Sat.01.May: (!!!!!14.12: YONAHTAUBE IS ON THE SERVER... UP... LAUNCHED... RUNNING... LIVE!!! AND AT 21.02 ALL THE PAGES save the Blog ARE UP... INCLUDING *VIDEOS*!!!!!)
JULIUS HAS OFFICIALLY REMOVED TO SARATOGA SPRINGS... (John Yavonditte!)
6.32(!) Imagine? And I'm DRESSED AND in from serving breakfast at the “out-back”, have opened Yonah's curtains, freshened the water in the pool, fresh food served, rinsed the kettle (there was GRIT or DUST on the inside last night... indicating, as far as I'm concerned, FILTH IN THE WATER at some point, which “causes concern” because, well, SOMETHING was WRONG with the water and there was no “notice” posted, and no “word” of it... FUCK). I soaked it with vinegar over-night, last. - THERE'S SNOW ON THE PEAKS across the road, this morning. The winds are still quite present, the “rafales”, quite brisk. 2°/-4°, so says the météo, high of 10° at some point, but there's a touch of sun in the forecast and only but a few “nuages” over-head. (And Cliff is back, arrived yesterday, and is out there, already, with the garden hose, spraying something on the “lawn”... after all that rain... oh well.) - I don't know how or why, but I woke at about 5.45 on the bed-room clock (which means nothing because NO 2 clocks around here have the same time at the same time... from bed-room to 2 mobile phones, which are “self-setting”... one wonders, considering the clock that USED to be out front, which was also self-setting, was almost NEVER correct... even to the “time zone”; one wonders what “time” actually is here, in New Russia). And I was up and about before Yonah, this morning. - DID have a nice shower before bed, last night and was “lights out” shortly before mid-night, and slept... right through... no loo-toddles. Ah, and woke feeling quite “OK” (which causes more concern because, if I wake with-out pain and feeling “rested” I surely must have died in my sleep... and since I'm typing this presently, I now wonder: is this the day I'll simply drop dead in the middle of doing some-thing?) Indeed, there IS the usual “rock/stone/large gravel” in the chest, centre-to-left, and in the throat. I AM still, a touch “fatigued”, as per usual, my nose is drippy, a touch, but other-wise, seems I've managed to have “made it through the night”. - This morning, I thought of Peter R. who once told me “You don't give enough credit to your 'gut'. It's what made you survive. You need to pay more attention to it and follow it.” I wonder where he is today. Probably, most likely, just like all the rest... dead. Yeah... I've “survived”... and can't imagine why. (Not “how”... “WHY”.) As Oma once said: “I've out-lived all my friends.” - Mean-while... new day, new month... “May”... “Spring”... snow on the mountains. But my day begins with the coo'ing of a Mourning Dove... right here. And we're going to be together a LOT today... I've “MUST” get that site up and rolling. (6.46... the “7.00” alarm sounds. The day is officially ON.) - Oh... and when I went out to put “breakfast” in the yard... Shitboi's car is in the drive. “11 more days, Bud.” Fuktard. - On-ward... not so much “kadima”... just... on-ward it is, then. - 7.26 After some strangeness... code-dropping, a discrepancy between THE Journal and the WP and the coded Journal on the lap-top... April 2021 is now “closed”. And... time for first “actual” coffee and a touch of a run of the furnace (there's a chill setting-in, though the skies are clearing... which makes sense any-way) and to get to YONAH Taube! Precious little one. (I'm thinking: I'm going to let her try her wings round the house. IF she has trouble flying... I'll just get that larger “cage”... the “dog cage” and we'll do our best with what-ever time we have together. “At the end”... she'll be “tossed” into the wild... I'll be “tossed” onto a trash-heap. BUT... WE'LL have done the best we could with what we had. I don't think of her as a “pet”... she's a “LOVE”! And perhaps there's some sort of fucked reason why we're together... 2 souls in a... Oh... what bollocks. Here we are and we'll be here, together. - Now... to roll and stop this procrastinating. - 10.58 It's been a busy morning... mostly wasted on an e-mail to Theresa, which could have been done at any other time, but, I was “inspired” and so, another “epistle” got composed.
*** MEAN-WHILE *** Mr. Julius is, in fact and indeed... REMOVING! Earlier, I happened to step out for a smoke (under the guise of removing the hanging feeder) and he drove up, stepped out of the car and said “Don't worry about me.” I hadn't noticed , but as he wiped his eyes, he'd been crying. “I just said 'Good bye to my grand-father.” Well, of course, I had to wish him well and give credit to his leaving New Russia. In fact, he confirmed, this IS the first time he's ever actually LEFT New Russia... Imagine? (I almost can't.) 28 years (or so) of living, residing, BEING in such a small, relatively remote little hamlet, tucked in 6 million acres of “wilderness”, literally “knowing almost every blade of grass and grain of dust”... 28 years of age and stepping (almost jumping) out of it! I'm reminded of leaving Newburgh and heading to Albany... pretty much the same way I'd left NYC to move to BTV, as I think of it. The major difference there is that Albany, to me, was still “small beans”. I'd grown up running the streets of NYC and The Bronx, alone and with mother. But I had NYC in the blood-line, so Albany really was “small beans” in comparison. BUT... for THIS little feller there, Saratoga IS a “city”, certainly MUCH larger than New Russia (which isn't saying much in the way of “size”). Considering the “largest city” he's accustomed to is Plattsburgh... well... “Life In A Northern Town”. And then he added “I'm glad we got along the past year...” Well, yes, “we” did... until you got associated with that... what-ever. Which brings me to another thought on the matter which isn't any of my business, really, but I can't help but think it, especially after last night's “shower thoughts”: With-out a firm, steady commitment, either one of “them” is free to simply pack-and-leave. Last night, I thought of Bruce... we separated simply because he removed to Florida. We were young, certainly young enough to relocate, pack-and-leave, move on, move along at whim. Thus ended the “relationship”, as it was/were. And then, over time, the correspondences stopped and it's been more years than some life-times since we last held any communication. In fact, I wouldn't know where to find him today, were I to want to (which I really don't). As for Julius, he's had only the year of being here to experience “Life”, as the shit-show it truly can be. And now, he's leaving what is, in fact, his entire “life”, and although it's only 90 minutes away (AND, its a MUCH different 90-minute drive today, along the Northway, than it was for me, in the 70s... it certainly isn't the “void” today that it was then) his “shelter”, that “new home”, is entirely dependant upon BOTH of “them”... him AND his “Morgan” (or what-ever). Should SHE ever decide to simply pack-and-go... he'll be in a position where-by HE, alone, will have to either try to “make it” or pack, again, and take to the road... probably 90 minutes North. Mean-while, his “base” here, is New Russia and his aged grand-father. Granted, Jeff will, most likely, make certain that the house and property offer some security for Julius, but... “Time”... Time fucks SO much. (None of this is ANY of my business, has NO bearing on MY existence... I'm just waxing... or what-ever... it just scratched and other-wise “healed wound” and the memories and emotions are oozing out of the wound.) - Listen! There are web-pages to get on-line! At least the sun is POURING in through the window and Yonah is in her little corner, basking. Her pool water is refreshed (2nd time today... there were pine needles in it and I want to make sure the water is CLEAN... she some-times drinks from it, not to mention her little “bathings”. Granted, in Nature, birds will drink and bathe in run-off and all sorts of water... dirty, stagnant, and the likes. BUT... as long as she's here, with me, there's NO reason or excuse why she can't have fresh, clean... as long as it is so... water), and she has broccoli this morning. The radio is on... She appears calm and comfy. I just hope the sun gives her warmth and what-ever else she needs from it. Precious little LOVE. HEY! Tonight, it'll be just her and me... together... alone in this house! (And Julius mentioned: in that bed-room, “The walls are made of plastic.” He may have meant “plaster” but... Seems, when he went to remove his lights and such, the wall peeled or some such. He says he patched and painted but... HEY! NO PROB! OH WAIT... HE SAID THAT JEFF HAD SPOKEN WITH ALDEN 2 WEEKS AGO TO LET ALDEN KNOW THAT HE, JULIUS, WAS LEAVING TODAY... I'M RATHER FUCKING-TOASTED: NO BOTHER TO CALL TO TELL ME THE PLACE WILL BE EMPTY? BUT... I DID GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY TO JULIUS THAT NOW I'LL BE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT ALDEN WILL “DUMP IN THERE”. I HOPE THAT GETS BACK TO THE MASS-HOLE! -OK... ENOUGH OF THIS... ON with the day AND the SITE-LAUNCH! - (And the reality of being in this house alone is hitting... and I have to say... I'm not really too thrilled... that place back there will be getting cold... not good for me in that respect.) - 11.41 WELL... IF THE “ALONE” ISN'T JUST ENOUGH... THE DRIVE IS EMPTY... THEY'RE EN ROUTE ON THE SOUTH-BOUND LANE... OFF THROUGH THE “HIGH PEAKS”... IT'S YONAH AND I NOW... (there's something about this... being alone in this house... truly, and the one thing that makes the “anxiety” just a bit harsher is the anxiety of worrying about what's to “fill that space next door”. “Time” alone, will tell). And Yonah coo's... My LOVE, my LIFE. -
22.02 YONAH IS NOW, OFFICIALLY, ON THE WEB! AND I'VE JUST LIVED ONE OF THE MOST HORRIFIC MOMENTS OF MY DREADS... I ACCIDENTALLY CLEARED THE “QUICKCONNECT” ON THE FTP!!! AND HAD TO TRY THE OLD “TRIAL AND ERROR”, SEARCHING ALL OVER THE DAMNED PLACE FOR INFO ON WHAT IN HELL'S NAME I NEEDED TO PUT INTO THE LITTLE “BOXES” TO CONNECT AGAIN!!! I STILL CAN'T REMEMBER HOW I FIGURED IT OUT, IT WASN'T ANYTHING LIKE ANYTHING I WOULD HAVE IMAGINED, BUT... AT LONG LAST, IT WORKED! I EVEN TRIED TO UP-LOAD HTML AND A VIDEO DIRECTORY DIRECTLY FROM THE GoDaddy SITE/PAGE! THE HTML WENT THROUGH... BUT THE “VIDEO” DIRECTORY WOULDN'T. I MADE SOME KIND OF “DOCUMENT” ON THE SERVER BY MISTAKE, THEN HAD TO SEARCH LIKE AN IDIOT TO FIND IT... THEN HAD TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DELETE IT OTHER-WISE, EVEN WITH THE FTP, I COULDN'T GET THE ACTUAL DIRECTORY ON! TOOK A SMALL ETERNITY! BUT... THANKFULLY... I MANAGED TO FUMBLE THROUGH AND, TO BE SURE, I NOW HAVE AN IMAGE COPY OF THE SCREEN CAPTURE WITH THE NECESSARY PARTICULARS ON IT! OMFG! WHAT A NIGHT!!! Between all the changes in the HTML rules, the new “tags replaced with styles and CSS”, then THIS little fiasco, I'm SO MUCH LATER into the night than I wanted to be. BUT... YONAH'S SITE IS UP, LAUNCHED, RUNNING, LOOKING GREAT AND I'VE SENT WORD TO THERESA AND GINA ALREADY! “YONAH TAUBE” IS ON THE WEB AND THE ETHER! BLESS HER!
MEAN-while... (I'm just in from a smoke on the back gallery in the darkness... refreshing... to be in “dark”.) - Another entire day working on Yonah's site. All so very much worth every moment. - Julius i now “officially” gone. The house is empty, save for Yonah and I. I'm having “one of my moments” getting “adjusted” to it again. This is the second time since I've been here that the house has been empty “back there”. I don't like it. Granted, it's nice not worrying about things bashing into the walls at 22.00, still, it's a “strange” sort of feeling. Reminds me of those nights in Richford... THEY were incredible HELL! I remember just pacing, from living-room-to-kitchen, and HOWLING in loneliness! And, when I actually stop to think... I'd gone to VT from the Shelter where I was never “alone”... to BTV where I WAS alone (but always busy, adjusting, adapting and acclimating) until going to Janice's, then to the Bellaire and to Steve's, then to Fran's, to Richford, back to The City with Schmulik, Gabbie, Eddy... THEN back to VT to 5225, to 5199... YEARS... YEARS OF SOMEBODY ELSE, ALWAYS, IN THE HOUSE. And then to here... with Joan in the back from July to January... February to April, alone here... then Julius and Hannah for about a year and... here we are... “a little place in the Adirondacks”... to my-self again. Although... there's a PRECIOUS LITTLE LIFE IN THE NEXT ROOM. Still, for some reason, this place just never felt quite “safe”. I don't know why... I think it's just that I don't trust these people for some reason... Their “mischief” keeps me “aware”. No telling WHAT they're capable of. - Of “fun note”... there were THREE cars and a pick-up with a “U-Haulit” behind in the drive today, helping Julius move. On the pick-up... a VERY pro-Trump sitcker and one of those “Calvin Hobbes pissers peeing on a photo of Cuomo! “Young Conservatives”! What a shame I never got to discuss that with Julius. I remember Hannah once saying, rather disgusted, that Trump's name was never to be mentioned in Jeff's house. Oh well... no matter now. But it was comforting to see. - In other “news”... I had one snooze all day today... about 30 minutes. I should be exhausted, but it's excitement and nerves that keep me going. And I have to be up and about until 23.00 at the very least because I didn't “take my meds” until almost 22.00! I got SO wrapped-up in the fracas with the server! No prob. Tomorrow's Sunday any-way. And I've been listening to “Radio Classique” as I've finished the working here. Very nice, indeed. -
YONAH NEWS: (I'll have to keep a “mark” of some sort now for that... since I'll be transcribing or re-noting on HER BLOG.) I kept the little door on her cage open all day today, hoping she'd use it and give another try to flying. She's HYSTERICAL! OR... THE LAST FLIGHT FRIGHTENED HER. She'd come to the opening, stand there looking at it, BUT WOULDN'T VENTURE OUT! I even put a little limb in front of it, hoping she'd be curious and try to perch... attached a little “cap” with food in it but... NOPE! She won't use that little door! I don't know why. But, the weather should be “fair” for a while so I won't have to have radiators on and the likes. I'm going to keep that little door open from now on when I'm here and awake and HOPE she'll try to fly. My GREATEST DREAD NOW IS THAT SHE CAN'T OR WON'T FLY DISTANCE! Yes, I'd LOVE to have her company for “the duration”, and I AM SO FEARFUL of her being back “out there” with the predators (animal and human alike). But to think of her forever separated from her flocks... breaks my heart right to the core of my soul. Well... there's still time. Besides, Tom came by to fetch his post today and told that Lake Placid got almost 16cm of SNOW last night! We were “lucky”. So COLD NIGHTS are still in the near forecast... It ain't July yet. And tonight, as I stood on the back gallery, I wondered... will she stay into the Winter this year? And if she does, do I bring her back into the house? Or, do I hope she'll head South or find a warm, comforting, PROTECTIVE mate or flock? I suppose the only way to know for certain is... “Time”... and all I can do is hope that I have the time she'll need. She got “tucked-in” at almost 20.00 tonight and whilst I worked out in the kitchen, she gave a “call”. I didn't answer and... she's been quiet since. If there is such a thing as “God”... I don't “ask” that she be blessed... I INSIST on it!
And so, it's only the 1st of the month and already, here, I'm on the 3rd page of this “document”! So much to say... to nobody, really. - Tomorrow... I'll fetch the clothes-line from next-door and re-tie it for me. I want to get to that “backing” for Yonah's cage when she goes to the gallery. I need a hair-cut. There's music to be put onto the iPod. Pass-words that have to be put onto the “spread-sheet”. File back-ups. “Stuff” that can be done to fill the day... and... there's Yonah... But right now... a little “tele” of some sort as I finish hot water and PopTarts and then head to bed... HOPING for a restful night! (Oh... the re-re-re-adjusting to the solitude. To think... all those years in The City... alone in the flats... but it was different then and there. I didn't mind the solitude of the flat and there was always somebody about, some place to go. Ah... I'm SO FUCKING OLD!) - 24.03 Off to bed...

Sun.02.May: AT 14.53, I WAS SNOOZING ON THE FUTON, IN THE LIVING-ROOM, HAD A 22-MINUTE ALARM SET FOR 14.55. I'D JUST STARTED COMING OUT OF MY NAP WHEN, FROM YONAH'S ROOM, I HEARD HER “CALL” (WOO-COO-coo-coo... which is her usual call) AND VERY SOON THERE-AFTER, THE SOUND OF WINGS... IN THE LIVING-ROOM!!! I OPENED MY EYES JUST IN TIME TO SEE YONAH FLY OVER ME AND THEN ACROSS THE LIVING-ROOM TO THE “ALCOVE” WHERE SHE “LANDED” ON THE FLOOR BEHIND THE CHAIR THERE!!! SHE'D MADE THE “FLIGHT” FROM HER ROOM, THROUGH THE KITCHEN, INTO AND ACROSS THE LIVING-ROOM! SADLY, SHE DIDN'T QUITE NAVIGATE THE OTHER END OF THE LIVING-ROOM AND HAD A BIT OF A “CRASH” INTO THE ALCOVE WALL BUT NO DAMAGE!!! SO I GOT UP AND WENT OVER TO HER, ON THE FLOOR, AND TALKED ABOUT HER SUCCESSFUL FLIGHT. THEN, AS I WENT TO PICK HER UP TO CHECK HER FOR INJURIES, SHE HUDDLED INTO THE SPACE BETWEEN MY KNEES AND MY CHEST! I LET HER STAY THAT WAY A WHILE AND THEN GOT HER ONTO MY ARM WHERE SHE STAYED, QUIETLY, FOR A BIT AS I WALKED AROUND THE LIVING-ROOM. WE WENT, TOGETHER, TO THE FUTON, WHERE I SAT WITH HER, ON MY ARM, AND TALKED A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. AFTER A WHILE, I STOOD UP AND MANAGED TO COAX HER TO MY SHOULDER AND I WALKED ROUND THE HOUSE WITH HER THERE AND GOT TO TAKE SOME “SELFIES”!!! (I look like complete SHIT these days... *** OLD *** and “decaying”.) WE WENT ROOM-TO-ROOM, TOGETHER AND WHEN WE GOT BACK TO HER ROOM, SHE TOOK OFF FROM MY SHOULDER AND WENT TO THE TOP OF HER CAGE WHERE NOW, AT 15.25, SHE'S STILL “PERCHED”, TAKING A REST FROM HER “ADVENTURE”! BUT SHE WAS ON MY SHOULDER, MY NECK, LOOKING AT ME, PECKING AT THE BACK OF MY HEAD, MAKING HER TINY “COO'ING” SOUND... NOT, IN THE LEAST BIT, NERVOUS OR AFRAID! WELL... TODAY, Ms. YONAH HAS BEGUN HER “FLYING”!!! AND SHE DOES QUITE A GOOD JOB OF IT! SHE OBVIOUSLY NEEDS THE EXERCISE THOUGH, AFTER 6 MONTHS OF BEING IN THAT CAGE. BUT... TODAY IS MY “DREAM COME TRUE”!!! SHE'S OUT OF THAT CAGE AND GETTING TO USE HER WINGS! DAY 1. THERE WILL BE MANY MORE TO COME NOW. (My precious little companion is getting ready to... “leave the nest”, as it were. I'm excited for her. Honestly... I AM excited for her.)
11.29 ALREADY! I've been up and about from since about 6.30, doing what I “do” of a morning... coffee, dressed, fresh water in Yonah's “pool”, serving breakfast on the back, morning smokes... the “routine”. And then, I got to Yonah's “Blog”... That means going through the Journal... this Journal, day-by-day, finding mentions of her in the massive texts that I tend to “jot”. As of now, I've only gone through October 2020, pulled the excerpts and managed to get only the 13th, her arrival, onto the site. But, I did take a 20-minute snooze from about 10-10.30 this morning. Yes, I AM tired! BUT, I have to admit, this morning, I'm feeling a lot better than I've felt in quite a while. I can't help but wonder if most of the “discomfort” hasn't been caused by the “Mega-C”. (As I was on the carsie this morning, I was reading through some article that mentioned somebody taking 20 grams/day and most of the comments that followed mentioned the “GI” complications and stomach upset. So yeah... it just may have been
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11.36 YONAH IS OUT OF THE CAGE... STANDING ON A LITTLE LIMB I ATTACHED TO THE FRONT OF THE CAGE TO SEE IF SHE'D USE THE SMALLER DOOR ON IT (FOR WHEN SHE'S ON THE BACK GALLERY)!!! IT'S ADORABLE! PRECICOUS! I'M SITTING AT THE LITTLE WORK TABLE AND SHE'S JUST THERE, PREENING AND LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM AS IF IT'S ALL SO FOREIGN! NO RUSHING TO TAKE FLIGHT. JUST BEING “COOL”... “HANGIN' COOL”, AS IT WERE. AND I'VE MANAGED TO TAKE VIDEOS AND PHOTOS OF HER... EVEN RATHER CLOSE... AND SHE'S JUST EATING AND PREENING... AS IF ALL'S PERFECTLY WELL AND FINE! - *********************************************************************************************************
11.44 continuing, as Yonah has a nosh on the limb... OUT-SIDE of the cage! - 13.11 WOW! AM I EVER GIVING-IN TO DISTRACTIONS TODAY! Let me see if I can't get a couple of moments to “focus”. (Having Yonah STILL out-side the cage is just too good to resist though.) - So... indeed, I have to note that I took the “mid-day meds” and sure enough... stomach! And just as I was noting this morning's “findings” on the subject-matter. Likely the combination of the 'acid” of the vit.C and the pills... on a mostly-empty stomach. I shouldn't doubt there's the beginnings of ulcers in there. But then, a Doctor (as if) posted that there's really no definitive evidence that Mega-C WILL cause complications. Some folks get them, others don't. Still... admittedly, that's a lot of “acid” in the stomach and the pills are large and hard so... As the doses decrease, if the stomach trouble decreases... there we have it. - MEAN-while... I've changed Yonah's “Blog” page this morning. AND... I TOOK 2 MORE VIDEOS... HER, OUT-SIDE THE CAGE, AND POSTED THEM ON THE SITE ALONG WITH THE UP-DATE TO THE BLOG. BY THE WAY, SHE'S STILL ON THAT LITTLE LIMB. SHE'S BEEN EATING, PREENING AND SNOOZING! AND I GET UP FROM THE TABLE, WALK ABOUT, LEAVE THE ROOM, RE-ENTRE... I CAN GET SO CLOSE TO HER AND SHE DOESN'T APPEAR TO CARE. SHE DOES STARE AT ME THOUGH. AND IF I GET MY FACE “A LITTLE TOO CLOSE”, SHE'LL LUNGE. SHE DOESN'T LIKE “HANDS” EITHER. BUT OTHER-WISE... SHE'S JUST AS FINE AS SHE CAN BE. - The temperature out-side today isn't all too bad. If the sky would clear and the “breeze” would stop, it would be MUCH nicer. And it's drizzled a couple of times. *** THERE'S A MINUS 1 FOR WEDNESDAY NIGHT AGAIN! FUCKSHIT! *** - Earlier, as I sat here, I heard “thumping” next door... so I got up and went to investigate... “Mrs. Shit”'s father and brother are back to remove some more stuff. We chatted. Apparently, yesterday, Mrs. smashed into a raccoon, on the Northway en route South... $2k in damage to her vehicle! The “cat” and something else. I can't imagine the size of the coon! The worst of it... those 2 “Yungunz” just had to shell-out $3k just to get the new place! Anyway... it was a “charming” chat and I was almost tempted, when the old guy (the son was with) said “I'm the girl-friend's father”, to say, calmly “Just to say, things here were perfectly fine and civil until SHE started moving in.” I refrained (more like “stifled”). But I DID get “my” clothes-line off that back gallery over there. I was looking at the little “solar lights” and such, and the shit on the back gallery and was slightly tempted to clean up. Good thing I didn't. No telling what “they've” come to gather. (I just wonder where the stuff is going... I doubt they're going to Saratoga today... at this hour, in this weather... drizzling and windy.) None of my business though. - And so, there we have the morning and now it's slamming into the after-noon. I took my mid-days with left-over coffee only. No “noshing”. I just don't want to be bollocksed with “prepping” and such. And there's more than enough (aside from this Journal here) to keep my “occupied”. (I have the backing for Yonah's cage on my “To Do”, but honestly... I don't see the need to rush and I'm getting “snoozy” again.) The only thing “on sale” this week, at market... “Cabot” butter and “Friendly's” ice cream... I don't NEED the butter but I'd like some. I SHOULD have gone for more Perry's too but there's quite a bit in the freezer already (and when it goes off sale... the market has “FRENCH” vanilla, which I like rather best anyway). - And so... 13.32 I'm heading for a snooze before editing PHOTOS! (It'll be interesting to see what Yonah does whilst I snooze...) - 15.29 Got that snooze... but HAD to put the entry at the very beginning of today's post. And even now, Yonah is perched, quietly, a-top her cage. Precious LOVE! - I'm sorting through the next batch of photos to post and another video... another 96 photos and a video... (another 96 pages of photo to code). - 20.36 Yonah is “in for the night”... but I'm concerned... she was almost sleeping down in her sand when I went in at 19.00 and she didn't want to go to her perch! I made her a little “nest” from the green flannel, so she has a place that's soft and will be warmer for the night, and I put it on her little “corner shelf”. She didn't like it very much and went up onto her perch. BUT... when I reached in to try to coax her to the corner, she actually let me pick her up in my hand! SO... I'm wondering... was her “flight” today a bit “over-taxing”? After all, truth is, she hasn't flown in almost 7 months. I can only hope that's all it is. BUT... when I put her back into the cage this evening, at about 17.00... she ATE and ATE and ATE. So she has an appetite and will eat... that's a good sign. I closed her curtains, put the cardboard up at about 19.20 this evening, put her radiator on at “5” and closed the door to her room to keep the warmth in. It isn't supposed to be “brutally” cold tonight, but... for her “recovery”, surely she'll need the warmth. I'll just have to wait until morning, I suppose. I don't like the idea but... - I posted some music to “G's” Minds account this evening. Haven't been there in the longest and when I checked the “wallet”... the just-slightly-more-than 600 “tokens” that have been there all along are now worth (according to Minds... almost 1200$! Problem? They have to be moved from “Off-Block” to “BlockChain” and THEN, in order to sell them, there's something called “GAS”... “Ethereum”... or what-the-fuck-ever that has to be paid some-how... and THAT runs into the THOUSANDS of DOLLARS! So... essentially... those “tokens” are worthless. But OH, what I could DO with that 1200 right now... or ANY time, for that matter. Oh well... it's all bull-shit anyway. Easy come... easy go... can't get “money for nothing” and the tricks ain't free. - Whilst on-line, down-loaded a few more songs I've heard of late and got the chords for some tunes. Trouble is... I can't get the guitar to stay tuned! I'll have to look it up and see why and hopefully be able to repair. - And so, another night comes rolling in... thankfully, there's NO concern about “THUMP” on this one. - OH... Spoke a bit with Alvin this evening... that “friend of Nancy's” is 71 years and (allegedly) quiet. Yeah right what-ever. I DID get into the place next door. Those “LED Lights” that Julius said he had on the wall? It's TAPE and YES, removing it will remove paint and the paper from the plaster-board! SO! We shall see how that rolls... and whether I'm asked to do the work. (Though I've a feeling somebody ELSE will be doing it... since the “left-behind aquarium” has already, according to Alvin, been taken.) I was looking at the washer and thinking I might try to get it... in lieu of the stove I don't have or... simply make it “non-functioning” some-how... just because, at this juncture. The appliances over there are nicer than those here, but that's probably because that place was “Joan's”. Oh well... we shall see as time goes by. - I'm late taking the 20.00 pills... by 30 minutes, because I was playing the guitar for a while. I remember: My long difficulties began when the guitar playing and singing stopped. Oh well... I've taken the pills at 20.30 and will be in bed in short order now. A little tele and that's that for this. - Three days of rain to come... and then the PLUMMET to -1° on Thursday night and then... 10s and 15s for the daily highs. Alas... Poor Yonah! - You know... today just seems like a DREAM... something that never really happened. (I MUST get the photos and vids to a server as back-up! Will do that now... then back them up to a peripheral tomorrow and keep only the ones on the site.)

Mon.03.May: 6.49 Up just before the “6.00” alarm, of my own. Not sure when, exactly, I went to bed last night but I believe it was close to but before 23.00. I was watching “Mock The Week” and, at one point, put my head down, at table, and dozed, so got up, brushed teeth, computer off, “Good-night” to Yonah and went directly to bed... and to sleep! Not sure, but I think I had one loo trip. Odd, I can't really recall. Next thing... my eyes opened and I heard the “morning call”. A moment next, the alarm and up I got and on the morning roll... kettle on, coffee in the press, quick trip to the loo, open Yonah's curtains, take her “pool” for water change... Changed the kitchen roll on the “pool side” of her cage, had “morning pills” (which is when the stomach upset commenced... yes, it's the PILLS), fresh water in the pool, fresh water in the drinking water... Took the kitchen roll out back to where I'd already served breakfast this morning, as I did the other tasks, had a half smoke whilst. And looking at the clock on the stove... it was barely just past 6.15! Simply a matter of “lean forward and... KADIMA!” and it all just literally “rolls” along. - That said, I'd noticed yesterday, that Soc.Sec. had arrived at the banque already, with “post date” of today. SO... the “budget forecast” had been, pretty much, done yesterday. Gas bill and loan to be done as soon as I'm done drivelling here. I'll need a “quick trip” into town at some point today, in the grey and drizzly. There's about 100 pages for photos that need to be done for Yonah's site. - And Yonah? She appears to be OK this morning. She called. She was on her perch when I went in. She's on her little “corner shelf” by the moment. But she seems “dozy”... “snoozey”. I don't “know” that she injured her-self yesterday, with all that flying about, but what-ever it was, it took some of the “starch” out of her. We'll have a calmer day together, today. - And so, with that, a weak coffee at hand (I don't know how, but this one looks a bit like “dark tea” this morning... ICK!) and we're off and running. (And I'm feeling just that... a bit “off”... the brain's a touch on the “scrambled” side, some-how. Oh well...) - 7.25 Budget done. Gas and Inet paid. Interbanque done... Current bills... done... Imagine? How fucking “responsible”! As if it makes ANY difference at all in my existence. Now... on with the (shit)show du jour! - 13.18 OK! Made a literal RUN to DamDoll and market at about 11.30... got back, put the groceries up (was in such a state in the market that I got the “SALTED” butter... DAMNIT, BUT I'm NOT going back to replace it... I'll use it to make the shortbread cookies I've been meaning to make... for about a week now), and, since I had my boots on, headed directly out to get fresh “trees” for Yonah. Ah... AS I walked out the back drive, the “PO Carrier Qunt” was on the Hill! I wanted to just go down to the river BUT... rather than have to pass that shit-shag, went down to the usual place, down the main. Not bad though, got very nice cuttings AND some moss that I've wanted to include in Yonah's place anyway. (It's laying on a piece of cling, in the living-room, just to check for “bugs”. When it's “cleared”, I'll have to figure where to put it in Yonah's place, but, at least I have it.) Directly, came back, “installed” the new “trees”, made a tea and am in with Yonah... for the remainder of the day, which isn't long... WHERE, IN FUX NAME, DOES THE TIME GO? - Oh... this morning, brief “chat” with Theresa, on Minds. Honestly... these people who can post their shit on public forums but can't pick up the phone, dial a number and speak. Never mind. - OH... AND BY 7.30-ISH... BILLS WERE PAID THIS MORNING! - AND, today's post contained one lettre... from the DSS... My Medicaid is “extended”... what-ever that means, other than, I have it. (Now... as for the abattoir... I just might take one of the “agency's” calls and lay them out since the abattoir didn't file with Medicaid for that abuse they provided when I made the mistake of visiting.) - Meanwhile... I've got the little door on Yonah's place open again as I sit here. I'd opened the large one earlier and came in to see her at it, staring out, as she does. But the little one still doesn't make sense to her... yet. Well? If she decides to come out, so be it. If not... so be that. - Now... I'm working on the next 100 pages for the new photos from yesterday. Let's see how far I get with that today. Eh? - Still overcast, sadly. Not terribly cold though, thankfully. 10°... the “high” for the next week, at least. Alas. - 21.52 It's been a FULL day! There are an addition 100 pages for more photos coded and waiting for the images to be included. Yonah's “Portfolio” is quite a bit of work! AND... I've started notes for the “Care and Tips” page. Worked ALL day, save meal break, with her. At 19.30, it was “curtains time” and I moved to the kitchen to “reconcile the books”. (Thankfully, they're “reconciled”.) And have wasted some time on “Minds”... with Theresa, mostly. Saw that G's is, with the “tokens”, now worth some 1400$ or so!!! What a fucking shame I can't simply convert it all. But... what the Hell. - 8° out there tonight... Still -1 for Thursday night. - I THINK I got a TICK whilst wand'ring about in the woods today! A little black bug, “tick-like”, crawled out from the sleeve of the fleece. I couldn't just squash it so it went into a bowl of hot water in the kitchen basin... sunk almost immediately and died so it might not have been a tick. But... now I'll be carefully watching the moss I brought in! (If temps drop to -1 on Thursday, I'll put the moss out. I'm NOT putting it in with Yonah!) - Anyway... was late with nightly pills... 20.30... so had to sit up a bit. Am going to shower before bed tonight! (And the clock hits 22.00! so I suppose I should get to it!) - More work on Yonah's site tomorrow... and I NEED to make a feeder for the birds in the back yard... to keep Alvin's cat away from them! (Oh... in our chat yesterday, Alvin mentioned that Vivian went to Catholic school... and he claims HE got a “better education” in a NYC public school than she did... Yeah? Must've lost it all in Nam... fucking anal wart.) - Time to toddle. - 24.06 and here I still sit at the kitchen table! FUCK! I need a shower before my “nap”, and a “nap” is what it's going to be! Got caught-up with a little bit of soc.med. and when I went to “glean” e-mails, there was one, in particular, from Theresa about her feelings on social media and leaving Minds and such and it brought back “Mark”, Mr. Homelessness and that fuck-up. Well... my response wasn't “brief”, sadly enough and then I got into searching for Mark who's still at it all. Well? I did it to myself (again). And so now... almost over-tired... it's time to get to a quick shower (hopefully) and to bed! - Oh... and there was a brief couple of moments just a little while ago when Yonah called-out so of course, we had “chat time” and yep... she's calm and quiet again. My MOST PRECIOUS little one! There's MUCH work to be done on the site tomorrow. Thankfully, I've no cause to leave the house and we'll have the day together again... ALL day this time! (Unless I get to making that backing for her on the gallery AND a RAISED feeder for the birds in the yard!)

