck too. - Meanwhile, the snow is still clinging to the trees, it sounds a bit like it's trying to melt, ever so slowly, but there's a noticeable chill to the air and the clouds are still low. There's a day coming, of clear skies... and minus temperatures. Of course there is. Oh well... But I got to speak with Ev today... though shortly, in addition to the shovelling and errands. All's well. - QUICK run through soc.med. and TO BED! I'll NEED the rest tomorrow. (Though, IF she goes to sleep on the recliner... I shall go to bed... perhaps to “nap”... perhaps to remain. I've noticed that I'm not noticed if/when I “nap”... So long as the “work” is done.) Oh... there's another shipment of fire-wood due. Gee... I wonder if I'll be consulted... as I never am. Qunt.

Thu.29.Nov: 8.17 Well, at 0.05 I headed to bed, read a chapter and lights went out. - At 7.50 I was up and into the loo where I put my clothes on as I pee'ed. Served breakfast to the brood, stepped out into the very grey and black and white world where the snow on the roof is sliding again. BUT, something happened to the remote for the TV last night and it's not working this morning so I can't tell whether there's TV or not. Not that I care, really. And if it's the batteries, there are none in the house. The remote uses the AAA and she's got 100s of AA and I'm not thinking of buying. This morning, needless to say, I'm in no “charitable” mood. I've got some Hoovering and mopping to be done, the kitchen is the way she left it and I'm just not in the mood. - When I put my jeans on this morning, there must have been some kind of vermin in it and it gave me a bit of a sting on the bend of the knee. Band-aid on that, with an alcohol swab of sorts. Oh... 'tis Thursday and here we are. - At least it's not bitter cold... yet. - The truck is parked beside the phone shed and I'm not moving it. IF I can get my share of air this morning at some point, I'll have to be heading out to some-where for something. Hey... the rest of them can block ME out or in, I'm not going out of my way to make life easier for any of them. “Do unto others as they've done unto...” - And so, another day commences. BFD. Time to get “rolling along” here... I suppose. - 9.22 Floors Hoovered and mopped. Done. Little ones are in the yard where they've been for about 30 minutes or so as I had a dump, scanned soc.med., checked the weather (1° today) and attended the floors. Now... to second smoke, second coffee and plot the day. (There was something I wanted to do... I DID manage to dump the ice cream... down the kitchen drain... stuff the container in the wood-stove... hopefully it'll be lit soon? But there was something else.. Oh well... it'll come back to mind... someday.) - 11.26 BREAK TIME! - WELL! at 9.30 as I shovelled the walk (I was working!) HLS rolled into the drive, grabbed her “choses” and came into the house, got right to making turkey soup. We chatted, have been chatting. Of note? I missed an envelope in the mail... from the hospital. Oh yeah! I've been SLAMMED!!! 2119$!!! Yeah well... I'm still waiting to hear about Medicaid/care... and we'll take it from there. They can't have what I don't have and I've got to get (my laundry clean... as is playing on the radio as I type... Nothing' Gonna Break My Stride... how funny... not) my cash out of the country and into the account du nord, to pay the bills for the services that matter... to me. And so, we re-hashed the Ottawa trip a bit. I never cease to amaze me when it comes to “people”. Got that MR pegged: self-serving. Oh well... It all goes back to the fact: we are abused only to the extent we allow. - Meanwhile, I've put in a call to Caleb. Now I can pretty much figure I won't hear about that. So I'll be getting into the truck in a matter of an hour or so and ... hope. I just have to figure how to split the cash AND what I want to get in Bedford (other than the smokes). Here we go. My “excitement” for the month. - And during all of this? My chest feels like there's a metal rod shoved into it. Nothing too horrific. Just a dull sort of “discomfort”. One of these days... one of these days. - Time to move along here. (Funny hahah... I mis-typed “along” ... “alone”. More to the fact of the matter.) - 22.13 WELL!!!! I got my smokes. I got my banquing done! I got to Metro. I brought back a bottle of “Tout le Monde” and “Maudite”, both of which were shared with HLS over a bowl of soup with the bread I brought to go with. And I was back by about 16.30! NOT BAD! Though... the “grinding” on the truck is a bit worse now... so I'm concerned. Yes... I rang Caleb's number and left a voice message... and no... I've still not heard back. So? So... looks like Mr. Greene is losing a potential customer. Alas. Ah but.... Insurance is paid to June now! Did so over the phone... after having to be on hold for 45 minutes with CIBC to be told that they “flagged” my first 2 attempts at paying because it was a “new” transaction that required to be to “authorise”... which I did and then made the payment. I'm actually quite thrilled about the inconvenience because it's good to know that SOMEBODY IS ACTUALLY PAYING ATTENTION TO MY LITTLE ACCOUNT! GOODNESS! - Anyway... that's that for the day other than... the rate that CIBC pays ME on my deposit is SHIT, compared to what they CHARGE me for my payments (1,28 v 1,36). I'm going to have to look, seriously, into some other way of handling this thing. - *** AND *** I HAD TO GO BEAT SNOW OFF THE ROOF AGAIN TODAY! AND I TOLD HLS THAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE THIS ALL WINTER NOW... unless the dish is moved... and I don't see her jumping on that... but I'll be sure to mention it to her tomorrow... I'm NOT going to spend the rest of the Winter beating snow off the roof just so that she (and Mr. Dimballs up there) can watch TV. - So... that's that for this and now... it's time for me to wind down... I'd LUV a “beverage” this evening but I still don't believe I should dare. I'm going to start taking that “apple cidre vinegar” tomorrow... and see if it doesn't help with the general pains and such. Don't try? Won't know. It was 1,99CAD so, no biggie. - OH OH OH OH OH OH OH!!! ALSO... THE RETRUN RECEIPT FOR THE 1040 ARRIVED TODAY! NOW LET'S SEE WHAT BULL-SHIT THE “PIONEER” WILL PULL! FUCK-TARDS. (I'm pissed because it cost me so fucking much to send them the shit... because their e-mail didn't work nor did their fax. Yeah... I'm QUITE fucking pissed at this point. But... we shall see... at least I have confirmation that all was received.)