Tue.04.May: 7.19 AND... “Morning Routine” is complete... and there's a basin full of “whites” on the soak as well. Even breakfast has been served in the back meaning... I'm clothed. And it ain't easy. I half-woke before the first alarm, heard it, turned it off and laid, trying for more “rest”. Yonah called, and called but for the next 30 minutes, I attempted “rest”. But, at second alarm... round about 6.25, I was up and on the move. I was thoroughly showered and in the bed by about 1.00 this morning and laid there, comfy, but not falling asleep for what seemed, the longest. So last night's “bed” was more a “snooze”, more of which I will, not doubt, be taking, through this grey and drizzly day ahead. The good news: there's no reason to leave the house and most of what I “need” to get done is on Yonah's site. So that's just fine. Work, snooze, work, snooze, lunch, work, snooze... and as for “meal”... that will take care of itself when the moment arrives. All the left-overs are done. (But I won't be backing short-breads today... Nosirree, to be sure.) - “Heavy” in the chest again, this morning too. Ah well... there's “discomfort”... I woke to another day. - Coffee at hand, time to move along. Further news as developments come in. - 16.52 With the exception of only 2 “snoozes”, one at 20, the other at 30 minutes... I've managed to stay up and awake and work on “YonahTaube.com” pages ALL day... IN YONAH'S ROOM... WITH HER! WHAT A GLORIOUS WAY TO SPEND THE TIME OF A DAY! Oh yeah... checked the post... nothing, thankfully. And I digressed and diverted to e-mail... took 40 minutes for “lunch” and pills and... yep... ALL DAY WITH YONAH! And the little door on her cage has been open all the while. Only once did she come to check it out. I've put a rock by the door, to help her get up to the opening and she got on it, then up on the “perch” I attached yesterday evening, looked round and decided... “Nope... Not going out there today.” No prob... precious little one. One of these days... and there are more days like today to come (including the bloody clouds and fucking rain). - And now... I'm putting the latest photos onto the “Full Page”... and then will put them into the “Refreshing Pages” (how cute... “refreshing pages”... well, they do... “refresh”... to move forward) this evening. And once the new photos are loaded to the servers... there's the “Blog” and the “Care” pages, primarily. And then we go to “maintenance”... AT LAST! (Theresa admitted that she'd “glanced” at the site but never took the time to actually look through. Oh well... “women”... I always remember Bob saying “EVERY MAJOR NEGATIVE incident in my life has involved a woman in one way or another.” How true... how true... how true.) - OK... Noodles and veggies for “meal” this evening. It's on the hob and I need to get to it and then... BACK TO WORK! - This day, as others of late, has gone by entirely TOO quickly! (And my eyes too... for that matter... fuck.) - 19.40 Yonah is just “tucked-in” for the night. The house is REALLY QUITE WARM! It's a most dreary 12/11° out-side... Wee got all of MAYBE 3 minutes of hazy sun-shine all day... and that, at about 16.00! I've had Yonah's “Spectrum” light on all day but... it's not SUN-SHINE! - HOW-EVER... ALL (except today's) PHOTOS ARE ON THE SERVER... AND THE “WHOLE PAGE” PORTFOLIO IS ON, UP, LINKED, RUNNING!!! I EVEN BROKE IT DOWN, WITH LINKS, TO “MONTHLY”! THE ONLY TASK RIGHT NOW IS TO PUT THE 98 PHOTOS ONTO THE INDIVIDUAL “CAROUSEL” PAGES... and I'm “thinking” about that now, as I sit at the kitchen table, rather tired. Another FULL DAY of coding and site-building! BUT... AND... ANOTHER FULL DAY WITH YONAH!!! So THAT'S an indescribable BLESSING! - Out-side... the Reiners are away... Cliff's back in PA... the Bradys are in the house as are Eric and Meghan... the “Business District” is SO CLOSED! And it's WONDEFUL! And tonight, I revel in the fact that there's nobody “behind”. PEACE! - The SHIT part of the moment: RAIN, RAIN, MORE RAIN, THEN EVEN MORE RAIN, RAIN, RAIN!!! IT'S ALMOST A FULL WEEK OF IT TO COME! I WANT SUN-SHINE... FOR YONAH! And Gina sent an e-mail today saying she's been so busy “working out-side” in 20s! WTAF? Oh well... It's fine... I spend the time with Yonah... who's calling, for some reason. Time for a “chat”. - OH... the loan got paid today... BILLS ARE CURRENT!!! WOO-HOO! (Who actually fucking cares, really?) - PS: The Town Clowns where at “the park” this morning, at about 9.00-ish... IN THE RAIN... One with a chain saw, “trimming” the trees and brush. IN THE RAIN! Next, TWO of them with mowers, mowing the grass... IN THE RAIN! Honestly! Where DO these dolts come from? But, at least they didn't kick the dust like they did last year... at 6.30... on a hot morning, when I had the windows open. Still... in Winter they plough nothing from the road. In Spring, they trim and mow in the rain. WHERE DO these dolts come from?

Wed.05.May: 7.23 Last night, in bed by 23.00... before 23.00... got some-what comfy after a while, finally slipped into sleep when... a slight contraction of the left thigh... only slight, momentary, and back to sleep until... 1.50-something when... acid reflux! Well SHIT! So up, to the loo, have a pee, rinse the “gnash-guard” thoroughly, and my mouth and throat and back to bed where, almost immediately... back to sleep until... first morning alarm, which I “snoozed” instead of “offed”. No prob. But I seriously didn't want to get up or out of bed... just yet, and it was quiet in the house so... I dozed until... second alarm, which I turned off and dozed back to ALMOST sleep until... “WooHOOhoohoohoo”... Sweetness was awake! But I just almost “couldn't” wake up! SO exhausted! WELL... FINALLY, at ALMOST 7.00 (perhaps 6.45 in reality, since NO 2 clocks in this house keep the same time), eyes opened, covers to the side and I was up and mobile. Rinse the “gnash-guard”, kettle on, to the loo, in to open Yonah's curtains, remove the “street-light blocks”, grab the bucket, drain and remove her pool to be cleaned, into the kitchen, coffee in the press, rinse the pool, containers of fresh water, hot water into the press, put the cleaned pool back into Yonah's house, bring in the fresh water, have first coffee with pills, flush the pool, replace the water whilst freshening her drinking water, pool pump on, fresh water delivered, get me dressed, gab some food for the birds in the yard, out for half a smoke and feed the birds (I can only tolerate a half-smoke in the morning, of late)... a glance at the stove clock... 7.05! WHAT? HOW? The morning routine was done and it seemed I'd only JUST rolled out of the bed mere moments before! And it's 12/11° out there this morning which feels almost “tropical”... because the air is WET!!! Clouds in the sky, the météo claims 94% humidity but it FEELS like being surrounded by water... but this “no sun-shine” is playing on my nerves! YONAH NEEDS SUN-SHINE! And too, I want to wash the bed-linens so I want sun for that as well. Today's “high”... 15° and NOT A SINGLE INDICATION OF ANYTHING BUT CLOUDS AND RAIN! And tomorrow night 2/0° but there are little “suns”... AND BLOODY CLOUDS through the week! Oh... what to do? NOTHING! Simply move along. - TODAY! Photos and videos onto Yonah's web-site! The “carousel” photos... 90-plus more (with me in some of them, that I wasn't going to post because I look like absolute SHIT, but... I AM OLD... and I DO look like SHIT and so... there we have it; it's not a “dating” site... for me, so...) which means A DAY WITH YONAH! YEAH BABY! There's more than plenty to do to keep me “busy” so... off we go then... and 2 shirts to be laundered which I can put on the rack, in the shower... no prob. Things... to do... to be busy. - It's Wednesday already... and FS come on Sunday... thinking of Plattsburgh... Hannaford's... thinking (and that's never “good”). - OH! And last night, for schitzengiggles, I went through the “channels” I have on “Minds”... to check the “wallets” on the accounts that have been accumulating “tokens”... just to see what “dollar value” is associated with their “tokens”... from 7 “channels”, the total of the “tokens” is 2516,07... the “dollar value”... *5311,70”! which I can't access because I have NO idea WHAT the “key” is for a “wallet” on a “block-chain” to convert this to “Bitcoin” which wouldn't do me any good anyway because in order to DO anything with this shit, it could cost me 50-70 dollars up front and THEN I'd have to find some dolt who wants to buy this shit... with “fiat” (cash) and to be honest... I'm NOT in a mood nor mind. So...there we have it... (I could “bequeath”... OR... I could invest in Yonah!) OK... there. I'm off to the day at hand and “reality”. - 15.29 YONAH WAS OUT AND ABOUT AGAIN TODAY, AS I WORKED ON HER SITE TO ADD MAY'S PHOTOS AND VIDEOS AND THE LIKES! SHE SPENT MOST OF THE TIME A-TOP HER CAGE, BUT WHEN IT GOT TO BE ALMOST 14.00... SHE HADN'T GONE IN FOR LUNCH SO... IT WAS A BIT OF A TASK GETTING HER BACK INTO THE CAGE TO EAT, BUT SHE EVENTUALLY HOPPED ONTO MY ARM AND... SHE'S BACK “HOME”... RESTING AND RELAXING. - MEAN-WHILE.... I've had a LOT MORE WORK than it SHOULD have been, getting the photo page and the “carousel” pages together... what should have been a mere 50 pages or so brought me back to the numbers 206s, and then the 280s needed tweaking... then the 300s... and now... NOW... I'm going to add to the already 400 PAGES for the “carousel”! NOT, mind, that I mind... but... WOW! WHAT A COLLECTION OF PHOTOS! No prob... keeps me occupied (and my eyes open entirely too long... which is causing them to dry which is causing blurring... alas). But I've only JUST managed to get the pages and images and videos onto the server and create a complete back-up of what's on the server (which I'll have to back-up to “peripheral drives” BEFORE THIS LAP-TOP SHITS THE SHEETS)! - Speaking of sheet-shitting... I DID managed to wash 2 shirts this morning... now on the rack in the shower. But MY sheets NEED to be changed and laundered and I see NO “promise” of sun-shine nor a NOT-rainy day ahead! FUCK! (Oh well... I CAN just swap the sheets... there IS another set, I'm just being ignorant.) - And “meal” tonight will be... fritatta. No prob there, I would imagine... after last night's “reflux”. Eggs and veggies it is then. - So, for now, as the drizzle falls out-side, Yonah is resting to the recordings of the birds, and I'm on the verge of... I don't know what. It's been quite the day! AND... IT PASSED TOO FUCKING QUICKLY AGAIN! - 19.42 (a year that “rings”) Yonah is “tucked-in” for the night. Poor little sweet-heart... She had another day of “flight”, short though both attempts were. She never left her room. BUT what CONCERNS me now is that she's not flying a smoothly as she used to. And there's that one feather on her left wing that never grows properly. There's the “blood” or “pin” feather that comes in and seems to “break” before maturing. And the one feather that's as large as “normal” but always looks ragged. I wonder if her injury didn't cause trouble with those and that they might hinder her in flight. If so, she'll never be able to fly fast enough to escape predators! And THAT weighs ever so heavily on my heart. Yes, I understand that, had I not “intervened”, she would have perished, eventually. Either from “natural causes” or, (and this makes me physically pained to think) a predator would have “taken her out”. “The way of Nature”. BUT, the fact remains: I brought her in to protect and help her and now... well... I CAN'T just toss her out there and hope she fends for herself! Now I wonder: did I “meddle” where I shouldn't have done? Well, she's here now, and she's healthy, other-wise. AND... I notice that she “roosts” by the open door of the cage when I leave the room for lunch or what-ever, and she's so relaxed when I'm in the room. And when I leave to take a snooze, in moments, she “calls” until I “call” back. She might not trust me completely, but it appears I'm her “flock” now... her “companion”. And so, I'm most seriously planning on getting one of those “kennels”. They're larger than “large” bird cages, and considerably less expensive for the value of space and size. The spaces between the “bars” are larger but not large enough for her to get through and, especially at night, run the risk of injury, trying to navigate the house in the dark. I'll have to give-up her windows, figure a way to put the kennel on wheels so as to be able to open her windows, come the warmer weather. But it's all so well worth the effort. (Truthfully, my MAJOR concern is my health... and, well, should I die and she's still here, the abusive, heartless abandonment somebody else will inflict on her! I SO DO HATE “people”!) Well... Time... as always... will tell. And with the larger “kennel”, she'll have more room to spread her wings. More exercise. Surely that might help. And when she leaves... so be it. I'll have the kennel for other emergencies. And when I'm “gone”? Somebody will have something to sell-off at a yard sale. (Mercenary, self-serving shits.) So it's not a waste... and I'm still thinking Sunday or so. I also need plywood for the backing of her cage, should she go to the porch in a couple of weeks (not this one... with 1 and 0 and -1° nights still to come). There are plans... there are plans... - And so here I sit, with hot water, waiting to take “before bed pills” and “planning” on a “civil” bed-time tonight! It's been an “accomplished” sort of day. And I'm working on the “Care” page now. “Writing”... and needing to make it as concise as possible and trying to figure a “lay-out”... single or multi-page. Also, there's the “Blog” that will require coming back to this Journal and re-writing much for that. Ah... there are “things” to keep me busy, to be sure. - So now... a bit of soc.med., take the pills, watch a program and... off to bed! - One note: Though mornings are still quite a bit uncomfortable (mostly the stomach), and I still hack little globs, now and again, here and there, I would have to say that I'm feeling MUCH better now that I've reduced the vit.C AND I'm feeling quite a bit better than I did before I took it in the “Mega” doses. What did it do? I'll probably never know, but it isn't a matter of knowing “What”... it's a matter of how I feel AND how much longer it will give me to be with Yonah. - Now... on with the evening and off with the day! - 22.17 “Goodness Gracious Me” and now it's time to get to bed! (Somebody had posted to the G's forum last month! I responded... what the Hell? Why not?) And now... another day is done. Some sun-shine due tomorrow... so they claim. But, there's much to write to the site and such and no interest in this place any more. And there's YONAH! And life is perfect.

Thu.06.May: 11.06 FINALLY... getting to Yonah, who is BASKING IN THE GLORIOUS SUN-SHINE POURING IN THROUGH HER WINDOWS! AT LONG, LONG LAST! And the bed-linens are on the lines on the back gallery, blowing in the breeze, the “shelter sweats” on the rack. FINALLY! Wash-day! And... AND I'VE JUST FINISHED AN E-MAIL TO “MICHAEL” WHO, ON THE 23rd APRIL, SENT A MESSAGE VIA THE *G's* WEB-SITE!!! And I'd swear we had a “go” at a relationship... “back then”. I recall a “Michael” with whom I was “enamoured”... He's from Middletown and there are tiny orts of places, times and such, floating, like dust in a sun-beam, in an old, heavily-draped room... which is my mind and memory these days. I can't seem to “grab” one long enough to decipher any of it. But there are places, “moments”... driving to some-place, a “lunch” together. Something... Oh... one of these moments... He mentioned music, “The Countess”... AND HE AND ANOTHER “MICHAEL” WHO WENT BACK TO G's, AFTER THE FIRE, AND MANAGED TO GET PHYSICAL “SOUVENIRS”! It's been a morning, lost in 1973... as the song goes. Oddly, only just last night, as I brushed my teeth before bed, I was thinking of how I'm one of the few who would be alive today, primarily because I was “under-age” at the time of G's... WELL... MICHAEL TOO! So we're both of about the same age! Now I wonder if there will be any more correspondence. He appears to be as “attached” to G's. Time will tell. - And so, last night, lights went out at 23.00 after a bit of reading and... AND... I SLEPT THROUGH THE ENTIRE NIGHT! No “contractions”. No “loo-trips”. At about 4.00 this morning, I woke, of my own, looked at the clock, and as I laid there pondering the possibility of getting up and starting the day... I fell back to sleep until... “the morning call” at about 6.00. Then came the alarm... which I turned off and got out of bed and rolled right into a “normal morning routine” including fresh water in Yonah's pool. (Her little door has been open all morning and she's not even come near it, thus far.) When I saw the forecast being for about 10°... WITH SUN... I decided to strip the bed! Linens in the basin and by 9.00, they were on the lines. Grabbed the sweats, gave them a quick washing and put them on the rack. Next... an e-mail to Theresa who'd already sent another “I'm fed-up with Minds” e-mail which led to checking other e-mail accounts which led to the reply to “Michael” which... well... is now... - The PO is closed. The “thing” is gone. I have to go check for what-ever. And today? I NEED to get to the “Tips and Care” notes for Yonah's site. If I had a mower that worked, I'd do the lawn. But... yes, I'm willing to mow, but I'm NOT willing to invest in a mower... unless I'm given the opportunity to deduct the cost of a working mower from the rent. And I'm NOT going to “ask” for such. So? So it won't get done. (I'll have to give the mower in the garage a try... I'm not even remotely “hopeful”. - And, sadly, now, I want a snooze... which I might take, since Yonah has SUN! - 20.06 It turned-out to be quite the pleasant day... though entirely too short... as these days tend. The vast majority was spent with Yonah, working on the “Care” page which is becoming a small “book” at this rate. There's so much to put into the topic and even now, I'm about to search for “requirements” for “keeping a wild animal”. (And it's pissing me off to think: I had NO intention of “keeping” Yonah, but the nearest “vet” being 100 miles away... and being told “They won't take her”... and that bull-shit shirking of a “Bird people” saying “Put her in a box with some newspaper until...” FUCK THEM! Deeply and painfully, just FUCK THEM! In fact, I've already found a delightful “dog crate” at a reasonable price and had it been available when I found it, I'd've ordered it immediately. LARGE! We're going for LARGE, under the impression that well... Yonah will be staying... unless those feathers on her wings improve and she manages proper flight. I WILL NOT PUT HER OUT WITH ANY DOUBT THAT SHE'LL BE ABLE TO FEND FOR HERSELF PROPERLY! This “human world” can take themselves directly to HELL, as far as I'm concerned! Anyway... the bed linens dried beautifully, as did the sweats. The bed is made, the sweats are on the rack in the kitchen. Fresh sheets tonight... and a throughly showered me too (no matter what). - Oh, a note: the town clowns came round today to put up those “Hometown Hero” signs on the utility poles again. Alvin was standing out there as they worked and I strolled across the street and, knowing what was going on, feigned “I was hoping they were taking those god-awful things off the pole!” and made it clear I meant the lights. I told Alvin and the town clown “It's miserable! It's like being in Times Square all night! It's almost as bright in my bed-room at mid-night as it is right now.” (with clear skies and brilliant sun). What will come of it is... well... expected to be nothing. But it's been said and I came back into the house, looking obviously disgusted. - Meal... I baked 2 chicken breasts and made some rice with vegetables. Fine. Not spectacular, but sufficient. Ice cream after. - Oh, and I made a run into the FamDoll for smokes where I had lovely chats with Rylan, Betsy and Penny. They DO treat me as a fellow employee. (And Rylan says they're looking for another cashier and Asst. Mgr. “for the season”. No offers though. But I don't care... really. I've MORE than enough to keep me busy these days... Yonah takes precedence over ALL. - And so, now, 2nd hot water cooling, pills at the ready. I have my smokes. I bought 2 of those “frosted pastries” I used to literally LIVE on (back when they were 50¢ each and are now 1,15$ EACH!) to have with pills. - Time for the wind-down as the sun gives way to the evening, and it's cool out there BUT ALL OF THE ZEROS AND MINUSES HAVE GONE FROM THE FORECAST! (Sadly, so too, the sun... MORE BLOODY RAIN for DAYS to come!) Alas... - 24.04 So much for the early night in the clean linens... but I will be showering... momentarily! - WELL... The communications with Theresa are now DONE... I sent a rather honest e-mail about how I'm fed-up with all the “Christian whining” these days, and of course, I managed to hit ALL “religions”. Sadly, in English, there's no “non-specific” word for “you”... save “one” and that just didn't “feel” appropriate in the text BUT... as I closed, I SPECIFIED AND CLARIFIED THAT I WAS NOT REFERRING TO HER, DIRECTLY! AH... MENTAL MIDGETS AND THOSE WHO CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO READ... SHE CAME BACK THIS EVENING WITH, I “HURT” HER “TO THE CORE” AND “MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP E-MAILING FOR A WHILE”. HEY! NO PROB! I replied that she's 100% correct, that neither of us is in the best of health, neither have many days ahead and that neither needs disrespect... “Be well. Fare well.” Reply was almost immediate: “That's it? OK” Oh fuck off. Bad as Donna with “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” Click. Easy here. Easy there. Easy no-where. I've moved all the “Theresa” e-mails to a “Bollocks” folder... blocked her on my Minds accounts and now have any e-mails she sends forwarded to “245466”... the “junk” account. I could have them deleted but will “Reply” (if need be) with a “Your mail is undeliverable”. - Well... THAT wasn't worth being up this late for. So... tomorrow will be another “heavy” sort of day. I swore no more mid-nights but time passes quickly. And sitting here isn't making things any better. (Hey, at least I don't have to worry about running water... there's nobody else here!) - Off we go... Hopefully tomorrow will be like today was... I have a Sherpa and fleece to wash... and a pair of jeans.

Fri.07.May: 15.29 YONAH'S NEW HOUSE, ORDERED FROM “Chewy.com”, THIS MORNING... * HAS SHIPPED * !!! (Now, I hope the spacing in the “mesh” is small enough AND the spacing IN the place is LARGE enough! AND... I'll have to figure a way to move it about so to get her window open... IF we EVER get warm weather!) Yeah... I probably shouldn't have spent the money just now but... NOW, I DON'T HAVE to DRIVE to Plattsburgh! I DON'T HAVE to spend the day away! AND... it almost appears that Yonah will be with me a LOT longer than anticipated... if her wing feathers don't straighten up. BUT... honestly, I don't mind at all... YONAH'S NEW HOUSE, ORDERED THIS MORNING... * HAS SHIPPED * !!! WooHOOoo-oo-oo!!!
19.52 Yonah is “tucked-in” for the night. The house is calm (thankfully). Another day... another week have come to a close. And here I sit, with an entire day's worth of Journalling to do and primarily because of my “guitar nails” which take getting used to again, typing isn't something I enjoy... in fact, so much so that I'm falling SO far behind with Yonah's site! THAT is something I MUST pay more attention to. But, since the water container for the trees is now completely FULL (not even an air space)... there's nothing on the agenda for tomorrow other than trying to bake some short-bread cookies, which I should have done during the week, and/or making me look a touch more “human”... beard, neck, hair trim... as if it makes any difference. But, that said, hot water at hand and PLANNING on getting into bed at a CIVIL hour... BED... clean linens and sweats and me... CIVIL hour! Now.. with the “notes” I managed to jot earlier, let me see if I can't “catch up” (fucking “lol”)... Now then...
It was bloody MID-NIGHT when I FINALLY just gave up, grabbed the “alarm phone” and the “gnash-guard” from the bed-room and, fully clothed, hit the FUTON! Oddly, when I go for a “snooze” during the day, most often, I can just slip into sleep and don't want to get up. But last night (this morning?) I had a bit of trouble... I was comfortable, but my body wouldn't co-operate. I must have laid there for an hour before FINALLY getting to sleep! This morning, the alarms (both) sounded, I turned them off and even slept through about a half hour of Yonah's calling! (Irresponsible of me and yes, I do, still, feel terrible but I truly was SO tired. And as it was, I got about 6 hours of “sleep”... as much “sleep” as I get in a night.) - At or by or round about 7.00 I was up... kettle on, open Yonah's curtains and such, drained her “bath”, made the coffee, changed the “bath water”, had coffee and pills... dragged my shit about, though kept moving, in motion, and got it all done with-in the first half hour. I still don't now HOW I do that, but I do it. - By about 8.00 or so, I put the Sherpa into the basin for a brief soak and then grabbed a 15-minute snooze... or, more like “half snooze” because I was still SO tired but couldn't really ”drift off”. I didn't want to anyway... I just felt I HAD to. Then... up, wash and rinse the Sherpa and by 9.00, when the thing arrived at the PO to open, I was putting the Sherpa on the rack and on the back gallery. This day had BEGUN! - I began getting into a lot of reading, on-line for Yonah's “Care” pages (which are going to be “pages” and not just one... there's a LOT to be said there). THEN came the DISTRACTION... YONAH'S NEW HOUSE... I started going through the “bookmarks” to find the one that caught my eye... and... as it “caught” again... the one at PetCo was “Out Of Stock”! So I went looking... searching... ALL THE FUCK OVER THE PLACE! FINALLY, not only did I NOT find the one I wanted, I found one that's actually BETTER and LESS EXPENSIVE! Chewy! 32x24x27! NOT BAD AT ALL! And about 65$ all totalled! I JUMPED at it! (AND... as I was looking again, just about and hour ago... “SOLD OUT”! PERFECT TIMING! Problem? Allegedly it SHIPPED TODAY... DUE? NEXR FRIDAY! VIA FedEx! A WEEK? Oh well... it gives me time to figure how to configure the new place... I need to cut more “perches” now and work on a little “shelf” for “sunning”... not to mention the particulars of how to get it to “roll” so I can move it to open Yonah's window... IF we EVER get another nice day!) OK... digression... back to the “chronology”... - I spent the rest of the time with Yonah, working on sorting an “out-line” of a kind, for the pages and at just past 11.00, went for the post. Only a statement from Tic... Very good, indeed. No “bad” news or anything of that sort. - Meanwhile, Jeff and Alvin had been nosing in the little “tool shed” this morning and were STILL malingering in the back when I went to the truck and to have a smoke. (I didn't NEED to go to the truck but with them standing there, well... it appeared to be a purpose.) As soon as I stepped out of the door, Alvin took off. (Fine.) As Jeff was passing me at the truck, he stopped for a bit and we chatted about the new street lights and I voiced my disgust (for no good means or ends anyway... talking to the brain-dead, as it were). THEN, as we were talking, Mr. and Mrs. Nell came strolling up the Hill. Jeff called a “Hello” and I merely, silently nodded. I've nothing to say to them and they have nothing to say that I want to hear. BUT... Jeff told them that Becky-bitch is “out of service”! Seems she had a stroke about 3 days ago or so... Jeff described it as the left side of her mouth droops and she tends to walk side-ways. She'd waited 3 days before going to BTV Hospital. “They have to catch it with-in 24 hours and she waited 3 days” said Jeff. The carrier from Liztoon is now running the New Russia route... which explains the LLV. Oh... alas... and so, Jeff was off and so was I. I went to check to see the condition of the door-way into the cellar (which should have been done anyway) and as I was so-doing, Mrs. Nell happened up the road (why, I've not idea... they'd done what-ever they'd come to do but she managed to loop round the house again for some reason). As she passed she commented on the difference in the flower-bed from “Nr. 5” and my place. “It looks like 'before and after' said she. “I have more flowers to put in.” said I. “Oh boy” said she... SNARK! And nothing more was said. Thankfully... I came back into the house. - At noon, I had an oatmeal with pills and at about 12.30 or so, I FINALLY headed out the door... to the river... for “tree water”! AT LONG LAST. I brought the little “luggage carrier” with because I'm honestly in no condition to haul that container full of water up the Hill any more. - On the way down the road I stopped to chat with Dan who was digging up... day lilies! He and I... fed-up with them. He invited me to sit and chat on the porch and so I did. AND... he gave me a tour of the house! It's almost bizarre, with rooms here and there, stair-ways that could easily confuse. It's eccentric, eclectic, interesting, fascinating and no-where NEAR as horrible as I'd though it was from the stories I'd heard about all sort of damage to the place whilst it was empty. AND... apparently, for about 3 years (must be prior to my arrival in New Russia) it was RENTED! I COULD have rented... before I came to where I am). In one room, on a chest of drawers... some nicely finished wooden boxes... 2 are “dogs”, 1 is a “cat” and in the centre... Dan's Mike. All cremated. When I inquired about having the pets cremated Dan replied “They were my family.” It's sweet, really. Though the sadness came when we were out on the porch again. I'd forgotten: Dan and Mike moved in (19th of... said Dan) March of last year which is when this bull-shit about the lock-downs started. Mike died in June AND BECAUSE OF ALL THE BULL-SHIT, DAN COULDN'T HAVE A FUNERAL, PEOPLE COULDN'T COME FOR ONE, HE COULDN'T HAVE A BURIAL BACK IN L.I. SO HE HAD MIKE CREMATED! THIS GOVERNMENT, THIS COUNTRY... THESE PEOPLE... ARE FUCKING MENTALLY LOST! IT HURT DAN, OBVIOUSLY! - Well, after that, I headed to the river for the water. The river's rather full but it was ever so easy to get the fresh water and fill the container... completely. I just went, got the water and came back. As usual, I missed Yonah. - It was about 15.30 when I got back so I returned to Yonah's work until 16.00 when I put the chicken and some rice into the toaster oven for the hour. - 17.10... meal. 17.45 DONE... including the washing-up! From there? It was sporadic with Yonah... I've been HORRIBLE about spending dedicated time with her and MUST made amends tomorrow, at least! - And that brings us to now... 20.31 and I've been waiting for the water to cool enough to take the pills. I'd like to be IN THE SHOWER BY NOT LATER THAN 21.30 and IN BED NOT LATER THAN 22.30 and ASLEEP NOT LATER THAN 23.00! (I WOULD have like to have been IN BED NOT LATER THAN 21.00... BUT... FUKKIT! I have to stay up and about to let the pills settle and tonight, only 2 PopTarts to have with... which is why I need to bake!) - ANOTHER DAY HAS GONE BY TOO FUCKING QUICKLY! - OH OH OH OH... I GOT A RESPONSE FROM MY MESSAGE I'D POSTED TO THAT GUY IN AUSTRALIA, “BIRDMAN”, LAST EVENING ASKING ABOUT YONAH'S WING FEATHERS! HE SUGGESTS I PULL THEM AND SEE HOW THEY GROW BACK. HE PULLS FEATHERS ON HIS “SHOW” BIRDS REGULARLY. (I DON'T WANT TO PULL HER FEATHERS! BUT IF I MUST... WE'LL SEE.) HE RE-ASSURED ME SAYING (AS I FEEL), SHE SHOULDN'T BE SET FREE UNLESS SHE'S FLYING AT “100%” (WE AGREE THERE), AND IF SHE DOES LEAVE, SHE MIGHT, VERY WELL, COME BACK, AS A “HOMING PIGEON” WOULD DO OR... IF NEED BE, SHE'D BE FINE JUST STAYING WHERE SHE IS (which makes getting the larger house all the more worth the while). HE SUGGESTED GETTING HER A “MATE”. TRUTH IS... I'D HAVE TO SEE ABOUT A “DOMESTICATED” DOVE OR ANOTHER ONE WITH INJURIES AND TOO, NEED A MUCH LARGER “HOUSE” FOR THEM! BUT... IT WAS A COMFORT TO SEE SUCH A QUICK AND FRIENDLY RESPONSE! - That said, I've finally gotten the pills down... not to wait a brief while... a quick glean of soc.med. (NO THERESA any more... and NO heart-aches... that she was too fucking busy or careless to actually READ what I'd sent... I was humourous as all Hell about it... and then today, via another account on Minds, I see she was “busy” on there, posting ALL SORTS OF “Jesus” and “proud Christian” and “praying with her doctor” shit that it just made me all the happier to be done with that. “Christian”? Yeah... “typical” too... to think, too busy to READ an e-mail, too what-ever to dial a number and SPEAK! Nah... fukkit. I'm relieved. - Now... on to wrapping this evening up and putting it away. - Odd, but if I'm inclined, I can trim beard, clean neck and, if I'd had the energy/ambition, cut hair TONIGHT! There's nobody to disturb! (I'd close the loo door for Yonah.) But... ALONE! WOOHOO! - 22.18 OFF TO THE BLOODY SHOWER!

Sat.08.May: 7.47 DID (get the shower and beard-trim, neck clean) and was straight to bed, to a little reading and by 23.30 the light (in the room) went out, I laid my head on the pillow, closed my eyes, wondered if I'd fall asleep and the next thing I knew, it was about 2.00-something and I had to pee. Got up. Pee'ed. Went back to bed and the next thing I knew, came the “morning call”... it was 5.45 on the clock and I did NOT want to get out of bed! I managed to doze until about 6.00 and... I'm up, dressed, breakfast on the back is served, “pool” water is refreshed, coffee is almost gone, the “fleece” is in the basin on the soak... indeed, the day is rolled. And it's grey out there, not too intolerably cold but certainly not “warm”. And, because I happened to see that Dan has his humming-bird feeder up on the porch, mine are in the drying rack, thoroughly rinsed and on the dry... (and some shit-bag is parked out front with the radio booming... fucking dolt). Tomorrow is “Mother's Day”... and I remember, annually, Lyle, posting photos on FB, of the work *I* did round the house, with the “caption”... “Mothers' Day is the traditional start of the planting season here...” and a picture of the bleeding hearts in the back yard with a “caption” that read something about the work “Bob and...” had done and how beautiful the place was looking. Its so charming to be so reminded of so much bull-shit... over the course of a life-time. (I can't help but wonder... that was 5225... I wonder what 5199 is looking like these days... I'd go to see, but the PRIMARY reason I don't is because, if Hallie and Mimou saw me, I'd only have to leave them... again, walk out of their lives, again, and I can't tolerate the pain of thinking that they wouldn't understand and that I can't help them to understand. So... I just wonder... here. - And, in the mean-while, my chest is feeling “constricted” this morning, quite “heavy”. Breathing is “normal” (what's become “normal”) but there's a “heaviness” in my body, as if my blood is thickening into some sort of “glop”. It's almost the “normal” of a morning, but this morning, it's just a touch “heavier”. And as I move about I can't help but think: Oh sure... “Life”, generally, has become quite wonderful, with Yonah, her new house en route, I'm living relatively comfortably with-in my means, in an other-wise “charming” little hamlet in the mountains of the “North”... delightful... I've been here just under 2 years... and SURELY, BEYOND ALL POSSIBLE DOUBT... IT'S ABOUT TO BE *SNAPPED*. Yep... we get fucked from the cradle, at every possible juncture along the way, and when, at long last, we find a touch of serenity... the FINALE, the curtain is dropped, the lights go out, the music stops, the band leaves and... FUCKED... again.. Life... it begins with a fuck... rolls with a fuck... and ends with a fuck... and here we are. - Thus these words of a “Shabbat” morn. - Time to get on with ... A DAY WITH YONAH! The house here needs a Hoovering... and it will happen... eventually. For now? One foot in front of the other... “meal” time will arrive shortly and there-after... another day... another week... another... - 19.58 Imagine that hour. Why? No particular reason... but... ANOTHER DAY HAS GONE BY ENTIRELY TOO QUICKLY!!! And it's not as if I wasted it on snoozes. I worked on more of Yonah's site, had a 45 minute lunch break. Spent a little time next door with Vivian and Alvin as they rummaged through stuff that was left behind. (AND... I now have a string of 100 “Xmas lights” that I've been thinking of getting to put over the front door on the porch for “lighting”... NOT, mind, that any is needed at this juncture, with those damned “new” street lights, still... imagine that... “Things come to those who...” Keeps reminding me of Deb, at the Fuklin General when I told her I wanted a truck and she said “There's one out there. It'll come.” and damned if it didn't.) - AND YONAH WAS OUT A-TOP HER HOUSE TODAY! A FEW HOURS. She seems to have NO desire to leave that room though. And when it came time to go in for “dinner”, she had an “incident” and flew into the window again. I was heart-broken when she wouldn't eat and wouldn't set on her perch... just stayed at the bottom of the cage. But, a little while ago, she ate and now she's “tucked-in” for the night... on her perch. When I told Vivian about her and said “I'm a bit soft in the head.” she said “I think it's sweet.” She seemed rather genuinely interested. But, didn't come to see Yonah. Anyway... I'm still working on the “new house” and how to best situate it at the window. Looks like I'll be getting rid of the “work space” at the window. And I'm seriously considering turning the two long pallets into a “futon” for in that room. I might even take the shelves down, temporarily, and put another coat of white paint on the walls. (I'll have to move Yonah to the living-room for the while, but at least it doesn't get so cold in the house now so... And she can be at the window at the front of the house... nice in evening, terribly dark during the day. But it would be very temporary... until the paint dried and the “fumes” were gone. - And so, other than that and this and that... as I say... THE DAY WENT BY ENTIRELY TOO QUICKLY! And I feel as if I got nothing accomplished. - I've been SO SO EVER-SO “FATIGUED” ALL DAY, TODAY. I honestly believe that I don't actually “sleep” at night any more. And my stomach's been “off” as well. I was hoping that would stop when I decreased the vit.C. - Oh... yes... I TRIED THAT RECIPE FOR “SHORTBREAD COOKIES” today... HAD to add an egg to get the “dough” to a some-what “workable” consistency. The LOOK OK... I'll be trying them with “pills” in a moment. Which reminds... it's time for those. - A quick shower again, tonight, before bed because... and NO mid-night! Not that there's so much to be done in the morning, tomorrow but... it would be nice to get about 7 or 8 hours in bed... instead of 5 or 6. (And I doubt even THAT would get rid of the constant fatigue... That's probably because of lack of activity. Yeah... I use that excuse.) - On to some “tele”, pills, hot water and... - 22.46 Yep... AGAIN!

Sun.09.May: 8.10 And... the jeans and shirt are on the line, the under-things are on the rack, the green cap is in the shower... Yonah's house has been swept and cleaned, fresh water in pond and for drinking. I'm dressed, had 2 smokes, and am having first actual coffee. Last night I went directly to bed at 23.00 and I don't recall a loo-run through. Woke at 5.00 and as I pondered what I could “accomplish” at that hour, should I get out of bed, and when I might snooze during the day, wondering what the weather will be... I went right back to sleep until... “Woo-HOO-hoo-hoo-hoo” at about what must have been 6.30-ish. I was having a “disturbing” sort of dream at the time....
New-but-not on a job where I literally had NO idea WHAT my “job” and responsibilities were. It was end-of-day and some “gal”, whom I recognised but didn't really “know” and I just didn't particularly “like” any-way because of her fucking “superior attitude”, came to me with a list of names of employees. There was some sort of “memo” that was supposed to have been distributed to all the employees in the office and hadn't been. Though I had NO idea about it, the “gal” was holding ME accountable and responsible for the failure of delivery. The list made NO sense to me, I had NO idea WHERE all these people were located, relatively FEW names had been ticked and the memo HAD to be delivered to ALL before we left for the night! She handed me a clip-board with the several-to-many sheets on which the employees were listed, in small print, and just stood there, as both of us just started at it. She didn't say anything (I simply understood what was to be done but then, I didn't understand ANY of the situation). We just stared at the list and I became tired, wanting to just go home and go to sleep. Suddenly, she took the list, shot a rather “angry” glance at me, as if saying “WHAT the FUCK are you just sitting here for? THIS HAS TO BE DONE BEFORE WE CAN LEAVE!” (I just, some-how understood the meaning.) MY thought was “YOU HAVEN'T SAID A FUCKING WORD TO ME ABOUT THIS SO HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT DONE WITH IT AND WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?” And as my fatigue was being replaced by anger... I woke...
OK. There's the start of the day. Thankfully... Yonah is here... and PEACE comes to mind and soul. - Before I forget... I had those “shortbread cookies” last night... they taste quite good (ought to... 2 sticks of butter, sugar and vanilla...) but they were a touch on the “hard” side of “soft”. Still... not bad, and the ones I had were the “over-baked” few so... we shall see. They're really “labour-intensive” for the out-come... I believe the recipe gave me 32 (odd... not an even “dozen” number). Still... worth the effort if, for nothing else, the education and experience... as if any of that makes a matter at my phase of existence. - And for today? Well... the sun is shining out there. It isn't “warm”, but it isn't “cold” at all. - I've “things” I ought to do out and about (rake the grass along the Hill, for one thing and the grass NEEDS to be mowed so I OUGHT to TRY the mower, though I KNOW it's hopeless). The house NEEDS to be cleaned and Hoovered. There's a LOT more work to be done on Yonah's site. And to be brutally honest, I don't much feel like doing ANY of it... In fact, there's a “snooze” about to come at any moment now. Can't tell why, really. I did get the “plenty of sleep” last night but I still say: my sleep is NOT “restful”. BUT... I CAN say that it wasn't a “wasted” morning... I suppose. - “Mothers' Day”... but this year it comes early and so, I can't really “plant” the lupines. Besides... I need to figure a way to protect them out there else they'll be eaten again. Oh well... - I've a bit of a list of things to get in Plattsburgh. If weather and me co-operate, I might go up tomorrow. Was considering today, because FS ought to have been posted and there are things I'd like to get at Hannaford's... as well as “things” at Walmarde and such. But if the weather's to be nice... open windows and the likes and there's always “time with Yonah”, who has been quite vocal this morning. Bless her with all the LOVE a human heart can produce over a life-time. - I'm off... I need “morning loo”. - Another day commences... “I'll make it through this.” (Last night I was thinking: Mother managed a good 20 years after her Dx of emphysema... - 10.37 Hoovering and house-keeping is done, and a 30-minute snooze as well... and the plants have been “river-watered”. The sun is sporadic and the clouds are gathering and my attitude toward this weather is SHIT. BUT... the house is clean, the old plastic chair is on the porch. And Yonah is giving me a bit of a speech... I was in a bit of a “manic” for a while there. We're all back to “banal settled” again and I'm about to endeavour to type a bit more for her site. - I'd like to get out and do something on the property, but the truth is... with-out mowing the lawn, I really don't care. I wish I had the actual new house for Yonah... I could get busy on making the little rolling dolly I want to make for that. AND I WISH the temperature would rise so I could open her window... I just ask too much of Creation... alas... all... ass. - 22.18 It actually was another entire day spent with Yonah today. And quite a bit got done for her pages on “Home Care for Mourning Doves”. And the washing dried by 15.30 in spite of the absence of brilliant sun. - Meal... the last of the chicken with noodles and veg. - And this evening, after meal, I spent the time talking with Yonah until it was “seepie-nigh-night time. And she was a laug riot! Tried to fly out of the cage and flew right into my face. THEN, tried, several times, to attack my hand. Was down at her door, RIGHT IN my face for a while. It was a pure delight! - And now... I'm not showering again... I'm off to bed... later than I wanted to be. - Was thinking of heading to Plattsburgh tomorrow but it's supposed to be another rainy day... so more work on the site. - Oh, today, the key-board found a new fuck-up... the “/” key is now failing! Fucking piece of this, this thing. Of course... one of the most important keys in HTML coding! Thankfully, the one on the numeric key-pad works. This piece of shit is about to shit the sheets... Just let me finish Yonah's site! (And there are more photos to be added as well.) - So... off to snooze... I've had about 10 shortbread biscuits tonight... LOTS of sugar and butter before bed. Jolly.

Mon.10.May: (Hair-cut) 7.09 Up. Dressed. Coffee. Smoke. Breakfast to the back yard. Another grey day ahead. And drizzle. If we were fish... And through the night, I ran water with vinegar through the little pump for Yonah's pool. This morning, a touch of bleach, then vinegar-baking soda and now the fresh water to rinse. But the algae in the tubing remains. Looks like the tubing will need to be replaced. But I want to make certain the pump is clean. Ah... I'm thinking it's because of the river rocks. Mayhaps a “baking would have been best before setting this all up. Alas. - And this morning's anxiety is this lap-top and the key-board and knowing that I can't replace either at this juncture. (There's an “Enhanced Unemployment” in effect where those on that are getting up-wards of 18-2400$ per month to stay at home and do nothing... Meanwhile, those of us on Social Security are expected to remain “happy” with our 1000$. The “extra” would be MOST helpful to me right now... lap-top, heating, help with the electric... more for Yonah. Oh, just more bull-shitterie. - But, lights went out last night by 23.00 and I woke once for loo-run. Then again at about 5.00 and back to sleep until the 6.00 alarm which I turned off and dozed until “the call”... and I waited for the 6.30 alarm at which time I got up and started to “roll”. “Rested”? No, not really. And the “normal... rock in the chest” in the morning. Odd... coffee helps... It's said that strong, black coffee helps relieve asthma. Could it be? Oh... it “could be” SO many things. But, have had the first coffee, on the second and Yonah is ever-so vociferous this morning. - When I went in to her this morning, she came RUSHING over to greet me! (I almost don't see her leaving... I just wish she'd be more adventurous in the house, to show how well she can fly. I WISH there was more open space available where I could see her fly out-side! I WISH there weren't any predators... read: cats... so close by. And I WISH I hadn't been seeing feathers about the back yard lately. I wish... I WISH... I'm an idiot.) - Well, other than a smoke-run at some point, there's no “running” on the agenda today. Rain. I'm just not going any-where. And there's much to add to Yonah's site. So it's “Time With Yonah” today... and I need to figure tonight's meal... at some point, but not immediately. There's “stuff” to eat i the house. We're fine. We're fine. -
10.01 Just coming back into Yonah's room after a 15-minute snooze in the living-room where I heard her “calling”... and I walk into the room to find... SHE'S A-TOP THE CAGE AGAIN! AND TODAY... SHE'S MORE “PALYFUL” WHEN I PUT MY HAND/FINGERS CLOSE TO HER! SHE PECKS BUT NOT “VICIOUSLY” AND SHE DOESN'T TRY TO TAKE FLIGHT!
And now... I've been working on her pages... I don't know why, but I get SO fatigued whilst doing them... and now, it's become a bit of a book... a “blog” in and of its own right. I'll have to figure a new way of “presenting” all this information. But... it's not as if I've SO much ELSE that requires SO much attention. AND... the GRANDEST BIT... I'VE GOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL COMPANY... AND COMPANION AT MY SIDE (“supervising”). - 20.46 and I'm just out of a GOOD shower.. having FINALLY, CUT MY HAIR! AND... the “trimmer” is shitting the sheets! It was plugged-in all the while and still ever so weak. Of ALL the times... there's the muffler on the truck that will need replacing, and Yonah's new home that needs “decorating” and... I still don't know WHAT the electric bill is for this month (and I've got a REALLY STRONG gut feeling the 200$ I “budgeted” isn't going to cover it). Oh well... I KNEW... as soon as I was able to put money into the savings... And there's all of 40-something in the chequing. As it stands, I'm going to have to move some of the savings to the chequing if I'm to go to Plattsburgh (tomorrow) for supplies for Yonah. Oh well... Oh.. OH... AND... GAS PRICES ARE ABOUT TO SOAR! The “media” is claiming the “Russians hacked” a pipe-line... Me I'm calling “Absolute Bull-Shit”! It's this Dem. government fucking us beyond RAW. But as of yesterday, there SHOULD be funds on the FS and I can better spend in Hannaford's as well as getting supplies for Yonah so... I'm shafted... as it were. - The day, other-wise? Well... Yonah was out of her “house” for most of it. I'd opened the door for her in the morning and gone on about my business. When I took my “morning snooze”, I woke to hear her calling and didn't pay it much mind. But when I went BACK into her room, there she was, all up a-top and preening. Silly little bit. BUT OF NOTE: SHE WAS IN A “FIGHTING MOOD” ALL DAY! Pecked at my fingers, my hands, spread her wings at me... just NOT in a “good mood” at all! And, sadly, when I went to put her in for “lunch”, because she gets out but hasn't quite figured the getting back in to eat... SHE FLEW INTO THE FUCKING WINDOW AGAIN AND THERE'S BLOOD ON THE SILL! She didn't bleed after I got her back in. I DO believe it's those “off” feathers on her left wing. She CAN fly, and rather well, indeed. I watched her hover and such in the room. But when it comes to being able to cover distance and at speed... to escape predators and to fly with the flock... I'm not so sure. So? So... she gets a new, larger house and she can stay for as long as... All *I* MUST do is live long and healthy enough. If one of us is to go, I hope she goes before me. (Reason for living? It appears so.) She did come back out at dinner time and getting her back in was a bit of a “do” but not too awfully bad. She does NOT want to be “handled”. But she's in for the night and all's well... I believe. - In other news, I worked on her pages for the day. I have to re-do the entire scheme of them. Not exactly sure “how” but there's 7 pages in the one segment, thus far, and they have to make some sort of sense. So I'll be occupied with that for a while. - Her house is due on Friday which means I'll be cutting wood on Saturday for the little “trolly” for under the house. - The tubing for her “pool” is clean. OH the slime that came out of there today when I ran hot water through and had to “squeeze”, and “pinch” the tubing to get it to come loose. A whole night of vinegar and water, and this morning, baking soda and vinegar. Then the rinsing. (I used a LOT of water these past 24 hours... and I don't much really care any more about it.). But the tubing is clear again... and ready to be re-installed... in a “new” pool... larger... I'm hoping (Plattsburgh tomorrow). - In other “news”... those “growths” in the left arm-pit are back... NOW THERE'S TWO! AND BLACK! Tea Tree oil on them tonight. I'm going to have to be “aggressive” with them now. TWO! I can't imagine! And the second one came out of no-where! So there's oil on them and the one in the centre of my chest tonight. Alas. We shall see how it all turns out. Hopefully the oil won't make me ill like it did before. But, if it does... I'll have to deal with it some-how. - So bed-time vitamins are late tonight... LATE. I'm just sitting at table now, at 21.04 to take them. If I'm going to Plattsburgh tomorrow, I want to go early. No late driving about, and I DO NOT want to be there for long! I'll check Runnings for some sort of “tray” for Yonah's new house, then to Walmarde for the liner and a few items. Hannaford's for food and back again. (May the muffler hold!!!) - And the “/?” key on this shit-top is still fucked. (And I need more vit.C... the “list” goes on.) - Well? Life is short... no sense in bugging-out about it. I'm off to “tele”, vits. and bed... At least I got that shower I've been wanting and a hair-cut. Nice enough. And Yonah's OK... and the world is PERFECT. - 22.54 Watched 2 episodes of “One Foot In The Grave”. Why? Because it was mentioned on “Have I Got News For You”. I never really enjoyed that series but it was something to pass the time as the pills passed along their way. Episode 2 ended disturbingly: Victor got up every morning to feed a little red bird in the back garden and it was killed by a black and white cat. I don't like that at all... too close to home. - Another day is done... (Let's hope watching “One Foot In The Grave” isn't premonitory. After all... with my current condition of “health”... rather... lack there-of....

Tue.11.May: 6.53 I can't believe it's still this early and it feels as if I've been up and about for HOURS when, in fact, it's been probably just about ONE! And in that time, I've made coffee, opened Yonah's house, put food out back for the birds, checked the météo, transferred money at the Tic for a possible journey to Plattsburgh this morning... CAN'T ACCESS THE VT ACCOUNT for some reason (unable to verify your identity? WTAF? I wonder if somebody hasn't put a freeze on it... but my “cr score” on the Tic shows only the 40 for the x-rays that's “negative”, as if, in my health and age I give a shit... and I'm “52% paid on the Tic loan... Oh how I DO worry about... fuck-shit). ANYway... things to do. I woke this morning, to the alarm and “the call” feeling ever-so horrid! Tea tree oil? Could be. The shit in the arm pit? Could be. Fuck on the lung? Could be. (This fucking key-board and the “/?” key? Could be....) Feeling a touch better after first coffee though. Now, to get the rain out of the forecast and me on the road and this “trip” over and done with. Alas. Another day... things... fuck-all. - Oh... and I got May posted to the servers... Imagine... 10 days of it. I still need to go back and get photos and the likes... I'm behind in all of that as well as Yonah's work. Well... toddle... - 7.28 Got to the VT a/c and all's well... (I just have to “reconcile”). That's a relief. - I'm just wondering... as a note: I've been using the Nutrogena of late, and it has “sun block” in it, cutting the UV. I've seen what faces look like with that on, could that be why Yonah's averse to me of late? I must look horrid to her, if that's it. Will have to wash the face and see if there's a difference. (How odd that I should know this. Eh? Oh the things we learn... when “time” makes it useless.) - 9.53 It's another one of those “off” sorts of days, this. I'm not feeling “correct”, in general. I know I don't like leaving the house to begin with. The whole notion of being “in public” is “off-putting”. Stores? Just a dread. The truck is always un-nerving. The muffler, in particular today. And earlier, I couldn't get to the VT account, which set me “askew” for a while. Yonah doesn't seem to be OK this morning, though she's not as “combative” as she was yesterday. And for some reason, I'm COLD! THEN... I tried to get the FS balance, using the ATT phone and that fucked-up TERRIBLY to the point where I just slammed it on the kitchen table which startled Yonah, which PISSED ME OFF! - BUT... I took the beard trimmer apart this morning. ICK! No wonder it's been sluggish. It was quite full of tiny bits of hair! Cleaned it out and it's running quite a bit better now (after I cut my hair last night...). And FS is 300 this morning, so there's MUCH I can get at Hannaford's, if I make it. The sun is shining. That OUGHT to make for a better day. And I'm running behind in travel plans. Just “off”... “not quite “right”... I just don't know. I just don't know. And I don't like that. - 20.10 WHAT A DAY WHAT A DAY WHAT A DAY!!! AND WHAT A FUCK-UP I MADE ON THE ELECTRIC METRE READ JUST NOW!!!
FIRSTLY... THIS MORNING... I believe I left here, the usual “sick to my being” because of the trip, the truck AND of course, leaving YONAH, at some time round-about 10.00 or perhaps closer to 11.00. It must have been past 10.30 at any rate because I didn't check-out of Runnings until 12.24 and I really didn't take ALL THAT MUCH time in there. But that said... YES! I MADE IT TO PLATTSBURGH TODAY! And yes, Runnings was the first stop where I got... 4 little wheels for the “dolly” to be made for Yonah's new house, 2 small “trays” that go to what must be a terribly small “dog cage”, and a little “elbow” for the “new bath”. Sadly, no “grit” because THAT would have saved me another stop. But... I toddled out of Runnings, put the purchases in the truck and headed to Lowes where I got a “4x4” piece of “ply-wood underlayment”, also for the aforementioned “dolly”. And I wasted no time, really... just in and out. Slid the ply-wood into the back of the truck and headed to... Walmarde where I got a NEW POOL, as it were, for Yonah, 3 little dishes for food and water (and an extra, just in case of need), the “shelf liner” that I was going to use on her cage IF she goes back out (which, lately, doesn't look “promising” because those feathers on her left wing are HORRID... even though she's flying in her room rather nicely... time will tell...), a bottle of bleach and... AND... those “swim shoes”... should I ever make it to the river this Summer... (HAH!). BUT... NO GRIT! So... I brought THESE items to the truck, drove over to PetSmart where I bolted in, grabbed the GRIT and bolted out the door! (There was a LOT of “bolting” this trip... I had a limited budget, limited time and NO patience.) OFF to the Mobil for... 15$ of the mid-gas which FILLED THE TANK! WOO-HOO! (Shit gas at Stewarts in Liztoon is up to 3,10 ... “3,099” today! getting the 91 octane? POVERTY!) AND OFF TO HANNAFORD'S where... 95$ later... AND NO BROCCOLI... Well... I went through the self-check with EVERY OTHER item on the list (and a bit extra for me like molasses and powdered sugar for more “'shortbread biscuits” should the mood move me again) AND ANOTHER BEEF ROAST (6$!) BUT... AS I WAS LEAVING THE STORE, I glanced over to the produce and it LOOKED like they'd put out the broccoli so I put the groceries into the truck and RAN back in to find... the fuckers put BEANS in those spaces! I was pissed but went directly back to the truck and... BOLTED OUT OF TOWN! On to the Northway and... I was NOT coming back into this house with-out broccoli for Yonah so I stopped at Tops, got broccoli, 2 ice creams and a butter AND THAT WAS THAT WAS THAT FOR THAT! HOME!!! I walked in the door at 15.20 and got RIGHT to things. The roast is now seasoned and in the fridge, all the groceries were put up, the kitchen was in order and ready for “meal prep” and at 16.00, the trimmed broccoli was in the pot, on the hob and when that came to a boil... the franks went in (tonight's “meal”). BY 18.00... IT WAS COMPLETELY COMPLETE!!! As if it had been just a regular day.
*** THE FUCK-UP? NYSEG WANTED A READING (and I wanted a smoke) so, moments ago, I went out and took the usual photo of the metre... came back in and submitted what I THOUGHT was the reading BUT CAN'T BE... NO MATTER HOW I TRY TO RATIONALISE IT... ACCORDING TO WHAT I SUBMITTED... IN THE PAST MONTH I'VE USED 10,955 KwH!!! (At the new rate of about 25¢/Kwh... THAT'S A BILL OF $2.738,75!!!! IMPOSSIBLE! IF ANYTHING, I'M THINKING THE FIRST DIGIT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A “7” NOT THE “8” I REPORTED... BUT STILL, I'M NOT EVEN CERTAIN ABOUT THE REST OF IT! AT A “7”... IT WOULD COME TO 955KwH... at a cost of $238,75 (which is still more than the $200 I'd budgeted but...). HIGH? Yes... but I've been running both radiators for almost the entire month. So I'm “OK” with that... almost “OK” anyway. AND... OF COURSE... I DID THIS AT ABOUT 20.00 AND CUSTOMER SERVICE CLOSED AT 19.00 SO I'LL BE SLEEPING (as if I EVER actually “sleep” at all ever) ON THIS TONIGHT!
Well? The day DID go entirely TOO well over-all any-way... WE CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE A “PERFECT” DAY! But I'm not insane over any of the ending... It'll be settled in the morning. After all... surely NYSEG doesn't expect me to run a 2k bill... I'm just a moron... I've done this mistake before... I'll have to read again in the morning... then call them and CRY!
MEEEEEEEEEEEEAN-WHILE... YONAH IS STILL IN A SNIT with me! When I got in, I immediately went to her to tell her of the things I bought... FOR HER... and opened her door. Moments later, she was a-top the cage, as usual. SWEET-HEART! BUT... when I went to talk to her, she FLAPPED HER WINGS AT ME AND TRIED TO POKE MY FINGERS AGAIN! THEN GAVE A “RUFFLE”. SHE'S MIFFED AND I DON'T KNOW WHY! But I went on about preparing my meal, eating and when I went back in to get her so that she could eat before going to sleep... she gave another “Wing-Thing” and it took a bit of doing but I did get her back into the cage. (She did eat something and, as I type, she's “seepie-nigh-night”.) I can't imagine WHAT'S gotten into her. The season? It's “Spring”... Hormones? Oh well... at least by Saturday, she'll be in bigger digs, with a larger pool, more space, wider spaces in the “mesh”, less “confining”... I'll have my work cut out for me, making the little “dolly” to go under her new place so that she can be moved to “follow the sun” (IF we ever actually EVER get ANY). And then, I want to figure out some “green'ry”... in the new place, I could almost put in REAL TREES! (And I know JUST where to get them too!). But that's for then... For now... I'll just have to see how long this “snit” lasts. I don't mind... other than I'm at a loss for knowing what's bothering her. (I thought it might be mites, but I notice the doves out back doing the same “picking, preening, fluffing” that she does. It could be dryness from the radiator too. We'll see... I see NO indications of mites in her cage... and I've looked it up.) - So... THAT all said and typed, the accounts are all reconciled, books and all, receipts are filed AND the new stuff for Yonah is all nicely washed! The only thing remaining are the settling of the pills, a nice little shower (because I WANT one and WILL take one tonight) and trying for a night of some sort of semblance of sleep. Tomorrow will be attended when it arrives. But for now, I ACCTUALLY GOT EVERY ITEM ON MY LIST TODAY!!! OH... AND FS? I WALKED OUT OF HERE WITH 300$ THIS MORNING! THERE'S STILL ABOUT A MONTH'S-WORTH ON THE CARD AFTER ALL THAT SHOPPING... which I won't have to do again for a while. - Time to un-wind! (It would be a nice night for a martini or a v-ton... but not yet... “Soon”, to be sure.) - One note: Alvin mowed the lawn... his and all the way to the drive here! Will I “thank”? No... I considered but the fact is... I CAN'T be expected to fork-over the money for a mower for property that isn't mine. Alden took the one that was here and never brought it back. The one in the garage cost Jeff 40 and ME 40! So... I'm MORE than happy to mow... GIVE ME A MOWER! The end.... - PS: MAY'S RENT CHEQUE CLEARED TODAY. - 22.02 OK... “One Foot In The Grave”... 2 episodes. Shortbread. Hot water. Pills. Smoke. And my fingers are cracking so a shower's going to be painful. But... off we go and then off to bed... Must be “alert” in the morning... 10k hours of electric...