Fri.30.Nov: 0.11 and lights OUT! - 8.50 and another day. Yep... almost 9.00. Just up and dressed and not giving a fuck. Last day of November... Tomorrow... December... 21st... Winter... No fucks to give. (I gave at the Metro... yesterday... bienvenue.) And... still grey. Still snowy. Still here. (Still tired.) Off we go... coffee time. - 10.57 and she's gone... took the truck to the mechanic... with-out a word. Yep... “consideration”. Qunt. Thanks. - 11.40 Got a call from Caleb and it didn't ring through. Here we go again! The no “ring-through”. Honestly! One of these days I'll just have to break-down and accept the fact that I'll need some sort of “service” for this other-wise useless phone. But it just doesn't seem necessary, since nobody actually calls me anyway. - Meanwhile, I was “light-headed” this morning, having nothing particular to do (except get the syrups together and out of here), and now, with something to do, it's “over-whelming”. I'm a fucking mess. - OK. Nothing to do until after 12.00 and then? Onto the roads... I NEED to get this truck together. Why? I don't know, exactly. There's no place I should be going to, no place I need to be to justify being on the roads. But... not having it is worse. Indeed. - Oh... if only to feel “whole” again... just for the next few (may they be so few) years to come... just long enough to get out of here, back to the “home-state”... and there... to close my eyes... once and for all time. Amen. - 22.06 AND well by 13.30 I was at Caleb's garage... he wasn't there but I waited, took some photos of the Missisquoi (nice too) and as I “browsed” through Skoozy's window... he arrived... Results? FULL REAR BRAKES! But amazingly, as I stood there, he called for the parts and in the time it took him to remove the wheels, the parts arrived! 90 minutes later, the job was done! THAT's the “good news”. He took the truck for a “test drive” and came back to say that the caliper on the rear passenger side has to be replaced. So he's ordering that tomorrow and will replace it then! And on one bill... which he let ride until the job is complete! Now... for the “horror news”: I'd put 420 aside to “live on” for the month... It just went into the truck! I've got 412USD in the banque now. Yes, there's the 200 in “stash”, which, I suppose, was for “emergency” and this is a sort of that. But... I was rather hoping for something not much more than 200 for the “brake job”. Oh well... better to have it taken care of. The strange thing: HLS had a full rear brake job done just this morning! It this “'tis the season”? Or what? Also, Caleb said he could do the under-coating but he prefers doing them in dryer weather because road-melt will wash some of it off and the sludge and such of Winter just gets lodged into the coating... and “seals” any dirt already there. So? Fine... something I can “put away” for... come the Spring... IF I'm still breathing then. I'm not too fond of having to get the work done on Saturday, but best, I suppose, to have it done ASAP, that way, if I want to get on the road at some point, for any reason, I know I can do so in safety. - Meanwhile, *** THE “REHAB” ON THE LOANS ARRIVED TODAY! As I'm reading along, there are things I seriously don't understand but... doesn't it figure... the notice/agreement arrived on a FRIDAY!!! DATED 21 NOVEMBER... POST-MARKED 26. WHAT THAT ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT ALL ABOUT? I WONDER! Typical dilatory tactics. So? Monday morning... business call. Meanwhile, at least I've gotten THIS much out of them. - Now? Medical. That's still waiting... sadly, I don't know if I recorded the date when I sent the application and that can take “30 days”. So? The ER bill will just have to wait. I might phone them on Monday... “might”. - So, before it gets to be TOO late... I must take my vinegar and get to bed. - Tomorrow, HLS will be in Richford for the day... Jesus-selling. The brake job should take 30 minutes which cuts and hour, with travel and such. But, there's a day ahead. I'm looking rather forward to it. - Oh... PS: I “fixed” HLS's phone AGAIN today. She was whining about calls not ringing through... she had the fucking thing on “silence”. Honestly... it's tiring. BUT... we had a peaceful day anyway... and fish wish rissole and carrots for meal. So? So... I guess we can count this as a “good” day. May the rest follow... through to Monday evening. - Amen.