Wed.12.May:18.04... THE HUMMING BIRDS ARE BACK!!!!! 7.47 (AND AWAY WE GO!) I SHOULD have gotten a wonderful night's sleep, save the one “contraction”... and that lights went out at about 22.45 or so and I was up and about and ready for another day at 0.50... but I didn't. And then again at 1.50... but I didn't. And I managed to lie-in until the “6.30” alarm, but Yonah called and I couldn't just leave her in there, in her little darkness. But, at about 7.00... THE CIRCUS CAME TO TOWN... LEAF-BLOWERS, SWEEPER, THE SIGN AT THE INTERSECTION... BOTH SIDES OF THE HILL... Honesly, were it not such a bunch of retarderie, it MIGHT be slightly “amusing”. They've only just done and headed back to the main tent in Liztoon. And that's how this day commences. - Yonah has fresh water and “cod liver oil” served. I'm in from finishing a halfie that I started when I put breakfast out back, so yes, I'm dressed for the day and my chest is filled with cement and sand this morning. All's “normal”, one might suppose. And I'm NOT looking forward to the phone call to be made about the 10k hours of electric. But, there's just what-ever to be done about it... we shall see, but I cannot believe 10k hours will seem “acceptable” to NYSEG. And if so? Well... I'm going to be paying-off the $2k for... until I die (unless I die first, in which case... never mind). Oh, the delights of another day. BUT... THERE MUST BE MORE... Yonah's new house comes in 2 days (or... “should”) and she and I have time to look forward to together. I DO hope there's a way to “come back and haunt”... in case some shit-bag disrespects and abuses her in any... ANY... manner, way, fashion or form. - Other-wise... a day of working with her in her room, on the text for her site! THAT MUST be done and posted! SOON! Nobody has THAT much time in life and it's my duty and debt to see to it that the information is available... especially since there was so little for me. Just my part to help make another life a little easier (the doves, of course). So, we shall see what this day “is” when it's “been”. Other-wise... we roll along... - 8.48 NYSEG DONE! SPOKE WITH “SHERRY” WHO WAS SO SWEET... AND SHE TOLD ME THAT THE ACCOUNT HAD BEEN “FLAGGED” AND STOPPED BECAUSE IT'S MONITORED AND WAS “MANUALLY CHECKED” BECAUSE OF THE 10k HOURS! WHEW! AND SHE LAUGHED BECAUSE SHE SAYS SHE'S DONE THE SAME THING! WELL! We're down from $2k to a possible 213 which isn't “great” but it's about what was expected. So NOW... to make sure THIS doesn't happen again... EVER! - And the sun is shining, Yonah has been calling and New Russia has returned to... calm. ON WITH THE DAY! Eh? - (If I could just get this fucking key-board to work properly... FUCK... but hey, the electric is covered.... -
18.33 AS OF 18.04 HUMMIE'S BACK!!!!! I'D ONLY JUST STEPPED OUT THE FRONT DOOR TO THE PORCH FOR “AFTER MEAL” SMOKE WHEN, AS I STOOD THERE, I HEARD *** THE BUZZ *** AND, THERE, AT THE SOUTHERN END OF THE PORCH... *** Mr. BUZZ !!! *** ALL DAY I'VE BEEN THINKING THAT I HAVE TO BOIL-UP SOME FOOD FOR THEM. TOMORROW'S THE 15th AND I'VE BEEN PLANNING ON PUTTING THE FEEDERS UP THEN. IN FACT, I HAD THEM ALL WASHED AND DRYING AND READY TO FILL AND HANG. ALL I NEEDED TO DO WAS MAKE THE FOOD! WELL! IN AN ABSOLUTE PANIC, I PUT THE CIGARETTE INTO THE JAR AND CAME RUNNING INTO THE HOUSE, GRABBED THE SUGAR, RAN THE HOT WATER, GATHERED THE FEEDERS AND THREW BATCHES OF FOOD TOGETHER AND THE FEEDERS ARE NOW ON THE PORCH! AND AS I TYPE THIS, THERE'S A POT OF SUGAR-WATER ON THE HOB, WAITING TO COME TO THE BOIL!!!!! HUMMIES ARE BACK! (And tonight's temperature is expected to be only ONE! Granted, not “minus one” BUT THAT'S COLD!!! AND EVEN TODAY I WAS THINKING: IF THE HUMMIES COME BACK NOW, THEY'LL NEED THE ENERGY AFTER THE COLD NIGHTS! WELL, WELL, WELL!!! HERE THEY ARE AND FOOD'S READY FOR THEM! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHO COMES TOMORROW MORNING! MEANWHILE, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON YONAH'S SITE ALL DAY, MOST OF WHICH, ON-LINE, IN THE KITCHEN, AND SHE'S BEEN A-TOP THE CAGE. AFTER I HAD MID-DAY NOSH, I WAS IN WITH HER, THINKING SHE'D NEED FOOD, AND SHE TOOK OFF TO FLIGHT. I WAVED MY HANDS BY THE WINDOW TO KEEP HER FROM SLAMMING INTO IT AND SHE WENT DIRECTLY BACK INTO THE CAGE!!! SHE KNOWS HOW TO GET OUT... SHE KNOWS HOW TO GET BACK IN!!! AND SHE HAD LUNCH AND A LITTLE SNOOZE. WELL? AS I WAS PREPPING “EVENING MEAL”... SHE CAME BACK OUT AND HAS BEEN A-TOP HER CAGE SINCE. - WHAT A DAY! WHAT A DAY! BIRDIES! BIRDIES! BIRDIES!
Now... if I could get these shits off the main... THAT would be a pure delight. The hummie hasn't been back, but the traffic, of course, has picked-up. It just angers me to no end. I truly didn't come to the Adirondacks to have “Times Square” lighting flooding the house all fucking night, nor to have the house covered in “road dust”. Never mind, listening to the bull-shit leaf-blowers and street scrubbers at 7.00. And then there's still Alvin, who was out mowing again, this after-noon. But... the fact of that matter is that *I* should *NOT* be expected to invest in the expense of a mower for a property that isn't mine... IN ADDITION TO the fact that there WAS a mower here, but it was rusted beyond use, Alden took it away, he even came back twice (at least) with it STILL in the back of his truck, and NEVER made an effort to replace it. I'll mow... I'm NOT going to fork out 2 or 300$ for a mower! - Now that I'm here and journalling, as I calm down after the RUSH of getting the hummie-feeders up.... a note:
This morning, Alvin and Jeff were next door and when they were back in the drive, I over-heard Jeff, WEARING A BLOODY MASK, say “So we have to put up with this discomfort of wearing a mask...”! SIX BLOODY-FUCKING MILLION ACRES OF “WILDERNESS”... A HAMLET WITH A SPARSE POPULATION OF 120 PEOPLE... 7 HOUSES ON THE MAIN... NOBODY OUT AND ABOUT, THE 2 OF THEM ON A DIRT DRIVE OFF THE ROAD... AND SHIT-HEAD'S WEARING A FACE MASK WHINING ABOUOT THE “DISCOMFORT” OR INCONVENIENCE OR WHAT-EVER HE CALLED IT EXACTLY... I'M SO TOO FED-UP WITH THE RETARDATION! Actually, I'm just generally fed-up and thankful that these morons stay away from me.
Well then now then... time to get back to what-ever... and time with Yonah before “seepie-nigh-night” time. Or, as Bernadette used to call it... “Nahnnie”. - 23.15 I've done it again... every night... same thing: time to go to bed, intend to get to bed by 22.00 and... I distract myself with Brits. And now, the hummie-food is in a cranberry juice container in the fridge, the pot is washed and put up. The kitchen shows no sign of any activity at all. The “manic” joy of Yonah and the humming birds is calmed and as I dried the beautiful pot of which I am so thrilled (it's “Pro” and every bit as shining now as it was the day I brought it “home”, the thought: I'll probably be “gone” soon and, just as they did with Joan's house, and the remnants of Julius, Alvin and Vivian will swoop down and Vivian will be saying “We can sell this at the thrift.” (Like the complete set of cheap flat-ware and a the Xmas lights she “generously” let me have (for which I have little use now, with that bloody street light). This is what “Life” is: “We can sell this at the thrift.” - Speaking of Yonah... this evening, when I went to get her back in for the night, she shed ANOTHER CLUMP OF FEATHERS! I've NO idea where they came from. I got a hold of her and held her to me as I tried to determine where she's lost so many light, down-like feathers, but there's no sign, no indication. And she wasn't at all happy, being held. But I stroked her, spoke softly and she wasn't combative or the likes. She got back into the cage and was a touch skittish... “skittish”... a word I've seen a LOT of in the research for her site. But, thankfully, she wasn't breathing heavily and showed little sign of “trauma”. I've got other feathers in a jar in her room, so I added these and had a good look in the jar. She doesn't appear to have “mites” or any sort of parasites. I can't help but wonder if it isn't from her injuries. It doesn't look like she'll be able to fly at “100%” and the “Birdman” in Australia was saying. (If she can't fly at 100% it looks like she'll be staying with you”.) It breaks my heart, taking her from the flock. But it would destroy me, thinking of her “out there” unable to escape danger, fly distances with the flock, migrate away from the cold, come Autumn. Yes, she's got a “new house” coming. It's in Ohio tonight. And it would be something to have a bird cage and the new cage and nobody to occupy either. Still, they fold and store flat... under the bed. I wouldn't mind, really, if I knew she was happy again, re-united. I've even looked into getting another dove for her. That would bother me too, separating another dove from... and I'm not sure how she'd respond to a “domesticated” dove. Then too, there's my health and I can't promise even 5 years... never mind 5 months, at this juncture. They'll toss her out the door, I've no doubt. But then, better back to the wild than mistreated by any of these self-serving shits around here OR worse... some shit-bag in-breed brat. Oh well. “Life”... what a fuck. - So now, no shower tonight. I shouldn't have one anyway. I've had 2 in as many nights. I'm not “dirty”, haven't done anything to get dirty, really. And though I'm tired, not as tired as I was during the day, to be sure, I'm starting to “re-wake”. So I'll brush my teeth and head to bed. Maybe read. Maybe not. It's late. Tomorrow, I have to get to the tip, will stop for smokes on the way back, and sugar... I'll be needing more sugar now that the hummies are back. - There's broccoli in the fridge for Yonah tomorrow too. I changed the paper in her house this evening. And she's had her cod liver oil. Broccoli would be a nice treat tomorrow. Sweet-heart. She's been so quiet even as I watched the Brits. - Well... “we” will be up at abut 5.30... time to get a “snooze”. - Another day... - Oh... no minuses in the coming fort-night! And the day highs in the teens! Nights are still pretty much in the single digits but there are doubles coming. (Thankfully for the hummies... And I'll have to figure how to keep the windows open and the head-lights out of Yonah's room.)

Thu.13.May: YONAH HAS BEEN MY LIFE FOR 7 SEVEN MONTHS TODAY AND TODAY, SHE FLEW FROM HER ROOM TO THE LIVING-ROOM... PERFECTLY! 7.05 I wish... I WISH I could think of it as a “celebration”, but my heart just won't allow it. THIS SHOULD have been the month when she would be out on the porch, FREE to re-join the flock, return to her “folks”, find a nice mate and be off in the wild, flying to all sorts of places, raising little ones, off to the river, up the mountains. But how cruel would it be of me to have her protected through the Winter, against the cold, making sure she had more than enough to eat, GOOD food, fresh water, a clean, safe place, and then, toss her out to try and fend for herself... with a wing that simply won't allow her to “fly at 100%”? Were I NOT aware, if I truly DIDN'T care to learn and know... but I DO know, I AM aware... BUT... I STILL have hope. Maybe she'll take to flying about the house, that wing WILL improve and she WILL be out there... We still have June and July at the very least. We can hold the hope through those. But this morning, she has a clean place, a new and larger place on the way, and broccoli... Oddly, when I said the word “broccoli” this morning, as I opened the curtains, she “coo'ed”... I said “broccoli” thrice, and thrice it evoked a “coo”, almost as if “Yay!”. Vit.D... Vit.C... good stuff, good things, good food for her. And a good home where she's safe. Now, I just have to figure how she'll get good sun-shine and a good place to call “Home”... at least for a while. - Last night the lights went out at 0.05... and, to the best of my recollection, I managed to sleep through with only one loo-trip... at about 5.00 this morning when I considered staying out of bed and getting on with the day but went back “for a lie-down” until... just before the 6.00 alarm... came the “morning call”. I was granted a reprieve until 6.30 and so, it was up, kettle on, curtains open and now... dressed, in from the front porch smoke where the humming-birds' breakfast is available, the skies are blue, the sun is washing over the mountain-tops and the forecast is for a delightful day... AND MORNING CHAT WITH YONAH IS UNDER WAY. - I've put a touch more tea-tree oil on the what-ever-it-is/they-are and am “feeling that” in the “itch-and-allergy”. But, other-wise... a “typical”, a “normal” morning... waiting for coffee and motion to “settle” the insides. - There's STILL work to be done on Yonah's site and prep to build a “stand” for her new house, which I can't actually do until it arrives... (I'll check to see where it is this morning...) - And so, as “morning chat” continues... on with the day.
12.34 Well... I'm sitting here, in Yonah's room, still working on her site and all morning she's been perched a-top her cage UNTIL JUST NOW WHEN SHE TOOK OFF! OUT OF THE ROOM AND, WITH-OUT ANY “BANGS”... I HEARD THE “WHISTLE” OF HER WINGS... SHE'S IN THE LIVING-ROOM ON “LYLE'S” CHRISTMAS CACTUS! A PERFECT FLIGHT! ABSOLUTLEY PERFECT! AND MY HEART IS DANCING! SHE'S FLYING! AND CAUTIOUSLY! THE FRONT DOOR IS OPEN, THE SCREEN DOOR IS ON THE LATCH, OF COURSE. THE BACK DOOR IS OPEN, THE SCREEN DOOR THERE, ON THE LATCH AS WELL. (Fucking shame I have to keep the doors latched to keep morons from pulling them open but...) SO SHE'S GOT THE FRESH AIR COMING IN TODAY! AND SHE'S LEARNING TO HAVE FREE RUN OF THE HOUSE AND EXERCISING HER WINGS! WOOHOO! (Shame, really, but when I step out, she'll have to go back into the cage for the while. I don't dare to leave her out... not until she becomes more familiar with the place.) BUT SHE'S FLYING AGAIN... FLYING!!!
21.20 I COULD be in absolute STITCHES right at the moment, but I AM laughing... Let me just get this down whilst it's still immediately fresh... This morning, NYSEG was round to cut a tree on the Lakota and whilst they were here, I went over and inquired about the street light. The MOST charming Tech told me that he'd look into re-adjusting the light. He was SO kind and understanding. Well... they crew did their cutting and he DID get up there in the bucket and he DID do something to the light and I thanked him with ALL sincerity. In fact, I intended to ring NYSEG tomorrow to thank them for the kindness. WELL... I JUST this moment stepped out to the front porch for a smoke and... AND... IT'S HYSTERICAL... THE LIGHT IS COMPLETELY OFF!!! NOT LIT AT ALL! IT'S BRILLIANT IN ITS DARKESS! WELL? HE “ADJUSTED” IT ALRIGHT AND IT'S PERFECT! BUT... I'm rather depressingly sure that NYSEG isn't going to see it that way... nor, for that matter, the town of Liztoon! Still.. . we'll all get a lovely night's sleep tonight... Yonah and I will... Tomorrow should be a HOOT! And yes, I DID have a laugh as I came back in! - In other news, it was a beautiful day out there. Clear. Bright. Warm. THE HUMMING BIRDS ARE CERTAINLY BACK. I moved the “Antique” feeder to the back gallery in place of the seed-feeder and they're back there as well! I'm THRILLED! - Spent most of the day with Yonah, in her room, when we weren't in the living-room. I'm re-working her site now... I've put a “table” in on the pages that has a nice background of textured colour. But it means re-doing all of the pages now. And the text, including the “Bibliography” is complete! All I need do now is get the image-links in correctly, get the pages re-coded for the back-ground and... check the spellings and such and... OFF WE GO! Really MUCH nicer, and brighter... instead of all that black. - Took a quick run to FamDoll for smokes, market for ice cream and SUGAR... for the hummies, veggies for me and a package of turkey franks which were tonight's “meal”. Didn't take long but I didn't leave here until 15.00 and didn't get to the tip... that'll wait until Tuesday next. - Yonah was out of her house most of the day and I BELIEVE that at one point this evening, as I was on the front porch, she hit the window again! When I got back in, she was back a-top her house but “sedate” as she usually is after a slam into the window. So she went back into her house, on my arm... I finished what I could in her room and tucked her in for the night at about 19.45. Came to the kitchen to do some more work on her site and have been watching “One Foot In The Grave” with pills. Just finishing the hot water and I'm off to bed. - Tomorrow... hopefully, Yonah's new house will arrive. I wish it would get here early in the day so I could work on the “stand/cart”. I'll have to find lumber for that. The wood from the pallets isn't quite what I'd like, but if I must use that, I will. Still, there's a lot of sawing that will have to be done. Noise in the house and dust. Poor Yonah. But it's for her. And I have to get out and cut new perches for her... I want to find new stones for her new pool... and perhaps, more moss. AND I'd like to get some actual little “shrubs” as well. She seems to like being in the avocado... and I see today that avocado is TOXIC for birds so that will HAVE to me moved or something. Oh... there's a lot of re-arranging to be done now. - The forecast is for good weather the coming week... well... warm... very warm days and mostly double-digit nights. If only Yonah could manage to fly properly! I can still hope! - And in the “news”... Israel is being bombed and rocketed by both Gaza and Lebanon now... they're targeting Tel Aviv!!! And this shit-bag, so-called “President” and his giggling qunt side-kick are dancing about telling the country that IF ONE IS VACCINATED, ONE CAN NOW RESUME DOING WHAT ONE WAS DOING BEFORE THE “PANDEMIC”! FUCK THESE USELESS SHITS AND THE FUCKTARDS WHO PUT THEM INTO OFFICE! I'M SO LITERALLY BURNING LIVID FUCKING BLOODY FUMING! I actually DO wish somebody would come along and put us all out of our misery... by putting THEM out... but the hierarchy is such that we'd be in deeper Hell if they go. It's about to become unadulterated misery, being in this shit-hole country for the next 3 years! Oh... and gas... at Stewart's today? 3,159/gallon for the cheap shit! I made that trip to Plattsburgh JUST in time! (There's 3/4 tank in the truck now...) - So there we have it... and another day comes to a close. It was a nice one though... all told. - (Can't wait to see the shit-show tomorrow over the street light. As it is, Alvin and Jeff were out front when NYSEG was working on it. Alvin says “Is this a case of the squeaky wheel...?” And I kindly replied “I merely asked if they had anything to do with the street lights, he said he'd try to adjust it.” AND THEN A SMALL GATHERING ASSEMBLED AND I WAS COMPLETELY BLOWN-OFF! AH... “New Russia”. FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL!) - 22.13 and off... that's that for this.

Fri.14.May: YONAH'S NEW HOUSE ARRIVED TODAY!!! AND SHE SNOOZED WITH ME ON THE FUTON!!!
7.43 According to the “Roman” calendar, today, contemporary Israel is 73 years of age... and as I sit here typing this morning, the sky is clear and blue, the sun rises quietly over the hills, Yonah coos, the humming birds, mourning doves, chipmunks and the likes have their breakfast... the house is calm, I'm dressed with coffee at hand and “half-way round the planet”, the rockets and missiles of destruction soar through the evening sky, bombs of death rain down, shattering living beings to their death, destruction and devastation, and a government portrayed as the “largest, most powerful, democratic and free” dances in glee. “America”... the epitome of ill-gained, psychotic, megalomaniacal, perceived “authority”, “dominion over all the earth”... the personification of all the evil, all that is utterly wrong with Creation... and “God”? The “God of Abraham”? No-where to be found. Not a sound of defiance from the “Heavens”. So THIS is what they meant by “the Chosen”. As we “mortals” will say, at times such as this: “What a fuck”. It sickens me to the core. - And last night was a bit of a “rough start” on the road to sleep. I got a little reading in before lights went out at about 23.00, but I was still half awake at 1.00 this morning when I got up for a loo-run. After that, I did manage to fall-off to what I've come to know as “sleep”. Sad, really, because, thanks to my “Prince of the Electric Wires”, the house was delightfully dark, as Nature intended “night”. Oh well... Should one expect different, one would be a moron. - And this morning, both alarms sounded, I turned them both off but when, by the 6.30, there's still been no sound, no “call” from Yonah, as I lay in bed, not really wanting to get up at all, the “wonder” about why there was such silence pushed me up and out to check the next room. THANKFULLY, as I peeked in, there was Yonah, on her perch, giving me the glance. She was OK... and then, so too, was I. And this morning began to roll... Coffee, a quick trip to the back yard, a greeting from a humming bird, come for an early sip at the feeder, a half-smoke. I came in, checked to see where Yonah's new house is... It departed Syracuse this morning... but I JUST checked again... as of 7.23 this morning, it's “On FedEx vehicle for delivery”!!! YONAH'S NEW HOUSE IS ON THE ROAD FROM PLATTSBURGH!!! (Now I just HOPE that, after ALL the places it's been, it arrives in “brand new” condition... I'm not actually planning on such, but...)
AND... AS I'M TYPING, AT 8.00 ALMOST ON THE MARK... I HEAR THE FLUTTERING OF WINGS... YONAH HAS COME OUT FOR THE DAY! SHE'S FLYING AGAIN... AND SO TOO, IS MY HEART, KNOWING THAT SHE'S WELL ENOUGH FOR THE ADVENTURE. She'd been standing at her open door for at least the past hour. SHE'S WELL... AND SO TOO... THE DAY. AND SHE'S COO'ING!)
- WELL... there we have the morning. What's to become of the day... we'll know at its end... that's all there is to “Life”... we never know how it was until it's ended.
17.02 Yonah is in her NEW HOUSE!!!
20.17 Yonah is tucked-in... IN HER NEW HOUSE! It's all settled, with the new trays, with sand in both, the moss in the “front” tray. Her new “pool” is in and has water in it (I'll have to work on the pump tomorrow... we've run out of time today.) WHAT A DAY IT'S BEEN!!! AT 14.24, Yonah was in the living-room... she'd flown out and gone to the plants for a while and I continued with my house-things. When I came back to the living-room, she was back on the futon. I think she likes the colouration. Well, I decided to try for a lie-down... on the futon, with her there. SHE DIDN'T MIND AT ALL. So I got comfy and SO DID SHE... ON MY LEGS, then ON MY CHEST! (Photos taken, of course.) WELL... AT ABOUT 14.25 I HEARD THE “THUMP” ON THE FRONT PORCH... HER NEW HOUSE ARRIVED!!! That was the end of “snoozing”. I got up, brought the box in and opened it. PERFECT CONDITION! And before I knew it, I'd set it up! SO... of course, I HAD to try it on the window table... PERFECT FIT! And whilst Yonah was in the living-room... I went insane... I SET THE ENTIRE HOUSE UP... WITH ALL THE “FAMILIAR” THINGS FROM THE OLD PLACE... THEN WENT TO THE BACK YARD AND GOT LIMBS... Looked in the garage at the “pallet wood”... I probably could make the little cart for the cage with what I have but... I'd really rather get something nicer... The thing is.... this new house is HEAVY! So moving it back and forth across the table is a bit of an effort. Never mind if I wanted to move it to another room (like the living-room if I want to paint in Yonah's room). So, I brought the limbs to the house and cut one new one, with notches to fit the new bars. THEN took the “shelf” from what was left-over from the FamDoll steel and white plastic coated “kitchen cup-board” shelf thing, sawed off a sharp bit and managed to put another shelf in for her, in the same corner as the other one in the “old place”. Her new pool went in. This new place is easy-peasy. 4 rows of kitchen roll across with a nice “tuck” in the back and front. And SO much easier access! What a DREAM! A space? It's really wonderful! Yonah's even shown that she actually has to use her wings (poor as the left one is) to get about, up to her perch, down for food, back and forth. She can almost fly in there! And so, when it was complete, I went to the living-room, cupped her in my hands and brought her in to her new place. Even as of now, she's “adapting”. I sense she's a little uncomfortable. The spacing in the bars is much wider, and there's a lot more space for her. But she's OK with it, for the most part. - After “meal” (which, sadly, started at 15.15 and was done by about 15.40... franks and veggies and ice cream and washing-up...), I brought her back out the the living-room. I had her old cage on it's side on the floor as I was tidying her room and, for a bit, and she went right for it! She recognised it, even turned on its side on the floor! So I set her in the sun that was pouring in through the open door and went about Hoovering. When that was done, she actually got on my shoulder and I brought her into her room where, I made an adjustment to the “light block” so it fit a bit closer on the top, and she's now “in” for the night. She's a little “off”... new place and such. But she's settled. We'll see how the night goes. Shame I don't have a place to sleep in there with her. But I'll work on that as time goes by. For now... this is truly the epitome of “Bitter-Sweet”... I SO wanted to see her back out in the wild, with her flock again! But, the truth, the fact... that left wing just doesn't lay properly on her little body, and though she can fly in the house, I most seriously doubt she'd be able to dodge predators out there. And though I believe she can fly “high”, I doubt she'd fly “long” or “fast”. Looks like we're a couple now... til death do us part. I can't say that I mind at all. I'm heart-sick that she's had to forfeit her freedom and liberty of the wilderness though... absolutely heart-sick and heart-broken. But I adore her... with every bit of my being, and giving her all I can is my blessing. We'll see how WE fare... over time. For now, she's safe from harm, the winds, rains, snows, predators... she has a healthy diet of foods, fresh water... and if (Oh forbid) another dove should ever come injured... I know what I can do, I even have a proper cage now for convalescing. AND... a little “companion” for him or her. “Life” will be alright... (Three little birdies, at my door-step singing “Don't you worry, 'bout a ting, 'cause every little ting, gong be ah-right”.)
Got to speak, briefly, with Ev today. Damned Skype and this inter-fucking-net fucking phone service kept dropping my voice to her. But, a relief to know that none of her mishpacha is in ha Aretz! And she sounded very well. So that too was a relief today. - The weather was amazing... quite comfortably warm and sunny for the most. In fact, the doors are still open as I type (at 20.43) and it's still comfortable. The nights of open windows are approaching, though the second and third tiers of the mountains are still quite “brown” yet so there's still cold up there. - AND THE HUMMING BIRDS ARE REALLY REALLY BACK! 3 OUT FRONT. 3 IN THE BACK. STILL FIGHTING FOR THE FEEDERS AND COMING WHEN I STEP OUT THE DOOR. THEY MUST BE THE SAME ONES FROM LAST YEAR AND THEY REMEMBER WHERE THERE'S FOOD AND WHO BRINGS IT! WOW! I'm SO HAPPY that I put the feeders up yesterday! “Timing”... “Life”... and that strange “connection with Nature”... I had to wonder about it even this morning. From judging the season by the mountains to just getting notice from that one humming bird to put food out. Mine is a most strange existence. (I wonder: is THIS why I keep going? As if there's such thing as a “reason”.) - So... not much got done on the web-site today but since I won't cut, saw and such on Saturday... there's tomorrow... an effort of LOVE and not work. - Now? Time to roll the day up and pack it away. I've taken the “pills”, the first hot water is gone cold. So I'll put the kettle on, close the doors, watch a bit of Brits. Take a shower and head to bed soon. - Oh... NO STREET LIGHT AGAIN TONIGHT! WOO-HOO! LOVE IT WHILST IT LASTS! - (I've been listening to Hauser from since meal. “Life” couldn't get better than it is tonight.) - 22.47 One Brit a bit of Minds and I'm exhausted. - Theresa sent a feeble attempt at a last insult, skewing and spinning my other-wise deep but humourous e-mail to her which ended that... or so I'd hoped. An e-mail with a “Lord Huron” (to which you'd introduced me... or something of the sort) song, “Mine Forever” I believe. I deleted it. I thought e-mails from her were “forwarded” to my “junk geemail” but obviously not. I deleted it. - Supposed to be 5° at 5.00 tomorrow. I hope the house stays warm enough. I disconnected Yonah's radiator and I don't want to go back in there to put it on... and disturb her. She's had quite the day! Precious Love. - So no shower tonight. I'm really knackered. - Oh... no street light again tonight. YAY!

Sat.15.May: Mid-point! 7.37 Quite a nice night for sleep, last. Dark. No complaints. But woke to a rather chilly house and a fluffy dove! Temp in Yonah's room... about 18°. I kicked the furnace and now the place REEKS of oil. (The level in the tank is probably SO close to 1/8th. Oh well... nothing can be done about it now. Besides... today's the 15th... “Heating Season” OUGHT to be done!) And I got to sleep until about 7.00 and now, the entire morning routine is complete... for the while. But I'm awfully low on seeds for the out-side birds. Though, as I came up the steps to the back gallery this morning, (half smoke... my head's not quite attached again, this morning... and I'm blaming the tea-tree oil... OH JOLLY... The furnace is up again... must stop that... ) a little hummie came a-hovering at the step just below where I was standing. They're SO curious and just a bit on the “bold” side of things. (I ponder: Am I becoming a “Birdman”? “The Birdman of New Russia”. When I think: First Summer here, 2019, the house was surrounded by Monarch butterflies. Joan died and the Humming Birds came. Now, it's Mourning Doves and Humming Birds... and me.) - 7.43 I hear Yonah's departed and come out of her “NEW HOUSE”. She's a-top and at her “usual” corner. “Life” has another “routine”. - Meanwhile... *I* STILL have all the pages of her web-site to make proper... and there's a bit of work to be done on her “pool”... some “trees” to find, mosses... maybe some pine needles... there's a LOT of “out there” to bring “in here” so she feels some semblance of how it SHOULD be, were she in HER NATURAL environment. (And I wonder how much longer I'll be around for her. I'm determined to “out-stay” her... by, at least a full day. Will I? I doubt it. I've been all entirely too blessed these past 2 years... There's a punishment due... I suspect it'll be along the line of a lingering death during which time I'll be forced to gnaw at my own heart with worry about Yonah. The slow road through Hell before finally reaching non-existence. Yeah... that sounds about “proper”. Am I, what they call, “bitter”? Nah! “Realistic”... that's all. TORTURE THE USELESS SHIT! CREATED BY OVER-SIGHT AND ABSENCE OF RESPONSIBILITY! DESPISED FROM CONCEPTION. MAKE IT ROT... IN FULL AND COMPLETE CONSCIOUSNESS!) There' a reason I was “introduced” to Franz Kakfa... then VIrginia Woolf. As the soc.med. bio reads: “If Franz Kafka and Virginia Woolf were to have had an illegitimate 'love child'...” - It's time to stop this. I've turned the furnace off again. The fumes in the house are disgusting. But it's a little warmer, the sun is shining and, well... along and on-ward we go. - (I ought to make some bread today too...) - 8.26 NYSEG PAID!!! THE BILL CAME TO 111,11... I'D BUDGETED 213,75... 102,64 *LESS*! OK. So it's Saturday and “business” shouldn't be dealt with today, BUT THE JOY OF PAYING A BILL, KEEPING THE BILLS CURRENT, *AND* HAVING MONEY LEFT IN THE ACCOUNT FOR... YONAH'S CART, FOOD FOR THE OUT-SIDE BIRDS... STUFF... “JOY” ON SHABBAT... THAT'S WHAT “SHABBAT” IS ABOUT! Once again... “Things work out”. (Now, if only my head would find its way back to where it belongs and my lungs and stomach would acquire some semblance of “proper”... but I won't ask for any more than I've already been blessed with... AND YONAH IS OK THIS MORNING! NOTHING COULD TOP THAT!!!) - And, for the meanwhile... as I typed the glorious news, at 8.37, the Pee-Oh In-breed arrived... driving through the drive-way, as if it's just another part of the state and federal high-way system... fucking shit, that one, bounded in and IMMEDIATELY POUNDED ON THE PAPER-TOWEL DISPENSER! It's really quite as if intentional... QUNT! - And now... on with the day... FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! - 21.15 already! ANOTHER DAY HAS GONE BY ENTIRELY TOO QUICKLY! It's not that I've pissed it away!
YONAH'S POOL IS UP AND RUNNING AND IT EVEN HAS A LITTLE “FOUNTAIN” IN IT NOW! I need more rocks, different sizes and shapes, but for what it is now, it's really quite delightful and functioning. And she's been a riot all day, in and out and in and out. Out, mostly... and I still have to physically get her back in for lunch and dinner and snacks. Crazy little bird. She didn't leave her room all day, but we spent most of the day together, as I've been re-writing the pages of her site... with her supervision, as it were. Her wing feathers are still so frayed and I've managed to take a photo to post to the “Birdman” in Australia when I can. I still believe it's because of that injury she sustained. I just don't have the guts or heart to “pull” any of them, and they obviously annoy her. BUT... SHE FLIES! Not perfectly... BUT SHE FLIES and that's WONDERFUL! And she's getting SO comfortable with me. In fact, tonight, since I can now, with the large door on her “house”, after I put her “light blocks” on (which aren't necessary again tonight because we're still blessed with NO STREET LIGHT), I put my head into the cage by her perch and, as I always do, re-assured her that all was safe and she could sleep well again tonight... she scurried over and stood right beside my face! It touches the core of my soul when she does that. We're “Friends”... “Family” now... and as I just said in a little “prayer to the heavens” as I had my smoke on the front porch... I'll do ALL I can for as long as I breathe, to make sure she's taken care of... as perfectly as is humanly possible... for as long as is humanly possible. She actually IS... my Life now. - Tomorrow, I have to get her more moss, a better perch (this one's a bit raggedy and too close to the side of the cage for her tail). And I'm thinking “ferns”... the small ones from the back of the house... and a little “shrub'ry” of some sort... plants from the woods, and the stones. Yes... she's my “obsession” and I'm pleased and proud to say so.
In other news, I made 2 loaves of bread and baked the chicken for tonight (and the next 3 nights as well, of course), and rice with vegetables today. “Meal” was 17.00 and absolutely complete, including washing-up and the lot, but 17.45 at which time I was back in with Yonah, working on the re-writes which I've just finished (again) and will “code” tomorrow morning. - It was a pleasant day, for the most part. The house is still holding the “chill” from Winter and the sun was clouded-over for most of the day. The trees... “down here” are REALLY bursting into green (and the lawn is growing ever-so well). The humming birds are fighting (again) for the feeders, in the front AND back. “Life” of the warm season has returned... Ah... to think... at the rate the days pass... in a week it'll be done and the snow will be falling again. (At the rate the days pass lately.) - Well? Now... I'm having 3rd hot water. Took my pills at just past 20.00. Time for a little “entertainment” and off to bed. A shower was planned (again) but (again) I just don't want to be bothered. The front door is open and the air smells like somebody's burning old wood. (Demings down the main, no doubt. Moron.) - Oh... and speaking of “morons”, Ms. Moron of the Pee-Oh was back at 20.00!!! WTAF? And to think I was “written up” for simply being “on the premises” early or a few minutes late! Of course, now I understand what an inconvenience it is to actual residents. Still, it wasn't necessary to “document”... and with this in-breed coming and going and parking with the truck rumbling... Yonah and I need to find more suitable quarters... - On that... off to tele or something as I finish my hot water. - 22.48 off to bed at last!

Sun.16.May: (TODAY, YONAH TOOK A WONDERFUL BATH IN THE NEW POOL! BUT... I GOT TO SEE HER LEFT WING, CLEARLY... SHE MUST HAVE SUFFERED INJURY TO THE EDGE AS WELL AS CLOSER TO HER BODY BECAUSE THERE'S “SCAR TISSUE” ALONG THE EDGE WHERE THOSE FEATHERS WON'T GROW PROPERLY!!! HOW I NEVER NOTICED IT IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND REPREHENSIBLE AND MY HEART IS CRUSHED, MY SOUL, RIPPED OUT OF ME! SHE'S NOT GOING TO “RECOVER” FROM ALL OF THIS AND SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FLY FAST, FAR AND PROPERLY! MY DREAMS AND HOPES OF HER RETURNING TO THE WILD ARE SMASHED! THIS IS MY “HELL”! I WANT TO BLAME SOME “GOD”... I WANT TO BLAME SOME “THING” OR SOME “ONE”... BUT THE LOGICAL PART OF ME UNDERSTANDS THAT THIS IS THE WAY THIS “CREATION” IS... I'VE BEEN WORKING, ALL DAY, ON HER SITE, AGAIN, AND ON THE “MEDICAL EMERGENCY” PAGE I'VE WRITTEN, FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE WHO READ IT (IF THERE EVER ACTUALLY IS ANYBODY WHO WILL)... UNDER “FRACTURES” AND CARE OF THEM, THAT THEY, THE READER, SHOULD BE PROUD THAT THEY ARE THERE TO ATTEND A WOUNDED DOVE BECAUSE, IN THE WILD, S/HE WOULD, MOST LIKELY, SIMPLY FIND A QUIET, DARK SECLUDED PLACE WHERE S/HE WOULD BE IGNORED AND ABANDONED AND, MOST LIKELY SIMPLY DIE. AT THE VERY LEAST, THEY, THE READER, IS THERE TO GIVE LOVE, COMPASSION AND CARE. IT'S THE SAME WITH YONAH... HAD I LEFT HER TO “NATURE”, SHE'D MORE THAN LIKELY, BECOME PREY TO SOME-THING (LIKE THE FUCKING CAT NEXT DOOR), OR JUST LAY THERE, SOME-WHERE, HIDDEN UNDER THE PORCH... TO DIE... SLOWLY. AS IT IS NOW, SHE HAS A WONDERFUL CAGE THAT TODAY, SHE SHOWED ME (THIS MORNING AT 8.40 AS I SAT AT THE WORK TABLE) THAT SHE CAN AND WILL FLY OUT OF TO SIT A-TOP AND WHEN HUNGRY, FLY BACK IN TO EAT!!! THAT WAS MY MAJOR CONCERN OF LATE, BUT TODAY... SHE JUST DID IT! AND SHE OBVIOUSLY ENJOYED BEING ABLE TO BATHE IN THE NEW POOL, WITH THE LITTLE FOUNTAIN RUNNING BECAUSE SHE SAT IN THE WATER, RAISED ONE WING THEN THE OTHER AND HAD A WONDERFUL TIME OF IT. SHE'S EATING EVER-SO WELL AND DRINKING FRESH WATER DAILY. SHE'S PROTECTED FROM THE HEAT AND COLD OUT-SIDE AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, SHE'S PROTECTED FROM PREDATORS. NOTHING WILL BE ABLE TO HARM HER... BECAUSE SHE'S HERE! HER LITTLE LIFE AND SOUL ARE SAFE, PROTECTED AND I'LL SEE TO IT THAT SO LONG AS I'M ALIVE, IT WILL STAY THAT WAY! STILL... IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WONDERFUL TO SEE HER RETURN TO A FLOCK... FLYING FREELY TO WHERE-EVER SHE WANTED TO GO. (THOUGH, LATELY, SHE SEEMS TO BE SO COMFORTABLE IN “HER” ROOM... EVEN TO THE POINT WHERE, WHEN I OFFERED TO TAKE HER, ON MY SHOULDER, AROUND THE HOUSE AND TO THE LIVING-ROOM, SHE'D HAVE NONE OF IT AND RETURNED, IMMEDIATELY, TO HER HOUSE.) NOW I HAVE TO WONDER: IF THERE'S ANY SORT OF “FORCE” OR “BEING” OR WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER THAT GIVES OUR EXISTENCE A PURPOSE... IS IT AS HAS BEEN CLAIMED (BY THERESA AND GINA) THAT SHE CAME INTO MY LIFE FOR A PURPOSE? TO KEEP ME HERE BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I HAVE TO DO BEFORE I DIE? I HAVE TO WONDER. BUT... FOR NOW... SHE AND I ARE TOGETHER... NO MATTER WHAT! SHE'S MY HEART AND SOUL AND I'M QUITE HAPPY TO BE OF AND IN HER SERVICE... 'TIL DEATH DO US PART.
I started this at 20.46 because I'm only JUST getting to the Journal for the entire day! I was up and out of bed at 6.30... immediately got into the “routine” of the day, in spite of my head feeling “light” and some-what removed, and by about 8.00, I'd changed the water in Yonah's pool and was sitting at the work table working on her site. (I'm pissed with my-self that it's not going well... I don't know what's wrong with me... but I'm on the THIRD incarnation, as it were... another RE-MAKE!) Thankfully, there was brilliant sun-shine this morning and by about 10.00... the bloody rain came again an lasted until almost 17.00 tonight when the sky cleared, the sun shone as it started to dip into the Keene Valley! Another chilly and damp day and I'd wanted to get out to get plants and perches and moss and such for Yonah! As it is now... I'm going to have to get to Lowes to get lumber for her “cart” and then re-arrange her room, removing the long work-table at the window. But it's the trip to Plattsburgh that bothers me the most. I don't want to go but must... to get the lumber to make this situation best for Yonah! - Anyway, I took this evening's pills shortly after 20.00 after tucking Yonah in for the night. She truly is such a DIVINE BLESSING IN SO MANY WAYS, and am having 3rd hot water and a Brit. Shower to follow no matter what. - Another day has passed entirely TOO quickly... and tomorrow? The general fuckerie that is New Russia re-commences. - I don't know WHY I'm SO disquieted here. There's a place in Rouses Point available... only 1BR, and it's the same one that keeps coming up... on the lake. I have to wonder why it's always so available. Must be something terribly wrong with it. But... I like being in Essex county... I like being in New Russia. I'd like to be farther North but... - And tonight, again... no street light but I fear that will be changed tomorrow and the lights and the PO bother me. BUT... Yonah is here and so am I and so are we and here is where she came from and here is where I was for here and here we will make our little lives... - Another day has passed... entirely too quickly.

Mon.17.May: 24.21 (Which is, OK, actually Tuesday, but...) I've been at Yonah's site ALL DAY... ALL DAY, with the exception of a “lunch” and a “dinner” break... and the usual distractions and diversions I usually go through in a day. But I DID manage to go across the Hill, to the wooded area at “the park” and cut a maple sapling for new perches AND I dug up some small ferns from the back yard to plant in a jar to put in the corner by “the pool”. Oh , and I RAN into town to FamDoll and to Aubuchon's for another bag of seed. But, other than those moments... it's LITERALLY been and ENTIRE DAY of working on the site! I've RE-RE-RE-RE-RE-DONE pages... almost from scratch, combining so many that were duplicated content under different pages. I even re-did the “Home” page! And now, if I'm at all correct (and that's doubtful because of my general fatigue because I've only JUST finished), all that needs to be done now is ALL the links on ALL of the pages! THEN... I still have to go through photos and videos and put them where they belong and THEN put it all on the server which means wiping all the pages out and replacing them... and trying to remember where images are and where they need to be. But that part shouldn't be too difficult... “shouldn't”. - It was a mostly-sunny day today and Yonah and I got to spend it together, her, out of the cage. - Oh... and I think I'm going to break and just buy another one of those metal rack/shelves for her. I'll spend about as much ordering one as I would on gas, time and cost going to Plattsburgh to buy lumber to make a wooden shelf/cart/what-ever. I just have to figure the “accounts”. Right now, it's going to mean dipping into savings again but, it really must be done for her... - I'm over-tired now and planning on “snoozing” on the futon. Yonah will be calling in about 5 hours and I have to get to the tip “tomorrow”. - OH... NEWS: SOMBODY VANDALISED THE BOQUET CEMETERY THIS WEEK! ALVIN TOLD ME ABOUT IT. NOBODY HAS ANY IDEA WHO IT WAS OR WHY, BUT FROM THE DESCRIPTION OF THE DAMAGE, IT WAS PURE VANDALISM! FUCKING PISSES ME OFF... I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIGURE A WAY TO GET THE TRUCK CLOSER TO THE HOUSE... ALTHOUGH, BEING AT THE GARAGE... IT'S BY THE HOUSE, AT THE BACK WINDOWS SO AS LONG AS NOBODY KNOWS THAT FLAT IS EMPTY... THERE'S A CHANCE IT'S SAFE. STILL... I WOULD RATHER HAVE IT CLOSER TO THE BACK DOOR... IF ONLY THE DRIVE WASN'T GRADED SO AND THE OLD MAPLE TREE WASN'T A THREAT OF FALLING LIMBS. I'LL LOOK INTO IT. - And Alvin was cleaning out the “pee-oh” shed today and found SO MUCH GARBAGE IN IT! AND UN-OPENED MAIL OF JESSICA'S IN THERE... AS WELL AS POSTAL BULLETINS (that are going to the tip for recycling). Imagine? That qunt tossed her garbage in that shed and just left town! I'd be hunted if I tried that shit! - Oh well... let's just say, all told, it was a fine day and now, I'm glad the pages for the site are almost done... AT LAST! - Tomorrow's going to be a little difficult... and right now, I believe I'm going to take some extra vit.C because of being up late... one more mug of water, 2 more grams of C and SNOOZE TIME... until “the call” comes... at 5.30. Oh yes... a “heavy” day ahead but... SO WORTH IT... for YONAH!

Tue.18.May: 21.56 And another day of mostly working on Yonah's site... BUT... AS IT “BEGAN”... I DIDN'T PUT THE LIGHTS OUT THIS MORNING UNTIL... 1.23!!!!! Headed, in the ABSOLUTE PITCH DARK OF THIS HOUSE... YAY!!! NOBODY'S COME TO “REPAIR” THAT FUCKING STREET LIGHT!!! AND O'SHIT! THIS HOUSE LITERALLY GOES BLACK NOW! IT'S WONDERFUL!!! to the futon... fully dressed. Sadly? I don't believe I actually fell asleep until WELL AFTER 2.00! I just couldn't fall asleep, in spite of being so tired! Part of the reason was knowing that Yonah would be up in a mere 3 hours and I didn't want to be asleep and not hear her. As it turned-out... I heard her, then the alarm at 6.00 and got up and about just before the 6.30 alarm sounded. Yep... a “regular” morning in spite of so little sleep. - The day? Well... it was cloudy for most of it, the house was chilled but the out-side warmed nicely so the doors were opened (at 11.00 of course, when the shit-bags had all gone back to their respective holes). There were breaks of sun-shine and so, Yonah's window was open for most of it. Me? I did my usual routine and headed into Yonah's room until 14.00 when I went out to put the garbage into the truck for the trip to the tip... as it were.
WELL! THE NEWS OF THIS DAY... I WENT TO THE TIP, STOPPED AT THE MARKET AND WHILST I WAS OUT... YONAH WAS OUT AS WELL!!! SHE SPENT THE MORNING IN THE CAGE AND WHEN I WENT OUT TO GET THE TRUCK TO BRING IT TO THE BACK DOOR... THEN SHE DECIDED TO COME OUT TO HER “CORNER A-TOP”! SO? SO I GAVE HER THE BENEFIT OF TRUST AND LEFT HER TO THE HOUSE... ALONE! WHEN I GOT BACK... THERE SHE WAS, STILL ON HER LITTLE CORNER... JUST FINE AND DANDY... although I do have to admit... she's been rather “edgy” with me of late... wing-flaps and nips when I get near. Not sure what's going on there. BUT SHE WAS ON HER OWN, IN THE HOUSE, FOR A GOOD 90 MINUTES! WOO-HOO!!! BABE!
Before I forget to mention: before leaving for the tip, I toddled over to ask Alvin if anybody's heard from Alden lately AND.........
ALVIN HAD SPOKEN WITH ALDEN JUST YESTERDAY! IMAGINE THAT! AND THERE'S SOME “80-SOMETHING” WOMAN FROM LAKE PLACID WHO LIVES IN A 120-UNIT COMMUNITY THERE WHICH SHE FINDS “TOO MANY PEOPLE” COMING TO LOOK AT THE PLACE NEXT DOOR... TO-FUCKING-MORROW!!! AND SHE DOESN'T DRIVE, BUT SHE'S GOT “A GROUP” THAT HELPS HER AND “PEOPLE” IN KEENE VALLEY. OH THIS IS GOIG TO BE “INTERESTING”. SAYS ALVIN, ALDEN IS COMING UP “IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS... (“HE'S GOT OTHER PROPERTIES...”) TO CHECK TO SEE WHA T NEEDS TO BE DONE IN THE PLACE. SAYS ALVIN... THE CARPETS NEED TO BE CLEANED AND TACKED-DOWN IN PLACES OR REPLACED, AND THE BED-ROOM NEEDS TO BE PAINTED. SAYS ALVIN, ALDEN'S EVEN THINKING OF COMING UP FOR A DAY, TO SEE THE PLACE, DECIDE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE AND THEN COME BACK SOME TIME AFTER. AS FOR “NANCY'S FRIEND... SHE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT SHE'S STILL INTERESTED. SO... ME? I'M BENT OUT OF SHAPE, TO A POINT. IMAGINE... *I* GET NO CALLS ABOUT THE SITUATION, BUT *I* *HAD* TO MEET WITH JOAN BEFORE *I* WAS “ACCEPTED” TO MOVE IN! NEVER-THE-LESS... IF ALDEN'S COMING TO SEE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, THEN DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE NEXT DOOR... NOTHING WILL BE DONE ABOUT ANYBODY MOVING IN BEFORE NEXT MONTH... I HAVE THAT MUCH TIME OF PEACE... I DON'T LIKE THIS “80-SOMETHING” AND “DOESN'T DRIVE” AND DOESN'T LIKE LIVING IN A COMMUNITY. SAYS ALVIN HE SPOKE WITH THE OLD WOMAN... HE SPOKE WITH HER... “SHE HAS A PLEASANT VOICE”... YEAH? AND ALVIN'S GOT MUCK, MUSH AND MIASMA BETWEEN THE EARS. OH WELL... “TIME” WILL TELL ALL... I'M JUST CURIOUS AS TO THE REACTION ABOUT YONAH... I FORESEE A BATTLE AND I'M READY TO ROCK AND ROLL! JOAN HAD A CAT THAT PEE'ED IN THE PLACE... YONAH DOES HER “BUSINESS” IN HER CAGE. FUCK THESE DOLTS!
*AND*... WHEN I TOOK THE PLASTIC BIN TO THE RECYCLING TODAY... IT WASN'T “FULL” OF “POSTAL BULETINS”... IT WAS *PACKED* WITH... “1412s”!!! (I'M SORRY I DIDN'T HAVE THE SENSE AT THE TIME TO LOOK AT THEM) IMAGINE!!! LEAVING “FINANCIALS” IN A BIN IN A SHED ON THE ROAD? I'D NEVER HAVE DONE SUCH A THING... IN FACT, I STILL HAVE ALL OF MINE FROM THE VT DAYS, HERE, IN THE HOUSE, WITH ME! The guy at the tip says I can take them to the banque to be shredded... for free. I'll look into it. I don't need them, don't want them... although they might be good to have as proof that I DID work for the PO so I'll think about it. STILL... JUST TOSSING 1412s! AH... “OUR JESSICA”... IDIOT!
And so, I was back by about 15,30... moved the strawberries from the back garden to the “kitchen garden” (and that's all that's going in there because there's “bird seed” growing in that plot now and I want to see what comes of it). Then, sifted the new bag of seed for Yonah and the others. By then... “meal time”... Pizza that I'd gotten whilst at market. And of course... 45 minutes and done. - I spent a little more time with Yonah and she was “in for the night at 20.00 and I've been working on the pages ever since. - I had my “pills” at 20.30... and planned on a shower before bed tonight... I'll have to use another “wash” because I see that the bottle of “Aragan” that I'd bought last time at Walmarde is... CONDITIONER!!! I've been wondering why it didn't lather. So... there it is... a “cream rinse” for the body... until I replace it with shampoo. Oh well... - And now it's 22.30... another late... TOO BLOODY LATE night... but I'm off to the shower now and off to bed. It's going to be another “heavy” day tomorrow from lack of proper sleep. I NEED to STOP this! REALLY! Naps and snoozes are fine but... THEY need to STOP too! And I want to be all “ready” for Madame tomorrow as well. Gods have mercy on and help us! - But it's another night of no street light and THAT makes me THRILLED... - Enough! I would have liked to have gotten at least ONE Brit in but... must get a nap in... NOW... right after a proper shower (the last one was with conditioner and no soap and I'm beginning to smell like it.) - 23.07 OFF TO BED! DELIGHTFULLY SHOWERED!

Wed.19.May: (* YONAH'S NEW SITE UP - LUPINES AND CEDAR IVY IN - CLIPPED THE FRONT *) 7.07 By 23.30 the lights went out the house went dark and I began a bit of a “do” trying to get to sleep because of... the itching because of the tea tree oil. When, at some point, I DID fall asleep, rudely awakened by left leg from thigh to toe, contraction. So it was up, in the darkness, off to pee, in the darkness, back in the bed-room, in the darkness, grab a back brace, in the darkness, put that on and back into bed until... about 5.00 this morning when “the call” came... and I half-woke, feeling refreshed, if one can believe. But I stayed in bed until about 6.00 when I got up and got rolling... Kettle on, curtains open, fresh water for the “pool”... bit of a pee, coffee made, had a prune juice (just waiting)... pills taken, got dressed, breakfast in the back yard... rolling, rolling along. I've checked e-mails and banques and météo... Monday... we're back down to single digit night... and the very low teens for a while... at night... It ain't July yet... - And today.... There are “META”s to be done and “cleaning-up” and such but, for the most part... we're SO close to the re-launch. I should get out to get some more mosses and such for Yonah's place. And see what can be done about her house being “mobile”... (mobile home... imagine). But here we go... prunes call! The day is ON!
11.46 YONAH'S NEW PAGES ARE UP AND RUNNING LIVE!!!
And this morning, as I was hanging the lavage... I met “Rita”... from Lake Placid, who seems to be “nice enough” and says she'll take the place and move in in July. MEANWHILE... ALVIN SHOWED HER THE PLACE AND I CAN SAY, WITH NO DOUBT, THAT, HAD I NOT GONE OUT TO HANG THE WASHING... HE HAD NO INTENTION OF INTRODUCING RITA AND I. (Of note: when Alvin “introduced”, Rita's first comment referenced The Beatles... me being “Hey Jude” and her being “Lovely Rita... Meter-Maid”.) More to be mentioned later... I'm just blowing through before lunch pills.
In other news... YONAH appears to be pissed-off with me of late. A LOT of “wing-flapping” and “hand-pecking”. And I'm left to wonder... WTAF? BUT... SHE'S A LOVE and THAT will NEVER change... And I'm happy her site is now a bit brighter. That “black” was... well... SO DARK! - 14.52 météo claims it's 26°... Front Porch says... 35°... my body says... STOP STOP STOP!!! BUT, IT'S BEEN A “PRODUCTIVE” SORT OF DAY AND I AIN'T DONE YET. Just in from putting the lupines in along the “Hill” and the cedar vines in the porch boxes. I'm a wreck! It's just TOO damned HOT TOO damned SOON! As usual. But I suppose it beats having to worry about the furnace, the radiators, the oil, the electric. (This morning's decision about the prune juice was great timing... getting rid of all that “excess” that was probably “in there.) - Still no word about “Rita”, but I don't expect any. What I expect is a sudden “attack” with all sorts of “dictates”... house painting, comments on the lawn... Let's just hope it doesn't come to be. - I'm tired, but I want to go get moss and stones for Yonah now. Sadly, the “Samsung” is down to only 51% and on the charge. I'd like to have it for photos... just in case... you know... wood-land and river-side strolls. (As if I don't have enough photos I need to “sort” already.) - And Yonah's been in her house most of the afternoon today and still a bit on the “feisty” side. I REALLY wonder what that's all about. But she's a never-ending pure delight. - Time to pass a little time, have a cold drink and then... to the woods before meal... I hope. No snoozing today (I took a 25-minute this morning at about 9.00-ish anyway.) - 22.17 Well, the day is done and late again. And I'm off to the shower... with Neca 7 tonight! “One Foot” was an hour long! I had NO intention... so on that... Off we go! - OH... YONAH PUT HERSELF TO “CAGE” AT ABOUT 20.00. SHE'D BEEN A-TOP ALL DAY AND I WANTED TO SEE IF SHE'D GO TO BED OF HER OWN... AND SHE DID! THAT LITTLE ONE IS INCREDIBLE! (AND I'M BLESSED!)

Thu.20.May: (It got to 32° AND YONAH USED HER NEW POOL TODAY AND IT'S A GRAND FIT!!! ! 8.51... I've actually been up and out of bed from since 5.30... and could have been up and out of bed at 5.00 (which is when the “morning... mourning... call” came) but I damned-well refused. Lights went out last night at about 23.00 after a thorough shower with... NECA 7! Woo-the-fuck-hoo. Of note: the “thing” in the left arm-pit is just about gone already. That was rather quick. It's a bit on the “raw” at the moment, but thankfully, it didn't knock me out with pain in the shower. But it still ITCHES! I'm not complaining... it's going away... again. The tight t-shirt I wore yesterday must've “rubbed it off”, so to speak. What-ever... it's going away. - Anyway... got up, put the kettle on, had a pee and got to changing the pool-water for Yonah, right away. Coffee made, pills taken, check the météo... “high of... 2-FUCKING-8 TODAY! The sky's a touch “hazy” already and it's so warm that I've opened the back door, Yonah's window AND... AND... THE WEST WINDOW (not over the bed) in the bed-room! I cut the plastic from the one window (since I never really - 8.57 and the pee-oh qunt just rolled past the kitchen... I'm fucking fed-up with THAT again this morning too - open the window at the bed anyway) and pulled the tape. I'd forgotten that I'd literally TAPE-SEALED THE WINDOW... But... it's open. (And there's a 6° and a 9° night coming, but never mind...) - Just in from a smoke and to check the lupines planted yesterday. The lupines are still “there”, in their protective containers. Nice... we'll see what/how they managed. - Dan came by. He's on his way to Plattsburgh shopping this morning. His old dog's stopped eating! As he says, for him, it's “been a fucking year”. Since moving here, Mike, his cat and now his dog... I some-times wonder if I should visit him more often, but with “things” and “folks” the way they are round here... (And I used the moment-at-hand to mention how I'm fed-up with this “Fucking land-lord” , bitching because the rent's early and the inconsideration for me where renting the back is concerned... let's see if word gets round... I can hardly wait.) - In other “news”, I've ordered ANOTHER SHELVING... for Yonah. Walmarde... due Wednesday-week. Almost gutted the savings, which I wasn't going to do but.. (a) I DO need a way to move Yonah's new place to get to her window, (b) the “interest/dividend” on a savings is shit, (c) I could drop dead even as I type this so... WHAT, in the actual fuck, am I holding onto the money for these days? The shelving will make things easier for me and therefore, also for Yonah. So... next week... a re-make-over for her room... if I'm still breathing. - Speaking of Yonah... she's apparently still pissed at/with me. More “wing-fluttering” and “finger-pecking” this morning. (She's currently at her favourite spot, a-top the cage, and coo'ing almost non-stop. But if I walk into the room... she “takes a stand”, gives the “wing-fluff” and instead of coming to “greet”, she seems more to be coming to attack. Well... 'tis that time of year anyway. Poor baby... a “friend” would be nice but I'm not going to “pull” another dove into the house. - And so, MY general mood and attitude are shit again today, so I'll have to “work that off” some-how. - In a while, I'll head to the river, down the main, for stones for Yonah's pool and for some more moss for here. - Right now... the most serious consideration is “loo” and a snooze. Another day... another day. (As I told Dan, this morning: “You DO know they call this place 'Pleasant Valley'. Me? I have a word for it... 'fuck'.”) - OK... on-ward then, it is. (I'm tired! I REALLY believe something goes a touch “wrong” as I sleep and that's why, no matter how much or little “sleep” I actually get, it's always the same... I'M EXHAUSTED!) - Oh... I've got a shit-load of images and videos to work on... AND Yonah's “Blog”... yeah... snooze... or booze! - 20.38 INCREDIBLY ALMOST NON-STOP ALL DAY! Didn't get a snooze in until after meal... 25 minutes until 19.00 when it was ON the GO again! Seriously... it started with getting the morning routine done which ran into ... I can't even recall WHAT. Oh... and I “cut the plastic” on a bed-room window... OPEN! YAY! AIR! Next thing I knew, it was 11.00 and then I checked the post, grabbed mid-day pills and headed down the road to get more moss and some NICE rocks for Yonah. AND IT WAS AN EFFORT. TALK ABOUT “CEMENT IN THE CHEST”!!! THIS HEAT IS MURDER! But, I made it back to the house, sorted the rocks, gave them a dousing of boiled water and a cleaning... then, cleaned Yonah's house, arranged the new rocks with the fountain, another complete change of water because her “pool” got washed thoroughly today too. The moss is in a bag on the back gallery until I can be sure there's no “parasites” in it. It's nice stuff too... little plants and such in. - OH OH OH OH... AT 11.45 (FROM THE TIME ON THE PHOTO)... YONAH WAS IN HER POOL... LITERALLY SPLASHING ABOUT!!! THE NEW ONE IS *SO* WORTH HAVING BOUGHT!!! (PHOTOS AND VIDEO TAKEN... TO BE PUT ON HER SITE, OF COURSE.) POOR BABY! IT WAS SO FUCKING HOT IN HER ROOM, WITH THE SUN AND HEAT AND ALL!!! THANKFULLY, SHE HAS A POOL! AND FRESH WATER! AND TODAY, A NICE LITTLE FOUNTAIN UNDER SOME STONES AND... I'LL HAVE TO FIGURE A WAY TO KEEP THAT ROOM FROM EVER GETTING TOO HOT FOR HER! (I HAVE THE BOX FAN BLOWING F ROM THE KITCHEN, INTO THE ROOM NOW... POOR SWEET-HEART. I KNOW THEY LIKE 70-90F BUT SHIT! THIS IS HOT!) Lucky her though... SHE has her pool... I can't get into the river yet because the water temperature is still reported to be only but about 40F! BLAM! Instant heart attack. Oh well and... Well... all of that this morning and the new pool with the rocks... that moved into Hoovering, after which, I had to go searching for the “Bonaire” fan... it was in the “crap alcove”, of course, under a shit-load. But it's up, in, running even now. Next thing I knew... it was about 15.30!!! Jumped into the truck and off to FamDoll for smokes AND a bottle of that “Argan” shampoo! Imagine? At FamDoll! Of course, 6$ when Walmarde is only 5,97$... but I've got it now... One bottle... (and it's already been put into the pump bottle and ready for a shower... but tonight it might be another “Neca 7”... we shall see...). Anyway... - Meal... the last of the chicken and I tossed some noodles... I wasn't hungry. In fact, all day, I felt as if I would simply drop dead on the floor at any moment. Really bad. But, of course, all done by 17.45 and so... I've changed Yonah's pool water again... mixed her another batch of seeds. I've had to order another kettle... this one's behaving strangely and I had to “shave” some of the plastic round the electric connection in the base... it MELTED a bit! Now, I see that I have to position the kettle just-so for it to work. BUT... before it dies... I've ordered new. Can't find “Aoop” any longer... don't know why. So I ordered another cheap Chinashitbit for another 30$. Fuck me. BUT... I ordered it because I need more “Moulting Mix” and “Nijer”. So that too is ordered... due on 25 or 26 which is fine... I believe the new shelving is due round the 26th as well... from Walmarde. (Kettle and food... Blamazoon.) - I have to watch the cash now... 2 weeks and there isn't all that much left. But Yonah's being taken care of so I'm perfectly fine. - And now... 20.58 and hot water... pills were taken at 20.00. I'll watch a Brit (30 mins... max!!!), have my PopTarts and water and head to the shower!!! YES I WILL! - (Having one of those “Wooshy Spells at the moment... my head just took flight to the ceiling... Here we go! And it's STILL so BLOODY FUCKING HOT IN HERE!) - 22.03 Another “later than hoped” but... off to the shower.

Fri.21.May: 7.40 “The call” came about 5.00 this morning... and I managed to separate myself from the bed by about 5.20 and... “the morning roll” commenced, as it does of a morning. Kettle on, a loo run, “light block” removed, curtains open. As coffee was being made (the kettle, thank the gods, worked this morning, though the “base” does get quite hot, but so too, does the water so that's OK... for the time-being), Yonah's pool-water was refreshed and the pool, quite-well rinsed. Lavage in the basin to soak... jeans, shirt, under-items... 2 basins... I got dressed . Quick chat with Yonah, who's still giving me “the wing” this morning and on to lavage. Washed, rinsed, on the rack and line, next item, change the water in the humming-bird feeder on the front porch (it was cloudy, the one in back is still quite clear). And as all this was going on... at 6.30... the Town Clowns arrived to mow... “the park”. 6-bloody-fucking-30 in the morning! (I DO hope “Rita” isn't looking for a little place where she can sleep-in of a day... She'll learn.) - I just kept moving along. I'm “breathing” this morning so there's work to be done and I've JUST completed it as I sit to journal. - All the while, the sun has been “rising” and the clouds have been gathering, but... Woke this morning, to a “cool” house of, as the fan in the bed-room read “67F”. That one and the box fan ran through the night. I'm feeling “better” than I did yesterday, but its still cool. What's to come is yet to be seen. - (Check the météo... ah... 7.50 and 18°....heading to... 28-bloody-fucking-°!!! risque d'averses se développant en après midi. Les averses are swirling clock-wise up and around Michigan at the moment so... But 28? There's a 29 at 14.00!!! HERE WE GO... AGAIN!!! Well... today's “agenda” is sorting through photos and videos so... there we have it. - The doors are open at the moment, the front door will be shut again, shortly and I will be in Yonah's room (should anybody call... FUKKOFF!) for the duration. But just now, I want a snooze. It's awful... get up, get rolling, get busy, get the morning work done and... I'm exhausted... and to think, I didn't read before sleep last night... 23.00 and the light went out... and so too, pretty much, did I... and “slept” (if that's what I do through a night, though I doubt it) through until “the call”. - Of a note, as I woke, I was beginning a “dream”. Sitting on a beach some-where, I looked down at my chest... “Man tits”... I was disgusted, repulsed, and on the nipple of the left one, a dark brown spot which caused to to be “concerned”. As I was “investigating”, a blonde woman of a certain age came to stand beside me. She was familiar and not, as dream ambiguities go, and she gave me a “puzzled” look. I looked up, was about to say “Just checking” and I woke. - So was the dream, noted and... - Yonah's been up, about, up to her “vantage” and is now just having her breakfast... And somebody from the “516” just phoned on the 718 0715... Look-up... “medical emergency” number for a “Dr. Lamm”? Psychiatry and Psychopharmacology!!! Located not too far from Ev! Imagine that! - Oh well... 8.20... I got lost in “the world of Dr. Lamm and the Mrs..... a “clinical social worker”... GOOD LORD! WHAT A WAY TO START A DAY... WITH THIS SORT! - Yep... I'm off for a snooze... The sun's up, the birds are chirping, Yonah's got a few things to say and I'm exhausted... again. - 22.12 JUST CAUGHT UP WITH ALL OF YONAH'S MAY PHOTOS AND VIDEOS AND RE-DID THE “PHOTO THUMBNAILS” TO BREAK-DOWNS OF EACH MONTH (SO THE PAGE DOESN'T TAKE SO LONG TO LOAD IN A BROWSER... TOO MUCH DATA IN A TABLE). IT'S ALL I ACTUALLY DID ALL DAY (AGAIN)... WORKING ON YONAH'S SITE. BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT TO KNOW THAT IT'S UP, RUNNING AND BACKED-UP! ALL THE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS ARE ON THE SERVER, ON THE LAP-TOP (WHICH IS ABOUT TO SHIT THE SHEETS I FEAR) AND ON TWO SEA-GATES! THAT'S MY LOVE! - I thought I might take a shower again tonight but it doesn't look likely now... I didn't do anything other than sit about, on the computer, all day so it isn't truly necessary... although... IT WAS ANOTHER 30-PLUS° DAY!!! POOR YONAH WAS ALMOST LETHARGIC MOST OF THE TIME. FAN GOING IN HER ROOM... BUT WHEN IT'S *HOT*... WELL... Anyway... no shower... besides, there's 14 pages of this Journal on the lap-top now and I want THIS OFF of here too! Piece of bloody shit that it is... giving me ALL sorts of trouble with the fucking touch-pad and key-board. I truly need to take it apart for a cleaning... but that's something I need to “look up”... fuck. - As for the day's “events”... well... this morning... CHAT TIME WITH JEFF AND ALVIN! I stepped out to water the *dying* lupines before the pee-oh closed (MISTAKE... WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!) and they caught me in a “chat” about Rita... SADLY, THE MATTER OF THE STREET LIGHT CAME UP AND I... NOT THINKING... TOLD THEM THAT IT'S BEEN DISCONNECTED!!! ALVIN WENT INTO A DIATRIBE ABOUT “AND ON A CORNER!”, AS IF, AS I SAY, PEOPLE AREN'T DRIVING WITH HEAD-LIGHTS ON TO BEGIN WITH AND IF THEY AREN'T, WELL... THEY DESERVE TO BE RAMMED!!! BUT I NOW HAVE *NO* DOUBT NYSEG WILL BE HERE EVER SO SOON TO PUT THE SHIT BACK ON IN DUE COURSE! BUT I *DID* SAY, NOT POLITELY “IT'S NOT NECESSARY AND I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO PUT UP WITH THE BED-ROOMS BEING LIT LIKE HIGH NOON IN TIMES SQUARE ALL NIGHT! *I'M* PAYING RENT HERE WITH ALSO GOES TOWARD PAYING TAXES AND IF THE SHIT DOESN'T GET ADJUSTED INSTEAD OF BEING REPLACED WITH SOMETHING APPROPRIATE, THERE'LL BE HELL IN NEW RUSSIA.” And so, though tonight we have beautiful “NIGHT”... I fear it's not for much longer... We shall see... I'll be on the line to Congress, to be sure, and the media... social and other-wise. FUCK!!!! - And so, Jeff and I had a chat in the “park”. Seems Nancy planted some sort of fruit tree over there and Jeff noticed that it's dead now. And we talked about the “rock” with the “Bishop family” plaque. That rock, so Jeff says, fell on a Bishop kid MANY YEARS ago and his father had it moved down here, as a monument, of sorts. We talked about vehicles coming round the bend and, says Jeff, MANY years ago (again), a bus came round, couldn't navigate, veered off and ran right into what's now Cliff's house! Says Jeff, if they did that now, “The Bishop rock'd stop them from running into your house.” One can only...
NICE NOTE: DEBORAH CAME BY THIS AFTER-NOON... WITH STRAWBERRY-RHUBABR JAM!!! AND SHE CAME IN TO “MEET” YONAH! SHE FINDS IT SO SWEET THAT SHE (YONAH) IS DOING SO WELL AND SHE KEPT LOOKING AT HER SAYING “SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL”. IT WAS A DELIGHT! TO BE SURE.
“Meal”... fritatta again tonight. I wasn't in any mood to do any sort of cooking. 4 eggs, veggies, cheese. Good enough. - In the “NEWS”... THE VIOLENCE AGAINST JEWS IN THE CITY IS INCREDIBLE! I CAN'T HELP BUT REMEMBER MOE SAYING, SO LONG AGO, THAT HE FEARED ANTI-SEMITISM WOULD BE COMING BACK ALONG THE LINES OF NAZI EUROPE... WELL? HERE IT COMES, INDEED. BIDEN'S A COMPLETE SHIT... ACTUALLY, WORSE... SHIT CAN SERVE A PURPOSE... THAT THING IS UTTERLY WORTHLESS! AND NEGOTIATING WITH THE ARABS AND TELLING ISRAEL TO CALM DOWN. YEP... GERMANY 1930s... HERE WE GO AGAIN. MAKES ME SICK! - And so, that's about that for this day... I need... NEED to get this onto the servers before going to bed. I don't trust this lap-top at all! - Maybe ONE episode of “Brit” and off we go. No HOT water tonight... I'm on 3rd beaker of cold... but pills taken and PopTarts too. - Tomorrow is Saturday... early pee-oh and late too. Fuck. Well, now that I know Yonah will be with me... we can move together... to some place calm, quiet, dark at night... away from arse-holes... THAT would be SO nice... I can dream... and I shall. - 22.46 Yeah... this is going on the servers tonight. The fucking “/” key was sticking and there's been a shit-load of corrections that have had to be made. And it's HOT, I'm sweating and not in the fucking mood so....22.57 FINALLY GOT THIS ONTO THE FUCKING SERVERS! BUT THE WP “BLOG” IS A PAIN IN THE BLOODY ARSE NOW... WITH ALL THEIR “CHANGES”... LOGGING-OUT TAKES FOREVER... NOT TO MENTION, THE PARSING OF MY CODE AND THE INSERTION OF THEIRS... FUKTARDS. BUT IT'S DONE... NOW I NEED TO WRAP THIS NONSENSE UP... 5.00 IS COMING ALL TOO SOON. - 23.55 Sitting here in the quiet, on soc.med. when...
IT FUCKING SOUNDED LIKE GUN-SHOTS OR SOME SORT OF EXPLOSIVE RIGHT OUT-SIDE YONAH'S WINDOW... ON THE HILL!!! THEN, THE RUMBLING OF WHAT SOUNDED LIKE A BROKEN MUFFLER ON A TRUCK AND MORE EXPLOSIONS!!! A GOD-DAMNED BIKER! AT THIS HOUR, COMING OFF SIMONS HILL...
I'm off to bed... ready to have drink... and then go on a psychotic break!

Sat.22.May: YONAH'S NEW “HIGH-RISE” ARRIVED TODAY!!! 7.56 Well? The lap-top is up... for the while, I'll suppose. I've been up from since about 5.45 or so. Changed the kitchen roll and water for Yonah, made and had coffee, served breakfast on the “back terrace”, got dressed, had a loo moment, just in from checking the withering, wilting lupines. It's VERY warm, grey, almost oppressively humid and no promise of sun for the entire day. Oh... and my chest is... well, as I recall, mother lived another 20 years after her Dx of emphysema. What-ever. And my BODY itches this morning, from calves to fingers. Another day we call “Living”. I need to get busy on Yonah's “blog”. And other-wise? Another day will roll along as days do until they don't. There, that's this morning. Thank you very much. Refreshments will be served in the foyer. - 19.28 From about 9.30-10.30... I snoozed! Why? Just simply because I wanted to and the pee-oh was open and I wasn't about to venture out the door so... I snoozed. When I got back up, I started to write Yonah's “Blog” until I heard Ms. Pee-Oh depart. So she did at about 11.49 (if memory serves) and I went out to check today's post. AS I OPENED THE FRONT DOOR... THERE... TWO BOXES... ONE LARGE, THE OTHER, SMALL... YONAH'S SHELVES AND THE WHEELS WERE DELIVERED! I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN, BUT THERE THEY WERE! THEY WEREN'T DUE UNTIL WEDNESDAY! I WAS (STILL AM) THRILLED! So I went for the post (another story of the PO fucking up), had a smoke AND... CAME BACK INTO THE HOUSE AND GOT RIGHT IMMEDIATELY TO THE CHORE OF SETTING-UP Ms. YONAH'S “HIGH-RISE”!!! AND INDEED... IT *IS* *MUCH* HIGHER THAN SHE WAS BEFORE. *AND* HER “HOUSE* FITS ALMOST PERFECTLY ON IT!!! AND NO NEED TO “WIRE” OR OTHER-WISE ATTACH IT TO THE RACK!!! I worked on it ALL after-noon... well... because the “work table” had to be disassembled, the windows had to be cleaned, then I had to find places for the trees and all the displaced items from the work-table... and the floor had to be Hoovered and the room all but re-established and re-settled. Wiring had to be re-arranged, boxes had to be moved about and well... then I had to figure out what to do with the planks from the work-table, and the saw horses. The planks are now on the other shelving that's in the living-room. The saw horses are, one under the planks and the other “hidden” in the “nook”. (I might want to use them for something later so I'm holding onto them for a while. I FINALLY GOT EVERY-THING BACK IN ORDER AT 16.15!!! A GOOD FOUR HOURS OF WORKING ON THAT TODAY!!! BUT... THE NEW SHELVING IS A BLESSING. I CAN “ROLL” YONAH'S PLACE AWAY FROM THE WINDOW TO GET IT OPEN AND THE CURTAINS AS WELL. IN FACT, AS I WORKED IN HER ROOM, DISASSEMBLING THE WORK-TABLE, SHE WAS IN HER HOUSE, ON THE RACK, IN THE KITCHEN!!! IT ROLLS THROUGH THE DOOR-WAY PERFECTLY! SHE CAN, IF NEED BE, MOVE TO ANY OTHER ROOM IN THE HOUSE NOW AND NOT BE DISTURBED! That certainly was a GRAND investment. AND THE TIMING WAS SUPER! (I must jot a note to Walmarde. Too bad the wheels, which are hugerer than I thought they'd be but they're perfect for the job. And the worst shame... all made in fucking China. Oh well... they're here and they work. Done.) - At 16.30, a pizza went into the oven. At 17.00, meal. By 17.45 washing-up was done. I snoozed another 25 minutes... and now... the sun is setting, there's the slightest breeze, at LAST, blowing. I've got the box fan blowing “high”, into Yonah's room right now and tonight, yes, no questions... a shower before bed and BED AT A CIVIL HOUR! Tomorrow, I might just work on making that “futon” thing for Yonah's room. - Of notable note though: all day, as I worked on these projects, and even now, the thought that's stuck in my head: How long have I got to enjoy all of this? I've been feeling “heavy-chested” most of the day and light-headed. It's not been a “bad” day, but it's not been a particularly “good” day either... health-wise. I just wonder... months? years? maybe even weeks? There's no knowing. BUT... over-all, there's no sense in sitting here waiting and wondering. doing nothing. Besides, I brought Yonah into this house... it's my ABSOLUTE DUTY AND RESPONSIBILITY TO SEE TO IT THAT SHE'S PERFECTLY ATTENDED!!! IT'S WHAT SHE DESERVES AND, MORE-OVER, IS ENTITLED TO! - That said... I'm off to winding-down. Almost time for 20.00 pills. - OH... THE KETTLE IS STILL WORKING!!! The new one is due on Wednesday (and THAT won't be here early, to be sure). But, better to have one on hand in case. I shall seriously miss this “Aoop”. I've liked it so much from the moment it arrived. Alas... But, I'm not having hot water before bed these nights anyway... cold tap is perfectly fine... indeed. - 21.53 Off to the shower! It's bloody 22°, going down to 17 tonight... Tomorrow night? NINE! Monday night? SEVEN! Then, back on the boil. - Oh... I'm wondering if Alden will come into the house when he drops by “in about 2 weeks”... No doubt he's been told I'm “not vaccinated”. Truth is... I'm in a foul mind-set where he's concerned... stove, mower... inconsideration about neighbours. Fukkim! My rent's paid through June and he's enjoyed 2 years of early receipt and no troubles. Fukkim!

Sun.23.May: 10.16 THIS is becoming a “slow-ass” day that's just running away too quickly. I've been up from since about 6.45 or so and “doing” but I couldn't say WHAT I've been “doing”. Yes, I got the “normal morning routine” done, and all by 7.15... and I've put out ALL of the lupine seeds along the “Hill” side of the house so what takes, takes and what doesn't (which I expect to be all of them)... don't. There's nothing more I can do about that. - I have to cut the “light block” for Yonah next. I'd like to cut the other pallet for the “futon” for her room even though I'll cut it and probably won't get to assembling. (But I ought to cut it and bring it into the house before it's abused... I noticed, yesterday, that Alvin simply TOOK one of the pieces from a pallet that I WORKED to disassemble, and shoved it under that table in the garage... to raise the table out of the mud of the floor! Well, I find that it justifies keeping the saw-horses. I honestly can't accept the complete absence of respect for the property of others around here. And to think, I'd been so concerned about “trespassing” and cutting limbs and such on other folks' property. Another “Fukkit” and “Fukkem” and “Fukkim”. To be sure.) - The good news du jour: a truly comfortable breeze is blowing out there and in here this morning. No sun-light though. Solid clouds and rain in the near forecast, though I doubt we'll get any of that and if we do, it won't be of any valuable quantity. Tonight we plummet down to 9°, tomorrow's “7” has been changed to “10” but there are another 2 nights coming, during the week, of single digit temperatures again. Ah... “May”... from sweltering to chilled. - Last night... JUST as I was getting up from the kitchen table, the muscle in my right thigh went SO TAUGHT that I was almost unable to stand, never mind, walk! It was SO painful! I put the “brace” on, across the upper buttocks, as I do, and it helped to the point where I could walk, so I went out, in the dark, and walked around the house... the Hill to the drive and up by the PO (which, of course, tripped the fucking “motion-sensor” light... how I fucking HATE this business of people forcing light into the night... don't like the dark? move to the city!). It helped enough so that I could take a good shower, which was refreshing. And in bed, there was one “episode”, on the left leg, that got me up. Lights went out by 23.00 and it was 1.50 when I had to get up again... Went to the loo and back to bed. What truly kept me up was the ITCHING! I'd put a drop of tea-tree oil on the arm-pit and both arms so it was to be expected. Still... it's horrific... especially at night when I'm trying for the miserable excuse I have for “sleep” these days. But I did manage to fall asleep at some point. The “morning call” came before the 7.00 alarm and so... the day commenced. - As I was pfutzing in the kitchen this morning, Yonah made a dash for the back door! I was at the basin when I heard the flutter of wings and a bit of a “thud”, then looked up to see her heading directly back “home”. No injuries. I suspect she hit the screen. She's fine now, some hours later. There was not visible “damage” done... I checked, of course, immediately. And this morning, it was quiet the blessing, being able to move her and house to get to the window to open all for her. And she appears to enjoy being up higher. She's got a better “vantage point” almost above my head. And changing the water in her pool is much easier at this height. We're doing OK. Sadly, just a moment ago, we were “chatting” and she spread the left wing... those feathers! I wish... I SO WISH I knew what to do to help the feathers grow properly. If I could find a reputable, competent vet, it'd be worth the trip, time and even the money. I just wish I knew where to begin. (I still don't like the idea of putting her into a “carrier” or box and driving 200 miles with her not understanding the sound of the engine and the moving about... blindly. But if it would help her... I'd still like, so very much, to see her back with a flock, in her intended environment.) - Well... enough of this. I'm getting tired again (no surprise there... it's so bloody typical any more) and tempted to snooze but there's cutting to be done, at the very least. And the “rain” has begun... a light “mist”. (Alvin was mowing... again... how fortunate for him to be able to do so... meanwhile, I'm stuck with a useless mower in the garage... he's stopped. Imagine? Enough sense to stop mowing in the rain. Ah... there are miracles even today.) The air smells nice. - I need to get busy. - And I need to figure what's for “meal” this evening. Nothing's defrosted and pizza is out of the question, though there's a slice in the fridge from last night... what-ever. - 19.33 (Imagine that... used to be a “sentimental” year... now it's more about the Nazis... and the liars.) OK OK OK OK OOOOOOKAY! It rained on and off most of the day and-but-and-but...THE WOOD “LIGHT-BLOCKS” IS CUT TO SIZE!!! FOLLOWED BY A WSHING OF THE KITCHEN FLOOR... FOLLOWED BY A TRIP TO THE GARAGE WHERE THE LARGE PALLET (AND SOME 2x4s) ALSO GOT CUT TO SIZE... FOLLOWED BY... THE “BENCH” PART OF THE “SNOOZER” IN YONAH'S ROOM IS NOW ASSEMBLED... and not with-out some difficulties, I'll add. THEN... MEAL (noodles and veggies and ice cream) CAME ALONG... AFTER WHICH, I RETURNED TO YONAH'S ROOM TO FINISH THE BENCH... THEN BACK TO THE KITCHEN TO DO THE WASHING-UP AFTER MEAL AND THEN CHANGE THE WATER IN YONAH'S POOL AND NOW... listening to Cajun music as the sun and temperature drop o'er the horizon!!! WAY-WAH-HOO-WOO-HOO-YEAH for a day where I thought I'd get nothing done. (Tiny note: I “oopsed” whilst cutting the wood for Yonah's light-block and made a bit of a “nick” in the kitchen table. But I tellyadis... “back in the day when” I'd've been quite upset about it... the only thing I'm MILDLY upset about is that I cut through the table cloth too and had to stitch that and it didn't turn out as I'd like but it's not all too bad, and all the while I was sewing I kept thinking of Schmulik and What's-the-fuck - I can't even remember it's name at the moment - MARTIN.... yeah, that's it... Martin - when I did the hand-sewing for those fucking cushions for bloody “Gaga's” dip-shit manageresse... being rimmed “HE'S DOING COUTURE AND SHE'S NOT PAYING FOR THAT! screamed Martin. “IT'S THE ONLY WAY HE KNOWS!” replied Schmulik, who then added, “Maybe if you'd give quality work you could charge for it and they'd pay for it.” But... never mind all that now... FUKKEM! FUKKEMALL! And that's my attitude. - Now, I have to find a cushion or “futon” for Yonah's room but tomorrow, I MUST get in there and start tossing! SERIOUSLY TOSSING. If I haven't used it in 6 months... TO THE TIP IT GOES! I WANT that room to be spacious and welcoming and a place where Yonah can feel free to fly about at her whim, wish, want and desire. It's a clutter-fuck at the moment. So, tomorrow... right after I get back from town where I have to go to get smokes (which I ought to get tonight but I won't because I want to go to Aubuchon' to find some kind of hooks for Yonah's new “blocks” and I didn't get to go today and they're closed at 17.00). We'll get this hole together!!! (And then I'll drop dead, or, if “Existence” continues on the venue I've been dragged, face-down, along for almost 66 years... I'll plunge into abysmal pain and suffering...) - WHAT-evUH! - Yonah's calling. I'm in the kitchen having a “hot water”... SEVEN (or NINE) BLOODY DEGREES TONIGHT! SHITFUK! - 20.24 Yonah is “tucked-in” for the cold night ahead. The hummies are out on the porch grabbing a snack before... I HOPE... finding a safe place for the night. The table cloth never dried enough to put on the table just yet. But it's on the rack... clean. I have 2nd hot water at hand for tonight's pills which are, unfortunately, late. But... the day is done... again... and so too, the “Sunday” and with it, the week-end. And there's another brilliant moon on the rise. Last night it was quite clean and brilliant. Tonight, it closer to full. Should be a radiant night. Shame, really, but I'm betting that doddering old shit next door will be on the line tomorrow, whining about the street light so my “nice nights” are soon to be done... until I go into “Full Bitch”, which I have every intention of doing until they get that fucking thing out of here. Oh well... enough... just enough. Time to wind-down... Brits... and away. I'm really quite tired tonight. But I DID manage to “accomplish” some things and that's good. - (I hear Yonah in there, flapping about. I hope she gets a good night's sleep tonight too... precious little LOVE!) - 22.38!!!! GOING DOW TO SIX~~~!

Mon.24.May: 7.38 For some reason, I'm feeling COMPELLED to get this dream I woke out of, OUT of my head!
It was, of course, night, and the lights were on, the usual fluorescent lighting of an old, “city” hospital. And indeed, it was an “old” hospital, not fresh and bright, but, rather, showing it's age, rather on the “used and abused” state of cleanliness. And I was there, visiting the staff. I was a former employee who'd resigned, under stress and duress, much like the way I'd left Calvary. I'd been most welcome by the staff, and was just walking about, almost as if “on rounds” with the rest of them, chatting. As we came to a some-what darker, corner room, I looked in. One bed, in a room only just large enough for only one bed, the walls were either a pale, but rather dust-covered yellow, or an absolutely filthy old, what was supposed to be, originally, white. No facilities or apparatus for any sort of IVs or the likes. Just a “room” with a bed. In the bed, a little man, who, if he stood, was probably no taller than some-where between 4,5 and 5ft., dark brown hair, slicked-back-combed, either wet or “greased” or, all too simply just un-bathed. He had a ruddy sort of roundish face, “weathered”. He was fully-clothed in regular clothing, as opposed to a Johnny, and these were obviously well-worn over quite a period of time. He rather struck me as having been Homeless, either at the time or some time soon before his arrival. He laid in the bed quietly, calmly, and in his right hand, he held a lit cigarette, non-filtre. He appeared calm, serene, really, in no pain or discomfort at all. It was more as though he was just laying there, enjoying a smoke in bed. There, he laid, left to his own, to have his smoke. He was, I was told, just admitted... “End-of-Life” hospice, precisely “on the edge of going at any moment”. I was so deeply touched and moved because they were giving him the freedom to have his cigarette as he wished, and the dignity of allowing him to be in a room of his own to smoke, gather his thoughts, as if packing them up, ready to “move” them, to “take them with him”. I was so very deeply, sincerely, almost gut-wrenchingly touched by this kindness, to a point, because, some-how, some-where in my own soul, I thought “He's me.” And I knew, full-well, that smoking in the room, or any-where in the hospital was strictly forbidden, but the staff here, on this floor, were of such compassion that they felt and knew: he wasn't there for a long-run and there was no good and proper sense in denying him the little pleasure of what was, more than likely, his last cigarette. I wanted to cry, but for “professional reasons”, I choked it back and walked along with my former co-workers. I looked at the door where “ID” information was posted. There was a name written on a bit of paper, obviously hastily jotted, in black felt-tip. I couldn't quite make it out, nor the printed info under it. The paper had been celo-taped to the door-frame and was partially covered by some light jackets, old shirts and such. “Henry” something, I believe I could barely make out but it wasn't clear (then or now), between the darkness of the hall-way and the clothing, I just couldn't see. And we all continued walking, “on rounds”, as they were, and talking about the patients and current affairs at the hospital. - (Snap... as it happens with dreams...) The next day, morning, I was back on the floor. I'd either stayed the night or returned. At this point, the “former employee” and “current employee” status was ambiguous, but I was dressed in street clothes and no scrubs. It was a sunny morning and the old hall-way was brilliant in the flood of light that almost drenched the hallway. I'd just arrived and walking along the floor, heading to the Nurses' Station, I passed that corner room of last night and, out of the corner of my eye, noticed that the room was empty, the bed hadn't been stripped, linens merely tossed to the side. I figured the little man had died over-night but kept walking, in spite of the “pang” in my heart. Around the corner, across from the Nurses' Station was a small area with 2 round tables and some chairs, but the windows. It served as a “break” area and where “consults” were held. I sat at one of the tables with a paper cup of hot coffee. 3 of the Nurses came over, one sat across from me and in a soft voice said “You just seem to be so attached to that little man, for some reason that we thought we owed it to you to tell you....” I started to cry, one of those choked and choking, deep and painful sobs, but quietly, more-so because the sob choked my words. All I wanted, so much, to say was, that the little man's death wasn't what I was crying about. Rather, it was that I was SO touched and moved by the incredible, indescribable, human compassion that the entire staff had for the guy, allowing him his final moments in peace, enjoying a last smoke. I understood that they all knew he was, most likely, there for not much longer than the duration of his cigarette, and they saw the ignorance and general stupidity of imposing “health restrictions” on him. In him, I saw myself... I saw my mother... I saw all of my patients at Calvary. I didn't think that “human-kindness” and “humane compassion” existed in ANY health facility any more and this, well, THIS just bored into the core of my soul with gratitude. As I tried to gather my composure, catch some breath to speak... I woke... it was almost 7.00! I didn't even recall having heard the 2 alarms this morning, and, as my “consciousness” came crawling in, “the morning call” came from the next room.
Now (8.27) I don't know WHY I've been so obsessed with this dream, but it seems to be “hanging on my mind”... literally... “hanging”, almost palpable. I'll have to check back through this journal for the date. OR... is it “premonitory”? THAT'S quite a source of deep concern. But, as with all things in this senseless existence, only Time will tell... and even at that... it might not and if it were to, if it's “after the fact”... well... the senselessness of existence continues. - Yonah's giving her “woo-WOO!” this morning. How I WISH I had even SOME ability to understand her! - 9.20 Well, in other news... as usual, with-in moments this morning, I was up, kettle on, water change in Yonah's pool and coffee done, pills taken followed by “swoosh” of the head and “rocks” in the chest and I'm thinking that some of the trouble I have is more in the stomach than much else. Add to this, in spite of a nice shower before bed last night, I still ITCH! Tea-tree oil, to be sure. But the “growths” are going away (again) and so, I didn't use any oil last night but will “skip a day” and keep up with it until they're gone (again) anyway. - Last night? Well... apparently it DID drop back down to “early Spring” degrees. The house is a touch on the “chilly” side this morning. Before I went to bed last night, I put the radiator on, in Yonah's door-way. I would have liked to put hers on but it was so late and I wasn't about to go in there and disturb her! Obviously, it was good that I did put that on, it being chilled this morning with it on. AND... I SEE MORE NIGHTS OF SINGLE DIGITS TO COME THROUGH THE FORT-NIGHT! No “negatives” but a “teen” or 2 for “highs”. Oh well... It ain't July yet. - And this morning, as I chatted with Yonah... Hummies on the cellar shed! Poor little things. They must have had a HELL of a night, last... in the chill. But it was SO wonderful to see them, out-side Yonah's window!! - 9.27 and I'm being “dragged” by the usual morning sudden on-set fatigue! I have to get into town this morning, mostly for the hooks for Yonah's light-block But I'm off to snooze... - 10.07 Tried for a 30-minute snooze... got about 20 minutes, if that much. And now... at last... dressed... and in need of getting out to the hard-ware and... - The sun is shining... there we have it. - 20.26 The best intentions... if only I could remember what they might have been, because, this morning, at about 10.15, I headed out the door, into town, Aubuchon's to get the hooks for Yonah's “light block”, then to FamDoll for smokes and came directly back to get to work... on Yonah's “light block”. Ah... but NO! Distracted... by something I don't even recall any longer, which got me started working on the shit on the shelves... those 2 shelves... and so, I took them apart, and as I was doing, I got fed-up with all the boxes from all the “things” (like the metal shelves, the guitar, the stuff, the things). Well! Started taking them apart, saving (GODS HELP ME) the ones that I keep thinking I “ought to save” (I'm a fucking wreck and if let go, would probably end up on some “Hoarders” show and then put into a cell some-where remote). THAT put me into the “shit alcove” in Yonah's room to make space for the extra boxes, which rolled into taking almost everything out, then putting up a different shelf in there for paper products and THEN... THEN... I went next door to get that little cabinet, thinking (there's the danger... “thinking”) that I could “consolidate” all the PO boxes into something neater. NOPE! THOSE boxes didn't fit into the cabinet SOOOOooooo.... I took the shit out of most of those boxes and put some of the shit into smaller boxes that DO fit. Of course, lumber... and a shelf behind what's soon to be the “futon” and in the mean-while, ALL of the shit from the 2 wall shelves was no tossed onto the work table! THAT had to be sorted... OH OH OH OH OH OH OH....!!! AND... I'VE ASSEMBLED THE 4 SHELVES THAT I DIDN'T USE FOR YONAH'S FIRST ITERATION OF SHELVED HOUSING AND OF COURSE THEY HAD TO BE ARRANGED... AND EVEN NOW, I NOTICED THAT I DIDN'T PUT THE TOP SHELF ON LEVEL SO THAT'S WAITING TO BE ADDRESSED WHEN... WHEN... WHEN.... wheeeeeennnn..... 17.00 rolled in and a stop for “meal” which was the left-over slice of pizza with what was left in a bag of “Italian Mix” veggies. Ice cream after. Started at 17.00... done... DONE at 17.45!!! and back into Yonah's room! Ah... YONAH... DECIDED TO MAKE A BREAK FOR THE SCREEN WINDOW AND GOT STUCK BEHIND HER HOUSE SO I RESCUED HER AND NOTICED... *** BLOOD *** ON MY HAND!!! IT'S THAT LEFT WING! THANKFULLY, THERE WAS NO BLOOD ELSE-WHERE BUT SHE WAS QUITE SHAKEN SO I STOPPED EVERYTHING, GOT HER BACK TO THE TOP OF HER HOUSE AND I CHANGED THE WATER IN HER POOL AND THE LOO-ROLL UNDER IT AND THEN, WHEN SHE WAS PRE-OCCUPIED WITH “PREENING”, SNUCK UP AND GOT A HOLD OF HER AND TRIED TO SOFTLY TELL HER THAT SHE NEEDS TO STOP HER FEAR OF ME BECAUSE I LOVE HER SO DEARLY AND I PUT HER INTO HER HOUSE. I went back to sorting shit on the work table and now... 2 bags in the trash bin and a box of shit still to be sorted “under the futon” awaits... tomorrow... Her room is “straightened” but the whole house needs a Hoovering and the kitchen table is a bit of a mess... tomorrow... if I'm still “here”. - In the midst of all that, Alvin MOWED THE FUCKING LAWN SO I WENT OVER TO ASK IF HE'D MENTIONED A LAWN MOWER TO ALDEN. ALVING SAYS ALDEN WILL CHECK TO SEE IF HE HAS ONE AT HIS WADHAMS RESIDENCE WHEN HE GETS HERE. MEANWHILE... ALVIN MOWED EVEN THE TRILLIUM THAT I'D MARKED-OFF IN THE BACK AND HE DID THE WHOLE BIT! I'M RIP-FUCK PISSED! BUT, IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO SUPPLY THE FUCKING MOWER. I SAID I'D ENJOY MOWING BUT DIDN'T HAVE A MOWER. I WAS TOLD A MOWER WAS AVAILABLE. NO LIKEY THE WAY IT TURNED OUT? TOUGH BLOODY FUCKING SHIT! (I'm at wits' end at this juncture... I pay my full, agreed-upon rent... FUCKING EARLY EVERY MONTH FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS. I take care of the place... FUKYOO if you're not happy.) - AND... AND... AND... I MANAGED TO PUT IN AN ORDER FOR MORE VIT.C WHICH IS NOW 22$ INSTEAD OF 16$! FUCKING “DEMOCRAT-COMMUNISM” BULL-SHIT! (Yeah... my “mood” is twisted all to Hell these days.) - And on a final note: When I went into Aubuchon's this morning... NOBODY WAS WEARING THE FUCKING DOUCHE-RAGS ON THEIR FACES!!! I REMOVED MINE. WHEN I WENT TO FAMDOLL, MOST WEREN'T WEARING THEM (I HAD MINE IN MY BACK POCKET... AS IT WERE). WHEN I SAW CASEY WITH ONE ON HER FACE I SAID “BREATHE!” AND HER REPLY “CDC says you have to be fully vaccinated other-wise you have to wear a mask.” HONESTLY! I'm cutting back on my FamDoll purchases and will let Casey know... next time I'm in the store and there's nobody to eaves-drop. Oh, and at Aubuchon's, the guy who was “helping” me with the hooks I wanted to buy told me that they're having trouble with “Made In China”... locals are actually refusing to buy! - So... aside from the fact that it's late, I'm late, and such... I suppose it was quite an OKEY DOKIE DAY! - (I'm STILL rather puzzled about last night's dream though. I don't like it... not one bit.) - I've taken “evening pills” at about 20.20. It's 20.47, I'm having a cold water (because it managed to become nicely warm and sunny all day... of course... and me, inside again) and PopTarts... a bit of Brit and off to a shower and then to bed... and IT HAVE FUCKING BETTER BE BEFORE BLOODY MID-NIGHT TONIGHT! - Oh... I see 10° for tonight... better than the 7°! - 22.19 TO BED!

Tue.25.May: 7.05 Something's a-miss with Yonah this morning. She called, only once, at about 6.00. (I didn't get out of bed until the “6.30” alarm though. But I've already done the “morning routine” from start to coffee-at-hand.) And when I went in to change the “pool water” I noticed black and dark green, watery little stools in her corner where she spends the night. And she's on her perch, in her corner, by the window, fluffed and quite still this morning, and so quiet. And I've had a bit of a cry... mostly because, at these moments, I feel so utterly useless. I can't tell what's wrong, she can't tell me what's wrong, I don't “know” what to do to make it all “better”. And I can't bear knowing that she might be suffering... in ANY way at all! I really am so useless. But I changed the kitchen roll for clean, water in the pool and drinking dish are clean, and fresh food and grit in there for her. And, as always, I wait, hope and worry. - Meanwhile, as I was getting things together to change her water, I had the sharpest pain in the right shoulder-blade. Of course, first thing I think of is “collapsed lung”, it being the “upper right”. Well? One of these days SOME-THING is going to happen. (7.12 Yonah just coo'ed... twice. The “conversational” coo. I hope she's just calling to say she's “OK” and not for any sort of HELP!) That much I can know, for certain... “one of these days”... I just wish I knew WHICH one. But, all-in-all, at least I know it won't be in another 20 years. - The house is “cool” again, this morning. Last night wasn't too bad, over-all, with the “chill”. But I saw, last night, before shower, Thursday through Sunday are expected to be single-digit nights... all through. “Expected”. I've no doubt they will be. But... we've made it through the coldest. The days... well, there are 15 and 19° highs. At least they're not “minus”. There's that. And there are radiators to keep her room comfortable. There's that. - And this morning, I woke from another “some-what disturbing” dream:
I was working (or at least, employed at) in a studio... as “Izquierdo”... and there were 3 other characters, co-workers, of “importance”... the “Schmulik”, “Eddie V.” and “Gabbie”. The “boss” was a woman, familiar in character, personality, and appearance, some-how, but I can't quite figure why, or who she resembled, exactly, but there was a “familiarity”, in Life. “Cold”, “calculating”, “strictly business”, “power-hungry” (or “power-craving”, I might say), certainly NOT “trust-worthy” in any manner, able to “slash throats” when it served her purpose. But she was in her 40's, I'd say, not un-attractive... WAIT! JUST REMEMBERED, LOOKED IT UP.... “FAYE RIPLEY”... “Christine”, from the Brit “Monday Monday”! WHY HER? Oh... the dreams. It was Faye Ripley, but with a dark, nasty, mercenary side which made the situation of the dream more difficult for me. And then, yes, the “company” was small, just as the “studio”, but located in a contemporary office building with contemporary furnishing and the sort. - The “trio”, I'll refer to the other 3, were being “busy” on some project, and being given other projects and assignments, I was being given none AND it was obvious that I was being avoided and ignored, as if I'd committed some horrific offence against them and the studio, but I'd done nothing wrong, *other than my usual over-trying to provide the absolute best and perfect work* (which has always been my destruction and cause to be hated/envied so in life). Seeing that I was being “shoved out”, given no work, made to literally BE useless, a “drag on the pay-roll”, I'd had enough... and so, as everybody was “busied” about the office, being “pleasant but silent” toward me, I just choked my anger and rather calmly, softly spoke up. “If there's one thing that I can't bear is being a drag on pay-roll, useless, or, at least, made to be useless, but still being paid out of pity or the lack of guts on the part of those who ought to be strong enough to simply say 'You'll need to go.' I don't know why I'm obviously being pushed out of the work-loop but it's obvious my presence here isn't wanted and strongly resented. I can only imagine what the actual problem is, but I won't stoop to speculation, since, even if I were spot-on, it would be denied anyway, and I won't be lied to, nor will I give any opportunity to the gutless to appear 'righteous'. So I'll do us all a favour, make it easy on the rest of you and I'll just walk away.” Nobody even acknowledged that I'd spoken any more or less than they'd acknowledged my presence. So, “worked-up” in the gut, I just walked away, out of the studio and went to the lift to leave the building. But when I got there, the “boss-lady” was already in it, and there was a “cleaning lady” in there as well. SHE asked “Up or down?” and I said “Down”. She motioned for me to enter the lift but when I looked at the “arrow-lights”, they indicated both, up and down. Not to mention, I really didn't want to be in that box with THAT “boss”. But I wanted to get out of the building NOW, and I thought “If I stay and she's gone and something wrong happens with anything in here, I'll be blamed! I'm NOT giving her the opportunity. Best we leave together. That way she'll SEE me leave!” and I got in. Nobody spoke on the quick descent, but when we got out, the passage to the exit door was either quite narrow so that we HAD to walk almost shoulder-touching or she intentionally walked that close to me, but it was ever-so uncomfortable. When we finally got out-side, the “trio” was out there, chatting away and such and I stopped and said, quietly but firmly, to the “boss”: “I see and know what you're doing here and it's sickening. You're playing with PEOPLE and their livelihoods just to over-compensate for your own inferiority and in-capabilities. Not ALL of us are so dim-witted, stupid and unable to see your motives. But these people (I glanced at the trio, and though I had no particular “liking” for any of them, since they played-along with the efforts to make me feel useless) are young and dependent on the income they derive from this job and they try their best to make good for the company. You're just going to throw them out as if they're just some trash-in-your-way. Sad though, that they actually ARE too stupid to see that none of them is safe and that you'll just do what you want and believe that you have to do to get what you want.” The “trio” heard me, stopped their little “merry-making” and in silence, turned and stared at the “boss” as if wondering “Is it true? Is what he's saying actually true?” SHE, the “boss”, looked at me, not with anger but more a look of “ennui” and softly said “It's all turning out perfectly and you've been a great help in my effort by just leaving of your own accord. One more out of my way. It's ALL turning out just perfectly.” I didn't care, really, about the job because I didn't “NEED” it. I had another income (something like Soc.Sec. or some such thing) that would keep me safe. I'd taken this little job for the extra income which I'd miss, to be sure, but to the other 3, this was their only source of income and what they were looking at as their career. I wasn't so much defending them, nor did I particularly have and compassion for them so much as my disgust for the mercenary woman who was, as I said, tossing people out as if they were just old trash... and... from this... I woke.
8.29 Another morning is going by entirely too quickly. But Yonah is up and about and has had something to eat and has been coo'ing. I've put breakfast out for the birds out back, and just in from sweeping the front porch where I finished the halfie I'd started when I was out back, earlier. - Alvin and Vivian put the kayaks on Vivian's car and she called across to Cliff, who's got his kayaks on the rack, “Where'r ya going?” and he said “I'm actually going to buy new boats.” Alvin and Vivian went across to chat with him, I continued, in my own silence, with my sweeping until I'd done my smoke and came back in. - There's an unusually high volume of traffic out there this morning. But then, the sun is shining, it's cool, not hot and I don't imagine too many have too much else to do, all things considered. - Me, mean-while... the “slump” is striking and I want a snooze but there's little shit to be sorted through in Yonah's room, I need to get to her “light block” today, a bit of Hoovering... I'm thinking of taking the slats in the garage and using them on the “futon” so there's sawing to be done as well... Ah... I DO have things to do to fill a day and pass the time. Shame, really, that I don't get to lay in the sun. But... Yonah needs to do that as well and until I can figure a way for both of us... I don't deserve that luxury. - OK... time to move along here... the pee-oh will be opening too soon and there goes the next 3 hours... fucked. - I wonder when “the fucking land-lord” will be rolling into town... - 16.24 Other than the “futon”... YONAH'S ROOM IS COMPLETE! EVEN HER “LIGHT BLOCK” IS “HOOKED”! And I had to trim perches so that it lays flat. BUT... the work-table is neat, and the room (and the house) is Hoovered! The shelves are “orderly”. The “shit alcove” is neat and orderly. The metal shelving is now straightened. And I can't believe that it took ALL BLOODY DAY! WHAT is WRONG with me anymore? I mean... I used to be able to completely wash and clean a 4-room flat in The Bronx in under a day's time. Now, it's ONE ROOM in a day. Oh... “OLD”... FUCK. But, it's done and now I have to check the budgets (and there's still banque paper-work waiting to be done as well, no rush, I'm not shopping any time too soon). - That “PAIN” in the shoulder-blade of this morning appears to have taken a “stroll” round the upper body during all the “activity”. It's no longer “focused” and “sharp”. Now it's “generalised” and “dull”. Still, obviously, it isn't debilitating. So that's good news. - Yonah's been “quiet” all day and never came out to her usual spot a-top. She HAS managed to make it from perch to food to perch again though. But every time I talk quietly to her, she closes her eyes. My “relief” is knowing that she's eating though. I wonder if it's the heat, in addition to any “injuries” from yesterday that have kept her “in” all day. I FEEL SO UTTERLY USELESS TO HER! I FEEL SO UTTERLY USELESS TO THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. I can't understand and know what's wrong, so I have NO idea what to do to make her life better, easier. These are the times that PROVE, beyond all doubt: humans are the sub-species in Creation. Fucking morons, useless idiots, in the way... - Oh, I did manage to grind some more sun-flower seeds for her. I intended to make an egg for her today as well... but she's got the sun-flower seeds and that's added nourishment and good oil/fat that she needs. - I'll have to get to market tomorrow for juice, and pizzas (because that's what's for “meal” again, this evening and there's only one left... no good... must have the “back-ups”) so I'll get more eggs and hopefully, some more broccoli. “Vit.D” for her! (Funny... vit.D for her, vit.C for me. Us and out vitamins.) - It DID manage to get hot and humid today. Sadly, no rain. - I looked at where Alvin mowed yesterday... missed rows. Oh well. I can't care, really. - AND IT APPEARS SOMEBODY CAME AND RE-ADJUSTED THE BLOODY-FUCKING STREET LIGHT AT SOME POINT!!! I'VE A DREAD OF ANOTHER “BRILLIANTLY ILLUMINATED NIGHT” AHEAD! (It was the main reason why I got right to Yonah's “block” today.) I'VE FOUND THE ADDRESS FOR THE LOCAL “DOT”... UP ON THE 9N... IF THE LIGHT IS BACK AS IT WAS, TOMORROW... THAT'S THE FIRST STOP I'LL BE MAKING... BEFORE MARKET. I'M JUST TRYING TO DECIDE BETWEEN RIPPING ARSE HOLES OR BEING “CONTRITE”. WE'LL SEE HOW I FEEL AFTER TONIGHT. NO PROMISES.” - AND THE BLOODY MOTOR-CYLCE SHIT-BAGS COME ROLLING OFF THE “HILL” AS I TYPE. WOW... MY MOOD IS SO FOUL OF LATE!!!. (People should only know. Good thing they stay away from the door.) - And, with all of this... I'm still itching... especially left side, arm-pit to wrist. Alas... Oh well... WHAT-ev-UH! - Time to put the pizza to the heat. 10 minutes late... but, no doubt, “meal” will be done by 18.00 anyway. (There goes my snooze.)
20.50 TWO POINTS OF NOTE THIS EVENING... 1st: This evening, after “meal”, I added more moss, from the moss I've been keeping in the living-room to make sure there's no “vermin” or “parasites” in it, to the front “tray” in Yonah's house AND SHE LOVED IT! WENT DIRECTLY FOR IT AND STARTED PECKING IN IT AND WALKING ALL OVER IT! (VIDEOS POSTED, OF COURSE, TO HER SITE.) It was SO amazing, and rewarding, especially considering she'd stayed in ALL day, almost lethargic... UNTIL... 20.35... I'd been sitting at the work table, doing the “ledger entries” and then went on to get the photos of her new “high-rise” and the moss coded into the pages. All was calm, all was growing dark with the setting of the sun. Yes, we were later than usual tonight with “seepie-nigh-night” but she seemed fine. She was up on her perch, just as calm as could be when SUDDENLY... THE FLUTTER!!! SHE DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO TRY TO TAKE FLIGHT... IN THE RELATIVE DARKNESS OF HER ROOM! I'd had one of those “USB” lights that I'd bought, YEARS ago at IKEA, MTL, on a shop with VIV (that seems like a life-time ago now... imagine) plugged into the lap-top for light so the rest of the room was pretty darkish. Well, as I've learnt, from all my “investigations”... doves don't see well in the dark. I'll NEVER know WHAT prompted Yonah to decide to take off at that point, but she landed at my right foot, on the floor! I managed to pick her up, hold her to me in cupped hands, and stroked her, softly, and after I'd managed to stop laughing, spoke to her. She was SO CALM. So I stood up and gently got her back in her house. THANKFULLY... NO BLOOD!!! But that one “pin feather” that NEVER grows in properly is now hanging off her wing so she'll have to pluck it, as she does. BUT THANKFULLY... NO BLEEDING TONIGHT! SO... with her all back at home and safe and secure... I put up her NEW “light-block” and... she's all “tucked-in” for the night. BUT... of ALL the times to decide to “have a fly-round”! SHE'S SUCH A LOVE! SO MUCH SUCH A LOVE!!! I honestly, sincerely, factually, actually and truthfully can't image my existence with-out her any more. NEVER a dull moment of a day with her as my life... my “LIFE”... my other-wise useless existence.
That said... it's SUCH a relief to know that her room is “settled”. Even the little “stuff” on the work-table is sorted and orderly. Only thing left: a futon mattress. Then, as I keep telling her, I can go “seepie-nigh-night” with her AND take my “snoozes” of a day there too! I can hardly wait! (Reminding me... I have to do June's budget! There's the POBox in this one and putting money to the side for July's inspection and oil change on the truck... and HOPE the truck passes inspection! What, with that exhaust pipe... hopefully they won't remember...) - Meal was a bit late this evening, as expected, and done by 18.00 (as expected). And “evening pills” were a bit late (because of the later sun-set... it puts me back on the timing). But other-wise... it was a nice, warm day, doors open, and much accomplished... well... as “much” as I do these days. But pizza again... and now I NEED to get into market for “emergency” shopping... tomorrow. Alas. (Sadly, the only way I can get smokes is to dip into the VERY low savings... there goes that 500... 500 means NOTHING any more... 5000 is today's 500. And it's only about to get worse...) - But the house is in order and I'm going to have a quick shower before bed... - The “Adirondack Council” sent an e-mail asking me to contact my rep about water pollution bills and such and I took the opportunity to send a reply mildly... “mildly” bitching about the street lights. I wonder now, will I receive ANY response or reply. BUT JUST NOW, I WAS OUT ON THE PORCH FOR A SMOKE AND THE STREET LIGHTS ARE ON... THE ONE AT THE HILL? NOPE! HURRAY! ANOTHER NIGHT OF DARK DELIGHT!!! MAY IT LAST AND LAST AND LAST AND... I know it won't but I can “pray”. Eh? - And so, time for a bit of Brit, a little nosh and off to the shower and off to bed. - TWO DAYS WITH NO PEE-OH COMING! MONDAY IS “MEMORIAL DAY”! WOO-HOO! Whilst other folks are planning all sort of WHOOPIE... my “celebration” is 2 days with-out that shit-box next door and the idiots all congregating. Life is... in New Russia. - 21.20 Journals are on the servers. Yonah's photos are on the server. Very nice... “safe”.

Wed.26.May: 9.03 Thus far, here I sit, head in the ether (I swear, I'm “thinking” my-self into oblivion and I NEED to STOP this bull-shit!!!), up to the “morning call” at about 6.15 and... kettle on, quick loo, open Yonah's curtains, open the windows (both, this morning because of the threat of 32° today... and 1°... that's ONE on Thursday night... WTAF?) , remove the “light-blocks”, fresh water in her “pool”, coffee pressed, pills taken, fresh food in both humming-bird feeders, “breakfast for the others in the back “garden”... get dressed, THEN... TO THE GARAGE to cut 6 planks for Yonah's “futon”, figure a “guitar stand” (to be assembled later in the day). A “days work” already done! Now... to “toss funds about” (to my heart-ache) for a trip to FamDoll which will be followed by a BRIEF RUN through the market, in just the littlest of whiles so as to get it done now, rather than then. And when THAT'S complete... I'll figure the rest of the day... if I have one. (I NEED to STOP this bull-shit thinking!) - And Yonah? She's been up and about, was a-top for a while and then returned to her house. Not sure why, but she seems to be in better spirits this morning. That “dangling” feather on her left wing was on the floor of her house this morning but she still doesn't appear to be “flighty” today and that causes me concern. I'll be making sure the water in her pool is fresh during the day today, since it's to be so BLOODY HOT. Other than that... I MIGHT do some more cutting in the garage, for the “arm rests” on the “futon”. There isn't much cutting for that. But I don't want to be doing a lot of “noise-making” in Yonah's room today either. (How I wish I could convert the FS to cash... and get the futon mattress NOW... As it is, I did a brief “budget” for June... and, as usual, it won't pretty. But “things” have a way of working-out... “things” do...) - As I say, my head's a bit “detached” this morning, there's a bit of “congestion” in the chest. That “SHARP PAIN” in the right shoulder-blade struck, briefly, this morning, as I was pressing coffee. Briefly. But hopefully, the sawing this morning has settled that. - I'm about ready to hit a “snooze” already. Might, for about 20 minutes and then HIT THE ROAD before the heat arrives! To think... tomorrow night... ONE bloody-fucking degree!!! I don't much care about Yonah and I. I'll put the radiators on. BUT THE HUMMING BIRDS! POOR LITTLE THINGS! (Just more of the “UN-just EVIL” of this “perfect Creation” of the “omnipotent and loving god” and shit.) - Anyway... yes, a quickest snooze and to town. (I DREAD it... I still DREAD it! How I've come to actually HATE people!) - 12.00 ON THE MARK! AND... HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE DOUFUS AT THE CASHE AT THE MARKET... MY DAY *WOULD* HAVE BEEN COMPLETE! Made it to FamDoll, got 3 smokes and a shampoo... Off to market to get ALL the groceries on the list including BROCCOLI AND EGGS FOR YONAH and replenish the pizzas. ZOOM back and as I was finishing putting-up groceries and such... PROPANE DELIVERY... FOR 20$ *LESS* THAT BUDGETED!!! WOO-HOO!!! BUT... *BUT*... NONE OF WHAT I BOUGHT AT MARKET REGISTRED AS “SALE”!!! SO NOW I HAVE TO GO BACK TO “CORRECT”! (Hopefully the French Vanilla ice cream will still be there... it was this morning...) So... so... And it's getting BEASTLY HOT! And poor little Yonah is on her little corner platform... and I need to adjust it because she lays side-ways and her tail is through the bars. NO PROB... my little LOVE! - Pills time! - 20.34 And another day comes to a close... as Hauser plays through the house.- It was a BUSY day... from start to the moment... - At about 13.00 I did go back to the market at with-out a bat of the eye, the differences in prices were IMMEDIATELY refunded to the FS and so... off I went... 2 more “French Vanilla” ice creams, a container of yoghurt AND BUSTELO ON SALE from 5$ to 3$! I got one... wanted more but I figured, at that price, there was probably a limit. (I might go back tomorrow morning... more ice cream and coffee... MIGHT but...) When I got to the cashe, the guy there had to call for “Ann”!!! She came over and said “Hello Sun-shine!” and oddly, I was just thinking (and said) “Hello Light-of-my-life.” We chatted a short while and she was off... always busy, that one. She IS such a joy though. AND... I MANAGED FAMDOLL AND TOPS... MASKLESS!!! AND NOTHING SAID! (I'm still waiting for some moron to re-impose, but for now... it's easier to deal with.) - And so I rolled back to the house where, well... I got busy on the next item on my little list... a stand for the guitar. Yep... it's cut, glued and drying in the living-room as I type. That took me to... at 15.00 I hit the chicken that I'd bought today... 2 pieces in the freezer (and just in time because there were 3 in there... I didn't realise how “low” I was on that) and 2 got baked. “Meal” this evening... veggie-rice with chicken... and ice cream. Very nice... healthy... for all the good it does at this juncture. And after meal... back at the guitar stand. - This evening, I actually played the guitar a bit... “Bird On A Wire”... “Suzanne/No Way To Say Good-bye” and “Don't It Make You Wanna Go Home”. I'm so out of it where the guitar playing is concerned. It HAS been almost what? TWENTY YEARS! Give or take. Shame, really. - And it rained, on and off for most of the day. The winds blew. The temperatures are dropping. But tonight's forecast, 15. Tomorrow night... 3! - OH... and Yonah's “Treats” (Nijer) and “Moulting Mix” arrived... in the same box as the new kettle. The kettle is nice enough. I goes well with all the foil on the stove-top. I'm leaving it in the box and will put it “aside” some-where... I still prefer the “Aoop”. The new one is shorter, wider and, well... it's not the “Aoop”. But good to have... in case. - In other news... there is no other news. I've had my evening pills at 20.15 and am looking forward to getting into the shower and to bed. Mayhaps I'll do bed linens tomorrow... Mayhaps not. We'll see when tomorrow is today. - I'm tired. Most of the day I've had these “death premonitions”, as if, at any moment during, I was going to simply drop. But then again, that's almost a “normal” day for me any more. I'm surely not afraid of it... MY HELL IS WORRYING ABOUT WHAT THESE SHIT-BAGS WILL DO TO YONAH, SHOULD I DROP! THIS IS MY HELL... HERE AND NOW. HOW I'VE GROWN TO ACTUALLY “HATE” THIS WORLD... I had no trust before, in “life”... I actually have less that “NO” any more. - And so... time for a Brit, a nosh and a wrap. - Yonah is settled for the night. She's been “odd” again today. Came out once and only briefly. BUT OH HOW SHE'S ENJOYING RESTING IN THE MOSS!!! I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T THINK OF IT SOONER... Though, as I said to her, there really was no “sooner” because, before, the moss was under the snow. So I must have to make sure to keep and have more for when necessary! (I just hope it's OK for her... but she SO enjoys walking on it, pecking at it, AND RESTING ON IT!) I TRY! I'M TRYING! I'LL CONTINUE TO TRY. When one saves a life, that life becomes one's ultimate responsibility... and I have NO gripes with THIS life! I'm still heart-sick that she's not out with her flock. But I'll do all I can to make her comfortable and secure. She's well-fed. In fact, I changed the water in her pool before “nigh-night” time... and her drinking water. And tomorrow morning... fresh water again... and food, and paper. No illnesses! To be sure. - 23.00 Caught in the soc.med. - Gina's got FREEZE warnings tonight. She and MTL had HORRIFIC wind storms... trees down, no power for 12 hours... her house went to 14°! So much for “global warming”. I'm off to the shower... I need one... even at this hour. - At least Yonah's been so quiet. - Tomorrow... the radiators come back... the fan in the bed-room goes. Timing. Just when I opened that one window. Figures. - My heart-ache... the HUMMING-BIRDS! THANKFULLY I FILLED THEIR FEEDERS THIS MORNING! Will have to add more sugar.

Thu.27.May: 6.27 15° “they” say. With “Avis de givre” “They” say: “Temperatures in the lower to mid 30s will result infrost[sic] formation. In Vermont, Orleans, Lamoille, Caledonia, Washington and Eastern Franklin Counties. In New York, Southeastern St. Lawrence, Southern Franklin, Western Clinton and Western Essex Counties. From 1AM to 8AM EDT Friday. Frost could kill sensitive outdoor vegetation if left uncovered.” (I don't believe I have tarps large enough to cover Iron, Owl, Bald and Giant mountains' vegetation. Right now, I'm just in from “breakfast in the back garden” and it doesn't feel like 15. It's rather pleasant out there. And in here? Well, I've been up and about from since about 5.30-ish, moving along with the “changing of the waters”, the “paper”, the food... opening curtains, making coffee and getting dressed and it feels almost rather quite warm... in here. I see 20° by 14.00... 9° at 23.00 tonight and then... 5/2° by 5.00 tomorrow morning... with tomorrow's “high” of... 7/7° with 70% chance of “pluie”... ALL day... 4/4° tomorrow night... 60% chance d'pluie and single-digit night until Wednesday, 02 June. I believe it was Ed Martin who said, last year, that his father used to say “Never put anything into the ground until the 7th of June”. (WELL! The way I'm feeling this morning, “in the ground” on 7th of June sounds amicable... 2022, if y'please. Were it not for Yonah, who's “a-coo'in' away” in her room at the moment.... 7th June 2021 would be just spiffy-delight. It's a rather some-what “extra-heavy” morning, this, with that BANG-PING-PAIN in the right side, upper as I reached for the kettle this morning... though, other than one trip to the loo at about 1.50 this morning, light went out at just past mid-night last and I appear to have slept through the night just Okiedokieifyouplease. Woke to “the morning call” well before the alarms which sounded as I was engaged in water-carry.) It's a touch over-cast out there but nothing of real note-worthiness. And a humming-bird came by as I was out in the back. As I say, it's them that I worry about... they're SO TINY, not much there to keep the internals warm... I wish I could bring them in over-night. Ah... there's SO much I “wish” I could do... for the little ones. I suppose I have to be pleased with keeping Yonah warm and safe. And yes, indeed, though I want to do more, she IS being protected... and well-fed. Her house is in order this morning, the “door” is open, her little “platform a-top” ready and waiting for her. Time will tell... for both of us, today. - There's a bit of “pain” in the left shoulder-blade this morning as well. That brings to mind, Tante Irma who, when I asked her how she'd discovered HER CA-lung said “I just had a bit of pain in the shoulder-blade.” Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure this ain't just some “roomatiz”, but there's nothing that can be done about it at this juncture except, of course, some half-assed (if even “half”) bull-shit medichemical bull-shit and some condescending nonsense and apathetic “We can cut it out...” which, ultimately, after periods of “non-healing” and the likes, will end-up exactly the same had I left well-worse-enough alone. This too, is a matter of “time”... and I'm spending mine right here, listening to the “coo-OO-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo” and looking at that little face that's been my companion through an entire Winter. - In other news... as it weren't... the ITCHING is an atrocity of measure!!! I'm managing to scratch right down to bone! (Almost.) Left arm, right arm, from elbows to wrists! And last night... the ankles!!! Still a bit on the chest. I'd like to put more oil on the arm-pit... that “thing” is almost gone and another drop or 2 should “do the job”, but... I might roll into town later (if budgetaries permit) for some Benadryl... THAT ought to stop the itching (and the blood circulation, the heart, lungs, kidneys, liver and such as well). “Might”. - But for now, first actual coffee at hand, waiting to be consumed. And a “guitar stand” waiting to be drilled, screwed and glued. Later, a trip to the river for sand or water (baby... and a million years gone bah-ah-ah-ah-ie) or maybe TWO trips to the river, one for sand, the other for water. What-ever... it's supposed to be about 18° today and I see the sun is making an appearance. Truth is, the day will be what it was when it's done... and that's that for that... Time to roll along... roll... roll... lightly toasted... with a bit of butter. (I miss the mornings of “coffee and a buttered hard roll at the coffee-shop.) - 11.28 Well, OK... the “guitar stand” is as “done” as it's going to be. A couple screws, a LOT of epoxy and I'm calling it “complete”. It's setting in the living-room with the guitar on it. There. - AND... Alvin and I brought the picnic tables to “the park” this morning. Had a chat with Nancy as she drove by. And she and Alvin got talking “politics” and Alvin mentioned something about having received a “stimulus” cheque in some other name (that Alvin said “I don't use that name anymore.” and Nancy said “I don't use it much, either.”) so it would appear that there's “something” going on there and yet, they shit-talk Trump. I just don't bother any more because there's as much good sense talking to that ilk about anything of importance as there is in discussing advanced quantum physics with Yonah... though, I believe, with good cause, that chat with Yonah would be more rewarding. Anyway, Nancy asked “How's your bird.” and I invited her to drop by to see Yonah. “So I just knock on the door?” she said, about coming by. In retrospect I thought: “Well, if you don't knock, I won't know you're at the door and I surely DON'T want folks just walking in; I have MORE than my tolerance of that happening already.” - And so, post is in. I've been “sociable” and “done my do for New Russia”. Now? Pills, a little something to nosh and down to the river to get more sand for Yonah. With the cold nights coming, I can put another batch into the oven for a “roast” and put a little warmth in the place as well. IF I have the stamina, I'll get water later... that's completely gone. And then there's the “arms” on the “futon”. I've taken the wood from the garage for that already. - On “health”... still feeling “not quite right” but not as “wrong” as I felt earlier. I took a 30-minute snooze from 9-9.30. Some of the “malaise” might be from the just-under 5 hours of “sleep” last night? Oh, there are so many variables... none of which I care to focus on. - (I keep thinking I ought to get to the market too... coffee at 2,99 and BOGO Perry's ice cream!) - 18.34 Météo claims it's 16° an the front porch is claiming 35°. In the house? 16 is more like reality. - ANYWAY... GOT YONAH'S SAND AND WATER FOR THE TREES!!! YES, BOTH... 2 SEPARATE TRIPS BUT GOT THEM! *** AND *** HAD A SNOOZE WITH YONAH ON THE “FUTON” TODAY TOO!!! And now? The key-board is fucking-up and I'm tired and have had meal which was done with-in the usual 45 minutes. But the sun is POURING in through the curtains and it's brilliant in here! - Oh... and I almost had an “incident” at the river whilst taking photos... stepped on a LARGE rock in a pool and the damned thing ROLLED and so, my left foot went into the pool. Water wasn't cold and didn't really soak through the boot! I'm impressed. - But right now, I'm going to fuck with the key-board a bit before getting into “editing” photos and such. (Oh... grant me the strength to stay awake!) - Guitar stand, moved the “village picnic tables”, Yonah's sand, tree water... not a “bad” day... but tonight... 4°! RADIATORS AT THE READY!!! - 20.44 We're all tucked-in for the night, radiators set at “4” (what-ever that is) and I'm just in from a smoke on the front porch where Mr. Hummie is filling his little tummy for the cold night ahead. 4°! In MAY! And all this talk about “global warming”. Fuck these idiots! My heart goes out to the little ones... painfully-so. - I took that hour-long repetition recording off Yonah's “play-list” on the iPod and added 22 new selections, various doves, warblers, finches, robin, blue jay and such. Something new for her to listen to tomorrow (and me too... if I have my way and can spend the day, save an hour to run to market for coffee and ice cream... IF they still have ANY) and different birds. Hopefully she'll enjoy this. - Her curtains are closed against tonight's cold and the new “blocks” should help keep her insulated. And how nice that I can move her away from the window. I'll just be checking the out-let and such though. I don't trust the “Cadillac” wiring that Alden claims to have put into this house... moron. (I'm just fed-up with him at this juncture... mainly because of next door but...) I feel better that Yonah can be kept warmer in her room. And there's more in there to hold the warmth. It's going to be a bit of a rough week to come with this cold, but we'll make it through... (I'm actually, literally afraid... with my health and all... I'm terrified, to be honest.) - Well... pills taken, a quick Brit and some yoghurt... then to the shower and to bed. Tomorrow is another day... another day... another day... and there will be more... as long as Yonah is part of them. - 22.08 Skipping the shower tonight... I'm EXHAUSTED! Had last smoke on the back porch... for fear of attracting any hummies that might be up and about... I still have that horrid pang of pain about the possible hummie that got schwacked last year when I went out in the morning darkness. I still don't know that it WAS a hummie, but... - I see 11° out there. It IS a bit chilled. But the house is exceptionally warm. 5/3° appears to be the lowest, still... better to be too warm in a chill. Tomorrow's “high”...8/8, Saturday's high 14. Monday... high 20, low 9. No break until Wednesday. Well... if the radiators hold as they're doing tonight... and the electric in the house as well... Yonah will be kept warm. - I'm off to bed now... hopefully to sleep. I've had the rest of the yoghurt, some ice cream and 4 PopTarts! So much for losing this bloody gut. But... too late now. I'm off... - Oh... round-about 21.00... SOME IN-BREED STOPPED AT THE PO, LEFT THE CAR RUNNING AND THE BLOODY-FUCKING RADIO BLARING! So much for a “quiet little place in the Adirondacks”. Fucking nut house.

Fri.28.May: 6.21 I feel as if somebody came along and kicked the air out of me, by the moment. HOW-ever... coffee at hand, fresh water in Yonah's pool and for drinking, fresh food in a clean container, the little ones in the yard have their breakfasts, even the hummies are in this morning. I really can't say when I got up (again, for the last time this morning) and rolled along, but I rather think it had to be round-about 5.30? There was one “call” and I heard it, had to loo-toddle anyway and, of course, en route... kettle on and the day commenced. - Last night, sadly, though I DID get right to bed at 22.00-ish, read a mere few paragraphs and lights went out, it was a “triple” night... or, that's how many I recall this morning. Once for the loo, round-about mid-night and then came the “contractions”, 2 episodes that forced me to stand. I wasn't about to go strolling in the dark (the BEAUTIFUL dark that is this place of late, until that street light is fucked with again). Oh yes, and an “itching in the pit” that required an application. So this morning, I'm feeling the “now-usual”... dragged along the back-roads by the feet, face-down, beaten and pounded. Ah... “life in the bucolic serenity of the wilderness mountains of the North Country”... fuck me very much, thank you for calling, you're welcome. And Yonah is “a-top” this morning... hasn't had breakfast yet, but I was “making” it at the work table when she decided to “alight”. Her “new collection” is playing for her. - Mean-while and other-wise... I see 4/3° with the “Avis de givre” on the morning météo. “High” of 9° to be expected... mostly cloudy. 4/1° again, tonight... and single digits for the nights remain... until Wednesday night. Tuesday is 01 JUNE and here we are... Then again, “Summer” isn't until the 21st so I suppose I ought to stop whining, and so I shall then. At least it's “comfortably” warm in the house with the radiators. (I have NO idea what, if anything, is in the tank for the furnace and knowing does no good because there's no way of getting any fuel in there until... November... unless something else happens and I manage to scrape together some 3-400$ mean-while. And of course, by the time I'd get that together, our new National Socialist Communist regime will have balls-kicked the price of fuel up to 7-8$/gal. Oh well... It's time for me to “move about”, get the circulation going... I've washing to be done, under things, bed linens, a pair of jeans... let's see what we “do” with this day... and not. Off we go then... - 9.26 A 15-minute “lie-down”... and the shelter-sweats, a pair of jeans and the under-things are on the line. Steamed, as I hung them... and the rinse water wasn't all that hot, so there's telling about the temperature out there... under the clouds du jour. - Yonah is a-top and hasn't had breakfast yet. I'm not sure if I should “encourage” her or let her “find her own way”. But right now, what I'd most like to do is... go back to bed! I'm just “tired”... not “ill”... just “tired”. But that's nothing new. - Sadly... the pee-oh is open for biz. Alas. Oh well. - “Agenda”? Well... I NEED to get to Yonah's “Journal” and have come up with a “separate format” for that... her own “Journal” sitelette”/book. AND there's still the matter of the arm-rests on the “futon” in her room. Surely, there's more, but never mind that, really. It's an “oddly Winter” sort of day... oddly. And so... “the livin' is easy”... just “hang in and about the house”. There's also a matter of getting to market... I DON'T WANT TO! Too fuckin' lazy, I suppose... eventually... - And on with the day we go... as it were. - 15.29 There's chicken to be prepped for freezing and I'm BLOODY FUCKING ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY OUT TO FUCKING LUNCH!!! JUST BACK FROM WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A QUICK RUN TO KINNEY'S FOR CORT. CREAM FOR ALL THIS FUCKING ITCHING AND TO MARKET FOR COFFEE AND ICE CREAM... WELL!!! IT'S CHILLY AND THE FUCKING TRUCK BUCKED ALL THE WAY TO TOWN. GET TO KINNEY, RUSH IN, FIND THE CREAM AND HIT THE WRONG FUCKING PIN FOR THE FUCKING CARD! NO PROB... NICE CHAT WITH THE YOUNG FELLOW AT THE CASHE AND ON TO MARKET... COFFEE STILL ON SALE, GRAB 2... OFF TO ICE CREAM... FRENCH VANILLA... YAY... GRAB 2... HEAVY CREAM (FOR THE ICE CREAM BECAUSE... FUKKIT. APPLE TURNOVER BECAUSE... FUKKIT (BUT 7-FUCKING-$! NEVER AGAIN. CHECK THE CHICKEN AND GRABBED A PACK WITH 5 BREASTS OF SINGLE-SERVE SIZE, ON TO THE CASHE TO FIND... **** NOT TO FIND... MY FUCKING CARDS.... NONE... NOT AT ALL... THE ENTIRE LITTLE CASE... LICENSE, PASSPORT, BANQUE CARDS, FUCKED FUCKING ME FUCK!!! GONE!!! *** AND THE GUY HAD RUNG IT ALL UP! AND HE DIDN'T QUITE UNDERSTAND WHEN I SAID I HAD NO WAY TO PAY FOR ANY OF IT!!! SO I LEFT IT ALL THERE, WENT BACK TO KINNEY'S TO LOOK... NOPE.... BACK TO MARKET WHERE I RE-TRACED MY STEPS AND... AND... AS I WAS HEADED TO THE FRONT CASHE, ABSOLUTELY NUMB FROM THE DEPRESSION AND FATIGUE... THE MANAGER AND ASST. WERE STANDING THERE. HE ASKED “ARE YOU LOOKING FOR YOUR CARDS?” I WENT MUTE! I COULDN'T THINK! BLANK! BLACK! DARK! SILENCE! MY ENTIRE BODY SHUT-THE-FUCK-DOWN!!! I'M SO GRATEFUL TO WHO-EVER TURNED THEM IN... AND THEY'RE ALL THERE, PERFECTLY FINE. I'M SO GRATEFUL... JUST SO GRATEFUL!!! AND I'M CONCERNED... ABOUT ME... AND MY MIND... AND AM I TEETERING ON... “OBLIVION”!!! IT SEEMS THAT WAY. ALMOST GONE... GONE... GONE...!!! I'M MAKING NO PLANS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE FOR A WHILE... THERE'S NO NEED, REALLY, BUT NO... NO LEAVING. I'M NOT SAFE OUT OF A ROOM!!! Meanwhile... Yonah's still attacking me and I don't know why. She's not eating as much as she usually does. I made eggs... she hasn't touched hers. But she's in there “calling” and listening to music... “Voyage Lente”... as it were. She's coo'ing to Francis Cabrel. And me? I need to get to the chicken. - Oh... and there's 6,5 containers of ice cream in the freezer, 7 bricks (70oz) of coffee in the fridge... and I had to crush frozen veggies and STUFF the coffee in that drawer... and that grates on my nerves... WHAT a fucking day! AND I “accomplished” NOTHING all day... BUT I DID GET A 30-MINUTE SNOOZE WITH YONAH! SHE WAS SO CALM WHILE I WAS IN WITH HER. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S WITH HER. - 20.16 Lavage is in, jeans hanging in Yonah's door-way, the rest on the rack beside the living-room radiator... almost dry, amazingly. - Météo says 7 going down to 4°/4° by 2.00 tomorrow but then a high of 15° by 16.00 tomorrow... followed by... a low of 6/6°, high of 15/15° by 16.00... and lows of 8° through Wednesday. Oh well... the “hope” lies in the “highs”. The house seems to have cooled a touch today because the fan in the bed-room registred 73F this morning and is now 71F. The blessing? The humming birds are still doing OK... buzzing about the front porch, barely missing my head, my legs... They're a smile on a dark heart. And the while... Yonah's still pecking at me when I talk to her, and actually “slapping” my head with her wing when I look in to check water and such. I don't understand it; she comes to the front of the cage, nestles by the door and will stay there whilst I'm in the room, but the moment I get near... she's frantic. I don't understand. But tonight, I'm REALLY just so tired, from last night's “contractions” and today's absent-mindedness. Pills and hot water the ready. Truth: had I gone to get some, I'd be having vodka with pills tonight instead of water. (There's just enough vodka in the fridge for ONE martini but I don't want to... so I won't.) - Worked a touch on the new “Journal” page for Yonah and that's about it. And now? Brit, pills, turnovers, shower and bed!!! We'll see what tomorrow dumps when it arrives. - 22.14 No shower, no need, off to bed.

Sat.29.May: 10.19 Ms. allowed me to “sleep-in” this morning until 6.30! And so I did. But when my “worry” over-came my fatigue, I got up, primarily to check on her which involved putting the kettle on for coffee, opening the curtains, removing the “block”, replacing the kitchen roll under the food and pool, changing the pool and drinking water... making coffee, putting breakfast out for the birds in the yard, trying to take an additional 30-minute snooze which was broken 10 minutes in by the sound of “thumping” that sounded as if it were out-side the window, but it was the “pee-oh”, but I was up and about again and so, I got dressed and, for some reason, decided to change the kitchen roll on the kitchen shelf in the “W/D” nook... put the sand into the oven (about an hour ago) to “bake”, and all the while, feeling “not great/not poorly”... a “common” morning, as it is. The temperature on the fan in the bed-room registres 68F which isn't “warm” but, thankfully, isn't “cold”. It was 8° when I checked météo at about 7.30. It's cloudy but there's a “promise” of some sun-shine to come during the course of the day... we shall see. And I'm “feeling generally ick” as I tend so to feel of a day these days. I'm still quite pre-occupied with/about the “futon” in Yonah's room and how to get about finishing it (and getting the mattress as well). I DO want to work on it... I DON'T want to work on it. I want to work on Yonah's “Journal”. I want to paint her room. I want to work in the yard. I want to go back to bed and let this day roll away with and on itself. And I'm sitting here at the kitchen table... as Yonah coo's in her “house”... another day of not quite getting up and about her-self. I DO feel a snooze coming and I see no reason why I shouldn't. I want to leave the sand in the oven for another hour, at the very least. I want the pee-oh to close and everybody in town find their house, go to it and stay away from me. - Last night, I simply jotted the last line of this journal, got up, brushed teeth, said “Good night” and “I LOVE you” to Yonah, went into the bed-room, took off clothes, put on scrubs, got into bed, put the light out and... through the night, I recall 4 awakenings... 2 for loo and 2 for contractions of the feet. I wonder if my daily fatigue isn't because of broken sleep. Not that I care enough to “see somebody” about it. They won't tell me anything I don't already know. - Anyway... there we have it and I'm off to a snooze until the sand is “done”. I can, therefore, I shall. - 11.23 And indeed... about 45 minutes of snooze... in Yonah's room. I laid down, started thinking about how to assemble a futon... and the next thing I knew... the alarm... And to be honest... I could go right back to sleep again. But I won't. Hey, at least the sand is getting sterilised. An “accomplishment”... - 20.39 Well... it's been quite the day! We DID manage to get sun-shine for MOST of it and though the “air” was nicely warmed, the “air current” still carried a chill. But the house apparently was warmed because, just now, as I checked in Yonah's room... HER temperature is 25° and a check of the thermostat in the living-room shows... 24°!!! Meanwhile... météo claims a mere 15° out-side (and I'm just in from a smoke on the front porch and it's a delightful 15°!!! Indeed, the house must have gotten warmed in the sun! Tonight's low is expected to be bloody 6° though so, I turned the radiators down for a while, to “3” (what-ever that is) from “4”, I'll put them back up to “4” before going to bed (or shower or ...) - As for the day, well... I worked on the new “Journal” pages for Yonah's site and have the pages ready for the content. By the time I got that all done, it was time for “meal”! An entire day... with TWO SNOOZES IN YONAH'S ROOM! I believe she enjoys it when I'm in there because she's ever-so calm and quiet. But I'm rather pleased with the pages and looking forward to posting the content. - And she took another bath today and I got 2 videos of it! I LOVE it when she splashes about in her little “pool”! I don't know what ever made me think of it, since “domestic” birds, as car as I know and have ever seen, never get “baths” in their houses. AND YONAH HAS “MOVING WATER” IN HERS. So yes, indeed, she's living “DEE LOOX” (and worth it and so much MORE, to be sure). Healthy food, broccoli, egg, special mixes, fresh drinking water... at least twice daily. And as with today, her “pool” is refreshed at least twice as well... today was thrice. “Clean living”... that's the thing. Though she didn't spend much time “a-top” today. This morning I noticed her “poops” were quite dark green and rather watery. I was extremely concerned, especially since she didn't have breakfast until after 9.00. But this evening, “things are solid” and both the dark-brown and white they way they ought to be and she's FEISTY again, “jousting” with me. Hey, I got up this morning feeling as though I was being pulled into the clutches of dark Death... she's entitled to an “off day”... or even more, considering she's technically alone there and still not in the environment she was born into and ought to be in. And, her fresh batch of river-sand got 2 hours in a 400°F oven today, so that's quite “sterile” and ready for “installation”. She's now got 2 containers of fresh sand (and on Tuesday, we're going for a thorough house-keeping... it being a new month and all, so the sand will come in handy). - Tomorrow's agenda is, I think, bed linens and cutting the “futon” down to workable and presentable and perhaps I'll get to putting the “arms” on? Perhaps. We shall see how the day goes. - Oh... I happened to glance at the soc.med. today... On Minds... one her “cronies” posted the “prayers” thing. Theresa's mother died with-in the past couple of days. Not that I'd see any sense in it, but gee... not a word from her about it. Oh well... Truth of the matter is, the “best” I could come up with as a response to the news is some comment about how I'm sure her “Jesus” will make it all better for her. But I'm leaving it as it is. No matter what I might say to her, even with some compassion, would likely be screwed and construed and turned into an insult. Best to just leave it alone. - Now... in the “WARMTH” of this house (and the ITCHING from shoulders to fingers again), time to wind this day down. - NO PEE-OH tomorrow AND MONDAY!!! WOO-HOO-YEAH! TWO DAYS of NO morning bull-shit! And I've nothing on my “agenda” save the futon and working on Yonah's journal. If it's nice weather, I MIGHT take an hour to go to the river to get some SUN! Either at the falls or down at the bend where I get her rocks. I could use some sun-shine. (SO COULD SHE... I OUGHT TO GET TO THE FENCING OF THE BACK GARDEN AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET HER OLD CAGE BACK THERE FOR HER... FOR A WHILE. IT'LL HAVE TO BE RAISED, SOME-HOW. THE FENCING I USED FOR THE “BACK YARD GARDEN” IS PERFECT FOR KEEPING THE “CRITTERS” OUT. I'LL WORK ON THAT... HEY... IN THE SUN-SHINE... IF THERE IS ANY. NO RIVER...) - OK... 2nd hot water... I DO would prefer a v-ton but... not tonight, Josephine. Too much to do tomorrow. - 23.10 Off to the shower... DOWN TO 4° TONIGHT!!!! The radiators are set.... “5” for Yonah... “4” for the house. It is a touch chilly out there. BUT NO STREET LIGHT! THANK YOU!

Sun.30.May: 9.23 Missy woke me at 5.30 this morning... and I didn't put the light out last night until this morning (mid-night) after a quick but great little shower. I thought I'd just open curtains and head back to bed. Nope... Opened curtains, changed waters, linens in the basin (and are now on the lines)... I've been trying to figure out what to do about the “futon” and whether or not I want to be bollocksed with it today. Yonah's been “a-top” most of this morning and in her usual “feisty” mood (SO PRECIOUS). It's cloudy and cool and there's rain to come at about 13.00 (and the linens are on the lines). And I've just made a “run through” on “Minds”... Gee, “Mrs. Jesus” was the “belle of the ball” on their “evening radio show” thing on the other soc.med. platform last night... I was listening for a while and then couldn't stomach the “stoners” and the “kissie-luvie-smoochie” BS so I went to my Brits. This morning... Mrs. Jesus has (again), left Minds because she can't take any of the “nonsense” any longer. BUT she made certain to post the usual personal pity-party stuff that, well, doesn't really belong on a globally-accessible venue. (Oh, I'll just sit here, all alone, with my son, grand, CHF, suffering, woe, darkness, &c.) Well? There ya have it. - And now, I ought to get dressed, though I don't want to. There's the futon and fencing on my “Would Like To Do”... let's see what (if any) gets “Do'ed”... not that I particularly care. - 11.43 “Do'ed”... Cut the “ends” from the “wall pallet” and put the “futon” back together, covered with the canvass “cover” from the living-room futon that was intended to be a “throw”. Well... it's hardly been “thrown” so it serves another purpose. AND Hoovered after. It was quicker than I'd thought. I COULD go ahead with the arms, but I want to sand those before and I just don't have the “inspiration” at the moment. But I'm rather impressed that it isn't even noon yet. And so, I'm sitting with morning's coffee, with cream, taken mid-day pills and now, will see the “news” (though I can already tell what it's going to be... bull-shit running like liquified manure in VT) and next on the “agenda”... Yonah's “Journal”. May as well put the day to “good use”... May as well... If I don't “snooze” for hours, perhaps I'll get to bed ON TIME tonight (though I doubt that as well). “Meal” this evening will be pasta... because nothing's out of the freezer and I don't want to be bollocksed. - 19.33 JUST finished Yonah's Journal for October 2020! I've been working on it for MOST of the day today... well... ALL of the day since finishing the work on the “pallet futon”. Took a 45-minute “meal break” of course, and 2, 20-minute snoozes (on said futon). And yes, there were breaks to chat with Ms. Yonah, but it's other-wise been steady reading and typing. Well... ONE month done... 6 more to go (until tomorrow evening when we go into the 7th). - It's been raining all through the day and it's getting dark now and time to start seriously getting Ms. Yonah together for “tuck-in”. She's been an absolute LOVE-ITSELF ALL DAY! I sit at the work table and she sits, in her cage, on the moss, directly inside the OPEN door of the cage as if she “wants to be close”. But she still goes all “skittish” when I put my hand into the cage. I guess she doesn't mind being “Loved”... just doesn't want “contact”. Hey! At least she doesn't PANIC like she used to. I mean, she comes out of the cage, sits “a-top” and I can talk with her and all when she's out and about. So... so... - Right now... time to get her together. She's getting “animated” and the other night, when the room started to darken, she decided to head for her spot a-top! It's too dark now for her to see properly so.... - 20.21 Have finished Yonah's October Journal page and have put it on the server. I'll have to wait a while before putting the pages up “live” but at least they're on the server... safe. She's “tucked-in” for the night, “light block” up and the radiator in her room set and running to make sure tonight's rainy 6° doesn't fill her room with cold dampness. It's been a joy being with her all day today and tomorrow... more of the same as we “work” together”. I just wish I knew why she doesn't have any interest in the rest of the house. She's so content being in her room, in or on her cage. She used to head for the living-room. I have photos posted of when she did. I wonder what happened that stopped that. Maybe one day, again. Meanwhile, I can't wait until this cold and damp is gone! I'm looking forward to opening her windows, wide, again, and the fresh breezes blowing in for her. And I have to figure out how to get her into the “actual” sun-shine, not filtred through screens and windows. I'm sure she'd LOVE that! (Though, I often wonder if being out-side would be “torturous” for her... since she really shouldn't be out “free” in it. She might be able to fly “high” enough to get to a tree limb, but come the evening and night... she's prime prey for a “meal”... or worse... some “play-thing” for ... I don't even want to think about it. I'll have to figure something... and I WILL... to be sure. But for now, she's safe, protected, food and water at her wont, a little pool to swim and bathe in... and soon, I'll find little trees or the likes for her as well. And always, the door to her cage is open... until night of course... so she' certainly NOT trapped.) WHAT A LOVE! - In other news... Ms. Theresa “disengaged” her common Minds account today... ah but... she's off and running on her “back-up”. Honestly... oh well... more hypocrisy. And to think, that I pointed that all out to her, the “Christian” bit about being “oppressed” and “attacked” and the hypocrisy of it all is what made her go off on some tirade. Ah... her reason for closing the account? Something was said to her on that “show” last night. All I heard was kissie-kissie... oh well... “Social Media Friends”... so charming. - I need to take my pills, take my shower, take my leave of this day! The fresh linens are on the bed... This day is a wrap! - 22.22 OK... Late again and off to the shower!

Mon.31.May: 8.00 May is finished. June, tomorrow. Half the year is shot-to-shit. And “time” just neither stops nor slows. - It was SO comfortable in the bed, this morning, that I actually had to force this old body to get up and out of it. Other-wise, I'd probably still be in there. But I heard this morning's “call”, followed by the first (6.00) alarm, which I turned off and began to doze back into sleep until... the second alarm (6.30), which I turned off and heard “the call” again. Thinking the alarms were 7.00 and 7.30, respectively, I got up, thinking it was late, Yonah was in the darkness of the “light blocks” and as I made my way to the kitchen, realised... Today is Monday, the alarms are the 6 and 6.30, not 7 and 7.30! I was already an hour earlier than thought. BUT... I was up and moving and so... kettle on, loo, in to open curtains, grab bucket and containers for fresh “pool water” and it all simply rolled along. Breakfasts served, pills taken, coffee had, dressed and so... here we are, on another grey, wet morning. But thankfully, the temperatures aren't “freezing” and “sub-freezing”. Not “warm”, exactly, but not cold. - Just in from a smoke on the front porch, watching the mist rise in the ridges across the road and thinking of how much I do prefer the “black and white” of Winter over the greens that cover everything this morning. No, not the bitter cold of Winter... just the colours. For some reason, “colours” bother me this morning... sickeningly so. Odd. But... - Meanwhile, Yonah has been most vociferous this morning and has been taking the strangest “stance”: tail raised, quite firmly. And she's NOT in the “kindest” of moods, taking that “battle stand” when I approach her, as she's already taken “position” a-top the cage. “Mating”? 'tis the season. Poor sweet-heart. I keep thinking of the accounts of “blocking”, when eggs won't pass. I have to check into this too, this morning. Info on “domestic” birds doesn't apply here and so, there's more “research and education” to be acquired now (and, should I find any, which I doubt, to add to Yonah's site). - Well, that said, coffee at hand, I'm going to sand the “arms” for the “futon” this morning and take the rest of the day from there. It's a “holiday” and *no pee-oh*. Relief. Respite. Reprieve. Very nice, indeed. And, being grey and wet, hopefully, no “holiday traffic”. - I wonder when “the fucking land-lord” will be rolling in... I shouldn't think he'd “risk” the trip today, it being “holiday” and since it's a 5-hour trip with “stops along the way”... “public restrooms” and the such, and him being so utterly frightened by this whole “flu” tactic. I suspect the arrival will be “surprise attack” (as they usually are), during the week. I have to wonder if he'll come into this place, since, I've NO doubt that “reports” have been duly presented on the fact that I “won't” take this farcical “vax”. We shall see. - Meanwhile, the flower boxes on the front porch are still empty, but with the temperatures of late, putting anything in them would have been money pissed away. The lawn will need mowing soon, with all this rain and the sudden increase in temperatures scheduled for Wednesday. Hey... I don't care. Especially where the lawn is concerned. Yes, I'll mow... happily. No, I won't spend money on a mower for property that isn't mine, and, as time has passed, I see that “care” for a “gold star” tenant who's “the first rent” to be received monthly, means nothing... fukkit! - And on that... I'm on to the sanding. - Another day begins... another month ends... and another year starts to slip by... again. - 9.46 Well then, the sanding of the “arms” is done and I've got a veritable forest of dust in my sinuses and the “ick” feeling that that brings. And the post-sanding Hoovering is done, because the sanding was done in the kitchen and it truly made quite the “masculine mess”. And the lap-top got a thorough Hoovering as well. And now... I should, very much, like to shower and go back to bed. But I probably shan't. Why? I have no reason. - Thought: since it still “annoys” me, much like the itching caused by tea-tree oil, I have to think about the “Theresa nonsense”. Seems she's done the “typical I found Jesus'” BS, turning on those she once claimed were such “good friends” across the board. I was the beginning... and it's rolled-on from there. Her “alt” account is packed with “Jesus” references now, and the old account, now “deactivated” was rather vitriolic toward “all”. How it reminds me of Emmie: all was delightful until she “found Jesus”. It rather intrigues, I must say, how these “Christians” who profess the “love” their great prophet spoke for ALL, “judge not lest ye...” and “Judgment is God's alone”, &c. find themselves standing in a position of meting judgment and opinion, trial and conviction. Ah... the “human-kindness”. Well? Life is better with-out. - That said, finishing coffee and pondering what next to be done to “fill the day”. I should also ponder “meal” this evening, though I believe 'twill be pasta again. I'm not in the mood for what-ever else. And this “sanding dust” is “attacking”. It IS fascinating, in a way, after a fashion, how such a thing can make a body woozy. One would think it toxic. Or... it's my body, just reacting and resisting and being intolerably ridiculous. What-ever... - Yonah, mean-while, is in her “feisty” mood again, this morning and I've given her a little “run for her money”. She must not find it all that offencive because she doesn't make any effort at “escaping” when I “play”. But too, it's almost 10.00 and she's not had breakfast yet. Hey, she's made it obvious that she knows how to get out of the cage and, as has been witnessed, to get back when she's hungry or thirsty. (I just wish it were warm enough to open windows and doors today, but I don't dare, lest the house chill and I'll have to make-up for it tonight.) OK... moving on, moving along... moving... or not. - 16.57 WELL? The old “kitchen garden” is FENCED! I've NO idea WHY, but the “spirit moved” and out I went. AND, I transplanted what-ever it is that's growing in there, to give it a more “purposeful” appearance, AND... I put seed in an old plate on top of a stove-pipe AND... I sprinkled more seed on the ground AND... the chipmunks have already found the ways in and out AND... SO TOO... A MOURNING DOVE... which is the primary reason I fenced because this morning, a big, rather “gnarly” looking grey cat came a-wond'rin' up the drive (which is was “encouraged” me to fence, to be honest). SO... the birds can eat in peace. I used the smaller fencing so cats can't get in but I tellya, sparrows have a blast with it, as I've already seen. AND... the sun that was supposed to have come through at 13.00 is FINALLY making an appearance, the air is heating, the doors are open and pasta-veg is on the hob. I'm tired now... really quite. - And there are TWO picnic tables being set at the “chez Reiners'” at the moment and I hear the “cackling” commence. Well, hopefully it won't run late and it won't run into my door. I'm in a similar mood to Yonah today. We shall see... - 22.01 The Reiners' party was exceptionally quick. People came, sat, ate, left. - I missed my intended 21.30 shower but am off to it now. - Looked-up “ringneck doves”. About 75$ plus all the shipping and such. But I just can't see “shipping” them... and “USPS” of all! I need to figure how to get Yonah a companion... but not a “chirpy” sort. I COULD, I suppose, get a finch or some such but I'd prefer another dove. And I have to figure how to get her into the sun too! Things... - But now... shower and bed. Tomorrow? Well... - At least she's safe again, tonight. 7° they say. Her radiator's on.